Byron Katie’s 4 Questions to Snap Out of a Negative Headspace and Find Joy in Life Again

Stressed, depressed, or stuck in a negative headspace? You’re 4 questions away from freedom.
In this #MarieTV, world-renowned writer and spiritual teacher Bryon Katie shows you how to shut OFF the negative chatter in your mind, turn pain into joy, and make everything in life easier.
She calls it “The Work,” and it has literally changed my life.
When we take control of our thoughts and reframe the stories we create about our reality - everything becomes lighter, we become kinder, and layers of stress melt away!
If you’re struggling with relationships, stress, pain from past experiences, or just the day-to-day, don’t miss these interview highlights:
00:00 - How Byron Katie healed 10 years of depression
8:40 - Why procrastination is actually guilt in disguise (and how to shift it)
14:35 - Byron Katie’s 4 life-changing questions in action
15:45 - When a toilet seat serves as a spiritual teacher
31:00 - The KEY to reducing stress & increasing curiosity and delight
37:15 - Where to focus your energy for inner peace and fulfillment
#MarieTVInterviews #ByronKatie #TheWork
Don’t forget to swing on by www.marieforleo.com/blog/byro... where we answer your follow-up questions after the episode.
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[@marieforleo]

If stress has you spinning, use my Free Stress Relief Tool to get out of your head and into action mode so you can feel better in 5 minutes or less → marielovesyou.com/stresslog

[@debosgoodmusic4969]

Thank you Marie for sharing Katie’s wisdom. I bought the book years ago in the beginning of my husband’s diagnosis with deteriorating neurological mental and physical atrophy (13 years and counting). He was supposed to be dead in five years. I have the beautiful gift of extraordinary health myself. Thank you God. I’m 66 and we have a 23 year old son that was only ten years old when all this started. I have a CPA business that I started in 1982 and I’m still throwing myself at the biz. Now I’m morphing into a singer songwriter teaching myself to play guitar and performing. And I’m starting to realize I never would’ve dipped into music if I wasn’t trying to run away from reality. I finally found my real purpose in life. I struggle daily with looking at my husband in his illness. It ebbs and flows and scares the shit out of me. And I don’t really know what is mine to deal with. I want to be kind to him but he’s so dependent and seems like he wants to be in my skin with me. NO. I know the answers to all my questions are in me somewhere. Thank you for all the work you do. It’s very important. Peace and Love to you Darlings. ✌️❤️🌹

[@meeranow]

Such a blessing, thank you both ❤️🙌❤️

[@geraldfrank1630]

When I stood in front of Katie she literally scanned me like I was the only being existing & I felt being hugged whole by her. Completely life transforming in silence it was/is! 🙏👌❤️

[@kellyprojectme]

Reading Katie’s book “Loving What Is” singlehandedly healed my relationship with my mother about a decade ago. When she triggers me now, I remind myself to stay in my own business and not start with the stories again. It makes for so much peace! xx

[@chattingesque372]

yeah I bought the audio book on a while because it was on sale and HOLY SH+T 🙀 it's amazing!

[@natalievandenberg3845]

So great to accept the other people in our lives as they are!! Definitely a mental shift 😂

[@flyingcrew2640]

Bring your own love, approval and acceptance wherever you go and then your no one's slave.. Byron Katie.. My favorite quote

[@drewsson]

You have to decide if the things that happen in this world is happening TO you, or if it's happening FOR you. Is this universe a friendly or hostile universe? One will empower you and the other takes from you, make the right choice.

[@lcbodeman]

It is so important to become more aware of our thoughts and question them. Awareness is life-changing. Loved this! Thank you, Katie and Marie!!

[@JL-fp1sm]

" Getting into the pattern of doing what's right " just by acknowledging what IS instead of wishing reality was otherwise. Wow. What an epiphany. Thank you Katie. Thank you Marie.

[@meg7699]

Not sure if this is just now coming from an exhausted pandemic working at home mom.... but there’s a feminist part of me that thinks when I ask for help (trash, dishes, toilet seat whatever) I’m not sure I can grasp this “joyful” experience of just doing all these things so I don’t offend him with my reaction to him not stepping up. I feel like this idea of just doing “the things” the keep the peace is disproportionately falling on the sanity of us moms. The host saying she just feels joyful Just doing it all erks me.

[@m.e.d.228]

My exact thought.....what if you married a lazy guy....you just end up doing everything!!! Thank you for sharing....I feel you!

[@Enormous866]

Completely agree.

[@JaimeBlanco666]

How much stewing/suffering will cause the dishes to be done, for example?

[@SoulAbundanceIQ]

I love Byron Katie so much!! I love every time you mention her, Marie, and I'm so grateful you're interviewing her! She was one of my first spiritual teachers long, long ago and her Work is so important to my life 💛

[@NenaLavonne]

Soul Abundance IQ ♥️♥️♥️

[@heidifreer-fry7289]

Thank you for introducing me to Byron Katie! What a DELIGHT! And such wisdom! She’s like a down-to-earth, more relatable Eckhart Tolle (whom I love, he’s just at sometimes so otherworldly that his methods seem out of reach on the fly). She also has a comforting, female Winnie-the-Pooh type voice. I’m now going to Google her like it’s my job! Thx again!

[@jai.jai.jaishree]

Hi Marie, thank you so much for bringing Byron Katie on the show, I have downloaded her book, and went to her event at 4am. I am blown away and thank you for doing the work and bringing great guests. Meeting Byron was the next piece of the puzzle in my spiritual growth.

[@Oldhippiechickadventures]

Omg, where have I been? This is amazing. I told a friend just yesterday, that I need to stop wanting someone to behave differently than who they are. This is mind blowing and I am so Grateful ❤

[@godizself1]

"Our stress is caused by arguing what is." Accept the reality. Let go of shoulda,woulda, coulda. Move through the judgment. Move through. Move judgment.

[@GraceBell]

Holy Smokes! Love dear Katie, who has been such a life-changing mentor to me, and Marie, who was my very first training for business, coming together in one conversation! Marie, I did your B-School long ago in 2011 to learn how to grow and build my private practice in facilitating The Work of Byron Katie, and the adventure of success, service and sharing has been amazing, bringing along self-inquiry with the whole process. I couldn't have done it without both of you. Deep bow.

[@marieforleo]

This is AMAZING! We love hearing about you, your work, and your success. BRAVA!

[@JouelletteFrenchCoaching]

Becoming the observer of our own humanity is what relaxes us. Thank you, Katie and Marie! xo

[@CyndiPerkins]

I just had a showdown with myself about the husband who leaves the dish sponge sitting in the sink, LOL, so simple but so profound. Thank you, Maria, and Katie.

[@Markhoca]

Marie's ability to get directly in touch with her feelings and be able to describe them is quite profound.

[@robertyates]

First step observe the thoughts, second step enquire who the thoughts are talking to. It’s mind talking to mind, there are no more parties at play. However, as this became clearer for me, repressed traumas overwhelmed my experience. The work of Scott Kiloby highlighting repression of trauma is priceless if your awakening sounds similar to this! With love 😍✌🏼

[@jnacd]

I really need to get her books for my mom. She is really struggling with her thoughts. I feel for her I want her to have peace.

[@NJGuy1973]

Is it true that your mother needs those books? Can you know for a fact that she needs them? How do you feel when you think the thought "my mother needs those books"? Who would you be without that thought? Can you turn that thought around?

[@Celebrianna1]

Basically, next time something disturbs you, ask yourself: 1. Is it true? (just answer YES or NO) Really? Be 100% honest. 2. What is your reaction? (thinking, feeling, past, future, imagination) 3. What do you think you should do about it? (it can be one or several things) Then do it, freed from the emotional charge noticed in step 2.

[@juliafisher5844]

So basically get on with it and be Happy?

[@IWantYoutoBeHappy4Ever]

This was the best thing I've ever listened to. She infuses this work with so much love!

[@happinessandmoney4842]

Getting married feels like a huge new box of thoughts and scary beliefs that I picked up from films. I’m working to free myself from these unhealthy thoughts.

[@saloni2117]

Same❤️

[@Judymontel]

Love, love, love!! The Work has also changed and continues to change my life every day, helping me gently detach and ask myself, repeatedly "but is it true? are you sure that it's true?" and yes, I have more work to do, but so grateful for Byron Katie!!

[@ReganHillyerCoach]

This podcast is amazing! We should do this more often, you know! Spreading love and light is really important in today's world.

[@marieforleo]

Thanks for listening, Regan. We're so glad that you're here.

[@ReganHillyerCoach]

@@marieforleo It's my pleasure!

[@patriciabilous4923]

@@marieforleo (.I

[@lyndsaypotts771]

We should do this more often, you know! Is that true? Can you absolutely know that's true?

[@InnerVisionStudios]

This is really a life changing conversation if they implement these steps into their lives.

[@DrBiohack]

Keeping control of our thoughts is so powerful🙏thank you for sharing this 💟

[@marcogasperoni2391]

So grateful soooo grateful of you and your work!!! I just got myself out of hell and back to peace when I needed it most !

[@headintheforest]

I can't bellieve you are talking to Katie!! Amazing!

[@aligned4good]

I LOVE Byron Katie! I have listened to many of her KZbin videos and learned so much about how our thoughts are the main cause of our own misery. I learned to question every negative (and positive) thought that crosses my mind. Life gets much easier when we realize that most of our thoughts are a replay of years of conditioning, and we can question every single one of them and change them around. Thank you for the reminder.

[@adriangotti1717]

"When we believe our thoughts we suffer, when we question them we don't suffer." - Wow.

[@KathaaSagar]

Such an amazing lecture connecting with simple things of life and we reliving it in the imagery of mind again and again.. And about being witness conscious of our actions.. These paradigms are abundantly seen in Gita and other Non Dualistic teachings like Drig Drishya.. The examples make it outstanding..

[@PowerfulU]

Absolutely loved this. Thanks Marie for this powerful conversation.

[@NenaLavonne]

👏👏👏👏♥️ Love this video and this strategy is life changing! Thank you both for this video. ✨

[@IEVAKambarovaite]

Thank you soooo much for this. I've been in this funny funk for the last few days that I just couldn't get out of. Blaming the weather, the country I'm at, my sister, people bad mouthing JLo and Shakira's performance... You name it. This was truly helpful. I've just got to take care of my own toilet seat first 😜

[@patriciamorris7453]

This was enlightening and inspiring! THANK YOU!

[@maureencameron1473]

Thank you Marie and Katie...The Work has been part of my life for years and this interview brought me such pleasure and peace....again and again always new...

[@erikalee8940]

Life changing video! Thank you Marie!

[@Pflanzenhunger]

Oh my god, my two favorite people in one interview 🤩🤩🤩

[@briacarter2349]

Loved this. So helpful to keep my mind in check

[@ilovelife3487]

I know the toilet seat is just an example but this was an issue at my home with my 22 year old son, he cured me of my annoyance by saying "mum actually I think you should put the seat up"! Every time I think of it it makes me laugh! 🤣 it never irritated me again. ❤x

[@stephaniepatelpsychicmediu5008]

LOL. That's a great one, I never heard that before. THanks for that.

[@MsGolftango]

Everyone should put the toilet seat down because a plume of dirty water droplets coats the surfaces of the bathroom when you flush with the lid up... just saying...

[@catherinemyers7419]

@@MsGolftango 💜🦋💜every time we think 'should' .. then, it's time to ask the 4 questions 💜🦋💜

[@betsys.3668]

That was my thought, like it’s more about being considerate of each other right? I am new to this process and am very aware of my thoughts. But in loving what is, where do we draw the line for the other party’s accountability and lack of humanity? (Thinking about violence, abuse etc) discuss! Lol

[@t.tenney3470]

Everyone should put the lid down, actually. Why is the seat up, anyway? A toilet is not a urinal.....

[@helenkinson9063]

Such a great interview! Loved this one! Thank you, Marie!

[@normaaguilar6855]

Wow, I just learned so much Blessings

[@Skyrunner2]

This conversation was so profound and eye opening. At the same time I laughed soooo much. The toilet seat example was the best. Very simple yet applicable to those "little" moments and thoughts we go through in our life's and tend to take over. I learned greatly during this episode. Thank you Marie ❤️

[@claritstv]

Beautiful . It's true !

[@MetalHendrix.]

Thank You for sharing this Experience with Us. I appreciate it.

[@kaylei001]

I loveeeee Byron Katie!!!!

[@NenaLavonne]

Kelly Lei yes! She is WONDERFUL ♥️

[@cosmicblondelover6830]

So basically, don't resist anything, just shift your perspective on it..like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy...acceptance is the key..

[@marik1104]

This was great! Thank you

[@andik1873]

Wow! Two of my favorite women in one podcast. Seriously this is a great find.

[@justsomejojo]

As someone who was bullied a lot and still struggles with that, the Work approach is a hard pill to swallow to be honest. But people keep bringing it up so might es well give it a try. This talk at least gave me some insight, because my first thought definitely always was "but doesn't make me excuse other's behavior and make me a carpet to walk on?". I still have a hard time getting out of that logic but hey, small steps.

[@ljlepisto3123]

Happy Easter and thank you!!!

[@susanmacpherson1466]

I’m late and watching this but you’re both wonderful!

[@laavanya9584]

Beautiful!!

[@FeelGoodWithin]

She is simply superb 👏 💯 I truly loved it 😝 😍

[@davesmith3925]

Sometimes I've gotten up through the night without enough light and startled myself awake when I sat on toilet and felt like I was falling off a cliff onto a cold dirty lake butt first. 🚣‍♀️

[@noriginal2546]

Thank you Jack Handey. If you ever go up in a spaceship and take your dog make sure not to let him stick his head out the window or else his face might burn up.

[@rickygarcha2999]

These questions still make it difficult for me to find my authentic self. The authentic self is what I’m trying to become.

[@richardsrensen4219]

i love this

[@natalievandenberg3845]

When somebody in your life is blaming you, has certain “should” ideas you’re not following ... it’s their problem, not mine, yet their hostility is hard to take

[@redmoon8217]

Amazing and love the message and the work . Though so much of it taken from other things like, Buddhist non-resident, also 'letting go' the 'sedona method' so on.

[@FeelGoodWithin]

I loved it 😝 😍 👏 🎊

[@addhoc256]

I have an invisable handicap (as a kid i had sepsis and meningitus)and I unintentionally do not do things as perfect as people think I should do it. So im chaotic and forget things when Im tired etc. But at the same time I am smart wjth a university degree. So noone would guess. Even I thought it was all adhd but now we are finding out that wasnt the full story all along. All my life I had to deal with people completely disqualifying me over a very small thing. Total disdain (as if I had left the toiletseat up: they make it mean something about them. Like I do it on purpose to hurt them). And that is what you hear from other people as well: the handicap isnt that big we can still do everything we want to. It is the reaction of other people that is a big problem. They are living in an overlay: the narcissistic thought that we should be doing things the way they do it. And if you do it slightly different but still as good they are still disqualifying us. If you then tell them 'im slightly dislectic I wrote one spelling mistake that doesnt mean I am sloppy" . Or: I do not have a drivers licence, not because I am a parasite that wants others to drive for me but because I am perfectly fine in public transport and I just happen to not be able to drive" . They then completely turn around instead of telling you off they put you in the pittifull disordered handicapped category. Like I should tattoo a sign on my forehead with exactly all I can or cannot do. I do not want to tell my whole medical file to them just "no sorry cant do that" should be enough. But they want an explanation. Because there is only their way or if not you are handicapped and therefor not a regular person. Personally I do think their handicap is bigger than mine. But what do I get out of this: I recently came to the conclusion (thanx to videos like this) that I should just appreciate people the way I am. There are people who dont make it about themselves but really just accept things: ok you are not good at this or that when your tired and you are easily tired ok. So some people are really able to accept what is and work with that. Even if they dont know the medical reasons: they dont need to know why because that doesnt change their category. They trust i do my best and dont want to reeducate me and tell me off. So its easier to tell them in advanceI cant do things because I know they wont hold it against me. So I dont go over my energy boundaries if I can be honest I can only do ine interview and one review a week not 3 like the others. So when Im hinest I dont overpromise just to fit in and burnout and dissapoint them. I learn more about my boundaries with them. I meet those people (the majority of people) only recently. I spend my life fighting with and justify to the other type of people and feeling not good enough and ashamed because i was dissapointment. Only now I am in the proces of deciding Im good enough as is. Only now I meet the people to whom I dont have to justify myself the whole time. So the other part of this video finally the coin dropped for me too. If you accept reality (even if that rwality is your own dissalointment and non acceptemce of the brain you have to work with) only if you accept yourself you can accept others and just see what is. and then the miracle happens: you are able to be true with them and rhe whole problem gets solved because ypur less tired because they accept boundaries. And then the "handicap' itself is much less existing in my life. I can even drive a microcar now (a scooter with a roof that looks just like a real car but cannot go on the highway) because I finally accepted my brain and am not ashamed of it. Its like picking up the trash like mensioned in this video. I am unstucking myself from saying : it shouldnt be this way. Exeptance does not mean using the handicap to make people feel sorry. Its only the narcs with only 2 categories that are both about them that feel sorry. Just admitting to the handicap enables me to meet more people that are seeing reality. But I read Byrons Katie work yeas before but didnt think it applied to me then because I never fuzz about how other people must do things. Just when I quitted smoking I did it with RET some NLP method that is probably inspired by The Work because it also says you Must not stop smoking. But if you Want to you could. The must makes people stuck in a loop. So it took a while to admit I also had this rigid" Must" Should way of thinking only it was applied to myself and other people around me were thinking that way and I didnt see it because I thought they were right. Like people in the comments saying : but the toilet seat should be down anyway". No it shouldnt because it isnt. Its up deal with ot. Im going to keep that in if someone says I should do something. I will respond: like the toilet seat shout be up? They will probably not understand but its funny to me.

[@melm1932]

I believe understand what you mean. Im happy that you no longer need to justify your abilities or inabilities to critical people. Your self acceptance is a loving gift no one can take away. May God bless you.

[@debtfreedivas8513]

Thanks for a great share.

[@juliafisher5844]

God

[@leeclarke8993]

Choose what is.

[@carolgates5297]

Nice

[@keryngasparini3790]

I just flick the toilet seat down when he forgets because its soft closing!😂😙

[@sheralinares13]

Soft close is the best. No toilets seats up in this house. LOL

[@gluckso4090]

❤️🙏🏼❤️

[@rg5706]

I really tried to get into what she was saying, but sometimes people genuinely are jerks. Should we just let them get away with whatever they want while we think ourselves out of being angry and annoyed?

[@Harshtruthwomen]

"Know that which pervades the entire body is indestructible, indeed no one can destroy the imperishable soul."

[@dalcloud8873]

It's so frustrating that I can intellectually grasp this yet not do it!!!! :) :) :)

[@debtfreedivas8513]

Katie says we need to do the Work on the worksheet, not just in our heads.

[@BeccaW888]

❤️❤️❤️🙏

[@mykasoda]

Does anyone know if this works with regret? Something like “I should’ve bought Tesla stock at $2” Obviously it’s a yes, BUT that’s with hindsight bias. So is this only for current stuff? Thanks so much if anyone knows :)

[@sunstarsmoon]

I can't believe you started out talking about litter, that's my biggest peeve!!!

[@Wayfarer03]

Is it true there is not a link to Byron Katie’s page on your description? 😊

[@TeamForleo]

Hey Elizabeth, we don't but you can find it right here: thework.com/ Enjoy! - Monauar, Team Forleo

[@victoriaashworth9359]

The toilet seat is just an examle, just go about your life & dont let the toilet seat upset you, act as an examle for yourself & the world.

[@liz3511]

I struggled to follow this or see why it's so life-changing. Maybe I'm just not ready:-(

[@livelaughlove4635]

I agree. That's why I'm here reading the comments. Aside from a few tips here and there I didn't feel like it was life changing. I'm sure her work, as a whole, is but not this interview. I think it was the seat up example. I understand why Marie picked it but I was hoping for something deeper or something I could relate to. 😬

[@creativesolutions902]

I wonder if men often think, “she should put the toilet seat up” LOL

[@hankaul6256]

totally

[@domsito2315]

that's a great url to send to your gf when she brings toilet seat thing up next time.

[@ThaoLeSmileyEyes]

I am having a challenge in answering if this is true. For ex. I am feeling disappointed that the employer did not give me the raise that I am worth. Is is true? I think yes, because I look at the market data. I feel undervalued with the thought and without the thought, I would like my job and the people. Then how do I go from there?

[@maleidi]

I started tô think IF The toilet seat is UP, then it is not dirty. 👍

[@JackieGauthier]

I’m still confused. It’s not about toilet seat. It’s about the issue that we agreed on putting the seat down. So it gets into respect and care for one another and follow through with our word. I need therapy.

[@debtfreedivas8513]

BK's worksheet is at The Work. Writing it down with the 4 steps is essential to processing, not just thinking and talking about the issue.

[@juliafisher5844]

I don't get it either sounds like if you're not happy do it yourself and be happy isn't this like smiling happy perfect housewife I don't get it!

[@mehfil2011]

What I understood is my happiness is NOT dependent upon someone else who should put down the toilet seat, my happiness is in MY hands. I would NOT let my mind wander around the thought of toilet seat , I would do / see what I like to do / see, and that I like to see the seat down so I would just do it. This thought process is helping me a lot, it stops the clutter in my mind, I hope this helps!

[@goldieslocks2001]

Please everyone put down the seat and the lid so the dog doesn't drink from the bowl🐾

[@hankaul6256]

no

[@miriambrophy7422]

I became my own toilet seat!!

[@michelleeggers6871]

Would someone just tell me the 4q's????

[@NJGuy1973]

Is your thought true? Can you know for a fact that it's true? How do you feel when you think the thought? Who would you be without the thought?

[@decembersix8206]

Not sure I understand. So be more aware of your thoughts? for example if you are fat and made up your mind that you will never loose the weight?

[@annechappee8825]

For some reason, this makes me angrier. Ha!

[@joytekb]

Tree is not a tree, because in german is baum in french arbre in spanish arbol in italian albero.

[@sarah_cary]

I need to know "why" the answer to "is it true" is no 🤣

[@flor3801]

Sarah Cary I wanna know too. Wouldve loved to hear her story of how she got to the "no"

[@addhoc256]

obviously the toilet seat can also be up because in reality it is up. As you can clearly see. So if you look at reality it is useless saying it should be different. and you attach your whole identity to something that isnt really happening.

[@flor3801]

@@addhoc256 wow now I finally understand it fully. Thank you for the explanation✨

[@mistyburt6218]

@@addhoc256 I still don't get this exactly. I have anxiety and depression and constantly searching for understanding.

[@addhoc256]

@@mistyburt6218 sorry to hear that. i feel for you. I dont know the answer either. I guess there is no magic want. those things in the video only work in some cases. we all need connection and understanding from people around us. but when its not there i dont know how to get it. It will get better in time Im sure. I read the book "Anatomy of Lonelyness" a while ago some chapters were ok. But sometimes we dont need more words. It can not all be solved with words like books and videos. we need real friends that understand and feel with us. Is there a patient organisation of some sort where you live? a group of people that have what you have that gather in live meetings?

[@casscara]

Bad example, both should close the toilet lid seat and all for good Feng shui, but I get the point.

[@extone6338]

If anything, only when flushing so as to not let fecal bacteria all over the bathroom. Supposedly. Otherwise there's no use in closing the toilet seat (especially if one has diarrhea that 1-2 seconds can make a big difference, lol).

[@casscara]

@@extone6338 I suppose toddlers tossing things in it would be a good reason. I think it's gross that dogs drink toilet water even when the have a fresh bowl of water of their own.

[@extone6338]

@@casscara True, in those cases it'd make sense to keep it closed. Well, unless closing the bathroom door solves the problem... I suppose toddlers can't open doors but for some dogs that's no challenge (sadly. Except for cases when that'd allow them to save a person or sth).

[@sharonanderson5622]

There would be no war if ...? Study history and realise it is a systemic issue not a thought issue.