Why I'll NEVER Go Back To Therapy After Doing It For 10 Years *Plus Everything It Taught Me*

[@AnUrbanGypsy]

This is why you often see - in Australia anyway - two middle aged women dressed in active wear, either early morning or after dinner, walking together and talking and venting fit to burst. This act literally saves a myriad of friendships and relationships and helps prevent multiple murders 😂. The more ‘venty’ you are, the faster you walk, the fitter you get. Therapy can be a great tool and guidance is often needed but a lot can be said for a weekly walk and talk with a friend.

[@briannegarcia8265]

I agree!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

So true!

[@sarahburnell653]

Therapy shouldn’t be about going to ‘vent’ it should be about you learning to understand your patterns of behaviour that are holding you back in life. A therapist should never be telling you what to do, they are there to help you understand yourself better and what is right for you. You have to be prepared to really look at yourself, be honest and bring to therapy the real things you want to change.

[@carrino15]

For PTSD and depression and other life-threatening health issues, please do seek help. Also, there is a difference between psychologists and motivational coaches. Using friends as therapists could backfire if the friends begin to linger resentment for being used like that since it could feel like they have become someone's emotional garbage can if it is not talked about in a good way with boundaries and lots of positive affirmation. I suggest 1:5, it is based on the research by Gottman and Gottman, for every negative interaction /insult/misunderstanding have 5 positive experiences together. Relationships are fragile and trust take time..... TLC man .... :)

[@Fstop313]

A therapist harmed me so badly after a extremely traumatic event. Suggesting that a therapist can replace people who have known you outside of a traumatized context is laughable.

[@logikgirl12]

My problem with therapy is that therapists do not need to provide results. Every other profession has to provide results, otherwise they will be fired. But in the "Mental health industry" there is no such requirement.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

This is such a good point!

[@carolynm.8868]

Years ago I got stuck in therapy for more than 2 years. I came in with the same issue, same complaints, same tears. The therapist would only nod, say uh huh or mmmm. When she finally did make a comment it was “life is messy”. I told my Mom and she said your therapist has made an unspoken agreement with you that you will not change and she will not comment. I stopped seeing that therapist. Shortly after I resolved my own issue and have never looked back !

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

So happy for you! 👏

[@meagold1041]

I’m actually kind of surprised that you been in therapy for 10 years and only recently you realized that you have a problem with your shopping habits! Like none of these therapists have ever had the ability to figure this out with you? As you said last 4 months you haven’t been to therapy but also the last 4 months you’ve changed the most-at least what we can see through youtube. It was a progress because you’ve started realizing your bad shipping habits a few years back, and just recently you decided to change but do you think it was all you, or the therapist helped to come to the realization of needing to change?

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

This could be a whole video in itself! I might discuss it further in a video Thankyou for the inspiration xoxo

[@hannkg7715]

I agree with everything you have said. I have a teen that had therapy for 3 years for anxiety and there was never any real solution. It was this circle of attend a session with the psych, vent and complain, go home and nothing changed. What did eventually help was medication (a mild dose) to reduce his anxiety. The medication relaxed him and the habit of constantly worrying diminished greatly. It was like new neural pathways formed to create a new habit of NOT worrying about everything.

[@Dobermanmomma]

Therapy is the biggest scam! After many years I questioned the therapist of what we were doing, what the goals are, when it would end, what the point was other than taking my money and taking advantage of my trauma and the phd therapist couldnt answer the questions then terminated the therapy with the only explanation being 'you wont understand'. I called her out for ripping me off and she admitted it through her actions. Sucked because I thought she actually cared about me but turned out she was just a crook.

[@rezzieggg]

I’m so sorry this happened to you! From what I understand there is supposed to be an end date to therapy and you should be finding progress and the goals should be clearly set early on. I do think therapy with the right therapist can be helpful to people and it’s helped me and some of my friends. That said, I’m so sorry this therapist failed you and essentially scammed you! My first therapist wasn’t the best fit and almost put me off therapy because she wasn’t professional, so I completely understand feeling put off by therapy altogether. It’s definitely a challenge to find the right therapist for you, although I do wish that wasn’t the case.

[@phantomthread4385]

As someone who needed therapy but never did due to stigma and money I think that therapy is necessary for some situations but therapy can be the lazy persons way of dealing with life. Sometimes doing the work helps more than just giving the responsibility to someone else. I hope this makes sense!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

I completely agree with you, I think to uncover things in your past or deal with horrific things that a human may experience it can be necessary and also helpful- things like loss, illness or abuse And I also think in certain circumstances you can get stuck in a therapy loop and unable to move forward with your life I think I was there for a bit x

[@dori9024]

I had several therapists and I can honestly say I did not find any of them to be helpful. Sometimes when it came to a pivotal moment that I was able to discover in myself that was troubling me to discuss further in detail and seek guidance my time was up for my session. I am sure others have successfully been helped, but for myself a therapist is someone you paid to be your friend and listen to you vent. I am now 72 years of age and have had many loses, regrets, guilts, embarrassments in my life. I consider these lessons I have experienced and learned. I now seek faith, spirituality, philosophy, generosity, kindness, act of service to be my compass in life.

[@gorgeouss79]

I have 4 older sisters and some close girlfriends. I don’t mind when they vent to me about their lives, but it can be quite exhausting and takes a toll on my own mental health. I allowed that too much in my 20s. I learned in my 30s that a lot of my own anxiety and mental health issues revolves around their constant “venting”. No, I’m not going to let their problems affect me in my personal life, go see a therapist! Mind you, they have kids and spouses and houses and I don’t. I work and happily single atm, so sometimes I feel as though they think I’m “free” mentally to acquire their problems. No more! Keep your problems to yourself or go see a shrink and leave me alone! Lolol

[@gorgeouss79]

Another this is it’s hard not to judge them when they’re constantly complaining or venting. And I don’t like doing that.

[@22MEAP]

Shopping around is truly key!! 🗝️ I tell everyone its like dating 😅 sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right fit.

[@carolalvarez3925]

All so very true! I have had several therapists over the bumpy course of my life. Today, I believe that books, articles, you tube videos etc. are much more helpful. I could go on and on but I think for someone as you g as you are, you summed it up brilliantly.

[@carolalvarez3925]

.. young not g

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou!

[@giedrebey5444]

Hi Caitlin. I do believe that therapy is needed. Honestly i wish i had one earlier. It would save me so many arguments, with my husband and even friends. Now i do not like when ppl put me on the spot, grill me, confront me. I realised , maybe 5 years ago, that my choleric temperament, is not good nor my marriage, nor my health, and of course, anger , and crying and stress all ageing us … so i am working on myself. So if i would go back in time, i would got therapist, so certain things could be addressed from my childhood and corrected. Good therapist dont really need to know what happened, they can pick up from our behaviour , where is the problem or certain behaviour stem from. My husband always saying , that once we get through his health issues, we need really good therapist. I agree it has to be good one, so that you would not need him forever as a crutch. We watch this show “put a ring on it” its not an ordinary reality show 🤪 couples trying to figure it out problems in their relationship with the therapist and her techniques. So the first season, the therapist was amazing, the show was so popular. we and so many other couples were watching and analysing their own relationship. Now its season 2 and therapist she is very aggressive,argumentative. Its so big difference . I dont think that the show is going to be as popular. I disagree with you about friends opinion. A lot of times in life, they can be jealous or have their own hung ups, from their own not so successful relationships. And they will interfere, in your relationship or marriage… 😳 Ok thank you Caitlin, for bringing out interesting subjects, that could benefit us all🙏🙏🙏 Have a blessed day🙏💗

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou so much for sharing ❤️

[@emilylucitt]

The therapist with the cat would have been my cup of tea (further evidence that we are all different in what therapeutic methods work). Also, I’ve found it best to go in with a goal, be prepared to do the homework, and then periodically reassess that goal, and how you’re doing moving towards it. I also did therapy on and off for years, and don’t currently because I learned what I needed to learn and found what works for me at this point in my life.

[@cecylfosu8407]

Nolkibbbbbbbb 1:52

[@ladanhariri]

Your incredible success in therapy is a reflection of YOU and your insight. I have so many patients who just can’t achieve that “lightbulb moment” because they can’t take responsibility for their contribution. I’m so proud of you and so inspired by you!!!!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Ah Thankyou so so much! You have no idea how much that means for you to comment this ❤️

[@Merelvanpoucke]

I've been in therapy for 6 years, from age 16 to 21 and indeed; the therapist is not just going to give you a solution to all your problems that you can just apply. It can give you a feel tools, it brought me insights and it helped me to learn to talked about things (but also rather than talking to a friend it was nice to have someone outside off my life that i could talk to)

[@Nish556]

Love this content!!!! More than the luxury stuff, haha.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Yay! Thank you!

[@anyasyht]

I love your rebrand Caitlin! I do enjoy luxury but lately I have been feeling the same way you do.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou so much Anya! That really means a lot ❤️

[@sams3015]

I totally agree with this video. I think different types of therapy suit different people too. Like CBT was a game changer for me but my friend hated it

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

Different modalities work for different people. I much prefer ACT vs CBT.

[@ivanazgb]

Hi, Caitlin, would you consider making a video on your favourite self-help (or non-fiction) books that you found helpful for yourself? I enjoy your videos very much and would really be grateful for more insights from your self-growth journey :)

[@NNaadah]

I've watched several of your videos now. Interesting. You said you did (about) 120 hours of therapy over 10 years? Do you realize that only works out to about 4 hours a year? Now if you were someone who had very grave psychiatric issues; that would never cut it. So, I suppose.... if you've had a life where intense treatment (like hospitalizations, rehab, day treatment programs, or even heavy duty drugs) weren't necessary; be grateful for the challenges you've not had to face. Behavioral health isn't as strait forward as surgery, or fixing a broken bone. There's a lot about the brain, resilience and tolerance for individual recovery potential that we don't understand. How is it some people come out of profoundly devastating circumstances with the ability to thrive; when others, who don't seem to remember much adversity at all, but can never seem to function well? Personally, I think the ability to take personal responsibility for the direction one's life is going, is the biggest factor between recovery and relapse. And we also know temperament plays a role; but so do factors like attitudes of one's society and what era we live in. It can't be boiled down strictly to the "quality" of the therapist.

[@jennyserenityforestelgin]

I think this highlights that there are many types of therapists and a behavioral therapist vs. the old school psychodynamic (very little feedback more reflecting) may be a better options for specific issues, treatment plans should be used, and there should be goals and end dates. Seeing the same therapist regularly for yrs fosters dependence vs. coming in a couple times a yr. for accountability. I was an addictions counselor for 25yrs and if anyone came to only vent not to work i would challenge that and refer them to a different type of therapist. The type and expertise with the issue definitly makes a difference in treatment outcomes.

[@Happinc]

One thing about people who come from old inherited money is that showing it off is the last thing they are interested in doing… having a lot of money brings total freedom to pursue true meaning to one’s life…to actual life NOT the virtual reality and superficiality of pursuing the next big purchase… that is the superficiality of the insecure nouveau riche like those appearance obsessed kardashians, having money is having freedom… but for people like the kardashians it appears they will never have enough money to fill the empty hole that is their appearance obsessed souls and that’s the tragedy of all this consumerism… it is toxic to our world and toxic to our life…

[@Fstop313]

This channel is a gem

[@LotusesGalaxyOcean]

It is really important to realize that guidance and advice have to come from a mentor, life coach or spiritual leader.

[@onthego6889]

Great Video because you experienced therapy. As a Pediatrician there is only one diagnosis where therapy and medication maybe necessary and that is depression. All other possible mental health issues can and should be addressed on your own. Just like you said coping skills. Self help. Maturity has a lot to do with it. Also understanding you yourself have to live and deal with emotional baggage and relying on therapy to cope is just not healthy and not reality. Great video, sensitive topic for many…..

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thanks for watching 😊

[@goosewithagibus]

I've found therapists haven't ever really helped me

[@chrsitineadriaenssen6074]

Going to therapy and getting advice is worser than the illness

[@nubbyrose87]

I never went to therapy but all of this is good common sense advise - stuff it can take a life time to learn so I think you’ve been well served by the help you received.

[@jencramer21]

Very Helpful, You’re Awesome!

[@poopayto]

As a psychotherapist practicing in NA, I can see where Caitlin is coming from. A lot of what was said, I would hold the therapist responsible. It is our job to assess the comfortability, fit, pace, goals, etc. of the client. A good therapist should have the tools to know whether their client have become too dependent or uncomfortable (!), if their methods are not working, and setting the right expectations. A good therapist is all about making correct judgement on assessment and referring clients out if the fit is not right. Therapy is a huge investment and it’s not for everyone. What’s important is access to different resources and not being alone during hard times.

[@sarahburnell653]

Absolutely. I was thinking the same!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

What’s your thoughts on therapy? Another video to check out: How I Beat My Anxiety Naturally WITHOUT Medication kzbin.info/www/bejne/mGHZamCchrCoqdE

[@chrsitineadriaenssen6074]

No help, accept your weaknesses

[@clare2272]

Great video, would love to see one on conflict resolution! ❤

[@gracecarter8734]

Great video - lots of good info. One book on boundaries that has actual scripts in it is The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban. For years I struggled to express boundaries in so many ways, but no matter what I tried, it just didn't work. But this book has given me the words - clear, kind effective ways of communicating and enforcing boundaries. And they're working elegantly! Yes, you can outgrow a particular therapist and at seasons in your life may not need therapy at all. I went for about 10 years as well to work through some trauma, and I too had different therapists at different stages. One of the first told me that "a therapist can only help you as far as they have come in their own journey." It was one of the best pieces of knowledge I got. It's true about friends and relationships too. Knowing when to move on, in therapy, in friendships, career, etc. I agree, therapy only takes you so far. It's like a boat - you can get in so you don't drown, but eventually you have to grab the oars and row or you'll never get anywhere.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou for sharing your thoughts ❤️

[@laurenterry1711]

Caitlin, I love your new content. Your transition throughout this last year or two, leading to this point of total channel rebrand has been inspirational to me. Thank you for following your truth and taking us all with you.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Yay! Thank you! I’m so glad you’re here ☺️

[@extrememinimalism]

ive been to therapy in and out since i was 16. about 11 years. im currently doing schema therapy with the hope of addressing food beliefs and the stigma around sex and porn. as they are problem areas that magnify other areas of life like relationships, confidence, health etc. too early to say what i think but so far, im hopeful as no other thing has helped long term just yet. though, i had someone who was very sex positive as a accidently life coach and that did help just knowing a professional could be both.

[@chrsitineadriaenssen6074]

Why noth being weak?

[@Jennyzcool8787]

After 7 therapist and psychologicalist I'm starting to recognize the issue. I start psychoanalyzing them😂 those short responses don't do it for me. I found most of them busy, overwhelmed and burnt out. Lets not forget the You gotta journal journal journal!😂 like let me find another way. I have to reframe retrain my mind and body and forgive. Change my own life becauae no one is going to save me help me and sympathize. God is the author of my life but its my responsibility to edify myself.

[@hw7029]

Maybe KZbin is your therapy - not just talking it out, but getting feedback from the community?

[@4TheLoveOfAlex]

Another AMAZING WELL THOUGHT OUT VIDEO… ( love the new comfortable living area in this video 🤗) I am truly happy for you 😊😊😊😊😊 you definitely seem well balanced , you got this 😊

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thank you so much!! ❤️

[@4TheLoveOfAlex]

@@CaitlinPawlowski you’re welcome 😊

[@gorgeouss79]

My cat is my therapist 😂😊 she’s definitely my “healer” ❤

[@Cherslife]

This is true as women. Sometimes we do feel guilt. People also ignore our feelings.

[@f.indimi]

I love how you addressed this, this is exactly where i am. Thank you for sharing

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou for being here ☺️❤️

[@kaylheecarroll3186]

Very insightful and helpful 😊❤

[@kingkhenny8016]

Jesus is peace. He is all you need. Try him ❤

[@lisagreenman4210]

I LOVED this video!!!! You made some amazing points, I definitely can relate. I have been watching you for many years and I think that you are such an inspiration. Have a wonderful weekend!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thank you so much!! Have a good day xx

[@EsotericRavenclaw]

Kick ass video! Thankn you.

[@briannegarcia8265]

Loved this video! I agree with what you said and had similar experiences! I live this content!

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!

[@nidhisharma28]

Pls can you do structured conflict resolution u mentioned as a dedicated video would love to see.. Thank you

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou for the suggestion!

[@basemaelmasri3698]

It seems like your life changed for the better once you got into a relationship. Is that the case ?

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Hmm maybe although I don’t think it happened right away so maybe not ☺️

[@Happyfitmaree]

This is a great topic. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thanks for watching!

[@deninespruce63]

Ooooiiii if I goi it would would oo

[@RowenaKel]

You are so sensible. Great video.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

I appreciate that! Thanks for watching

[@devincristopher3]

good evening caitlin🦋🖤🦋

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

👋 ❤️☺️

[@Restless318]

so so happy in your new life

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

❤️❤️❤️

[@kimng9179]

LOVE this video!! 🥰

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thank you!! Xx

[@dixiesmitherman6898]

Ok… that cat business is weird. As someone with a cat phobia I would have to go to another therapist just about that. Not kidding.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

😂 definitely not for everyone!

[@cockatoo657]

It's very hard to change even when you want to, so be nice to yourself and know that things won't change instantly.

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Absolutely!! Xx

[@IS-gk4jf]

🩷 thank you

[@CaitlinPawlowski]

Thankyou for watching xx