California’s Rainpocalypse | Taylor’s GRAMMY Surprise | Biden: Trump Is A “Sick F***”

An atmospheric river is responsible for wild weather out West, Taylor Swift shocked fans by announcing a new album is on the way, and we finally know what President Biden says about Donald Trump behind closed doors.
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

[@KarstenJohansson]

For the record, Elvis didn't dodge his military duty.

[@Washougalite1]

Right?

[@Washougalite1]

🏆 That should be said every time he says he looks like e Elvis 😅

[@jongmod9440]

ABSOLUTELY and he refused any "perks " because of who he was. Truly a great man, not at all like tfg " heel spurs " wus!! 😂😂VOTE BLUE 🙏

[@KarstenJohansson]

@@Washougalite1 It should be said, in his own words, "A LOT!"

[@justsaying14]

Elvis vs Smellvis 🤢

[@NewMessage]

Not gonna lie... I consider Joe correctly identifying Donnie as said sick **BLEEP** a successful cognition test.

[@bigl6322]

That’s comment of the day!!

[@Nan-59]

💯%

[@reverendjesus]

You can say fuck on KZbin

[@ZoomZoomMX3]

What else do you call a rapist?

[@user-zb9lv3gh8s]

Man, woman, person, camera, sick f*#k. Yep, that's how the test goes.

[@jamesholbrook6734]

Thanks to Fox News, Taylor Swift doesn’t need to endorse Biden anymore. Everyone knows that she likes Biden already, probably better than if she had done so herself!🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@rachels.8051]

She also endorsed him last election. I think we can assume her endorsement stands.

[@barbaravandenbulcke190]

FOX managed to bring Taylor Swift to the notice of even more people. Goed gedaan, VOS nieuws!

[@rachelredden6682]

Stop watching fox news. You're destroying your brain.

[@ERub66]

I’m from NJ and I’ve been flipping him the bird since the 1980’s. He’s been a menace to too many people and businesses.

[@rathersane]

So you’ve been showing that sick f*** the ol’ von Clownstick (apologies to another NJ native) for nearly half a century then. Kudos!!!!!

[@clairebear1808]

I’m in Palm Beach Gardens and we hate him! I want to puke 🤮 every time I hear or see him.

[@clairebear1808]

He thought he was going to kill PGA TOUR oh hell to the no! Thank you Tiger Woods for saving the PGA.

[@patriciatinkey2677]

I had heard that stinky tRump had stiffed a lot of businesses in NJ, as well as NY. That's now confirmed by 4 very different sources.

[@ricknoyb1613]

And I've hated Trump within the first minute of listening to that pompous windbag brag about himself in the 1980's. Maybe time to do better? Oh and wah, wah, wah. Was it taxes or protecting the environment that your business suffered so poorly from?

[@kindablue1959]

Note though Biden interrupted himself mid sentence, he still immediately finished the sentence with the correct date. He's not losing his mind, he's just old enough that he doesn't give af what he's 'supposed' to do.

[@rcpmac]

Yes me too at 72 it’s true… I’ll spare you the rest… of the haiku.

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

Exactly. If we are all being honest, no matter our age, we have all had times where we forgot where we left off. I love it when I successfully get back on track. It's official he's like the rest of us

[@arcticgoddess]

He looks old once in awhile. Who gives a sht? Look at what he has achieved! He gave up spending his twilight years with his beloved family, to SAVE this country, at the expense of humiliating his remaining son, and he has never complained. Joe never went after lobbying money, he always came to work for the people because he loves this country. With all that he's accomplished in only three years, I sure hope people start giving him his due when answering polls. The economy is roaring, prices are coming down, like WTF do you want America? A bunch of lies that will never improve your life, or $35/ month insulin?People around the world love Biden and marvel at what he's done, but Americans believe hate filled fairy tales and complain. 🙄

[@chonqmonk]

@@SoManyRandomRamblings Marijuana causes that.

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

@@chonqmonk causes us to remember where we left off? Interesting claim. Lol. 😉

[@laalaa99stl]

Don't know about looking like him, but I hope he'll be singing "Jailhouse Rock" real soon now!

[@moniqueengleman873]

😂😂👍

[@KrisatWow]

😂

[@perttikiviranta2419]

😂😂😂

[@JenHoegeman]

It’s Now Or (come November) Never!

[@connieg2581]

Good one😂

[@MunkyDrag0n]

The only way Trump can flip New York and New Jersey is by turning a map upside down

[@Rhov9]

I’ve lived in NJ all my life and I literally could never imagine our state flipping red, let alone flipping red for TRUMP. Get outta hereeeee 😂

[@abthedragon4921]

Biden hit the nail on the head perfectly.

[@jakthered7409]

How many other presidents just stop and say hello to someone they recognize in the crowd. That's so refreshing and down to earth honestly.

[@TheBibleSkeptic]

That's exactly what I thought. Some find it odd and a signal of mental impairment, but he's really just multitasking. And, wholesome that he pauses to recognize someone coming into the room.

[@susanfrancis5471]

I remember when trump said “look at my black over here”. Only black guy in the crowd. Drumpf is such a man, woman, person, camera, TV, and he’s still talking about acing that test.

[@JohnnyDelco]

You can’t be a rational thinking human 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

And he didn't lose track of where he was in his sentence either. And every age will sometimes forget what they were saying when they interrupt themselves.

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

​@@JohnnyDelco what rock have you been living under? Just about every one at one point or another makes jokes about having "squirrel moments" (reference to the movie UP) it is normal to get distracted ...... what makes what he did not a show of anything negative is that he was able to go right back to exactly where he was in his sentence. No matter the age group, everyone has experienced not remembering what they were saying when they got distracted. So this is actually a show of good cognitive function.

[@manbtm1]

Biden just keeps impressing me more and more, he certainly has it right about the description of Trump and thankfully he wasn’t afraid to say it, vote, Joe

[@kathiwilson1169]

I did, I did, I did! Voted all blue! Vote down the LOSER PARTY!

[@user-ey3ts3is7h]

​@@kathiwilson1169 You are a looser because you did not.

[@MakeXRPGreatAgain]

I cannot believe this bias propaganda & manipulative undertones of sarcastic poor losers - how is this platform legal. this is garbage media - you cry babies are going to have to suck it up for the next 4 years & shut the hell up. - Merica!

[@emyf9194]

Biden is giving your money n funding Israel for genocide

[@thinkforyourself828]

What a fool you are.

[@peterblood50]

Speaking of Groundhogs' Day, my 4 year old grandson told me all about it. He says "If the groundhog sees his shadow, it means 6 more days of Christmas! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@thisbushnell2012]

"What a fxxin' 'THAT"S the JOE I was missing. Keep bringing it, Joe!

[@DarkPesco]

Apparently Biden is actually sharp mentally! Nailed it!

[@pronounsushistore]

You dont believe that

[@harvey3rdman464]

@@pronounsushistore I would like to say I don't believe you have the gall to tell somebody what they do and don't believe. Is it because you support a lying dictator wannabe? Could be...but only YOU know that for sure.

[@ZakPorterBridges0451]

sharper than the orange prick. @@pronounsushistore

[@katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987]

​@pronounsushistore I do. The man picks his battles. He has better things to do, but everyone has their limits.

[@thinkforyourself828]

Nobody comes close to Bobby Kennedy. Smartest man in the race.

[@MrPhotodoc]

I don't care what they think of Biden because it's great to have a wise Grandpa as a President thank you.

[@arloalps6215]

I love my Grampa Joe 💕 Vote 💙🔵

[@ginajones2328]

Gramps got my vote 💙

[@yasuke1280]

A persons age is not a measurement for their wisdom🤣.

[@yasuke1280]

@@arloalps6215😂🤡

[@arloalps6215]

@@yasuke1280 You are right about that! Because the other guy is barely 3 years younger & he's a nightmare.

[@alex35agm]

Elvis:A hunka hunka burning love.Trump:A hunka hunka burning lard.

[@michelekett8450]

To good😂😂😂

[@DakotaDeb]

😂😂😂👍

[@Jim-cp7ng]

Most underappreciated comment on this vid.

[@rosemarygant8239]

Great, you could write for Colbert

[@earthling_parth]

I would personally substitute lard for turd but otherwise spot on 💯

[@Dyjsong]

I am a child. "Mr Gorbachev, tear down deez nutz" made me laugh harder than it should.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Unlike Trump (with his magical bone spurs), Elvis didn’t dodge the draft and served his country.

[@Echo81Rumple83]

yup, even if he was an artist, he still served his country.

[@freya8133]

Yep!

[@boardcertifiable]

Thats why Elvis was the King, while Trump is a schmuck.

[@roni6215]

So Elvis was a chump and a loser ?

[@gerarddurrfartier8083]

Trump is 5’11” but Biden is a finook.

[@12thDecember]

They call him "Smelvis" now.

[@rcpmac]

That’s good. Very good 👍

[@alicewood1665]

😂

[@user-ey3ts3is7h]

Jaja great.

[@Tonyhouse1168]

Okay seriously, I have waited for the “tear down deez nuts!” quote for literal years now!! Thank you Stephen and the writers!!!

[@thomaswilliams4385]

U r gay lol

[@Terastas]

Her: "Look at this. I can use this $3,500 headset to put two separate timers over the two pots I'm cooking." Me: "Look at this. I found two egg timers at the thrift store for $2 each."

[@dielaughing73]

Not trying to brag or anything but my oven already has two timers

[@DuchessofEarlGrey]

@@dielaughing73 "Oooh, look at me, my oven has TWO timers!" *looks over to own oven with a timer that doesn't work* -.-

[@dielaughing73]

@@DuchessofEarlGrey if it's any consolation we currently have two microwaves but neither of them works!

[@DuchessofEarlGrey]

@@dielaughing73 I've got two fridges. One (Maytag) is as old as I am yet I know it would probably outlast the new one (Whirlpool) if given the chance. I just don't know if it's worth fixing (runs for hours on end and then has long defrost cycles) or even if anyone CAN fix it. But it has saved my bacon twice when the Whirlpool acted up.

[@nonna_sof5889]

I'll do you one better. I've got this magic thing called a cellphone. I can have as many timers as I want on it.

[@mad_borden]

The thing about Joe Biden is that he remembers the smallest people. So when he stops to say “Hi.” It’s because he genuinely remembered and wonders how you are. Ref. Pod Save America

[@diegosimeone]

you're kidding... he can't remember what he had for breakfast at noon. The man is totally screwed

[@lynnhathaway3755]

​@diegosimeone At least Biden doesn't call members of our military "suckers" and "losers." Biden doesn't want to destroy our democracy and turn the U. S. into a facist country. Biden doesn't suck up to Putin and Jong-un.

[@pivanov3321]

Ja, right.

[@generalthunder5796]

​@@diegosimeonelmao you don't know shit. People that old have breakfast at 545am

[@j.dragon651]

@@diegosimeone You make a good parrot.

[@Lambhat]

Yep, Joe Biden is old, but remember, Betty White could have been his mom, and we celebrated her age! :D

[@TheZsuzsana]

Biden saying hi to John was just about the most human thing a person can do. Sure, training for campaigning and all that. I like genuinity and he was caught of guard and reacted.

[@Myke...]

"Seems it never rains in Southern California Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before It never rains in California But girl, don't they warn ya? It pours, man, it pours" 1972 song

[@Eileen.Nunya.Bizz1]

You must mean It Never Rains In Southern California by Toni! Tony! Toné! 😊

[@danielgregory3295]

Albert Hammond😊❤

[@gent_Carolina]

Music vid link pls?

[@Opus313]

We all like to have fun calling Donnie names and mocking his behavior... but Joe really captured Donnie's essence with "sick f***"...

[@gamepapa1211]

Actually, the greatest insult would be "Eric's Dad."

[@NewMessage]

@@gamepapa1211 No need to be cruel!

[@HOTD108_]

"Shut the f*ck up Donnie!... You're out of your element, Donnie!" - Walter, The Big Lebowski

[@SixSonn]

You mean the guy who is laundering money through Ukraine?

[@cruachan1191]

@@gamepapa1211 Hey, it could be worse, Tiffany is sitting at home dreaming of the day she gets elevated to being a punchline in a joke.

[@xionmemoria]

I can't believe Joe Biden said that. I actually started to believe that he couldn't be sharp at his age (still say there should be a maximum age), but he's clearly got situational awareness. God speed!

[@y_fam_goeglyd]

When it comes to your dear President being mentally sharp in his early 80s, I'll tell you a story. My mother-in-law turns 90 this year, and she's as mentally sharp as she's ever been. I've known her since 1986 when she was the head teacher (principal) of a school attached to a psychiatric hospital. So she was dealing with mentally ill teens and trying to educate them (trying to educate unwilling teens is a job and a half _without_ any illnesses involved. I know because my husband is a learner mentor for teens who didn't pass their English and maths exams at 16, which you're supposed to do here before you leave education. He loves "his kids" but they drive him doo-lally-tap on a daily basis! 😂). So you can imagine how sharp she was back then (she didn't take any crap off any of them, but in her own very successful way, she got them educated whilst the docs got them better). Since then, like President Biden, she's lost a daughter to leukaemia, seen another daughter go through a painful divorce in the USA after she'd retired - we're in the UK so she flew back and forth a few times a year to help the grandkids - and has not only welcomed 9 grandchildren but 4 great-grandchildren plus a recent official addition of an extra two (our eldest daughter had two, then had her own painful divorce, got together with her genuinely perfect partner whom we adore and who already had 2 sons the same age as hers. They had a daughter 5 years ago and tied the knot a few weeks ago! Just as we love our additional two grandsons, and have since we met them, she has opened her heart and done the same thing). All of this happened after leaving her husband after 33 years of marriage (I was the only one who wasn't surprised...), remaining married (she got his pension, not his later partner 😂) until he passed away, and losing her own "friend" a couple of months ago. She's determined to live longer alone than she did with my FIL! 🤣 (Don't get me wrong, I loved him dearly, but I live with his son so... There are times when I call hubby by his dad's name. I saw her mistake early on in our life together and trained him quickly!) With similar sadness to President Biden in his life, and the same obvious love for her family, she's remained ebullient, determined and funny, as well as being as sharp as a tack. She's lost a few steps, as they say, when it comes to physicality, but she still beats both me and my husband as we've both got degenerative spinal conditions (diagnosed about 15 years apart, me first after we'd been married about 10 years. Just one of those things). You don't need a _fast_ president - FDR is definitely one of your greatest ever leaders and the only way he was going to be "fast" was to take him to the top of a steep hill and let go of his wheelchair! (We live on a small but steep hill. After one "trip" out in the village, I refused to let my husband push me in a wheelchair ever again!) What you need is what you have; a smart, experienced, loving and compassionate person who is very highly regarded by your allies. As we seem to be in the Cold War Part 2, anyone more inclined to authoritarian/selfish rule would be a fricking disaster! Much love to my American friends (and I am not forgetting my family in NC!). Keep faith in Grampa Joe. He won't let you, or anyone else, down, I'm sure of it.

[@Playwright62]

😅

[@stopthecrazyguy9948]

People who think everyone turns idiot after a certain age, tells us that you don't know many old people. To be quite frank, you are the ones who sound like an idiot.

[@MsDemonBunny]

I agree. There should be a maximum age and yes, that statement shows Biden's awareness.

[@SubtleHawk]

There shouldn't be a maximum age. That's a dumb idea. I've talked with very smart 70 year olds and extremely dumb 40 year olds. Plus, considering life expectancy is going up and one day humans might live to be 100s or 1000s of years old with future medicine advancements, that age limit is going to look even dumber.

[@ricklee6196]

Elvis vs Smellvis 🤣

[@cecilelaforce3686]

Loved the F(bleep) A(bleep) on the cognitive exam so much had to rewind and watch it again!

[@deborahcornell171]

I saw Elvis in concert twice, got a good close look too. Living, breathing, three dimensional, he was the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. It was hard to believe he was even real. Trump makes Bozo the clown look handsome. He's so delusional it's somehow funny & sickening at the same time.

[@terri6854]

Elvis also dyed his hair and wore makeup.

[@deborahcornell171]

@terri6854 Elvis's physical beauty was there with or without either. He was beautiful with his natural dark blonde hair & stunning with it dyed black. From the age of 21 on, he was one of the most photographed people in the world...photos at home, performing on stage, movies..images with & without makeup, gorgeous either way. Pictures & newsreel footage of him during his Military Service (no such pics of Trump)...no makeup or hair dye in the Army but incredibly handsome anyway. Trump dyes his hair a garish color that's not even a normal human color. Same for his makeup which also looks like it was applied by a child. There is no comparison.

[@user-ij1nv8be3i]

The Donald has a terrific hair problem at the moment. Because of the stress he's losing it fast. His implants start to look weirder and weirder and descend lower and lower on his forehead. So he steals Elvis' famous hairlock. He is the process of dementia and goes back to his youth. Elvis was his age, and had masses of women adoring him. Donald must have been jealous of him at the time and dreamt to be him..

[@LazyIRanch]

@@terri6854 So did thousands of other stage performers, and he certainly wasn't the first male performer to do so. At least Elvis didn't wear lifts in his shoes and lie about his height, or wear a diaper. What's your point?

[@jefolson6989]

I dated a women who dated Elvis. ( she was 14 yeard older than me. Was.a flight attendant for a private jet service) She also said he was the most beautiful person she has ever. seen . She couldn't believe she.was allowed to touch him. So it must be true. He did have smooth skin I must say. She never gave personal details, and I didn't ask. I'm sure I would " fall short".

[@SoManyRandomRamblings]

5:14 if you think about it, we all (no matter our age) have moments where we get distracted by something and interrupt ourselves. If we are being honest, at time we have all forgotten where we left off. HE DIDN'T FORGET.

[@runnerphile1997]

Great seeing my hometown of Ventura in here...that surf shop has been there for decades the original patagonia brand is right up the street too...hope the stores were safe ❤

[@rez1053]

Still raining here in Santa Barbara. Yesterday was a literal day of survival. Drove through a raging flooded stream to escape the evacuation zone that i had gotten closed off in. It had raised some 30ft to cross the embankment and road, when it's usually only a few inches deep of a stream. "Too weird to live. Too rare to die."

[@sagedakotalmft7763]

Wow! Be safe out there!

[@gent_Carolina]

🥺☔ Glad you're safe!! ...& that you got a free carwash, too.

[@drusillamartin9779]

President Biden hit the nail on the head. That is exactly what tump is.

[@jjackson3240]

Huh-uh. He's giving him way too much credit.

[@charlotteduarte1564]

BIDEN should be in a retirement home!

[@weegiewarbler]

​@@charlotteduarte1564 crying a river much? 😊

[@kidlenny1964]

⁠​⁠@@charlotteduarte1564 Says the person chugging kool aid and bleach…. Dumpster Don don’t know what city or who he’s running against. But you keep drinking those Dolt45’s

[@lynnhathaway3755]

​@@charlotteduarte1564Trump should be in exile.

[@nicholasstocker8864]

I just tested positive for COVID. And so Stephen Colbert really lifts my spirits during isolation.

[@yermomdotcom1]

Sucks... Guess that makes you also a sick fxck, ha! Get better soon!

[@neillcaiger7714]

Take care!

[@mbnovik]

Get well:)!

[@MylesOfGaming]

Hope you get well soon

[@SixSonn]

You'll be okay snowflake.

[@bunnyfufu9933]

If we keep getting rain like this in California we wont have to worry about fires 😂😂❤

[@danielgregory3295]

Just the mudslides..😮

[@thinkforyourself828]

Imbecile.

[@newshefan]

Lots of laughs from this video, thanks, LSSC team! 😁

[@RGNSS-hn8ew]

Trump for Penitentiary 2024!! ⛓️😫⛓️

[@TheBibleSkeptic]

I need that on a shirt

[@kerrybeahan5679]

👏👏👏👏

[@rebeccacamacho-sobczak4282]

Need that on a bumper sticker!!!

[@gerarddurrfartier8083]

Biden for psychiatric evaluation.

[@RGNSS-hn8ew]

@@gerarddurrfartier8083 He's already been evaluated Dear Comrade. The results - Two Term President! ✌️🥳👍

[@christophermarshall527]

Elvis, even dead, still has a much higher IQ than Trump

[@rabindergangapersad3665]

No bone spurs either

[@Tonyhouse1168]

And oddly enough, still shows more signs of brain activity

[@oakfat5178]

Given that Elvis isn't dead, I think Frump is hinting at #TrumpPresley2024 Or at the very least, Elvis might propose to Marilyn Monroe at the golf-course grave at Mar-o-Largo and endorse the Orange Elvis 'Now they have that thing they're calling "the AI" they could easily make it look true People will believe it. My cognitive tester patted me on the shoulder, and said "Most people turn out to be dumber than they think they are." I know the audience he means.'

[@FurtiveSkeptical]

And approximately 5x the charisma.

[@sealyoness]

Rocks have more intelligence.

[@titaniumteddybear]

So if we flipped the Groundhog thing 180 degress he'd be right 70% of the time? Why don't we just do that?

[@matthewbankey5547]

I lost it when Ronald Reagan said “deez nuts”.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Big, strong men always come up to Trump with tears in their eyes because of his overwhelming stench!

[@Echo81Rumple83]

my thoughts exactly XD

[@KDogg-xy8zp]

Joe President poopy pants 🐕‍🦺💩 hows commander doing bite any more secret service agents?

[@p.j.m.d.1948]

👍🏼😳🤣🫢😆😝🥴😆🤪🩷🤡

[@JohnnyDelco]

Cringe 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@dirtyfrench2926]

​@@JohnnyDelcoYou'll get over your delicate sensibilities... if you ever grow up.

[@JPBrooksLive]

Biden, much like his "will you shut up man!" at their debate, says about Trump what we are all thinking. He just needs to say it publicly again this time!

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

I know people who thought Biden saying shut up was tacky and unpresidential. Same people had no objection to DJT interrupting moderators and debators. Or bragging about his junk in a primary debate. Amazing. Several changed their minds after J6, but reluctantly. They're so addicted to Culture Wars.

[@sheilaboston7051]

He's got too much class for that.

[@notme2day]

Biden doesn't need to say in public what the public is already saying around the world... we just add *dumb* in the mix.

[@SpecialistScorch]

He can’t even sum up America coherently, what makes you think he can describe a political opponent?

[@notme2day]

@@SpecialistScorch you misspelled "criminal defendant".

[@yk2sunshine]

Lol. Steve- i hope you get some free promo goggles!! The monologue for that episode would be friggin mega hilarious 😂

[@unaffiliated_razorblade]

Love that John Dickerson is in Stephen's 'Dad band'!!

[@souhilabouchareb9386]

The fires in Chili, the rains in South California...we can all agree on the fact that climate change is real and must be a priority to deal with. My deepest thoughts to the people living in these areas. Great monologue, as always. "Merci" to Stephen Colbert & the writers. 🇫🇷❤️🇺🇲

[@scottnunnemaker5209]

I wish, but the majority of people are more worried about their day to day issues than something overarching like climate change. It’s just easier for them to get their heads around smaller problems especially when there isn’t any real plan to fix climate change.

[@philster6383]

Hey Canadian here and have lived in the same area for 6 decades/ I have watched the climate change here No more ice fishing No more outdoor rinks and no more fun stuff in the snow. Heck we get rain now instead of snow

[@arloalps6215]

​@@scottnunnemaker5209scientists always try to not be called alarmist, but in 20 years daily survival of global warming will take precedent over taking care of climate change.

[@susanfrancis5471]

@@philster6383 I’m in California and at the most 1,500 ft up. It snowed last winter, and I loved it. First time I ever saw it snowing!

[@itwasagoodideaatthetime7980]

Massive Floods & Raging Fires - AKA just another day in Australia.

[@shermanculbertson6244]

Joe Biden summed up what Trump is perfectly.

[@SixSonn]

Joe Biden hasn't summed up anything in 4 years. The dude is a walking corpse.

[@guymontag2948]

He was describing himself. Just ask anyone in the middle east.

[@denisedey588]

​@@guymontag2948 bahahahahahaha...jackass

[@JohnnyDelco]

Corn pop was a bad dude?

[@ArthurDavis89]

Assholes always know each other.

[@talscorner3696]

"Tear down dese nuts" is probably the most childish thing I'll hear all day, but sometimes it's exactly what one needs xD

[@zenstoryshare]

Powerful and robust individuals consistently approach Trump with tears in their eyes due to his overpowering odor!

[@walterfristoe4643]

250 pounds here on Earth is only 94.5 pounds on Mercury. So Drumph isn't really fat, he's just on the wrong planet.

[@GenRN]

Let’s send him to Mercury!

[@TheBibleSkeptic]

I'll kick a few bucks to send him there!

[@DuckReach432]

Elon's rich. He owns a rocket company, too. Hmmm.@@TheBibleSkeptic

[@InnKogNeeto]

Best comment ever!😂😂😂

[@janw2405]

Your post actually made me burst out laughing! Thankyou from my heart. Really needed that. We are going through some pretty rough stuff in my home the last few months. Smile…you just never know when you can make a difference in someone’s life, even if it’s just for a few moments. Thankyou❤

[@leannevandekew1996]

Trump told his doctor,: ‘Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror, I want to throw up. What’s wrong with me?’ The doctor replied: "I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.

[@daviegriffin3539]

*GirrrLLL you still at it!!! 🤣 I love that joke.* 🤣 Cheers 🍻 from #CancúnMéxico 🍹😘🇲🇽

[@DouglasRichardson-er4ky]

💩🦨💩🦨💩🦨 he STANKY 💩🦨💩🦨💩🦨💩🦨

[@tr7b410]

Brilliant.

[@jamezkpal2361]

You should give credit for old jokes.

[@roxaskinghearts]

trump proves the brutal reality of politics people dont care their rich are body harvesting the poor in mexico right now o but that couldnt be my family what happens when the rich care so little for you they start showing it thru actions higher then they do now because even your judges are ignorant on reality florida wants to start body harvesting its people with no legal recourse and lets not forget people what trump represents we are safer then the rest of the world untill republicans get in and prove it dont let them win again or we lose the day america loses is the day russia dubai india wins did you realize that america show your teeth grow some d America dont unalive on us now the reason republicans hide in the woods is they think our government cant rein you in after their done body harvesting ours in short people are blaming biden for these illegal immigrants fix that now sheep bidens power is attacked by these body harvesting unAmeircan monsters

[@Digitokethreepointoh]

Thank you for another great monologue Stephen Colbert!

[@erratum1980]

The part where he said his wife handles the bills and will object to any purchases that would lessen quality time hits me so hard LOL

[@nancyjay790]

Sometimes when we were Christmas shopping, my husband said, "Don't leave me too long in the husband corral." I saw then a number of men sitting on benches or standing with piles of bags and such around them. I went around the shops for an hour and a half and took him home. Had to do on line for remainder of the holiday stuff.

[@chonqmonk]

Cool. I found that segment to be frightfully disingenuous and a little insulting, since $3500 wouldn't be noticed in the economy of Colberts.

[@USBAMCISMC]

​@chonqmonk one of key financial tenets of being wealthy is asset management. Not wasting money on junk is the primary difference between rich and wealthy. The Colberts are probably the later.

[@christianboehlefeld5168]

@@USBAMCISMCMagic Johnson told a story in his autobiography about going to Barcelona for the '92 Olympics. He said a lot of the owners just causually attended because wealthy. One of the owners offered to take the team out on his yacht for a day. On the day they got to the marina the yacht had a mechanical problem and they weren't able to take it out. The owner called another marina and had his other yacht brought over. That, Magic said, is when he learned the difference between wealthy and rich. Wealthy is having a back-up yacht.

[@christianboehlefeld5168]

@@chonqmonkHe didn't say she'd be upset over the cost, but at the implication that he would do anything to not spend time with her. Very different sentiment than whether or not they could eat the expense.

[@mmartinezPhysics]

Uncle Joe's candid moments! No more malarkey! 😂

[@sabinawoods5134]

Oh man the ‘circle the “a__hole” on the cognitive exam’ joke was awesome! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@adrianaheiler9794]

I was just really sad it wasn't followed by Stephen saying 'whale'

[@Seigensi]

in 2d he looks like someone tried to draw a human turtle, of a different species than the static one in the senate.

[@liamnehren1054]

That "The Witch's curse!" was very Colbert Report... I miss that.

[@evermoreart]

"Some people make the world a better place only by leaving it." That's a quote I loved reading on Twitter today. Perfect.

[@gus.smedstad]

Lunatic driving a cybertruck with the Apple Vision goggles is the intersection of two different kinds of cultist.

[@rcpmac]

You still fighting apple’s success? Look in a mirror to see the cultist

[@aninewforest]

@rcp What a waste of an education, churning out more consumer toys. This flooded, burning world needs our brightest minds to focus on real solutions.

[@Carewolf]

And caught on camera breaking the law, and demonstrating the Cybertruck is broken and allows it.

[@ukhawaja]

For $3500, I took my wife and son to Hawaii.

[@gus.smedstad]

@@rcpmac "I'm not in a cult, you're in a cult" isn't exactly a convincing rejoinder. I'm not fighting Apple, I'm pointing out the well-known phenomenon of cultists who can't bear any criticism of Apple and who are happy to pay much higher prices as long as it has the Apple logo.

[@playinglifeoneasy9226]

I like it when grandpa tells him to sit down and shut up and then he takes his job and then he takes his house. 😂

[@nrellis666]

Surely Gobbler's Knob is between Crinkly Bottom and Dangly End

[@alancham4]

We can’t take another drop of rain. The pool is overflowing.

[@CaliforniaBushman]

"Most likely to die on the toilet" 😂🤣😆🤣😆!!!

[@aninewforest]

If only some of those brilliant engineering graduates were using their talents to solve actual problems like climate change instead of creating more consumer gadgets we don't need.

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

💯

[@zotha]

That Elvis/Trump picture looked like an early storyboard for Two Face in The Dark Knight.

[@seantlewis376]

Here in Oregon, the Oregon Zoo celebrates Beaver Day on February 2nd, since groundhogs are not native to the Pacific Northwest. This year, the beaver did not see his shadow. 🙂

[@notsure1969]

*Puts on Apple Vision outside* "Whoa! It looks like that car is headed right toward me! Cool!"

[@gordoncrooks4262]

I don't like saying this, but if you are on a subway, in New York. With a $3500 headset on, and not paying attention to your surroundings. you will be a victim.

[@jennygInspired]

My immediate thought as well...... he's just asking to get followed, beat up, and robbed

[@sophiophile]

I'm guessing they have Apple ID lock, so they will be a very expensive paperweight if stolen

[@Martin-pb7ts]

Maybe there's an app for that?

[@MidnightSonnet]

My thoughts, too. It's a similar mindset here in SoCal. Don't bring expensive things onto the subway unless you want trouble, especially at night.

[@user-ij1nv8be3i]

Which stupid person spends $3500 on a headset ? Surely there are more satisfying ways to spend that amount of money and be more relaxed in the subway. You're not a victim. You are offending the people around you in the subway that are hardly surviving on a twelve hour a day lousy job.

[@elainearnoldy4834]

I couldn’t love Joe anymore. We need to appreciate having a decent man in the White House.

[@tytn9978]

Being an "individual of The Cloth" (retired), I would never use those exact same words that President Biden used to refer to that former President whose name escapes me ... but I concur with his assessment 100%!!!

[@johnprince3497]

Trump should use opera music at his rallies because he could hear mi mi mi mi mi mi all night long.

[@ThatOpalGuy]

Smelvis can't sing. Bing Bing Bing xi..at best

[@GPeterson-jw5sp]

It would have been hysterical had Taylor endorsed Joe Biden at the Grammys...

[@Washougalite1]

That would have been hilarious 😂

[@chonqmonk]

Isn't she saving that for the Superbowl? Who watches the Grammy awards? You want to have people watching...

[@ThatOpalGuy]

​@chonqmonk more correctly; not many maga watch the grammys. You know many will watch the superb owl.

[@azishappy2035]

​@@ThatOpalGuythe Superb Owl! Beautiful😅

[@Bigd0gg]

Hilarious Stephen you’re the best!

[@RippleRhythm1]

"MR. GORBACHEV... TEAR DOWN DEEZ NUTZ!!"... Coming up, Sen. Elizabeth Warren.... I love this show.

[@SonOfTamriel]

Well it was 70F in Saskatchewan at the end of January. That's probably weirder

[@saxoeeee]

Greetings from San Diego, where I realized I do not own a rain jacket or functioning umbrella prior to one of the worst rain and flooding we’ve seen in years

[@Flamenco1313]

From one San Diego native to another … my weenie umbrella didn’t help!

[@saxoeeee]

@@Flamenco1313 that was the other part for me too!! My broken umbrella is also small 🫠

[@MidnightSonnet]

😂 SoCal, where we're never ready for rain. I have an umbrella in my car that I rarely have to use. It collects dust, lol.

[@waryaawariiri1812]

You didn't bother getting one when you had these torrential rains two weeks ago?

[@user-ij1nv8be3i]

You need a loft !!! And a window in your roof and a dingy. Greetings from the Netherlands, where storms and flooding is part of our culture.

[@twist58]

Currently (2/6/24) braving this terrible California weather. I’m a local in the southern area with rain of 3 inches. Fortunately, despite the heavy downpour, I’m out of harm’s way where I live.

[@mammawlee]

If it's sunny, there's a shadow. Not sunny, no shadow

[@TehPwnerer]

Think of all the timers you could buy with 3500 bucks

[@adb888]

Using voice commands (Google Voice), I can set up multiple ones already lol

[@willjudy5623]

We live in Juneau AK, a temperate rainforest... We get atmospheric rivers all the time, but... you know.. we're a rainforest...

[@itookallthenames]

Juneau is awesome. How’s the glacier looking at the moment?

[@alaskangirl4502]

@@itookallthenames a lot less glacier-ish🫠 😢

[@DarksideDave42]

And occasionally a melting glacier .... 😮

[@itookallthenames]

@@alaskangirl4502 damn, I did see on the news a house falling into a river I think it was from Mendenhall Glacier melting?

[@user-ij1nv8be3i]

At an agreable temperature though. Makes all the difference.

[@Ghost-Mama]

Buying a second oven would still be cheaper than the goggles 😂

[@phthisis]

5:40 I bet (nearly) every news caster LOVED making this report. XD

[@professorsprout3382]

Thanks for mentioning CA but we live in Central and Northern CA too. I saw a eucalyptus tree take out a house today. They have very shallow roots. 6 people just in the Felton music community had trees slam into their houses including my teacher. A gentleman died yesterday from a group of trees falling on him. The grade in the Santa Cruz mountains is sudden and steep during the fires firefighters said this is the most dangerous terrain in the state. Now we have the trees falling in up to 100mph winds. 60-100mph. Thousands of trees down. Shout out to Santa Cruz and Big Sur who got pounded even worse. Also blessings to friends in So. Ca.as well its been like my apartment 2nd story is in a giant washing Machine. The rain flies side ways. Stop pissing off Mother Nature she is really hosing us.

[@brok341]

OMG😢hope you'll be ok

[@alicewood1665]

WOW! That's scary sending prayers your way.

[@blessingliberty-lr3nt]

OMG? My daughter is a teacher and lives in Felton in the mountains! I can't reach her. What was her first name. Did it start with a J?

[@DarksideDave42]

Mother Nature might be telling us that some of her most beautiful bits of "terrain" .... Should be left untouched .... unmolested ..... uninhabited ..... And if your home is wiped out in a flood .... DON'T REBUILD IN THE SAME DAM SPOT ...... !!! there was a catastrophic flash flood in Rapid City SD a few decades back ..... more than 200 people killed .... It was quickly decided that no one would rebuild on that flood zone ...

[@sagedakotalmft7763]

I was thinking he just didn't have a full grasp of the geography. Central coast gets it bad just about every year but this one is a doozy and hit so many places that don't even usually get hit so bad - like San Diego. It is so sad! Those poor people.

[@yurielcundangan9090]

Colbert ❤has a comedic vibe with intellect and eloquence

[@Neocaridina]

6:44 😂 bookmarking this.

[@harleyquinn5774]

SoCal are such softies when it comes to rain. 😂 Sincerely, A NorCal resident.

[@orion7763]

On Sunday we (near Ventura) got more than 10" in about 12 hours. Its the amount of rain in a short time that's the problem

[@nilo70]

Cheers From a very wet California 😊

[@Angry5704]

I'm in LA, and I don't know that I've ever seen it rain this much over here, so I'd say you nailed it, Stephen.

[@MothGirl007]

I grew up here and it used to rain a LOT in past decades until we went into that drought that lasted for over a decade. It's not that unusual, honestly.

[@knittylane3016]

Be well. I hope you don’t suffer any losses because of this.

[@MidnightSonnet]

We've had worse storms than this. The ones with heavy rain AND high winds are the worst because they cause way more damage.

[@sealyoness]

My sister is in the flood zone too. Hope you all don't float away!

[@MonkeyJedi99]

Hey, you're in California. Anyone building a boat measured in cubits yet?

[@RankinMsP]

So much for Tony! Toni! Toné!'s 'It never rains on southern California';

[@highnoon9333]

I can't stop laughing at "tear down deez nuts"

[@MacUser2-il2cx]

Crazy how California can go from wildfires to neverending rain

[@anzaca1]

It's the Australia of the Northern Hemisphere.

[@HOTD108_]

It's almost like ignoring global warming is yielding consequences.

[@Mr3121996]

tell me about it haha. we're either drowning or burning

[@MothGirl007]

The rain here currently isn't as big a deal as it's being made out to be - personally, i'm loving it. ❤🌧☔

[@jeromesullivan4015]

Oh my, never ending rain? You must be very young.

[@davidgoosen1633]

The vice president has the prettiest smile what a nice❤

[@lalah9481]

NorCal is soaked and wind torn, so thank you for the laugh break!!💖

[@larryd6143]

The only thing I need a timer for is soft boiled eggs and cornbread and actually I just look at a clock and make a mental note.

[@terimiller6814]

Digging up Elvis now would definitely highlight a similarity - the smell.

[@coyoteclockworkstudios3140]

"No you're NOT!" More people need to call Trump out like this XD.

[@user-ij1nv8be3i]

And the Magas. Go to their channels and bombard them with facts in the comments. Confuses them. Is fun !

[@MakeXRPGreatAgain]

I cannot believe this bias propaganda & manipulative undertones of sarcastic poor losers - how is this platform legal. this is garbage media - you cry babies are going to have to suck it up for the next 4 years & shut the hell up. - Merica!

[@7h3unkn0wn5]

When the rains are blessed down in Africa , everyone complains about the heat. When the rains are blessed down in California it's called atmospheric river and it calls for more legislation 😂

[@icreatedanaccountforthis1852]

Truer words never spoken

[@jeffmccloud905]

Trump: "They need to squeegee the streets to prevent these things."

[@Saje3D]

“Wet dry vacs. We keep a few at Mar-a-lago.”

[@jacquelineprince7802]

😂😂😂 made me laugh out loud- good one!!

[@sagedakotalmft7763]

LOL

[@juliewhittenburdick3459]

Oh, yes! The man is brilliant! thinks no one!

[@ElSantoLuchador]

The whole 'Sick F***' thing feels like a strategic leak.

[@casbot71]

Everyone isn't cheering Tay Tays music, they're cheering that she triggers MAGA's so much...

[@ATLGAMER47]

7:25 Great joke, great delivery!!