Trump Brags About His Cognitive Test | Judge Scolds Trump’s Lawyer | Sex Is A Gift From God

The former president wants you to know he aced a test meant for head trauma victims, his lawyer doesn’t appear qualified to defend him in a civil liability trial, and Stephen seeks guidance from a higher power after hearing what Pope Francis said about sexual pleasure.
#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

[@Opus313]

Excellent Donnie! Now try these words: Handcuffs, jumpsuit, prison, solitary confinement.

[@Who_amI57]

😂😂😂 Yes!!!!

[@notsure1969]

I think those words have too many syllables for him.

[@alicialeal4049]

I can’t stop laughing

[@ShakaTheLegend]

​@@alicialeal4049why you wanna stop it 😅😂😂

[@whitemike1221able]

Solitary?...lmao😅 yeah that jail. Others are waiting to see the fake gotti

[@VulpeRenard]

"The Republican presidential primary is off to the races." Are you sure it's not "off to the racists"?

[@MrBsbotto]

Nailed it, fox-man!

[@JoeNarbaiz]

Actually, it's "ON for the racists!". 😮😢

[@MMECorbett]

Good one!

[@laurelpeterson1307]

It just occurred to me that one of the questions asked to dementia patients for diagnosis is: Who is the president, and Trump has answered that wrong on several occasions.

[@r.d.whitaker5787]

Good point 😂

[@annedwyer797]

You're absolutely correct! People need to start talking that up abt Trump the "very stable genius". He's gotten who the president is/was wrong several times in recent months!! Trump displays his cognitive decline and personality disorder(s) on a daily basis. He and his minions have the nerve to accuse Biden of having cognitive decline?? Biden's been making the occasional malapropism for decades, so that's nothing new for him. Really, who among us hasn't occasionally mispoke?

[@UnashamedCaliforniagirl]

Like Hillary said he lives in his own special version of reality

[@jeffisaliar]

So did Biden. He said Bush a few times. If you can't see the current guy in there is a moron just, because he has a D next to his name, you're in a death cult.

[@hollyb6885]

If I was disruptive and disrespectful in court, I’d be in jail for contempt of court. WHY DON’T THEY DO THAT TO TRUMP!!?! The way trump is placed above the law is ridiculous!

[@XZITT]

One word CONold

[@michellelarocque7295]

I think that the judges don't want to give him any grounds at all to win an appeal. It still puts him above the law, but I'd like all of the cases to end with "guilty," with no further ado.

[@TheMangomelon789]

It’s the same reason trump had that exchange with the judge where the judge said something like “you’d love if I excluded you from the court room”. It would turn trump into even more of a martyr to those that support him and even to some of those that don’t but still think the trials against trump are politically motivated or who believe the office of president deserves greater leniency. It sucks because he should be held to the same standard as everyone else in the court room but realistically it’s not a good idea, unfortunately, because it could further undermine the eventual results of the trial and the results of the trial are paramount in a situation like this

[@djbennett900]

It's a civil case. No jails.

[@galebrow246]

Money talks

[@SpaceForceCommander]

“Beauty fades, dumb is forever.” Habba can’t fake being smart as she claims. Every time she tried, it was very unsuccessful.

[@lyrachle]

I guess we're supposed to ignore the hair and makeup professionals creating her look...

[@gingerredshoes]

She looks like a younger version of his current wife.

[@slavojalois1639]

The future former wife!@@gingerredshoes

[@KominTater]

LOL! Monsieur Colbert drove home that point like a poison dart!

[@Between_Scylla_and_Kharybdis]

The person that bankrupted his own casinos and failed to sell steaks in the freaking US, of all places, is making fun of others business sense? Yeah, ok…

[@alcrow1458]

Don't forget the fake University which cost him a lot of money.

[@BakingBadOBX]

like, how do you bankrupt a casino? If you have enough money to open up, its like a business that prints money.

[@richardvazquez3637]

IIRC the orange turd used sums of investor $$$$ to finance his casinos, then raked the cash out of the casinos over time until the bankruptcy. Then did it again & again! He played the con game time & again. I knew an old timer from Manhattan whose ex-wife mortgaged her house in order to invest in Trump AC, and proceeded to lose even after the old timer advised her against investing.

[@charlesking5328]

If it wasn't for Trump University winning every NCAA natty in every sport for 5 straight years, the university itself would've been a failure too ! 😅😂😁

[@caandbak9084]

Harry Dunn, former US Capitol Police Officer, running for US Congressional seat in Maryland. Let’s try to support him as much as we can.

[@marydunbar57]

Go Harry!

[@donivanpotter2762]

Every time he has poll numbers get better because people that are supportive of him they're just like him. I just never realized there were that many evil and blind people in this country.

[@Earthneedsado-over177]

Just keep in mind that the polls are counting people that answer their landline or pick up a call on their cell phone without knowing who it is. And it depends on the questions they ask too, like " who would you vote for, Donald Trump or a bag of cat turds?" Personally, I would vote for the cat turds.

[@Lauriej117]

I’ve known for a long time America has a huge number of ignorant, immoral and hateful people. Electing Trump was the final proof. Just disgusting.🤨🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦

[@ernesthill4017]

Believe it 😢

[@harbourheightsja2383]

You all need to stop worrying about poll numbers. Just go out and vote

[@user-yy4jo9pk2b]

And to think how Trump cult sends him money and buys his ridiculous memorabilia while he brags of being a billionaire. 🙄 There’s no word for this level of stupidity. 💸

[@tinat.4508]

Just imagine that some people prefer a failed business man, a draft dodging coward, a tv reality figure, a 4 times indicted 91 charged felon.. instead of a man with more than 50y as a civil servant, commended for his diplomacy skills and work across the aisle, a man who shows decency, humility, care and respect!

[@bob-zi1eb]

Have you seen his but? Goddamn.

[@rachelmann7488]

You forgot rapist.

[@lindaaphillippi7015]

Also, found accountable for rape.

[@RidingWithBiden]

Normal people don't support Trump!

[@mlbrooks4066]

Also six bankruptcies.

[@aliquot8404]

Alina "I Can Fake Being Smart" Habba also thinks she can fake being a lawyer. She fails on both counts.

[@Insaneinthebrain3185]

😂😂😂😂 yup

[@2nd2nun702]

If Alina thinks you can actually fake being smart she should try to show trump how to do that.

[@solvseus]

Alina: can we take the day off so my client can not go to his mother-in-laws funeral? Judge: he doesn't have to be here. The trial can continue without him. I'd actually prefer it because he keeps interruptin... Alina: can I introduce new evidence right now, if I can find it? Judge: that's... not how that works. That's not how anything works! Alina: how dare you talk to me this way... uh... what was your name again?

[@willdejong7763]

Stupid people can't understand how dumb they look to people who are smarter than they are.

[@user-fu5ok8oi2k]

She is a nothing burger …not a real lawyer

[@alexanderstaiger4546]

Colbert and the writers were on point with this episode; hilarious!

[@sharon2434]

Trump is at the age where instead of bragging about the size of his tool he now brags about what level of the cognitive test he can get to.

[@AsmodeusMictian]

Person, woman, man, camera, TV.

[@jacekpaszkowski2000]

Where was it that smelly trump pointed at his own head and said "the cognitive?" I remember seeing this and Colbert imitates smelly trump but I want to find the video where the mandarin Mussolini does it.

[@stevecraighead4816]

So what’s your opinion on Biden and his cognitive ability?

[@jacekpaszkowski2000]

@@stevecraighead4816 He's given several speeches within the lsat two weeks at Valley Forge, Mother Emanuel Church, various news journalist reports all with no issues. Biden used to have a stuttering problem and he overcame it. He still stutters sometimes. In Concord New Hampshire smelly trump confused Nikki Haley and Nancy Pelosi. It's all over the news. He's confused Biden and Obama nearly a dozen times that we know of, he's said Biden is leading us into World War 2, that Republicans eat their young, that we need ID to buy bread, that if you pour a glass of water on a magnet, that's the end of the magnets. Actually Jimmy Kimmel did an experiment with the magnets. You should watch it, it's here on KZbin. Let's also not forget trump said people should intravenously administer disinfectant to cure Covid. Also that cognitive test he says he took, it was created by a neurologist from Montreal. The Washington Post wrote a story yesterday and it details how what trump said was on the exam is not really on it. The article said how nobody is asked to identify all animals. Everything trump says is a lie. In his four years in office it's been documented he told over 30,000 lies or misleading statements. Have you ever heard smelly trump tell his "sir" story? He even said his wife called him "sir" when he was attending one of his traveling circus events he calls rallies. I'm really sure melania called smelly trump "sir." She doesn't sleep with him in the same bed and would not sit with him in the same car after her mother's funeral, but sure she calls him "sir." I can forward you all the video clips of trump saying all this crazy stuff on a different platform.

[@AsmodeusMictian]

@@stevecraighead4816 I mean personally I think it's a good idea to stop electing decrepit ancient and wealthy white men to lead our "melting pot" of a nation. Seems like I'm very much in the minority though, sadly. We very much love the chaos, death, and destruction.

[@cowtownokla]

How many jobs in the U.S. would consider a person found guilty of sexual abuse for employment?

[@MacUser2-il2cx]

Now THAT would make for a good episode of Family Feud!

[@DS-tv2fi]

HOPEFULLY none of them. Sadly, politicians exist.

[@solderbuff]

I'm fine if he works at Wendy's. But he is clearly NOT fit for office. Any office.

[@ricardocabeza6006]

He was not found guilty... He was found liable. Clearly you don't understand the difference between civil and criminal court.

[@MacUser2-il2cx]

@@solderbuff At least he knows fast food. But he'd probably keep eating it before it reached the customer. lol Or worse, what if he doesn't wash his hands?! GROSS!!!

[@camelsheit_on_the_walls446]

How the _heck_ is it even possible for some people to look at/listen to trump, and think: "he is a really intelligent, caring, competent and ethical man, he will do SO much good for us the people and the country; I want him as president!" *-?!?!* Or is it that these people aren't looking for those qualities...

[@droo4236]

Most likely, because they see Trump in themselves.

[@joeblankenship377]

Like how do you keep thinking "this guy's smart" when he's constantly bringing up a basic cognitive skills test like it was the SAT?

[@sean78745]

They see someone that doesn't use big words and convince themselves that Trump is just like them. They also believe he's not part of the "system" or whatever. Also I would be willing to bet there's a strong correlation between Trump voters and mental illness

[@toadjiang7626]

To be fair, Trump is a genius when compared to his supporters.

[@dmercury292]

@@toadjiang7626🎯🎯🎯

[@TheOneLiliad]

When asked about his IQ, Stephen Hawking replied, "I have no idea. People who brag about their IQ are losers."

[@sandraavila3970]

Everyday Trump walks around free for crimes that would’ve locked up any other individual is a slap to the face to America and the world as a whole

[@Bruv234]

Agreed. But you forgot to list Bill Clinton, George Bush , Barrack Obama, and Joe Biden. Add in Pelosi, Hillary , Lindsay Grahm and Mitch McConnell and we are cooking…. If you are deranged and think only orange man bad, you are a blithering idiot.

[@scarlettjoehandsome6130]

The insult has gone on long enough. Vote Blue, through and through ! 💙💙💙

[@Bruv234]

@@scarlettjoehandsome6130 🤣🤣🤣. Good one

[@TiggerToo27]

True, any single one of us would be cooling our heels in the local hoosegow if we'd committed even a of the crimes Trump has been accused of. It's shameful that this creep is facing 91 felony counts in four different jurisdictions, yet he walks free to run a campaign based on lies, grievance and revenge. (Just as he always has.) So much for everyone being equal under the law. This monster just needs to away.

[@underdawg2743]

Really? The ones fabricated by the Democrats? What about the real ones committed by Biden?...

[@gamepapa1211]

So Presidents are allowed to send Seal Team Six to eliminate their political opponents? Great! Have Joe send a team down to Mar-a-Lago and get this over with!

[@juliapriest8331]

Rules for me, not for thee!

[@Angry5704]

Send one of them with a stapler to first shut his mouth forever.

[@thomthom6268]

Imagine, tfg not thinking a plan fully through...

[@margaretjiantonio939]

I'll drink to that.

[@willdejong7763]

Biden's got a full year, until Jan 19, 2025, to let the courts settle this out.

[@Nymeria0]

I don’t think he knows that Cognitive test is not an IQ test. 😅😅😅

[@pdxcorgidad]

And has nobody told him? Seriously. Because he continues to speak about it as if it was some sort of superhuman feat.

[@JoeNarbaiz]

That is WHY he AGREED to take it. He thought it would PROVE that he was SMART.

[@wlofthouse]

I thought the cognitive test was: Woman, TV, Couch, Beer. I'm so confused....

[@epsech]

Your writers were on fire this monologue. I usually laugh but this one had me in stitches. Great work as always

[@KominTater]

Truly a noticeable step above the normal semi-manaical tone. Please, Sir, can we have some more?

[@patrickwalsh279]

Top 10 monologue! Absolutely brilliant!

[@martinbroduer1976]

Knowing that Habba has a law license doesn’t make me feel any better about the judicial system!

[@gardenofsn5955]

It makes me think I could easily become a lawyer with the right looks and/or connections

[@UnexpectedDanger]

Makes you wonder who she had to blow to get it

[@wolfpacrule]

she cheated and slept with the FL BAR administrator, no way she could pass it

[@roberthaworth8991]

Her main practice has always been defending parking lot owners against suits by customers who experienced damage or theft while using the lots. True story.

[@gchukma]

Yesterdays headline asked "Why did Trump choose Habba ". The only thing I could think of is she has nice boobs. Or he plans to claim incompatent representation and get an appeals court to toss the guilty verdict.

[@phillipzx3754]

Joe Biden bankruptcies....ZERO Donald Trump bankruptcies.... 6 and counting. Without a doubt, I know which of the two I'd trust more to rum my store.

[@sprig5173]

Trump is unable to run a charity in NY because he & his crooked kids stole from a children's cancer charity.

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

Biden was always a doofus. All that time in the senate and his greatest legacy was the unconstitutional "Biden rule". You wouldn't trust either of those to run your store

[@sandraandrews9907]

Not only can Biden RUN my store, but he can actually run. 😂

[@eddapultstab2078]

Ohhhhhhh, Trump has more than six bankruptcies. I mean tanked so many other companies, sometimes just by looking at it funny.

[@markstevenson6635]

Does 6 include moral bankruptcy?

[@MrMrlosteruk]

From UK, I watch colbert, Meyers and Kimmel. I always find this one the best because I think his writers give him great lines, and his delivery is always spot on. The purge line at 8:38 is perfect. 😂

[@GeekGamer666]

I love when you can even see the band cracking up.

[@Diana_L.]

Trump passed a test that's meant to determine whether a patient can be trusted to go to the bathroom by himself.

[@merlinoddog2197]

He must have cheated. Cause the diapers he wears tell a different story.

[@Paul512]

And he can't hence DiaperDon

[@marylhere]

Fooled you….Depends.

[@jackee1054]

And clearly, he can't, as evidenced by the picture of him with a toilet paper trail hanging off his shoe as he was boarding AF1.

[@wendigo53]

I guess he hasn't done THAT test in a while.

[@Bernard-lw7qd]

Trump says he is the only one that can save us while also saying he is a victim. This is the Trump paradox his followers fall for

[@ricardocabeza6006]

Democrat voters say we need to save democracy by subverting it. This is one of many paradoxes that exist on the left side of American politics.

[@pipedown1246]

Trump said he will hire only the best people and we see how that worked out,now he's hire his lawyers because they are pretty not smart.🤦🏽‍♂️

[@davebartosh5]

"It's very sad" - DJT 😉😅

[@sprig5173]

He's a snow-ciopath. A cross between a snowflake & a sociopath.

[@AndrewJohnson-oy8oj]

It is textbook behavior of a narcissist. They are always the beleaguered victim and the superhuman hero at the same time.

[@scarlettjoehandsome6130]

It's Great to hear Trump come out and own being a Him/Her.

[@jeremiahjohnson7515]

IT'S DEFINITELY WORTH THE REWARD! KEEP DOING IT WRITERS!

[@chrissy1088]

I still find it utterly ridiculous that someone who brags about passing a cognitive test that's designed to testif a senior is going senile/ has dementia, can run for President

[@gentleken7864]

Let alone he talks about it again and again and again.....since 2020. If that isn't the best definition of senility, I don't know what is. People repeating the same thing to prove nothing, again and again.

[@___beyondhorizon4664]

We have so many talents in this large country, but we can only choose 2 old men. Meanwhile, French just announced the youngest PM, age 36 last week.

[@michaelmccarthy3139]

Still waiting for the cognitive test results for the current president…

[@kathybyerly7904]

Ronnie his Dr is lieing about his health. We all have health problems. Dr Ronnie is lieing weight his mentality and just everything.

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

Well, he's ancient and seile...as is the other candidate. Slow hand clsp...well done USA

[@notaspy3751]

"I know words, I have the very best words" -Actual quote from Trump

[@kwible3682]

You can have Biden bro

[@agiraffe3673]

@@kwible3682yes please, we would like Biden, glad you agree

[@ianthesoccerref]

"Yesterday. That's a very hard word for me."

[@ianthesoccerref]

​@@kwible3682 Thank you. We do 👍👍

[@johannesnicolaas]

Suddenly I feel the need to vomit passionately.

[@wesleydarling968]

Oh my goodness Stephen, that was one of your funniest shows since 2022, I love you all the time, this was just so on-point and well delivered.

[@mellocello187]

Trump eats all the candy then declares bankruptcy and sues the candy store owner for saying he ate the candy.

[@arthurjeremypearson]

Hiring incompetent lawyers is a tactic where you're trying to get the trial thrown out of court because of incompetence. He shouldn't be rewarded for hiring incompetent lawyers

[@jeffheyer7783]

That’s not at all how that works……

[@arthurjeremypearson]

Maybe, but it's an idea his followers would praise him for exploiting, shirking the unjust judges and lawyers against him, in their shared persecution complex.@@jeffheyer7783

[@roberthaworth8991]

OTC, I suspect Trump does plan to throw his own lawyers under the bus as a basis for appealing the forthcoming massive money judgment in his NY civil fraud case. His main defense has become, “I relied on the advice of my attorneys”, so…

[@jstnxprsn]

Somebody should mention to Sippy Cup Caligula that for over 240 years, no president required absolute immunity and did jst fine without it.

[@markstevenson6635]

Richard Nixon received a pardon. Nixon said "if the President does it, it's not illegal". These events are within living memory of many Americans. And Nixon's most famous line? "I am not a crook."

[@cynthiariordan1046]

​@@markstevenson6635However, he did see the handwriting on the wall, and got the Hell out of there. That's something.

[@ashlinday4469]

@@markstevenson6635 but to receive a pardon is an admission that you can be (or have been) found guilty by the courts

[@slavojalois1639]

Of course, Dicky would say that it was his arse receiving the pardon!@@markstevenson6635

[@jstnxprsn]

@@markstevenson6635 If presidents have absolute immunity, Nixon wouldn't have needed or accepted a pardon.

[@ChristineBrown-ds7dt]

Oh no now I can't stop crying with laughter. The neck image is even funnier than the Clown face😂😂

[@saeklin]

I would love for all government election candidates to have to take the SAT or some other qualifying test live on stage. Hell, I'd settle for "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?" The current system has let idiots like Trump pass through unnoticed, and that's unacceptable.

[@TF2CrunchyFrog]

Presidential candidates should've had to pass a SAT test, instead there should be a test on 1. ethics, 2. basics of the government system, history, geopolitics and similar. Once upon a time, reputation still counted for something. Regardless of if someone was actually convicted of fraud and crimes (which many rich people aren't, they just settle out of court), if _everyone knows_ a candidate has been a narcissist, habitual liar, sociopath, conman their whole life that perosn should be unfit for any office.

[@toadjiang7626]

"You know how you spell us right? You spell us U-S. I just picked that up. Has anyone ever thought of that? I just picked that up. A couple of days I’m reading and it said us. And I said, you know, if you think about it, us equals U-S." - Donald J Trump, the J stands for genius

[@nickrhook4809]

Of course, when Bernie Sanders's campaign slogan was "Not Me, US" the same shitheads thought that was cringe

[@macareuxmoine]

Of course! Because there’s also US in GENIUS!!!! 😮😮😮

[@silencedogood7297]

The Five Cognitive Tests (The 5-Cog) was developed as a screening instrument to detect cognitive decline among older adults. The 5-Cog is a group assessment tool for cognitive functions, which consists of five subtests (attention, memory, visuospatial, language, and reasoning). The MMSE Mini-Mental State Exam is often administered to diagnose Alzheimer's and takes about 10 minutes. the Montreal Cognitive Assessment MoCA is also used. Since he is making claims that he "aced" mental acuity tests, and proves he is up to the job, I dare him to show us his score. Or, like his taxes he promised to show, are the results under audit ?

[@eddapultstab2078]

Oh, all those things are "under audit" haven't you heard?

[@JoeNarbaiz]

If he won't disclose his school transcripts, what makes you think he is going to reveal his cognitive test score? 😮😢

[@veronicastewart1112]

Are you saying that he could be lying about acing it? Shocker.

[@dielaughing73]

PERSON WOMAN MAN CAMERA TV

[@meh8982]

The fact that they gave it to him in the first place doesn't suggest a high confidence in his intellectual state.

[@sylvialawrence4431]

Thank you, Stephen, for keeping me sane!! How many more years?!? Isn't it just pathetic!! A junior high student council president would be better than Orange King Con.

[@leer.2137]

Of course that cognitive text was legit. It was given to him from his personal physician; who also weighs him

[@travishimebaugh8381]

I wouldn't trust Donald Trump to babysit my kids for an afternoon Seriously, keep him away from my kids

[@Tilion462]

I wouldn't trust him to be in proximity to anyone I know for more than Planck Time.

[@mfcabrini]

Especially if you have girls.

[@sammcturk8898]

I wouldn't let him mind my goldfish for an hour

[@cdmancoi]

😊❤😅​@@Tilion462

[@JohnnyDelco]

But you'd have no problem with Biden around your kids? Never mind make that any small child 😣

[@jeffs6090]

He should have made a quick joke about sending that dictionary to Florida since they're banning them.

[@chauncieextreme8514]

i’ll never forget that test….he was all like ‘person camera man woman tv’ & i was all like, ‘ohhh, in your face grandma!’ she was in the hospital w dementia, couldn’t pass that test for shit

[@lynnevanvorce7727]

Well if he can’t understand how many crimes he’s committed then he has no cognitive capacity at all.

[@notsure1969]

Hey Trump. Here are five more words that you can remember: "You are going to prison."

[@kathiwilson1169]

Love it!😊

[@ricardocabeza6006]

When was the jury conviction for the criminal trials that have not occurred yet?

[@MadHax-wt5tl]

You're wasting your time with that comment. tRump can't read.

[@bettyjones113]

Conviction was on T reality tv show

[@YourTripleScorpio]

Name means Dick Head?​@@ricardocabeza6006

[@charleneandrle-olson3099]

My husband passed away in 2015 after a long, slow decline with dementia. His doctor would give him that little and quick cognitive test, that the former president keeps saying is an IQ test, as part of his annual exam. It would be good for the medical field to correct and call T. out, that it is not an IQ test to see how smart you are. When you are over a certain age, your doctor includes that little test in your annual exam.

[@Jakob_DK]

The claim Biden has dementia so in some ways it may make sense. Problem is trump did not understand the test result.

[@appylee9942]

Yes. Plus, the fact that Trump brags about passing the test makes his cognitive abilities appear to be even lower.

[@claybabin]

When doctors ask my clients the questions like "do you know where we are" and "what year is it", I like to toss in the question they DON'T ask anymore, "and who is the President"? Usually get a snort from the doc and some side eye from the client.

[@avianna7738]

If that is an IQ test then my genius must be off the charts ‘cause not only can I identify an elephant, I can also identify an idiot.

[@captain2212]

HEY DIPSHIIT, CAN YOU IMAGINE JOE BIDEN TAKI8NG A TEST????

[@TheDizzt]

I worked for a company that shared a contract with trump and they fired him because he was tanking the business. He's a terrible businessman. He sells himself as a rich business man.. that's his business. Selling his name. But when people write that check and send it off hoping for results, a year later they realize what the product was.. just his name.

[@mariahlehman9777]

Them: “Let’s shut these folks up and just give him a “cognitive test”. Trump outing himself uncontrollably: “They showed me four pictures and asked which ones was a whale.”

[@winniwatson711]

I am a South African, but I am following the presidential race. Trump and his cognitive test: It really goes beyond my comprehension that 1) he would say such a thing, 2) that his base accepts such shallow comments as acceptable in a presidential race

[@markstevenson6635]

They worship the ground he oozes along.

[@patlynch6517]

Trump is Orange Jesus to his followers. And yes, it’s baffling and terrifying that anyone would listen to him. Hello to SA!

[@cathyleatherman3097]

And oh does he ooze … he is so slimy

[@heathercorley4538]

I hope you know that NOT ALL Americans support, or even like Trump. Some of us still have common sense, dignity, and cognitive functions.

[@peforster6725]

Canadian here. We live right beside Michigan, & my husband, dual citizen, has worked there for over 12 years. Our 2 sons, 28 & 25, & too many more Canadians want trump back in. As a women, when I see other women supporting him, it makes me sick! The only thing I can come up with is that there is a portion of people who welcome his gutter talk, chaos & call to violence. Anyone who says they're a Christian & supports him are deplorable!

[@laughingowl7896]

"You'd trust Trump." No I wouldn't. With Biden I know my little candy store wouldn't go bankrupt. And I wouldn't be on the hook for $25 million because of "Little Candy Store University".

[@victoriabaker4400]

WTF with the "candy store" shyte? That's so f'ing "pedo" as they say. Every trump accusation is a confession.

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

But he'd die of tooth decat

[@Paul512]

Bankrupted a casino lol.. Free money and he messed it up.

[@charityquill4965]

​@@lenawagenfuehr53true, ol Joe does like his sweets lol.

[@stevenwilkinson2031]

Benedict Donald duck.

[@peterdobos1606]

The best thing ever was Trump trying to brag about his expansive vocabulary, and not being able to dredge up the word "vocabulary". #allthebestwords #reallygreatwords

[@AndyAcker]

"As an omniscient being, I like to watch!" Top-tier god humor there at the end.

[@tubruton]

Did Trump's cognitive test include the way to destroy a magnet is to pour water on it?

[@DS-tv2fi]

Hilariously, Trump didn’t say pour. He said (and this is paraphrased) you drop a glass of water on a magnet to break it.

[@reborntobewild]

All the magnet fishermen were gutted to learn that fact 😂

[@israelcm7246]

😂 😅 😂

[@mypillowguy445]

Trump: I aced the cognitive test. Trump when he saw a picture of E. Jean Carroll: That's my wife.

[@victoriabaker4400]

Exactly. It really chaps me that trump has ever been given the time of day by the media. He's a total IDIOTA!!!

[@Nosregni]

At least he didn’t think the whale was his wife!

[@stephanielight4161]

🏆 BEST COMMENT 🏆 "I wouldn’t trust Trump to be left in the same room for 5 minutes with my dog. Same goes for my country. 🇺🇸"

[@heinleinreader]

Well, we could always lie to him and say he won and give him a few toys to play with. Tell him they changed the residence to this facility with all the doctors and the thorazine drips and everything.

[@CiscoB80]

I always laugh cause right before Stephen does his trump impressions he always unbuttons his suit😂😂😂

[@solderbuff]

Such a minor detail, but speaks a ton about who Trump is.

[@matthewellenberger1905]

Of course he unbuttons his jacket when he does a Drumph imitation. He has to look slovenly and unkempt.

[@lauried702]

It's totally hilarious

[@corynspiers6249]

'Full of pieces of my own Reece's...'

[@waryaawariiri1812]

How long did he refuse to do that impression after that infamous day in Jan., 2021. For almost three years he refused to that and plus say his name aloud. I mised T****.

[@andreasl.1397]

He's like a first grade kid... : "Look, Mama, look, I know which one's the whale... look!" 😂

[@AmandaLeeHarrington]

Even 1st graders know what a whale is.

[@jeancameron9474]

That's very funny.😂😂

[@danielrobledo3132]

Very, very funny😂

[@scottmacdonald3438]

She is a horrible lawyer, but it's hard to represent a person who is so guilty of so much crime.

[@annedwyer797]

I almost choked on my dinner during the "God" segment: Fantasy Football and "of course, why do you think so many people yell my name..." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@mick7even]

What is amazing is that someone who is so against the government is getting transported around and protected by the government through tax payer money. The grift is grifting

[@Slidemonger]

Re: The grift is grifting, this from Forbes: headline, 'Former President Donald Trump announced Tuesday he is releasing a second round of superhero-style digital trading cards with cartoonish images of him at $99 apiece, as the 2024 GOP candidate looks to keep raising money and rally his base after his historic indictment earlier this month.'

[@ileneplantone3817]

Yes it is and I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR IT DAMN IT

[@rachelnelson1942]

😅

[@Terastas]

4:50: He defamed her, so then we got "Carroll v. Trump 2: Judgement Duh". And now he's defaming her AGAIN during CvT2, which means we're going to get "Carroll v. Trump 3: Parabelldumb".

[@vickiedixon9745]

Melania has to be repulsed by Trump.

[@sherrieandherbreynolds5882]

Did he ask if her "dead mother voted before she died"

[@bernardwalden6884]

Love, love, love it. Baby Ruth 😂 👏🏻🤘🏻 yes writers keep it going ... It's great 👍🏻 ❤️

[@SDU2023]

I enjoyed it when Stephen refused to speak his name.

[@annelynn8708]

Me too.

[@solderbuff]

Producers must have overrode him on this one.

[@gasparinha]

I assumed it had something to do with Twitter going down the toilet, since they were getting such great name suggestions there.

[@NiechoBGC]

I preferred it when Stephen didn't say Trump's name

[@melbajackson1637]

I hope more media people refuse to say his name. Call him 45, the former ir make up your own. I know other public figures that are doing this. MAKE HIM IRRELEVANT.

[@cynthiamoore7056]

They ARE back! Thank you, writers/performers. My mental health applauds all of you.

[@sunilpermaul7876]

The Trump legal team keeps trying to spin it that the Judge is against him for political reasons....however, he's literally teaching them how court proceedings are supposed to be done.

[@oliviaclutterbuck5488]

That Pope Benedict impersonation was hilarious.

[@christophermarshall527]

I don't think Trump could even do one 'Where's Waldo Picture' without 6 lawyers and someone to sit on.

[@mmattson8947]

"I found the whale." "There is no whale there. You were supposed to find Waldo."

[@yurielcundangan9090]

Whenever trump wants more air-time they should televise all of his Trials

[@aquelpibe]

In fact he would love that. 😢😢

[@PhoenixProdLLC]

A See and Say! 😂😂😂

[@Rhea1381]

My goodness. Stephen's impression of Pope Benedict is the funniest impression I think I've ever seen. Glorious.

[@poopiemcpoopnfart2303]

This monologue has to be one of your greatest ever Mr. Colbert. 🏆

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Put Trump in a small room with a screen showing his trial. He’ll lose interest and leave when he can’t perform in front of the jurors.

[@eliassalcedo5229]

It's performance 😩🎻 and grift 🧺.

[@benhulme2863]

The judges look ridiculous in those bargain bin wigs they enforce upon themselves.

[@Prowlerook]

🤣😂😂

[@ConnieWojahn]

That was my suggestion. Should be communication allowed only with his attorneys.

[@TheUluxian]

The Judge Dorow/ Darrell Brooks maneuver.. If you can't control yourself in the courtroom, we'll move you to another where it's just you, the bailiffs, and a monitor

[@vistazo9]

Thanks Steven you just keep getting funnier ... cheers 🍻

[@112doc]

A third grader can pass a Montreal Cognitive Assessment. It’s meant to diagnose profound dementia, not psychopathology.

[@jeremygregorio7472]

Trump couldn't sell alcohol and steak to Americans. I wouldn't trust him with a lemonade stand

[@Slowhand871]

and gambling! He is a terrible businessman.

[@grmpEqweer]

He bankrupted a casino!

[@iainthompson502]

@@grmpEqweerwhich could be looked upon as a license to print money!

[@grmpEqweer]

@@iainthompson502 Launder money. The Trump Taj Mahal was fined $10 million dollars, in 2015, by FINCEN, the gov agency tasked with stopping money laundering. Taj Mahal was blatantly and repeatedly violating the money laundering prevention rules.

[@kingjamos2422]

@@grmpEqweer "Trump bankrupted four casinos. Do you know how casinos work? First you walk into the casino, give them all of your money, then you walk out of the casino. He somehow found the glitch in that." -Christopher Titus

[@stutzbearcat5624]

This is one of thee most HYSTERICAL MONOLOGUES IN THE HISTORY OF LATE NIGHT! NO - REALLY!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[@mage1439]

If you think a cognitive test is "not that easy" then shouldn't that be an automatic fail on the cognitive test?

[@mellocello187]

Great point!

[@Yppengasse28]

Only Donald Trump would swear allegience to the U.S. Constitution while simultaniously saying the Presidency requires him to tear down the Constitution in order to do the job as President. What a load of shit.

[@karenquehl6869]

Stephen I truly appreciate your monologues. I am watching from Canada. it is truly astounding how ignorant, among other things, Trump is.. I can not vote in the US but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE vot this monster out!!! Democracy is on the line!!!!

[@kirkdandie]

Ditto from across the waves. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@LaDemocrazia]

Ditto. 🇳🇱

[@MrSnoozo]

Ditto⛳

[@nannerz1994]

Help us

[@Temporal_Assassin]

You forgot that Trump's account was actively defaming her WHILE he was in the courtroom FOR THAT CASE!

[@nicholasschoonbeck6866]

The show should have included the part just before that, where he said everyone was afraid of his genius, & then had to switch to calling him stupid.

[@tommyt1971]

Hey Stephen, liked your impression of Werner Herzog- uh, I mean, Pope Benedict!

[@louneissen1603]

Trump says Biden can't run a candy store while he himself is about to lose his business licence in New York 🤣

[@LaDemocrazia]

👍 And all of 🎃's golf clubs in Europe have been in the red for years, one of his three in Scotland had to file bankruptcy recently. 😄

[@DuchessofEarlGrey]

And he's filed for bankruptcy...six times?

[@slavojalois1639]

He sent his Casino broke, Casinos always win!

[@beanetricemcdaniel6853]

Trump can’t run a business he went bankrupt several times. 😂😂 Biden has not

[@MonkeyJedi99]

Now I have an uncontrollable urge to open a candy store in NYC and fold in the President as a 2% owner. - Well, uncontrollable until I remember that I watch Louis Rossmann, and he has shown, over and over, how toxic that city is for small business owners.

[@Mr._B76]

These monologs are spot on, wonderful way to wind down for the day when Stephen continues to wind up on his jokes. 😂😂😂😂

[@michelehemlokhexwhite4310]

Trump also said presidential immunity is the most important concern of voters in this election. And... there is no whale in the cognitive test. But if there was, it would be just to the left of the windmill.

[@debbievalentine6810]

Don jr flat out admitted to signing things he claimed not to have read, usually a judge would immediately say that makes you culpable! Im sick of rich people just walking away

[@1SaG]

You know when you kinda wake up from a nightmare, thinking you're awake and that it's over ... but then it turns out you're not *truly* awake and still having a bad dream? That's what this whole DT-thing post 2020 feels like to me. I thought the nightmare was over, but ... nope.

[@annakingry9157]

Even a great President with a yard long list of accomplishments (Biden) can't get the media's attention.

[@leonchee]

That was the best one yet or ever, calling trump out and the insane things people are doing. Thank you Colbert and the writers, you nailed everything that’s going on right now and you made it hilarious, I love it! 😂❤

[@user-in4qe2yc2y]

Alina Habba openly admitted ‘she didn’t know how to try the case’ ~ yet she said she could fake it!!! Is she representing Trump on a voluntary basis?

[@Seigensi]

He's spent 2 years in a row getting sued for sex crimes at this point.

[@NeptuneTart]

It sounds like Trump's bragging about something similar to the test my Dad gives old folks for dementia. One of the questions is 'draw a clock face'.

[@NeptuneTart]

Update: Asked my Dad. It's called a MoCA test, and the third question is "Can you name these animals?" with pictures of a lion, a rhino, and a camel. Maybe Trump's doctor is fancy and has a bespoke version of the MoCA with a whale, or maybe Trump thinks camels are whales. Both equally valid options, really.

[@meh8982]

Yep, that's the one. (eyeroll)

[@lwhitaker4054]

Frankly....listening to Mr. Trump....is a test of anyone's cognizant abilities.

[@SeerWS]

*cogsniziousness

[@RendaJane]

Stupid is painful to watch. It’s just sad when the Dunning-Kruger effect comes out loud and proud. Hababa and Von SchitzNpants are great examples.

[@Slidemonger]

"person.... woman... man... camera.... ...TV."

[@heathercorley4538]

And patience.

[@annefitz7346]

Listening to drump will decrease your intelligence

[@AdrianGell]

He likes to brag about "man woman person camera TV" but example tests are available online and one of the first I looked at has a question "name 5 things that are NOT related to each other" and I immediately knew that was what his answer was to. I still crack up every time I hear him still stuck on that.

[@frederickmeens4586]

The Gave Trump the Grade 1 version of the cognitive test. Anything beyond that he would have failed.

[@Sandi-ke9mi]

I’m so glad you showed that picture of trump’s neck. I was watching him after he came out of the courtroom, one day yelling at everybody and that thing on his neck opens and closes when he talks. I couldn’t stop watching it, so gross. 🤢🤦🏼‍♀️

[@NewMessage]

Can';t wait for Haba to complain on FOX.. in about a year... that she wasn't paid a cent.

[@ellenfisher5750]

Haba and trumpolini make a perfect couple. Be careful, Melania

[@suzannegagne8692]

She’s the next Mrs trump

[@jalabi99]

9:14 anyone who thinks that sex ISN'T a gift from God, hasn't read the Song of Solomon lately. That's one of the sexiest books in the entire Bible. I was blushing so hard when I first read it in high school!

[@lornebuchanan3387]

Having taken that cognitive test post stroke, I can tell you it is very easy 😂