Writing Fake Amazon Reviews

[@RADZ4]

I have received various calls from you and your friends, Carson. My roots quiver with fear when I hear the phone ring, but I shall never dare pick it up. I beg you, Carson, please stop with the spam calls.

[@goldbedvids8580]

to talk to an operator, press 1 to stop the voices, press to press 3 for other options, press 4

[@leonkirk8327]

Please

[@Eternalbloodshed17]

Holy shit it's the tree

[@RADZ4]

@@goldbedvids8580 It never stops...

[@CallMeWizzmical]

Minute 2:14.

[@GOOFYGOOBERSMUSIC]

0:04 no way they just ignored that 💀💀

[@DrKoneko]

thats just the kind of thing that's said when you're hanging with the boys and no one questions it for some reason

[@mif4731]

@@DrKoneko ye that's normal.

[@Bennie930]

I mean what else do you expect to happen when you look at the medusa head?

[@NickOwens]

huh?

[@GOOFYGOOBERSMUSIC]

@@NickOwens he said "im so hard right now"

[@azyno3827]

The new comedy group has really grown on me. I genuinely laugh at your stuff. Thanks my guy, keep it going.

[@kaicraft8144]

I don't, jawsh and cooper are a lot funnier

[@HuskyMoment]

@@kaicraft8144 Schlatt Walk, Schlatt Walk Gimme that stride Don't be taking all night You be killing my time, woah When you Schlatt Walk, Schlatt Walk Gimme that vibe You be taking yo time You be lookin' so fly When you Schlatt Walk, Schlatt Walk Gimme that stride Don't be taking all night You be killing my time When you Schlatt Walk, Schlatt Walk Gimme that vibe You be taking yo' time You be lookin' so fly

[@SoeJul]

@@kaicraft8144 did you know they still have, like, their own projects that you can watch?

[@OverIoad7]

@@kaicraft8144what happened to Traves?

[@Bamburfix]

@Kai craft if you dont like it then dont watch it maybe?

[@EmoticonFull]

Something I just realized about these videos that makes them so entertaining to watch is that they are basically Jackbox games with 0 limitations and allows Carson and his friends to express their awful(ly amazing) ideas in the best ways possible.

[@DawnofRoxas101]

That opening joke was so smart

[@tentacool7786]

So true

[@juliannolastname2442]

It was so good lmao

[@SpartanX027]

I dont get it

[@casper2694]

​@@SpartanX027Qin Shi Huang was the first Emperor of China, and the stone army you see is the infamous Terracotta Legion, which are just a bunch of statues placed around his tomb because back then people believed you could take shit into the afterlife so homie brought his entire army with him. The joke was that the statues are actually people and dude just used Medusa's head to turn them all to stone

[@4CornersTV2021]

"Gimmy Grabby" had me uncontrollably squeezing my liver at 3:28am while hooked on an iv, thank you Carson for the comedy

[@Benocutt]

I am noticing a burger pattern in this channel

[@CallMeCarson]

it’s just such a funny food

[@Bamburfix]

@@CallMeCarson Record urself going to mcdonalds and buying and eating a big Mac because funny

[@pissapocalypse]

He should generate more AI images of hamburgers

[@himanbam]

Bunger bunger bunger

[@Gamering22]

The burger arc of the cmc manga

[@nataliehaag3595]

Went through a really tough week, thanks for the laughs Carson :)

[@victor2055]

Glad it made you cheer up 👍 life is not fair at times but there is always a better day to expect

[@ef2803]

Glad I could help

[@jayes_]

that makes two of us

[@Cheemszit]

bot

[@Nae_Ayy]

@@Cheemszit bot

[@urdadundercover]

Gavin and JJ got the perfect balance between smart and psychotic

[@dergeradeweg1413]

4:22 - this whole joke was unironically really fucking funny.

[@DrKoneko]

Had me gackleing

[@rawhidelamp]

Had me gackleing

[@solty313]

Had me gackleing

[@joewantsabrew]

Had me gackleing

[@rj_dr]

Had me gackleing

[@C_heeseable]

I can already tell Quacks and JJ are gonna carry this year

[@purestofsouls]

Better draft them for your callmecarson fantasy team because if you don’t I will

[@boilingcold581]

Rest in Piece, Animator

[@letter_o_hyphen_letter_o]

Read in *_peace!_*

[@zachbickell]

REST IN PEACE, ANIMATOR

[@GraysonHernandez-n9i]

REST IN PEACE ANIMATOR!

[@_red1878]

*inhale* READ IN PEACE!

[@DaNintendude]

The freaking Enter Key one had me gasping for breath. Definitely the funniest one imo 11:57 Being preceded by the cloak and proceeded by the Hamburgler was the icing on the cake. The cloak one was pretty funny, and the "rascal" hit me just right to put me back into the gasping for breath state. Great video overall.

[@ReaverTheSurvivalist]

REST IN PEACE, ANIMATOR. REST IN PEACE, ANIMATOR. READ IN PEACE!

[@YourManE.T]

THE PHONE IS RINGING! THE PHONE IS RINGING! THE PHONE IS RINGING! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING I CANT OPEN MY EYES YOU LEFT ME HOMELESS YOU LEFT ME HOMELESS

[@jenkinsfamily2229]

Gavin’s delivery of “what did you have me dial!?” is perfection

[@randomperson-kx6mv]

10:19 HOLY SHIT WAIT I ACTUALLY OWN ONE OF THESE I can confirm that it dances, wiggles, and shakes just like the real thing 👍

[@HuskyMoment]

can i have one

[@randomperson-kx6mv]

@@HuskyMoment You can have the book if you want

[@triicho3261]

@@HuskyMoment brb asking my dad if we can send our inflatable hollow fleshlight to you

[@Kingtut101]

Time to shake your tail like that funny cat doe

[@KaraTheGirlie]

I have one too I love the silly dude

[@specil-k]

The opening gag is unreal.

[@Mikescool444]

I know right? That shit be grippin

[@SpartanX027]

I dont get it

[@specil-k]

@@SpartanX027 Ever heard of among us?

[@SpartanX027]

Yeah

[@timpyfrog]

i now have the rick roll number saved in my contacts as rick astley. i will commit several surprises.

[@DrKoneko]

Best of video this year is gonna go crazy especially with this video. I could feel the pain as well as desperation when Loki was mashing the phone buttons.

[@LeonDarm]

I love these new callmecartel videos 😃👍🏻

[@terryneal5495]

callmecersin

[@3173_Delta]

KallmeKris

[@3173_Delta]

Oh wait thats a actual youtuber

[@Bamburfix]

Callmecapone

[@pwtrq]

callmecars

[@Marlock2199]

i love how at 7:25 if you read it, it says "reviewed on Novenber *2th,* 2009

[@sloft-70]

I love their ability to create inside jokes out of thin air

[@SentouTsurugi]

for those who dont know, Qin Shi Huang was the king that unified all China

[@JoltedAlive]

well he was the last king that did that, China had a history of breaking apart and coming back together.

[@theroyalwhale]

btw the medusa head review has reached chinese social media and they love it

[@3173_Delta]

5:43 You know braille actually has question marks right? 13:28 Oh I have one of those! And yes I agree, I would purr as well

[@cactus7476]

I can't believe how much better Carson has gotten at solitaire since episode 26 of the solitairey confinement podcast, crazy stuff!

[@6z0]

It hurts my soul knowing this man lost viewership and his friends left him, all for what? This video would have 5m+ views back in the day. Some bullshit.

[@strawberryscentedchlorofor9935]

Sad. Twitter went ape shit for absolutely nothing and now the damage has been done

[@CaptainStereo]

​​@@strawberryscentedchlorofor9935 yeah, that's Twitter for you

[@y-edits]

Didn’t he sexually assault someone

[@6z0]

@@y-edits who did he assault lol?

[@caio608]

@@y-edits no?

[@synkadus]

that single opening "huh?" already destroyed me

[@TmSh212]

I like how all of this dudes friends left him because of a two year age difference in which both parties had gone through puberty and consented.

[@TmSh212]

My boy be 19 and dating a 16yo we ain’t do nun 🤣

[@ian-kr8kc]

​@@TmSh212u a fucking freak u need to get locked up with diddy

[@KLBR_42665]

honestly, I have grown to prefer this new group over the old one. there is just a better synergy

[@klavz1224]

i can't believe catboy Gavin destroyed your mind in the way it did

[@UnderscoreAngel]

"The venezuelan 911" dude it's literally the same thing here LMAOO

[@nice7312]

Outta the blue I wondered how carsons doing after the thing and it's good to see you back man

[@OnceAnOcto]

That rickroll number has my area code. there is a very real chance I have walked past the dude that set up the number.

[@Home_Rich]

Speaking of weird breathing phone numbers: I remember when I was like 9 and lost my newly gifted boomerang on a two story roof. Ran back home, tears sliding across the cheeks, parents weren't home. Grabbed house phone and through my childish nativity, started mashing random numbers. Me: Hello? My boomerang is stuck on the roof, please hel- Receiver: **Starts fricking hooing like an owl🦉** I immediately hang up. Week later, my boomerang, which had been on a sloped roof, visible from like 20 yards, is gone. *Mfw owl took my frickin boomerang.*

[@albertmerlew]

carson is one of two youtubers i find absolutely hilarious, the other is swaggersouls, but both rarely upload. so sad youtube just turned into cringy minecraft videos but its nice to see some real funny content every once in a while

[@CakesAreNotTruths]

0:21 Rest in piece, Animator

[@xthebigZ25x]

The tree at 9:55 reminds me of the old guy who are paint and thought it was yogurt. I’ve been laughing about that for a good 5 minutes.

[@BlackieSootfur]

7:55 at this point in the video i got an ad that started with a woman on hold with a call center and it threw me off

[@PlagueDoctorCosplayer]

OML, I got an add about not accepting random calls LOL

[@TLM3070]

This guy should be a youtuber

[@legend234567]

Actual dying of laughter. This is peak callmesarson content.

[@ShogunRyuusha]

The terracotta joke was genius

[@Sphynxzs]

Phone Guy - "Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay? Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced." Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay. So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh... Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know? Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll pr- they'll most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh. Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night." Night 2: Phone Guy - "Uhh, Hello? Hello? Uh, well, if you're hearing this and you made it to day two, uh, congrats! I-I won't talk quite as long this time since Freddy and his friends tend to become more active as the week progresses. Uhh, it might be a good idea to peek at those cameras while I talk just to make sure everyone's in their proper place. You know... Uh... Interestingly enough, Freddy himself doesn't come off stage very often. I heard he becomes a lot more active in the dark though, so, hey, I guess that's one more reason not to run out of power, right? I-I also want to emphasize the importance of using your door lights. There are blind spots in your camera views, and those blind spots happen to be right outside of your doors. So if-if you can’t find something, or someone, on your cameras, be sure to check the door lights. Uh, you might only have a few seconds to react... Uh, not that you would be in any danger, of course. I'm not implying that. Also, check on the curtain in Pirate Cove from time to time. The character in there seems unique in that he becomes more active if the cameras remain off for long periods of time. I guess he doesn't like being watched. I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure you have everything under control! Uh, talk to you soon." Night 3: Phone Guy - "Hello, hello? Hey you're doing great! Most people don’t last this long. I mean, you know, they usually move on to other things by now. I'm not implying that they died. Th-th-that’s not what I meant. Uh, anyway I better not take up too much of your time. Things start getting real tonight. Uh... Hey, listen, I had an idea: if you happen to get caught and want to avoid getting stuffed into a Freddy suit, uhh, try playing dead! You know, go limp. Then there's a chance that, uh, maybe they’ll think that you're an empty costume instead. Then again if they think you're an empty costume, they might try to... stuff a metal skeleton into you. I wonder how that would work. Yeah, never mind, scratch that. It's best just not to get caught. Um... Ok, I'll leave you to it. See you on the flip side!" Night 4: Phone Guy - Hello, hello? Hey! Hey, wow, day 4. I knew you could do it. Uh, hey, listen, I may not be around to send you a message tomorrow. *banging* It's-It's been a bad night here for me. Um, I-I'm kinda glad that I recorded my messages for you *clears throat* uh, when I did. Uh, hey, do me a favor. *banging* Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? *banging* I'm gonna to try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won’t be so bad. *bang bang* Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads back there. *chime plays*. You know...*deep moan* oh, no - *noises followed by a loud screech and static* Night 5: Note: The phone call from Night Five is not actually spoken by Phone Guy. It's more likely one of the animatronics in a deep, garbled, demonic-sounding voice. When the audio clip is played backwards and some post-processing applied, it is rendered into a difficult to understand, and hard to translate, garble. While numerous possible fan translations exist, a more recent speculation is that the call is in fact an excerpt from the book Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda. It has not been confirmed, however, and is simply speculated because of the frequent matches in hand-translated phrases that most translators of the call have found. The complete passage speculated to be in the call is as follows: (Omitted: Sir,) it is lamentable that mass agricultural development is (omitted: not) speeded by fuller use of your marvelous mechanisms. Would it not be easily possible to employ some of them in quick laboratory experiments to indicate the influence of various types of fertilizers on plant growth? You are right. Countless uses (omitted: of Bose instruments) will be made by future gener- (omitted: ations. The scientist) seldom knows contemporaneous (omitted: reward; it is enough to possess) the joy of creative (omitted: service.)

[@williamchamberlain2263]

0:15 absolute gold

[@onememeyboi7149]

REST IN PEACE, ANIMATOR REST IN PEACE, ANIMATOR

[@_red1878]

READ IN PEACE!

[@jeremywhatup]

I fucking love Gavin, he has the balance amount of chaotic and chaotic. I would give him 2 thumb up if I could.

[@quantum174]

Im actually quite surprised at how the gang can actually create like kinda spooky concepts

[@bartus8529]

you cant just come into my life, make me feel special and then burger king

[@pissapocalypse]

Kurbker Bimg

[@admiralclark]

14:07 A friend of mine actually has this hanging from his rear view mirror.

[@jeanmouloude]

what does she mean, i ate the burger phone and im completely fine with it, there was even red sauce and... and i.... i dont feel so good uh....

[@pissapocalypse]

Rip

[@garretthodsdon3542]

Truly a horrific experience when the review was by Gart which has been my nickname for years and on the blue takis as well where one of me and my friends bits is every time we see them yell out "why is it blue"

[@shsdhfdhshfds3181]

i just came from a video stating what happend with you previously. I'm happy your well and happy. i really hope to see you make it even further

[@Ryhon]

Really liking the new video format!

[@Soothsayer_98]

ok, the history joke on the beginning was actually pretty funny 😂

[@gyrgamer8936]

Qin Shi Huang also consumed mercury for his "health"

[@matheusprado9151]

We need more of these phone numbers stuff lol

[@Technocolor00]

That Wacky Inflatable Tube Guy is legit one of the first things I bought after getting a job. He's great

[@peoplebro_1294]

I like how most these product already have fake reviews

[@Bowie.Moonen]

Thanks for always being the best content creator that just keeps pushing !

[@dylanwhitten3994]

Always love when Carson uploaded and also the blob fish 💀

[@noobmufin6375]

The first call says the number can’t be completed as dialed

[@iMAOusuc]

Gavin is making me question things about myself...

[@wolterfox1332]

i dont know who is snorring when laughing but it's hilarious and I love that man

[@cesarochoa6724]

"The Venezuelan 911" VENEZUELA MENTIONED CHAMO LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO I never felt so proud about my country

[@merijn9886]

Why dont you try to buy a chicken and see how proud you are about your country

[@NotElchamo]

@@merijn9886 Not even a bobux billionaire can afford our prices LMAO

[@SpiritOfTheVoid8516]

REST IN PEACE ANIMATOR

[@yeetmywheat5338]

They totally gotta do "making name soundalikes"

[@VOLATILEVOXELS]

This is the callmecark video of all time (I love how the YT comment meta is that you will never get recognized if your comment isn’t posted within the first 2 minutes)

[@gentlemangamerec7025]

I really love this video. Would love to see more of this.

[@Roboseal2]

I should not be laughing at john nothumbs lmao

[@Bamburfix]

I sure do love Callmecapone and Callmecartel

[@urnotash]

when i want to commit sewer slide i just go back to these to laugh, then go down the awesome slide laughing

[@TextiX887]

That Chinese pronunciation at the start of the video was really quite good! (at least from my perspective after 3 years of study)

[@Mrgoopyloopy]

If you call the never gonna give you up phone number and wait to the very end of the song when it fades out you can just hear faint breathing and then it hangs up

[@fenior]

I love this channel so much.

[@gregaze]

This is one of those you can tell is gonna be a banger in the first 10 seconds

[@chiniiro]

i seriously actually have the wacky waving inflatable tube guy in my room, its pretty okay

[@dt3stu]

Rest in peace, animator

[@Isoldebolde]

This was genuinely so funny

[@143Ollie]

No way SolidJJ is there I love that guy

[@yougoslavia]

Nice video Carson. I don't punch babies.

[@Woffords_non-publish]

Carson misses two uploads, although I hope he's spending his free time happy away from this trashcan of a site

[@CallMeCarson]

I had covid 💀💀💀💀

[@lukelewis3726]

So that means an upload tomorrow right?

[@midasrockstar]

​@@CallMeCarson Covid i barely knew her

[@Uggabugga07]

​@@CallMeCarson damn, hope ur doing good

[@higgles9559]

@@CallMeCarson Hey Carson, hope you are doing good.

[@TwinkieCakey]

God I missed me some Carson videos. I'm glad you're back, happy and healthy. My man right there. :D

[@LexonTheDragonGod]

I think the tree has Carson kidnapped which could explain his 2 week video absence

[@townskeeper]

Watching these videos in class is a hell of a challenge

[@ef2803]

My roots ache for you

[@AerLingus001-kd4kt]

I'd buy a creature that doubly twice sphere!!!

[@krisrojasrivera]

thanks for the good video callmecarton

[@HexZall]

Carson, may I ask why you consumed an entire product of the electronic type?

[@SpectreSoftware]

time to call the tree!

[@DogsWithPurpose]

A shame there were no links to these products

[@dw2channel818]

please make more of these, it was pretty hillarious

[@fartman.mp3]

4:43 WHAT THE FUCK THAT NUMBER IS THE SAME AREA CODE AS ME

[@mj4r]

Saw there was 666 comments so I’m breaking the demonic symbolism this video showed

[@robyncore]

My nigga 🤝

[@kipchickensout]

The elephant toothpaste one was dope af XD

[@mrtiger6964]

The hamburger cheeseburger burger phone really is one of the inventions of all time.

[@Jenna_Talia]

this would make for such a based jackbox minigame

[@abitcool]

oh god, what did they do this time.

[@mathsasian]

i wish to purchase the burger phone and to call strangers with burger phone. will the people like me more if they knew I was calling them through a burger phone? I do not have friends

[@kellenbutcooler]

this isn't weird toilets 2 but its still so very awesome