Can your partner change? Or is it a lost cause? - Susan Winter

Is there a way to tell if your mate can make a positive change? Yes. It’s born of consistency and desire. Here’s the way to know for sure if there’s hope for your relationship.
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[@Sabadiver]

The guy who is fortunate enough to date you is one very lucky and blessed chap!

[@SusanWinter]

That's kind, Richard. Thank you.

[@LadyofCleves65]

One thing for sure he won't be able to pull the wool over her eyes. He better be honest cause she pick that up quick.

[@girlinthesouth850]

The brown paper bag is a very good analogy. Never thought of it that way.

[@jimstevens1726]

I always got the paper bag that had great stuff up top and dog crap at the bottom. : )

[@kathleenwharton2139]

My husbands world values and ambitions were greater than mine. He tried to change me and I tried to change for him. My body broke completely down from stress. I got very sick. I am still recovering..but it is coming. It Did Not work. We need to be who God made us to Be.

[@lowellmiller6663]

Well said. A lot of people want you to change so you don't keep showing them up short by being your genuine self. Another way of saying it is people want to water you down. They like what you have to offer but not the accountability that comes along with it.

[@rachriri]

Honestly I tried changing most of the men I dated and they never change. Maybe for a short while and with constant reminders but it doesnt last long. Its so frustrating to find someone who completely understands you

[@alexandramaria7754]

Hello Susan, your videos advice are so real to apply into our lives. For example the vídeo "why playing full out gets the love you want" make people realize that to built a relationship we have to be real people and also show our real feelings without fear of rejection. Why we have so much afraid to show who we are? Because they will think we are crazy? Rejection is part of everything like many others feelings, but as you said somewhere everyone now is using a mask showing less of what they really are just to fit into something else. There is hunger for love, but does people in our days knows how to love? I have 32 years, Portuguese, young, beautiful, tall and powerful and what I see is so much superficial contact which not so much effort to pursue a relationship or just meet someone for real. Scary? I do think so, because we are feeding a society of lazy people who wants everything but do nothing to sustain and create one emotional place to feel safe. One Portuguese psychologist wrote an article called "In my bed yes, in my life no!" where we see perfectly what's going on out there. Best regards Susan ;)

[@SusanWinter]

Perfectly stated, Alexandra. You've hit the nail on the head. We have a huge sociological problem that encourages superficial hookups, instead of showing up for a real relationship. But people want more. And each person who wants a greater outcome in love and romance will come to realize that they need to show up fully, and play full out in order to attract the love they want. Thank you for your brilliant commentary!

[@rickmenasco322]

It would've been nice had she shared her concerns w/ me prior to breaking up out of the blue. I loved her. I'm adaptable. I desire to change & improve. Didn't even see it coming.

[@YouTubeUzername]

😂😂

[@laurabora9750]

I'm confused. I want to change for my ex so that he will take me back. He always wanted me to change. Change my church, change my habits and even aspects of my personality including my mannarisims and weight. Being an individual won't keep you warm at night. But I prefer I the end being what he wanted because to hold his hand and to be in love felt secure and good and beautiful. Being without him feels horrible . And I cannot help but blame myself.

[@artfulist]

Susan, would you consider explaining how to go slow in a relationship? I began a relationship with an amazing man two months ago and welcomed the idea of going slowly (we both became single last year after long-term relationships). The problem is that now it’s driving me crazy psychologically. I’m journaling, pursuing new friendships, doing social activities, working a ton of hours, etc. but I can’t get my mind off of him. It seems so easy for him to go days without communicating but for me it seems like torture (and my ego beats me up as days go by not hearing from him). But his actions when we’re together consistently demonstrates he likes me and wants to move forward … but at a snails pace. I act like it doesn’t bother me and know this is an issue I’ve created for myself. I’m embarrassed to even be admitting this! How do I go slow, which I KNOW is a good idea, but still keep my mental sanity?

[@SusanWinter]

MM MM, what you're asking for is not unreasonable!There's no way a healthy minded person would feel comfortable with "no contact" for days on end. This isn't relationship building. Lack of contact is relationship destroying. You have every right to your feelings. You need to know your bottom line in terms of the amount of contact required to keep you interested in a relationship. Then, you need to communicate that to your partner.

[@fredericmoresmau4303]

But how is a person supposed to know what to change?

[@pabeke]

Hi Susan. I have a question.Why would my long distance boyfriend would press like button on other girls posts in his facebook but not my posts .When I asked him this before months ago face to face he said he didnt see and than he liked all my recent posts front of me on his mobile.Recently we did have a phone coversation that where is our relationship goes ..He said we have to keep dating get to know eachother more till we sure About everything to get married. Why he ignores my posts or dont contact me often .Hes gosting me as well as he says he wants me he misses me Iam really confused what to do ? Thanks xxx

[@SusanWinter]

I know that this can hurt. And it is unfair. I ask you to take a serious look at this guy that you call "boyfriend." Firstly, he's long-distance. That's already an issue even for people who are deeply committed to each other. I suggest you tell him what you want and need. If he's serious about getting to know you for marriage, then he has to court you. He has to make an effort to give the relatisnhip a full chance. Wishing you well.

[@josenavas9968]

Ms Winters; yes that was my question to my Ms J. Relationship or are you wanting a friends with benefits situation? My point was to move the dial forward so to speak. After nine months I thought it was time? Her ANSWER was this will change everything between us. My answer; of course. After awhile of evasion talk not conversation, she walked away with look of will talk later. As for me? I started planning my exit quietly..Then after awhile the look of nervousness and with a soft tone in her voice..don't go. But after nine months say I..stick to the plan call or text me

[@Lana0624]

Oh Susan, I needed this! Thank you!!

[@jimmygaris7196]

I am married for 8 years I don’t have any complaint from my wife besides drinking , unfortunately she drinks every evening and it’s not the amount that she drinks it’s how she gets when drinking , one glass of wine it’s more then enough to change her in to a complete deferent person very mean aggressive short temper sarcastic putting me down , I don’t know how to change that when she is not drinking she is the most loving affectionate responsible person i ever meet but when she has a glass of wine it’s a nightmare walking on eggshells for me and the Kitts , any ways I am just saying I don’t talk to any one I know about my situation so from time to time I post my thoughts on KZbin, thank you for your videos they’re all very educational and easy to understand.

[@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488]

New house rules # 1. Complete 100 % sobriety in your home. # 2. See rule number 1

[@sharathsuma7556]

Nice video , Susan . Great message .Thank you . Btw I just wanted to check with you , is there any slightest hope for me ? I was trying to be brave , but I have realized that I cannot love any other girl in my life . I still deeply love her . I will never be able to forget her .Now the change required is going against the traditional norms . I love her the way she is . I don't know her feelings when she decided to close the doors of our connection . So far I didn't approach her because I respect her wishes . Its now that I realize that I was in love and I am still in love . If she is not in my life , I will remain single for ever . That's for sure . I know mine may be a wrong question , but still ... if at all we have a chance ... Sorry , if my question is in appropriate .

[@SusanWinter]

Sharath, your sentiments are are sweet (and also naïve). Only in this moment is your age apparent. Young people believe they will "never love again". That's not true. Honor what you had. Allow her to move forward with her parents wishes, and you move forward as well. You will indeed love again.

[@sharathsuma7556]

Thank you , Susan . I will . She had gifted me some beautiful moments in my life . I will always cherish that . Its impossible for me to fill some one else in her place . I still love her so much . But I will never follow her from here on . I wish her to be happy for ever .

[@SusanWinter]

That's a very positive way to look at it. Wishing you well Sharath.

[@sharathsuma7556]

Thank you , Susan .

[@andrewgibson4404]

Great video - thank you.

[@benedictaalfonso5802]

If he wants but if not I don’t care

[@sswcustomcyclesswcustomcyc7948]

Thank you again Susan. I have been a bit behind watching your channel. Today I have been writing, thinking, and finishing up my relationship inventory. You always give me ideas and answer questions I am working on so well. Again I thank you for helping others on here. You have helped me so that I can better work with others and I appreciate it.

[@SusanWinter]

Fantastic!!! You are truly dedicated to your self-growth, SSW. It's a beautiful thing to witness. I find putting this down on paper allows me to visually see the connection between each partner, the evolution of what happened between us, their pluses and minuses. It shows me what I'm attracted to (that works for me), and what I need to be aware of (that doesn't work for me). Let me know how goes.

[@nancywilliams9511]

Why do you keep popping up when l am trying to get to something worthwhile to watch