The Green Clarinet - That Mitchell and Webb Look

A sketch by Mitchell and Webb about a green clarinet that maks you tell embarrising secrets but watch out for the red tuba. That Mitchell and Webb Look coming soon to BBC 2
DISCLAIMER: ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO THE BBC. I DID NOT PRODUCE THIS VIDEO.

[@brain_apostrophe_t]

You know the person who invented the gun lived like this for at least a while.

[@innescoull7061]

Can you blame them hahah

[@tbotalpha8133]

"I have a grey gun, that when you point it at someone-" "What's a gun?" "-And pull the trigger, it makes them drop dead!"

[@ethericboy]

No he did"nt

[@penitent2401]

the first guns were not that great vs bows and crossbows of the time. Single shot with manual loading of powder and metal ball as a bullet, both of very low quality and imprecisely made compared to modern day, takes long time to load, wildly inaccurate. even after some decades of improvements and refinements, it needs to be fired in volleys at point blank range to have chance of hitting anything. their main advantage was the soldiers can very easily be trained to use and maintain them.

[@jeanpaulsinatra]

"I think you'll be crowning me king now" "Such impertinence. Sir William, seize him" *shoots Sir William dead, despite the latter's full plate armour, and looks pretty fucking smug until he sees every other knight drawing their swords before he can reload*

[@Lionkingview]

I have a yellow acoustic guitar that makes me look like a douche when I play it at parties.

[@caderidley2309]

The colour has nothing to do with looking like a douche while playing an acoustic guitar at a party

[@Itsyrm8]

Just keep practicing and keep the faith😁

[@cleanbeans4280]

@@caderidley2309 /:thatsthejoke.jpg

[@xXxJSCOTTxXx]

@@cleanbeans4280 i can't see the picture can you re-upload it

[@TheSchemer1]

@@caderidley2309 he might be alluding to Simon Coopers'car

[@Snowie7826]

The only thing that can stop a bad man with a green clarinet is a good man with a red tuba

[@hippy282]

The Green Clarinet is obviously an artefact of Vectron from the First Age

[@Kris.G]

It's all in the ancient scrolls

[@eliamor1782]

we must get sir digby chicken caesar to retrieve it for her majesty!

[@hippy282]

@@eliamor1782 I love that sketch! They'd probably pawn it for booze money

[@whatthetrend8323]

@@Kris.G By Vectron's ant ridden shoes you're right!

[@Vesnicie]

No, it's The Magic Flute and the outfit is based on the character Papageno.

[@tsarfox3462]

The Red Tuba part almost made me shit my pants in laughter.

[@Pooknottin]

That's because it's not magical. It just plays the brown note.

[@BenjaminGoose]

You mean the sound that makes you do a shiiiit?@@Pooknottin

[@Pooknottin]

@@BenjaminGoose Yep. That's the brown note.

[@hotelmario510]

It works!

[@redguy7718]

I have an avocado bathroom that enrages renovation show hosts

[@agt155]

I have a purple organ, but that's another story.

[@joshacollins84]

You might wanna loosen your grip of is gone purple.

[@stevenwebb3634]

You might want to see a doctor about that

[@MarthaRoseMoore415]

NOICE!!

[@HolyGhost66]

Lolz

[@nondescripthandle212]

you've got a purple member? Like tinky winky

[@tuckintospidey]

The twist of the Red Tuba always has me crying, just the blunt statement "I have a Red Tuba that makes you shit yourself." 😂😂

[@JackT13]

I don’t know what’s funnier, the green clarinet sketch or David screaming ‘ARRRGGGHHH’ at Rob’s inability to type

[@thatoneguychad420]

David's screaming because we've all felt that exact same way before.

[@LilyGrace95]

I love that you can hear the truth while the clarinet is played 😂

[@thomasbland5450]

They sure get a lot of milage out of Robert shaking his head disapprovingly! Lol

[@mmckenzie9367]

My mother in law has a tortoise shell accordion that makes peoples ears bleed.

[@telectronix1368]

Tell her not to throw it so hard.

[@leonardobrien]

I have a blue piano, but it's a lot harder to haul around to restaurants, etc.

[@Emiliapocalypse]

Should have got yourself a blue keytar instead 🎶

[@JackDManheim]

@@Emiliapocalypse Indeed. Everybody should have a blue keytar

[@johncitizen306]

You have a cringe pfp and no balls

[@amazingmagmorter]

Quite possibly my favourite sketch of all time.

[@Mr.Monta77]

You confuse possibility with probability. Or the other way around.

[@amazingmagmorter]

@@Mr.Monta77 Twas 8 years ago

[@SeppiMaulwurf]

@@amazingmagmorter did you learn the difference in the meantime? 😂

[@amazingmagmorter]

@@SeppiMaulwurf Think my grammar back when I was 12 was fine

[@rosschops9509]

Listen to Mitchell and Webb sound cash register shop sketch!

[@MrsLevinson175]

I love when he’s shaking his head sadly in the background

[@treasuremage7546]

Yeah, well I have a mahogany accordion that makes you feel pity for my subpar accordion playing

[@drpaulquiz4326]

I have one of those, but in red.

[@peter_pansexual6243]

It's the love child of the Pied Piper and the Riddler.

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

I have a Heliotrope Harpsichord. It presumably does something, but it takes so long to explain both of those terms to people, that I've never had the chance to use it. I was given it in 2008, I feel like I'm missing out on something...

[@thatoneguychad420]

If you play it right it makes women take their clothes off.

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

​If that's true then I don't want it anymore. I'll stick it on eBay.

[@Badkarma333]

Definitely hilarious but oddly sinister.

[@DJAngiePangie]

I have a black and silver clarinet that makes my cat run away.

[@gelraldoldo5152]

12 years, dam

[@DJAngiePangie]

@@gelraldoldo5152 This is a very strange window into my past... Why did I write this? More than that, why did 24 people like it? 😂

[@themostbritishpersonalive868]

@@DJAngiePangie well presumably your cat is scared of clarinets

[@Thoughtland]

I have a magenta ukulele that makes you walk backwards and sing Bee Gee's songs.

[@liamcoghlan5408]

That sounds great

[@colinm366]

This is just brilliant writing. Period.

[@GrandChiefSmackaho]

I have a purple Harmonica that makes people dry heave uncontrollably.

[@wilmer89]

I have a golden saxophone that makes you piss yourself

[@Highstar25]

i have a taupe harp that makes you smell mildly of trout

[@zh84]

I love this. Also you get to see Olivia Colman before it was discovered she was a Great Actress and won an Oscar.

[@thatoneguychad420]

She's in stuff older than this too! She is great.

[@JehanineMelmoth]

Watch Green Wing!

[@thatoneguychad420]

@@JehanineMelmoth green wing is awesome.

[@zh84]

@@JehanineMelmoth I did! The first series was one of the funniest things I have ever seen on television. The second was a disappointment.

[@JehanineMelmoth]

@@zh84 agreed.

[@cosmicwire6356]

I have a blue accordion that makes people feel like they’re being chased by something.

[@burntgrahamcracker2866]

So you’re the reason I’ve been so paranoid you bastard!

[@NickHoad]

I have a turquoise french horn. It doesn't do much, but it sounds nice...

[@ASChambers]

Absolute classic!

[@Mandalore06]

I would not have been beaten by the tuba. I would play my clarinet, to hell with the shit running down my legs. We would see who endured the longest.

[@CyberBeep_kenshi]

'Delete, delete, delete, weeeeeeeeee i gone too fast ' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@josemaria8177]

This sketch sums up US foreign policy post WW2, being the only country with nukes, they could do anything they wanted. It is also well known that Truman's mother made his costume and that he wasn't allowed near local schools

[@Ceaseless_Watcher]

I'm not sure their racist views were harboured secretly.

[@samveeproductions8762]

Are you suggesting that the red tuba represents the Soviet Union or something?

[@eliamor1782]

i think all US presidents shouldn’t be allowed near schools

[@johncitizen306]

​@@eliamor1782ole sniffy Joe must be on the register surely?

[@freekjegeen8603]

I have a turquoise kazoo that makes people punch me in the face Pretty sure it isn’t magic though…

[@danielcollin8227]

I have a teal coloured sliding-whistle that makes you vomit pigeons

[@spencerraney4979]

If I can’t get a green clarinet that makes people tell embarrassing truths, could I at least get a turquoise oboe that makes people make awkward noises with their mouth?

[@thatoneguychad420]

I've got a purple headed skin flute.

[@nathanmcgill7249]

Oboes already make the oboist make awkward noises with their mouth

[@CycolacFan]

Disappointed not to see any suggestion of a pink oboe.

[@Bazawaza1]

With Great Power comes Great Responsibility ;)

[@ryanne.5172]

I have a golden flute that summons the bees

[@jakebond2294]

This made me feel quite Christmassy.

[@Elendor57]

You're gonna go far, kid!

[@Barra_]

:O I want a clarinet like that, if only mine did that when I played it lol That was hilarious XD

[@rnw2739]

I have a puce pummice stone which, somehow has now become lodged up my Aris....

[@hotelmario510]

Mitchell and Webb Look sketches run the gamut between everyday slice-of-life stuff, and absolutely bizarre stuff like this

[@Phloneme]

I have a cerulean harpsichord that turns tampons into sardines.

[@Xalgucennia]

The green clarinet is better. You'll reveal actual information that's potentially incriminating. The red tuba you could just counter with an adult diaper.

[@EyesLikeBroccoli]

Their 'Rude Gandhi' comes in a close second for me.

[@zapkvr]

I just now heard this music on the wireless and it brought me here as if by magic.

[@louiseogden1296]

Olivia Coleman is awesome.

[@Wattywatasaurus]

I have a blue harmonica that makes people lose all self-restraint. I just sit on the tube and blow into it, and watch what happens.

[@imaweerascal]

Does anyone know where I can get hold on that calendar? It sounds lovely

[@thatonekidonaboat1269]

Love that every one in the comments are sharing their musical instruments

[@atheist_addict]

The Green Clarinet is Numberwang.

[@googoogjoobgoogoogjoob]

Some douche used that tuba on me the other night. Mind you, I had had 8 pints of Stella and a vindaloo.

[@TheThomas64fan]

an orange trumbone forces you to fall in love with Martha Stewart

[@sbraypaynt]

*Gaunter O Dimm goes to England*

[@coolhandle572]

the U.S.: bondald trump the UK: man with flute

[@brendanyoung282]

So funny! And very weird! They must have been laughing their heads off writing this..

[@madmanarragon]

I have to try this

[@TheOneTakeLiveCast]

The head shaking 😆

[@Mishima505]

Although I wouldn’t mind if Olivia Colman really did push in front of me in a queue…

[@EazyDuz18]

Delete, delete, delete, weeeeeeeeee i gone too fast ' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@dractaimatsu]

I have a pink theremin that reminds people of ghosts

[@vikingursigurdsson]

I have a blue bass that makes people hold their hands over their ears

[@MyGreatAuntFanny]

Very good!

[@sirpercivalsmallcock-jones9585]

I have a mauve euphonium that makes cats explode.

[@LordSandwichII]

+Throatwobbler Mangrove Is your name pronounced "Raymond Luxury Yacht?" XD

[@sirpercivalsmallcock-jones9585]

Lord Sandwich No, it's spelled that way. I prefer to use 'Throatwobbler Mangrove' as my KZbin name to avoid mispronunciation.

[@Wattywatasaurus]

Ah! That makes sense! It sounded to me like she was saying "I don't engage in strike well," and I figured that it couldn't be that, because it doesn't make any sense. So I tried harder and harder, and just couldn't hear it any differently. Now you say it, though, I can hear it perfectly!

[@drneotech7254]

So either that tuba makes only Mitchell shit himself or it makes everyone who can hear one of the loadest instruments shit themselves too

[@playerthe2nd]

ive got a yellow flute......doesnt do much

[@RDS_Armwrestling]

I love how the tune is "I saw three ships" and this video was suggested to me at this time of year (December 2021)

[@jimmyr270]

I have a yellow French horn which makes everyone giggle like little girls

[@jxzzpng]

the probation officer tagged me

[@danielreed5199]

David got his wish of sorts.... Robert Webb starred in a film called Confetti, where he and Olivia Colman played nudists. Both of them hated the film because they were misled on how much nudity would be shown.

[@youtubeistrash2347]

How much was shown

[@cra83]

Was the red tuba man, sitting drinking wine; mickey Flanagan?!

[@Chibi_changa]

I have an orange trombone which causes extended periods of mildly inappropriate hallucinations.

[@michaelq77]

I've just advanced my lip reading skills.

[@TheOneiFear]

Well you see, I have an orange flute that makes you allergic to oxygen!

[@ericpraline]

That’s hilarious

[@BigglesGames1]

Lmao 4:49 Davids yell :P:P

[@TheCatBilbo]

I have an aubergine triangle that makes your nose itchy. Beware...

[@TryDiy]

I have bagpipes that make me obnoxious.

[@jedi01sith]

I saw three ships (come sailing in)

[@CartesianNullification]

It be crap to be having a nice meal and then everyone simultaneously shits themselves 💩

[@Cartoonman154]

mr B natural.

[@danielponder690]

I have a red bassoon, it offers up no special powers :(

[@KingOfMusic921]

I have a transparent mandolin that makes you turn into david mitchell

[@alexpeach7439]

I have a white kazoo that makes your scabs turn into geese

[@2tommyrad]

Play a lil tune or use it like a truncheon. Versatile!

[@asalmog]

What is he saying after "I'm not allowed near local schools"?

[@alisalverson7321]

The probation service tagged me.

[@strawberrypencl]

@@alisalverson7321 They did? Oh no! What for?!

[@alisalverson7321]

@@strawberrypencl It's just what he said after "I'm not allowed near local school"

[@thatonekidonaboat1269]

@@alisalverson7321 not sure u got the joke

[@gglreallysucks5512]

Yeah yeah, Ali.... revealed too much didn’t you?!

[@changer_of_ways_999]

I got a trombone but only the ladies are allowed to play it.

[@chumshot1]

@Thoughtland LOLZZ

[@mossy642]

1:19 Oscar winning actress Olivia Coleman everyone.

[@richardsawyer5428]

At least it wasn't a pink oboe. I've heard that there's films about those.

[@drewdemien481]

I have a blue burlap sweater that makes you itch!?

[@gnorung7769]

One of the earlier brown note jokes

[@iamthestig1]

So would I.

[@kezisthename]

"my mum has made my costume" LMFAOOOOOO

[@AngsterGaming]

I have a yellow basoon... nevermind.

[@CyberBeep_kenshi]

I have a sad trombone.wav

[@justincronkright5025]

I have a brown harmonica, but you don't want to know why it's that colour!

[@MyPhobo]

This video quality is way too good I wish it could be blurrier and more stretched out.

[@jurvajakki]

Well this was uploaded back in 2008, gotta understand things weren't as developed back then.

[@MaximumPotato0102]

I would kill for a red tuba... lol

[@redmystery3.143]

I have a brass coloured trombone that can make any joke funny.