Change these 2 patterns to change your life after narcissistic abuse

This video is about 2 kinds of childhood programming you might have received in growing up if you were raised by a narcissist (or even in an adult abusive relationship) and how these patterns can be affecting your life now (relationships, friendships, work, family, services that you hire people to do for you, etc.) I’ve got some tips for you to overcome these patterns.
Using the body to recognize a toxic person or situation: • Recognizing a Toxic Pe...
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!

[@mariacanfly6027]

I feel ending a realtionship with a narc ages you in reverse. You somehow look younger after having been away from them for a while.

[@Muser10863]

Mariacanfly, my 23yr marriage with a narc aged my face and body more than i would've experienced with just regular aging with a normal life. I'm skeptical that extended time away from the narc will reverse the aging caused by the narc years. But here's hoping!

[@korsimms7886]

@@Muser10863 once you're mind begins to relax and release tension, you're more youthful side will begin to shine through. Remember to pamper yourself and allow your inner beauty to shine through.

[@asktheetruscans9857]

A cheerful countenance both makes you look and feel younger, it effects you on a cellular level. So did all the stress, being on trial and walking on eggshells around the narc. If you figured out to turn all that empathy inward, that helps too. We are love and light which heals. Physician, heal thyself first!

[@mariamistretta3860]

I agree when you end abused relationship, things are better. You learn new things that it's okay to say no to them.

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

They are like those mythical creatures that drain the youth and life force of others so they can stay eternally young

[@primalself9232]

One thing that I have a bad habit of doing is offering people a full explanation when they ask me questions. It's as if I'm putting myself on trial and trying to defend myself.

[@blumenbaum9029]

Yes I find my self having done that often also!

[@bunkapunch]

I also over explain.

[@cathyann5014]

we have been programmed that way, it takes practice and perseverance to just say N0.

[@ladyladychickchick9133]

OMG- I do that. It's a tough habit to break.

[@itzajdmting]

I do the same thing very observant of you to pick up on it

[@mandyg5747]

Oh my goodness. ...at 54 have only just learned that I do NOT have to explain myself to others or allow men I do not like into my life. Not my job to make their social life better! Wow it's so liberating! Thank you.

[@Lara_Larimar]

Wow, thanks for sharing that. I am a couple of decades younger but it makes me think how society manipulated women for soo long in order to bring generations and generations of obeying , co-dependent women around the world !!! An only now we are waking up

[@ZenjaGlass]

She said “Unsubscribe from the narcissist’s reality.” That’s powerful!

[@1RPJacob]

another bad habits: Taking gifts I did not asked for and be thankful. Accepting unsolicited advices.

[@ladyladychickchick9133]

Wow, yep, my mother emails me and if I don't respond ASAP she threatens to call the police. I'm 48. Really good video!

[@vishaljain9407]

LadyLadyChickChick You need to make the things clear to her that no you won't respond

[@beverly5886]

She probably watches too much crime TV!

[@blueshoes915]

Yes! So glad I’m not the only adult whose mother does this. I’m married now and I think she’s starting to freak out because I don’t live alone anymore so she can’t threaten to call the police if I don’t answer. She once texted my husband and he didn’t answer and within 5 mins she was texting me about how she texted him to ask him blah blah blah and he didn’t answer her! This was before I knew what she was and we just laughed about it and answered her later. Now I know to just not answer at all. She once threatened me saying she didn’t think she would live past 60 with all the stress and yada yada. She’s now 67, so that sucks. I would advice you to go no contact. I would 100% except my dad is still married to her and I love my dad. Poor dad, I can only imagine the horror he’s had to deal with being married to her for 43 years.

[@MsKariSmith]

My 90 year of narc mother phones me and causes me all kinds of stress. Where does she get all the energy to go on and on and on and on??? At 65, I am soooo tired of it all. A lifetime of stress at her hands. Since finding these talks, I have slowly coming to realize "the Why " of her behavior all these years and it won't end until she is in the ground. I tell her I won't listen to her anymore, I just want peace in whatever time I have left on this world. she says, OK but of course dose not mean it. The very next day, it's like we didn't have the conversation at all. She is a great "Pretender" and now at 90 she is getting more and more forgetful.

[@mgmail7279]

@@MsKariSmith Same here with my 89 year old mother. It's exhausting. I'm going no contact but you sound as if you have some sort of good relationship. Me with mine - horrid!

[@susanfaye4935]

Awakening moment. Been up since 1:30am trying to figure out my life. Certain patterns that keep repeating. Now I know. Was married to a narcissist. Could not understand how I did not see the signs? Raised by two narcissist. One mental and emotional. The other physical and sexual. This for me is so much deeper than setting a boundary. Been having similar issues with my roommate. Now it all makes sense. Thank you so much for helping me see the light. Now true healing can begin.

[@enlightenedone7083]

Great video. My ex-fiancé narcissist used to call me incessantly until I responded. I suffer from generalized anxiety. Dealing with him made my anxiety worsen. To the point that I began having panic attacks. I am so grateful that I left him 2 years ago. I haven’t had 1 single panic attack since then.

[@KG-bk5vc]

Michelle Carpenter Alright!! Yes I know u are so happy and at peace Yes congratulations!

[@beyondalmightyliz]

Michelle Carpenter can we please talk? [e-mail]

[@MrMkayultra]

Michelle Carpenter @ say what ? He was calling you non stop? Was he interrupting at work? Calling non stop, damn it! That's what junkies do to their dealers

[@MrMkayultra]

Michelle Carpenter hang in there !you r loved

[@bethflynn4278]

Had that very thing happen today with my narc husband who I am.separating from. He has been calling me at noon every day knowing i am at lunch then tries.to monopolize my lunch. When i wouldn't give him more time and energy he blasted and called me names at 4:00 my quitting time to get what he wants. He used word salad on his texts which were no sensible ramblings to get a rise out of me! Can't wait until.we separate. I am putting 1500 miles between us and will valiantly try to go contact.

[@nancyhans4021]

Both of these patterns have been chiseled into my life. After a lot of work I started to speak up for myself and I just want to warn people that when you implement this...there can be extremely painful backlash. Prepare for some anger and hardcore lashing out. It's awful when you see your normally covert narc whip off their mask. So I've been doing a ton of journaling just to keep my perspective clear and to take the opportunity to safely admit my responsibility so that I can stay clear. But I have to say that it is lonely to have everyone mad at you. It's been really tough but it became evident that all of my relationships were toxic and it has been really hard not to say "Hey! I'm the common denominator here!" but keeping myself honest with myself has kept that judge at bay and I can now begin to rebuild my life and create new and healthy relationships but I am starting with just me. I'm the one I want to really get to know and like. Good luck, thank you Meredith for your constant wisdom, charm and love.

[@holly3503]

I hear you, Nancy. I thought that for years, that I must be the common denominator and people used that to push me around and wipe their feet on me. It turns out, no, I'm not the cause of disharmony at all, it's just that my mother, stepfather, biological father, brother and half-sister are ALL narcissists. Trying to get along with them was like trying to get a hug from a bunch of sharks. I finally ditched them all. Now, the remaining family I have is kind and my friends are all loving, so I'm good. Finally. Best wishes to you! xx

[@j.m.waterfordasxiphanex3738]

"You don't have to answer that." Voice a dissatisfaction. Always listen to your body. Check in with reality. What's real. Unsubscribe from the narc's reality. This is tops Meredith. Thanks :)

[@heidiaguilar1257]

I never understood my anxiety and always thought there was something wrong with me, but these people bombarded me for close to 30 years and now in my late 40s, I have finally figured it out. Your videos have been so helpful, Meredith. Thank you.

[@pauladsilva9374]

I did some of the first because of the 2nd two.... I was living in fear and anxiety because my gut knew what he was doing... I ignored my gut... my body and mind deteriorated because I ignored my gut .... the first time he did the doo doo test... I gave in.. his reaction was ..... I will never apologize to you because you made me do it.... lifetime movie... I stayed.. and it never got better in true abuser form.... 😢😢

[@buelan.6525]

I'm a nurse and spent many years being bullied by other nurses from a culture other than my own (I was the white minority). They were constantly interrupting me while performing vital patient care, interfering with my work, yelling my name demanding I drop everything and come running to them and just downright harassment. I finally learned to ignore them and proceed with caring for my patients. They were baffled but I think they thought I was hard of hearing. I would have to say that I valued my patients' needs over their demands but many of them made it very difficult to work under those circumstances. Finally I was fired because of false allegations by co-workers and I couldn't be more thrilled. Wish I had stood up for myself as much as I stood up for my patients. Your information is invaluable and I cannot express my gratitude enough. Thank you

[@psychologyofhappiness]

This information is golden! Being a therapist and a Life-coach myself I am 100% agree and grateful for this video!!!

[@CMeaganMichael]

Meredith, That is a very enlightened perspective. I needed to hear this today. As much as I am in tune with my gut now and listen to it, I still tended to believe people are toxic until they prove that they are not. Though I don't really have to do that anymore. I know who is toxic. Our gut never lies. I do listen to my body. I don't sit and rationalize away my feelings any longer. What I feel is what is real! (ooh I like that!) Thank you for another really amazing life changing video!

[@lucyross3318]

Yes, once identified your true self and false self ego. cures your anxiety. Knowledge of narc abuse getting in touch with that inner child and false self.... Such powerful stuff. 👍

[@CarolHalford2024]

Yes, if only I had this info and understanding 30 years ago, my life today would look so much different. My sister and mother were narcissists. I was just a pawn in their wicked weavings of their lives. That's history. I had to get "permission" that it was okay to not want my toxic husband, who had been on a month long substance abuse treatment program, for him to not come back into my life. That was 30 years ago. It as an EAP director of a police department. My husband was an abusive alcoholic police officer, and the EAP director said "when he comes home, even if you want him to..." that's all I remember but it hit me like a ton of bricks because it meant that I could say NO MORE. My husband never changed, gave him 6 weeks....it was 6 weeks of silent treatment. No alcohol but silence. NO MORE. I had gone to church, asked for help, they had no clue as to what abuse looks like, they were no help at all. I ended it. Divorced. He died of cirrhosis of the liver at 49 years old. I'm 64 now, but, as I say, if only I'd had this info back then I would not be where I am today. Another husband, another different problem. So much more to it all. BUT THE BEST THING IS my understanding has increased, and that in itself is freeing. THAT makes me happy!! Thank you Meredith, you have blessed me greatly xo Knowledge is power.

[@annabelzholguin4378]

Thank you SO much, I do feel compelled to answer my exes texts messages, especially when he has our kids with him. But, I’ll try not to respond as quickly, especially if they aren’t referring to the children. Your videos have been super helpful in my life. I feel stronger and stronger everyday!

[@cmbhalupowski]

God bless you!

[@ajitkumardas7561]

Very right. I have spent 29 years with my narcissistic wife. God bless you.

[@robinboroda7909]

How I overcame it was my life was nearly blown up and I had no choice but shut out, unplug and hide out, block all contact. I realized I had the sovereign right to peace. At that time, I realized no one would ever assert my needs. It became a stark reality. No deprogramming- survival jolted me into that massive shift- alot of trauma assosiated means my body gives strong cues when these boundaries are pushed. Yes this may be overgeneralized at first but use cognitive faculties to tease out real threats from fears.

[@asktheetruscans9857]

Sovereign right to peace! I'm stealing that! Hope you don't mind :)

[@Ursaminor31]

Merideth, every time you articulate these situations you put into words what is so elusive to describe to others. Until you say these things I can't even articulate what I went through. You are wonderful, thank you

[@claudiamaldonado5566]

Thank you very much Meredith, what an amazing words of wisdom to live by. I have the right (not a choice )and the responsibility to speak up for myself. Words I am learning at 45 year old.

[@blumenbaum9029]

How about learning this at 57 , well I’m glad I’m learning at this age!

[@meenamam]

Well, I am learning at 65

[@mandyg5747]

Thank you all for posting your age. I have been feeling stupid for not learning this before I got to 54. Especially as I know that it has prolonged an illness I got at 14. I felt like I needed them because my health meant I struggled financially and was alone etc but they left me to it despite me only living 10 minutes away. Now I live 45 minutes away they feel justified in their neglect but I finally feel free and safe. Thank God for the Internet or we might never have seen the light. Thank you Meredith. I like how she keeps it short. I find over 10 mins too much to take in. Recovery takes energy!

[@SilverGirl-925]

In another of your recent videos, you said, "...all of a sudden your entire life makes sense!", as a result of waking up to what has really been going on with a narcissist. I feel this way every time I listen to you. Life is making more and more sense which is helping me to grow and heal.

[@PournimaB]

EXACTLY what I feel, every time a new set of ideas are introduced. Everything makes sense from a larger perspective.

[@glowinthadark]

Im not ..alone...it is the inner understanding the deeper self craved ....and im NOT going threw all of it alone...love you guys Who can relate

[@dianag.1997]

I feel the same! I found out about narcissism just two months ago and since then I watch and read everything on this topic. I could not get enough of the knowledges, there are a lot of a-ha moments "that's why he said this to me, that's why he behaved like this and etc". Specially with gaslighting. With every new piece of information more clarity and relief!

[@pamelapowell9236]

@@dianag.1997 amen..so proud of you keep reading God will open your eyes God is pulling the vail off these type of ppl they will be gone i was told that though connecting...keep reading but like myself i know now an let me tell u brand new world.

[@peasquiet4948]

Same!

[@MyJubilation]

I was brutally beaten if I didn't hear my name called. I survived by being the quiet servant... I was raised to the age of 13 by my 2 older siblings(10 & 11 years older than me). Growing up in Jamaica was awful.

[@mgmail7279]

Somewhat same, except for the Jamaica part. I'm stopping being the quiet servant so I can have an ounce of dignity in my life - not to mention stop being abused! Hope you can find some peace.

[@mariag5201]

🙏🙏🙏

[@junecarriesullivan1845]

After months of emotional trauma, where he came back into my life, then abruptly left again, I found myself calling and calling him. As I'm listening to a few aspects of narcissistic abuse, I'm also seeing myself. I was the one calling and texting and trying to get an answer. I went out of my way to be validated and to be "right" because I couldn't stand the picture he was painting of me. I know now that I never could have prevented him from making the manipulative moves he did. However, I feel so much shame that I allowed him to make me spiral into doing things (calling and emailing and obsessively trying) that I never would normally do. It makes him have a lot of power over me and honestly makes HIM look "right." I've never experienced something so sick in my life. I'm so glad to be on the healing side of this. Thank you for your videos.

[@dupuyloveable]

Wow! This is really accurate. I've definitely been through this in childhood and as an adult.

[@SparkleServal]

Meredith you’re such an amazing woman. Don’t ever stop sharing your gifts and insight. 😊

[@KarenCroll]

Yes this is excellent advice! I just this weekend had an unexpected conversation with my mother. I went 'no contact' with my mother for 7 years (4 years ago I decided to reconnect because I am in a healthier place and felt I could handle her). She has been on 'good behavior' with me and yesterday she went into a monologue about a family member that triggered old shit in me. I couldn't hold my reserves any longer, I cut her off and spoke some truths to her that oddly enough she didn't react as cruelly as she used to. She did however tell me that my perspective was wrong and I responded somewhat calmly "you don't get to do that to me, you don't have the right to tell me my perspective is wrong, I won't let you invalidate me any more. If you don't agree with me then we agree to disagree but no more will you tell me my perspective is wrong." That was a HUGE victory for me! And she didn't hang up, instead she changed the subject and acted like it never happened. Woohoo, I had been avoiding telling her my truth but damn it felt good! And the best part was not letting her shit stay with me and realizing that her twisted reality is not mine.

[@elizagoodytwoshoes8348]

Karen Schatz Croll sounds very similar to my relationship with my mother and the last 12 years I thought she was showing some empathy and every now and then some insight, enough for me to believe that change is possible. I let my guard down because I wanted to believe she wanted to understand me as much as I wanted to understand her. I sacrificed my inner peace on the alter that is my mother, I should have put myself first.

[@ddoyle3856]

sounds like the dynamic i have with my mother. sounds like you handled it very well kudos to you. i can handle it sometimes but there are always weak moments & her poison seeps in... last time we talked she hung on me i called her back finished what i wanted to say but felt very rattled by it all. i'm already very low contact & now thinking to go complete NC.

[@casperinsight3524]

Went into her monolgue, haha 😂 LMAO funny but sooo True!

[@m.r.e.5731]

Woo hoo!!! Proud of you!

[@m.r.e.5731]

@@elizagoodytwoshoes8348 That is the hard part: your heart just wants to reach out and have a normal relationship and you let your guard down ...and you're always disappointed.

[@norobot801]

raced by 2 narc parents, I only can say : it's exactly as you say. gosh, sooooo true. absolutely brilliant. thanks a million!

[@kathrynharris3636]

Amazing! Thank you for your continued work regarding narcissistic abuse and toxic people. I needed this message today. You have no idea what a blessing you are.

[@karenmininni4962]

I saw a manipulator and an abuser around every corner initially. It became difficult to speak up when needed because I did not want to be the supply that others were manipulating. I still try to avoid most problematic people and stick with those more safe.

[@jennifergrove2368]

My jaw dropped when you said they will call hospitals and police. When I was trying to get away from my sexually abusive father my staying at my boyfriends house, I one time stayed all night. I turned my phone off because he kept texting and calling. I felt really guilty, and still am not sure if that was actually the right way of handling the situation on my end. But the next day when I called him that I was coming home, he yelled at me into the phone calling me a bitch and an asshole and that he called the hospitals and police all night long. I kept thinking that all parents would do this, and maybe some over protective parents do.. It's not uncommon to hear about over protective parents. But it never really clicked until now that it partially could have stemmed from him being a narcissist.

[@arthousetarot3025]

Yes. I used to be terrified of not going when I was called. If I did not go on command, my mother would verbally abuse me. She would say things that were so cruel and hurtful, that I would rather obey than hear the abusive verbal. I see where this comes from. Not only verbal abuse, but the silent treatment and punishments. My ex was like this. If I was not always responsive (not by purposely ignoring, but because I was busy) he would question what was so important that I did not reply. He would accuse me of being inconsiderate to him. Actually I was not always aware that he was getting in touch, because I was occupied. I started to do the same obeying behaviour, rather than hear any false accusations. I now ignore calls and texts if I do not want to reply at that moment. I make the personal choice. I was ridiculed and laughed at if and when I spoke up for myself or would get into a combative situation. Failure Projecting ideas of failing onto me was one of the ways to get me to obey. It is programming.

[@bobicus]

After 5 years, going no contact. been only a couples weeks since i blocked her. the saddest part to me is i still want to think she was the good person i saw she could be. but the things that actually happened show that people with this condition are delusional beyond repair.

[@louiseforde5502]

Thank you so much!! I did believe there were so many good people in the world and always wanted to see the good. Unfortunately, I didn't guard myself well enough and was in a marriage for 25 years with a narcissist that also became addicted and it is now 10 years later and I am still recovering. I lost trust in myself. I needed to hear this today.

[@justChrisjones]

With many narcs. It's total neglect , This is usual. They neglect you so much that when they call, your jumping into duty to them. It makes one a fool in love.

[@amberh3924]

This was just perfect! I've been on this journey and figuring out how to determine my reality...what's real here? It's exactly what I needed today. ❤️

[@findfaith1480]

Thank u Meredith, that's really essential to reinvent the real U! How we stop being ourselves and run to please the Narc, only fearing the punishments. Every time we forget that we also hv a right to survive. Truly I wish I had someone like u to convince me the facts of life sooner,I cud save many troubles ... Blessings survivors.

[@doubleghideout]

I am still waiting on the relationship where I am not used.

[@peasquiet4948]

Thank you so much, Meredith! I’m in the process of my breakthrough, just starting to see and understand all of this, and I believe God led me to your videos for more complete understanding of what I’m dealing with. It’s so painful but so liberating. Thank you again! *hugs*

[@heathermeyers4097]

I'm in love with this video already and I am only 2 minutes and 35 seconds in. You are explaining my life so well. Why I have put myself in harm's way or harmful situations to help others out (how I got an injury at work), how my mother was the interrogator and she tried to even ask (with my very first sexual partner) what positions we were having sex in (the only time I told her flat out it was none of her business), and even with managers and my landlord. My landlord came hollering outside my apartment the other day, and when I ran out she made it clear she was expecting rent (which wasn't due at the time) and I told her I didn't have it. She then proceeded to tell me the date, which she was wrong on so I corrected her. Her and I have had a falling out recently and it's because she is more narcissistic than I feel comfortable tolerating. Now I get to look ahead to a new and better life for my daughter, our pets, and myself. 🙂

[@sunshinedayz7032]

During a discussion about a misunderstanding with my bf, he became sarcastic because I was not giving up my opinion and boundary. I said that I could not talk about it anymore with him because of his sarcasm. I am still being ignored, it has been 2 days. No apology, no acknowledgement of his belittling behavior.

[@elizagoodytwoshoes8348]

nature girl if I had my time over I would work on respect, you shouldn't have to demand respect if someone loves you they should respect you enough to want to work things out. If I had had more respect for myself and placed more importance on learning that hey I'm ok and deserve more love not less, things would have been way different.

[@Etuffly]

He has shown you who he is. You should believe him. This will only get worse. Get out while you can.

[@lawrencemckeon6802]

"I'm sorry if you were offended." "Don't be so sensitive." "He's got his nose out of joint." "He's just going through a phase." I heard those a lot.

[@ElmoBiotech]

I’m sorry. I agree. (Seriously)

[@erinwheeler6772]

Thank You for this video.

[@truthl0ver777]

These are the exact type of things I need to hear. Thank you for these recovery videos. Perfect delivery and topic choices. I love it

[@ormorphe]

This is SO CLARIFYING!! Thank you for helping everyone let go of these toxic cling wraps

[@Josh-pe5pl]

Very useful! I jumped when my very kind mother wanted anything--from lighting her cigarette as she drove, to running for this or that and looking for this or that, to keeping her company when I could have been playing, to long phone calls every nite in college (sigh), to taking care of her when she aged. She went to her grave thinking that I thought she was wonderful--my greatest gift to her. BUT, Even tho she wasn't narcissistic, the end result was that I was attracted to narcissists. Mom WAS an emotional wreck due to a very sad life, and I 'jumped' for my own survival as scared little child, and developed the pattern then.

[@goodintentions1302]

Years ago I read a book about emotional incest. That sounds like what happened to you. It takes a toll... Wishing you, and everybody watching this, well. We're here because we've been hurt, or someone we care about, has been hurt this way.

[@Ursaminor31]

Omg, yes this brings it all back. The mother used to call out our names and we would have to go and find her, then she would say never mind. And ignore us. If we ever called out for her, she would say I can't hear you, and then we would have to go to her and she would make us feel like we had bothered and interrupted her. If we truly didn't hear her calling we would get left out, punished as she wouldn't ask twice. Always being punished. Goodness I hate here, for the lasting damage she has left. At 43 I'm still unraveling these programs.

[@kameamepopcorn9660]

Hi, don't worry it's a global issue. I'm French, and at 74 years old, my mother is twin with yours on this subject!

[@joolspools777]

I'm 54 and still trying to work around all this..

[@bombshellgirl8106]

Thank you for saying this comment. I had forgotten... my mom did the exact same thing. There are so many symptoms of Narc abuse, and for so long I just thought it was normal behavior for a parent. Now I’m realizing how many of her behaviors were not normal. It’s so encouraging to KNOW why I’m so screwed up. It’s not me. It’s her. It’s a relief to hear comments from other Narc abused people. THANK YOU.

[@leylinetarot]

My mom would always call us from the other room... we had to rush to her... but if we ever called for her name we'd get the response "do I look like a dog to you? " biiiiitch

[@kyram123]

It's like you know my ex husband! This was really helpful.

[@SteveWrightNZ]

Thank you!

[@davart311]

innocent until proven guilty mindset; for narcs you are guilty until proven innocent

[@mollymadeleine4676]

I was just recalling when my uNPD mom called the cops because I had my phone off and was asleep, therefore she couldn't contact me....in the span of like 3 hours. I was woken up to two cops at my door looking really annoyed they had to be there...sheesh.

[@romanastrasheim4895]

All true! Thank you.

[@vibekes2416]

Not everyone is narcs just because they are afraid if you don't answer the phone 😆😆 My mother is the sweetest mom in the world. But she always feel better and sleep better, if I call her after being on the road for a while 😄 That's called CARING 🤗😘 And LOVE Probably because I live alone. And I feel safe knowing that we have this bond. If something should happen to me, I know she will react. And call police or ambulance 😆

[@jemgem9593]

Thank you. So, so true X

[@goodnessofg-d1315]

Meanwhile I'm scrolling trough all female comments looking for a wife 😹

[@stellaryogatherapyarts7793]

Someone needs to make a vid on what to do wen mom has no income and has kids because u just can't leave these insaine people they will go as far as hiring a hit man we r not dealing with a human being we r dealing with demonic possession!!!!!! It's not easy like these vids say ,

[@emadd3451]

I know what you're talking about. don't be fearful. they want you to believe they are powerful. they a so poor they can't pay for a hitman. its a fear tactic. build yourself, get strong and leave very quietly.

[@skyblue4510]

StellarYogaArts do not leave without video and or picture proof of abuse.

[@analavenderspath3610]

I am so grateful to had found you on KZbin. Thank you so much for your videos. Many blessings sent your way.

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

I agree. She's a true blessing. I've just watched the first 3 minutes of the video and I can't handle how relatable this is! It's so relatable that it's painful and comforting at the same time.

[@analavenderspath3610]

You absolutely nailed it with your words!!

[@phoenixalbastru3706]

My mother in law would send me tens of messages all day long even though my husband told her not to. I get anxiety each time she text me! Ok she is wishing me the best and everything but still I do not want that.

[@user-ju1qd3ok2g]

Wisdom from Meredith. I am 55 years old. If I had seen your videos and had had 1 chat with you every month, when I was in my 30s.. to get my life in the right direction I would have avoided a lot of problems and made a lot of solutions for myself.

[@annenoir9409]

Meredith I dont know if you mentioned it in a video or not but i am currently (more or less successfully) on no contact with my ex narc. Due to children I have to see him every week. My no contact goes to the level that I dont speak one word but i have noticed you speak with your clothes, childrens clothes where my ex could still get some narcissistic rage out of (which he so much misses anyway). So it is important to wear nothing new he could envy and neither the children. I am currently even hiding my weight loss in order not to provoke any reaction from my ex narc.

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

Spot on. My neighbour would bang on my door then angrily on my window until I opened the door, it was always over useless crap such as the electric bill arriving which she could just post through the letterbox!!! It was all her anger and aggression and of course the jealousy directed at me and that sense of entitlement, how dare you not answer the door when I'm knocking. Not caring if I'm busy with something. My ex messages and then immediately phones if I haven't responded to his messages within a few seconds. However it's OK for him to ignore my messages. Today atleast 5 complete strangers asked about my health issues because I was asking for directions to the Drs surgery. I have finally stopped answering personal questions... Something which I didn't feel I had the right to keep my personal info personal...i just said "Why are you asking?" with a smile on my face and walked off. Notice their reaction, when people intrude they always react angrily, when they haven't business asking personal questions!

[@paulawilliamson637]

Thank you so much for becoming a therapist because I think you are brilliant and so good at explaining things and so clear and so helpful, you are a special person. I have recently started to understand that my mother is a narcissist, you have talked about things that are so familiar and distinct to my mother’s personality and her relationship with me. I have always wondered if both of my parents were having tendencies towards it. I was never able to shine in my family, it was always about them. I have also been having some issues with some very sensitive childhood memories, I remember being very young and thinking that I would have to put whatever was going on way down inside me until I was older. They are sexual in nature and I am wondering if you think it is something that is worth looking into or will it cause more trauma? I can’t tell anyone about it. I have thought about calling a crisis person. What is your opinion? Thanks again. You have been a very important part of my mental health. ❤️

[@larrycork1420]

I have trouble with confrontation and I sometimes feel like I am being gaslighted. I get the pain down in my gut, should I confront him on this and present why I feel that way .

[@erainalewis6092]

I feel not so crazy much confirmation in this video. about feelings in the body. the response of narc's when you don't jump..the anxiety behind speaking up projections... experiencing this with mom..gas light bull...I speak up causes a problem..

[@Anita.Bonghit]

Meredith!! I actually clapped several times during this lol. The way you worded everything was just perfect. I needed the permission you offered so so greatly. Thank You!!!

[@arthousetarot3025]

It's hard to see the difference between ghosting, manipulating, or just going away to process. There's a fine line. Sometimes they do both.

[@anara5570]

Thank you, the right words just at the right time! Last night my Narc.patents, with whom I have been having a no-contact situation for a while, informed me via my friend that if I do not respond, they will call police and notify them about me going missing. And this is happening despite me clearly letting them know before that no further communication is going to happen. Now they are bombarding my friend and demanding updates on me. My poor friend became a middleman and I am very sorry for exposing all of this ugliness to innocent people, but at this point, it is even more clear to me that no direct communication is going to happen.

[@dchan1108]

Wow... cannot believe how much I can relate to this

[@musictolily1]

I really enjoy your insight and find it thought provoking and helpful.... there is one objection....your constant referral to mothers not knowing their boundaries.... it is telling that you may have that problem.... but I think it is almost fashionable to be disrespectful to mothers .....I am mother ... I find that it is adult children who have difficulty learning respectful boundaries with their mothers... hope you will take this feedback constructively.... and make some adjustments to derogatory comments about mothers.... thanks

[@rhondamaza8598]

I think it is rude to not answer a call from your husband or wife and you if don't answer within a couple hours, they have a right to be worried especially if you usually answer.

[@kellihansen6446]

Thank you Meredith. I have had my mom call the police when I was taking a nap and would not get the phone so I totally understood what you were talking about. 👍❤

[@pn6528]

Me too! My narc cousin gathered a search party to look for me for hours while we were on an out of town trip. I was in our rental van taking a nap. I told her this before I went to take the nap. She always would create opportunites to make people think I was the crazy one. Even though most if not all people knew she was nuts(and would make this known to me privately) These MFs are bat shit crazy. If you are blessed to get away from these soul sucking demons, RUN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT BECAUSE IT DOES!!!!

[@kathyduda3884]

Thank you so much for your videos Meredith! Explains the guilt I have and anxiousness when I don't want to answer and feel the need to answer right away. Speaking up for myself has continually been paralyzing and anxious for me or not speaking up at all (why bother, going to get shot down, put down, dismissed or unheard anyway) and I know this is something that is so required. Thanks for the guidance on how to move forward. :) Work related issues (due to long time patterns since childhood throughout my life) this will be very helpful for if I can be sure to pause first. Thank you! :) Kathy

[@sharskyes4557]

Thank you. Finally a start to work on ending a pattern.

[@dandeliongreens4664]

Oh WOW! Both patterns, totally, totally me. I have a hard time not responding quickly to people or screening calls when the timing is bad for me. And definitely I struggle to speak up, assert my needs. Oh my, this is so me I am a bit stunned at the moment. I know I was raised by narcissistic parents but I still go into denial about that at times, this video erases all denial.

[@manjukannan2803]

Love this video ! 💯

[@stealthwarrior5768]

Narcissists often use violence. My mother would pull my hair and hit me almost daily because I didn't do all the house choirs perfectly at 10 years of age. When I was 16 she would hit me in front of my friends from school at the bus stop. Humiliating. One of those friends became my husband. We have been married 30 years and he learnt it was o.k. to be emotionally and physically abusive from her. She taught him it was acceptable to treat me that way. My husband has tried to destroy every single good occasion and dream I have had in life. I have completed a university degree and had a great career despite him hitting me to stop me from achieving these goals. I keep in mind that he probably would have hit me even if I had not achieved my goals and been his door mat LOL. It has only been in the last year I have discovered what a narcissist is despite doing marriage councelling twice. What a waste of time and money psychologists are. Thank you so much for your videos Meredith. You have made a great difference in my life

[@christianone6611]

Awww... Congratulations on your degree and hopefully on your divorce too. I wish you every happiness. May you find people who support your goals, and self-care rather than trying to crush them. You're very strong. Good luck.

[@reinajaay]

Thank you so much, Meredith. You are truly heaven sent. Your enlightenment has really helped me in tremendous ways. ❤️

[@vrtobold5082]

Is social isolation and avoidance another outcome? That is how I deal.

[@mgmail7279]

Yes, me too. I'm not sure how we learn to trust and want interaction again.

[@carlosproctor81]

Man this hit home! When I was a child we weren't allowed to respond to my mom's screaming our name from anywhere in the house, we had to instead drop everything and run to her side. We weren't allowed out in our front yard even in highschool, without permission from our parents as a form of control.

[@phoenix2consulting]

Ooof this one is so helpful and hard to hear. I have always jumped to action when someone asked for something at work and it never felt right but I couldn't help myself. Thank you for helping me to make this conscious! A new business associate is pulling some this crap on me and I am seeing it now immediately. It sucks because the work is something I really want but I am not sure I can handle this guy (CEO). Is there any way to keep going with eyes wide open in work and have a copesetic work environment? Uhg I think I know the answer.

[@greeneyes6430]

Your videos have been so very important. Thank you so much! I have a question. There are videos stating there is only one percent of the population that are narcissistic but I’ve read books that state the numbers of all Cluster B personality disorder are 25%. I think us targets of abuse and this topic needs to be talked about more and the true number of narcissist out there should be talked about more.

[@liammurphy2755]

I needed to hear this today

[@burntwash7]

It’s weird that you mention that about the phone calls. I just had someone do something very similar to me just the other day. Good stuff.

[@tennyc]

Can't stop crying , you nailed it ..

[@candykinseycom]

I feel like you did this for me. It is ringing true. Thank you so much for doing this. Your videos are really helping me. God Bless.

[@louisedevlin9730]

your videos are amazing. very insightful. thank you

[@glesiaful]

Omg, how did you know I just had this situation?.. with my sister-in-law.. She bombarded me with messages on what's up: gifs, films, pictures..And it was so unexpected cos we almost never texted each other or called and only saw each other on special occasions..So I felt overwhelmed and confused and eventually stopped responding ..I just couldn't keep up. And I' ve always suspected she had some kind of disorder ..narcissistic/borderline-ish. Finally she called..angry, blaming me for some things I allegedly did a long time ago, said she had an accident, that my brother , nephew and her sister are afraid of me. She was rambling on and on making herself a victim ...saying how we're the same, then how I'm attacking everyone, then how intelligent I am and how she feels she needs to be a mother figure for me....blaming my brother, then praising him...It went on for almost an hour. I'm still shaking it off.

[@CJ-jq4lv]

WOW just WOW, thank you

[@mariamistretta3860]

The best things to get away from a narrastic man. I keep reminding I don't have to answer all at once and it good that I value myself and find time for myself to. I always speak up for myself and stand up for myself. Setting boundaries is good. I agree not all people are that way good to be understanding to. I know right not everyone should asumse things. Respect is given not earn. People try to attack me or reverse things. I walk away from these people. Not sorry I stand up for myself.

[@Tsiskoko]

This is exactly what I'm working on right now! I've always had a tendancy to just completely explode once I reach my limit, and I'm realizing it comes from feeling pressured to "answer", and I don't express my boundaries well. It's hard to sort out whether people are human with a few poor qualities or toxic. Having boundaries helps so much. I actually didnt know what my boundaries were before and something I figured out is that I'm allowed to change my mind, allowed to make up a boundary and see how I feel about it, allowed to change the boundaries I make if they no longer work for me.

[@noellerenee7441]

Thank you so much, Meredith! I thought I was the only one that had my Mom threaten to call the police when I didn't immediately answer her texts! Your channel has been SO helpful to me and I'm starting my healing process now. I'm hoping that at the age of 48 I can try to re-design my life the way I want it to be.

[@natasha6697]

What if you have a landlord that slanders you to other sources except you are not able to leave immediately?

[@katslondon1]

I grew up with a passive narcissistic mother, not overtly aggressive, appeared a victim, soft spoken, never raised her voice, but used projection of her feelings onto her kids, singled out two as the golden kids who could do no wrong and naturally they were always on side with her when she attacked in the psychological sense - false accusations - the silent treatment - etc., then placing myself and older brother in the position of surrogate parents in a chaotic household. My older sister was the more aggressive bully type of narcissist, always making demeaning comments, physically abusive, looking down on us as if she were superior, using us as babysitters, then distancing us because we were beneath her. After living far away from family for years, I returned to my home town and could observe more objectively. I got anxious when my older sister was coming to visit. If it took me two minutes to get down from my apartment to meet her at the foyer, she'd sneer and say 'here she comes, the slow one'. If I didn't answer her calls immediately no matter what time of day or night, she say, 'you can forget about people you know', she'd arrange to meet me in a specific location, then call to ask 'where are you', I'd say 'where we planned to meet', she'd say 'well I'm at your home, I told you it was difficult to park in the location we were' meeting' as if I were to read her mind, that it meant she be waiting at my home. If I moved a glass on the table, she said in a demeaning tone 'what are you doing'! that suggested I was doing something stupid. he was behind their falling out. It was cruel and destroyed all the relationships in my family. The worst of her behaviour was the 'triangulation' causing huge arguments between all of our siblings and not one of them understanding that sEventually I caught on, through the terrible anxiety I felt every time she'd arrange to meet, or call. I eventually told her in no uncertain terms where to go. I never spoke up for myself, because she' either sneer or become extremely aggressive. Now I speak up, respectfully to anyone who has offended me and we work through it, that was tough the first time, I did tell myself a story about how it was going to end and I was wrong. I don't answer any texts or calls if I'm not in the mood, if I'm tired, of busy, until I have the time. I still do too much out of anxiety, but I'm getting there, I work too hard, I almost always say yes, if someone invites me anywhere, but am learning to say no when I'm really not in the mood and needless to say, I have no contact with my sister. I like the breathing space I now have to explore who I am without this domineering and spiteful presence in my life. On reflection I can see how my sisters narcissistic behaviour impacted my life even after moving away, no confidence, fearful of speaking up, always trying to please everyone and getting used and abused in the process. Not any more. Keep reading and looking at youtube presentations on this subject, there's a lot to learn and it takes time, but it's worth it. I understood very well in the end, that the very worst punishment you can inflict on a narcissist is to totally ignore them, starve them of their need to destroy. My sister has run out of people to bully and manipulate and she is left to deal with the thoughts she's been running away from all her life.......that she is not the clever, undetected spiteful person that she thought she was and no one to punish for being found out.

[@janetobin4372]

"Priming "is in adult relationships. Pathogenic beliefs etc.. formed from fright without a solution on attachment. Psycological soul entrapment is due to others trauma where they primed you to have aniexty

[@chauphammatser3011]

This information has come at the perfect time for me, when this exact thing just happened! At work, I spoke up for myself and got attacked and verbally bullied. And this explains exactly what is going on, and how I need to stop interacting with this person from now on. Thank you for your help Meredith!

[@heyoka3202]

So simple, so obvious, so helpful. Thanks for that very useful hint. I am well recovered by now but answering straight away used to be a traid of mine.

[@mehlani111]

Great tips! Thank you♡ also love that you gave mantras!!

[@janicekay6148]

Funny you should say about Speaking up for myself. As an Adult( living on my own) my NARC mom had sent me a letter about an issue that occurred with 1 of my (adult) Siblings. She wrote her opinion on the matter. And I (speaking up for myself...own thoughts/opinions) corresponded mom My opinion on the issue. RESULT: My mom did not Speak to me for 7 yrs. TALK ABOUT SILENT TREATMENT! WHOA NELLY!

[@rajuji1405]

Wow , you are spot on !! It's nice that you are helping people who have no clue what Happened to them !!

[@sunnydaye5942]

Very eye opening and helpful video. Thank you very much for posting it. I always feel like I have to jump for others no matter what I am doing. Now I know why.

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

You forgot to mention the narc who plays the sympathy card or breaks down in tears after you assert a boundary.

[@MygirlsGJPB]

When I was younger if I had to talk to a superior at work I would almost always get a catch in my throat and have teary eyes because I was so frightened of authority figures