Childhood PTSD and Obesity: Interview with Mary Giuliani

[@rosiemorrison119]

Thank you both for taking the time to inform survivors 🙏🙂🌸💕🌷 I tend to binge eat on junk food. And only realized over the past few years why I did this and now I really try to eat healthy foods when I eventually get up in the morning I plan my 2-3 meals for the day if I don't I just don't eat sometimes have to be prompted to eat I just forget. I totally get it about how we replace one addiction for another, I stopped smoking and began eating. Thank you Anne and Mary 🙂💕🌸🌈☀️🙂💕🌸🌈☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌷🙏🌈🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌷🙏🙂💕🌸

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I think there's an opportunity to do more around CPTSD and weight. What do you think would be the ideal video to create on that?

[@nicolemarie6273]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy For me, it’s motivation and, perhaps more importantly, recognizing and taking ownership of my value and that it’s a good investment in me. I know the benefits; I need to believe I’m worthy of them, plus all the good that can come with them, just for me.

[@mandikim]

My mother had me raise my two sisters, beginning when I was 8-years old throughout high school. I went to school, but afterwards, I cooked, cleaned, cared for, taught homework and strived, for many years to be appreciated, feel loved or be hugged. I was overweight by the age of 10. I was picked on by kids at school because I was “fat.” I didn’t have friends because I couldn’t play. I considered my sisters as my children and still call them “the kids”; they are 2 and 5 years younger than me. I held a grudge (still do, am working on it) against my middle sister because she was dropped by my mother when a baby, due to a toy I left out and she grew up “slow”; with a learning disability. I was blamed for that, and wore that burden my entire life. That was the hook Mother used on me, guilting me to care for “my” mistakes. My grudge against my sister was she was lazy and a tattletale and caused me many spankings, much to her chagrin. I’m 47-years old and I now know I have had PTSD all these years. I’ve been in counseling consistently, weekly, for a year. I’m finally understanding my mother was a narcissist and how I was abused by her and how to heal. I have had a weight problem my entire life and am just now handling the adrenal fatigue and watch my hormone responses. Thank you for bringing this connection to people’s attention. It’s so odd how we discover these things through the determination of self reformation.

[@laurenpaterson3475]

Amanda Kim have you read heal your life Louise hay she talks about affirmations to heal things like addiction

[@ChuangSarah]

Amanda Kim, same here. My younger sisters are 8 & 10 years younger than me. My mother is a narcissist, too. She & my father made me take care of my sisters since they were infants. I never had a chance to have a normal childhood & teenage-hood

[@laseret1]

Dear Amanda offering compassion and kindness for all you have suffered. You deserved to have a childhood and to be lovingly cared for. All the best with your commitment investment in you via therapy.

[@froggy8030]

I am a comfort eater and in my 20's when I tried to overcome it. I found I replaced it with comfort shopping. Quitting cold turkey is not the answer. If you don't get emotionally right and heal on the inside first. You ou will just go from crutch to crutch

[@ChuangSarah]

I was also shamed by my narcissistic parents & brother whenever I expressed my emotions & physical needs. My parents actually gaslighted me into believing that I was selfish if I ate the food on the table without asking if anyone else wanted the food. If someone wanted the food, I should give him/her the food first. If I just ate the food when I was hungry, I was being selfish. However, my parents never laid those strange, cult-like rules to my siblings. How ironic that I'm the only one among my siblings struggling with weight.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, it runs deep!

[@toots810usa6]

Thank you for this validation!! I call my mom a food nazi....she had so many rules around food and what we could or could not bring into the house. She would drop me off at the laundromat at 8 yrs of age and tell me if I did the laundry, she would buy me a McDonald's cheeseburger. She was a vegetarian and I would do ANYTHING for a cheeseburger, but then I would feel so much guilt afterwards. Then she would take me to doctors and say stuff like "I don't know what to do with her she is a binge eater". Ugh. I moved out of her house at 16 just so I could eat what I wanted, and then I ate everything in the universe.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yeah, I get it!

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

Ah, when Mom says, (w/teenage eyeroll!) "Omg you're hungry again, aren't you?" In public. Volume up a couple notches. Then they food train you like a dog in private. Or in your case, at the laundromat.

[@cotter9751]

I think I watched this first time when I found Crappy Childhood Fairy maybe 9 months ago. I came back today because I know I'm ready to hear this. So grateful for the resource KZbin can be, numerous enlightening postings from Crappy Childhood Fairy!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Amazing you remembered the video from 9 months ago, thanks for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@traceyarnaud8433]

I switched to food as my drug of choice once I had children and had cleaned up the binge drinking, etc. and I have discovered that it is more difficult to monitor my behavior around food than it ever was to stop using alcohol or other substances. I have problems with moderation, and well, we do have to eat.

[@sarahcrawford3480]

I can relate on all levels. 9/2016 I started a healthy life style change with kaiser. I was 250+ lbs today I bounce between 175-180. Trying to get back down to 165. I was raised by a stepmom that tried to turn me into someone I wasn’t and I rebelled with food then as the abuse got worse and I got older stress and anxiety got worse more food I ate. I was as heavy as 287lbs & at 45 when I was told I was in 70% rage of having a heart attack or stroke along with other health issues I change my life style.

[@sumari972]

Hi Anna, it was good to point out in the video that food is a solution, and even if not the "self-minded" kind, i.e. healthy, still the body gets the best out of it. It is so important to see the good part of it - people struggling with blame and shame, they learned to take care of their own - by eating. Nobody would blame a little baby for being heavy, and greedy about food, would you? So for lots of people with overweight, food is self-love. Eating is an act of self love. Actually, they could really harm themselves on multiple direct ways. Some of them oneways... But they simply take care of their mood and needs, doing something that let them feel empowered and self-focused. And caring. If everybody takes a second before they put something in their mouth to feel the power of saying, "yeah, I am able to provide myself with food, and that's great. I can do this, and do it for myself"... well that would be another piece of trading the shame for a much better feeling. And that is what works, anyway.

[@mariaaldrete1347]

You are a Godsend Anna!!!!!! Thank you for clearly explaining!!!!!

[@SusannaSaunders]

Respect for learning to cope with that... That is so hard to achieve!

[@pachamama8586]

Great-content-interview - yet again!! Thank you so much for doing this work for all of us here in this childhood cPTSD community Anna, and all the best to you, always!!

[@DeanRendar]

I'm not used to people being kind before or after weightloss and just want to escape anyones preconceived notions of my past or present self, and it always seems like their minds are already made up about my potential. I try to start a new somewhere fresh and I wrongly assume they see me for my past and underestimate my sensibility or see me now currently and assume I would be more assertive, when in reality I'm too confused and stand offish because I assume to them I'm naive and vulnerable and have current PTSD learning to enjoy myself while including new people in fear of what they assume I've learned (or not learned) on handling others.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hope you can detach a bit from what others think. You might want to learn my Daily Practice so you can start unpacking all that fear what other think, and be freer to have your own opinions, your own path. You'll find it on my courses page at crappychildhoodfairy.com

[@jennifermontgomery7044]

wow. your information answers some many questions. thank u so much

[@caleshaboston]

I was blessed to not have a weight problem growing up so I never gave too much thought about what I ate or how I looked. Until I turned 13, I lived with foster parents who I hated with every cell in my body. My foster mother was always saying to me (even though I was quite petite even as a teenager) I could be smaller, do you know how many calories is in that, etc. She also always blamed me about how she no longer can go the gym because of me. As a result, I’m now 30 & eating unhealthy foods is my act of rebellion & hate the body I’m in

[@wordivore]

My serious weight gain didn't happen until I was in my late 40s. I had two traumatic events happen a year apart from each other and I ate my way through both of them. I also drank a lot. I just didn't care about myself. I was out of body most of that time and have had a helluva time recovering. Don't get me wrong. I was traumatized as a child. I think those two aforementioned events were catalysts and triggers. But I have always been a junk food junky. It's just that my metabolism was much better at handling it. I went through a year, maybe two where I was only a little over weight in elementary school but that was it. I was never skinny but I was pretty average. Now that I've started turning the train around though, I am having difficulty with getting the weight I've gained in the last 5-7 years to come off. Which isn't so surprising since I'm in my 50s and my digestion is a mess right now too.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yeah, I think weight gain in the 40s is common AND trauma triggers weight gain. Doube trouble

[@zacetto]

I can exactly remember when my father’s myriad abuse and cohesive control focused (no….more diversified) on my weight. I had just finished serving mass as an alter boy, looking forward to the cooked ham and fresh boiled vegetables for Sunday lunch, confused as to why each time I glanced at him, he glowered with contempt. Outside the assault began, even with him going so far as to pull my shirt up and bear my stomach to a group of girls who attended my school. My most formative years were ones of terror, trying to avoid the next punitive beating, belittlement or trying my best to appease him, an angry god who demanded blood sacrifice, but would forever renege on any promised harvest. I was not a fat child but my loving father made me insecure enough to fulfil that prophecy. He even pulled me aside at a scout camp, because he witnessed a morbidly obese child. The sight of which disgusted him so much, he took it out on me, repeatedly calling the child by my name, to prove a point. The fact he also witnessed me come first in five race events before hand, held no sway - you can imagine how he treated me when I came second. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him and he tried to live vicariously through me, myself coming second at being me, not first at being him. Food indeed became psychoactive for me, so much so, I eschewed smoking, drinking and recreational drugs as I knew I would be doomed if I became dependent on them, too. The irony is, you will see many geriatric smokers, drinkers and even drug abusers, but no elderly fat people. Nothing kills you faster than the blubber. I was diagnosed with C.C.P.T.S.D. at the age of 46 and joining the dots, learned the awful reality. How the development of the brain is atrophied by childhood abuse and his blatant cohesive control. The revelation was the most hateful horror story I encountered. I celebrated my 50th birthday with an emergency appointment at my doctors, where I learned I have type II diabetes. A visit to the eye sight clinic has identified life changing problems with my sight. I am missing my culinary self medicating immensely and do not know how to cope…..I wish my Ma was still alive. My wildly successful brother met with me recently and commented how my father ‘felt very wounded’ that I want nothing to do with him. I sincerely hope when you go to Hell, dad, your damnation be having to grow up with a father like yourself, hating your childhood and self- loathing, disastrous life. How could you? To your own son….

[@infernafirestein]

Excellent interview. Certainly resonates with me! Thanks. ❤️

[@Headsign]

I think a lot is said about obesity and very little about being underweight. As the first problem seems more obvious and the last, for many at least, enviable, underweight is often regarded as a non-issue. I have CPTSD and was seriously underweight and I know there are many like myself. It is a serious problem that usually goes along with low energy issues and many other problems, maybe specially for boys and later men who are expected to be strong and 'well built'. Many who suffer from CPTSD have a variety of eating disorders which are not always overeating.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for waking me up about that. I'll try to learn more!

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

Very wise well said

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@MinkasTNR]

Great video.

[@cristin794]

Great video! Thanks.

[@krystle4844]

I just found this channel and this is the first video I watched. I learned so much in a short time from you and Mary talking. Oh boy, this is going to be a lot for me! But I'm subscribed and excited!

[@bjmessex]

I have always said the blowfish is my spirit animal. I have gained and lost over 75 lbs 4 separate times.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, thanks for watching!

[@helmamaagdeleyn6549]

This was amazing! So thankful for this discussion. ❤

[@jmarie1959]

Thank you so much for this! It brought some theories I had full circle. I love your channel and have been binge watching when time permits!

[@jordansthoughts54]

I’m two years late! Would’ve loved the take the course! Great video.

[@vanessamclennan1]

Food is used as a comforting drug but also a weapon against children. It's hard to work though, but it certainly is possible.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Very complicated relationships many of have with food.

[@MalteseKat]

I was being starved when a child. I looked skeletal until my late twenties. Now in my 60's I'm fat.

[@moondog7694]

Were you still starved by your parents in your late twenties? Were you still living at home with your parents in your late twenties or early twenties? At what age did you move out of their home? Did you have a job, even a part-time one after age 18, to buy some food, or did your parents confiscate your money, or did they keep you housebound and not let you get a job?

[@coralecho2485]

@@moondog7694 Wow so many questions, that can make a person uncomfortable.

[@patcheslove5139]

I had several reasons for overeating . 1st as a child I was sexualyassulted by several funny uncles & older cousins . Then , at age 6 & 1 half , my dad died . We had moved into a tiny travel trailer due to his illness and left our home . When I was told of his death , I denied it. At the funeral I was forced to look at his body & touch it...... The wake was held at the house where we no longer lived. Back at the trailer park 1 of the funny uncles moved in with us & our 2 dogs . Thank God that didn't work out , but then along came Mr c beating & banging on the door yelling for Helen to let him in. Precluded by mother driving up really fast yelling for my brother & I to get in the house now . We did She slammed the door & locked it . The little tiny trailer just shook as he beat on it. We were terrified , but she finally opened the door and let a 6 ft 5 3/4 giant in . Our daddy hadn't been dead a month when Mr c moved in & moved us about 100 miles away from home . Course the dogs died 1st mine then my dads hunting dog. His first move on me was less than a month later . Grooming anyone . ..

[@patriciaryan2134]

You poor innocent child. Sending a hug

[@ASMRCHARLIE]

If I feel bad and low I HAVE to eat or else I get crazy and die. After I ate I feel good again and calm.. But I have obese.. I wanna loose 25 kilos but if I try and loose weight I stop.. I have to eat and feel comfy again being fat. It sux!!! Never understand why.. Thank u so much for this video 💕😮 these years for me is about healing and this is one of them.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Oh good. I think this is a challenge for a lot of us.

[@godswarrior2952]

I'm having a tough time and consciously going to Burger King to help me get through my move 😔 In the past two years I've lost 100lbs and have been keeping it off for the most part but I'm very much aware food is a drug and I'm using it now for that purpose trying not to shame myself. I'm moving away from a trigger so I try to forgive myself because there's hopefully a better life on the other side.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Hang in there. The up and down pattern is totally normal, if if you keep with it, things gradually move toward freedom!

[@hkin518]

hi dear! thanks for sharing this video. especially liked that Mary recommended Bessel v der kolks book - its such a good read. Do you recommend any other articles relating obesity and adverse childhood experiences? found fellitti so far but would like to educate myself more.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Hi Lukka, thanks for your comment! For more info about obesity and ACEs, the first place to go is Mary Giuliani's website -- marygiuliani.net. Lots of info and resources. She's wonderful.

[@rebeccamiles4119]

My dad made my four sisters and me get on the scale . He’d laugh at us and say, the best way to lose weight is to just stop eating. The damage was unbelievable. I never knew a day in my childhood when he wasn’t high, drunk or both.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, that's awful. Sorry.

[@HelenDriggers-lm2cj]

Thanks for sharing this from one fellow human being to another fellow human being crappy child hood fairy have a blessed day and night and have a blessed life love Aunt ❤️ Helen Marlene driggers and family and friends I'm Divinely led to help another fellow human being child of God and family and friends I have phropphetess written down in my journal entry

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Always nice to see you here, Aunt Helen Marline Driggers.

[@gwenscott535]

Not my fault but my responsiblity to heal...I like that.

[@catherinecxw2101]

I think I heard you refer to yourself as Anne Arundel; you must be from Annapolis (my high school)!

[@MinkasTNR]

♡♡♡

[@catherinemcdade9518]

Dear Holly Rhea. Are you the measuring stick for correctness? I have found this information to be invaluable and I'm sure for those who don't, there will be other resources which will.

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

That 3rd reasons a doozy! I was never sexually assaulted or anything severe like that, but with helicopter parenting, I was never going to "make it" in the world, anyway. Bc "Look, she can't even keep her weight down". The sexually targeted might wear fat like armor. I wore it like an alibi. Of course I'm not successful, I "can't stop eating" and I "don't have the discipline to exercise". My helicopter mom "knows" this to be true bc she's observed it every day of my piggy little life. Hope she's proud of herself bc she's obviously not proud of me. 🤡

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here, thanks for watching :)

[@knowledgeberakah1728]

Im the fat bullied kid n played it safe

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here :)

[@knowledgeberakah1728]

​@@CrappyChildhoodFairyi had a stroke 2yrs ago n i lost 250lbs.i think that stroke saved me.i forgave everyone n became raw vegan

[@atis9061]

Why only women? Men have these issues as well.