12 Common Symptoms of CPTSD From Childhood

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

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[@pheyup33]

I’m currently 52 years of age, I’ve been to 4 war zones throughout my military career. I’ve been shot at, blown up, and seen things that no one should have to see. None of this has really ever bothered me much, the experiences rarely cross my mind. But the abuse I went through as a child, crosses my mind on a daily basis.

[@nuffers123]

Bless you.

[@mineplow1000]

Military and the sandbox was one of the few places I felt I "worked," at. This place here...not so much.

[@christopherclements4959]

We love you

[@PamelaColor]

So true!

[@davewolfy2906]

A lot of squaddies with PTSD joined the army with it.

[@victoriakelley3553]

Is anyone else here with CPTSD realizing how strong and resilient they were as a kid or teen and how weak , confused, and vulnerable they feel like as an adult ? It’s like we didn’t feel anything until now and wish we had that shell from before.

[@wisenfunny]

Perfect 👍😁

[@andi5852]

wow, you nailed it!!

[@toddratisseau-k3j]

totally on the money

[@wej0w]

Hmm this makes a lot of sense, as we grow up thinking its normal to constantly keep our guard up for whatever was the case. Now there is no need anymore to keep that guard up so it feels unsafe. But yea there are so many things I remember myself just pushing through as a kid and now I cant figure how to do it.

[@iainwark6801]

Yea spot on kids are so resilient I pushed it down and it hit me with a vengeance when I hit puberty

[@JoesWebPresence]

I was bullied, psychologically tortured and repeatedly physically assaulted by my highly respected headmaster when I was 8. Nobody doubted it was happening. It was done in front of the whole class, including my older sister, but in spite of there being many witnesses to this unprovoked violence, I was repeatedly told that I must have done something to deserve it. I finally snapped, punched him in the face and ran away. This was 1978 in the UK, so my headmaster was beyond reproach and I was obviously the problem. A social worker who I met for 15 minutes decided that I needed to be sectioned to a children's psychiactric facility. I was locked up there for more than six months before they decided there was nothing at all wrong with me. I was sent to a new school, where I wasn't terrorised and got on fine. Sadly, I had developed serious issues with authority and rebelled at every chance. In my teens I became violent and withdrawn, soon ending up in trouble with the law. I went into the reform school system and just kept rebelling. I even spent a month in adult prison at the age of 14. I was told I had a chip on my shoulder which they needed to knock off, and regularly assaulted by them too. I was subjet to the short sharp shock initiative, the pindown regime and the brutality of 1980s juvenile delinquent institutions. It was similar to Jimmy Boyle's book "a sense of freedom' but with a child. I've NEVER thought it was my fault. I've been repeatedly assaulted and psychologically damaged by adults who thought they knew best and were never held to account. Much of what they did to me was state approved doctrine at the time. The damage to my life by being brutalised and treated as an enemy of the state from the age of eight is incalculable. However, my deep mistrust of authority has served me well. Respect is earned, and so is our deep and lasting DIS-respect. I've grown up with a healthy disrespect for those in authority, and a clearer understanding of the unjust, arbitrary and self serving nature of the state, and all those widely respected institutions in our society. Damned straight it wasn't my fault. It was the fault of those who naively trusted these institutions and allowed an eight year old child to be brutalised and institutionalised by them. Branded a trouble maker because they couldn't admit that a respected old teacher nearing retirement could be doing all this for his own sadistic pleasure, and that it was their responsibility as adults to protect me from him, and from being fed into the machinery of the state. They are all dead now, and I've had to make the best of a bad hand. Coming to terms with what happened was long and difficult, with no help sought or offered. Everyone, my sister included could see how wrong it was with hindsight, and everyone would be outraged if this happened to a child today, but to them, it was still somehow all my fault. That somehow, I deserved it for disagreeing or answering back, and that was just a bad kid who got what he deserved for not annoying teacher. My highly skeptical outlook on people in positions of power and trust is a direct product of this society, and objectively, maybe that's not such a bad thing. I hope there are more people out there with the same outlook, willing to stand up to people in authority and speak truth to power.

[@JoesWebPresence]

Worn out@@momomccaslin6890 but not defeated. I don't know how much healing you've been able to do, but from one survivor to another, I hope and pray that you are able to move past it all. If you can go home after your upcoming court date and get on with living, whatever the outcome of the case, then you have already won.

[@praisejesus0406]

I just now read your post you wrote 2 months ago and I just felt I needed to say how much your story touched me. I have a portrait of myself at about 2 yrs old, bright redheaded self, I am not smiling, (I think I needed a nap 😊) I look at her and tell her "it was not your fault!" I tell her how smart she is and how strong she needed to be for the traumatic future she would endure. I used to tell people God must have given me a resilient spirit, but now after years of self-examination, and retrospection of childhood events, I see why I could never connect with anyone in my life and how easy it has been to let people go or for me to walk away...it wasn't resilience that helped me survive, it was and is my deep seated need to be unphased by people and their garbage...I just have always pulled away from people just before or shortly after they hurt me....I don't believe in healing...I am clueless to what that even means...what is normal? What does that even look like? You can glue a broken plate back together but the evidence of its brokenness will remain forever...just like us. I am 61 and I no longer strive to "heal" I am learning to accept my brokenness and be at peace with my past ..I have stopped trying to please others....finally. God bless you on your continued journey❤

[@kristinasampson9516]

​@@praisejesus0406THIS. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. BLESS YOU. YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HAVE HELPED ME. TEARS OF JOY. THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[@arlenerivera-gw4st]

Peace comes from isolation. It's not like anyone really misses us once we do isolate completely, we've been building the roadway there for years and years.

[@januarysummer1285]

This!!

[@Lizzy00088]

Beautifully said and accurate.

[@fionaginsbury9633]

I have threats of rape from the Anglacan Church in Kent U.K two women ganged up against me and recored me being sarcastic and making out I lied. I am get help now. But I don't Know I and well enough to remember conversations in sight of the lies from the Church of England. They will pay ! Please pray thst my abusers are suspended and kicked put of their job.

[@feliciahackett3653]

I was sexually abused as a young child. Then sent to a Christian boarding school. Married at 13, divorced and remarried at 15. I don't have the life I want at 66, and often feel like I want to just be alone with myself. I'm never alone. Now I am constantly cleaning up after my husband who seems oblivious to the messes he makes. He does not respect what I say. He drives me absolutely nuts with the things he does and I believe he's OCD in his older age. He starts projects and months or years later he may finish. I live my life like I want to scream most of the time.

[@lifeisbannanas]

Plus I feel safe in isolation

[@rocky1raquel]

1. Do you struggle with attention, memory, or focus? 2. Do you space out or feel numb when faced with decisions or try to talk about your feelings? 3. Do you have trouble regulating intense emotions? (Ex: outbursts of anger or intense sadness when it doesn’t seem appropriate.) 4. Do you have conflicts with family, friends, coworkers or partner? 5. Do you avoid social engagements because being around people is just too triggering? 6. Does the fear of abandonment or being alone cause you to stay in negative relationships? (Not necessarily romantic ones.) 7. Do you find yourself attracted to unavailable, abusive, or destructive people? 8. Have you suffered with depression, anxiety or other mental health issues? 9. Do you smoke, use food, drugs or alcohol in an addictive way? (Self-medicating) 10. Are you overweight or struggle with over-eating? 11. Do you have unexplained health problems with no clear cause? 12. Do you feel that you are unexplainably separate from others?

[@Ch50304]

Thanks for this. I needed it.

[@That_Handle]

Thank you for creating the list. I'm offering up for consideration an additional addictive/maladaptive soothing behavior: 9) addiction to or self-medicating by way of limerence if not also consummation of limerence.

[@niamhmrosullivan]

"1. Do you struggle with attention, memory or focus?" Me; missing most of this video as I keep hopping to the comments, other apps on my phone, my dog, what I need to do today.......🤣 Thank you for the summary!

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Thanks!

[@x-mess]

#12 stopped me in my tracks....

[@bryanmiller8604]

13. You find it impossible to love yourself, & believe you deserve to suffer for merely existing, due to your weakness of not being able to “just get over it, & be normal!”

[@sueshaw8028]

Yes🫂

[@hungariangiraffe6361]

Hey! I came here to portray the C-PTSD of the protagonist in my writing more realistic, not to be called out like that!

[@carotha64]

Yes. My husband just yelled at me that the reason I’m depressed and don’t have friends is because I drive them away with my depression and my negativity. My response is to feel hopeless that I have a horrible personality that no one wants to be around, and that I will never be loved as myself, so life isn’t worth living. I developed dysautonomia because of my CPTSD, and my symptoms are now so severe that it looks like MS. I feel like I am encased in three feet of mud that no one can see. So I’m fighting against this mud just to move my arms and legs, and I get so exhausted, and the pain is intense. I’ve had MRIs and CT scans, blood tests, labs, barium swallow, everything is NORMAL. Yet I can’t eat without severe pain (as if I have poisoned myself), it feels like food is always stuck in my throat, I feel drunk and dizzy… I don’t know what to do. I can barely function, and no one believes me or understands. My husband thinks I’m lazy. I’m trying so hard to have hope, but it’s awfully hard to see any bright side.

[@scarletchase9913]

@@carotha64 Hey.. how are you doing now..? I feel the same way, but except it's my parents in place of your husband .. I honestly feel like I could make things better .. but I just don't want to .. everyone's so fed up of me.. and I'm pretty much fed up of everyone too, especially myself .. I don't even want to marry anyone even though it's a sin .. I just don't know if I can handle anyone, or if they can handle me .. so you can tell why I'm pretty proud of you

[@rainorshine7816]

@@carotha64sounds like a spiritual crisis

[@barry1369]

Did anyone else feel like they were about to be killed when a teacher shouted at them at school

[@tinalight7106]

I feel like that when anyone shouts at me still today.

[@KoolT]

Depending oh how much they weighed. But yes, he was huge with big PADDLE.

[@bonghitsandheavyriffs]

in customer service jobs, whenever someone would go off & yell at me or be very confrontational, i would start uncontrollably shaking & stuttering with a racing heart... never connected the dots until Anna's videos.

[@monicaromero7001]

I had a teacher pick me up and shake me because I was crying for struggling with math

[@lilvalentine545]

absolutely!

[@wallacemoore2398]

Being alone and not worrying about feelings keeps me safe. No one can hurt me!

[@lifeisbannanas]

Or violate your boundaries

[@daliamontoya2783]

Yes I feel at peace now that I live on my own. No man or so call friend can hurt me

[@DeJaVuCa]

Being in a highly religious state of psychopaths leaves me happy I'm not one of them!! I'm happy I broke the fanatic cycles 😊 Foundations of joshPowell, rubyFranke, loriVallow,, chadDaybell & so many more

[@wolfling2039]

That’s a lie from the enemy.

[@wallacemoore2398]

@@wolfling2039 ?

[@cloaked.mystic]

Someone give this woman an award. This is paradigm shifting at it's finest ❤

[@e.raymond9294]

Knowing things has been life changing many times for me.

[@shellieperry4516]

@@e.raymond9294 And knowing Is Half the battle. (1970s reference)

[@Masquaradethewriter]

​@@shellieperry4516 80s 😂

[@amandawilcox5106]

@@Masquaradethewriter Points to you. The 1987 GI Joe movie (again in the 2010-ish remake). However the sentence is, I think, a paraphrase itself.

[@cynthiafleisch7078]

Agreed!!!....I've had a lot of time to think through some of my behaviors throughout my life and knew that my childhood had a great deal to do with it....But WOW!....It was as if this woman knew just about every problem I have. I am going to continue with this...I am 64 but it would be nice to experience life a little differently.

[@annahailliebrown7041]

I was bullied by my sister and mother at home, I got blamed for things I didn’t do, and I was bullied at school. I had nowhere safe to go except inside my head, so I’m scarily good at compartmentalizing in emergencies and staying completely calm. Survival is my life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand as few others can. You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@44mariad]

Same

[@ascgazz]

I love emergencies, it’s imposed activity.. It’s being left alone for years on end that’s screwing me now.

[@river7874]

It's always been strange to me. I can't handle the daily doldrums, the minor stuff drives me insane. But absolute chaos and danger? I feel comfortable, like I'm right at home. It's so messed up.

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

@@ascgazz my 2nd husband gave me a mug with a frazzled cartoon person saying "I can handle stress, it's money love and power that get to me."

[@samr8603]

The worse thing is knowing that we have had our lives and potential stolen from us. I am nearly 50 and now after discovering Narcissism and my seriously dysfunctional family only beginning to heal. But the stolen years, the stolen joy, the stolen moments of pride and amusement have all been taken by the abuse I went through and still experiencing to this day.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

But the focus is to heal because healing is possible and it feels amazing. If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@mywifesboyfriend5558]

​@CrappyChildhoodFairy I wish it were that simple. I wish I could heal. It's hard to forgive yourself for those things, and even harder for others to forgive it. Some things can't be let go. And their forgiveness matters, because we have to live amongst them. It's a horrible thing living as a social pariah.

[@rocky1raquel]

@@mywifesboyfriend5558 limiting beliefs can be broken and rewired in the brain, just saying

[@dimtucas359]

Get the abusers out of your life. God bless you

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

I'm nearly 68, and only admitted to myself 2 years ago that my parents and several other loved ones have been gaslighting me all along. Now I'm trying to find ways to comfort my parents who want desperately to believe everything is fine as their health fades. I don't think any good can come of confrontation, but I have to manage this without self betrayal. So far flattery and misdirection are my secret weapons. Mom and Pop are awesome in many ways. When they want to remember that I never really minded my childhood nickname, Maggot, I shift to talking about camping trips or growing up on a horse farm. To the standard list of fight, flight, freeze or fawn I've added feigning. My words technically true, but perceived by narcissistic persons as unconditional approval. So far, so good.

[@MaryBliss-c2q]

I'm 74 and have had therapy off & on over the years, but this is the first time ANYONE has ever explained EXACTLY what I've been living with my entire life. Thank you so much, Miss Crappy Childhood Fairy! You rock! Someone understands! I'm a normal person with normal responses to abnormal behavior decades ago. Thanks!

[@rosemarie-dj4bn]

I can't believe it ,what u saying thats been my life

[@jacquelinewilliams5661]

I remember years ago and saw my psychiatrist and she asked me go into hospital for a " rest" because I was disassociated whilst she was talking. Along the way I have struggled. Now I have friends who meet for coffee lots of days in the week. We have all and still do suffer from PTSD. I'm now subscribing to your chanel, 1st time viewer, impressed with your compassion.

[@adoxartist1258]

​@@jacquelinewilliams5661 Your coffee crew sounds like exactly what I need. I wonder if I could start one. 💛

[@JessAnonymous]

God bless you. 74 is a LONG time to go without healing. Wishing you all the very best

[@pagen5219]

thank God, me too, ty for the way you described us, we are normal, omg I wanted to be, but with normal responses to abnormal behavior, yes!! omg what a exhausting life this has been,

[@nishasankaran]

Opting to live in isolation. That one struck deep

[@trishas1857]

Same

[@Lisa-pl6gv]

Here I sit with three cats on my bed reading this. Yes.

[@serenapiccinini392]

Yes me too isolated

[@ginablanshard8255]

oh yes

[@lagomorphia9]

yes, especially after covid made peoples true colours show.

[@robbehr8806]

Let's not forget, schools and teachers often create a horrible abusive environment for little kids.

[@bunnyboo6295]

Yes teachers they set the environment sometimes encourage other kids to hate single certain kids out

[@robbehr8806]

@@bunnyboo6295 , I'm a high-functioning autistic. When I was in elementary school, the academic hierarchy implemented what I call, "bully by proxy." The principle was effectively to top-level bully, who accommodated those teachers who wanted to bully children. Then, the teachers engaged in both overt and covert verbal bullying, while allowing student bullies to do the physical beating. Academia has become a gathering point for many types of abusers.

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@robbehr8806 The adults trained the kids. If the teachers weren't' like that they could have created an Enviromint to prevent that behavior. It's really the teachers that targeted label someone encourage the class to follow.

[@robbehr8806]

@@bunnyboo6295 , Exactly! At the same time they are using the bullies as proxies, the teachers are mentoring the bullies into antisocial people who will cause trouble throughout their lives. So, academia has many victims.

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@robbehr8806 Yep I look like a tom boy, so the teacher singled me out. before the teacher's discrimination I was getting along fine on the bus with a group of other kids once teacher wouldn't allow me near other kids, she trained them to avoid because I look different. Prejudices is taught by adults mainly teachers. If small children were left alone without adult inference or influence, you would notice most toddlers would play fine naturally. toddlers treat all the same if outgoing they wave to all run up to all until someone trains them not to go near certain people that look a certain way. I noticed it havening to others through school high school it was a boy in worn clothes the teacher rolled her eyes acted annoyed by his presence would talk bad about him people sat away from him ignored him completely just like the teacher's example. Gone other places as a kid where I wasn't known if the adults treated me equally the other children seemed to except.

[@happyone444able]

I’m beyond exhausted trying to heal my CPTSD. It’s hard trying to just SURVIVE this, but I also find that it adds to my struggles when trying my best to maintain full time employment. I seem to attract very difficult employers, where I’m not heard, not appreciated etc. I do my best to try and discern the vibe when interviewing, but lately this has been my life. I changed jobs 3 times last year, and just had to resign from this narcissistic CEO who was gaslighting me about two weeks ago. I truly and humbly realize I deserve better, but now in the midst of continuing trying to heal, I have to find employment and this is definitely adding to my stress. I’m not sure I’m cut out for earth life.

[@Sally150]

"I seem to attract very difficult employers" Me too. It is about boundaries, I think. The other problem is that there are just a lot of crummy people who get promoted and should never be anyone's boss. My brother and sister had to quit working for other people and start their own businesses. They are incredibly successful but all they do is work! I don't have that kind determination. Wishing you strength, COURAGE and peace of mind!

[@happyone444able]

@@Sally150 thank you! I do everything to preserve my boundaries and have learned to make them clearly understood, it’s just these demons care nothing about your boundaries, they find it amusing to abuse the position they have to violate your boundaries. Many times I’ve thought “how can I work for myself, be self-reliant?”….like you I don’t want to work my entire life away. I keep the faith and I pray a lot. I’m thinking of creative ideas for passive income, as I do enjoy my hobbies. Time will tell, I’m still recovering from this last demon. I wish you all the best, and thank you so much for taking the time to reply. 😊

[@EvolvedParasite]

@@happyone444able I am going through the exact same thing.

[@mywifesboyfriend5558]

I get ya. I'm in the same boat. The whole thing is awful, and steals your joy. What's worse, everyone blames YOU for it. "Get over it." "Relax, cheer up!" Suuure.

[@happyone444able]

@@mywifesboyfriend5558 they do!! I am still without a job and nearly ready to lay down and give up. Life shouldn’t be this difficult for so long in my opinion. I can understand how some struggles promote growth, but this has been going on for far too long.

[@witchiewoman357]

I’m 72, ALONE, I have no real friends! I have always had an extremely difficult time making & keeping friends. All that you said in this video is true of how I feel. In relationships I was so afraid of rejection, I would leave. I have lived alone most of my life.

[@LLindsey1427]

Im sorry, i have similar. Things feel either too distant or too smothering.

[@Sally150]

Same!

[@danielleizzo4044]

Same

[@janinerandall6765]

I have one or 2 close friends who would miss me if gone, but otherwise, other people have left. It's just easier to be alone (not lonely). My problems stem from a survivor of a mass shooting, including my parents. I've had to deal with it for many decades, but pretty much understand my PTSD. I've also realized that letting people go (other than the handful of special ones), is no problem. I can easily not worry about them ever again. I don't know if that's coldhearted or just how I've learned to deal. Good luck to all of us!

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

Nearly 68, and very isolated after being sociable all my life. I know there are good people, but I don't trust myself to identify the toxic ones until I'm so emotionally untangled that I care more to preserve the relationship than my own integrity. I have a healthy if delicate relationship with my daughter. We're damaged in various different and similar ways, but each strives to be gentle with the other. With honest talk, boundaries, compromises, and mutual respect we do a lovely dance of supporting each other while respecting our own needs. Other than that, I fear social contact.

[@bpassion4fashion581]

Can you make a video on the relationship between CPTSD and the ability to get a a job, hold a job, and create financial security for one self when coming from severe neglect and not being taught any life skills? In other words how does CPTSD impacts a person financially ? Thank you !

[@WM37980]

Personally i m very drawn into chaos, procrastination and disorder. We can learn life skills, but in our subconscious we are conditioned to run away. So its hard. Healing comes from within, try Inner Child work :-)

[@CC-xn5xi]

I've noticed that some CPTSD sufferers are crippled by anxiety and depression despite being highly intelligent with very strong work ethics. It's frustrating to watch. And saddening.

[@JB-tt6ct]

This is such an important topic that is never discussed in CPTSD talk. We talk about our personal relationships but never how a person with our issues and disadventages manages to function as an independent adult. I thought of it a lot (out of pure desperate need cause I found no other source)and came up with 2 extremes of CPTSD (based on people I knew closely that came from bad upbringing). I call them 1. Neglect and 2. Surveillance 1. Are kids whose parents didn't give a f and they were left alone to fend for them selves. This means they would literally be left unattended for days, would roam the streets cause their presence interfered with their parents life. This lack of attention or any kinda of input left them with a huntingly painful extroversion where they seeked out people, experiences and knowledge just to fill the void. That made them street smart(as no one cared about their education), brave and experienced and in the financial sense a winner. They always push forward cause they have nothing to lose 2. These are children of very strict, abusive, bitter parents that surveil their every move cause their kids are their inferior extensions they can lash out on. Usually their excellent at school, cause they have to be and convinced that it's their only way in life. The strictness and babying and social isolation makes the kids super introverted, socially inept and anxious. They usually fall apart at college age where real life comes to play and they have no social graces to deal with it. They are riddled with passed on insecurities of their ever looming parents and also the constant babying and belittling that is meant to keep them in place. As they have no social life to pull them out, a fearfull disdain of powerfull figures of authority they are often too weak to break away finnancialy and independently. Or to do lower wage jobs that they're conditioned to consider a failure.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@bpassion4fashion sounds like a great letter. [e-mail] -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Hellakiddie]

WHEW

[@ClickUp]

I was raped as a kid and then shamed for it, I grew up believing my body is public property and that I constantly have to be "presentable" (f*ckable), I often feel skinless in crowds, I am unable to have genuine connections with people etc. It is still very difficult for me to grasp the concept of "trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility" as I struggle to understand the difference. This channel is really helpful. I hope one day I can be as inspirational as you ❤

[@rosarosa3048]

Read Master Nursi's books. It has a healing effect. I hope you get better

[@lolitabonita08]

same here...

[@justaybes]

I hope you believe that indeed what happened to you and how you feel about yourself because of it was not your fault at all! We all (as trauma survivors) didn't deserve what happened to us. We deserved the opposite, as all children (and adults) do. It is our responsibility in the sense that the healing happens inside of us and only we know what's going on within ourselves and what help and support we need to get better. Only we can speak our truth. And somehow, somewhat ironically, only we have the power to get past it in the end (or learn to lead a happy life despite it), but of course you don't have to go through the healing process alone! Take care of yourself and wishing you all the best on your journey ❤

[@Lisa-pl6gv]

Your body is precious, your soul is beautiful and your life has value. Please remember that.

[@teddyboef2821]

❤

[@alisonreed590]

Attracting narcissistic personalities and bad relationships , fear of abandonment, feeling vulnerable and alone , unable to trust, foggy memory of past events , chronic eating disorder of 37 years ( bulimia nervosa )addictive behaviour all those resonate with me...

[@cynthiafleisch7078]

YUP. ME TOO!

[@redwarrior2424]

And me

[@Creaturesofthemaroonlagoon]

😮 oh sh..

[@thenananextdoor615]

At 57 I still find myself minimizing or excusing what I went through as a child. My brother and I had a middle class, 2 parent home with no drinking or drugs or sexual abuse. From the outside looking in, it was great. My brother has been more affected by the physical abuse, I was more affected by the emotional neglect. Overly critical parents who lacked empathy and warmth. My dad told me to shut up every single day of my life. I was told there wasn't anything redeeming about me. Overly sheltered to the point we didn't know how to act in polite society when we were grown. I wasn't allowed to have strong emotions of any kind. I was told I was responsible for my dad's anxiety and mental health issues. I still walk on eggshells around them. I still get triggered easily from strong male authority figures. I'm not the woman I was at 21 when I left home. I have learned to not be a people pleaser. I am learning to negotiate my own feelings. But I am an extra sensitive person and highly empathetic, especially to the feelings of children. It is a daily struggle as I have taken on the duties of looking after my elderly parents and the roles are reversed. I am trying to be kind to myself. Say no when I need to, but it is an ongoing process and each trigger or event I have is an opportunity to dig in for further healing. I wish those around me who see how easily triggered I am, could see the hard personal work I have done and how far I have come. But I know, and my husband gets it and he's amazingly supportive.

[@Lizzie-h3j]

You've just described my life. I'm 45 now and my fathers passed and I am going no contact with my covert narcissist of a mother who did the real damage and continues to do so. Both my brother and I have had addiction issues you don't have both your children become addicts when you're a loving parent.

[@myeveryday2819]

This was my life exactly, except it was my mother's mental health issues. And now, at 53, I recognize it for what it was and why my late brother went down the path he did. Now, as I navigate my mother's Alzheimer's journey, I find myself being very angry and resentful of having to care for this person who did all the damage. But, I am learning it wasn't my fault or my brother's.

[@JoannaSkye]

I hear you and resonate with some of this. I am finding it helpful to learn about and consider transgenerarational trauma. I have thought a lot about what my mother experienced, and her mother before her. How their trauma responses distorted their potential to be wholehearted loving and expressive people. I am finding when I keep this in my mind and heart I have more patience

[@bensnacks]

When you said "The abuse and neglect that happened to you when you were a kid was not your fault" I burst into tears so pretty sure this applies to me. ooooooof

[@someoneanyone365]

I am sobbing with you stranger friend….just came off antidepressants for the first time in years and the feelings are FEELING❤️‍🩹

[@hazusuki]

Same

[@kamilakennedy2686]

I’m turning 70 in a couple of weeks and have struggled with CPTSD my entire life. I’m grateful to have stumbled upon your site as I’ve never found a therapist who was able to help. Finding out that I have good reason to always feel separate and that it’s common is a tremendous relief. I have all of the symptoms you described here.

[@CorrineCarter]

That’s me too❣️

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

Me too. Good luck in your journey.

[@jazmineworthy2010]

Good job

[@jamieendicott7496]

Yes, finally something makes sense!

[@CONEHEADDK]

"Absurd" how many pros a person can meet during a long life, that seem to be blind. I had to fall over a headline on a news paper about Psychopathic women, and while standing in line to pay for my gas, I read a bit of the article. Fell over the check list, and noticed, that my recent "flirt" scored pretty high on it. Once back home, I started to google, ended on Narc check list - and she scored full house.. Next I started to realize, that my dad did the same - and after 3 months of being depressed over "her", I was 100% over her.. I could see, that no matter what I had done, it wouldn't have been right or enough - and recalled her story about the guy before me.. A shame it was to late for me, but still better to know, why you are "on death row", than not knowing, even if you couldn't have done anything else - or maybe exactly because of that. Should have offed him at 16, as I thought about getting someone to do for his money - I had 99% been better off today - or dead...

[@lursbl6349]

I'm 54. I don't want to heal,is too late. I just want to retire ,have a house away from everyone and everything and live the rest of my life in peace.

[@jessicakruger7]

And that's perfectly fine. I'm also at that age where peace and been alone works for me. I hope you get your dream.

[@corneswanepoel4890]

It is never to late. Get professional help.

[@kennapetrea1591]

That's what I am doing. If I need companionship , I go shopping. Always someone to talk to randomly.

[@superdougie10]

I love being alone because I'm Aquarius, not because of my CPTSD. I have always made friends very easily and kept them for decades until I can't stand them anymore, mostly because I outgrew them. I want peace of mind, not everyone can even say they know what that is. I have it and know how to throw a boundry down.

[@thetso99]

......i'm 34 by now.......same feelings.

[@Happy-uy5wc]

My family and friends are so abusive, that I decided to run away and not let anyone know where I went or even my phone number... except my son, I still stay in touch with him, although he lives far away. I enjoy being alone. I find that I don't have much in common with most people and I find most people boring and stupid. Im OK .

[@dimpsthealien333]

I wish I could do that too.

[@cynthiakay7253]

Eleven out of 12. I don't over eat. Tend to not eat sometimes. I'm 73 and know I have PTSD, bipolar, etc. Have done an excellent job of isolating myself from the world. You explain it so well. So glad I found your channel. Will continue to watch and find your treatment

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@FredericaE]

I have what you speak of Cynthia!

[@Saygoodbyetoyourpops]

Omg, I isolate so much. The only thing that forces me out is work. Otherwise, I would stay in my room at all times. Me: 10/12...

[@cynthiakay7253]

@@Saygoodbyetoyourpops it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

[@cynthiakay7253]

@@FredericaE I'm finding out a lot of people are like me and here I thought I was special

[@TheAnticorporatist]

I saw a great TED Talk with Patrick Stewart where he said that it shouldn’t be called “PTSD” since it’s actually the way that a healthy mind reacts to post traumatic stress, rather than a disorder.

[@devilsoffspring5519]

It's still a disorder though because you can't get your noggin to do what you need it to in order to function well and be engaged with your life--to make your life happen.

[@sisqui1950]

I also have Epilepsy and while some might think ... that’s a lot to take on... I found that being in hospital for up to a week was like a wonderful holiday. Hospital staff are much more likely to see the trauma and react to it very differently than your abusive family and school environment. Usually you get better food as a child and can eat at your own pace. You don’t get scolded by parents and made to sit there until you finish a meal, which was hard to even try to eat for many different reasons. The hospital I went to in my childhood even knew to put a sheet over the bed frame so the light would not be so bright and it would stop me talking and settle down and get some sleep. They were and still are my Angels.❤ This was my one and only safe place and my mother knew that I was happiest here. She came every day to see me and I sometimes wonder if she wished she had a safe place. She passed away just before the Twin Towers went down. She wanted to leave, and I hope she heard me while she was in her Stroke coma, telling her it was time she was able to leave, there was no reason to stay anymore. When one of my horrid brothers said, “ now you are the Matriarch”, I said to him and all around... “like hell I am. No way am I stepping into that position”. I hope my mum had a good laugh over it 😂💐♥️ Thank you Doctor for this video as CPTSD is not yet recognized in Australia as a medical condition. I am living on my own and still am triggered everyday by events that happen. My brothers still enjoy their mental abuse games from afar by moving my father from one nursing home to another without saying a thing (dad has had Dementia for almost 11 years now), all of them including my father were Narcasistic my full life. At 57 I am very tired and just want peace in my own home I bought myself. They will never received anything from my will. My remaining wealth will go to my best friend from High School. Thank you to anyone who has read my full comment. I feel more validated as a human with great empathy❤

[@mrsducky3428]

Dad grew up in foster care, and he often said the same about hospitals. The most joyous time of his childhood was when he spent 6 months hospitalized with polio!

[@CloudSpirals]

💚

[@girl38rockify]

Wow we have so much in common I wish you healing n love n peace I pray for you God love u n restore you always God bless your strength.

[@darktruth9331]

Am 55 myself and also am an epileptic from childhood and have to say looking back at my numerous stays at hospitals you are right was less stressed while there.

[@jenniferhaaland3028]

Just to be clear, she is not a doctor or certified therapist. She has great advice imho, but always good to get advice from professionals as well as others who have suffered CPTSD. Wishing you a happy life ❤

[@clowngirl76]

If ever I needed a reminder to keep going! To everyone here, you're not alone ❤

[@TheRavendearest]

I was born in 1957, I was a shy, quiet little gay boy who was abused daily both verbally and physically throughout my childhood, constantly harassed and beaten. Later in my teens I met others like myself and bonded developing close personal relationships and was happy for the first time in my life. And then AIDS took all my friends one by one…our government did nothing and “good Christians” told us it was Gods punishment. My friends died slow hideous deaths alone, abandoned by their families. I never got over the trauma of those years in school being tortured by my classmates and later the deaths of all my friends destroyed my life and left me broken…this video explains a lot, thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so sorry for all the things -- so much -- you had to go through. I hope the videos makes things lighter, and helps you know a) you're good and b) it's not your fault you struggle.

[@ClickUp]

Hugs❤

[@JessieI]

I am so sorry that you had to live through such heavy darkness. My first boyfriend/fiancee' was bisexual and he brought a lot of fun and color and joy into my life. Although we never married I still consider him very important to my growth as a human and have many wonderful memories of us. He calls me now and then but I've been too depressed to answer the phone, I don't want to infect him with my depression.

[@FabalociousDee]

Thank you for still being here, and for sharing this with all of us...but how terrible this has happened to you! Nobody should have to go through this.

[@lolitabonita08]

i am sorry for your pain, but sadly our Creator clearly says that homosexuality is a huge sin...even when some parts of society or media are trying so hard to make it look "acceptable" or " right" In many many many cases homosexuality flowrish by sexual abuse and then when the kids like the abuse they think that is the right path to go. I knew a friend (childwhood sporatic friend) that was heterosexual, his brother raped him, and then passed to his gay friends in a party. later on he turned into gay life style...

[@Celestial_Sapphire]

I’m a 45-year-old woman from Cleveland Ohio and I am lost. Spent five years in a narcissistic abusive relationship and went no contact about eight months ago. Through that, upon talking with my dad about a lot of things I came to realize that I had a narcissistic mother growing up who is emotionally neglectful. And I started to think about my childhood which I once thought was a good childhood now I’m thinking Was very neglectful but unintentional because that’s how my mother was raised that’s all she knew and to this day that’s all she knows because she still has behaviors towards me. She’s very critical is the main one. For the last six months all I’ve been doing is going to work coming home I don’t have any friends I feel awkward in social situations I don’t even know how to be a friend anymore or what to do to even start a conversation with people people Your videos have been extremely eye-opening and I realize I have a lot of work to do but I have no idea where to start thank you for reading this in advance

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for reaching out! A great place to start is Anna's free 'Daily Practice' course, here is the link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Celestial_Sapphire]

Thank you. I’m so lost and kinda in shock from the realization that my mothers indeed narcissistic and sad because I’m just now figuring this out after years of poor decisions. I’m also in recovery 3 yrs sober and it’s been the most difficult thing in my life. My sponsor and I do gratitude lists nightly. I will check this out.

[@LeahcimKennel]

You start by being kind and forgiving to yourself. Your comment that your mother knew nothing else etc, is making excuses for her behaviour. There is a difference in understanding compared to accepting. Your mother knew how to hide it, how to manipulate. If she had NPD, she did not love you. You owe her nothing. This is a healthy place to start. I want you to think back to the child you were and treat that child with the love EVERY child is entitled to. Healing means accepting yourself, loving yourself and understanding your triggers. It does not mean being free of all scars. Good luck in your journey.

[@benicio1967]

May I ask how your mothers narcissism manifested? I’ve only recently considered that my mother was a narcissist. She truly didn’t know any better either. My mother was the oldest of six kids. She was a very beautiful child, made straight A’s, had tons of friends growing up and her mother and father worshipped the ground she walked on because she never gave them one moment of trouble throughout her youth. Her parents idolized her and I think my mother didn’t know anything different but to always be the center of attention. It’s just the way it was for her growing up so when she had 4 kids she didn’t seem to understand the importance and necessity of putting our needs first. My mother was extremely neglectful and while I think she knew it I don’t think she had a clue about how badly her neglect damaged all of us. My mother taught us nothing but manners and empathy, but she never worked on giving us any skills, structure or direction. She cleaned house most of the day, exercised and fixed herself up waiting for my dad to come home every day. I literally spent my entire childhood following her around begging for her time and attention and it never came. I was always put off. She always had something to clean or a workout to do. My mother was so kind and warm to the world but so cold and disinterested in her own children. I think somewhere in my heart as I was growing up, I always felt that she unconsciously hated, or at least resented us. I’m only just now realizing the extent of the neglect I endured at 58. Why didn’t this all hit me before. I’m so lost and don’t know how to build a life for myself.

[@rinaticson390]

This sounds like my mom and myself

[@marycozzensauldridge6634]

CPTSD, major depression, anxiety and DID are the result in my life of severe sexual abuse by my father the first 12 years of my life, compounded by my mother taking my son away from me the minute he was born, I was 12. She never told the truth and covered my father's crimes. I have loads of triggers for migraines and all sorts of problems. I have been in therapy since 1992 but am doing most of the work alone as most therapists are I'll prepared for my baggage. Thanks for the video

[@stanmaybury2830]

God bless you Mary. I have a friend who has a similiar background and she is 73 years old and still believes it was her fault. I am trying to help her to get through this. She had a 40 year relationship with a guy who she never told. She was a master at hiding her problems. He was a control freak, she finally left him. I noticed something was wrong before I even went out with her and when I confronted her I asked her if she was abused as a child. She through her arms around me and kissed me and she asked me how I knew. I told her I have met other women with similiar signs. Hats off to all the women who have suffered from what appears to be an epidemic of abusive men. May they all start to have a noemal life.

[@dianecelento4974]

I'm praying you heal from this. God Bless You

[@barbarazuviceh6506]

My oldest brother once told me I was becoming The Healed Helping The Hurting. I did my best to help others along the way as I was working on my own issues and praying to God for wholeness. I felt fragmented and broken due to the sexual molestation by my best friend's dad, whom I trusted and it happened more than once. I later realized he was molesting her also but they moved to another city and at least he couldn't get to me any more. She wasn't as lucky. We were about 10 and 11 years old. My heart was broken as well as my trust abd innocence. Life became fearful and confusing. I couldn't tell my parents be tge dirty old man had said to me if I told my mom, it would kill her. I didn't speak of the devastation until I was 47 years old and blurted it out to my husband in a very heated argument. Then the truth finding and working through the therapy began. There's more to my story but not enough space here for it. I'm 80 now but don't look it or act like it. I think my growth began when my healing began and I'm living my best life now !

[@krystiesolfyre5340]

You are so incredibly strong. I was molested by my father once as far as I remember, and I just pray healing over your life in the name of Jesus. The baggage is real and it’s the worst betrayal. But our Heavenly Father can heal all and a good therapist can make such a difference. I pray you find just who you need to continue to help in your healing. Sending you so much love 💕

[@marycozzensauldridge6634]

@@krystiesolfyre5340 thank you for your prayers and kind words. I have been in therapy since 1992, it's a long journey. Please pray for my son who is in denial. I don't want him to be full of regret once I'm gone

[@dameanvil]

01:11 🧠 Childhood PTSD (CPTSD) can lead to symptoms like attention, memory, and focus struggles, which are common adult symptoms. 03:04 🧠 Emotional and brain dysregulation can cause spacing out or feeling physically numb during big decisions or emotional discussions. 04:35 😢 Emotional dysregulation can lead to intense emotional outbursts that may not seem appropriate for the situation. 06:23 🤯 Emotional dysregulation can exacerbate conflicts with family, friends, co-workers, and partners. 07:06 🚫 Avoidance of social engagements due to triggers from being around people is common in individuals with CPTSD. 08:30 💔 Fear of abandonment or being alone can lead to staying in negative relationships longer than desired. 09:09 🔄 Individuals with CPTSD may be attracted to unavailable, destructive, or abusive people due to dysregulated judgment. 10:18 😰 Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues are associated with trauma and CPTSD. 10:32 🚬 Substance use and addictive behavior may temporarily regulate emotions but can lead to more dysregulation in the long run. 10:58 🍔 Early trauma can affect metabolism and hormones, contributing to struggles with weight and overeating. 11:13 🩺 Unexplained health problems without clear cause can be correlated with early trauma. 12:08 👥 Feeling separate and disconnected from others is a common feeling for those who experienced childhood abuse and neglect. Healing the symptoms of CPTSD is possible.

[@dianagarrison3138]

Complex PTSD (not childhood)

[@larabraver]

Wow, you did a great job and excellent icons. Thank you!

[@amykat75]

Thank you!

[@robertdeskoski9783]

A. I.

[@robertdeskoski9783]

@@dameanvil: Not sure of they're imbeciles, but I know that Glarity and other A.I. apps format text that way :)

[@reallovechannel1309]

I am 55 year's old. I have lived all of my life with this. I was in fire and EMS for 20 years. The dissociation from the things I saw was easy. I learned to not feel as a child. This has been my entire life !!! It is time to break this cycle !!! Thank you for your information and hard work 🙏🙏🙏

[@ninamc6116]

I’m a nurse. I can see awful stuff with no reaction

[@reallovechannel1309]

@@ninamc6116 It is easy to become emotional if we connect in anyway other than professional !!!

[@smellystain]

@@ninamc6116 And we thank you for that incredible ability.

[@anndoucet6606]

I was a nurse for 30 years, not much fased me I would shut down. Problem is I'm still doing it and also dissociation under stress. I've been in therapy for decades but for me the flashbacks haven't stopped. I'm now 64.

[@korie4198]

I was an Air Traffic Controller in the military and found my ability to emotionally detach somewhat useful but realized the adrenaline dump just comes later.

[@madmanc_angling]

I've decided to own my cptsd, I've got T-shirts with broken crayons still colour, Broken, not normal, and I've changed my outlook. I can't cure it but I can learn to live with it and by looking at it as being a part of me I've developed a positive attitude. Can't beat me! We are survivors! Warriors of battles from our youth to adulthood and we have endured! Today I'm tired and stressed from work and I've had to comment to help me to regain my focus. Stay safe everyone and remember we are the toughest people and nothing can beat us down. Big love ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well said! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@twigbird6058]

Same here own it!

[@barbarazuviceh6506]

Amen

[@jlbaker2000]

Being referred to as a survivor is an admirable thing which takes courage, but isn't there a higher standard for our lives than to just be 'survivors'?

[@billyb4790]

@@jlbaker2000right and how is this any different from “identifying” with it which is what many say we shouldn’t do? I’m genuinely asking because I’m genuinely confused. On the one hand I agree with the OP and it feels like a relief to own it. On the other hand I don’t think I want to go around telling it to the world or making it all about who I am.

[@SweetUniverse]

Thank you. My mother always blamed me for bad things that happened - even if they were things that she did herself. Somehow I caused her to make bad choices.

[@lorimiller4301]

My Dad does that to me. I'm an only child. I've seen him knock something over then look around for someone to blame. He's pathetic. 92 and still a baby.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

No you didn’t….put the shame back where it belongs…..with her

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Sugar_Spring shaking that kind of abuse off takes work but you can do it! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@twinkletoes8057]

Mine too! But, I would say this to myself: the only way to win it is to not be in it! I left her to it, and her adoration of my sister…..who I also don’t speak to.

[@Crouteceleste]

As an autistic person who has been through childhood abuse, it's very difficult to draw the line between the needs that are coming from autism, and the reflexes that are coming from trauma. It's like they're forever intertwined.

[@NicholasLampitt]

Even though I don't know u but I love u

[@caomunistadoggo4129]

I just feel the same

[@BuhodePiedra]

❤❤❤

[@brookedonaldson6045]

I have ADHD and language issues and I feel this. Sometimes, it is like they feed off themselves.

[@billyb4790]

Same here. I can’t tell if my need for isolation is just referential or traumatic. Either way this is me.

[@R-Tech_Gaming]

ADHD and C-PTSD have alot in common. I have both and it's been very hard. I constantly apologize for things even when it might not even be my fault, constantly scared of chasing good people out of my life, and prolonging bad relationships because of the very reasons you posted. Thank you for sharing this and I deeply appreciate it.

[@wrldtrvlr4vr]

I hear you Having both is difficult but you can survive. I've been relying on Jesus who gives me the strength to live each day.

[@laurieliss5977]

I was going to say that a lot of this is very much like ADHD. How does one know the difference? And what does having both look like? I suspect I may have both, but now I'm not sure.

[@R-Tech_Gaming]

@@laurieliss5977 It's mostly because CPTSD involves triggers. That's how I know the difference myself. I know what sets me off and try my best to avoid or minimize those triggers. Sorry for the post edit, but I got distracted mid sentence, speaking of ADHD. 😅

[@MagentaDinosaurs]

I have just been diagnosed with ADHD, and my psych suspects Autism, but I definitely have a lot of childhood trauma to work through too. Its very confusing to try to understand where one thing ends and another begins; the AuDHD experience is already confusing and contradictory (I'm not confirmed so this is from others, but I relate to almost every experience they share). P.S. the fact that you got distracted mid sentence and had to edit your comment is so relatable 😅

[@R-Tech_Gaming]

@@MagentaDinosaurs Yeah, I legit was like... oh crap I didn't finish that thought and hit enter. Dangit!!! Still though, people suspected I was autistic in some way too, but I never had that diagnosis confirmed. Just started meds for the ADHD and it seems to be helping alot. I'm calmer, my mind isn't so chaotic, and I can focus on things I don't like doing and actually get them done.

[@IWillHaveThePastaThanks]

I’m 62 and have never been in a romantic relationship. My platonic relationships are few and far between. I was only diagnosed with CPTSD within the past couple of years and it explained so much about how my life has been. I resent that it took so long to be diagnosed. At my age, I sometimes feel that it’s too late for me to change anything.

[@twigbird6058]

Same here diagnosed back in 2020 age 62 now childhood abuse and witnessed DV 17 years running away😮 from home ..when mybDad died Dec 2019 my life fell apart,,my narcissistic Mother is abusive still so I chose to walk away

[@sophied.1647]

It really is never too late.

[@benicio1967]

I thank you so much for your honesty and courage. You’ve just stated my situation perfectly. It sounds like we are facing the exact same predicament. What is so perplexing to me is how much harder coping gets as I get older. I always thought it would be just the opposite and that I would gain greater strength and insight over time. I coped very well with all the abuse and the neglect as I grew into an adult. I knew the abuse effected me but I really thought I was dealing so well with all the confusion and conflicting messages and the torment I was subjected to as a kid. Then I hit my 40’s and things began to get even worse and in my 50’s I began to see with every passing year I simply couldn’t cope with anything any more. The least little thing literally makes me jump and even scream out loud, depression and anxiety have become so debilitating I can barely hold a job any more. I lost a job two months ago and now I don’t have the strength or the drive to look for a job at this point. It’s terrifying to suddenly find yourself so paralyzed by abuse and neglect at this age knowing that it happened 50 years ago. You just wonder why now??? Why is work, socializing, friendships and a relationship impossible to even consider now. I can’t afford groceries, I can’t pay my bills and I’m terrified of winding up homeless AGAIN. Just know you’re not alone. I’m just so tired of feeling so broken and inept. My mother never tolerated weakness or crying when I was growing up and now I hate myself for feeling so weak. I look around everyday and wonder how on earth everyone I know seems to cope with life’s stresses so well as I sit here falling apart and want to remain in isolation. I don’t think I’m ever going to be ok as I see my emotional strength slipping away and my stamina and drive to just push forward as I did when my mother was alive, has now completely left me. I wish you well and I wish you peace and resolution. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@lindadavis5668]

@@benicio1967 Hey, stop and think a minute. I was 57 and decided to enter treatment for alcohol abuse. I had no arrest record, wasn't forced, I just called treatment ctrs. I found one. CPTSD, alcohol dependent, major depression and anxiety and extreme insomnia. I listened to the nurses, drs., went to group, listened, got mad, hated myself, hated everyone else. But I knew I was going to die. I followed instructions, cried, ate junk food, more junk food, gained weight, cried, and about a.month I felt better. I found free talk groups the dr. recommended. I jogged, cried, complained, and finally I found myself feeling sooo much better. I'm 72 now. The greatest fight I ever had, but by far the most important part of my life.

[@benicio1967]

@@lindadavis5668 strangely enough candy is becoming an unexpected coping vice. I’m just lucky I’ve never had addictions but I have used a drink or two to dull extreme stress over the last 6 years. I admire your courage your conviction and your strength to face the issues and push through and fight your way back. I can only imagine how really difficult that was. I have so much respect for you for doing what most people never do. Thank you for sharing your journey. ❤

[@siltyclayloam8739]

I'm already diagnosed with CPTSD, but this video is still really helpful for me to ground and remind myself that these are symptoms of trauma, and not failures of character

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Absolutely! I'm so glad the video was helpful. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@karendray3043]

Same here and I'm going through talk therapy atm.

[@dasprii7703]

I never really believed that I had CPTSD when my psychiatrist told me I did. I didn't believe it when my therapist told me either. I thought, how could I have PTSD? My parents never abused me. Yet here I am now after watching this video. As I watched, I quickly felt myself become numb as tears started to run down my cheeks. I didn't feel any emotion at all, yet I was crying. I never stopped to consider that the upbringing I had wasn't normal. All this time I had fully convinced myself that I was the problem. It was my fault that I was always treated differently, treated like an outcast. It was my fault that no one wanted to be my friend. I always have felt so alone, even as a child going into elementary school. When I brought up to my parents that I was feeling depressed, they assured me that I would grow out of it (I'm 23 now). When I brought up to my 5th grade teacher that some of my classmates stripped me naked and kicked me in the stomach until I threw up, she called them up and asked them what happened. I got in trouble for lying. When I cried at night, it wasn't because I was angry at my peers for mistreating me, it was because I was angry at myself for being unwanted. I always felt like I was never enough and the one who I was letting down the most was myself. I never allowed myself to consider that I might be dealing with any sort of trauma. I never allowed myself to consider that it was not my own shortcomings that led my mental health to becoming so poor that I would be stopped by police doing a wellness check as I was loading the bullet that would have ended my life on October 7th 2022. Thank you for making this video, I needed to be convinced. I don't know why I typed all of this.

[@Mom23trader]

You are not alone. 🙂

[@marshmallow13585]

My mom has always micromanaged me and I'm 53 now. It's very hard for me to not snap at her and have panic attacks when I see her calling on my phone. Thank you for this video!

[@donnablack6280]

@marshmallow I was in the same boat. Terrified of her when I was 53. I finally dared to disagree with her a few years ago and she simply stopped talking to me. In many ways it was a blessed relief. She died suddenly last year. I didn't go to her funeral, but my goodness, the anger that bubbled up was really unexpected and it's taken a long time coming to terms with the complex emotions brought about by her death. And you have my empathy, so please be prepared. Best wishes. 🤗

[@kae1736]

The last one was such a big one for me. I've always described how I felt as being like an alien, like I'm not the same as other people. I don't think I'm weird, I can fit in, but I never feel like i belong or like I'm like other people, it feels as though no one that i meet can relate to my life or my problems now.

[@happytexan44]

Those in my life actually call me alien since I am so different

[@dawnalawrence6584]

Me too

[@terrapreta1]

I was surprised that you classified going numb just as emotional regulation without even mentioning dissociation. Dissociation is an attempt to regulate what a person's nervous system can't regulate. But it's a significant defense mechanism in its own right that can develop from traumatic experience which a child's developing brain is just not equipped to process. As a result, dissociation can become habitual and lead to dysfunction as it becomes the way a person responds even when faced with minor stressors.

[@waterdragon5418]

I was wondering how dissociation fit into the bigger scheme of things, thank you for your perspective.

[@dorenewhatley6732]

I was also hoping she would discuss Dissassociation.

[@christinemccoy4471]

I'm old and still do it. And that is the cause behind losing memories, learning, making friends, etc. Survival mechanisms, lead to the rest. So happy to be old and nearly finished with this livinh

[@alysmarcus7747]

yes, this is my life - - -i had a handle on it until 3 years ago. now i can barely leave the house - okay lets be honest - i don't and when i do i have to be helped back in a ball of 'what the . . . . ." I used to be really sociable - out doing music or art etc a few times a week. I've seen one friend in the last 6 years and bless him, he came to me

[@alysmarcus7747]

@@christinemccoy4471 i get it. not necessarily happy to be old (bad illness) but i really want to be 'done'

[@DawnyBrat]

I’m blown away that anyone could understand this (me), and have a feasible explanation for why I have been the way I am. While I knew my childhood was more than just a bit ‘off’, I was never able to connect the dots the way this does. Between the emotionally absent parent and the gaslighter, combined with constant verbal and physical abuses, I can now say that it all makes sense. Wow. Unfortunately, it took me 57 years, but it’s better than never. Let the sun shine, and healing begin, finally. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@salparadise1220]

I always hear the same list when people talk of "CPTSD". If you had a parent who was violent, absent, addicted, mentally ill.... But I never hear, "if you had a parent who was present physically, but was an emotional mess with undiagnosed autism and who was cold, distant, ill tempered (without resorting to physical cruelty) and had written you off by the time you were 8" type parents. Trauma is subjective. End of debate.

[@level_ken5231]

I have all the symptoms except for foods and substance addictions (except maybe chocolate and sweets). Childhood/complex PTSD, early diagnosis of depression and ADHD, and on top of that, PTSD from being a veteran. Strained work and romantic relationships, avoiding people and crowds… ditto. But the silver lining is that this solo lifestyle works well for me as a freelance writer, and I love the fact that I have no need for a career in an office. 🤓😎

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

thanks for sharing, hopefully you'll recognize some baby steps you can take :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@pilis.5681]

And you're kind of cute, level_ken. Silver lining! :)

[@freedomstar3814]

Thanks for your service .... keep doing you !

[@twigbird6058]

Same here no addictions here maybe classical music

[@dolcepescas6153]

I think addictions can be to seemingly "innocent" things, like sugar, chocolate, caffiene, social media, youtube, weed... If you can't/ won't put it all down, that's an addiction.. And it's still harming you, even if much slower than addictions to alcohol and hard drugs.. saying from experience

[@actionmoviefrea]

We're not afraid we'll screw up relationships, we're tired of being hurt.

[@jodimueller1025]

Amen to that!!

[@susanmonty791]

100 percent.

[@billyb4790]

Actually it’s both for me.

[@FallenMuse81]

Yes

[@Heartbridger]

Both are part of the same fear and that fear comes mostly from sadness and anger. Learning to forgive each other and ourselves can help these relationship obstacles and all surrounding emotions. Also as always, lead with love.❤

[@michaelknapp8961]

I’m 56 and I’ve experienced all of these issues stemming from my screwed up childhood. I had ADHD and Dyslexia and suffered From childhood depression that turned into bipolar disorder. Thank you so much for making this video!! It made me feel better.

[@edithbannerman4]

@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?

[@michaelknapp8961]

@@edithbannerman4 hanging in there. Feeling good today. Thanks for asking!!

[@edithbannerman4]

@@michaelknapp8961 what’re you up to and where you located?

[@delorespaduano959]

Wow! Thank you! This totally explains me! I'm 61 years old and have STRUGGLED all my life with ALL these symptoms. I blamed myself for not trying hard enough in school which made me barely able to graduate from HS. Which in turn, left me to struggle all my life financially. I have struggled with relationships horribly. I started to think it must be my fault because no one wants to be around me. Thank you so much for doing these videos. At least I know what my problem is now! I have to now find a therapist that can help me with it!

[@Drpermer]

I can relate. My situation is maybe a bit worse, in that I got married and had kids and now they are leaving the house. I have never treated my wife very good over the years, lying to her, spending too much time isolating, etc., and our marrage has really been non existant for maybe a decade. Not sure why neither of us can bring ourselves to leave, it's a hard place to live in.

[@beckytelatnyk5248]

Try a 12 step program like AlAnon

[@brittenyrichey4799]

Finally, someone who understands. This life has been extremely uncomfortable. Even though I'm in recovery and life is not immediately threatening. I struggle daily with childhood PTSD. I can't establish relationships very well. Never been married or had children, because of this trauma. Thanks for letting me share.

[@Goldenrod39]

Me too.

[@kelliered4530]

13:12 married no kids but we are just misfits

[@anitasue3208]

Same x

[@scottenriquez1930]

Most of my report cards would say things like “Daydreams too much”…. “Really smart kid, but needs to focus and pay attention”. All of my aptitude scores were in the 90s. My GPA was 1.something. I still have people comment about how smart I am. I have a really hard time believing it. I don’t see myself that way at all… In retrospect, I think I was an ADHD poster child. But that wasn’t a thing in the 70s. Now, two marriages (both to neurotypicals) down the tubes…. I’m trying to learn to embrace my strange uniqueness. As I’m discovering that the way I see and process things is actually a gift. Although it doesn’t always feel that way…

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@Scott_Enriquez I have found the Daily Practice to be a great way of getting more comfortable with my "real" self :) crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@scottenriquez1930]

@@meridaphoenix4036 Thank you. I’m hangin in there

[@jayfblank]

Peace to you, brother! I always call it a "superpower". It doesn't always feel that way. My new friend in one of the fifty-thousand places I lived, growing up, introduced me to his friend who apparently had "ADD" and was on medication for it. I was scared, like he was going to be weird, and yet I felt cool, bc I was not going to be one of those judgmental people. The kid was fine. Seemed perfectly normal to me. More normal than me, in fact. Fast-forward 50 years and I am diagnosed for the first time with ADHD. After a crapload of research into the monster of mental illness, I learned how he would not go on to develop CPTSD, because he clearly came from a family that was actively involved in his well-being, whereas my parents saw my ADHD as laziness. Worthlessness. Whatever I was, I interfered with their addictive lifestyles and that made them angry and they were never late in making it known, in terrible, destructive ways, very much unlike my new friend with ADD. I was sent away to military school. Swapped between parents and abandoned by each, often. And the trip is, all the while, I just thought everybody was right and this is life and this is the way it is.

[@Drpermer]

Wow, that sounds familar, my report cards had the very same thing. I still spend a lot of time daydreaming, likely too much.

[@justinebourke9449]

@Sophie Astrid Rooth me 3

[@karenburbage6357]

No one was more terrifying than my mother. The last place i wanted to look was in her eyes. Shes gone now but feelings are stiil there.

[@lynnemarie7885]

Even after years of therapy (pretty much since age 13) and feeling like I have a pretty good handle on my childhood trauma, I spontaneously burst out in tears at your intro. Just hearing the words "It's not your fault" really touched my. Yes, I know this. Yes I have worked on learning this simple truth. Yes my daily life is full of joy and gratitude, love and normalcy, but hearing those words reminded me, that a part of me will always struggle with certain feelings. It wasn't a horrible cry, it was a wonderful cry which reminded me of my hurt and also my healing. It's okay to still hurt sometimes. I have come a long way.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you, it can be so validating to be reminded that we didn't cause the trauma and, also, empowering to be reminded we can have agency now. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Eleftheria_i_thanatos]

I did the same.

[@whoswhoo]

Someone just being kind makes me want to cry .

[@MelissaSworab]

Ditto! I cried and then shared with my friends who had the similar experiences and similar reactions to triggers.

[@aspyn.j_]

Experiencing CPTSD as a Dark-skinned Black American woman is tough but it’s good to know I’m not alone in the grand scheme of things.

[@telepathicbutterfly8855]

💓

[@crimeuncovered-silkekaiser8863]

Sorry. I live in South Africa, and I know how Black people were dehumanized here. To have a crappy childhood on top of this, must be incredibly difficult.

[@kawaiisenshi2401]

❤

[@btsauntie_5545]

You are not alone.

[@Luna-kb3sr]

Lighter skinned Black woman here and you are not alone ❤

[@MissMelinda]

You said several things that I wish just one of my therapists would have said over the course of 20 some years.

[@sylviagerritsen7975]

We emigrated so no other family and from a non english speaking background. My dad abandoned us, my mother was paranoid schizophrenic and alcoholic who also abandoned us. We were separated and sent to 5 different locations (there were 5 of us). The very first day in the children’s home I was sent to I was physically and psychologically abused. I was 7 and stayed in the home till I was 18. I suffered a multitude of abuses including broken bones, SA, emotional deprivation and abuses too. Yes I have CPTSD. Was diagnosed only 6 years ago when I had to go back to the state/suburb where I was brought up. I became so ill my family wanted to take me to hospital but I refused to go. I’m in my 60’s and never knew, until I mentioned being ill and always feeling unwell at the idea of going back to the area where the abuse occurred. Then I was diagnosed (after 45 years).

[@andrewpaton2683]

So sorry to here your story,i,ve heard it said you cant heal in the environment that made you sick,theres a lot of truth in that,hope it helps a little.

[@annaread3829]

Thank you for being a voice for CPTSD which many people have and so few know how to change. Having a name for “dysregulation” and how to calm it down has been a life changer for me! Keep up with your amazing, healing work!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks so much for your support of the Fairy :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@antionettewardell2151]

Yepper!

[@katierojas8066]

I’m sorry, I did not receive a free CPTSD quiz when I signed up on your website. Is this a mistake?

[@MysticCowboyMedia]

I was physically , sexually and emotionally abused as a child. This video is so helpful and clear. Thank you as I'm in recovery but frightened by people in recovery who continue to act out on their unknown disposition

[@arthurjones4847]

70 years old and have 9 out of the 12. My life has been trying, at best. Last 6 years I have been alone, in a remote area and seldom see people. Grocery shop once a month and plan it at its quietest times. I have never felt calmer, safer and at peace. Very grateful for these last 6 years. I am a different person. Even with all this, I know my behavior is not, nor has been “normal.” Very glad I’m coming to the end of it.

[@jlbaker2000]

Are there lots of wild animals near you? I would welcome that company, - well, not grizzly bears or anything. I think I'd like to spend the final years of my life in a remote forested area away from humans. I could be calm and at peace. Might be good for my conditions.

[@jlbaker2000]

Coming to the end of your life, you mean?

[@LLindsey1427]

That sound so good and peaceful, but I also know I need some people so its a struggle. I’d love to find a cabin in the woods

[@DionLucas]

Finally, at 50 years old, I understand what's been going on inside of me for decades. Thank you for doing this vid!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@elieshasteffanson5758]

Same! I thought something was wrong with me.

[@freeshrugs63]

I can't for the life of me remember any reason for trauma. My parents were (mostly) on an even keel, showed affection, supported us in our endeavors, etc. We moved around as much as military families do, though. But in those days, kids played outside, and we had each other and some instant friends. But I have these symptoms: food addiction, lethargy, depression, inattention, isolation, etc. I'm gonna keep listening to these videos. Doesn't matter if I can pinpoint the cause, I can use these tips to get better.

[@dolcepescas6153]

For a long time I felt the same way.. like I didn't have seriously abusive parents, just imperfect parents who sometimes lost their temper, dad was always away working, and mom was bedridden sick. I think I was just neglected and raised by truamatized parents who never learned all the skills they needed. But they loved me very much. Then one day I realized, I don't really have happy memories from childhood. Not that there was no happiness - but what I remember now looking back, is mostly the fights, arguments, sad moments, and the good times I can count on one hand. I think your parents don't have to be total abusive, sexual abusive, alcoholics for you to have cpst... they could just be very damaged or imperfect people themselves, and did not give you the guidance, love, attention and life skills you needed to develop into a well adjusted adult. I don't know. Just sharing my thoughts as I watch this. I can relate, because I feel so much trauma from my childhood, yet I know other's experienced what I would consider "so much worse"

[@deb9784]

My dad was a workaholic, so he was absent a lot. So the fact that my dad was gone all this time affected my heart! My mom was stressed and did 99 percent of discipline! So like a good kid tried to make life easier for everyone. So many memories are simply not there! But somewhere in the midst of everything I got left out! I'm the oldest, so I was chosen to be the responsible one! I struggle when I do something wrong or even make a small mistake! Like I struggle forgiving myself! Little things can affect me so deeply I can't sleep at night! So, yes, I'm hard on myself always demanding more! But thank God I'm getting better! It doesn't take as long for me to return to normal and remember all that I have to be grateful for! Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy, so much for giving me tools to help me overcome the many issues I've struggled with!

[@glendamaikell4224]

Same here. I’ve felt for a long time that I was living in a kind of bubble. To all appearances my family was a model family - pretty middle class, went on vacations, did well in school, no domestic violence or even arguing. But as I’ve gotten older I’m convinced my mother must have had some kind of trauma early on because she was so emotionally distant all of my life. I have had a number of very traumatic experiences as an adult - losing my brother and his family in a tornado, my mother’s death due to ovarian cancer, my husband’s death of brain cancer, as well as chronic pain for 30 years and two hip replacement surgeries. With the recent birth of my first grandchild, I’ve been overwhelmed emotionally and physically with a sense of isolation and abandonment even though I haven’t actually been abandoned. At almost 69, there is also an increased sense of time speeding up. I just want to experience love, joy, and peace at this point.

[@josieflores3815]

I love sharing your videos. I'm years into my own recovery from CPTSD, PTSD, anxiety, depression, domestic violence and rape. These are so spot on and I learn more everyday. We can never stop learning and growing. Knowledge is power and brings internal healing. God bless you for all you do!

[@Scott_Alex]

Hello 👋 how are you doing today??

[@vidamariaixchel4962]

I know it’s irrelevant, but your hair looks exceptionally nice here! 😊

[@TeeTee-bu6md]

Hi Anna, you are the only person I will listen to because you explain it all so clearly, you popped up on my KZbin one day and I was listening to music then you started talking and Instead of putting my next song on I listened to you 🙂 I was diagnosed with CPTSD a good few years ago I’m autistic so it’s been an extremely painful life, I could function up until 10 years ago as I ran my own business but then one day I lost my mind I was in an awful abusive relationship, my cousin died who I was close with and my nice passed away not long after, I grew up terrified every day in my childhood, I used to think it was normal to have a monster living with us and everyone has one, I left home very young as the monster strangled me and I knew he could have killed me, I’ve had a few relationships and I just don’t thrive in them, being autistic I find it hard to work out what a partner wants from me, these were all abusive so I had a breakdown 10 years ago and I’ve kept to myself all these years I don’t bother with family or have any friends but I do have peace in my life and I just spend every day inside my head and walking my dog, I don’t think I care about myself as I don’t change my clothes or look after myself hygiene, I’ve had three showers in 8 years and my hair is full of knots sadly, i like being at home it’s safer for me, I’m not lonely I just think my feelings are dead, I suffer with derealisation and feel like I’m no me I feel like I’m watching myself from up above, it’s not a good way to live but at least nobody can torment me, thank you for your videos, I’m all the way in the UK 🇬🇧 god bless you ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching. I'm glad you found Anna's videos helpful. From what you have shared, I see there's a lot to process, but healing is possible. The best first step to your healing can be Daily Practice, the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice. It is a great tool to process fears and resentment, to sort through things that feel confusing, and to calm triggers and get regulated (and more!). The Daily Practice has helped many people and I hope it will help you too! Nika@TeamFairy

[@pipifoo1604]

Just going to leave this message here. I recognized a lot of these symptoms but I’m on my healing journey and I’ve healed myself in a significant way. YOU GOT THIS and you can def heal. I’m living proof. Also, the abuse gave me the most beautiful gift I wouldn’t have gotten in any other way, so I hope you can see it as a gift not a disadvantage. I am rooting for you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for the encouragement! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@loranabrabster3078]

Great attitude 🙂

[@thegracklepeck]

I'd like to point out that I do have trauma in my childhood but I also recently discovered that I'm autistic. So if cptsd doesn't feel like it quite fits, consider whether you may be a high functioning autistic (particularly if you're female as when I was a kid, it was missed in girls at such a high rate). I'm super sensitive to loud noises, clothing tags, food textures, etc. Have always been incredibly hypersensitive to things. I had dysfunctional parents, yes, and learned to pay way too much attention to them to try and avoid getting in trouble but also struggled to connect with peers because I missed things like sarcasm, disinterest, etc. All this to say that there could be several things going on with a person.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

A lot of autistic people also have C-PTSD, which isn't surprising to me at all. I was diagnosed as autistic at 17, and then with C-PTSD at 38, but I feel that came more from being adopted and raised in a toxic, dysfunctional family system. Alcoholic, narc, sexually abusive bipolar dads and mothers who favour abusive men/school "friends" over you will do that to a kid!

[@MamasDaughter47]

@theGracklepeck Ditto: I am autistic and have CPTSD. It’s amazing how the two things overlap.

[@cwright821]

Great point. I am very emotionally disregulated and struggle with a LOT in this list and I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s.

[@cheriklamm4524]

How do they diagnose autism?

[@PhoebeK]

@@cheriklamm4524 in the UK at least it involves questionnaires about personal history and an interview (one to two hours normally) referrals are normally only given if there is significant impairments to functioning with no other clear course.

[@terrapintravels3829]

Yes, I have felt and experienced all of these my whole adult life, I'm 68. It's a relief to know what it is, CPTSD.

[@Kim-m2b]

Yes. isolation and staying alone seem to be the only way to feel oeace. Other people unintentionally trigger me and i don't know how to control my responses. They end up hating me.

[@siennaprice1351]

I have CPTSD, but I’m working on healing. I’m also on the autism spectrum, and I’m totally blind. Fun fact, if someone has a physical disability like blindness or if they are in a wheelchair or anything like that, there’s a more than likely chance they might have a mental illness too. Maybe it might be later on in life that they show signs of a mental illness, but people with physical disabilities as well as other mental challenges are more vulnerable to things like bullying, abuse, neglect, having very little friends or no friends, and even being taken advantage of. It is very important to know this stuff, so you can get to work on healing it right away before it gets out of control.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your perspective! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@siennaprice1351]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy you’re absolutely welcome. It’s about loving and accepting yourself even though you have some differences. I love and accept myself even though I’m blind and have autism and CPTSD.

[@barbeeska]

@@siennaprice1351 *hug* thank you for sharing your experience

[@siennaprice1351]

@@barbeeska you’re welcome

[@paolocosmo6310]

@@siennaprice1351 Very Interesting--I am 57, on the autism spectrum, most certainly have CPTSD, and just lost the vision in my right eye-I am trying acupuncture to treat an optic nerve stroke-wish me luck!

[@carmadariacompaniona4181]

Yes, I have had several of these, some of them in spades, some are mild, and some not at all, and I still have some to a certain extent. #12 is the biggie for me. 1. Struggle with attention, memory, or focus 2. Space out or feel physically numb when needing to make decisions 3. Have trouble regulating intense emotions 4. Lots of conflict with others (blowing ordinary conflicts out of proportion) 5. Avoid social engagements because being around people is triggering 6. Fear of abandonment or being alone causes you to stay in negative relationships 7. Attracted to the wrong people (unavailable, abusive, or destructive people) 8. Suffer with depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems 9. Use food, alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs in an active way 10. Struggle with weight or eating 11. Unexplained health problems that have no clear cause 12. Feel alone and separated from other people in groups

[@x-mess]

#12 was a big one as well... always felt as though I'm on the outside looking in... The observer.

[@1065Olivia]

#12 I feel that way even with family.

[@reesewitherfork6142]

Something I’ve noticed is my body reacting to mainly benign/minor irritants with intensity (I.e. dogs getting rowdy in the house) It’s like my sympathetic nervous system is almost always keyed up so anything minor feels bigger than it is. But knowing it intellectually doesn’t help. It’s exhausting, maddening, and discouraging. It seems like I worked hard to see everything I’ve been through and brought it to the surface, but now it’s stuck there and Im not yet able to get out of survival mode.

[@aryansigrid]

Our body over stores Cortisol when under stress whether it be "physical" or "mental" stress. When we go to bed with worrisome thoughts, our body produces extra "cortisol", (adrenaline), which is a cause of Panic Attacks etc.

[@CorrineCarter]

Have you given any thought to being tested for Fibromyalgia? I have it and was officially diagnosed around 20 years ago. My senses are very heightened and I can’t enjoy so many things that I used to because of low tolerance of loud noises, certain types of noises, smells… some will make me sick or bring on a headache, overly sensitive touch or skin, I could go on & on. Just remember, you are not alone out there.

[@alysmarcus7747]

it's really really hard. i've recently crashed from a level of 'that's annoying Fibromyalgia' - yes, lots of pain, to you aint leaving the house ever ME/CFS. i'm so not cool with this - right flat on my back with thoughts and memories. My point if it helps at all is that they have found out that people with Fibro and ME have the 'run' light on all the time -and that's what causes the nerve pain and damaging effects - I've had 'accidents' and i have bleeds in my brain, spine damage etc. i want to get out of that bed. i want to have a life. So aside from doing IFS therapy to the best on my own (my doc died bless him) . . . i have to figure out how to 'slow' that other thing. Run or collapse - i can't live like that. The other night i bought myself a small BP and pulses reader that you can put on your wrist - and i practices heart rate breathing - i managed to get my BP down from 175/100 to 104/75. if you can manage this with the breath - i think there's a chance it can remind the brain how to do this. What have you got to lose right? - from 63 years, 94 pounds of angry ! i want my life

[@chelleyd4020]

I'm the opposite. I study dog psychology and behaviour to keep my mind off my anxiety/BPD, so it’s everything but the dogs that annoy me, they dogs calm me and keep me sane

[@chriscunningham8807]

Meditation, vigorous exercise, stretching and yoga, tapping and breath work, singing or dance, SSRIs or a chip of Seroquel for instant calm are all quite helpful when symptoms spike. Punching a pillow or going somewhere solitary and screaming into the void also help release tension. Ironically, the less we dwell on our problems or bad memories and can shift focus onto more productive and pleasant things the better we tend to feel. Good luck finding something that works for you.

[@cinemaocd1752]

Oh wow, the over eating/weight thing really clicked with me. I had struggled with my weight for decades and then all of a sudden when I turned 50 I started losing weight. Yes, I've been more careful with my eating, but I have been at other times in my life and while I would lose weight for a bit, I would usually gain it back with bonus for playing. But around the time I turned 50 the same time I was starting to actually dig into my childhood trauma and forgive myself for it and let go of the shame I felt. It's like my body started letting go of the weight at the same time that I was mentally able let go of the weight of what happened to me more than forty years earlier...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yay! It’s so good to hear success stories like this! Nika@TeamFairy

[@giftfromabove2107]

Wow!!!

[@BRITISHANDPROUD2023]

Thank you lovely. I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago but I have all twelve. I have also been diagnosed as aspurges, social agoraphobia, panic and anxiety attacks, depression, what a list!. I have always self medicated from aged 14. My parents abused me , my grandad was my saving grace , school was a nightmare and I spent my days looking out the window, on the toilet or hiding or not going at all and getting in with the wrong crowd, I had a pony to ride , not mine but he was my saviour also. I've always been able to communicate with animals on a spiritual level but I don't understand humans. I do understand this though, narcissists vs Empaths seems to be the battle in the world. 2008 I had a stalker who tried to kill me , that furthered my PTSD levels, he only got 5 years in prison and the police , cos and court system failed me . I try so hard to be strong and i am on a healing journey but there are narcissists everywhere and always trying to drag me down to the 3rd dimension on the dimensional pyramid, down there with their self loathing, shame , guilt , jealousy etc , I try desperately to stay out of the 3rd . I mostly stay in , I live in a converted 7.5 ton horse transport truck 🚚 on a farm because I can't live in bricks that can't be moved , so I'm mostly cut off from people and have very few friends, I always get taken for a ride , if I'm too caring and thoughtful I get taken for a ride , a sign of weakness, if I'm the opposite I get called cold etc , can't win . I still keep trudging on in my own way but I'm on disability benefits because getting out of the door to a job is impossibly stressful and I freeze, so keeping one just doesn't happen. Always suffered from migraine. Thank you for helping with my healing journey ❤

[@citrineforme]

I can relate to at least 10, possibly all 12. I'm 42 and have had several mental health therapists over the last 32 years. Not one ever mentioned CPTSD - they always focused on my anxiety with panic attacks diagnosis I received when I was 11. 😖 I even went to Mayo Clinic a few years ago because I felt like there was a piece of the puzzle missing, and that if I had it I would be able to finally understand the picture. Mayo just reconfirmed the anxiety diagnosis and added fibromyalgia to my list of health issues - again NO mention of CPTSD. Mayo also missed the mark in not identifying that I have idiopathic hypersomnia. That diagnosis came a year later from a sleep specialist. I feel some comfort and clarity in being able to connect the dots a little more now...Thank you.

[@cassietherainbowsend722]

@Mikolt Avas yes! I’ve read a good bit about BPD and some of it fit, but not …enough? This tho! OMG! All 12 signs fit me. And I’d never heard of CPTSD until my grown children “diagnosed” me. 😂 Not sure quite how to feel about this. Validated a tad, but sheesh…seems like an uphill battle.

[@barbarazuviceh6506]

@citrineforme so glad you're getting to figure this out. I, too, have a couple of misdiagnosis but finally someone listened to me and what a difference. Be well.

[@HungryCurious]

No one talks about it but please STAY AWAY from incompetent therapists. I'm 29 woman and in NY. My therapists quickly accepted me and asked for my credit card and insurance. When they realized how much trauma I have been through, they kind of emotionally ghosted me. Non of them talked about my rape experience, my dad beating me with the intent to kill me. But they talked about breathing and that "I am amazing " the BS stuffs you can find in any mainstream selfhelp book. Please take some time to find a therapist that YOU and only you feel comfortable with and feel that they are educated and know their stuffs.

[@brentduanefoster]

This is why people don’t trust a lot of therapists. Even though therapy is “en vogue” these days, many of these therapists absolutely SUCK at their job for reasons like the ones you mentioned.

[@redwarrior2424]

Check out Daniel Mackler videos. He talks about it. Former therapist who quit the field because of the reasons you mentioned. He's amazing!

[@kimberley-99]

I HAVE ALL TWELVE SYMPTOMS SHE LISTED, 100%. I WAS PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, VERBALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED EVERYDAY BY MY MOTHER THROUGH OUT MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD. AND TEEN YEARS, SHE WAS NASTY TO ME. I WAS A VERY SHY CHILD AND DID NOTHING TO DESERVE HER HATE TOWARDS ME. NO MATTER WHAT SHE DID TO ME, I TRIED SO HARD FOR HER TO LOVE ME. ON TOP OF HER ABUSE I WAS SEXUALLY ASSULTED, RAPED AND MOLESTED BY MY UNCLE FOR MANY YEARS, FROM THE AGE OF 5 YRS OLD TO ABOUT 15 YRS OLD. I'M NOW 47 AND STILL BROKEN.

[@gottabme]

Your story is my story, right down to the pedo uncle.

[@Tatamargie256]

Sorry for that. But be sure that it's uou to fight this. Be strong and know you are God's master piece. You can fight this

[@FredericaE]

I am a 64 yr old eldest daughter of a Methodist preacher & mother (both deseased in the past 3 years), who was the best preacher's wife! We moved every 4-5 years. I was painfully reserved, sensitive, (planned a career as a classical pianist--age 9- 23, was honestly encouraged by my parents & others--- was going to be accepted to Juilliard, but booze & men got in the way) frightened child/teen at every move! My folks fought often, occassionally physical & once the cops were called to our house!! I've been in therapy on & off since I was 16 and spent 8 weeks in a treatment center in Az. for alcoholism (proudly/hard work/ great people) I have 32 yrs of sobriety.) To this day I have all 12 signs of CPTSD. Thank you for sharing your knowledge!!! It is affirming ! 💜

[@visualapologetics4891]

I read a book a while back that was written in the 1950s. They talked about the biggest stress causing events that can happen in a person’s life. One of those was moving, especially as a child. It struck me that people move all the time today, and think it is not supposed to be a big deal. My husband and I have moved several times, and it has been terribly damaging to the children, and to me. It destabilized them in a big way. It is my hope that they will stay in one place as they raise their own families.

[@mdhbigdog]

Good explanation of symptoms. When I was 7 years old and in the 2nd grade, I hated to go home after school because home was chaotic and violent. So I stayed after school to help my teacher straighten up the classroom. One day she looked at me and said, "Michael, you're scatterbrained." I didn't feel offended then, nor do I now. It was a valid observation and I've always kind of been proud of it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm sorry life was like that at home. I can totally relate to using school as a refuge. So glad you're here with us. Julie@TeamFairy

[@leesecook4283]

i just cant even explain how happy i am to watch this video. i am 47. i am a social worker. this is the best thing i have watched that has touched my soul in a long while. YAY!!! I HAVE HOPE!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wonderful!

[@KathleenePietrewicz]

Thank you so much! I'm 77 and finally understand that I have dysregulation big time! I finally, understand my Crappy life! I've been working on me for a year and have had insights about what I did to my family. Of course, no one knew about this!

[@andreashick4883]

What about that feeling of fight or flight that happens whenever someone says, “We need to talk.” Or how you feel like you want to cry when your boss asks to speak to you(and how relieved you are when it’s something as simple as praising you for something good). God, I feel so identified.

[@lorigirl65]

I endured 30 years of an abusive marriage. He never hit me, but he abused me in all other ways. I'm sure some of my experiences in my somewhat dysfunctional family was a part of my own issues growing up. But my now ex husband who was an alcoholic and a narcissist. We divorced in 2019. That same year I was diagnosed with CPTSD. He treated me far worse than anyone in my family ever did.

[@georgewashington3555]

Glad he is an ex. xo

[@crimeuncovered-silkekaiser8863]

I have been limerancing over a man for over a year. Thank goodness that I have you as my voice of reality. I have spent so much time fantasising. I am now stepping away and am reorganizing my daily life so that I never see him again.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Good work! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@neilacrabtree1617]

Im 53 and trying to heal. I hsve all these symptoms. I dont have a appetite. My health is a mess. Ive never had a shrink tell me any of this. Thank you for this information. Glad to have found you

[@samaramesser5116]

This explains so much about why I am the way I am. I was brought up by an alcoholic, neglectful, narcississtic mother who was also physically and verbally abusive. The verbal abuse continued into adulthood and I finally got strong enough to go no contact with her last August. My boyfriend often says I have "extreme" reactions to minor things and yes, I admit I do. I have always had them throughout my life but just never fully understood why or what it is that triggers me sometimes. I am so happy I found this channel. It's been so helpful. ❤

[@Glub2]

The hardest one for me is memory, I’ve noticed more and more as I get older (I’m only 25) that I forget a lot of things, and I know it’s because that’s what my brain learned to do to cope with trauma, but now as an adult it crosses a threshold and my brain deletes good memories too. It seems like anything that happened 2+ years ago (and keeps updating as time goes on) random memories will be deleted whether they’re good or bad. It’s sad and painful to be talking with a friend and they can’t believe I can’t remember an entire day we spent together. I want those good memories :( I think a cure to this would be to write down what I do or record myself talking about it, that’s just a lot of work lol

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Check out Daily Practice, a tool for staying more regulated, more of the time. crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@tammycoffin8017]

It actually injures part of the brain.

[@lindac6919]

I've been getting back some good memories that I thought were lost. I got them back by remembering other good things. I kept thinking of a seashell that I saw when I was a kid at the beach, I remember liking it. That made me remember another good thing. Good memories have been coming back since then. It's kind of slow, there are just a few, and they are small memories; but I'm very happy to see them!

[@JaneDoe-ng3zm]

Do you smoke pot that will destroy your recollection

[@kamilakennedy2686]

I kept journals for years. I read part of one recently and was shocked at important things I’ve forgotten. Journaling helps to sort things out in addition to the retention of memories.

[@TomIowa1]

I never knew before it was called complex PTSD, but I've known forever that I've had PTSD from NUMEROUS traumatic incidents in my life. This video hits the nail on the head with me.

[@TomIowa1]

My issues all started when I was 5 years old, and now turning 70 years old in a couple months with what I've been through both in my "regular" life and as a Police Officer, I find death quite funny in so many situations. I've got some huge regrets, but cannot talk about them with anyone, but if I did they would know just how sick my mind can work.

[@pg618]

She describes my childhood 100% on every point having suffered being housed to the cheapest warehousing of emotionally disturb and autistic children for 9 years I've had an adventurous life, screwy relationships and in some ways I've in my old age come to peace but at 72 I really really look forward to checking out. Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living but I say the over-examine life is paralyzed.

[@sarahjane666]

I cannot believe how relatable this whole video is. It’s kind of blowing my mind and it’s incredibly validating. Thank you

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@CJ-uk1rt]

I still have most of these symptoms but what gives me hope is that I've realized that these symptoms are getting easier to deal with. 🖤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's a great outlook to have. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@nikkimitchell5440]

Yelling makes me shut down. Took a verbally and physically abusive relationship in my mid 30s, to make me realize how traumatized I actually was. Have been single and isolating for about 3 yrs now. Safety first. And I'm protecting my peace at all costs and am learning how to set and stay firm on healthy boundaries. It's always going to be a work in progress. Hoping anger isn't a personality trait and is something I can eventually let go of for the most part. Letting go of what I know is deadly or unhealthy for me, is still an issue. But I keep at it. Therapy and meds help.

[@butterflygirl8870]

Someone else shouting about something or complaining, even when it’s not directed at me, almost feels like physical blows directed at me.

[@SCnative64]

1.5 MILLION views. She knows her stuff. It's very affirming, and also sad. that so many people need help with their lives. I am one of them. Sending out love to all of you - real love transcending this medium. And thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy Lady. You've read the story of my life.

[@DilettanteLiving]

Getting through the video is difficult because there is an attached guilt to strong emotions, and not being able to regulate them all time is hard. I'm going to have to come back to it. Thank you for making this. I am proud of how far I've come now that I actively seek healing, but there is still so much to do.

[@javanjunkindahouse6625]

I am less than 6 minutes in and I already know I’m going to be listening to this many times over. It’s hitting home big time. Thank you ❤

[@wyrdwyldwytch]

I'm exhausted with blaming myself for my struggling with general life now childhood is over . . But it never feels over because such a large part of my consciousness is either frozen or in constant panic. I avoid strangers, family, neighbours. I just can't cope with it all. As you say in the intro, I know I'm not to blame but I still feel at fault and worthless. Every day, I work on it and try to be gentle with myself. It's definitely a process. ❤

[@_mergg]

I am so blessed for this kind of work, which has given me now some years of freedom from the ghosts. I had a very traumatic childhood and as an adult, had a series of difficulties due to ‘safety insecurities’. In my forties, I had a wonderful councilor who helped me see my life again and gave me the tools to consider what I was actually reacting to in the present. I still have scars and marks, but they aren’t much more than that now. I have choices now I didn’t think existed. And relationships I would never have dreamed of. Again, bless those who bring aid and those who struggle.

[@lilydapink6709]

I don't know how I found you, but, you were meant to be in my life. Everything you have said, is what I am and have lived with - I am 73 years old and you have nailed everything that I have been dealing with. And listening to you brought a fountain of tears from me and brought a lot of memories flooding back xo

[@lilydapink6709]

I am the eldest of 6 four sisters and 1 brother, I am the people pleaser, I am the person that will tell you your shoe lace is undone, if I see you outside. I am the little mother that HAD to help my mum or my dad would hit me, and i would get beaten for coming in 10 minutes late, so I stayed out for 4 hours and numbed myself for when I got home and didnt' feel the clouts. I was pregenant at 17, looking for love, he turned out to be a gaslighting narcisist, but I was always frightened of being alone so i put up with it... he died last year of Alzhiemers, that i nursed him for 17 years, I didn't always like him, but, I felt I loved him. Now listening to you, I don't think I have ever felt human love. have many times smothered my feelings and then exploded like a volcano, I have numbed myself so I didn't feel my father hitting me, I have numbed myself so that I didn't feel my husband touching me when I didn't want to be touched . AND i have had a fearful raging dragon inside me, burning anger that wants to lash out and burn everything in it's way. I feel remorse once I step back and look at the people i have blown up on, and like you said it's the smallest of things that becomes the tipping point and sends the 'dragon' in to motion... I thought I was the only one that suffered from this. I do keep to myself so that I don't feel left out if I should be in a social situation and someone doesn't include me. AND through it all when I grew up, my mother told me I was the only one they went in for and the others where all mistakes, and to top of the guilt, she died on my birthday

[@tokitobe2450]

Thanks for this list. I'm fairly functional, and always believed myself smart, but also have a lot of really abnormal brain and communication issues that affect my day to day life. 10 years of bullying and exclusion and racism can really leave an impact even with a loving family, but I'm learning to heal.

[@laurasell2353]

I developed childhood generalized anxiety and then chronic major depression because of my parents' behavior. I've received medication that has treated these illnesses successfully. But until I was successfully treated, my life was so painful and full of failure.