Starting A Lesbian Commune | Chosen Family Podcast

[@karagarcia9317]

This is such a good episode. I can’t stop laughing while Mac just softly talks to herself…’I love mowing lawns, I love chopping wood’…while Ashley yells HEAVEN FORBID I WANT A GLASS OF MILK. 😂😂😂

[@nathanmoranx2105]

In India there is a certain restaurant that has a perpetual stew constantly going, they just add more as they hand it out to people and keep stirring, stirring the perpetual stew! Thank you guys for another charming episode! 😊❤

[@itsmj3103]

that sounds fun 😂

[@garrickofminneapolis7552]

Lol, came here to also comment that permasoup is absolutely a thing, but that it is more commonly referred to as perpetual stew en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perpetual_stew One downside that I couldn't find references to is that in the middle ages, when this was a more common practice, the perpetual stew could harbor strains of micro organisms that locals would develop immunity to, but that would be potentially fatal to outsiders.

[@the_fynethyme]

​@@garrickofminneapolis7552this is so interesting

[@significantsoil5345]

I'm from India, I had no clue this existed! Thanks!

[@kapowjam3462]

I definitely want flag football updates from Mak every pod. I was a ref for flag football at college. It was fun.

[@kyrasaturn]

the more i think and listen and complain to myself about not having community and events and “third” spaces, the more i realize i could probably start something and make the change myself. it’s seems so daunting to put yourself out there like that, but maybe something i should consider to meet more people and make community.

[@Raddiebaddie]

Totally, things like game nights, yard games, inter murals sports, book clubs, and such matter more now than ever ❤

[@mariannetfinches]

​@@Raddiebaddieand it can be about anything at all! More specific, you get a little group of adorable nerds. More generalized, you get a bigger pool in which to find kindreds

[@urdelicatepov]

this episode blew my mind as an irish person. here the majority of schools have phones banned completely, both during class and during lunch, and if you're caught with it you'd get it taken off you and most likely, you'd be sent to detention. i had no idea kids were allowed on their phones DURING LUNCH in other countries 😭 i'm so glad that wasn't the case for me 🙏

[@JanneBernards]

Schools in a lot of places in Europe are turning towards banning phones. The Netherlands even have a nationwide ban on smartphones and watches in school and Flanders is looking to do the same.

[@herz5159]

Same thing in the middle east. We would hide phones lmao

[@ayla1316]

Alayna saying "I miss c_vid" resonates so much for me. March-June of 2020 is the last time I felt happy and content for any length of time. There have been moments since then but not a solid stretch. My wife and I were on lock down, we were approved for unemployment, and spent the day fixing our house, putting up fences, teaching her how to cook, scrap booking and walking our dog and goats. It was so peaceful and I have felt so guilty for enjoying that time while so many people were suffering and dying.

[@kaiya33123]

I'm right there with you!! You said that so well💞💞💞

[@jonjerow2230]

To add to the convo about popping in on friends and community, I grew up on a family farm with like, 5 seperate households, all on 88 acres. The thing I think folks miss and that I hear anxiety about is boundaries and practices, which my response is that as a community, you wind up with a set of norms and expectations! You don't have to answer every time someone knocks, and beyond that, when you knock there's an understanding that you might get an empty house, or a busy person! And I think folks worry about getting interrupted, but I was just as likely knocking to offer help as I was to ask for it. Also mealtimes are generally a no-go, if you caught someone eating you'd make it quick or leave it for later

[@mariannetfinches]

100% to all of this.

[@LadleOfStew]

"I see your iPhone footage every week" was WILD from Mak 😂😂😂

[@JuMixBoox]

I'm a Gen Zer who very much grew up with and lives in dropping by-culture. My parents' door is always open and people do show up and come in and drink a tea and they are always invited. Same for my grandparents. People will just show up, multiple times a day. I also get Alayna's point though about having to be a host constantly and that mental energy. Hearing someone at the door and deciding you're not available and ignoring them is a bad feeling. And of course there are people who are great at this and listen to you and remove barriers and bring their own food or tell you to sit down while they make the tea if you aren't feeling like it because they just want to spend time with you, but I feel that's not what dropping in usually is, unless you are going through something and people are coming to check in. Anyway, because this environment for me - where people live in houses instead of apartments and communities are small and local - is the countryside, it means we rely even more on smartphones and digital services, so I really don't see them being the antithesis to all this. The same goes for the demand to always be available: Yes, it comes from the phones, but it also happens in small communities.

[@mariannetfinches]

That's a very insightful take. I'd add that in my neighborhood we often text first to ask if it's a good time to pop round, that way there's less pressure to answer than a knock at the door if people aren't available

[@zazajf]

Firstly I want to say thanks for a great episode. A lot of really great points made. I'm 18 and I got my first phone 4 years ago at 14. The main reason being that during lockdown in 2020 I was messaging my friends for the first time because we were all accessing our school laptops at home and I wanted to keep being able to talk to them over the summer holidays. I was one of the last people in my year group to get a phone and I am so, so grateful to my parents for that. I've been thinking a lot recently about how bad everyone seems to be doing. Have to say I'm pretty terrified for my generation. Somehow we've really screwed up our society and it doesn't seem to suit anyone anymore. I think it's also scary how, as you were saying, it's getting so hard for parents to do the 'right' thing and give their kids a normal upbringing.

[@akacj7]

Mak I'm right there with you with how good it feels to have someone come watch you play sports. I was lucky enough that my parents were the "never miss a game" type, and I took it for granted at the time, but I look back and I'm like WOW what a privelege. I honestly think it's one of my love languages now, lol. When someone wants to come watch me play sports it's so flattering. And if I want to come watch YOU play sports, that is my way of telling you I like you/ I care about you. I dated someone who didn't want me to come to her basketball games, she said it was her thing that she wanted to keep to herself and I was like ok, I respect that as your need, but it honestly kind of gave me the ick a little bit? Which might be a little bit dramatic, hahahaha, but all that is to say - I GET IT! I love sports watching as a way of showing you care!

[@Im-lx3qt]

This was an episode and a half! So much covered. Heavy, real issues. Boy, it's hard to feel normal living in today's world. The world today seems so intimidating, isolating, fragile and corrupting. And yes, the idea of joining a commune, or moving into a small town or apartment building filled friends and friends of friends sounds more and more desirable. The ideas of 'Neighbourhood' and 'community' discussed are nostalgic even for myself as a 27yr old.

[@caitlinlawrence1867]

I will say my 9 year old goes outside and plays around the apartment complex, a lot of his friends do too. They ride scooters and bikes, play football and soccer and basketball. So I don't think it's completely lost to children. But as we age we become more isolated.

[@Blue-pb7kz]

So TW for discussions about suicide but I'm pretty sure the third thing that Alayna talks about isn't accès but "acquired capability" (in a paper "reductions in fear and pain sensitivity sufficient to overcome self preservation reflexes"). This would include things like familiarity and practice with the things that are used for suicide, and might be one of the reasons why men have higher rates of suicide deaths (familiarity with firearms, but also with violence, social conditioning to disregard body integrity, etc). This is also used as an explanation of why second attempts more often result in death, there's this "practice" effect. I wasn't taught this in grad school a few years ago, its interesting to see it's being taught now!

[@meganx1]

Ashley, you would love the book “The Anxious Generation” by Johnathan Haidt (if you haven’t already read it). Highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about how cellphones impact childhood and also some solutions for the future. The book sounds almost exactly like what you were saying about phones/parenting/mental health/childhood etc. The entire first section of the book is just graphs on trends in mental health between 2010-2015, with phones becoming commonplace around 2013. The data is there! Great episode :)

[@ashgavs]

I’m super familiar with his work! Haven’t read the book yet!

[@starz_z_z9309]

honestly so glad that ashley sound like an "old man" sometimes because she's not wrong! There are many modern problems with technology and we'd be ridiculous not to acknowledge them. It was always weird to me that little 2 year olds get i pads when i had to wait till i was in 8th grade till I even had a flip phone. When I was really little, my older brother had gone through numerous phones, so I know they were readily available back then. and I feel like I understand a bit of what ashley was saying about reactivity. Ever since I've become more fixed to my phone and laptop, there are less opportunities to sit and do nothing, like I had when I was little. And it ties in with what a lot of older adults ARE saying about phones, and sitting in silence, we just need to listen to them more.

[@tessaamaru1359]

ohhhh nooooo i can’t scroll through the comments bc this was posted 30sec ago

[@circleofleaves2676]

LOL has become GOOOMB (giggled outside of my body)

[@loes897]

To Ashley’s comment saying gen-z understands there’s something wrong but not what/why, as a gen-zer I think a lot of us do understand that phones and being online are the main problems but we don’t know how to change it since it’s just part of life for us since we can remember, like there is no other option than being online. and what you guys are describing, I would loveeee to live like that, but I honestly don’t think that would be possible anymore. to some extent maybe, but social media and the internet will always be part of that for most of us, so we have to find a way where we can do that in a more healthy way that is actually realistic and I think that’s a very tough question, that’s how I see it at least

[@ttarotkidd]

Mak, the pod wouldn't be the same without you!

[@shakesrear7850]

Dear Ashley, would you rock a sun dress at a commune? Keep baseball cap of course 😂

[@maurice3]

The beginnings of this episode is too funny 😂😂

[@starfishey2]

I can't believe they missed PermaSoup as what they had for dinner.

[@denisecantrell6923]

I'm an identical twin. I'm gay as hell, but my sister isn't. People call us wombmates all the time. It's kind of cringe but accurate? My sister would never live on a commune. For the record, I would live anywhere with a group of lesbians.

[@KristinCerda]

I love taking people to the airport. I’m an hour from SFO. That drive before someone leaves is always some of the most precious time because their minds are in a different version of themselves as they prep for transition. Highly recommend offering airport rides.

[@rintickles]

im a 1998 kid, my childhood is a mixture, id play outside w my neighbors and cousins, then go home at night to play computer games online - i like the best of both worlds - im also an artsy kid so despite the computer and phone, i chose to make art, just depends on the childs personality, i think kids today still play outside, theyre just also more online bc of easy tech access so older gens think thats all they do, its not lmao

[@RowanWolf22]

I would like to say as a Gen Z (first year, so the older part of Gen Z) we STILL spent tons of our time outside and played with people maybe to the age of like 16? HOWEVER.. Gen Alpha, which is 13-14 now (the oldest ones) genuinely have not had the middle ground experience we did. Their world is actually for the most part screen based. And to me, it’s honestly genuinely quite wild. Because you are right, the kids are pretty confused and it seems like they know something is up, just not *what*. My experience may be a bit different because I live in the U.K. though and all our houses and areas are a lot closer together? I would say around 5-6 years ago we’ve noticed playgrounds aren’t crowded by kids anymore. 5-6 years ago you still found tons of kids at playgrounds laughing and running around and having fun in my location, but in the recent years it really dwindled (covid may be part of it) - this year my friend and I (she has a little one) noticed just how deserted things have become, ESPECIALLY in summer holidays, which was very, very weird to us. But I guess most kids now spend time indoors on games instead of outside playing. But for us it was bizarre as we grew up with the “come home when the street lights come on” or “come home when I call you on your crappy little phone that can only make phone calls and play music which you recorded via the speaker” 🤣 Truly though, it’s super strange these days. It all feels so off.

[@eh99881]

The rant on how Ashley is always the only one with the heart bearing updates to share on pod was too funny of a call out

[@8infinite8possiblities8]

Awww Mak made me cry happy tears 🥲

[@livontoast]

me too!! ♡

[@JuniperBerry253]

A dorm. Ashley wants a dorm at Comedy university

[@swiftie4856]

I’m gen z and for what Ashley said, I do know somethings wrong and I know it’s because we’re all on our phones and it makes us insecure and introverted and none of us want to be social and there’s a disconnect from reality. I think it’s hard for us to change that though because everyone else is doing the same thing. When I was little I did play outside with my neighbors every day and we’d go knock on doors to get the biggest capture the flag game we could and stuff. On the bright side tho I think teenagers are trying to fix it and me and my friends go on hours long walks and try to get people to join us for bonfires and stuff and we go to parks and I think it’s because we realize our childhood is slipping away and we’re losing a connection to the real world. We’re just not willing to actually talk about it

[@canadianicedragon2412]

Mak's flag football update... talking about how her parents were always busy... would also be the perfect segway into introducing the podcast... right Mum... i mean Alayna?

[@christeenvaliquette5937]

Don’t diss the pickle ball Tarot Ash 😂😂

[@eh99881]

I'm a twin and it's always so entertaining listening to people talk about their views and experiences with twins

[@JansmaIvy]

The technological and social mixing for children is a fine line to balance. In our house we have very strict rules on time-management and screens and I have always put a great emphasis on being outdoors, doing sports, creativity and staying curious about the world around you. It is a law here in the Netherlands that phones are banned at school now. They are put in a safe in the classroom at the beginning off schooltime and then they get them back at the end of school.

[@gco911]

As of this fall B.C., Alberta, Ontario, Nova Scotia, Quebec and New Brunswick all have various bans on cell phone use during K-12 school hours. -- They should bring the flip phone back for kids. Parents could stay in touch, but there would be nothing on them to tempt kids to always play on them. And because there will always be some parent who wants to give their kid a smartphone, the government should simply ban smartphones for kids under a certain age like they already ban kids from things like buying cigarettes, driving a car, or drinking alcohol -- It sounds like you just want to live in a really small town. Which sounds good, but being human, we would also want the conveniences of a city. Maybe we should divide cities into a whole bunch of small towns connected together.

[@NotPMHarper]

I have my phone on silent at all times, mostly because I hate the sound of notifications, but a nice side effect is that I'm not on my phone all the time checking messages/pings and I am not available 24/7 to people. I got an iPod Touch when I was 12 (iPhone at 15 when I started public school) and I remember 12 year old me noticing I had the instinct to instantly check my phone anytime it buzzed or binged and making the conscious choice to turn off the ringer. And it has been like that since. I told my (literal boomer. Like, early 1950's babies) parents recently that I never had my ringer on and I was shocked that THEY were incredulous and being like "What if I have an emergency? I can't contact you??" like 1) we live 10 hours away from each other. I can't provide immediate assistance anyway, and 2) you lived without cell phones until your 50s! And didn't get smart phones until your 60s! You of all people should be used to the idea that you couldn't have 24/7 access to people!

[@EleanorBuck]

Episodes like this are why I love the pod

[@AlexxWoodwick]

Alana can you talk more about the reparenting and fulfilling a childhood need and how that works and what to do and all that? I’m sure others as well as my self would find it very helpful.

[@maddieee28]

I have never been this early to a video in my life

[@Taurus_Butterfly]

Yes, I saw squirrels like that😊 🥰I love hearing Mak talking about her gf coming to support her in sports. That's the kind of partner i want to be...if i ever find my person. 🤣Mak's segway to Patreon. So true about not owning a car in the city! The brief time I lived in one, a bus stop was literally right outside my door, train was a couple blocks away, and so much was accessible by foot. My child is an adult now, but he was only allowed a prepaid flip phone when he was at an age when it was more for safety and being able to reach me. When he started working, he got an iPhone with his own money, paid for his own service. I didn't like it, but he went out and got it. For the money he spent, felt I couldn't take it away. I agree about the socialization. I was so happy when he wanted to go to rock night at the ice skating rink, I told him that's real socialization.

[@IowaTrainGay]

Omg doesn't Alayna live in Vancouver?? Skytrain is so cool and accessible! If I lived in a city with that amazing of a transit system, I'd be using it to go see friends ALL THE TIME!

[@gayrodeoclown]

Mak as quarterback is giving hot teenage brother. 🤷

[@scubagoldfish45]

Great episode! I giggled outside of my body. 😂

[@JansmaIvy]

Yes to the artist-commune Ashley…I *wish* I could laugh about all your day-to-day jokes and puns…I would need to bring loads of pants to live there, cause I would constantly p*ss my pants laughing so hard 😂😂

[@ayla1316]

I got my first phone as an off to college present in 2004, I was 17. First smart phone wasn't until 2012/13. My kids don't have phones or tablets and only watch TV on good behavior days for 1 hour while I make dinner. Except Wednesday, my wife's day off, where if they had a good day we all watch a whole movie together.

[@hrnfreak]

I got a cell phone when I turned 14(2004), up graded to a Razor flip phone late high school, got a slide keyboard phone early college, then got my first iPhone when I graduated college in 2012 😅. Great I feel old now…

[@Saucy2112]

I graduated high school ins 2021. People still talked during lunch.

[@tracythorpe2662]

There are a lot of pubs/Resteraunts in our area x This is great and our kids and Grandkids get took out every week. Day in and day out x 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🇬🇧

[@gangstagrandma]

Alayna - your commune sounds like Church and Wellesley back in the day in Toronto.

[@gwenquigley7624]

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt covers a lot of things Ashley says or touches on re: phones. It's not a perfect book, but it's pretty good and is a huge part of why so many schools right now are banning cell phones in schools. We're at a critical tipping point re: phones; more and more people understand how much harm this has done and are working to course correct. EDIT TO ADD: Ashley, there ARE parents out there already who are working to prevent the harm of phones with their kids. Also there are ways to stepping stone this. Buy a double digit years kid a dumb phone for emergencies, something that can only do calls and text.

[@AlexKerrigan-me5eg]

Down in Australia, I'm not too certain of the other states, but NSW has bans on phones in schools, it's been implemented literally in the past two years or so, but as a Stage 6 (Yr 11 & 12) student, I really noticed the actual connections that people were making through face-to-face. Also, Snapchat? Terrifies me, horrific Wild West of social media

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

Thanks as always for making me laugh it was much needed depression been kicking my ass love you ❤️ always a good episode with or without a question

[@thirdspacemaker9141]

I didn’t get a cell phone until 2008. I was 27 or 28 and had a supervisory job. I got it so that employees could call me if they were sick or something.

[@harperalways7213]

I relate to having a whole conversation in my head while in a group of ppl 🤭

[@esmemg2567]

Brb setting app timers bc you right

[@addison8426]

My mom and aunt are mirror image twins! Not all identical twins are mirror image. Mirror image happens when the egg splits even later than just identical twins. Hence, the mirror image!

[@mizzmatrix]

Here in Norway phones are starting to get banned from schools as because of this exact problem with social interaction.

[@The_Chronz]

I love this pod! Lmao

[@MargoBTS]

I totally agree with the phone thing, I’m actually in the process of trying to get off my phone more, it’s actually really hard, I got my first slider phone when I was 15, not until I was almost 20 did I get a smart phone and it was probably not a good thing for me, I should’ve waited longer. There are options for phones that only talk and text for kids!

[@ArtichokeHunter]

remember when grimes said she was going to start a lesbian commune on mars (or possibly on Europa)

[@maxwee6949]

A (non identical) twin here, people thinking all twins are the same is making me crazy.. I have a twin brother, I myself am afab. And still people think we'd look somehow more a-like than other siblings(btw identical twins can not be different sexes), though we probably look less. We are not the same at all. We do not "have our own language", nothing 😭😭 and people always just seem so disappointed when they see us like "Oh, they're.... Just siblings.."

[@lilyrosebungle]

My childhood friends are identical twins (not sure if they’re mirror twins or not). One does happen to be gay whilst the other is not. Haha! I wonder how common that is in identical twins.

[@Mialotic]

It was an interesting episode. I do think a lot of these are country specific regarding public spaces. A lot of schools are also pushing more recreational activities here in Aus. I do like the point about being bored

[@hannahhowden8980]

Kids and phones is scary! Can us 90’s kids all just agree not to give the kids the phones??

[@baileydahuman8321]

Holy shit is said 58 seconds

[@SabrinaDomingo-hi8ni]

I’m a twin! Sounds like a mirror twin lol she’s right handed and I’m left. She’s straight and I’m a lesbian. Let’s gooo lol

[@Zweigenhaft9]

Permasoup is absolutely a thing

[@PeachNEPTR]

Mak needs a lesbian field correspondent.

[@Raddiebaddie]

If I am available I will always drive my friends to the airport! If I’m not able to that’s okay but my friends know to ask. I gotta be honest I doooo feel like it’s not reciprocated and no one aside from a parent has ever offered 😆 but y’all are right we don’t rely on each-other for favors anymore and it’s a lil sad

[@mariannetfinches]

Man I love a commune. No cultural appropriation though. But soup sounds good! Edit to add- I think with smartphones maybe it's a both/and situation. Sometimes you need to zone out from talking to people. But it's so worth taking the time to make community. Join a team, choir, club, hike, bizarre niche interest group. If you get chatting to someone who seems cool, actually ask them to hang out! Cook too much food & offer some to the neighbours. Like they say, it takes a village 😊

[@nahadoth2087]

A commune isn't cultural appropriation. Communal living was the norm basically everywhere pre-industrial revolution.

[@mariannetfinches]

​@@nahadoth2087 oh of course. No I meant when Ashley mentioned burning sage. Apparently it's become a fad for Americans who aren't indigenous, & it's leading to irresponsible harvesting of white sage, depleting stocks that had been carefully managed for centuries before colonisation. In some cultures it has important ritual & medicinal value, so they're not stoked about the current trend

[@DarkRulerHaDes666]

I deliberately chose not to have a cell phone for over ten years when I was trying, and failing, to get a band off the ground. 2013 through 2022, no phone. I was much happier. Part of that is because I'm a recluse, and prefer to be difficult to reach, though. EDIT: Not over ten years, that math doesn't math.

[@sydneyreynolds9414]

My fiancée is a mirror image twin and she is gay and her twin is straight!!!

[@stephben8042]

Permasoup is real

[@mariannetfinches]

Haha! why is KZbin offering to translate your comment to English

[@missanthrop0cene]

i love you guys 😂

[@jodymorgan2805]

Preindustrialization, heteronormativity was not nearly what it is now. Queen Victoria pushed really hard on industrializing and social controls which is a large part of the huge rise in heteronormative society.

[@scruffy_jobe]

I am listening on a smartphone, but I'm also playing Minecraft so do they cancel each out?

[@hnysdn]

Gillian Anderson on aleynas new pod would be interesting

[@benjulesrun9057]

don't worry mak, I don't think wins are a qb stat

[@liamcantin5107]

At some point they just started describing the average European neighborhood

[@hannabeth151]

Yooooo I have people in my life who are opposite gender twins and they both swapped genders later in life and they are so themselves and like meant to be that way it's crazy but i always wanted to know if there was any science or anything

[@mariannetfinches]

My brain took the "swapped" phrasing way too literally. I love the idea that they went to a hospital together & got a gender transplant 😅

[@alexwhitelaw2003]

guys I know you don't care cuz I can't afford even a dollar rn. but I'm telling u anyway. I got diagnosed Im now officially autistic and ADHD combined

[@RestlessSagittarius]

36:58 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE mention a trigger warning in the episode before talking about things like suicide in depth like you did in this episode. I see now that it’s in the description but I never look at descriptions when I start episodes, I just put them on the tv to listen to/watch while I cook dinner. My hands were busy cooking or I would have turned the episode off but because it took me an extra couple minutes to get to the remote I had to listen. I’m a 32 year old woman who struggles daily with anxiety and depression and has had suicidal thoughts in recent years and I had to start talking out loud to myself in the kitchen to try to drown out the episode. I love this pod and I’m sure you didn’t intend to trigger anyone but please try to be better about warning those of us with daily mental health struggles when you’re going to go this in depth about this specific topic. Thanks ❤

[@ashgavs]

Just an idea but maybe read the descriptions before hitting play? We don’t always know the time stamps before the edit is complete, so we can’t make audio warnings about exact locations. And locations vary from edit to edit based on the release platform so they can’t always be baked into thr audol. I hope this is helpful! ❤

[@karlie1752]

Oh shit heyyyyy

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

I think this also applies to parents of gen z kids. Was walking past the park today and saw parents on their phones while their kids played. Made me think about the "need" for devices that we've created as a society. Grew up watching blues clues on vcr and making mud pies. My first device was a laptop at 16 and I had no idea what to do with it other than play solitaire and email people literally sitting next to me :))

[@NK-qx6kk]

Maybe you mean gen alpha kids? Gen Z are in their mid-20s or finishing highschool, they're mostly grown up now.

[@Jayjay_way]

im a gen z and i think that some gen z thats like 14 and 15 years old most likely were raised like millennials tho we were raise playing in the dirt mud pies and all (srry for bad grammer)

[@sophiea1270]

Whoohoo I'm early 😄

[@SandraLugn-nc1rk]

God episode. Also not a patreon so partly my fault Achlys producer are their.

[@WolfSlumberStudy]

Haven't watched the episode yet- but I am dutifully joining said ultimate lesbian commune. 🫡 Any others wish to follow?

[@killdianette]

Somebody (i think it Alayna) has her mic picking waaay to much wet mouth noises 😅 im sorry but i know you'll undestand my pain. Can you tone it down ?