Ciaphas Cain: Actual Hero or Lucky Dimwit?

[@quiblydanger427]

Best Cain line is when a Khorne Berserker yells “skulls for the skull throne” he replies with “Give him yours!”

[@SebaztienHawke-ci5hm]

Harriers for the Cup!

[@320466]

Which they got knocked out of the tournament the next round...lol

[@LorenzoFerrari-d5e]

He has BALLS!

[@jackmack4181]

@@SebaztienHawke-ci5hm my favorite part in that book is when the Khorn beserker miss hears the chant of the guard as “Khaine”

[@PriesthoodPub]

I loved when Cain was being seduced/enchanted by the Slaaneshi witch and he snaps out of it, draws his laspistol and says "Sorry, I prefer blondes." then blows a hole in her chest lmfaoooo legend

[@theflyingeyeball]

A slanneshi demon once tried to tempt Cain by turning into his sexual desire. It became Amberly Vail. Cain then proceeded to shoot the demon for “pretending to be an inquisitor”

[@tdpuuhailee8222]

Identity theaft is a series crime!

[@broadmoretung]

Im starting to see how easily Ciaphas cain could have his reputation bloated if we the readers can't even get down his kill count correctly.

[@tanjiro2507]

Wasn't a demon but Slaneeshi female sorcerer. Fun enough she became a Demon Prince after be killed by Cain! 😂

[@broadmoretung]

​@@tanjiro2507 Spoilery... Technically Cain killed the slanneshi cultist leader Emeli from separate warzones. She was a cult leader who became a demon prince though probably not a psyker given they failed to notice Jurgen. The other was just a slanesshi empowered cultist that used their demonic gift to be perceived as someone's beloved to brainwash/kill them. Both being technically brothel mistresses and they do both share an appearance(one's first and only time and Emili's 2nd time fully ascended into a daemon) in the same book I guess, easy mistake.

[@void-creature]

​@@tanjiro2507no, you're thinking of a different one. It happens in the same book, but the one who ascended into daemonhood is from Cain's past, not the one in the Brothel impersonating Amberly

[@halofly3]

The idea that, Cain, finally dying of old age, thinking that he can finally rest. Only for him to just, POP, back in existence mid battle on some besieged world because the Guard was praying for deliverance would be a hoot. Like picture a now seriously confused Cain that's in his prime but is now in a gold commissar uniform, radiant aura and halo wondering how he got from his bed to a bombed-out church surrounded by wounded Guardsman. I had to add a little more, but can you think implications for the various departments and peoples of the Imperium? The Administratum is going to have to update Cain's records again and that one clerk is going to vow to eat lasgun if he has to change the files one more time. The Ecclesiarch would probably be confused that the Guard has a saint running around now and Cain's going to bug Celestien about how to be a saint. The Guard itself would want Cain in heaviest fighting leading the charge despite his best efforts to stay in the rear to "rally" the guard and civilians. Also, Cain will have to directly challenge Chaos marines and demons because it's his job now. Cain now being a living saint, would possibly (unwillingly)meet other more important people in lore and will have to keep up his front. I mean, can you imagine Cain attempting to "b*llshit" the likes of Guiliman, Dante, Straken, or the Inquisition? That's just the imperium too. Lastly, Cain needs to know about the books that have been published about his escapades just for his reaction.

[@GryzonNiepospolity9527]

I want this so much

[@anna-flora999]

"and if I had known what saying yes to that golden fracker would have led to, I would have taken my chances with the daemons"

[@williampanagopoulos656]

he would be just. So immeasurably sad to not have Jurgen ..

[@painlord2k]

I would see St. Celestine climbing "The Hill" and Chaiphas just following an inch from her "Spark" trying to hit on her. Then they are in some siege without hope.

[@KillerOrca]

@@williampanagopoulos656 Jurgen shows up right on time and with Tanna as usual. When asked where he was, he simply comments he couldn't find a samalvar of tea for the Commisar and had to go scrounging

[@OBIONEBARRONI]

*Tzeench: okay watch this shit - I'm going to take all the luck of these Lamenters and give it to this Ciaphas Cain dude! This is gonna be fcking hilarious!*

[@doc1292]

That actually explains alot

[@gammelboy15]

​@doc1292 would also explain why Cain feels like the emperor doesn't look at him, he literally doesn't because he's busy circumventing the shit that would eradicate the lamenters for good

[@khamsinfu1759]

A few years later - Oh no, it was terrible idea!

[@bjarnereniers]

@@khamsinfu1759 or was it all part of his greater plan ?

[@elyrienvalkyr8167]

Considering Tzeentch is literally the architect of fate... this must be true. His undue and unexplainable success MUST be from tzeentch, even if indirectly

[@mistertaz94]

One of the best Amberly and Cain moments is in my opinion when he faces a Shapeshifting daemon that reads minds and takes the form of whoever is most dear to the one who sees it. His first response is to blow its head off and say in a firm tone "Impersonation of an Inquisitor is a crime punishable by death" which when Vail finds out says is flattering to hear.

[@The_Anti_furry_General]

it was cain he shifted into becase he loves himself that much

[@tanjiro2507]

Not a demon but female Slaneeshi sorcerer. Fun fact she became a Demon AFTER be killed by Cain!

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

​@@tanjiro2507 no, that was a different Slanneshi sorceress.

[@tanjiro2507]

@@RipOffProductionsLLC oh yes you've right my bad 🤣

[@retnuhretnuh]

Can't believe they didn't bring up the fact that Cain dodged an assassination by turning his head to stare at a junior officer's ass.

[@kieranadamson3224]

Of fucking course he did. I swear to god half of this bastard's "luck" is actually just having very little self control when he's around a moderately attractive woman and I love it.

[@binarybiosphere]

wot?

[@anna-flora999]

​@@binarybiospherehe cranked his at to look at kasteens ass and that moved him out of the trajectory of a sniper bullet

[@retnuhretnuh]

@@binarybiosphere If I remember correctly, an assassin was controlling servitors to kill Cain, and right as the trigger was being pulled, Cain turned his head to look at a woman's "callipygian frame", which is ancient Greek for "Nice Ass". Needless to say, everyone who was there claims Cain noticed the assassin and turned his head just enough to avoid the bullet without losing sight of them. Superhuman reflexes that show the greatness of the Hero of the Imperium.

[@javiersolisbolivar3339]

It wasn't a junior officer, she was the colonel of the regiment, the sculptural valkyria of red head.

[@roguevector1268]

One thing that really sells that Cain is a genuinely good person under all that self depreciation is when he - like 4-5 books down the line and almost a century later in-universe - finds himself again on the same battlefield (a dam). Cain finds a memorial there made for the battle he fought there, and goes through the names on there. He's saddened by the fact that he can't remember the faces of one particular name (a local civilian who joined Cain and died at the battle for the dam) and becomes distressed until more pressing issues snaps him out of it.

[@jackmack4181]

In the beginning he was definitely a coward with the face of a hero but soon he was a hero wearing a broken mask of a coward.

[@espenmunnecke9644]

And i think he also had to use that same memorial as cover from a mechanicus servitor😂

[@Psyker_Unredactus]

​@@jackmack4181i think the Emperor was helping him along. Or he was an undetectable Iota Class Psyker who had natural 'luck'. Lots of neat theories.

[@akoda8887]

@@Psyker_Unredactus If he was a psyker, even a very weak one, I don't think he could have handled having a blank by his side so often and for so long. That one theory seems somewhat unbelievable. Big E helping him out sounds pretty reasonable, though.

[@anna-flora999]

​@@akoda8887 yeah. He'd either have to be such an incredibly weak psyker that he'd only count by technicality without actually getting anything out of it is, or such a monumentally powerful one that it would be impossible for the imperium not to discover him

[@ReaperGrimm5594]

Personal headcanon: The body in Cain's tomb is actually Jergen, since that was the only way he'd get the Hero's Burial that Cain figured he deserved. Cain and Vale are still out there, just a bit more clandestine now, and Cain is an actual Inquisitor now.

[@painlord2k]

I would like to see Inquisitor Caine (or Commissar Caine) interacting with Custodes (an eye of the Emperor, maybe).

[@overseerlemoine4707]

Naah he gets made into a custodes just for laughs

[@painlord2k]

@@overseerlemoine4707 Custodes Caine would be hilarious. You would have this monster of a fighter that always ends up facing things that would obliterate a planet with ease and he can survive just because of luck and competence. Just the amount of good luck you must have when a Custode competence runs out is enough to compensate for the Lamenters' Bad Luck.

[@SophieBPowerhouse]

While a lovely thought given how much Cain legitimately cares for Jurgen, it would be highly unlikely Cain would outlive Jurgen. Why? Because Inquisitor Vail makes it very clear in her notes on Cain's memoirs that, as much as she respects and genuinely cares about Ciaphas, Jurgen being a Blank is of exponentially more value to the Inquisition and the Imperium than even a hero of Cain's caliber (and Cain knows it). More likely, Jurgen will go into the service of Amberley more directly, and receive as many juvenat treatments as possible, living a life of deep loyalty to the Imperium, but also deep sadness because of the loss of his Commissar.

[@Piemasta9000]

My friend and I are under the belief that Trazyn has Ciaphas, because having The "Hero of the Imperium" sounded like it would be good for his collection

[@AsterikTeenus]

Ciaphas Cain, the Emperor’s silliest clown fighting his funniest battles -Pancreanowork

[@claireglory]

he is an eldar harlequin mutated to become human.

[@DC-hw7fw]

He's anything but a clown with how intelligent he is. Just at the wrong place at the wrong time on occasion, but it's clear none of you have read any of his stories.

[@AsterikTeenus]

@ my brother it’s a joke

[@rabidrednek]

Point of clarification, you don't get to pick your initial posting normally. Cain however went and found a Munitorum Adept who had something of a gambling addiction, and after an evening of cards, had won the ability to cherry pick his posting in lieu of all the money the adept now owed him.

[@DrX427]

Ciaphus Cain: I have witnessed every horror imaginable and unimaginable for the Imperium to face. Also Ciaphus Cain: Them thangs thangin'

[@notakoi3825]

He definitely do be like that

[@daisyjoy242]

“Them thangs thangin” 😂

[@dannyd.9932]

My favorite descriptor for Commissar Cain is: “Ciaphus Cain, the God Emperor’s favorite and silliest clown.”

[@void-creature]

His silliest clown fighting his goofiest battles.

[@sambrown9475]

I thought that was Peter Turbo?🤔

[@BigBWolf90]

Ciaphas Cain = the biggest self deprecating humble badass suffering from imposter syndrome

[@TheNaturalnuke]

@@sambrown9475that’s his saddest clown

[@sambrown9475]

@TheNaturalnuke thank you for clarifying 🙏

[@Rembanspellsong]

Cain is somehow simultaneously the luckiest, unluckiest, most skilled, most heroic, most cowardly, and nicest commissar in the entire imperium. He is just so self deprecating despite his competency.

[@notbob8252]

Yes according to inquisitors he had skill with a chain blade that was unmatched by most everyone except for space Marines And has apparently extreme accuracy and capability with his las pistol

[@MrAnimination]

Catachan troops, the entire planet made of 7-foot superhuman Rambo-types will muscles so thick they count as glak armour, claim to have never seen anyone pull a sidearm as fast as Cain. Source: The Devil You Know, audioplay.

[@TB14k2]

I’ll never forget the Dark Eldar Succubus interaction that Cain had. “The Great Devourer halted our plans of harvesting this system but monitoring your crude communications alerted me to a greater prize.” Malicia said. “And that would be?” Cain asked. “You…” “Oh I’m flattered but sorry to disappoint. I’m no one special.” The commissar replied trying to hide the turmoil he felt. “You are to me~” She purred back before explaining how far her status and power would grow if she captured him. Like this man’s status reached a point where some of the ruling elite of Commorragh would literally forego an entire system just for the chance to bring him back. Though the Tyranids certainly were a factor still, just another day for the Hero of the Imperium.

[@OK-yy6qz]

To be fair this is 40K so named characters are more powerful and valuable than hundreds of planets apparently

[@bombboy3427]

Just imagine if Cain got that revive now, and immediately got thrown into more work. Like, in his dieing thoughts he probably went on about "Yeah, I'm going to die, but at least this hell is over." And then to him it just goes *POP* He just appears on a battlefield somewhere and is immediately recognized "It's Cain! He's here to save us!"

[@Finwolven]

I mean, that would be _exactly_ how his legend would go. 'In their darkest hour, they prayed for deliverance, and the God-Emperor sent to them His Succor - Saint Ciaphas the Comissar, the Unconquered Blade, the Bane of Traitors, Lover of Inquisitors (rumored), and Scourge of the Unclean. He stood above them in his mighty Comissar Regalia, golden Chain-Sword in hand, aurumite Las-Pistol in the other and said upon them: "What? Uhm... Over there! Shoot those Heretics! I'll be going now..."'

[@auxilia5024]

Much to his annoyance, it's Tallarns

[@AniesR]

Cain is the epitome of "Suffering from Success"

[@rpgeoffrey]

They didn't believe in us, The Emperor did! - Ciaphas Cain probably

[@DezaltOfTheDreg]

- DJ Cain

[@ubanaga]

If he does become an undying saint I imagine his resurrection trails to be him reliving all those people who died that he has survivors guilt for. Imagine him reappearing into reality and if someone nearby has good hearing he's just quietly reciting the names of those he feels guilt for dying around him. Also Amberly's reaction to finding out he's become a saint would be hilarious.

[@madcrowlad3635]

that'd actually be rather chilling in a way especially us beyond the fourth wall and knowing those names and then having that outside look in as he respawns and hearing the recitation from unknowing ears.... not gonna lie shit like that tends to make me looking for onion cutting ninja's.

[@webdude15]

​@@madcrowlad3635then he says a known characters name like Cypher and we all look shook

[@grimlock1471]

No, Cain's task before he can respawn is therapy. He can't come back until he can admit that he really is a good person. :-)

[@ryuoh6928]

".... Shit." - Ciaphas Cain if that happened, probably.

[@balazscsotai8354]

Yeah, showing that even a comedic relief guy like Cain isn't immune from Warhammer 40K. Where everyone at best is miserable and worst, driven mad from PTSD, depression and Satan's 4 best buds

[@BloodKnight003]

44:09 Knowing Cain’s luck and 40k’s vibes he would end up climbing a pile of all of the aforementioned nobody guardsmen that only he remembers their names

[@KingKazul400]

Just like Naked Snake going through the Mangrove Swamp and seeing all the people he's killed in Metal Gear Solid 3.

[@painlord2k]

He would see a beautiful naked young lady climbing a hill and he would follow her to hit on her. Then he would find himself in a lot of trouble as Celestine materializes in the middle of some Sisters of Battle and he materializes behind her and crashes on her nether regions. Sister of Battle: "What are you trying to do with OUR Celestine??!!!"

[@dextreme7186]

Hilarious, but unlikely. I like þe idea þat every Imperial saint goes þough þeir own personal hell and þen comes back. Þen again, it would be perfectly on brand for him to just blip into hells of oþer saints and just WTF, BOOM! Ciaphas Cain stuck in a random battle/war wiþ literally any oþer Imperial saint and just _"Excuse me sir, but what are you doing here?" "I'm actually trying to figure þat one out myself."_ þen flip out þe second þe worshipper hears Caiphas say his name. Unless it's him being summoned specifically, he'll *POP* into oþer saint spaces. But if it is him specifically being summoned, it's his hell and þe most recent saint he interacted wiþ blips into his space instead, watch him do one of þe tasks þen say someþing somber and help him keep going. For his 'saint space' I like @ubanaga 's idea for his hell and @halofly3 's idea of his first resurrection.

[@broadmoretung]

@@painlord2k I see you stumbled upon banned Tallarn adult scriptures...

[@Lastofthesigilites]

More like they pulling him up that mountain.

[@shard2197]

Cain is probably just chilling with Vulkan somewhere and when Vulkan decides to come back, he would drag Cain along with him. That would then lead to a few misunderstanding and at the end Cain would be hailed as the hero that brought Vulkan back

[@LoneSilverW0lf]

Even funnier, as someone else mentioned if he somehow accidentally managed to free Clonegrim and follow him: Cain accidentally reunited the two brothers and ‘guides them back to the Imperium’.

[@kaldaer7366]

one thing that i wished you'd mentioned is that not only is caine stupid lucky and talented, dude is straight dedicated. while he was stuck in a droppod with jurgen for a few days he mentions that he started going through sword forms for 8 hours a day, almost double what he usually does. so every single day he practices for atleast 4 hours straight.

[@Rycel2001]

During a Black Crusade, Celestine, Sly Marbo, and Ciaphus Cain find themselves sent to Tzeench's Crystal Labyrinth. The Changer of Ways says, "You champions of the Anathema, you are now all alone within my realm. However, I promise to allow you to return to the Materium if you can reach the center of my infinite maze!" Celestine prays to the Emperor for guidance, showing her the way as she takes wing toward the center. Sly Marbo picks a direction, sets his chiseled jaw, and kicks down every wall on his way to the center. Ciaphus Cain looks around, seeing himself all alone. He asks the Great Conspirator, "Is what you said true? Am I truly alone?" "Perhaps," says the Chaos god. "Does it bring you despair?" "Despair?" Cain's eyes light up. "There are no battles here, no screams of the dying, no gawking stares or shrieks of adoration, no proclamations of glory or dire urge of accomplishing one suicidal task after the next. Here, there is no expectation of the impossible, no call to be the hero of anything. For the first time in centuries, I can finally take a moment of peace for myself." Cain breathes a deep sigh of relief and sits down in that very spot. Tzeench giggles as the floor falls away from under Cain, dropping him to the heart of the Crystal Labyrinth immediately below the starting point. "Congratulations, hero. Enjoy your reward!"

[@dragonsaint9446]

Cain fires a wild shot from his bolt pistol, which turns out to be some super rare blessed bolt round he loaded by accident, and he hits tzeentch in one of his eyes, permanently blinding that eye. Tzeentch is the thousand eyed god, so functionally this is minor cosmetic damage at best, but it is still one of a vanishingly small number of times a Chaos God has been injured. Cain is now hailed as the God-Blinder, and could not possibly hate it more.

[@gerrygunawan1304]

The question, how Tzeench can trap those 3 legendary being or saint to be at the same time ?

[@Rycel2001]

@gerrygunawan1304 I think the true question is not HOW he could trap them, but rather WHEN would there never not be an occasion when he couldn't not trap them, and if so then WHAT does π taste like?

[@Destultima]

“Oh you’re enjoying this? Hehe, welll nooo more”

[@Lightwolf_VR]

The best take on Cain I've seen is that he's an extremely competent, brave individual. But he's been brought up in a society where having normal emotions like fear is seen as sin. His barometers for normal were psy conditioned tempestus scions and battle sisters. So he feels the impulse to run, does what he needs to do anyways, and feels like he's an inferior being because he felt fear.

[@joeljohnston3390]

Caine stepping in and telling a squad of Kroot to stop beating up a guardsman by saying “This does not please the greater good.” Was amazing

[@MyH3ntaiGirl]

Where you people remember this stuff from Cain said that during the ambassador assassination, he said that to the Tau who holding a gun to the Governor head

[@snvhill]

"Does he literally have a 9/11 monument in his head?" Probably one of the most underrated but fitting things you can say about Cain. It's easy to forget and miss in the middle of all his babbling and evasions. But yeah: that's Cain. And the rare occasion it comes up, and drives him forward because he's dealing with someone who's eager to just kill more people for their own aggrandizement and delusions, you do NOT want to be on the other side of him!

[@johnsmith3085]

“Many a heavy-handed [to his unit] commissar ended up dying bravely for the Emperor while the enemy was mysteriously very far away.” -Ciaphas Cain

[@HalfTangible]

If you read between the lines, Cain is genuinely an incredibly skilled and competent warrior. He actually does the Commissar job of maintaining morale with a firm but fair hand. The problem is he also suffers massively from impostor syndrome and has what modern people would call a healthy survival instinct (which in 40k is just cowardly).

[@TheNaturalnuke]

He also ‘wrote down’ all his memoirs decades later, so he’s looking back on all his memories after decades of said imposter syndrome

[@ChaosActual1]

My personal head-cannon is that Cain was stolen by Trazyn, and one day, he will escape with Clone Fulgrim and take him back to the Primarchs, earning even more ridiculous honors and praise from Bobby G, and maybe the Lion just because he decided to stick with the Primarch during the escape for his own safety.

[@000Krim]

o7

[@KingLee-1337]

That would be fucking awesome. Genius idea!

[@kagato23]

“And we must commend this commissar, who even under heavy fire refused to take even a step away from our injured Primarch until he was safety returned to his sons!” In truth I just didn’t think a chance of survival existed if I moved away from the Primarch, wounded or not. Yes the necrons were all aiming at him but he was a very big target, easier to hide behind as cover than be caught exposed in the open.

[@Warlock3151]

I have a head cannon that might interest you then, my own is that trayzn has all the primarchs as babies still in their pods the moment after they land.

[@ChaosActual1]

@@Warlock3151 respectfully, that's dumb.

[@Doom_Guy__]

I think the abhumans need some love. Especially the Ogryns.

[@zachcamarillo4579]

Abhumans

[@jade_the_dragonperson3978]

Felinids

[@MusMasi]

@@jade_the_dragonperson3978 furries

[@lukkaredwolf3534]

It's about time that the only good guys in 40k got an episode...

[@SebaztienHawke-ci5hm]

I want to hear if squats are still a thing now that Votann have been imagined…

[@Psyker_Unredactus]

I love the image of Cain having his Blank friend next to him, and a Chaos Marine just going "what the fu- EW!! WHAT EVEN ARE YOU?!" And that opening creates an opportunity for Cain to chainsword the Marine.

[@Cannonfodder0617]

With Cain's history with Necrons, I'd like to think he's occasionally having tea with a certain kleptomaniac in between being in a display and biding his time for escape, just in time for something crazy to happen like the Emperors return.

[@Mr.Redink]

He might be, UNIRONICALLY, one of if not THE only person in the imperium which can actually finally defeat Lucius the Eternal.

[@nelsontraversi8307]

problem with licius is, if its not cain itself. If the maker of his sword is proud, he would possess the maker ..

[@kieranadamson3224]

​@@nelsontraversi8307I feel like the only way to beat Lucius is the Emperor or perhaps Guilliman with personally crafted gear.

[@Anaught-tbrk08]

​@@kieranadamson3224kriegsman with archeotech explosives giving an "Allahu Emperor" hug.

[@nicholascordero6600]

@@kieranadamson3224 Nah Dorn

[@zriiksparks5637]

Lucius was defeated by sigismund without any joy in it and Slaneesh dragged him back anyway

[@Romnipotent]

I want Ahumans, just to have Isyander and Koda talking like Ogryns. Cain's rebirth conditions: Once paperwork is filed on Cains Death he awakes. "The bureaucratic reports of my death were filed in triplicate prematurely."

[@brodyratliff7441]

Or if you want grim dark have it to where he relives the moments of the deaths of his soldiers that inly he remembers

[@jhart6764]

43:58 I feel like the worst respawn method for Cain would be all those that died for him cheering for him to continue to be the hero if the imperium. The more he inspires the longer he has to travel.

[@JCLegendary]

The most Grimdark fate for anyone with Impostor Syndrome. Unconditional respect and moral support.

[@bandannadee9370]

He is the type of guy to where after a few rounds of this, he would be booking it full speed to the end of the line till he runs the circumference of a red giant

[@darkdarklighting]

There was one woman that tried to get Cain three times. 1. As a cult leader of Slaanesh . 2. As a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh ( It should be Daemon Princess of Slaanesh) 3. As a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh and Cain got help from Khaine as he droped on top of the Daemon Prince of Slaanesh. ( Think Titanfall ).

[@jtfbreedlove]

3 is one of the few times an Avatar of Khaine is shown winning a fight.

[@bogustoast22none25]

“You’re born great, become great, have greatness thrust upon you… or you’re Cain and you’re fucking impaled by greatness… repeatedly.” -shakespeare.

[@lazywargaming6752]

One example i like of cain actually being a genuinely nice human being: During a battle an enemy tank is trying to shoot down a flier with him and a few troops in it. Well jurgan manages to hit it with the melta and is about to fire off another shot to end it, when a squad of troops rush the tank to drop a grenade in it, but also block juegan's shot. They won't move to he radios the pilot to just take off as fast of possible, to which amberly comments on the fact that any other commissar would have just taken the shot and vaporized the reckless guardsmen

[@hafirenggayuda]

I feel one of main reason he kept getting "weird luck" like this is because his love for humanity/ being nice, somehow make him blessed with great fortune

[@isaachaahr8691]

Cain has survived so much shit that the bureaucrats no longer list him as killed in action. Even after his death of old age he is in the rolls of the guard as missing in action.

[@Motleydoll451-r5r]

because the instant he is declared dead, the universe would conspire to drag ciaphas from the grave... and bring him back into service. like some heretek stealing the dead bodies of imperial saints, clone their flesh, and turn them into corrupt puppets of the imperium, resulting in the ressurection of cain as a kind of Frankenstein clone and being relieved then internally horrified when he gets dragged out to meet lord protector of the imperium Guilliman, who then sends him into battle alongside a new regiment. Caine is in a daze just trying to keep up with everything going on... like the last time he was alive... the sky was not cut in half.

[@bogustoast22none25]

That Bureaucrat was smart, if not far sighted. With the amount of reputation Cain has, there is a higher than 0% chance he comes back as a saint. Imagine you're a regular Guardsman, battle is going poor, and this absolute chad shows up with wings and halo atop his commissar's hat. You know who it is, you prayed to him everyday, and he gets straight to business while asking you for tea.

[@moy9948]

Cain becoming a living saint would be so dope imo. Imagine there's a battle where almost every faction is present and the guardsmen are at a loss, and during the peak of the conflict, when all seems lost, this figure appears out of nowhere turning the tide. Maybe he can come in a bundle with less powerful lvibg saint Jurgen as sidekick. Also if someone who has seen fught slaneeshi demons, been captures by dark eldar and has seen probably millions of guardswomen calls you wel endowed, you bet your sweet bippy she has some hadonka-handonkadoos

[@tdpuuhailee8222]

25:34 Cain: You are suppost to f*ck over the enemy, not each other.

[@17mindgate]

... well... I'm sure that Cain getting to "unload his bolter" into an attractive inquisitor/ "undercover dancer" would be a nice incentive to achieve high levels of success.

[@thebighurt2495]

And a Female Tech-Priest and a *very chesty* Governor's Daughter

[@arghanothername]

Cain is what happens when you select the traits ‘lucky’ and ‘unlucky’ at character creation. also, he’s a marvelously written example of the complexity of what being a ‘hero’ really means.

[@julianbello8376]

Wacky wasteland

[@XelvorasKakokamaeculi]

Ci- Ci- Ciaphus Cain Hero of the Imperium!

[@silverdust4197]

I now realize , Chiaphas Caine has a lot in common with Tanya (From Tanya the evil) Cain/Tanya to there superiors : why do you keep sending me to suicide missions ? i just want a safe , desktop job . there superiors : well , you keep wining these suicide missions and have become a national hero . So back in the front lines you go .

[@silverdust4197]

Ci-Ci-Chiaphas Caine 🎶 Ci-Ci-Chiaphas Caine 🎶 HERO OF THE IMPERIUM 🎶 Ci-Ci-Chiaphas Caine 🎶 Ci-Ci-Chiaphas Caine 🎶 HERO OF THE IMPERIUM 🎶

[@starsetgamer8914]

I literally thought of this song as soon as I saw this video

[@spuddringtontatortot7348]

25:34 “Cain, do you think love can bloom on a battlefield?” *Cain, with the most haunted look in his eyes:* Yes.

[@nironrik2751]

Do you know what book should I read to find this information

[@spuddringtontatortot7348]

@@nironrik2751 why're you asking me? I'm just watchin the vid

[@elis.5350]

Cain reminds me alot of Harry Dresden from Dresden files; he knows how scared and lucky he is and that he barely survives his adventures. Then you hear other people's perspectives either seeing him first hand or just the aftermath and he's shocked to find people and monsters are scared of him and see him as this unstoppable force of destruction who's very name keeps tons of unknown threats out of Chicago.

[@Anarchist_Black_Sheep]

Haven't thought of that, but yeah, that's an apt comparison.

[@5n4k3d0rk]

Cain has his Tanna, Harry has his Coke. Harry has Mister and Mouse, tho an argument could be made that Jurgen fits the bracket on smell alone...

[@Finwolven]

When your tagline is 'X was on fire, and it wasn't my fault', it tends to color people's perception of you.

[@travisstephens2062]

Commissar College has actual Blood Bowl Also, imagine Cain has to walk through his mental graveyard and recite every name to return

[@dariomeininger4541]

I think in the first book he states something like: „If you show the army you are good, they try to kill you even harder.“

[@cmdrvimes72]

I've said it before, but I do find the similarities between between Cain and Rincewind (Discworld) to be very interesting. Running away only to save the world, more competent than he realizes, and fits a particular description very well "a lightning rod for fate, kept alive by lady luck". I absolutely could see him stuck in the warp beating up daemons with pragmatism and an inate desire to get home. Now, since we got a bit about the horny space pirates in the full Eldar episode, lets hear about the Abhumans.

[@TravisJohnsonncc1701]

Cain is the Stainless Steel Rat in Warhammer 40K universe and I love him for it.

[@nuclearsimian3281]

I wouldn't doubt that Cain had a Lord of Change laughing their _ASS OFF_ following Cain just manipulating his luck and nothing else. Aww, I love Jurgen so much.

[@spanishinquisition7017]

It's been a pleasure mr lysander and Mr koda in a couple hours I'll be on a plane to basic training and I just want to let you both know that I love all of your work and when I get back ima gonna binge watch every single episode I missed

[@IsyanderandKoda]

Best of luck in basic, you have this in the bag! -Isyander

[@charlottehanley-jacobson8155]

@@IsyanderandKodathe reason it can’t be the Cain chronicles is because the Kane chronicles already exists

[@jonathanrobinson319]

If I had a nickel for every time Ciaphas Cain beat a Khornate Berzerker in melee, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

[@Finwolven]

It's weird it happened once. That it happened twice is proof that a) Cain is a beast with his chain-sword, and b) The Emperor Protects.

[@richardconstante6486]

If a had a nickel for every time Ciaphas Cain beat a daemon Princess, i'd have two nickels. Wich isnt a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice

[@bogustoast22none25]

@@richardconstante6486 It's weird it happened once. That it happened twice is proof that a) Cain is a beast with his laspistol, and b) The Emperor Protects.

[@SuperJogul]

Please, please throw Gaunt's Ghosts in the polling! Gaunt and Cain are my top two characters in 40k. Both are commissars but have very different styles . Love the video, have a great one!

[@lordhylia5745]

33:27: both Cain and Jurgen were trapped behind the ork lines, what Cain rallied all those people to break through the Ork lines was to get to some Tanna. (which someone noted that from then on Jurgen is always noted to have some on him for whenever the Commissar is craving some.)

[@THE-CRIMSON-CAPTAIN]

HEAR ME! WHAT THE HELL IS THE OUTRO MUSIC! IVE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE! I WISH TO SLUMBER TO ITS SOOTHING TUNES OF WHATEVER THAT SONG IS!

[@XanderKuro]

Well when he went against the Hive Tyrant it was because he was sandwiched between it and like 300 Gaunts, and he wisely realised "That thing might miss me and allow me to keep going, over 300 Gaunts WILL not miss, one of them will definitely kill me, so path of least resistance it is"

[@LorenzoFerrari-d5e]

This dude is the 40k version of the "Unkillable Soldier". He simply won't stay dead.

[@TheCorrodedMan]

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” “Harriers for the cup!” (BLAM)

[@Xenobears]

I personally fall on the side of Cain being a genuine hero with a case of imposter syndrome. Yes, luck plays a major role in his successes, but it’s his choices and skills that allow him to capitalize on his luck. For example, he spends a LOT of time honing his dueling skills-which grants him the reflexes and skill to survive situations where others would die instantly. His ability to think pragmatically and demonstrate caring for the troops around him inspires loyalty that results in actions that save his life several times over.

[@Salaas]

Always love how Cain and Jurgen are just Blackadder and Baldrick in 40K

[@GnohmPolaeon.B.OniShartz]

Hahahahaha

[@cameronpearce5943]

He's not dead, the Inquisition just needed to pull a Kryptman on Chaos by sending Gazkul after Angron

[@steinarbergstl5799]

Ghazghkull isn't connected to Cain. That would be the _other_ superfamous commisar hero who's now (supposedly) dead, Sebastian Yarrick, or as the orks know him: Ol' Bale Eye. Ghazghkull's favourite enemy.

[@TheAnon03]

Arguably Cain's just competent enough to know just how lucky he was, most self styled "big damn heroes" believe their own PR.

[@AdamDayXCOM]

I like the idea that Cain is finally killed by the Adept in the Administratum that has had to file and then reverse Cain's demise reports. He's finally had it, and you're staying dead, and he backs a truck up carrying all of the paperwork Cain's been responsible for and dumps it into his room, burying him alive. And THEN Cain respawns into a warp entity of the Emperor and it gets assigned to the same Adept.

[@antoniomami4944]

This is would be hilarious if this became cannon.

[@cbweno1]

Fun 40k fact, most blanks have some incredible character quirks. Jurgen isn't alone by being smelly. I believe if you read enough it is hinted as a mechanism for them to be acknowledged.

[@paulpaul006]

40k imperium is filled with young men and women dying for the emperor, and old men wishing that the Emperor just stop looking at them for 4 seconds and let them die.

[@glawenclattuc3127]

I just had an entertaining thought: What if Cain finally did die, and then woke up. He’s an eternal and has no reason to fear death. But he woke up on a small agriworld and has been living quietly.

[@alexanderblack8852]

Eternal gibbering in repressed terror. It's 40k. There are fates worse than death. Far too many.

[@Gimorian401]

I love the Cain books, it has funny moments but sitting back and thinking of what he gets into and how people twist it to make him look like a legend is so funny to me Abhumans would love to hear more about would love to see you guys do different stuff too, I love your dynamic

[@master11211]

In terms of his competency for his melee skills he's very good and practices everyday, but he still can't really beat a space marine specially a Kornate berserker, he more or less held his own against them until Juegen could line up a melta shot. But he did spar with a tech marine and landed the first blow, the space marine was impressed and realized he underestimates him and then Cain couldn't land another blow throughput the spar, so he can get a 1 up on a space marine when lucky but can't outright beat them consistently. Edit: tech marine, not apothecary marine.

[@ambion19]

People forget just how heavily wounded the khornate marines were, and that only Cain only matched with them momentarily, purely on the defensive, until Jurgens familiar melta. But that's precisely the kind of context that everyone in the stories forgets too, and so the legend grows

[@thebighurt2495]

Funnily enough, it was a Techmarine. From an *Iron Hands* successor chapter. Cain actually managed to nick the dude's armor (and instantly figured he was screwed) and the Techmarine laughed it off and said he would leave the mark as a permanent reminder to never underestimate your opponent.

[@master11211]

@@thebighurt2495 ty for the correction, must have misremembered it as a apothecary marine and not a tech marine, will make the edit!

[@janstankiewicz9816]

Sneaking in the abba lyrics... This podcast is an underrated gem.

[@TavernsnWyverns]

I caught that Sam O’nella edit at 31:15 Koda, you sly fox with great taste.

[@usernamealreadytaken9330]

Cain reminds me of Tanya from Saga of Tanya the Evil. Both fighting for their life trying to get out of the frontline, but ended up got push further and further deep into combat. Somehow kept doing the impossible task and thriving on the misunderstanding.

[@jamesschardt]

Ciaphus Cain is based on the character Sir Harry Flashman from a series of books called "The Flashman Papers". These books chronicle the misadventures of a cowardly British officer who fails upward the same way Cain does.

[@glawenclattuc3127]

From the sounds of it, if you enjoy Cain books you might enjoy a book called Cugel The Clever. Interesting fact: Cugel named himself “The Clever”

[@denizsagra6961]

ok in warhammer40K context, for someone to be THAT lucky you got 2 options. 1) you have the direct protection of the emperor, 2) you have the direct protection of Tzeentch and I considering how powerful the emperor is in current setting, I don't know which one is a bigger flex

[@Jfk2Mr]

Having both at the same time?

[@denizsagra6961]

@@Jfk2Mr aint thats an unlikely alliance lol

[@rybread3981]

"ok Anathama, I admit, the primarch pranks got liiiittle -just as planned- out of hand, so tell ya what, pick a dude, any random one, and I'll help you do what eeeeever you want with him. Or maybe I won't? What is help anyway?"

[@dracorex426]

He has the protection of the Emperor, the Star Child, Imperious, the Sanguinor, Tzeentch, Khorne, Slaanesh, Nurgle, Malal/Malice, the Raptor God, the Dark King, Ans'l, Mo'rcck, Phraz-Etar, Vashtorr, Khaine, Cegorach, Isha, Ynnead, Vect, Dromlach, the Starweaver, the Voidweaver, the Skyweaver, Qah, Gork, Mork, the Black Angel, Morkai, Blackmane, the Erlking, Mother Fenris, the Machine God, the Omnissiah, the Motive Force, Urgothon, Gmork, Vawk, and the Goddess T'au'va. However, he's always standing next to a Blank so none of that actually matters.

[@augustweightman272]

Ci Ci Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM

[@louijensen475]

Ci Ci Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM

[@TheGeoArchaeologist]

Bruva Alphabusa: “CI CI CIAPHUS CAIN HERO OF THE IMPERIUM” *while he cries in his room from crippling imposter syndrome*

[@Blood.Angel.]

ULTRA DEPRESSION!!!!!!!!

[@spaxxor]

Isyander, you should talk about Top Fuel/funnycars and how every number related to them is a phone number, from the price, to the insane pressure the charge is at, to the fact that a stock hemi of that displacement won't turn a top fuel blower... I'd love that episode The tires last 4 runs... if that. Also, the best Funnycar driver is still racing, he's still the guy to beat, and he's 74, because John Force is a LEGEND.

[@Nonogonia]

Fun topic idea: your own favorites (or perhaps personal creations) of 40k fanfic, head-cannons, or custom models/legions/factions. I would love to hear it!

[@buk1237]

Wait, Turtles is an option? TURTLES!

[@coolnamebro7363]

IIRC there was a story where Cain was fighting along side Space Marines and mentally was like "OMFG these guys are going to see through me any second and kill me for being a coward, I need to act my ASS off if I want to survive." And played the 'Brave and daring Hero' persona, meanwhile the marines could literally smell the chemical that humans release when they're afraid through his skin and were like "Wow this guy is terrified beyond belief, but he's still putting himself in the worse spots in spite of that. This guy might be one of the bravest people we've ever met, I never expected him to live up to his legend but he does." Also Abhumans please, Ogryn boys need an episode.

[@T3CH33]

Cain has realities worst case of imposter syndrome

[@thetromboneguy]

I love Cain. One of my favorite characters to read about in the universe. As for the next video the ab humans sound interesting

[@SerasXHarkonnen]

I think you just introduced me to my new favourite character in 40k. Most 40k characters are too perfect, too brave, or just overall too much to be relatable, but not Cain, he's just a genuine guy that feels fear, wants to be liked, and has a conscience.

[@starsidescav9487]

I love the idea in regards to the bombshell psyker Amber is editing them, sees what he wrote n also having met the psyker goes "...yea she is pretty noteworthy" and just leaves it in.

[@raider3167]

So the thing about Blanks and Psykers are that there’s levels of them, because everyone is connected to the Warp. At the very top, you have beings like The Emperor, Magnus the Red, the Chaos Gods, and Malcador the Sigilite. A bit below them are the Eldar, the very rare human, and a few of the more sensitive Weirdboyz. At the very bottom of the list are the Pariahs, Blanks so powerful they can make psykers explode by standing near them. The Sisters of Silence were all Blanks, and while only a few of them were true Pariahs, the Emperor’s personal squad were able to cancel out the way his powers affected them. All this is to say there’s more Blanks and Psykers than the Imperium would have someone think. Most of them are the weakest of them. Some human Psykers who aren’t taken into the Black Ships as a child and either fed to the Astronomicon or given a fragment of the Emperor’s torment to sanctify them just… live normal lives. Some are just incredibly lucky. Some are super empathetic, or seem really in tune with nature… and some can never be lost as long as long as they have a destination in mind. Commissar Cain is, in my opinion, a weak Psyker. Combined with his Commissar training, we’ve seen him be both highly resistant to daemonic influences and possess a strange gut feeling that disguised demons weren’t quite what they were trying to be, while the regular human Guardsmen around him got seduced and slaughtered by Emeli and her handmaidens.

[@JP-rx8wl]

One thing that was missed is that, due to Cain's supernatural ability to show up in the most heroic and desperate of times, Imperial records stopped marking him as KIA cause he would also just show back up. So during the 13th black crusade, he was recorded as active duty on Cadia, even though, according to Amberley, he had been dead and buried with full military rites. Which is an uncommon thing for commissars.

[@hafirenggayuda]

I mean, there are probably other comissars, like Yarrick, who just seems wont die for various reason. The Imperium kinda superstitious about this matter

[@vaclavsoukup7302]

@@hafirenggayuda Tbf, superstitions in a super-religious star empire like the Imperium and with the Warp included can easily become reality.

[@AndrosesRebel]

I remember getting one of his books when I was like 12 with my first boxset of I.G . Love these podcasts makes working a 12 hour shift, painting minis, or just chill so much fun. Keep it going guys

[@marshy480]

Honestly at this point I'd probably watch anything by you two, no matter if Warhammer or not. The dynamic is just too perfect and makes great background sound while doing things like cleaning

[@victorpollina9616]

I want Cain to come back and meet Ghaz Ghoul. I feel like that would be an awesome story

[@Kameth]

Cain is possibly the most successful commissar the Imperium has ever seen - by not acting like what a commissar is 'meant' to act. He is incredibly popular amongst his people for his acts of mercy, kindness and valuing their lives, resolved a conflict between the Tau by showing some basic empathy, and his fear keeps him out of the grave. And the Imperium learns nothing from this, changes nothing, in fact only working around him like keeping him permanently on the books as alive rather than repeatedly update his paperwork.

[@BigBWolf90]

Commisar: that's it i can't stand Cain! I'm gonna challenge him to a chainsword duel! Guardsman: you know he managed to stand toe to toe in a practice duel with a Space Marine and scar said Space Marine's armor right? Space Marine: i saw the mark on the armor myself. Inquisitor: it's true. Commisar: *0.0*

[@ngominh259]

They had the wits to compare their brand new looking chainswords to Cain's battered one and saw that they didn't want any of that 😂 Beije and Forres were at least smart in that sense.

[@iankennethgalbraith4278]

Another week and I'm still here. Thank yall again for yall help. Am graduating in May and it's been good. Would love an abhumans video. Thanks as always and look forward to another week

[@potatodono]

Just finished his books and found your video. You guys made my day.

[@ambion19]

Ciaphas Cain is such a fun example of selfish altruism. What he WANTS is comfort and safety and luxury. And to get it, in his own words - he needs the maximum number of bodies between him and the bad things, and those bodies need to be the most well trained, best equipped, best motivated they can be, to maximise cains chances.

[@walkerred8220]

I highly recommend Ciaphas Cain Warmaster of Chaos, a fan story following Cain bumbling his way into a leader of Chaos by complete accident

[@lordcommissarspartan]

I think the Abhumans deserve a bit of love, not just the common Ratlings and Ogryn. I'd love to hear the reaction to the admission of the existence of the Felinids, lol As for an off-topic episode, the Galapagos Islands are neat. I'd be interested to see you lads go over that fascinating show of evolution.

[@NoxTheZombie]

When a bunch of the imperial guardsmen see Cain come out to the battlefield and start chanting “Cain Cain Cain”.

[@scythebergon418]

I like your back and forths and honestly you point out some things i missed.

[@PrinceOfDolAlmroth]

Having fought the hive tyrant in Space Marine II, I don't care that he's a self-described coward; beating a hive tyrant as a regular dude is beyond impressive.

[@TB14k2]

Agreed, I’d go farther and say surviving a direct encounter alone is already legendary.