These Elderly People’s Stories Of An Early, Unsafe Version Of Disneyland Will Terrify You

Wow, this is utterly terrifying. Disneyland used to be so scary.
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[@TheNickNuttall]

“He didn’t look a thing like Donald Duck.” The bitterness in that line just kills me.

[@sophia-eh4mu]

this whole video is fake lol

[@cr04]

TheNickNuttall "I just hope Donald Duck got out alive"

@@sophia-eh4mu no shit lol

[@iwillbeginagain]

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus

[@pugassassin5591]

@@sophia-eh4mu They know idiot

[@mtcm1999]

Back in those days you saw a pirate you shot a pirate... I have no regrets

[@BeKazzled77]

This part particularly resonated with me. Have I ever met a pirate in real life? Yes. Did I shoot him on sight? Yes. Did the courts insist he was an actor performing Shakespeare in the park? Absolutely. Do I regret one moment of my 7-year confinement in prison? No way.

[@robotorix2599]

Im a pirate i pirate movies

[@criisp6240]

Maria McD it’s fake

[@mystyx9594]

Be Kazzled Probably the most underrated comment I’ve seen in my life

[@spacesponge8732]

@@ishid_anfarded_king Is your profile picture Locke? If so, I salute you.

[@saragoya]

"I just wish we'd all survived..."

[@Professor_Utonium_]

I know what this channel is, but I still had to rewind to make sure I heard that right lol

[@JJ-Trick]

they really set the stage with that line

[@frostreaver1]

I didn't realize what channel it was at first, that line made me double check

[@colemattia6459]

Jespoh Slinat I DIDN'T REGRET ANY OF IT

[@bubbles7608]

Neat, 666 like

[@mangoshake3837]

I honestly thought this was real for a few seconds. I only started questioning it at the drunk Donald Duck part. I then checked what channel I'm watching this on. I think it's time for me to go to sleep.

[@mrhupwop981]

Mango-Tango So you realized it was fake almost immediately.

[@mangoshake3837]

Mr Hupwop Yup, pretty much.

[@MawoDuffer]

I don’t know what you mean? This is the most reliable news source.

[@laycebug3260]

Mawo Duffer Second most, actually. I get most of my news from The Onion and ClickHole.

[@battleknight872]

I am so tired I thought this was real for most of it until the branding and polio

[@CrimeMinister1]

85% fatality rate dear lord

[@CodfishJoe]

Mr. Joebro that's pretty good for silica beads ingested by small children

[@criisp6240]

Dumb Turtle it’s fake the video was a joke

[@malachi9695]

Criisp well his name IS dumb turtle LMAO

[@moxifica1924]

April fools? *cries from ptsd* AHHHH

[@eceetv4280]

Ikr it's way too low. :)

[@ceruheehoo3068]

Tbh Disney was better with the dangerous rides. Remember when Space Mountain was just their landfill that they stacked so high that you could jump off the top and leave Earth’s gravitational pull? Good times.

[@kumeno6507]

Joseph Johnson wait what

[@howdoyoudo5949]

@@kumeno6507 Yeah, space mountain was great back then.

[@Mega9466]

Yeah it was the best

[@themousketeers4736]

Remember when haunted mansion was just a bunch of corpses lying in a poorly lit room?

[@Mothman-185]

The Mousketeers You’re making me miss the good ol’ days.

[@TheSuperCommentGuy]

The Tomorrowland polio bit is so good

[@fiery_warmonger_v2465]

I never I thought I’d see “tomorrowland”and”polio”in the same sentence

[@Hellowhoaryou]

Polio kills

[@mojavehippie]

Oh you think polio is good do you?

[@pizzashark7067]

This is fake. The Donald Duck greeter was in fact a Pole, and most certainly not a Frenchman; and the liquid was petrol, not alcohol. Seeing these sorts of amateur inaccuracies in educational material is absolutely disgusting. Some people will believe this, you know.

[@francoviollaz5586]

Pizza Shark r/Whoosh You simply don not believe something from clickhole

[@oilspillsignlanguageandsqu7990]

Not Evan r/woosh same thing with the last one.

[@BeKazzled77]

Most people don't even realize that the Polish Duck would use the petrol for fire-breathing. I show people the welts on my arm and I say, "Look, this is where Polish Duck burned me." They think by "burned" I mean "made fun of", and I get emailed a link to the local burn units. It's not funny.

[@blungle]

Franco Viollaz when you try to use r/Whoosh but you end up getting r/Whoosh 'ed

[@afoolishmortal4912]

Knowledge at it's finest.

[@wormiirow]

“A bunch of us contracted polio in Tomorrow Land” I C A N T

[@mojavehippie]

SpikyDog369 You can’t contract polio? Well vaccines are one heck of a thing aren’t they?

[@user-tn1wo4md4n]

@@mojavehippie >polio vaccines >1948 Rethink what you just said

[@HunterDominic]

Mojavehippie /r/whoooosh

[@elbretto6062]

@@HunterDominic How is that a whoosh

[@IzzyRJQ]

@@elbretto6062 I don't think these good people know how to take a joke

[@IndianaJoneFan24]

I hear they still occasionally bring out a drunk Frenchman to be Donald Duck for the day. Sadly, the last time I went the Frenchman was on medical leave, so Donald was played by a Russian man who I later learned was the park's Rasputin impersonator.

[@slightlyistorical1776]

Blake Belladonna lucky

[@lzrshark617]

Must.... resist..... RA RA RASPUTIN! LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN!

[@kademcarthur5362]

He didn’t die, he just moved back to France, now he works at Eurodisney

[@pleasegivemelikes7410]

I clicked on this video not knowing it was a click hole video

[@broderickfamily1924]

Please give me Likes same and I thought the branding Mickey head was so real

[@moralitiesaspook168]

I remember my first branding at Disney god that was such a good experience

[@ville7762]

Todd Howard i just bought skyrim on every possible platform.

[@Retro3]

vilho games I love how your comment has nothing to do with anything 😂😂

[@ville7762]

HighWayStudios fucking todd changed his name

[@adventurestar2014]

Are you a masochist?

[@CrazyRiverOtter]

"Disney thought the future was full of Polio." I mean, he wasn't wrong.

[@frankenspine98]

My grandma was a survivor. She was one of the few people to ride Howard’s Hot Car and live

[@richardcletus6026]

Jesus that man sounded salty about that drunk frenchman

[@swagshoes6833]

I didn’t realize this was clickhole at first and I was so confused.

[@Chongolart]

Same

[@demi5961]

Can you do a video on how Tony Hawk is Stephen Hawking’s son

[@hullstar242]

Demiurgic, dont be ridiculous. This is no time for jokes.

[@kryspy5160]

@@hullstar242The video is a joke

[@threesixtydegreeorbits2047]

@@ahahm3look! Spy Blyat got r/wooshed!

[@Amy-qv3oq]

Vice versa would be ok too.

[@canceroushit5933]

I actually believed this for a second and then “those who survived” I started losing my shit.

[@adistantwail8419]

While it's true Disney's first attempt at bringing his mascots to life was unsuccessful, it certainly wasn't his last. While some praised Donald's gritty realism and uncanny beak, others weren't so convinced. Shortly after the mixed reception to Donald and other French drunkards, Walt decided to realize his mascots to their full potential. He put his Frenchman down and then proceeded to employ real animals as his mascots. Walt's new vision began with the unveiling of Mickey- a mouse with black cardboard circles superglued to its ears, Donald- a duck with an eyepatch, and Goofy-a stray dog with rabies (the foam at his mouth made him look goofy, hence his name.) After unleashing the vermin loose into the park, complications arose. Mickey kept dying from being trampled on by guests' feet, in addition to the mousetraps the janitorial staff kept setting around the park. Mickey's replacements grew costly and were soon replaced with rats to save money, however, the rats multiplied quickly and conquered the park, leading to a three-day standoff with authorities until their eradication the fourth day. Control over Disneyland was taken back by Walt soon after that. As for Donald and Goofy, guests kept mistaking them for free meals, and the two were constantly taken home for slaughter. Walt would go on to have many more unsuccessful attempts at bringing his creations to life, including the use of black magic and homeless men. Eventually, mascot costumes came to fruition and became a huge hit, such a huge hit in fact that Walt gave strict instructions to be buried in a Mickey Mouse costume upon his death. However, this taboo decision cursed the land of future generations. In consequence, furries were born.

[@oilspillsignlanguageandsqu7990]

A Distant Wail You see the curse was a time ripple that effected history all togheter but 40% of all humans around him mutated into anthropomorphic animals. The government almost killed them off but went on to live underground. Some trade deals were done with the countries but after the 80's they seal themselves off in a rocket to the moon. That's why we can't go their no more.

[@afoolishmortal4912]

I knew Walt Disney was evil.

[@losthersheep728]

I read something about this, Walt creating chimera out of animals and people in an attempt to have his mascots as realistic as possible. The sucsessful ones didnt live very long and died horrible painful deaths... I don't even want to imagine what happened to the unsuccessful ones...

[@reptilienkonig6551]

Oilspill's correct; in fact, those mutated anthropomorphic animals gave off so many pheromones that kids had no choice but to try and reproduce with them, thus spawning a generation of Furries

[@lzrshark617]

*Bendy and the Ink Machine intensifies*

[@ColCobra]

If I've said it once I've said it 1,000 times, this channel was so brilliantly ahead of it's time

[@micromints1735]

I love how ClickHole loves to just occasionally nearly abandon comedy altogether and just become severely fucked up.

[@aaronmontgomery6977]

This is comedy lol

[@svrvphimprod]

it's a fucked up sort of comedy

[@hobgoblin8038]

At least the pirates were actors.

[@DrunkenUFOPilot]

Actors are cheap, a dime a dozen, so the guns are not really a problem. And it's good for young children to learn new skills!

[@Pyco_]

“That French Duckman made sure we were drunk.” Never expected to hear that in my life.

[@tanaka1477]

remember that sorting the comments by "new" is always the best for these videos

[@idax111]

It took me WAY too long to realise it was satire lol

[@Lucky-ei6yh]

Same lol

[@achannel5186]

Oh yeah remember when you went on the Alice in wonderland ride you actually fell down a 6 ft hole good times

[@zdproductions3903]

Didn't open with the park

[@loginyes3745]

@@zdproductions3903 did pirates of the Caribbean

[@zdproductions3903]

@@loginyes3745 no, not until after Walt Disney's death, but he has almost everything to do with it

[@wishiwasabear]

Today disney only does freeze branding since it is less painful

[@ShenDoodles]

It's less painful *at first.* Then the ants wake up.

[@rootbeer_666]

There was a time in the late ‘60s when they’d carve The Mouse into your arm with a heated butter knife. I think they got the idea from that singer Charlie Manson, but they thought that the forehead was too hard to put the brand so they stuck with the arm. My uncle disagrees and regrets not getting that sweet forehead mouse. He nonetheless cherishes what he has.

[@milkmonstrosity]

I swear if you released this in 2005 people would've thought it was real

[@TheCoyoteHill]

Bro lmao. That polio joke was top tier

[@PKIVV]

Smh, Disney Land didn't happen. It's all a front put up by the government that would allow them to pass more safety laws. Unlike the olden days, thill rides are hardly thrilling without the chance of death on any one of them.

[@coalkingryan881]

Proof that the world has gone soft. We need more amusements parks willing to go against modern ideals

[@jinglejanglers7656]

I assume Howard's Hot Car! was operational at this time.

[@lzrshark617]

Yep; it was located next to the Lead Paint Cafe and the Rusty Nails Ball Pit

[@NextToToddliness]

"Back in those days; you saw a pirate, you shot a pirate." - 😂

[@redyellowpink01]

Someone make the survival horror game of this

[@andrewhenderson1962]

I don't remember this SCP entry.

[@snubnosedmonke]

watching this on April Fools Day. wow i got clowned so hard

[@ws5606]

Props to the 75 Australians who liked the video

[@hydroflow2144]

spell it upside down so the australians can read it lol

[@cowboybarbaryn1302]

Nothing is sacred to Clickhole, I fucking love it.

[@ashtonhatter5179]

“I mean they weren’t real pirates, they were actors, but we didn’t realize that as kids!”

[@poopa_stinka]

“I have no regrets”

[@plasticshorts6972]

The "inside out" ride gets a whole new meaning.

[@trustworthy_hypocrite1838]

"A bunch of us contracted polio in Tomorrow Land." *I choked on my saliva at this*

[@clydedisney6569]

I lost my father in the 50s. Uncle Walt was a bit strapped in the early days so he leaned on the family. So many of us were asked to work for free in that park. My father was shot playing one of the 'Pirates' he was in a coma for three months before he finally passed. Walt thought it was somehow 'touching' to have one of the actors speak at his funeral in the Goofy costume. The actor was my uncle Herb. Walt thought it was 'insensitive' when he asked to be paid.. My mother went to her grave cursing Uncle Walt's name. Even us children were expected to pitch in for the success of the Park. Over half of the Mousecateers were Disney cousins working under stage names. I was Moochy. I was mollested by the Fat Guy when I was 9 years old. We all thought we were getting Stock in Buena Vista for our contribution to the Park's success. What we finally got was lifetime passes to the Park. When Uncle Walt died.. the Company would no longer honor them. M i c.. see ya real soon.. k e y...why? Because we like you! I am still undergoing Therapy.

[@jellysquid8077]

My grandma was a part of this group. She said the worst attraction was "Great Moments with Mr. Vlad."

[@criisp6240]

Mr. Jellysquid this was never real you’re grandma was a liar

[@jellysquid8077]

Criisp I know. My joke went right over your head.

[@criisp6240]

Mr. Jellysquid nice “joke” lmao my b

[@GreaterGrievobeast55]

Honestly despite all the first parks faults the AI for those animatronic children in the its a small world ride was incredible. The Australian kid being able to replicate an entirely new song at a moments notice after its instrument was taken was just one of their many contributions to Disney as a whole. Of course their interferences in the rapid expansion and infection of the other machines of the parks would have very well doomed the entire coast of the US. They had to be banished through a ritual in the beastly kingdom that resulted in the destruction of the entire area, not just from the site but existence. Though I still hear rumors of the old designs lurching about in the corners of the place if your lucky enough to spot it.

[@jazr4224]

My great grandmother experienced this it was horrific from what she told me

[@ShenDoodles]

Back then, Toontown was just a tavern full of drunks with face paint. They forced you to join them in sing song, and if you messed up they killed you, took you apart, and turned you into an animatronic.

[@ShenDoodles]

I'm serious as lynks disease. They would paint the walls with biohazard symbols and scream at you if you called them crazy.

[@KasioGames]

And then you’d have to play a trombone

[@mojavehippie]

I hear some of the animatronics they made are still in use in different parts of the park.

[@musik350]

yep, and lynks disease spread there too, since they weren't dealing with clay

[@jellyjub1690]

"Interview with the survivors of Disney land"

[@mizstories9646]

The menacing Mickey shadow in the background is the cherry on top of this awesomeness lol

[@sightseeing7993]

"Trying to invent Dip n' Dots."

[@zade8586]

My favorite channel.

[@nicholasr79]

"Disney thought the future was full of polio." 😃

[@randomwowjunkie]

And he was right! At least when it came to us...

[@eewilson9835]

I must add, the swing ride, and all the other rides, did not used to have ropes or fencing around them. Dumb or distracted, kids were always getting clocked in the head, and knocked down while every one laughed and said are you OK? while smiling. The State Fair is very dangerous in the 1980s.

[@cassie1790]

I kept it together until the Polio bit. I can't stop laughing

[@rootbeer_666]

The least Walt could have done was warn everyone before he burned it all down. But he didn’t know that not everyone was sick. He didn’t know.

[@owentev3348]

Why is this channel so fucking hilarious, whoever the hell has the funds to make fun of the buzzfeed-like channels like this deserves the nobel peace prize

[@itsbrewsky5519]

"Back in those days you saw a pirate, you shot a pirate." Wish we could still say the same...

[@BobRossCat]

"I just wish we'd all survived..." ruh roh

[@the8box]

Do you think this video is a joke? Do you seriously think that REAL PEOPLE didn't die? This generation is just shameful.. 😞

[@michaelgodfrey2dable]

Pirates of Caribbean?😂😂

[@joelhellsten6944]

”That french duckman made sure we were drunk before we even went on a simgle ride”

[@Sachicodao]

The final shot is perfect. "I just hope Donad Duck got out alive." Spoiler alert: he didn't.

[@ungrave5231]

Every once in awhile a clickhole video pops up in my recs after I watch some history videos, and I don't realize who posted the video. Took me a bit to recognize the format at 2x speed.

[@ummthatminecraftguy]

I love your channel so damn much

[@robertsides3626]

Damn it! I clicked without reading the channel's name. The way it got so dark so suddenly had me for just a second.

[@eceetv4280]

I truly was born in the wrong generation for heaven's sake! Why can't we all just return to time when things were simpler? 😢😢😢

[@adventurestar2014]

No way, I am NOT going back to a time when all of THIS could've happened to me if I went to a single Disney park!

[@Julie-qb9if]

"I have no regrets"😂😂 i cant

[@youblinked8019]

Lol I got a six flags ad at the end XD

[@lunedogg]

wow I am so glad things have changed! I would not have wanted to go to Disneyland back then :(

[@elijahakimenko567]

Love this channel such good comedy

[@thatoneguywiththeextremely8182]

85% mortality rate means 20 people tried it, and 17 of them didn’t survive

[@randyl9071]

Good humor. Well done!

[@chimerathekid6630]

I was so confused until I realized it was clickhole 1/4 into it.

[@turtellok4964]

"If there was any splash at all, it was certainly coming from your own blood"

[@youknoweverything7643]

I love this channel so freaking funny and funny ppl think the videos are real haha

[@abrahamvanhelsing6723]

This is the best dark humour channel

[@1omo13]

I got a Disneyland ad before this vid

[@dragonridley]

Ian Malcolm was wrong. When Pirates of the Caribbean broke down, the pirates did in fact eat the tourists.

[@dedfiesh5921]

I'm crying *This is the best*

[@apho-sappho]

My great great uncle was one of the first kids to die in the first disneyland 🥳So proud of my family heritage!

[@GamingPenis]

known this channel for years, yet got fooled by this in the first minute

[@sawyerswitzer]

i forgot this was clickhole for a minute and was so confused

[@mariano1335]

Ima show this video to my future kids so I can save some money

[@stevermacsoucher1625]

I laughed out loud at the I was enamored by Donald duck part

[@midnightcanyon23]

I thought this was all legit for a hot minutes and then I realized it’s just Clickhole

[@TheEarphoneguy]

oh my god i'm so stupid i actually believed this shit. started doubting at the sticks inside snowballs bit and finally realized what this was at the "disney thought the future was full of polio bit" XD

[@samfisher9413]

This is beautiful. Love it. Haha.

[@sonicinajarvauntedspeciali7245]

Real talk though If Pirates Of The Carribean was actually made in the 60s, Jack Sparrow would probably be played by Clint Eastwood

[@AwesomeTingle]

clickhole is the peak of internet satire

[@KC-bg1th]

"I remember being excited for Pirates of the Carribean". I fucking love Clickhole.

[@a_literal_brick]

That older park sounds way more exciting than the new one

[@AllegoricSiren]

Honestly thought this was real until a little bit after the part where they talked about splash mountain omg lol

[@ghaziearsha]

why did I only found out this channel now

[@LisaLeeLeeBlue]

This had me for a minute…. Lollll

[@brigham9812]

The Donald Duck in a ww2 fighter pilot outfit drinking out of a flask was it for me😭💀

[@tomhardy7359]

good golly god damn, subsribed

[@edjamaz4636]

"I remember being excited for pirates of the caribbean" LMAO

[@aarond3753]

Holy shit, Walt Disney predicted Pirates of the Caribbean 55 years before it was first made?

[@charbomber110]

Yeah man, crazy shit ik

[@CrudeConduct666]

He spent most of his time trying to invent dippin dots XD

[@RygorMortis]

Us kids were safe, but the pirates were goners.

[@Nathan15837]

When you enter the park: New objective: Survive

[@Batmansmokesdope]

Back in those days you saw a pirate you shot a pirate