Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Abandonment Anxiety

[@DocSnipes]

👌More videos can be found on this topic at: kzbin.info/aero/PLcB3trehXswjSvwE8zV5YPISXOHgkH5I5&si=0YM6L9M7iZoG8d9K ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

[@juliettailor1616]

I know it's common to pathologize abandonment anxiety, but many of us have this anxiety because not only do we have this from childhood but also we don't have family structures that give us security in adulthood either. We have unstable relationships, no children and no extended family. It's real anxiety, because we are alone.

[@jeveuxetrelibre]

This is true for me too. It started in childhood and continues on.

[@eeyoresgirl55]

Curiously we now seem to try to normalize antisocial attitudes and behaviors when the perpetrators rightfully belong in an institution not out in public.

[@DeadCatX2]

I was not ready for you to call me out like this. I'm 39, I've been divorced twice, no children, almost no family... every year I grow ever more terrified that I will die old and alone.

[@MellowBellow1]

You have the anxiety and it is a pathology developed from childhood abandonment. You were abandoned as a child, you felt unsafe in attachment and you had no sense of safety that your caregivers would “stay attached” to keep you safe. Your caregivers may also have been abandoned ( inter generational pathology). It’s a problem, a pathology. It has a cause and effect in the exact same way influenza or pneumonia do. You were abandoned and so you remain abandoned via the self fulfilling prophecy created by your limbic system and APA axis. ….

[@MellowBellow1]

@@DeadCatX2 your fear will drive its way home and make the prophecy true. It’s your fear you need to heal because your fear is keeping you alone.

[@Rainberna]

0:29 Cognitive Behavioral approach 2:25 What is Abandonment Anxiety? 5:05 Where it comes from 12:21 Create inner safety for change 25:45 Create outer safety for change 29:56 Creating Safety 32:46 Distress Regulation 40:16 Changing unhelpful thinking styles 47:58 ABCs fo abandonment anxiety 51:45 Gathering information 56:38 More Core Beliefs 1:00:08 More Core Beliefs 1:03:16 More Core Beliefs- The fear of loosing someone important 1:05:57 Gathering information - what behaviors do they have that contribute? 1:09:33 Gathering information - what strengths and resources do they have? 1:11:48 Gathering information - 3 reasond to address AF? 1:13:09 Baseline monitoring 1:14:52 Becoming empowered 1:18:17 Summary

[@loli3939]

Thank you for this helpful index to re-listen.

[@sharonyuen7931]

Thank you for the time stamp

[@cutiefox6455]

Thank you

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This kind of outline helps with learning.

[@marcladuke6302]

Thank you

[@nikkinicole1495]

So glad I found this channel. 2017, my husband suddenly passed away, didn't know I suffered from this until three years later when I decided to date. In a relationship, I'm extremely anxious. If I don't hear from the person within a certain time frame, I begin to think the worse.

[@DocSnipes]

My condolences on your loss. Thanks for sharing. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@RandomvideosGRs]

For experience, The instant cure for anxiety is to understand the fact that there are infinite amount of possible outcomes in this universe and our brain only thinks of a handful . A bad outcome can become the means of a good outcome in the future. Just like that a good outcome can become the means of a bad outcome. For example, you lost your job (bad thing). But then you got a new job which is better ( bad thing led to a good outcome.) It's an endless cycle. So just go with the flow and don't think about it . 😄 Goodluck.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@plantmama7442]

Exactly ! We just don’t know what we don’t know. There’s no point in worrying about things because things that seem bad may turn out to be blessings, and vice versa. So no point in hoping for certain outcomes & just let go as you said. Flow state is key ✨

[@CP-js4nu]

“Instant cure” is a dangerous phrase. The point is not that people do not know or cannot understand that concept. It is the deeply rooted behaviors which need to be changed with patience and compassion enough to be able to see those outcomes you mention.

[@mistrzwewszystkim]

this felt helpful, thank you! 🌸

[@sanivana]

I loved what you wrote and will take note! Thanks ☺️

[@kcflygirl29]

Your channel has blessed me so much. For years I pushed down trauma and just kept ignoring the effects of physical and mental abuse as well as the abandonment of a parent. I knew that there were psychological effects, but I could not understand why I recreated the problems, self sabotaged, or ran from personal relationships until listening to your explanations of the physiological effects. The HPA axis, cortisol, adrenaline, epinephrine rush followed by the oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine cycles. For 48 years I ran on fear, anxiety, and a victim mindset, never sleeping, always pushing myself. I am literally having to learn to live in peace. I can’t tell you how beautiful it is, although I find myself exhausted not having the anxiety and adrenaline rush to keep me motivated. I am still learning my new normal. Thank you so much!

[@madisonimogen1028]

Strong 💪 and if quality does require hard work to rebuild your new ways of thinking; you might please give ur self a good warm hearted pad for going through week with no drama. So work and work on strong mindset and understand that if u create drama; it is like you are sitting in sewer. So self care incl all positive thoughts.

[@kcflygirl29]

@@madisonimogen1028 thank you so much. I have really been disconnecting and practicing self care. I didn’t realize that many of my friends were coming to me because I was easy to talk to. I had to stop giving out my energy to others and work on rebuilding myself. One day at a time. We will all get there❤️thank you so much

[@DocSnipes]

Wow. Glad I was able to help. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@bbailey908]

Reading this is bringing me to tears, seeing you at your age make this change really gives hope to the rest of us. Age does not have to be a limiting factor but those who use all they have are the conquerors. Thank you for sharing your testimony! 🙏🏼

[@mitchnidey2453]

God bless you and your family and friends forever in Jesus name

[@MichaelDHockenberry]

Everyone knows the old story When giving a speech: you tell the audience what you’re going to tell him, then you tell them, then you tell them what you told them. Most people can see through the façade of the speaker, but this lady presents her topics so well and she has a very enthusiastic voice and dedication which makes the audience want to listen, she’s a very good presenter and speaker…

[@DocSnipes]

Awwwww... Thanks so much. Too kind.

[@annamcg928]

Totally agree. She's helping me with my abandonment issues. I don't even know how this video showed up on recommended videos but oh well I'm glad it did. I was asking God about my pride so I'm curious how the two go hand in hand.

[@starfishw7138]

Plus deeply interesting topic

[@ZigZagKangaroo]

As a late teen with severe mental health issues I fell down the hole of new age. It helped me in some ways but worsened me in other ways. I left after 5 years. They always fear mongered psychologists etc for close mindedness and not understanding the "true scale" of the human mind. Even after I left I was always sceptical of "traditional" mental health experts. Now I did the unthinkable and decided to watch this video. This video alone has helped me way more than so many new age guru videos combined. I should've done this sooner but hey, it's part of my journey through life. Thanks for reading and I wish everyone mental clarity and peace.

[@DocSnipes]

Good luck to you. Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.

[@ianlangley9076]

I am so glad I found this. I am an adoptee from Moldova, I was abandoned at birth and have also dealt with many abandoning experiences at a young age (best friends passing away, family members passing away, and also my best friend moving away very young), always being an outcast in school, and had a difficult time letting new people into my life, both romantically and when engaged with friendships). I am now 24, a University graduate, and have been in therapy and seen different psycologists for many years due to this. It's been extremely difficult as I'm also an HSP. However, I have made a lot of progress in the past years. Thank you for your content, it truly helps and makes a difference.

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry you have been through all of this and I appreciate you watching the video. What CBT tools will you use to cope with your struggles?

[@mazklassa9338]

Thank you for your hard work and devotion to us listeners

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching

[@hilaryadele662]

Thank you. Excellent information, to help us all.

[@loli3939]

I did an intervention with my father when he had anxiety and panic attacks after his wife's family kicked him out of his home. He was sufering elder abuse. He is definately under the autism spectrum. I pursued further and he revealed things buried in his soul. He was abused by parents who were abused. Thankfully I and orher siblings reversed the generational sin pattern becase we knew it was wrong and without knowing how deep the issues ran. The health care model here is broken and he fell through the gaps. I am glad I did but now I have plenty of my own work to do. The comments demonizing people to be incarcerated are not helpful nor appropriate. Truth is many are incarcerated in our private hells. One can forgive and set up boundaries or cut all ties. Remember these behaviours are taught and caught. Thanks for the excellent teaching to be better caregivers and for self care.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching. I am sorry about your father. What is your favorite tip from the video on addressing abandonment anxiety?

[@loli3939]

I am sorry for him too. He missed out on alot of life and relationships with his grandchildren and great grandchildren now. He simply does not engage with family but will with outsiders. This has proven to put him in dangerous situations with abusive people. The rejection and abuse by his second wife and her trolls was devastating to him. The best tip is the section on inner safety. He recognizes that he was abandoned and his safety is outside his family. That is why he does not see me at all. Thankfully, He is beginning to see my other 'invisible' sister. We are his caregivers. The other children that have abandoned him are who he glorifies for nonexistant traits. He lives in a fantasy world. Autism and MI issues. No dementia. The hospitals would not admit him because he was compliant and cooperative once he was able to be heard and felt his base needs would be met. Unbelievable failure of the provincial MH model. I practiced in another province: he would be the ideal consumer on a case load. I am also daily reviewing your points here for my self. My heart is broken and I am tending to core beliefs planted by my sick abused and abusive parents. I was abandoned and accept that loss was a bad thing but it had a silver lining in changes in creating a safer family engagement with our nuclear family.

[@Loveand.stardust]

Going through a 12 week online guided cbt program and so many of these videos have broadened my understanding of my challenges so much. I am greatful for this channel and these presentations.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@buzwenxasana7678]

I love this! I found comfort from listening to this. I also suffer from this. Which led to an abusive relationship. I now want to learn how to become a better man and becoming the person I was before.

[@DocSnipes]

Great 👍

[@edzanjero353]

I was deeply traumatized by early childhood of parents' divorce and father's departure. That sense of abandonment caused in me a lifelong sense of isolation, anxiety, and melancholia. In my 70's now, the scar still sits on my shoulders like a thousand pound weight.

[@redmoon8217]

So sorry you are going through this.

[@weruleyoudrool]

I hope you can heal and spend the rest of your life in with fulfilling hobbies and good relationships. :(

[@paprbert]

Thank you for your work. It was really helpful for me. My mother passed away when i was a child and now i have some issues with trusting and i always feel myself really anxious and unsafe when i'm in love. When i feel these feelings i can be very silent and rejecting. I hope i can fix these issues in the future with your advices. Thank you again!

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry for your loss and I appreciate you watching.

[@moniqueabundance]

You are my personal saviour. Thank you for your invaluable work ❤

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome. Thanks for watching and being part of the channel!

[@katharineann3324]

I could listen to you all day, so easy to understand and what a lovely voice 😌

[@DocSnipes]

You are very kind. Thank you for watching.

[@color2066]

Dawn-Elise, I’m going to echo the others in this comment thread. Your videos are absolutely fantastic and I am SO grateful for all that you share! I recently stumbled upon your KZbin channel and I’m so appreciative I did. I’ve been “binge watching” your videos that most resonate with me at this time in my life, and you’re truly helping me heal. I take notes, allow the concepts you introduce to percolate in my mind, and I reflect and share your content with others, too :) I’m just so thankful sincerely and I hope you understand how appreciated you are! You are a healer and I support you!!! Wishing you many blessings xxx

[@DocSnipes]

Wow, Thanks so much 🙏

[@chilloften]

My main issue is that flood of adrenaline, esp if tired or stressed, to responding correct, instead of react. Ugh But I’m learning and getting better. TFS.

[@DocSnipes]

It is great you know your vulnerabilities so you can take precautions when you are likely to react on autopilot. The videos on Healing the Inner Child and the Default Mode Network might be helpful

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

This is helpful, thank you. Even seeing your low-cut dress triggered thoughts of, "What would I do if I were at a party with my husband and he was interacting with her in an attentive manner?' This gave me an opportunity to project that scenario into the future and form a plan of action within myself.

[@cowoverthemoo]

I am on the waiting list for cbt. I am keeping my emotions from overwhelming me while I wait. These videos are helping me, I am goin to create myself, Thank you.

[@sallysweet3927]

What is cbt?

[@Allbeautylab]

@@sallysweet3927 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

[@Domdeone1]

I bought a book on it from a bargain book shop, UK, it is brilliant. Could recommend but it is one of self discovering one or find a group, only saying don't wait too long

[@bernicemichaels346]

Omg I’m 52 and just trying to control my insure thoughts how do you do it ? This woman is so amazing

[@DocSnipes]

You can do this! I am honored to be part of your journey.

[@ashleighhennessy]

It's hard when the person you've got abandonment anxiety around is the person who gave it to u

[@Uzimaki9t]

10:54 it’s to feel like your able to make a change in the others behavior to have control over ones self

[@inspiredchange5573]

I am so grateful I found your channel,🙏🏻 thanks to your videos Dr. I am more aware of what' happening in my mind and it makes me feel peace and hope

[@noelfisher1829]

Absolutely a vital share to your damaged friends and family

[@dee0731]

Great information thank you Dr. Snipes, God bless you and your family abundantly! 🙌🏻☀️

[@DocSnipes]

Ty very much.

[@petespuppy2491]

No doubt You’ve helped so many people! what a brilliant gift you are Dr Snipes thank you so very much

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome! I appreciate you watching.

[@MentSageM]

What an amazing video, I'm in the second year Psychology student, with attachment issues... this is Gold. The delivery, the energy you transmit, the happiness and the security makes all this information to flow like water, crystal clear. Ty so vm for this.

[@DocSnipes]

Wow, thank you! You are too kind. Best of luck in school. Please subscribe and share with your peers. 😃

[@suryanamaskar2991]

She is a great teacher

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much!

[@ivypossum3356]

Can't tell you how much this video helped & put things in perspective for so many of my past & even recent behaviors. I really appreciate not only how well this video is put together, but how good+reasonable the recommendations for adjusting the responses/mindsets are... I wish I had seen this video years ago, but I am very thankful that I get to see it now.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=abandonment

[@paulbeaney4901]

I would love to have an in person discussion with this lady. She seems kind.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you!

[@wouldntyouliketoknow5342]

THIS WOMAN DESERVES THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. wow. Finally a step by step guide for what to do when the abandonment gets triggered.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much for that. :)

[@silverbackanimal7215]

Yeah I got ulcerative colitis so bad it dropped me in two days and my bowel was passing blood 🩸… I moved to another city but absolutely hated it . Was barely surviving and meeting so many new people I didn’t have my real ones around if I needed help … never do something that makes you so depressed you think you can’t stop … why , thinking people would think your weak emotionally. All this psycho helpfulness Leeds to spiritual awakening. Yes you reach a level of connection with everyone and things , we are all joined and let the stars heal your heart and the wind fix your thoughts. Yes we are at perfection once we vibrate so well it brings up people who are vibrating low . Open up and let the truth be your armour as THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE… let out that emotion as it cleanses the soul. People love you more for finally admitting mistakes. Thank the people who always answer when your lost , remember you avoided them last so it’s up to you to show you want to do what we always planned as kids growing up .

[@Planet_Shel]

My abandonment issues, etc., initiated at a very young age. Then, as I got older was compounded by various deaths and divorces. Other things came into play through the years, as well.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@markcafebrown2883]

Great video Dr Snipes. Thank you for being you and teaching us so much. You are such a valuable person.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of service and I appreciate you watching videos on the channel. Your support is highly appreciated

[@RedCaladenia]

Thank you for all the amazing content you create and make available to help people. I've watched several of your videos recently as I'm going through a tough period in my life and the videos have helped immensely. I now have a deeper understanding of what I'm going through currently and how it relates to issues that were seeded in childhood. I also feel much better equipped to work on these issues, to work on myself and to move forward. Please keep up the great work you're doing and know that it is very much appreciated!

[@DocSnipes]

I am glad you are watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@mitchnidey2453]

I am so thankful for your amazing teaching. You are a great therapist and I really enjoy learning from you.

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome

[@The_Vanished]

What’s messed up is I’ve recently called the veterans crisis line, received the most heartless response I’ve ever thought possible. The person was unprofessional and they kept trying to prey on a possible anxious attachment style in me, and also trying to cause executive dysfunction.

[@DocSnipes]

That sounds awful and I am sorry it happened to you. Here are some videos on addressing crisis: kzbin.infosearch?query=crisis

[@vietotu3937]

thank you for uploading this informative video. I did not really know what cognitive behavioral approach until this video

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for watching. If you’re interested in videos on anxiety, you can find them at: kzbin.infosearch?query=anxiety

[@Sameoldfitup]

The fear of Abandonment never leaves you, ever.

[@armyyyyyyyyyyyy]

🥲

[@bernicemichaels346]

Omg you are so amazing so enlightening I’m waking up I’m totally realizing it’s me with Past traumas I go to counseling and you’re more enlightening than she is thank you so much for allowing us to Caesars in here this people like me means so so much you are teaching me the right things and I’m 52 years old and marriages in a hole because I’m so insecure 😟

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much for watching. Glad I was able to help!

[@DocSnipes]

These videos on the inner critic and social anxiety might be helpful kzbin.infosearch?query=inner%20critic

[@SarahElise-so3sy]

@doc Snipes thank you for the advice, really appreciate it. I'm currently in therapy for DBT, but I feel there's a mental block/barrier to being able to validate my own emotions as I realised I may be gaslighting myself. I don't know how to overcome that, or even know what my needs are. All I know is that I feel like something is very wrong and I can't figure out what it is.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching. Why do you think you are gaslighting yourself? What’s the reason behind that? What are the benefits?

[@SarahElise-so3sy]

I think I'm gaslighting myself as I think my thoughts and feelings are not valid. I don't know what the benefits are to that, it seems to be a trauma response to chronic invalidation from childhood that has continued into adulthood and I have internalised it

[@prisonerohope6970]

Doc Snipes' VISCERAL System for Trauma Recovery. I love that. 🥰

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=trauma

[@aliceg1212]

I love your classes Dr. Snipes! Wish I could get a certification from Australia. You are a great educator/professional. Thank you! I'm collecting an extreme amount of quality, coherent and detailed information that I really appreciate and moreover, that has shown me that I'm resilient, vulnerable and the only thing I was missing was the safety because I wasn't aware I have ADHD so trusting myself was difficult and I was constantly scapegoated for other peoples mistakes kept apologising for mistakes that weren't even mine due to my loving/clingy anxiety RSD and codependency... now medicated and watching numerous videos is neurodiversity and personality disorders (to which I've always been an easy taget for). Thanks again, Every knowledge I get makes me more understanding and empathetic to MYSELF (which so far seems to be the only area i was extremely not very understanding of). Thanks again! Alice

[@DocSnipes]

Our courses are accepted for CPD by ACA

[@tamvee]

For many years I thought my ex had this due to abandonedment from his father but soon came to realise he was just a full blown narcissist who subjected me to over 20 years of domestic violence and subjected his daughters to his narcissim. Thankfully he found a new supply and left. Unfortunately for him his adult daughters have disowned him. But my life is better than I could of imagined and at the end of the day I'm the winner. I've got my girls and my freedom.

[@BeGioBijoux]

Completely overwhelmed with my emotions mid perceived rejection crisis I really hope this video helps me

[@DocSnipes]

Wishing you peace, health and happiness

[@BeGioBijoux]

@@DocSnipes I didn’t die, that’s a start. Thank you for posting this content, it is extremely helpful

[@superpoodlehead]

❤ Your videos are the most thorough and helpful content out there! Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

You are so welcome!

[@DocSnipes]

Unlimited CEUs for $59 at AllCEUs.com. Based on this channel's videos and the proceeds support our continued mission to make these resources available.

[@sanginishah3814]

So informative and helpful, with practical tips. Thank you Dr. Snipes 🤔🙂

[@DocSnipes]

You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video

[@camillemanly3800]

This is the best solutions video I’ve seen! Thank you!!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@vg_jan]

I'm really thankful for your video. You really help me to understand my situation.

[@gravelgirls]

What an absolute beauty... shes stunning

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching

[@ecohumanism]

Some people may not speak about relationships because they don't want to offend someone. This is how I feel it. Maybe most people don't do their best with their tools, but rather go the easy way, not to say that some people, by using their current set, harm themselves and others, and some even know they are doing wrong

[@RightousISJesus]

Thank you for your channel, it's helpful.

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at kzbin.infosearch?query=abandonment

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

Thank you 💚 Thank you 💚 Thank you 💚

[@Shiningbrilliantly2024]

New to your channel! Excellent information! This helps me understand myself as well as others! It helps me to learn and understand much better in a progressive manner. I like the idea of micro goals! People needs coping and problems solving! It’s definitely needed during the pandemic!

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks so much!!

[@yoramalon5273]

Excellent tutorial. Very professional and through. Can abandonment anxiety remain subliminal, translating to automatic avoidance? Autopilot avoidance.

[@DocSnipes]

Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@Jackie_YG]

Many thanks for your valuable materials & for the exerted efforts.. much appreciated 🌹

[@DocSnipes]

You're most welcome!

[@ssharma4534]

Doc Snipes can you please talk about rejection hypersensitivity without ADHD? Thank you for all all highly helpful presentations- they are awesome.

[@beegee5305]

I did read the micro expressions of my best friend of 20 years. I tried to shake it off but she actually did ghost me. So my intuition was right.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@dylanshearsbyart]

This is great, love how practical this is, and it rings true. Thanks for producing / uploading

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@Shiningbrilliantly2024]

How does some people block these memories of abandonment from their minds! What are their core beliefs? Why they do not recognize emotional deprivation? These are childhood experience!

[@ASkepticalHumanOnYouTube]

Never been a big fan of the "take some deep breaths/breathing pattern" type advice for any type of anxiety. The problem fundamentally is the way you think, your negative habit patterns that need to be broken & replaced with more positive ones. Breathing techniques & shit always struck me as big time surface level stuff.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@FransceneJK98]

CBT never worked for me. Just cuz logically it may make sense to do xyz, doesn’t mean I can execute it after serious trauma. It’s easier said by someone who probably never went through seriously traumatic or abusive childhood. Plus most therapists I’ve seen in my life were narcs themselves so I kinda lost trust in them 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@angelafliehman2167]

You do amazing work helping so many... including me

[@DocSnipes]

Happy to hear that! Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@Jacqueline.x]

Today’s episode to learn! Very interesting, Doc. Glad you are here x

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: kzbin.infosearch?query=abandonment

[@Jacqueline.x]

@@DocSnipes Thank you very much!

[@lisaperez8276]

Really amazing, thank you Dr.

[@DocSnipes]

Most welcome!

[@tangogrrl]

Catastrophizing-- but sometimes it's true : "This person's going to leave me..." Military PTSD doesn't just hit the active duty member, but the spouse, too. I had control over?... nada. USMC orders are absolute. Each time we packed his seabag, it was gut wrenching. Would he come home? Him "going to work" was abandonment for me. Mandatory orders are 1 thing, but he also volunteered for every single billet he could get. I added up 5 years total of him gone. A week, a month here, a year in the Middle East there. After 13 years of analysing, I initiated the "(second to the )worst case scenario" -- and filed for divorce. 25 years later, he contacted me. I had made the right decision. He had ribbons and medals and promotions, all the way up to Lt. Colonel. All his volunteering paid off-- or did it? Sometimes your gut analysis is correct. We are still friends. Sometimes after all this time, there's a trigger, and it gets bad. Mostly I can comfort myself with knowing this is what he wanted. Mostly.

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

[@ceciliainnes2586]

What an awesome workshop. I identify entirely with it both with the problems and the solutions. Thank you for your time and effort to help us earthlings struggling with our existential issues. Has been of great help

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@roklee6037]

this is so helpful thank you ❤️

[@DocSnipes]

You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video. What have you found most useful from it?

[@djtrippi4561]

I really needed to hear this thank you so much 💯💯❤️

[@leonawitherspoon2737]

this information is just what I was looking for I Thank God for the abillity to renew my sprite my childhood was very bad all my relationship have been completely unhealthy or did not meet my basic needs have been abandoned abused just refuse to be on the same road want to be a healed functional adult.

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you for watching

[@Blasianpower2]

Thank you, I subscribed to your channel. I believe every child needs to learn this early on in life! I’m hoping I can learn more on CBT I know it will be very beneficial for me. I have a question abandonment anxiety affect your career????

[@DocSnipes]

I suppose it could. Thanks for watching.

[@Blasianpower2]

@@DocSnipes you’re welcome thanks for responding!

[@barbibutton9619]

Absolutely will

[@Calugareni1]

Just discovering this channel and its precious information, its exactly what I was looking for. My question is if we can take these courses for our personal development? I see people in the comments enrolling. Thank you!

[@DocSnipes]

We do not stop anyone from taking our courses. Any one is free to learn. If you want to be employed in the counseling field, as an addictions counselor or otherwise...you should check your state requirements.

[@cantavoidtrite]

So practical and valuable. Thank you.

[@DocSnipes]

Glad you think so!

[@Ironeyes128]

The root cause of three years of personal grief. I guess I finally have a name for it.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching!

[@jc4171]

Wow powerful and soo helpful ❤️❤️

[@DocSnipes]

Ty

[@Haloofhope]

My daughter is 11 years old with adhd and anxiety.She is currently under medication for anxiety and opposition behaviour.Her separation anxiety with my wife is so difficult to manage.She gets restless and throw tantrums and screams loud if my wife gets late in reaching home.This has been like this for last 4 years.Pls help.

[@detroitday100mviews]

Great break down I greatly appreciate your services to the world and I woul like to sign up for therapy if you offer it

[@vangiegrl5537]

Even while you’re just focusing on breathing, you’re doing the same thing… Because it’s hard to think about your breathing and to think about anything else at the same time

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@vangiegrl5537]

@@DocSnipes 😊😊😊😊

[@pj828]

I have abandonment anxiety in regards to romantic partners but not in general. But it is still debilitating. My triggering event was my g/f of 5 years just ghosted me 6 weeks ago. We still work together though. Every time I see her passing in the halls she purposefully avoids eye contact and quickly walks away. I miss my best friend Deserpately!! I don't know why she chose to break up this way. It is So Painful!! We had a good relationship too!! Two weeks before she decided to leave me she texted me that I was "thee most special person she had ever met in her life PERIOD!" That's verbatum the way she put it. She went on to say, "I miss you So Much... I miss you So Much!!" Then two weeks later she told me she decided to break up with me... She called me and said, "don't call me, don't text me, don't come to my place, and if you try to talk to me at work I'll file a complaint with HR." When she said this I was in Full no contact for the previous two weeks. Before that, I was the one who helped her move out. It was a very tender move out. Lots of tears, lots of hugs, holding, kissing, lots of I love yous... I don't know why she's treating me like this!! It makes me feel like she's angry with me... like I'm a bad person... 😞 If someone can please respond and help me deal with this situation. My anxiety over this experience has been debilitating. I'm terrified I'm not good enough to be in a relationship, that no one will ever love me, that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. She was my Best Friend!! We even lived together for 3 years... 3 weeks after moving out she cut herself out of my life Completely!! I did/do define my own self worth based on her opinion of me. So I'm wrecked right now. I can't sleep regularly, my appetite is non existent, I've lost 35 pounds over the past few months, I can't concentrate, my memory is terrible right now, and my sense of self worth is Terrible right now. Please respond 😞

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching. I am sorry I can’t give you an answer right now, but I do answer questions for free each Thursday at 4PM EST, at the “Ask Doc Snipes Live Q&A”. Please make sure not to miss if, so that I can give you a proper answer.

[@pj828]

@@DocSnipes Thank you so much for responding. I will Definitely aim for the Q&A. I've been binge watching your videos as of late. When I stumbled onto your videos regarding codependency and abandonment anxiety it hit me like a lightning bolt... unfortunately, that's me to a T. I don't want to be like this anymore.

[@weSlaughter66]

My heart goes out to you bro. How are you managing now?

[@pj828]

@@weSlaughter66 First off, thank you for responding. It got a tiny bit better over the past several weeks but this past week everything came rushing back in. I miss her SO MUCH!! I've been lifting and jogging, cooking more, eating more healthily, talking and hanging out w friends and family, I've been putting in ridiculous hours at work--70 hours last week alone--and things had been getting slightly better. I even got a promotion at work. IDK why but this past week has been really hard. Maybe it's the holidays coming up... IDK. Missing the romantic side of the relationship is one thing... but it's no where near the biggest thing. She was my Best Friend for the past 5 years of my life. I told her/shared Everything with her!! More than anything.... More Than Anything!!... I miss my friend... I saw our new work schedule just came out. She's barely on it. I heard through coworkers she's getting ready to leave for a new job... as am I--my promotion is in a different department. I know in the long run this will make things easier... but the thought of her leaving TERRIFIES me. Bc once she leaves this job... I know I will Never see her or speak to her Ever again. We used to speak Every Day... about everything and anything. She's a very anxious person so she would check in with me all the time to touch base, sometimes for support throughout the day. I Loved being that person for her. And now it's just... GONE!! I miss my friend... I'm a broken record... but I miss my friend.... so much, I miss my friend.....

[@lonnawarden4334]

I have no answers but needed to text you something! Sounds really harsh what your partner did. Really soul crushing stuff! I’ve had three marriages and three divorces. Not fun. A very toxic family that most drinks and ignores me. Buddhist teachings have helped me tremendously. Maybe check that out. Also 12 step meetings. Adult children of dysfunctional families is a great help with toxic childhood issues. The bottom line is to get to the place where loving ourselves and not afraid of being alone. Sooo scary but it is the answer. I’ll be honest. I’ve done years of work and still struggle with it from time to time. “ Expectations “ can be a killer. Again, once I get back to Buddhist teachings I get centered again. I hope this helps a little.😇

[@ellenasheiko7644]

Why is it necessary to distinguish between a person and his behavior?

[@sunnybeach103]

Is this common in infjs? Just curious if there's a correlation in personality traits stemming from what our lives have been like.

[@yehhshhs]

Separation anxiety is terrible. Every day i dread leaving the house of my bf and i literally refuse to leave his side.. it takes 1-2 hour for me and us to be able to leave his house :(:(

[@DocSnipes]

I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use first to address abandonment anxiety? You can find videos on creating secure attachment at: kzbin.infosearch?query=secure

[@heatherbergey3801]

Why can I see things in others and give great advice but can not see my behaviors in myself? Also I am sad that I have been in therapy since I was 12 and mom was killed and I learned more from these videos than 30 years of therapy. Please tell me how to advocate for more brain studies. I think mine would be of interest to scientists!

[@DocSnipes]

I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. That is a lot for a 12 year old to deal with. I am just speaking in generalities, because I do not know you, but I would guess that 1) because of the loss of your mom you are hyperaware and sensitive to what goes on around you and with others and 2) our brains block us from seeing some things, I believe, to protect us. It is not threatening to see things in others, but it may be very overwhelming to see the same things in yourself.

[@heatherbergey3801]

@@DocSnipes I feel that is my only superpower… any suggestions on what would be a good career choice using those attributes as I am 51 and need to make a change. Tip your nail technicians ladies. We carry ALOT of your burdens on our shoulders in so many ways!!!

[@charityredd9302]

Wow you are so explaining me to a tee and i didnt know what this type of behavior

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.

[@HeatherFaraMS]

When does abandonment rise to the level of BPD? Just BPD if you repeatedly destroy your life?

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching the video. It depends on the person. If you’re interested in videos on DBT, here they are: kzbin.infosearch?query=DBT

[@sycomorech]

Thank you so much.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@runwiththewind3281]

thank you for helping me understand me

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome

[@yingliwang3028]

Great content!

[@DocSnipes]

Wow, Thanks so much!

[@朝のコーヒー-q2l]

This video helped me validate my feelings. It sucks that I can’t exactly afford therapy, long distance relationship’s are tiring especially while I’m just 15. I’m trying my best.

[@Luke-Emmanuel]

So this is really helpful for those who suffer with borderline personality disorder?

[@DocSnipes]

I appreciate you watching the video. Yes, it’s helpful for those struggling with BPD, but not just for them.

[@Luke-Emmanuel]

@@DocSnipes 🤍🤍🤍

[@bharatamarnani7879]

consistency/Predictability (non-chaotic) : Can you elaborate on this point very little is spoken.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@ckfodel]

Thank you for this. Very helpful info.

[@DocSnipes]

Thanks for watching.

[@juliesmith4539]

@@DocSnipes I have been listening to you fa while I have been through trauma in my childhood and I want to ask what if you don't understand your feelings or can't cope with them at all I have had counciling on several occasions but it's not working I don't have friends I feel lost and just as confused the same as I did as a kid I'm going to do EMDR but am scared they it won't work or I'm going to crack up I have always told myself that I'm stronger than the person who abused me and he said that if he couldn't get me he had others who would help him and now I don't trust anyone

[@nirmaladrieskens4338]

Great video ♥️♥️♥️

[@DocSnipes]

Thank you!!

[@marlaschreiber1052]

I think I had this during my high school years

[@churchofthegreenflipflop2436]

Is there a technical definition of abandonment anxiety?

[@patricianyandoro5606]

Please do a video on CBT for Difiant behavioral disorder

[@menotyou6254]

Thank you

[@DocSnipes]

You're welcome

[@coco-bz3kp]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[@DocSnipes]

Welcome