Trump's New Coronavirus Plan: Threaten America's Schools, Trash Dr. Fauci In The Press

[@sttroner]

A study just published this week, states that children learn at a faster pace when they are alive.

[@justajumpingypsygirl]

The necromancer in the adventuring party may disagree.

[@ayushthumbarathy3961]

Underrated af 😂😂😂 Can i copy this? Please?

[@KayG0]

😂😂😂 best seller

[@nicolepennegan29]

Sttroner, please give permission to go Ayush Thumbarathy to copy your comment. 😂 This message should be viral . . . I’m not a parent but I totally agree.

[@triarb5790]

Later in the report it was also confirmed that they cost less to educate when dead.

[@coralreeves4276]

Still can't get over how cute Stephen is flirting with his wife while he's filming. Sweet couple 🥰

[@lonesquiff6551]

It was great hearing her laugh at his jokes.

[@lynjenkins6473]

I love listening to her giggle of camera and the smile it puts on his face.

[@driftingover]

@@joesilvaMusic1 that doesn't even make sense. Trump being on the island, on the other hand, fits right in with his character.

[@caco8510]

BOT!!

[@ayushthumbarathy3961]

This proves Joe Silva is a Trumpbot guys. The comment above was a reply to that account.

[@HaliousX]

Hearing Stephen's wife giggle at his jokes in the background is my favorite part of this at-home production

[@lonesquiff6551]

Absolutely!

[@rascallyrabbit717]

at least someone was laughing

[@notsure1969]

@@rascallyrabbit717 Along with 14k+ others.

[@johnbrowne3950]

That's because she's the only one who laughs at his jokes.

[@JohnSmith-zv8km]

@@johnbrowne3950 I laugh at his jokes and I am English

[@caroljomartin3051]

My son's friend just buried their 10 year old. DON'T TELL ME KIDS AREN'T AFFECTED!!!

[@sharongamble9854]

We buried our 1 year old grandson due to SIDS!! Is Covid 19 the only life threatening virus or germ kids carry? They are filled with a variety of germs and bacteria and other contagious viruses that they live through and survive. They could become sick at any time building immunity surviving a host of germs their entire lives. Or die of an unusual trauma or accidental tragic death. Tragically all humans will die but we pray that they will die when old.

[@xBluegamerx]

Brain cells everywhere die every time Devos opens her mouth.

[@Rozco81]

😂😂😂

[@jefschobert9765]

A lawyer needs to draft a legal document informing Trump that he is going to be held personally financially responsible for each and every kid infected for ten million.

[@kellykerr5225]

xBluegamerx you must be right. I doodled devil horns and devil eyes on her. I don’t usually do that, she dumbed me down lol

[@nikolaipersad4098]

💯 agreed.

[@jasonsmith530]

xBluegamerx tis an ignoble age

[@mr.pickle4847]

“Open schools now or I will cut funding” I’m no genius, but I’m pretty sure you can’t cut something that doesn’t exist

[@igorschmidlapp6987]

or that you don't control...

[@kirstenroberts8478]

I wish I could get a refund on my massive property taxes for the unplanned early release last school year

[@sapphirewyren02]

nah, she needs that Hooked on Phonics

[@kenbrown2808]

"all the schools should assess what's best for their community and their kids, and by that I mean they all must go back to business as usual, this fall. and have I told you about amway products?" DeVos

[@jorfice]

Yeah. I like that she says that schools should do what's right at the time and for their situation" while she also forces the situation "open or recieve no funding and eventually close for good." It's almost like she has no education herself, since she's unable to identify why this type of strategy is a problem. "You should do whatever is best for you and your situation. Side note: if what is best for you and your situation is not what I want, then I'll brand you with this hot iron until you do what I want. So what's it going to be?"

[@jeniferlary]

It seems that Stephen is even funnier with his wife sitting next to him. His goal is to make her laugh as loud as possible. Very cute!

[@adriandaniels1]

Right? Love it.

[@economicalovereem5833]

The show is still bad, though. His jokes without laugh tracks is just awful. Go watch Andrew Schulz or something.

[@Najolve]

Definitely evidence of the idiom "behind every great man is a great woman." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to reheating leftover pizza for breakfast.

[@ldbagwell]

It does seem like even after spending 24/7 for months is crazy in love with her!

[@junebug5390]

@@economicalovereem5833 we has a big following. And you just worship the money. GOD DOESNT LIKE YOUR VIEW, HE HAS SAID SO IN HIS BOOKS.

[@jasongent4088]

...I just want to take a second here to point out that he said 3.3 million cases. That's 3,300,000 Americans. That's literally one in every hundred people, and we're talking about a virus that has been contained or eradicated in other developed nations. It's not that they can't fix this problem, it's simply that they haven't. One out of every hundred Americans. Through pure negligence. Let that sink in, please.

[@jasongent4088]

@@fiorellaflores8282 No. They definitely haven't all died. What's your point? It's okay for the government to let people get sick, as long as they don't die? Just how sick are you okay with your government letting you be from a preventable disease? Also...a lot of them *have* died. Even if only one person died who could've been saved, that's too many. And we're talking about thousands upon thousands of preventable deaths. How many have to die before we can speak out?

[@d.j.7069]

This country, the richest in the world, doesn't even take care of its children. It's no surprise that the entire Republican party seems to care more about image and money than it does about people ... even white people. We already know from decades of uneventful lip-service that they don't care about minorities or the poor! Children, minorities and the poor are all treated the same ... dismissed!

[@jasongent4088]

@@d.j.7069 While the United States does have the highest amount of total wealth (thanks mostly to the people who choose to live here), by most metrics, we're not the richest country in the world. Economics is incredibly complicated, and there are many ways to calculate the "richest country." To incredibly over simplify an unbelievably complex issue, if you want to know which country is richest, you should be comparing the value of what that country creates and sells to it's population. If you examine a list of the richest countries based on GDP per capita, I believe we're ninth or tenth on the list. We have the most money, but we also have a really high number of people at or below the poverty line. Which is not to say that I disagree with you, I'm mostly just reinforcing your points or restating them in different terms. The fact that we're the richest country by total wealth, but we're at the low end of the top ten based on GDP per capita kinda proves that the rich in this country could give a shit about the poor. *Shrug* Just my two cents...which, as an American, I can barely afford to give.

[@Krystalmyth]

@@fiorellaflores8282 Death isn't the only thing that can happen to you. Everyone that's gotten Corona has irreversable damage to the genome. Not to mention even those who survive, those who got intubated have scarred lungs, cardiovascular problems, and for many, a compromised immune system. Loss of taste and smell, permanent loss of taste and smell, doesn't sound fucking fun to me either. Jesus, you really don't think about this shit do you?

[@Krystalmyth]

@@jasongent4088 America can print its own money. As long as the USD is the world currency, the US has infinite money. However the moment that changes, if ever, then we're fucked.

[@SasuPT]

I remember asking in surprise, how can Stone be smiling like that, during his sentencing. Now I know.

[@myronaustin]

He knew it was only a matter of time before he would be back in the streets again. No way was Donny boy gonna keep him locked up for the full sentence. He probably took the time with a deal from Donny and the White House.

[@Supernov4]

The penguin isn't so easy to catch! After all what kinda story would that make..

[@faaaszoooom6778]

Justice is stoned in the US.

[@evawurttemberger4994]

Fauci: As a country, when you look at other counties , we simply don't do well." This is simply the truth, there is a reason why people in other countries have closed their borders for Americans. You just have an uncontrolled outbrake.

[@sb-vj6kx]

You mean "outbreak."

[@vivianperino5006]

s b ...We got it, don’t worry!

[@RuerlKhan]

Perhaps this was Trump's plan all along: Prevent immigration by making the USA a place no one wants to go to!

[@wolfblades90]

@@RuerlKhan So he's solving a problem by making more problems

[@delphi-moochymaker62]

Well.....we say its the virus...but you can only hear "we be fixin'" so many times.

[@seraphjohanson3402]

Stephen telling a joke, his wife laughing at said joke, and then Stephen laughing because he made his wife laugh is the purest thing. I love it!

[@ladygrndr9424]

It is love, and it is amazing

[@gomezaddams4347]

Pudin Tain Your screen name should be “Putin’s taint”. It would be more accurate.

[@pozelenore880]

@ my mommy once told me that you rarely regret what you didn't say, more often we regret what we DID say. Show some respect for the Steve

[@mdsign001]

@ be a good little troll and crawl back under your bridge, nobody going to feed you here.

[@coasthome8356]

Loved this laugh track!! More! More!

[@IIIlllBravo]

"lose funding if you don't do what i tell you" wasn't that his strategy with Ukraine for military aid

[@pittarak1]

Please US Americans, bring back the good old days of the tan suit scandal!

[@ChickenOfAwesome]

Oh how fondly we remember those days. Remember when Michelle Obama put a friendly hand on the Queen's arm and people flipped their shit about 'not following protocol' but everything was still basically fine? Simpler times.

[@toniabowie5487]

Yes. Please, I beg of thee.

[@jadenchen5517]

Yeah...remember when we were outraged at our President ordering Dijon mustard instead of indirectly killing about a hundred thousand American lives? Those were the days.

[@keetopuffs]

@@jadenchen5517 ahh Dijongate good memories

[@marcellinechoisne5627]

@@keetopuffs what happed with the Dijon mustard???(im not far away from Dijon,lol!)

[@vickmutha6150]

So glad you are back, missed your humor and truth.

[@klausoshaunacey8429]

Remember when DeVos said that schools should have guns for bear attacks? Ah... such simpler times...

[@jamesgallagher1992]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Chunkboi]

Rob C Arming the teachers would solve the discipline issue...

[@MrC0MPUT3R]

@@Chunkboi it might exacerbate the teacher shortage though.

[@andrasbiro3007]

@@Chunkboi And teacher strikes could be a bit more effective.

[@robertahubert9155]

She fits right in. Trump: we can inject with Clorox

[@DC_Tucker]

Guys, don’t worry. You’re not alone... you have your “lovely president” ruling the country. We, here in Brazil, have our own beast... Always ready to go against the rules, always ready to say a bunch of shit and sometimes trying to fix it when he realizes that it could screw up with his re-election. Even though there are still thousands applauding his actions. Don’t know where we are going to end up, but this lack of love and respect for the others lives, sufferings and even deaths is really sad. Good luck to all of us, our countries and May God bless us.

[@NoFreedom702]

Wherever you are in Brazil, please stay safe and healthy. May God bless you and all the Brazilians under Bolsonaro's reign. Hopefully your president won't stay there too long.

[@codyflake3080]

You and Brazil have my prayers. I’m tired of getting mad at the president we have. It’s not worth the grief but I wish we all would learn from this and remember the next time we have to vote for our leaders that someone talks a big talk doesn’t mean that they are ready to walk the walk. We need leadership. Boldness, trustworthiness, wisdom, and someone that listens and cares about everyone’s needs.

[@adammetcalfe8748]

You know if Devos was ever an actual teacher she'd know damn well how germy students are

[@Meyersci]

Even if she were an actual human!

[@timapple6586]

I'm guessing she was a booger-eater.

[@dannyhill8797]

she DOES, and she knows something about A.D.A. ..ask her, and let the stonewalling begin!..she will assume you know nothing about that and BS you six ways to NEXT Tuesday..i know what it is, and am FULLY aware they are going on about everything EXCEPT that......

[@tiredlocke]

She wouldn't even need to be a teacher. She would only have to _listen_ to teachers. Or have actual experience with real children. But as the wholly unqualified Secretary of Education, she thinks her job is just to pitch whatever political idiocy comes out of the White House. And divert federal funds to private religious schools where they can pray away the virus.

[@coll6914]

Lol they think they can control COVID, they can’t even control lice

[@ludvigeh]

Stephen’s wife laughing at all his dad jokes is unbelievably wholesome

[@keepup8868]

DeVos’s soul and mind are so empty, if she got too near a black hole, the black hole would disappear into her.

[@swizzle1961]

😂

[@Nevertoleave]

I read someone call her DeVoid, and fuck if that wasn’t the best description of her I’ve read

[@mainemceachern1521]

Black holes are hyper dense, thus their incredible gravitational pull, but I take your point. :)

[@julietaobrado3606]

😂 that is so savage

[@SmugSuspenders]

@@mainemceachern1521 Well, she is hyper dense

[@Betis91]

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers" - George Carlin

[@ruby07241]

God, how I miss Carlin.

[@heidithomas5455]

@@ruby07241 I just said this to myself and then I read your comment. We need another Carlin to give it to Americans.

[@demoskunk]

In 2020 that perfectly applied to the leftwing apologists for government authoritarianism.

[@cheriecullum9489]

Even on Gilligan's island they knew to listen to the professor over the millionaire

[@annEngr]

This is a great analogy!

[@tamarakennedy4976]

Laughing my ass off....brilliant !!! Lmao lmao oh my gosh..lmao.

[@shelleywall5556]

Cherie Cullum 😂😂😂

[@darquequeen2323]

👍🏼👍🏼

[@nestaannjarrett4948]

That should be on a shirt!

[@BlueSparrow23]

My favorite part of this Late Show from home is we get to see how cute it is when Stephen tries to make his wife laugh.

[@Kydabra]

I love the banter between Colbert and his wife. Warms my heart😊

[@pattiharvey8889]

Dr Stephen Colbert is the best medicine for when I'm feeling down.

[@aprilcalhoun8984]

I love that deer in the headlights look DeVos got when Chris Wallace asked her about a plan. How could she not anticipate that question?

[@socaliguy81]

Because the plan is to not have a plan. It's designed to let everything devolve into chaos to further divide the haves from the have-nots.

[@Maco777111]

She was probably hoping she got literally any other fox host besides Chris Wallace, all of whom lack any kind of morals and would ask her softball questions

[@dlmalley8639]

DeVos has Tweaker Eyes, SAME DRUG AS TRUMP?

[@ryanwilliams8750]

Because she works for Drumpf lol do you really think any of them "anticipate" anything? They just wing everything and dont give two shits about anybody, especially those on the other side of the aisle. Terrible kind people to have in power...

[@rasmie8858]

DeVos' sole job is to dismantle education system so Trump can feel better about his own lack of education There's no place for educated people in Trump's 'Murica

[@urbaniv]

Here is how we in Austria (Europe) opened the schools again: - class was split in group A and B - A had school from Monday to wednesday, B from Thursday to Friday (and then the next week the other way around) the group who hadn't school had lessons to do with an assistant teacher in a different room. - they had to wear masks outside their assigned rooms - the group's weren't allowed to mix or meet - trying to keep distance (not possible tough with children) - if there was a possible case the whole group had to stay at home until the test come back negative / if positive the whole group was two weeks under quarantine That worked, since the smaller groups made a good distance possible But we opened when it was already almost suppressed and not when it's on the raise like in the US

[@leandabee]

We did that too in Australia 👍

[@mrwascallyt9865]

@@leandabee hopefully someone is pointing out to conmandurr n thief that there ARE good models out there to follow . Godspeed to all the countries doing their best for their people . God please help us from the blind and deaf , figuratively , in our country and others that are not .

[@SuperLeica1]

Oh, so you had a plan! Send a copy, please!

[@guidobit]

Coronavirus: raises US: it's a bluff, call !

[@evanwhite8377]

Did anyone else come here to see if any Americans tried to say you and your country did it wrong?? 😂

[@AlbertaGeek]

To be perfectly honest, I'm going to miss these at-home episodes when he goes back to the studio. The intimacy of the setting has such as easy-going charm to it, and the one-on-one feel brings out the very essence of comedic delivery. This is top-quality work from everyone involved.

[@PsiQ]

they can rebuild is reading room in the studio. way better then the furry hat.

[@dyan785]

we probably won't have to worry about that for a while unfortunately

[@sternis1]

I cannot get over the fact that Roger Stone looks so perfectly like a villian. I could definitely see him being an adversery to classic Bond or Batman. I mean, I couldn't make up a better villian look even if I tried.

[@christinawatson16]

the Riddler

[@keroloss8427]

WELCOME BACK STEPHEN. WE'VE MISSED YOUU!!!

[@cidb.212]

"Secretary of Education and woman just learning she's Secretary of Education"--sad but true. I've never seen her answer the question she's been asked. Maybe she should sell one of her yachts and buy herself a clue.

[@vintagethings9187]

Spot on Cid! It would be nice to change the background in her interviews to piles of gold bars that match her wealth, and see how concerned for ordinary people she looks then.

[@sluttymctits4496]

The only thing that bothers me more than her incessant deflection and avoidance is that dumb, shit-eating grin she always wears. I don't know if she thinks it makes her looks nice and approachable, or if she thinks she's successfully pulling one over on the American public, but it truly triggers me more than it should.

[@katthefantastic]

She reminds me of the sub home ec teacher who likes telling lies on you to your parents just to see you get in trouble!

[@cidb.212]

@@katthefantastic OMG, did you have one of those too?

[@SuperBC1975]

Welcome back, Stephen. We missed you!

[@thunkjunk]

President Understatement: There is a time and a place to wear a mask. Captain Obvious: Yes, during a pandemic and on your face.

[@sarcasticat6979]

"Ermegerhd thehre knerhkin derwhn the mernumerhnts!" is the best line

[@melan8ed197]

cringe

[@rockandrollfantasy86]

@@melan8ed197 right? It's almost as cringey as saying "yeet"..

[@melan8ed197]

rockandrollfantasy86 boomer

[@rockandrollfantasy86]

​@@melan8ed197I once knew a boomer, my Grampa, he died yesterday. :(

[@tarron3237]

@@melan8ed197 Hipster. Btw is that stupid word still a thing? It sure is getting old, fast. Gotta get your next hip buzzword man!

[@strippelhoff4898]

Closes schools at 1,000 national cases - then attempts to force schools to reopen at 3.3 million national cases

[@kalaturru]

"Rabid raccoons are less of a disease vector than children" is probably my favourite line from this whole video cause of just how horribly true it is

[@brye687]

Children they are like adorable little petri dishes, that run around and touch everything... how could this go wrong?

[@squid_fish]

I was rolling on that one - damn I missed Stephen these last two weeks ✌🏽✌🏿✌🏻

[@geekgirrrl]

Lol,who knew Children of the Corn would happen in my lifetime, lol

[@jwcarroll6378]

That joke came from the heart. He didn’t need the writers for that. 🤣

[@annmarieknapp]

Damn, that is true. I was constantly sick the first 5 years my kid was in day care and then school.

[@blackraptor2260]

So, just a few days ago, my mom, a college professor, was just told by her father (a retired college professor) that she should sue the university for the right to meet with her classes face to face. My mom is in in the 50-55 range. WTF, Grandpa.

[@JuanGarcia-tb7ph]

Grandpa is flirting with the Rona.

[@pamelacass9642]

Boy, your grandpa hates your mom. How long has that been going on?

[@blackraptor2260]

@@pamelacass9642 No, he's just delusional. He's a very strange man. And a Republican. It's just. You feel like he should know better.

[@bedfordnhdonkey]

Your grandad is right. Kids aren’t high risk carriers of the virus, dummy

[@blackraptor2260]

@@bedfordnhdonkey I'm going to go ahead and assume you're being sarcastic.

[@emilyfouquettehoffman7886]

Oh thank goodness you’re back Mr. Stephen Colbert! I almost lost it without you!!! 😫😫😫

[@KyleMurphyArt]

Colbert is at the top of his game; his timing in some of these jokes is brilliant.

[@suzyqualcast6269]

Cos he's been snortling for fourteen....

[@politicalpolitics7139]

@Russell Warren wut, you may have lost your remaining brain cell

[@jessiehogue.]

DeVos seems terrified before, and during, each and every time she has to open her mouth to say anything about education. Distorted, tense facial expression, eyes way wide open, eyebrows raised, head movement punctuating every element she repeats robotically from her bosses when she knows there is no good, rational answer to provide. It's like her conscience is trapped deep down inside, chained up, malnourished, weakened, yet still screaming at her to either stay silent or say the right thing for once, but she barely manages to shut it up at the last second and follows up by spouting out the same BS she was told to say after several long seconds of inner conflict. Must be a fun life to be actively fighting against any and all forms of common sense, compassion and empathy for the sake of money.

[@robertmichalscheck3072]

Just like trump

[@stargazer1359]

Let us make sure that we include guns in schools to keep away both Grizzlies .......and the virus. That ought to help - bigly.

[@jamesgallagher1992]

Thats just the plastic surgery🤣🤣

[@koleyw932]

I hate her fake smile while delivering bad news. Phonies and liars have perfected this technique.

[@jessiehogue.]

@Alfred Basurto I'm not sure she has a problem with sacrificing the children. She sure didn't seem like she had a problem with ruining their education so far. I think it's more specifically only the 'terrified of Trump' part.

[@Kholdilocks]

"It's got a very Don Jr look" I didn't want to say it but... yeah. At least you don't look like Eric yet.

[@AscensionStories]

I love that the whole show now is just Stephen flirting with his wife

[@ktreznin5538]

What in the hell was Devos even trying to say there? How freaking unclear can you be?!

[@michaelbray109]

Clarity leads to accountability....

[@vasavapr]

That's exactly the point. Makes it easy to backtrack.

[@wlo6]

As a healthcare worker, I know that Dr Fauci is recognized as one of the main editors of Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine, the textbook used WORLDWIDE by Drs and medical students as the best medical reference. It aches my heart to see what’s supposed to be a world leader attack the noble knowledge of such a leading doctor for political purposes. This says a lot to whoever wants to see things as they are.

[@allisonboone7973]

Do you know how many times Fauci has flip flopped on his statements to the American people in the past 6 months? He contradicts his own statements every time he speaks. One thing he's been consistent on is the need for a vaccine, specifically the one Moderna is making and I'm sure it's just a coincidence that he personally invested millions in that company that has never made a vaccine before. But, yeah, you should definitely trust that guy.

[@sciencewins8798]

It's obvious that tRump is getting desperate. Somebody anybody is just right to be used as a scapegoat. Unfortunately, now it's Fauci. But the majority knows the lying criminal by now and doesn't believe him.

[@allisonboone7973]

@Connie Plum Clorox? You must be referencing when Trump was talking about the holistic uv light treatment that acts like a disinfectant which is the way it's described by holistic doctors that use it. It was suggested that exposing the inside of the lungs to the light would kill any virus that was in the lungs. I'm pretty sure members of the media knew what he was talking about but they chose to twist it because people in America will believe anything the tv tells them, obviously. As far as hydroxychloroquine, the NIH ( that's where Fauci works) did a study of it's effect on SARS-CoV1 with great results. What we're currently faced with is SARS-CoV2, 90% the same as SARS-CoV1. Doctors around the country & the word have used it successfully on patients, doctors have taken it themselves as a preventive measure. Why wouldn't Fauci mention his own study? Maybe because lives are less important than playing politics of because he wants people to get vaccine he invested so much in, or both?

[@talltroll7092]

@@allisonboone7973 "Flip-flopping" has somehow become seen as a bad thing in politicians, but it is just insane to see it as a bad thing in a doctor. Of course he has changed some of the things he says and thinks on this; it's a brand new disease, never before seen by science, and it is causing a worldwide public health emergency. Advice that was good months ago, when the virus was less widespread, was valid then, but was never going to be good forever. When he started advocating lockdown, he wasn't intending for the entire US population to forever remain isolated from each other; the intention was always to eventually rescind that advice (or flip-flop, as you so eloquently put it) when it was safe to do so

[@Tustin2121]

Allison Boone - Oh please, tell us, how on earth were they planning to get UV light into the lungs? Do they have light-emitting pills that will dissolve in the lungs and won’t go to the stomach like everything else swallowed? Are they gonna stick a flashlight down your throat? Are they gonna perform invasive surgery to go in through the chest? Please, I’d love to know.

[@mwatson4970]

I love how you and Evie play off each other. Good, real jokes that actually make us (and her) laugh without an audience really is needed these days!

[@dairycans]

Betsy is what happens when Karen becomes the manager. A complete paradox, a singularity of calculated evil and ignorance.

[@pdoylemi]

I love it when Evie laughs, but Stephen - I am angry - YOU, and SETH MEYERS, and KIMMEL are simply NOT allowed to all go on vacation at the same time! At least not until Donnie Dorko is out of the Oval! You mentioned blood pressure - I need you guys to help keep mine down!

[@sophierobinson2738]

Pat Doyle And Trevor Noah.

[@nestaannjarrett4948]

@@sophierobinson2738 don't forget John Oliver

[@panhandlejunior4607]

Ghengis kant

[@schwig44]

@@nestaannjarrett4948 Perhaps they all met up to plan something, who knows, maybe 20 years from now we'll be remembering that weird time we dodged authoritarianism thanks to a band of comedy hosts. I'd see that movie, lol

[@simterio3077]

Loooooooool. Dude you really think they are all on vacation.? Ellen and oprah too ? They are arrested.

[@BizzeeB]

Florida: Who needs Epcot Center when you've got epicenter?

[@vintagethings9187]

👏👏👏

[@RWAsur]

The fake Europe joke made me bark out loud, love it. Ah Florida, it was nice knowing you.

[@Spacemonkie42]

Quote of the week. I love it.

[@sharonmullins1957]

Perfect!

[@kirknay]

7:15 "Rabid raccoons are less of a disease vector than children." *Never have I been more offended by something I completely agree with.*

[@Barebittelitt]

Evie's laughter is so lovely. Stephen is so cute. Thank godness he's back. I've missed his so much.

[@Ay-B]

His wife laughing at the fart joke . . . . They're too adorable!

[@LadyJoolree]

“Head the hat came with” Now THAT made me choke on my tea from laughing! 🤣🤣

[@susandunn6885]

Me too. I laughed my head off with my hat rolling. 😂

[@fate7cola]

I’m not ready to lose the love, banter, and positive role modeling between Stephen and his wife. ❤️🥰 You two make a terrific team.

[@a.l.m3059]

Forgot how much I missed Colbert! It's like I can breathe again as we go through this strange, slow-moving apocalypse... Glad for Evie's good humor, too. Thanks, Late Show!!!

[@shtirlh7825]

Has Trump invested in funeral company’s lately?

[@tudeslildude]

Perhaps just in embalming fluids, or kid sized coffins.

[@oldrrocr]

trying to make up losses from the hydroxychloroquine and OBAMAGATE debacles.

[@stealthslide2723]

@@tudeslildude Schools with no children, buy cheap, make skyscraper, PROFIT.

[@JCTiggs1]

If he did it most certainly would go bankrupt. We're talking about the orange moron who bankrupted his own casinos.

[@petyrkowalski9887]

Make American Graves Again

[@LeftIsBest001]

*He's back baby!!! Stephen, never leave us again!!!* 💜💋👍😀

[@kaicreech7336]

I actually think that this show should continue to be produced from Steven's attic, this is great!

[@luyawish]

He had a theater of fans cheering him on and now it`s just his wife. It`s more adorable now

[@myas3656]

Welcome back Stephen, we missed you.

[@septemberwilson2546]

When thing go back to normal I'm going to miss Stephen talking to his wife at the beginning

[@l.l.1851]

Me too! I luv how she grounds him🙌

[@tonioshea9870]

Yes, they're "meant to be." 💏 Precious! Almost as sweet as the love between Donnie & Miss Slovenia.🤣🤣 Kidding! 😸

[@brutock]

So true

[@chelseaminton6836]

I’m going to miss it too!! They are so genuinely in love and I love how they enjoy each other’s company and just have fun ❤️ When they make each other laugh it’s so infectious!

[@timapple6586]

Totally. If he engaged in foreplay with a studio audience he'd suddenly be Craig Ferguson.

[@jamesflanagan6984]

I love your relationship with your wife. It is one of the sweetest, most admirable things on television.

[@PitFriend1]

“Hopefully I’ll look good in it.” Unfortunately Mr. Trump we can still see your face so the answer is no, you don’t look good.

[@SuperLeica1]

At least the mask makes him look better. With a full hazmat headkit, he´d look close to human.

[@i_booba]

He's such a damn narcissist if he's worried more about how he looks instead of keeping people safe.

[@Amy-yx9pl]

@@i_booba This exactly. And yet, at the same time he's babbling about looking good, he can't see his crazed makeup job and the godawful straw rug on his head, probably cuz dementia.

[@angelart896]

I hate that seth and Steven both go on break at the same time they need to organize and get a schedule made so we have at least one of them at all times

[@dixiedawnmillergoode6850]

angel art and Trevor too

[@cheknfaks]

Yeah and so did Jimmy K. and Trevor N.. all of them must have gone on vacation and to the same island together.

[@fardareismai4495]

They hold their secret council together of course. They figure out together how to keep people sane.

[@SimKitty1221]

Agreed!

[@AMortalDefiant]

And Hasan and John Oliver.

[@LumiereDarlin]

Evie giggling at dumb jokes is the thing I’ll miss most when Colbert goes back to the studio. She always makes me smile! ❤️❤️

[@elvismcnab4805]

He will never be back in studio. He's going to jail for the rest of his life.

[@YingofDarkness]

@@elvismcnab4805 For?

[@kalinadesseaux8011]

Hearing your wife laughing in the background is the high point of my day rn Steven you two are too CUTE!

[@magistrumartium]

"Hopefully, I'll look good in a mask." That's what matters most.

[@JUGURNAUT1]

There is a time and a place: pandemic and a face

[@bunzeebear2973]

someone should paint a happy face on it "Like the Joker" from BATMAN

[@marenkuether-ulberg3311]

He was so proud to think that it made him look like the Lone Ranger. He didn’t connect that the Lone Ranger wore his mask over his *eyes*. Of course, Trump’s been wearing a mask over everything but his mouth for years.

[@sacrilegiousboi]

His wife's giggles at his jokes are the best freaking thing ever. They are the best couple. 🥰

[@mariankushigbor9605]

Yes aaawww🥰

[@ce2513]

that devos is a billionaire perfectly exemplifies what’s wrong with america.

[@oldrrocr]

I think I detect a slight Nazi accent...

[@brucealbietz1283]

cs e not to mention the millions that she received from the PPP program

[@gailremp3628]

Well... she profited from the American Way, Amway products as they Scammed so many little people that were trying to start a business. Why should we be surprised..

[@mettejakobsen7017]

cs e. Could be a perfect Cruella Deville😂

[@lynjenkins6473]

Not to mention her husband owns educational institutes.

[@vickyhaynes4509]

I just love that voice you do you always make me laugh and I think if we weren't laughing occasionally would be crying all the time thank you for all you do don't ever stop we need you

[@kathy608]

I love how Evie giggles at all of Stephen's jokes, and he obviously loves having her as his live audience of one!

[@baardkopperud]

"No hairspray, no pants!" Already looking forward to tomorrow's show! 👍😁👍

[@stoodmuffinpersonal3144]

"But, the kids could get sick. Even Die." "The kids will go back to school, it is important. They must go back to school." "But." "The kids must go back to school." "Kids must go back to school." "You will go back to school." "You will go back to school." "You will go back to school." ... "You will comply."

[@onedivbypi2241]

They would be safer backpacking across Europe early and doing something else when they graduate... besides some French dude who turns out not to be an artist.

[@MrWhoDare]

OBEY

[@Chonos1000]

Resistance is futile

[@rodchristian1363]

@@Chonos1000 davros the dr who darlec perhaps cheers

[@jrazor5624]

Common sense says the kids can wait until the scary orange monster has the VIRUS under control.

[@jayzee7641]

Has anyone noticed that when you combine Trump's decisions to commute the criminal verdicts of Flynn and Stone has created a new despot comedy called the !Flynn-Stones".

[@JohnSmith-zv8km]

lol

[@biancaa9825]

Who elected these tools? Omg Betsy! That lady has a job!?!

[@RmcBlueSky]

Trump

[@hisomeonetrackingmuch1309]

Blue Sky with help from Putin

[@mx2411]

Fauci is the only person I trust in the White House, let him talk.

[@ryanchristy319]

Its disgusting that Trump is using Fauci as a scapegoat and it sickens me that Trump tosses aside the people he appoints like broken tool when they disagree with him or outlive their usefulness in Trump's eyes

[@jon__doe]

Trump is distancing himself from Fauci because he's been wrong so often. Fauci has lost a lot of credibility and keeps doubling down on draconian efforts to quell the virus without considering the collateral damage those efforts produce. Fauci ONLY sees his fight against the virus as if the economy doesn't matter, as if elective surgeries don't matter, as if cancer screenings don't matter, as if mortgages ar irrelevant. IF the virus were closer to the original projected mortality rate then perhaps a heavy handed approach would be rational, but that's not the case. Far more people will die from the mitigation than from the virus. It'll simply never be quantified so you'll never hear about it.

[@typerexc]

Kate McKinnon totally nailed DeVos: Dippy and soulless.

[@twstf8905]

Hahaha Obi-wan 😂👍 I'm literally DYING here lol these monologues get funnier by the day! 🤣

[@jstnsmutek]

Her: "Schools must do what's right, on the ground, for their students, in that situation." Also her: Schools must open no matter what

[@nancychandler367]

Devos is soooooo incompetent.

[@hanscheong2676]

And her eyes look dead (NOT EVEN BLINKING!!) while coming out this statement!!!! LOL!!!

[@melaniejanz8033]

Hans Cheong maybe a little too much Botox

[@adrastoso9727]

“Let’s throw a condom over the whole state” 🤣🤣🤣

[@Maalstrom]

The venom of the people would just melt right through it.

[@benevida1963]

Adrastos O and the visual was just awesome!

[@igorschmidlapp6987]

I've said it before... "Florida: America's Penis"...

[@FixNewsPlease]

Or Lorena the whole state.

[@wf6951]

Look, If I can cook in a 95 degree kitchen with a mask, chef jacket and pants with a apron plus glasses on, ya'll can wear one inside stores.

[@achamber2628]

"The plan is to have schools do what they need." - aka we ain't got no damn plan, and we don't care about your children. Even if hundreds die, it's more important to make our boss Trump look good.

[@achamber2628]

@Zuma Zuma That's a fair point, but still terrible.

[@lynntaylor9681]

I missed Stephen so much. I'm so glad he's back.

[@Remmy_likescheese]

Me to!

[@rien3201]

same!

[@rebeccabsomanybooks3558]

He takes the edge off the insanity.

[@dahyanag4128]

Same here!

[@mlghelp2day]

Millions around the world: YESSS.....US TOO!👏👏👏💙❤💙❤💙❤

[@moonleafteaofthemonth]

"If they're not going to fulfill that promise, then they don't deserve the funding." Kay. So what's the excuse for not defunding the police?

[@VaveeDances]

I just love Stephen and Evie’s wonderful relationship.

[@jenniferrabuchin364]

Thank you for the laughs Stephen! We need them so much right now

[@tylerfortson9535]

this time off has felt like a decade

[@ninalove3044]

Agreed!

[@Turtleproof]

69 likes. Nice.

[@lornaginetteharrison7168]

Oh boy, I’m SO glad Stephen’s back! I made the mistake of trying to persuade someone commenting on a KZbin channel about the seriousness of the COVID-19 pandemic last week, who maintained it’s all a hoax & a conspiracy theory to try & control the public. I honestly felt I engaged with this person politely & in good humour, mustering as much patience as I could. I seriously wasn’t looking for a fight, & I’m not even sure now why I thought this time would be different, but after my neighbour died back in April from coronavirus, & this particular individual was claiming that only the elderly were dying - NOT true, of course - & that "they were probably going to die soon anyway, so it’s no great loss" - direct quote - & this was no different to catching a normal regular seasonal cold, I felt I at least had to try...Needless to say, it did _NOT_ end well! This person said that I was selfish for not wanting my 77 yr-old father to be put at risk & possibly die, & was generally really incredibly cruel & horribly nasty. It seems the last couple hundred or so years of medical & scientific advancement has suddenly been thrown out of the window, & we’re back to the Dark Ages, & they think "Well I can’t see this so-called COVID virus with my naked eye, therefore I’ve decided it does not exist as I’ve been inconvenienced by it for far too long, & that’s that!" Living in the UK, maybe I’m not even allowed to venture forth an opinion on how anyone in another country should try to act, although seeing as the Conservative British government’s response to this serious health crisis has been the absolute worst in the whole of Europe - possibly even the world, if you scale up & compensate for total deaths per head of population - & has repeatedly reacted far too late at every stage of the outbreak, I feel that there’s a certain kinship with the US & the totally calamitous "leadership" by Trump & Republican State Senators, & I truly don’t want any more Americans to needlessly be affected by this disease either, if they can possibly help to avoid it by taking some simple, sensible precautions. But of late it often seems like I care more about the lives of complete strangers thousands of miles away, who I don’t even know & whom I’m never likely to meet, than their own effing relatives! What madness _IS_ this?!! Anyhow, I hope everyone who has kindly - & patiently! - managed to wade through this overly long & meandering missive, is keeping safe & well, wherever you currently reside in the world! And _PLEASE_ don’t give-up on medical science & actual, provable facts! I’m not exactly religious, at all, but I pray sanity will miraculously make a comeback sometime soon, for _EVERYONE’S_ sake!

[@melissahanselman5574]

U can't argue facts and science with trolls. Some people act that stupid just to piss ppl off. They learn from their leader. The president of trolls

[@4knewt505]

You are a friend. Thank you for a compassionate comment. I hope your father stays well and safe.

[@lornahardin169]

Lorna Ginette Harrison well said as I only a Lorna can.

[@brodiehawkes2599]

Thank you for sharing some love! I hope you and your family make it through this safely < 3 There is another side to this crisis and if we all work together to help keep each other healthy we'll reach it much quicker!

[@julesl7679]

People who don't believe should die.

[@StolenSpring]

"The plan is---There is no one uniform approach that we can take nation wide" Okay so what I'm hearing is there is no plan.

[@Nevertoleave]

Paige Kennedy what I’m hearing is that online classes are a viable plan, “too many cases it isn’t safe. You want to pull our funding? You said how we handle it is up to our individual discretion and this is how we decided it was safest.” Honestly, at this point fuck the US federal government. If the bully is already punching you in the face what do you have to loose by kneeing him in the nuts? Revolt. Continue online classes and ignore the government. If they try to take away funding lite them up, literally or at the polls, whatever. Make sure the government knows it’s an issue and the guy saying they’ll take away funding is going to lose. You put them in power and by the strike of a ballot or a match you will strip them of it

[@TokyoBlue587]

Apparently the plan is: 1. Send everyone back to school 2. Wait till people start dying (teachers, parents, possibly kids) 3. Blame the schools 4. Close them again and pull their funding

[@StolenSpring]

@@Nevertoleave I agree with you on the online classes. I'm also not the one that's arguing whether or not online classes are a viable option for; let's say gradeschoolers. I dont even have kids, nor am I an school, however things like this I DO worry about because there will come a time where I do want to go to school and start a family. Yes. We do need to revolt.

[@jemiebridges3197]

Isn't the point of her office to BE the unifying approach the country takes? This is WHAT we are aiming for but I'll leave you some room on how to get there.

[@jemiebridges3197]

@@TokyoBlue587 what finding. You think Devoss and Trump Inc. haven't spent that up already? They need the schools running so they can blame them for over spending.

[@annmariecassani8388]

Love you, Stephen, you're the best.

[@algorhythm4593]

Lol...you gotta get better friends.

[@somosgenel]

"MAGA2020: JOE BIDEN FOR PRESIDENT."(TRADEMARKJA2020).....Doctor Fauci: We are with you sir.... Keep speaking TRUTH to power...

[@mariorivera5533]

Betsy Devos looks like a bad impersonation of Dana Carvey doing "Church Lady"

[@raphaelmapp8407]

Hahaha the accuracy of this

[@mariahgrimes207]

Omg yes!! And sounds about like her too

[@rebekahplanto4764]

Mario Rivera omg- so accurate! 😂

[@nelsonthibeau4480]

Weell ,Isn't that spaciele😆😂

[@l.l.1851]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@TheHonestPeanut]

When you're heroes main stats include "ability to eat two cans of beans for breakfast" and "ability to drink a glass of water with only one hand" you may want to reexamine your life.

[@blindedbylife5725]

Hey, he had to put a lot of work into that drinking water with one hand thing. You saw how bad it was before and how hard he worked to make sure he could do that. It was super impressive. He lifted a glass of water all the way from the table to his mouth. How many people can really say they can do that? People cheered. He got applause for that amazing feat.

[@mrwascallyt9865]

two cans of beans and coffee sounds like a warning . fire in the hole ,fire in the hole , fire in the hole ! some of my vets out there know what i mean . if you don't ,ask one .

[@johannaferguson7469]

Dear Stephen, please hire your wife when you go back to “normal”. The two of you are amazing! 👏👏👏

[@TonesDroneVisuals]

If you don't want to wear a face mask, you'll really hate wearing a respirator

[@crapstirrer]

Somehow I don't think they'd notice wearing a coffin.

[@mostmelon]

Hey now, respirators have certain advantages over masks. Mainly, it’s not as easy to talk.

[@Turtleproof]

I've said it so many times: surgical masks are mildly uncomfortable but it beats drowning in my own lungs.

[@wsk5nwytscnkfsu]

You mean ventilators

[@JoseGonzalez-mf3oq]

@@wsk5nwytscnkfsulol thank you professor white.

[@pendletonbrian]

I missed my daily dose of Colbert. Welcome back.

[@senguptasayn]

Welcome back! My days were dark without Colbert.

[@DinoJake]

Reminds me of a tweet I saw once. "Not only will kids spread the disease, but they will spend their recesses licking their hands and deliberately chasing each other yelling 'COROOOONA!'" - Some tweet I saw once.

[@romulusthemainecoon3047]

Listening to DeVos speak reminds me of Michael Scott's "Do not ever, for any reason..." speech

[@carinacorrea1976]

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 Brilliant. Just brilliant

[@fbaynow5554]

OMG!!! I hope people remember that the republicans allowed her to go through and get to this position. Does he have a single person that is qualified in his administration???

[@walleyperch]

The republicans have a lot to answer for - they're complicit in everything...

[@StephanFitzgeraldTay]

No, he doesn't. And the sad thing is, most Americans knew that he wouldn't even try to find anyone who was competent.

[@lawrencesmith4960]

@@walleyperch Where do you get your information? Years ago I decided to research and backcheck mainstream media for validity of reporting, before I incorporated their words into my beliefs. There is a reason its called crap. Let Chris Cuomo from CNN sum it up. Cuomo spoke immediately prior the vote that put Trump in the White House. " We, and I have done more than anyone to give Hillary a free ride, now it needs to get done" Think about those words..... Independent networks are the little guys, who want the truth to get out, they struggle to get by while corporate reporters like Cuomo make millions for reciting pre scripted narrative. They are corporate assets. You are naive if you think they aren't. Wikileaks, for instance, released over 7000 leaked, original and verified documents implicating various corporations and entities before Trump went political and no one ever questioned their validity of material. Julian assange spent years holed up in an embassy, devoid of many personal freedoms to get this information out. But those watching mainstream never see it, its walled off. Nothing personal, but speaking to many on the left has me thinking they live in a bubble, devoid of relevant fact. Wikileaks released much damning information, original documents you aren't allowed to see on several key democrat figures. Turn off the crap media, and I include Fox, and watch the country heal. Not long ago the left protected free speaking h, at any cost. Today, anyone having an opposing opinion is being systematically censored, demonitized, deplatformed and or have quack labels warning of those entering their sites. For over 10 years I belonged to Natural News. Mike Adam's has long been a public advocate for many and extremely moral on business exchange. Because he spoke out about wrongs in the health industry he was shut down. If you are not aware you should be, because when that media wheel turns it will be your views that are muzzled.

[@TeddyBear-cg3lz]

@@lawrencesmith4960 In his first 2 years, President Trump achieved an attack on NATO that the Russians had be unable to do for 70 years. You may want to rethink who you really want to support. A President in Donald Trump who attacks Dr. Fauci, who has been right about COVID-19 and it's impact. President Trumps policies towards COVID-19 have resulted in more than 3.4 million cases of COVID-19 with over 136,000 deaths. I for one don't think that President Trump has performed well as President and his disastrous handling of COVID-19 is just one of many examples of his inability to perform competently as the President of the USA.

[@Nevertoleave]

Craig Bouchard republicans shut down the polling stations in traditionally democratic areas so that the few that fewer people will be able to get in before it closes to vote, meaning less people get to vote. In the one only a month or so ago people waiting in line for hours had to demand that they get to vote as the station tried to tell them they didn’t get to vote since the deadline passed even though they had already been in line before and thus are allowed to vote. It’s a bottleneck, fewer stations means fewer people are able to get in to vote. There has never been a problem with mail in voter fraud and several states already have it

[@ray7845]

Not enough bleach in the entire US for the much needed cleaning that is coming this November.

[@D_McGeezacks]

Yeah...Trump followers drank it all

[@michaelstollairetbarceo3287]

@MidScream1 no orange man is bad, orange man need no re-election.

[@warehouses138]

2:55 😂😂😂 I needed this in my life. Anyone able to make this a meme for me?