A Vengeful Trump Strikes Out At His Enemies, Fires Vindman & Sondland During "Friday Night Massac…

[@ezelfrancisco1349]

You know it’s bad when Stephen has a 17-minute monologue

[@BarbaraDr2023]

Yees

[@MSavva91]

Monologue

[@perhammarstrom4559]

In his defense it was two subjects. Oscar and revenge. Oh I forgot orange face...

[@couragekarnga8735]

I call that a gift.

[@diogocaeiro8808]

@@couragekarnga8735 Amen!

[@literfluid5028]

Someone asked "Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?" Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response: "A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief. Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty. Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness. There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege. And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down. So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that: * Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are. * You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man. This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump. And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: 'My God… what… have… I… created? If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set."

[@Cypresssina]

If anyone has a tl:dr over that, they really missed out. That was beautifully said and someone I'm going to read more about. Thank you.

[@pash9956]

Amazingly astute on Trump🐽!

[@IneffableFoxy]

The most apt description!

[@pakde8002]

Pretty long explanation when the last sentence is sufficient.

[@impunitythebagpuss]

Could not have said it better...kudos to this writer.

[@kevencarson4226]

VOTE, Vote and tell ur friends. We need action Not Words...

[@barneys4236]

Luckily democratic voters crowded in the big cities got smart this time and migrated into the swing states so they could vote there.

[@randomjoe3941]

Considering Trump can do ANYTHING he wants to cheat the election as long as he says "I believe this is in the national interest" Trump could literally block democratic states from being able to vote.. He could even cancel the election altogether = perfectly legal now.

[@4WingedAngels]

Your Vote Is Your Voice!

[@Supernov4]

As if voting made any difference when the system is rigged. Action is needed, people just seem to be sleeping on all of this corruption.

[@dontownsend3434]

This will get Dems elrcted.... kzbin.info/www/bejne/n6rFqahpfJydh9E

[@akowalz]

Can I just say thank you to whoever at CBS decided they were going to stop breaking up the monologues into 4 different youtube clips.

[@spammyhell6566]

+akowalz ~ Judging by past vacillations I wouldn't get too used to it, but, yes, it sure is nice not to have to hunt for the pieces and try to figure out their order. Even if you get the order right, the disruption can kill call-back jokes.

[@chrisb7149]

Love this

[@homersimpson9352]

Use the play list

[@223Drone]

Nothing says being anti-corruption like firing people who held you accountable.

[@toadjiang7626]

Nothing says being anti-corruption like appointing your own daughter and son-in-law to key government positions.

[@inyoface05]

Nothing says being anti-corruption like spending taxpayers money on trips to his own Businesses

[@couragekarnga8735]

It sounds exactly like something Kim Jong Un would do.

[@223Drone]

@Timothy McCaskey Can you provide a link?

[@2thomask]

But he was aquitted

[@NewMessage]

Darth Vader just slumped his shoulders and sighed heavily while picking up the phone to release a statement distancing the Empire from the Trump Administration.

[@lilsammich8252]

I barely knew the guy. He only worked for me for a very short time getting me coffee.

[@DIESEL0759]

Your lack of faith in believing I do not work for the Trump Administration disturbs me...

[@joanbowden7634]

@@lilsammich8252 don't u mean covfefe?

[@lilsammich8252]

@@joanbowden7634 And hamberders of course.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Hey, at least Darth Vader had some class.

[@isosebryl4086]

A Purple Heart American hero kicked out by a draft dodger, we have hit a new low!! 🤯

[@arenc5619]

You win the internet for the day

[@inyoface05]

How the turns have tabled

[@donkalzone6671]

Didn't Trump honored Rush Limburg, a racist and sexist with the medal of freedom a few days ago?

[@Blazikenrjcf]

@DrMossydog If you think there haven't been assassinations and terrorism it's because you haven't been paying attention to the news. What do you call running a truck through a crowd of protesters or shooting up churches, etc.? That's terrorism, and you'll note that the vast majority of people who do that vote GOP (and now they vote Trump).

[@sararastikhah7039]

Wonder HOW low Trumptard IS going to go? I do? But as he's all mouth and not really smart enough to shut up. I am sure he will continue to surprise us being the stable genius that he claims to be. :/

[@suzanhyndman4045]

Stephen Colbert is a national treasure ......VOTE!

[@MrPerfactto27]

Its fantastic seeing all these stories of X-democrat voters leaving there party to join republicans. Alot of them feel as though the Democratic Party left them even though they grew up on democrats. It just had alot to do with basic facts and common sense. These smart American people left after the MANY lies being told about Trump they saw right through the BS with russia , mexicans , immigration , racism , completely false statements , hitler comparisons , ukraine the list never stops. Even more left the democrats when the media and late shows such as this one continued lying and falsely shaming Donald Trump excessively and constantly even Trump family was being targeted pathetic and disgraceful really . My only conclusion to why the left does this utter crap and still continues to this day is to create division amoung the people as well as brainwash the living hell outta the lefty liberals who will just not wake up. Or its a big distraction to whats really going on . Still think Trump is a crook you silly lefty liberal ?? well if Trumps a crook (which he isnt) Hillary Clinton is a master mind super villain of the century by far theres an entire universe difference between these two . But the dems do what they do best and thats accuse everyone else of the crimes they have already committed. How much longer will they get away with this tactic ? Rumour has it Hillary Clinton will be Bloombergs vice president talk about personal vendettas lmfao. By the way i identify as Jeffrey Epstein my pronouns are " I did not / Kill Myself " .Trump 2020 maga kag ;-).

[@MrPerfactto27]

@Kamal Rahman compared to a toilet bug i suppose ;-)

[@MrPerfactto27]

@vestiphobe No unfortunately for you and your wishingful thinking my brain functions are fine haha good one lol. Its ok vestiphobe your entitled to your opinion believe what ever u want . Your still frustrated over Hillary losing legitimately in 2016 i get it. The first female president will happen and it will be Ivanka Trump cant wait ;-).

[@riny6595]

That dude’s cardboard fell off right in the middle of his speech about technical errors is straight out of a comedy movie 🤣🤣🤣

[@alexanderrussell7597]

Rin Y > the timing is just perfect for the issue. 😀😀😅

[@ilovefunnyamv2nd]

that sign was innocent. i wouldn't want to be associated with Iowa right now either

[@maggierezac5820]

@@alexanderrussell7597 So true! Anyone else think of those horrible nightmares of going to work/school/out & realize you are naked? In the words of Michael Keaton in the movie 'Mr. Mom'; "Keep that sense of humour, it's critical!"

[@couragekarnga8735]

I think we're either living in the Matrix or Idiocracy.

[@NextChapterRapper]

The dems do NOT want to win an election ever again.

[@usfdave10]

Nothing says anti-corruption like giving your kids Govt jobs, bypassing security clearances, giving handouts to certain companies and making yourself richer from taxpayers.

[@andrewlailvaux1571]

Yeah and giving your entire salary to charity. LoL

[@usfdave10]

Andrew Lailvaux just like when companies spend $4m to tell people how they donated $1m.

[@philwilson609]

Anyone who believes that Trump dislikes corruption ought to be taken off of life support.

[@andrewlailvaux1571]

@Major Thought Ahead Sure sure. :) Did any of the democratic presidents ever donate theirs?

[@YZ250W1]

Andrew Lailvaux At least we know bone spurs can’t give it to his own charity now.

[@IAmSuzyQ]

Trump gave his voters something no one else would; permission to be their worst selves. That's why they will never abandon him.

[@toadjiang7626]

"permission to be their worst selves"? I thought religion had already got that covered.

[@lilsammich8252]

@@toadjiang7626 Cults are kind of like a religion.

[@IAmSuzyQ]

@@toadjiang7626 Touché.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Hillary was right. They are a basket of deplorables.

[@Reige17]

@Suzy Q - baby I love you

[@southernweather25]

"I don't want it no more. GIVE ME ANOTHER KEYBOARD." freaking John 😂😂

[@jcsacNZ]

war hero Vindman gets fired while racist Limbaugh gets a presidential medal...America is so f*ckd! Congrats Taika, NZ proud!

[@mrn32ayw]

So true!

[@Lilo-A]

Boy, you really put things in perspective. 😔

[@marymann423]

bloody hell get out and VOTE

[@MoonShadeStuff]

Don't forget he got fired by a draft dodger. All vets should be furious right now.

[@thatdudeca]

jcsacNZ "war hero" 😂😂 more like SNAKE. He went along with the bullshit Adam schiff made up in the house hearings and his brother also conveniently leaked part of john boltons book to the New York Times claiming Trump pressured Ukraine, even though zelenskyy said there was no pressure at all. Alex's brother at the NSC leaked that during the senate hearing as a last ditch effort to get witnesses in the senate and it failed miserably 😂 the only thing the democrats did in the impeachment hoax is expose biden and their own corruption.

[@strykeryeh5601]

Another 4 years and he will be executing his dissenters and enemies.

[@couragekarnga8735]

He would if he could, and we all know it.

[@HoonaticsMCNiko23Crowe]

Not if we get him first

[@telectronix1368]

Jesus H. No, he won't. He'll do worse than cost the lives of a few folk, he will (and his budget this week shows this) gut the ACA, and medicaid and medicare support and leave the US in stupefyjng levels of future debt on the back of tax cuts to his cronies.

[@millicentlopez3592]

De*'s refuse to get their shit together

[@joannajamerson35]

@@couragekarnga8735 100% he would have us ALL killed. I really believe Trump rounding us all up and gassing us

[@danielbrown1724]

Wow, a 17 minute monologue, love it!! Colbert is definitely in the zone tonight, those Biden brain call-outs were hilarious 😆

[@truthseeker2830]

“Some nights I wake up screaming” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@surelyyoujokemeinfailure7531]

.. because nothing screeches out your innocence in all caps like withholding evidence then retaliating against witnesses.

[@lornapedersen5869]

Stephen, you are the only person whose show gives me hope. I am scared for my children and grandchildren and America.

[@mattjames4]

Let me make this simple, if in fact you're an American..real news is hard to find...when all you see is a rant of fake news, reported by fake news media, or Stephen colbert... speaking to just make a paycheck, reality check.... they do this to get payed, and you in return the ppl you'll get a twisted version of the truth...which they do often when they report or tell a story you get "their version"... and trump calls them out on it... Quite often, and that pisses them off... that's low key why they hate him, he calls them out on their bullshit, and they hate it.What news teams like CNN, and Stephen Colbert do, when what they say becomes so far from the actual truth... that ppl call the actual truth, false....that's how sad it really is... that's the crap the media or dumb asses like stephen Colbert feed the ppl..Trump's not who the FAKE NEWS media portrays him as... and it saddens him, and it does anger him.. when news teams post hate about him, twist his words, and try to frame him with totally false impeachment charges... then post breaking news trump mad after impeachment...ranting in anger, damn right... id be mad too, if put through the same presidential harrasment he's put through..he wants to be a president that helps America thrive... make better trade deals with other countries where we don't get completely ripped off...build infrastructure, including border Security, he puts in work...and all he gets in return is hate, and that saddens him...he don't show it, he shows it in a more of a angry approach when he's bothered by the medias bullshit... he calls them out on it and they say, oh trump mad... trump angry damn right.. id be mad too...if put through the consistent unneeded bullshit he's put through...all because news media, wanna make a story and get payed... even if that means twisting ppls words to their own way to make the cut..it really is sad.

[@AIPTutorials]

@@mattjames4 hahahahahaha.

[@truthbetold8878]

Matt James, Admit it trump came out swinging at anyone and everyone. Were talking republican nominees, handicapped people, gold star parents, war hero’s. He questioned the legitimacy of Obama’s presidency making claims that he admitted were not true and now when he gets a bite of what he’s been dishing you want to give a passionate plea about how unfair he’s being treated. IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP NOW YOU’RE LATE FOR REALITY!

[@caleciajones2350]

@@mattjames4 Do you really believe all that? Damn. Damn.

[@marvinrussell1794]

@@AIPTutorials He must be on the Trump kool aid

[@kelliv2995]

Whistleblower protections were disregarded and there must be hell to pay

[@Brett_S_420]

There won't be any.

[@DIESEL0759]

There won't be. Whistleblower retaliation is legal.

[@scalylayde8751]

If only any laws mattered anymore. We're about 18 months away from The Purge at this point

[@jarchdm]

Didn't the impeachment show laws don't matter anymore

[@ericc2400]

@Rick Ton some people just don't have common sense

[@jeramiet154]

When that sign fell... priceless.

[@anhedonicauthor]

17 minute Stephen Colbert monologue? Thank you Stephen, I really needed this today.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

Same

[@Luffy2Y]

That is despicable action of someone I wouldn't even compare to a child because children can learn from their mistakes. He just can't.

[@coosoorlog]

"John Oliver is here" is actually another way to say "Merry Christmas" in my country.

[@ezelfrancisco1349]

Praise be. Let us give him our seed

[@couragekarnga8735]

When does LWT start up again?

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

And "Oh shit, it's that lazy British snob again" in ours

[@neontetraploid2026]

@@couragekarnga8735 I believe it starts next Sunday

[@gt_1242]

@@couragekarnga8735 Sunday 16th

[@nanfredman1991]

That pic of the space force rocket ship lifting...down?...was priceless.

[@paddycable1723]

Presidential hopefuls should really be capable of dealing with questions without responding abusively.

[@jimyarbrough9935]

Trump treats everyone like crap, well except the love of his life Putin.

[@brainwashingdetergent4128]

@@jimyarbrough9935 yea thata why as soon as Trump took office he sent missile defense systems and weapons to Ukrain something Obummer wouldnt do in fear it would escalate tensions with Russia or maybe it was really because its the demoncraps that are in love with Putin.

[@jorfice]

@@brainwashingdetergent4128 It works better if you sprinkle some facts in with the lies. Gotta say your name is pretty apt, though, given the tripe you're selling.

[@brainwashingdetergent4128]

@@jorfice prove ive lied

[@brainwashingdetergent4128]

@@jorfice give any reason as to why ive lied

[@tamil8108]

That attachment to the podium falling shoulda been followed with "I quit".

[@jeffphakenewz8556]

... or... "Just shoot me."

[@camiestockhausen2070]

Or he could have just laughed at the ridiculousness of it. I'm from Iowa and I did.

[@bunnies8773]

Followed by the 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' theme

[@freedomcounty6736]

DONT BE A LIBERAL STRING BEAN SLINKY JAWL HURR!!! BOP BOP!!! ALEX JONES OPEN JAWL SHEEPLES MIND!!! GO JETS!!!

[@gregreuter1081]

Firing Vindman was revenge, firing his brother is a vendetta.

[@mori1bund]

@m Suarez WTF!!! You realize that this country is not Donald Trump's own and personal "business"? You realize they're not hired by and work for Donald Trump but the American people? The problem with you Trumpsters is, that you don't have any understanding of right & wrong and don't recognize even the most basic rules of law & democracy...

[@mori1bund]

@m Suarez Wow! You really are clueless. Homeschooled or too stupid for school? With voters like you I feel bad for America...😢 No wonder Trump said, he loves the uneducated...

[@swissyode]

This is not Trump's business you small minded rube. Stop spouting nonsense. You should not comment on what you clearly know nothing about

[@arealhuman826]

@m Suarez it's funny, trump support drops to nearly 0 once you factor in college education.

[@neovenom9833]

@@arealhuman826 Apart from STEM, american college and high school education is the laughing stock of the world. While all over the world people fight for their right of free speech, you fight for the right to be censored, because feelings.

[@rachelgallagher6214]

I laughed through the whole monologue!🤣Thank you Stephen! MUCH NEEDED!!

[@susanhuntley9262]

Americans! Wake up! Your country needs you! Love, Canada

[@EuroFrench]

“Maintain democracy or go to dictatorship: that is what is at stake in these elections”. Mario Vargas Llosa

[@rakelodakel]

The US isn't a democracy.

[@balladstar]

Anton Back We are a democratic republic though.

[@adamekcar]

@@balladstar Oligarchy!

[@claydog6422]

Trump was elected. So there is that.

[@The_sinner_Jim_Whitney]

ClayDog Not by voters.

[@Azerinth]

You know these firings were solely petty because Trump fired Vindman's brother, who never even testified.

[@couragekarnga8735]

We have a demented pumpkin for president!

[@telectronix1368]

Trump reveals his own insecurities by the way he acts - he knows he is not the big success he claimed to be, he knows he is not respected. To him firing these two people with no justification at all is "a great thing" because he gets to do to someone else what he personally fears: loss of position.

[@ivoryfyall3548]

Vindman's brother didn't have nothing to do with anything, He did that to be a Asshole. Because he can & to hurt Lt Co Vindman.

[@christhompson9486]

Donny's so stupid, he probably can't tell which twin is which.

[@ivoryfyall3548]

@@christhompson9486 So he just fired both😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@karmajones5683]

Get Him Stephen!!!!!! Thank You for keeping the truth relevant!!!! 👏👏✊✊✌️✌️

[@greeneyes9448]

Suzan Collins need to learn her lesson this time

[@barneys4236]

She won't learn her lesson until she is voted out of office in November 2020. Keeping her job was the only reason why she acquitted Trump in the first place.

[@MrZzstop]

Hopefully the people of Maine who previously voted for her have learned their lesson.

[@daleanolan1464]

She didn't

[@dieselbunny69]

That spineless stuttering coward needs to be voted out of office. That’s the only lesson that amoral appeaser will ever learn

[@Annie-zd6rn]

They all need to learn their lesson in November.

[@ArlanKels]

What trump did violated federal law. And I really wish everyone including the newspapers would've pointed that out.

[@TheOzthewiz]

What difference would that make? He is the "Supreme Leader", above the law and who is going to stop him?

[@jermainekngdom3154]

If noone will prosecute him than it does not matter. The doj made his actions legal

[@ArlanKels]

@@TheOzthewiz Because the vast majority of the public doesn't even know it's a crime. They do not realize how often he is committing felonies while in the white house.

[@ragnarokgalaxy9510]

We all *should* have known about his felonies outside the WH in his history of prolific felony. He continues them there and has distorted or destroyed everything that was left of this country being great.

[@joylastname3035]

At this point, does it really matter. Nothing matters anymore. Sane Americans need to accept this as the new normal.

[@frankie1012]

Stephen is getting ruthless and I’m here for it. 🇺🇸💙

[@alisaoliver1969]

Tremendous waste and fraud.....Eric and Don Jr. Love it💜❤💙

[@esmeraldaloschuetz9120]

Remember when Trump wanted to tell everybody that he just looks orange because of the eco-friendly light bulbs?

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

@Ivy Exactly! They believe anything.

[@PitFriend1]

Apparently the photographer had a dozen eco-friendly bulbs pointing at Trump’s face when he took that picture. It’s the only logical explanation since Trump couldn’t just be so stupid and vain he puts bronzer on his face with a trowel right?

[@jamesfrank3213]

Just admit it's a spray tan and move on. It's easier than changing the lie each time...

[@Miss_Distress]

@@PitFriend1 He could easily have someone do it *well* and make it look better, but he either believes he's perfect and therefore can't do a bad job, or he's too paranoid to trust it to anyone else.

[@karenshaub8273]

Trump is so dumb. Yes those bulb are tinted to give people a warm glow like candle light does, but not to make them look like they were attacked by the entire Ringling Clown College.

[@loganschwartz9167]

"We have tremendous waste and tremendous fraud!"

[@RIXRADvidz]

15:41

[@neildavies2276]

We have the best fraud and the best wind. They're tremendous...

[@edgarassongaila8598]

@@neildavies2276 well president was impeached with 0 evidence on the falls claims of adam shift so yeah fraud is tremendous

[@PapaTaurean]

Space Force. The equivalent of someone jangling their keys to distract someone. "Don't focus on all this bad stuff. Look! Keys!"

[@douglasdaniel4504]

"A chemical peel at Jiffy Lube..." Lost it completely....

[@svb91855]

Your wife maybe...has seen him there😀

[@chezmoi42]

@@svb91855 Well, that's crude, Silvia, and uncalled for.

[@TheSafetySmith]

ouch!

[@katesatriani]

Mine was the comment about then he walked blindly into the wheat thresher? Shouldn't be funny but the delivery sold it!

[@HateNetSlime]

*I LOVE DONALD TRUMP!!! I mean that, I'm NOT Joking!!!!*

[@Jimbles_Notronbo]

6:10 I am always reminded what an epic gamer Jon Batiste is. Always playing Zelda or Sonic music, and he just shouts out "Fatal Fury! Terry Bogard"

[@Syntherios]

BUSTA WOLF

[@supa250]

Okay good...thought I was hearing things there for a sec

[@Malekariel]

scrolled the comments to see who else picked it up.

[@epiknic]

they thought hitler would learn his lesson

[@kathleenhammett849]

Aye, right up to the day he had them executed.

[@barkYdarkATFB]

..and he killed himself. So we have that going for us.

[@Annie-zd6rn]

They knew he would do something else but that's the only reasoning they had for enabling him.

[@sundayking6870]

@@barkYdarkATFB some say he fled and lived Argentina. Don't be surprised if Russia grants asylum or at least moves to Florida where his cortupt brown noser buddy has control.

[@barkYdarkATFB]

@Sunday Kings he already moved to Florida, officially, last year. He can’t live forever. Much of the world is anticipating that demise.

[@Evehawk87]

One of my favorite bits - cut to John Baptiste. Expression always on point.

[@Mooj]

He does that off camera too. I sat about 10 feet from the band tonight. I don't think they know any of the jokes going into the taping. Interesting to see their reactions.

[@Jordando323]

He's annoying af

[@TahtahmesDiary]

He is my favorite, I love his voice!

[@andystafford1653]

"Down, like a rocket ship"!! PRICELESS You ain't no rocket scientist, Trump, that's for sure!!!

[@suzanne2]

Billie was clearly reacting to seeing herself on the screen for the umpteenth time.

[@dylanmorrow1343]

Gotta love the huge cheer for "extinction-causing meteor"

[@robertnett9793]

It's really time to dust those old 'Vote Cthulhu - because why vote for the lesser evil?' buttons...

[@smilesandyoka]

Biden, if you are a true patriot - leave the campaign now. Give the other Democrats room to win!! Defeat Trump!

[@lilaclizard4504]

and campaign for the strongest contender with the DNC too & make sure they are on the same page!

[@mmodnao]

Good idea, but it will not happen unfortunately. Biden is thirsty for power, like drug addicts looking for their next fix.

[@chandaharkins4418]

I don't know why, but I laughed until I cried after that sign fell off the podium. Thank goodness for comedy relief!

[@RusstheTroubadour]

... "tremendous waste and tremendous fraud are also the nicknames for Eric and Don Jr" 😉😅😅😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@svb91855]

What!?! You weren't born with a golden spoon.... I'm picking up jealousy...💚 It's okay you still count..so vote for TRUMP 2020!

[@RusstheTroubadour]

@@svb91855 As soon as the Orange one stops using bronzer, drops about 75 lbs, stops using Twitter like a teenager, and learns how to speak and spell.

[@chrissoliz6218]

@@svb91855 Yo! Are you that same Silvia Brown: the fucking psychic? Edit: Nope. I'm just high :)

[@AngryKittens]

Imagine a president so vain he responds to pictures of him that doesn't make him look good.

[@perhammarstrom4559]

Hard not to laugh!

[@sapid77]

I have yet to see a picture that makes him look good 🤮🤮

[@perhammarstrom4559]

@@sapid77 good luck with that.

[@stevesimmonds1]

Angry Kittens that would keep him busy

[@johnbrowne3950]

You get to imagine it for four more years.

[@AngryKittens]

Trump: "NATO is going down like a rocketship." Putin: "Thank you, Mr. President."

[@marylynne9104]

In my world rocketships tend to go up.

[@Dcart5]

@Håkan Bråkan Kråkan "mutual destruction" nuclear deterrent ... The french have 200+ nukes and I at this point wouldn't be surprised if the Germans have been building over these past 4 years and just didn't tell the USA. So EU does have it's own nukes just not 7000+ ... again you only need to destroy the world once ...

[@couragekarnga8735]

Trump is Putin's best investment!

[@biggwillnyc3775]

What U.S. president has fought the destruction of NATO since the end of wwll???

[@brantlambermont1657]

"believe it or not...." = do not under any circumstances believe it.

[@mj-f7135]

Wise

[@pop5678eye]

Love the reaction-Billie in the audience. Gotta have more of that!

[@justhuman24]

America, snap yourself out of complacency and hiding behind your cowardice. Take to the streets. March against injustice. Revolutions that have made the world a better place, started with peaceful, non- cooperative movements. They toppled the mightiest of might. Take to the street. Bring long lasting tolerance to injustice to an end. This is a democracy, take it back. It is the only one you have!

[@telectronix1368]

Realistically the gop will be removed from power by votes in the November elections. I know, I know. Boring old democracy and civic duty.

[@Brett_S_420]

Not going to happen with electricity working. China, do me a favor..

[@piplupcola]

Bring a guillotine to the march

[@NeatNoodle]

@@telectronix1368 we can't count on that. We need to get so many people to vote blue that we can overcome any garbage they pull.

[@issecret1]

@@telectronix1368 they're not, when will you people understand this? It's like you're deeply asleep

[@tirsden]

Billie's reaction looked more like she noticed herself on a monitor and was like, "Seriously? Again?" instead of a reaction to the actual performance.

[@lonelyone]

Exactly. They just turned it into a bit.

[@justusbraz]

She also has facial tics.

[@justgno4242]

In prime 2020 form, Stephen is out there being his full jubilant self.. The world shines brighter when the barometer of country that is his monologue goes to firework heights, is so refreshing to see! 🕵️✨ No one escapes his wrath lol, and that Biden 'Insult Generator' bit is so hilarious, omgosh! Classic Stephen+

[@bibie9462]

I always feel a little better after Colbert's monologue on our insane president. Laughing helps the fear.

[@jamedraa8472]

That fury road clip gets me every time.

[@ose6637]

He didn’t mean to fire the twin he probably didn’t realize they were two different people. 😂😂😂

[@Maxemillian_X]

6:12 that Fatal Fury Terry Bogard reference by John Batiste is well appreciated. POWER WAVE! IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS! 😎

[@FlameAdder]

Saying the last one like that makes it sound more like a Mega Man X4 reference.

[@o_n_a4641]

Love that you guy's had a 17 minute video. Thank you for not clipping it.

[@moegamadebraheemfredericks6557]

Damn this is the best segment i've ever seen with Colbert, well done.

[@tuberyou1149]

We’re like a bunch of frogs in a pot of gradually heating water. We’ll shrug off each new outrage as ‘the new norm’ until we realize too late that we are being boiled alive.

[@InnerSunshine]

"One poll showed NH voters would prefer an extinction-level meteor event than another Trump administration." priceless

[@sharongamble9854]

How did you arrive at that conclusion? It doesn't make sense.

[@ktj6796]

They said it in the show. Well NH, we give you May 2020. Did they have a genie in a magic lamp?

[@lisahenry20]

Another trump administration may be a meteor level extinction event.

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

I used to see this bumper sticker "Giant Meteor 2020" on a car in the neighborhood I used to live in.

[@kennethbower6040]

@@lisahenry20 are we living in the same world? 2 more years of Biden and there won’t be a country.. Look around ya sunshine wake up ..

[@AdrianColley]

"No quid pro quo, Clarice. I don't know Clarice, never met her, never had anything to do with her."

[@alexanderrussell7597]

Adrian Colley > Is it Hannibal or Trump’s line?😂😂😂

[@maggierezac5820]

@@alexanderrussell7597 I'm going with Dr. Lecter on this one! tRump would never be able to pronounce the name 'Clarice'! Hell, he can't even get 'Melanie's' name right! Soo many 'waterboys'! Bigly water. 🌊💨💨💨

[@couragekarnga8735]

Even Hannibal had a little class. At least he knew good wine. All Trump ever drinks is diet Coke.

[@newarefreed]

10 minutes before the monologue, a writer was like “FIND THE INTERN WHO LOOKS MOST LIKE BILLIE EILISH AND GET HER TO WARDROBE”

[@FutureDeep]

She was great.

[@AndyDuphresne]

FutureCloud I thought it was just cringe.

[@ACKMINDSEYE]

Anyone with a dead-eyed miserable face could have done that.

[@joshwilson4168]

For a few seconds there I thought it was Pete Davidson.

[@oldnordy2665]

Not really, but they could at least have raised awarenes regarding Tourette's Syndrom, while making fun of her condition ...

[@lindahubbard-brinston6741]

"Looks like he got a face peel at Jiffy Lube!!!" HAHAHAHAHA!!!🤣🤣🤣

[@jaguarrose7022]

When that sign fell I lost it!! If I was him I would have just resigned on the spot and walked out of the building.

[@AnonYMouse-ky4sg]

7:00 I literally spit coffee out of my mouth at this joke! That’s a new one. 😂😂😂

[@mercedesgomez8258]

Howdy y'all!! The liberal side of Texas is in the house

[@rosslynstandingwater4994]

🙋🏽‍♀️💙

[@audreejamie6751]

mercedes gomez 🙏🏼

[@cleverusername9369]

GUYS GET OVER HERE WE FOUND A UNICORN!!

[@cleverusername9369]

Liberal from North Carolina says how y'all doin?

[@rosslynstandingwater4994]

@@cleverusername9369 We're slowly dying on the inside, but we're good. We're good..🙂🙃😭

[@Volvican]

The girl doing Billie was perfect.Way to commit.

[@wp2746]

Volvican rofl

[@steve1978ger]

no she wasn't

[@sifuculreif6448]

Yeah, that joke was all 4 reasons I disliked the video for once. That had no need to be a running gag.

[@hopesy12u4]

@@sifuculreif6448 That trivial thing was all 4 reasons for disliking the video? Talk about blowing shit out of proportion.

[@DamarisJohnsonnakomiah]

@@sifuculreif6448 Oh Billie will be okay.

[@Yul-Uhlu]

You sir deserve an Emmy award for this monologue. You are on fire Colbert.

[@cosmosrunner2468]

Best monologue in a long while.

[@huhhwuhh]

the guy who’s founding “space force”‘s first thought when he thinks of something going down... is a rocket...

[@svb91855]

Only thing that went down 🚀 was HIS ACQUITTAL....👍

[@todd-617]

@@svb91855 Don't forget the 51 republican senators who went down on tRump to give him that acquittal.

[@calvingreen7197]

Silvia Brown Still impeached...😏

[@calvingreen7197]

m Suarez My victory? Pfft, you’re really overthinking the whole thing. Just stating facts...people are so adversarial for absolutely no reason. 🤣 I’m actually conservative, but I knew it would trigger SOMEBODY...thanks for the laugh keyboard warrior! 😬

[@TadashiYasahiro]

Let’s make sure it’s pointed in the right direction.... 😂😂😂😂

[@couragekarnga8735]

The Bible: "Love your enemies." Trump: "What is love?"

[@LeftIsBest001]

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..." 🎶♩🎶

[@nicktrice4921]

Also Trump: "what is truth?"

[@Synathidy]

@@LeftIsBest001 I am 1000% incapable of reading or hearing the phrase "what is love" without INSTANTLY playing that song in my head. It's like an unstoppable neuronal response.

[@ivoryfyall3548]

@@LeftIsBest001 I love that song😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@cloudwatcher608]

Left Is Best *”unless you’re spanking me with a magazine.”

[@keiththedragon1720]

I’m a teen, and my mom and I watch you all the time! You’re our favorite comedian!

[@Itosalix]

Listening him singing Green Acres in bell bottoms: This is our president. Face palming is insufficient.

[@patrickmcpherson97]

It should be Brown Acres, since he's so full of shit.

[@oengusfearghas9608]

The bucket that Trump was carrying his tune in apparently had a giant hole in it.

[@shirleyjenkins11]

Is there anything else Trump can brag about himself ...???

[@couragekarnga8735]

Can we just send him into space without a suit?

[@Chunkboi]

Patrick McPherson we’ve known that Trump is full of himself.

[@hitreset0291]

Trump "Revenge is a dish best served stupid". Thank-you Stephen...you are such a "word angel". 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

👏👏👏

[@ricoroman1824]

This was Colbert at his best. I was entertained.

[@starcrazedhotmail]

One of the best Monologues by Stephen! A true comedic artist.

[@ShawndaPrawn]

“All states are doing well. Thank you mr. President.” Has Puerto Rico even recovered yet?

[@alexanderrussell7597]

Shawn the Prawn > No. he’s still not satisfied with the answer to his question why Puerto Rico is being hit with a hurricane every year. Also why California always have forest fire. ..

[@alexanderrussell7597]

Unfortunately, the standing structures left by hurricanes were being flattened by the series of earthquakes! Such as life for the poor puerto ricans!

[@eddiebrown1347]

It'a a shithole country and he cleans it up by throwing them paper towles and refusing them money!

[@alexanderrussell7597]

Eddie Brown > Don’t have a black heart Eddie. Puerto Rico is a US protectorate Territory and it’s people are US citizens too!

[@maggierezac5820]

@@alexanderrussell7597 You are correct! They are also U.S. Taxpayers! They do have the 'token' Rep. in Congress, but without the ability to vote? Or perhaps more importantly? This is not tRump's first rodeo with the citizens in Puerto Rico. It's a family tradition going back to the 1980's when he & Daddy were openly discriminating against their tenants in NYC. Many people do not know that in addition to African Americans, they also were blatantly against people from Puerto Rico. That bit has always confused me. Why the vitriol toward an Island? Surrounded by water. Bigly water. I'm sorry, what were we talking about again??? Cheerio!

[@RyanSpringer1984]

Just mailed my FL Republican Primary Absentee Ballot voting for Bill Weld. Felt good to vote against Trump in my own party.

[@charon59]

Jean-Baptiste in the background when the Meteor comes: "Fatal Fury!" "Terry Bogard!"

[@lucannorthemightyandcompan6953]

Romantic Undead awesome SNK reference

[@RellekEarth]

OK!

[@alexanderrussell7597]

😂😂🤣🤣

[@Each1Teach1BuildMany]

I'm glad someone else caught that!

[@Zenocide]

6:08 is when it's said for those looking for it.

[@MadmanLink]

The joke about Harvey's parties was a killer! You gotta give me time to breath after something like that.

[@heyheytaytay]

What makes them think a trump reelection isn't a metaphor for an extinction-causing meteor?!?

[@RIXRADvidz]

that Bible Book thing says the ''Beast'' that was granted both powers of state and church would be thrown down into an eternal lake of fire. Infamy has a way of burning for ever, look at your most recent vanquished despots.

[@Moonwalker4ever87]

🧐🤯

[@charlesmartin8454]

Ha ha ha....."Once those senators got rid of all the town's silver bullets; that werewolf is really going to listen to them".😄😄😄HOW PROPHETIC.👍👍👍

[@Chunkboi]

Trump is more like a were-bedbug. At least wolves mate for life and raise their cubs.

[@annesimon537]

The morning after Trump gets re-elected, watch out. He will have nothing to lose!

[@JamieRobles1]

The Meteor would be quicker and merciful. . . . . :D

[@RIXRADvidz]

I used to say, ''Bring on the Apocalypse'' and well, look what happened, so now I say, ''BRING DOWN THE ASTEROID!!"" you're right it will be much quicker.

[@plainjuana8394]

I lost it when he said "bobbing for french fries" 🤣🤣😭

[@trnharris]

Same!!😆

[@KalanTheDrummer]

One of the best Stephen's monologues 😂

[@robbiebunge859]

Stephen is brilliant, he doesn't miss a thing 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@przytulanka1979]

He didn't forget to make fun of animal abuse.

[@johnnyjoestar356]

Except the errors in the Iowa caucus

[@robertfrapples2472]

The decision to shitcan that boring jackass had already been made, but then his sudden animosity towards Trump after the election saved his ass from the unemployment line!

[@Seamus322]

17:10 "Tremendous waste and tremendous fraud are his nicknames for Don jr. and Eric." You win the internet tonight, Steven!

[@lordlucius1341]

Meteor 2020: just end it already

[@ti8552]

I think coranoviros heard your prayers.

[@falconeaterf15]

Is there a C-pac for this meteor yet? Where can I send my tax deductible contribution?

[@onlymagnumsfit]

Donald JR 2024!

[@alexpack6638]

The Great Cthulhu, why choose the lesser evil when you can choose the greatest evil.

[@Wednesdaywoe1975]

Hey now. There are several nations doing quite well. I prefer to pray for a virus that only kills those who have not experienced compassion or empathy in the last 30 days. Fair and just.

[@sandraolajide7610]

whoever does Trumps "bronzer" has the last laugh...!

[@cmoore6131]

He insists on doing his own makeup. Imported "Bronx colors"... 😂 Melania's MUA has denied having anything to do with his blending. For obvious reasons.

[@BongoTheClown]

It's only because they can sell it to him in bulk. He has barrels of the stuff delivered to the white house back entrance on a weekly basis.

[@zeusmasterson4117]

sandra olajide That person is a hero, the most effective member of The Resistance. 😃

[@sandraolajide7610]

Zeus Masterson ... I think you just gave me the last laugh... thanks!!

[@jennamakesbugs]

This is the way everyone wore their foundation in the 80s. Blending wasn't invented until '91.

[@pythonxz]

As Maynard said, "we need a meteor."

[@Thaistickthai]

Mom's gonna fix it all soon(learn to swim)

[@LukeVisinoni]

@@Thaistickthai shes coming round to put it back the way it oughtta be

[@chancebrady2]

Learn to swim

[@lilaclizard4504]

The problem with that of course is that trump will get rushed off to an underground bunker to make sure he's safe while everyone else dies!

[@lounote1]

So brilliant. “I always dreamed of firing twins”

[@crazi1kaf0x]

Why not give Sanders a chance, nothing we have in the WH could ever be worse for the masses than Don J Trump! Sanders has intellect, decorum, and facts; that is a leg up on Trump!

[@hectorheck1353]

Actually things are going well. It'd be suicide to elect Bernie. People will not risk it. People take risk when things aren't going well. When they are, they'll stick with what they have.

[@slamg4618]

Umm, we honestly have no choice but to vote for whoever the democratic nominee is, whether it be Bloomberg, Warren or Sanders. Honestly we cant take any risks in letting Trump win another four years. All of the current democratic candidates are smart and compassionate, and literally anyone or anything would make a better president then Trump.

[@slinkeepy]

A vote for Trump is a vote for the rich... that's the thing I can't get over thing: his supporter base demographic.

[@76rjackson]

@@hectorheck1353 au contraire, dear neighbor. Suicide would be to continue the insane clown shit storm tornado that is the trump presidency. "But the economy?!?!?". It's gonna crash. And when it does, because we are running the same plays as when GW crashed the economy, except Trump can't use any of the tools that were available to Obama to haul us out because he's already using them to promote the economic sugar high that has his supporters so enthusiastically duped. Only Bernie's people centered policies can save us, because they are proven to do so. FDR ended the great depression using economic policies that put economic power back into the hands of the working class. Trump supporters just don't recognize that the far greater danger to the people of America isn't providing education and health care for the people but rather it's the socialism for the rich via corporations and the military that's bleeding us to death. The same factors that caused the Soviet Union to disintegrate are in play in the US right now and we need a leader who sees the danger and understands the solution. That's Bernie Sanders, consistent for 40 years and shaping the debate like no other politician possibly could.

[@nightlightabcd]

because those that are yet undecided, AMAZINGLY, will not vote for Bernie! After all that is out there and they are still UNDECIDED! What does that tell you? The problem, as intended, is that those that are still undecided, give right wing propaganda the same as fact and truth! In all probability, criminal Trump will be re=elelected and things will go from bad to worse and there is a real possibility that criminal Trump will refuses to leave office and he will have the support of the Republcsan party and supported by the right wing propaganda media, and of course, PUTIN!

[@14gears55]

That settles it, I’m voting for the extinction causing meteor

[@mischiefpwns]

Giant Meteor 2020

[@bcpr9812]

I just Googled to confirm that that was Janelle Monae, sparkling fabulously in the audience during Joaquim's speech. It's hard to miss her.

[@SanbaiSan]

That was an amazing dress, not gonna lie...!

[@emmalancaster2896]

She’s so beautiful and talented. Love her gown!

[@hassan.suriya]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wish more episodes could be this long.... Thoroughly enjoyed the 17 + minutes

[@marc21256]

"somebody said" means "I just made up"