Why You Can’t Connect With Anyone

[@denisethegood]

I can rarely relax next to someone - it always feels like an act, I feel my brain working like an old 90’s PC, processing what is said, trying to choose correct answer back, how much and what to share … then my PC heats up, and I start to overshare, make jokes others might not get or like, and when the interaction ends, I will go over it over and over again for days, weeks, even years 😢

[@kanime266]

Same for me too🥹🤧🥲

[@seandenny6430]

The key for this, I've been there too, is to put yourself in these situations more often. Say yes to things and your PC will start getting upgrades :) Good luck friend

[@adampartridge1903]

You're describing autistic masking really accurately 😂 I do this too and it took a long time before I realised not everyone when socialising is having to think as much as that

[@jinaaaaa8080]

@@seandenny6430nah it just creates the illusion that it becomes a super cool upbeat pc but instead it is burning hot and gonna implode, for it cannot function like that all the time

[@roicid1750]

i actually was like this 2 years ago after coronavirus, but i think the main solution is to hang out more and get comfortable with being with people

[@yohaizilber]

Make people feel heard.... The key point is this: People dont always remember what you say, they remember how you MADE THEM FEEL.

[@Candyy248]

I am always a good listener v:

[@Fittnesj]

One of the best commentary i had read. Gonna write this down

[@glutamate5886]

@@bluefungi I agree.

[@AadhilRizwan]

@@bluefungi That's because you truly don't listen to them.

[@kellypawspa]

Lol Exactly. After meeting most people the first time, I will walk away unable to tell you what they were wearing, what color eyes or hair was... Not too much specifically, but I do remember their energy. Weather it felt pleasant, or made me feel guarded. That's not always the most helpful description sometimes...

[@elinope4745]

I can turn on superficial social mode but honestly it feels like babysitting. There are certain human rituals you can use to connect. Eat together, sing together, walk together, dance together, laugh together and cry together. These are universal.

[@TheGreektrojan]

There is also something to be said for developing the ability to let go and let yourself get lost in those simple human experiences. A lot of us who consume this content have lost the ability to lean in and not let the mind keep a tight reign.

[@glutamate5886]

babysitting :skull:

[@elinope4745]

@@glutamate5886 It feels to me that a large amount of "adults" never grew up. I'm surely not the only one who has noticed this.

[@sircruse1422]

@@glutamate5886 :skull: 💀

[@Kirbeast]

Hard relate to this!

[@Gagetydavis]

For me, being vulnerable and unapologetically yourself has helped my relationships drastically over the last year.

[@nikkimikk3353]

Actually it worsened mine, realized that when i gave a hand to people emotionally they were always ready to take it but if its me they are not ready to give me a hand

[@eanderson9599]

Whenever Cole says “let me know if this sounds familiar”, you know you’re about to get roasted

[@ColeHastings]

😂😂

[@aguasadonas8346]

Lol

[@Jazzmaster1992]

Honestly, I think part of it is realizing that everyone around you is a complex individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and unique and nuanced life experiences. Their ability to open up and articulate in a way that works well with you notwithstanding, everyone around you has lived life up until this very moment. You're not going to connect with everyone no matter what you do, and that's fine. But for me it helps to remember everyone has something going on and isn't necessarily "boring" for not wanting to talk and open up. Nobody owes me anything, and life isn't all about me.

[@JAKE-ng8yr]

>Honestly, I think part of it is realizing that everyone around you is a complex individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and unique and nuanced life experiences. fucking this. This one reduced me feeling lonely so much. Before that I felt lonely 24/7. Why? Because I thought of everyone else as npcs and thought to myself that I am the only one experiencing what I am experiencing. But later I figured out that everyone just like me has 24h in a day. They coudn't possibly be around everyone all the time, other people also scroll social media, sit by themselfs, sleep, idle and do some shit alone, just like me. When you understand this you can feel more connected. Everyone around you has a voice inside their head 24/7 just like you

[@artlover-us]

well said, human relationships are complex as each of us is a complex world by itself! in my mind, everyone is a god like’ figure’ trying hard to navigate himself/herself around an amazingly world

[@cami_triz83]

The last lines... Perfect. Nobody is boring or uninteresting, nor do they lack a personality. Some simply do not want to open up, and thats okay :) I love humans when they're not judgemental. Thank you

[@EmieC-v8s]

@@cami_triz83this is so real. I literally felt like tearing up reading that last line because I’m wholeheartedly happy that there’s people out here who get it and think this way. I’m currently a sophomore in high school, and I’ve never had a stable genuine friendship since middle school-I can’t spend all my life people pleasing and changing who I am because of the fear of being seen as “weird”.

[@GoroWren]

Ill add to this: If ya really think about it... Every single person is living in a different year. Each and every single one of their beliefs, actions, and thoughts are in a different year. Some people have 1850's level of treating other people, rar few have 1423 level, many have 1940-2024 level, and so on. And thats just for how they treat people. Dont know if i explained it well or bad but its so interesting to think we are all in 2024 but everyone is in different years for all their stuff

[@f1ibraaa]

I dont think im the weird one, ppl are the weird one’s. They judge very easily but yet society demands authenticity, this is what you would usually call a double standard

[@ColeHastings]

You’ve got a good point

[@mistressvivian1116]

You sound like a friend for me!!!!

[@BlackOmEga_2099]

This. It’s projection of how they feel

[@sophiaisabelle027]

We admire the fact that Cole continues on doing what he’s deeply passionate about. This is inspiring to see. As someone who does have a bit of social anxiety, I can relate to what’s going on in here. We thank him for all his hard work, consistency and effort.

[@Gh0stGaminginc]

He's younger than me but very wise beyond his years. I always return to his content because he talks about issues that affect me the most. Perhaps we have had similar experiences.

[@RonnieKeong]

Lol your profile picture and name seemed very familiar and I just realised you also watch “Sneaky Sushii”

[@hharsh1991]

@@RonnieKeong what is sneaky sushi?

[@marcust478]

The biggest turn off, when YOU THINK and YOU FEEL a real connection but the other person is like...MEH.

[@Vijay-zt6ws]

It hurts like hell

[@Bob-ej1er]

human relationships are a two way street. It is not a reflection on the individual, some folks just aren't compatible.

[@kolterveras00]

You’ll never connect with anyone if you don’t connect with yourself first bros. Take some time (this can take a while, but you CAN do it and it WILL be worth it) to dive deep into YOURSELF and understand your own life and internal struggles, then build a plan to overcome those struggles. Through that growth, you will start connecting with people naturally.

[@kolterveras00]

@@lonewanderer_n7 I was like you bro. Yes it can take years but it can go faster, it’s up to you though. If all you do is play video games but you regret playing video games, you should quit. I had to. Nothing will ever be as enjoyable as video games so the more you continue to play them, the less fun things like reading and hiking will be for you. That’s why you rarely ever do them even if you enjoy them - you don’t enjoy them as much as games.. and you shouldn’t. Games are made to be excessively fun. In my opinion, getting to know and understand yourself is more a process of REMOVING negative things than it is ADDING positive things. If you remove the negatives, you’ll be left with boredom, and then your goal is adding positive hobbies. If you’ve already given up the negative habits (that are excessively fun) it’ll be easier to add in better habits and you’ll find them fun because your baseline is lower. Yes it will take time but again you can do it and it’ll be well worth it

[@kingzingo1784]

@@lonewanderer_n7 Maybe you already know this but it's hard to find hobbies if you don't do things first

[@kingzingo1784]

@@kolterveras00 That makes a lot of sense and it helps me a lot, thank you

[@jowyschwarz313]

This is the key!!! I realized this after a long long years live...you will never connect with anyone bevause how do you connect with someone if you dont have yourself?

[@Adeyum64]

@@kolterveras00 Edit: I just realized, that I described No. 1 from the video lol The problem about that too is, what do you do *after* you have done all that? Sometimes, you really gotta draw the line and just be like: accept what I fugging am already. Gaming, reading, billards, karaoke, going out, electrical engineering and so many other things I like which I haven't listed. And people still don't accept who I am and still expect to like everything they like too or want me to like. But that's not how life works? It's even worse when you ask them what they do and they have the most NPC approach ever: Work and sleep. And watching tv, maybe a relationship. Yeah. Great, and at the same time they expect me to be that but double or triple the amount. And even if, no it's still not enough because I didn't watch the exact same tv show as they do. So I am "boring". It's ridiculous, and exhausting... I really don't know how humanity got to that point. And my assumption is, that we have way too much media now. Like it is almost impossible to have similar favors now. But people still expect that and think, that their world is gonna be brighter if they find an exact carbon copy of themselves... that's Absolutely sad.

[@somber087]

I just gave up and accepted Im not a people pleaser, and that I was born to be alone and independent. I just hate the feeling of interacting with people especially if its small talk. I will only talk to someone if it necessary and I'm the type of person to not open up easily (Im traumatized by reality). Its not a bad thing nor a good thing. Just something thats a part of who I am. and Im proud of it

[@Pistol_pixie]

Wow . This is me as well. “Traumatized by reality”

[@Jayne_2141]

THIS and as a twin my brother is the outgoing one and I'm more introverted it is what it is atp I am who I am and I'm learning to love myself for it 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@emilyclarke1086]

Socialising is exhausing for me. I feel like no one really knows me because I always have to change my personality depending on the person. I can never relax and be open to people because I'm so scared of being judged. I have friends, but I don't have any best or close friends, which really hurts. I feel so alone.

[@GoroWren]

Seek hobbies, activities, and events of stuff you actually enjoy. Youll connect with people who like the same stuff

[@coltenkelso5764]

It’s really hard to think someone isn’t out to get you. It almost feels like people are literally putting a target on your back.

[@Bob-ej1er]

Maybe it is worth evaluating why you feel this way (e.g., past negative experiences). Some people can be cruel, but there are kind individuals as well. It just takes time to find.

[@thebigballofdeath6066]

This line of thinking stems from past experiences like bullying. I say this because I think this way too.

[@CaldoHits]

Damn, hit the nail right on the end. I'm emotionally unavailable and I've realised that I've lost interest in being around people. I don't dislike people or find them shallow. I just don't have the need for being social. Which I know for sure makes me hard to connect with.

[@cole6383]

Number 2 totally resonated with me. I'm 27 and I grew up in a home with my parents constantly constantly arguing around my sister and I for years. It's actually negatively affected the way I see marriage and having my own family.

[@riccardodm6410]

Damn... I feel you

[@psychadelictoast6574]

Literal same man.

[@AHavoc907]

I feel you. It also hit me really hard as well. Parents who like to argue a lot over everything straight up suck.

[@dboyskate]

Feel you bros. Much love man ❤

[@emmaleadbetter869]

Everything seems superficial my meaning of connect and theirs is always different . It's like selfish and superficial 😢

[@Lilac914]

I am a 30 year old woman, and the best and the strongest connection I had with another human (another 30 year old woman) was over a shared life story and childhood. We were both immigrants from Eastern European countries, we both had similar family struggles (which were the reason for us immigrating to the US). I honestly think that the one thing that connects us most to other people is shared hardships

[@Randall88503]

I think it’s that we often communicate in a professional/superficial way. Rather than truly being present, out of our own head and able to communicate with enough self awareness to navigate what we actually want out of these interactions.

[@Onepieceistheworstanime]

I relate to that skit at the start. I just can't have deep conversations with anyone due to how uninterested they are but oh well.

[@ColeHastings]

Hard to get to that point with most people

[@hanlin7024]

I feel that so hard, that first skit was extremely accurate

[@artlover-us]

sometimes it is just by chance!

[@Guys_Love_Each_Other]

so... we should not try at all or?

[@AestheticMindsOfficial]

@@Guys_Love_Each_Other Try, its just painful having to deal with this for years on end before finding a singular person compatible with you.

[@cdiessner711]

Was just talking about some of these things in therapy. It's pretty surreal how you can resonate with people just at the right time, but that's just a testament to how well you understand yourself.

[@ColeHastings]

I appreciate that 🙏🏼

[@gotinogaden]

Sometimes it has to do with your family background. Being raised by a narcissistic person, you are more or less taught look for and focus on other people's flaws, ignore your own, elevate your own opinions above others, and make snap judgements about the people around you. The kind of judgements that seal the entrance to anyone else's own little world. You really have to work on this in order to create a genuine connection with anyone, at least until you realize that you aren't perfect, and neither is anyone else.

[@majinchu6938]

Your videos always put me in a positive mindset after a day of overthinking bad things. Thanks homie

[@ColeHastings]

That is so dope to hear

[@majinchu6938]

@@ColeHastings 👍👍

[@highsol222]

I always have an extremely difficult time connecting with "normal" people because even if we do hit it off due to having common interests, those people still facilitate bad habits for me. It's not the people's fault though, except when the issue is them constantly complaining. I'm either too attached or completely disconnected. I just feel like I want something different most of the time, not "normal people stuff." Maybe I'll vibe better with aliens. Joking, but it's how I feel. I disconnect to run from "normal" and mediocrity.

[@lethinhphong]

Yeah I 100% feel you. For me, common values over common interests anyday. Often times the people I connect with have the same mindset and certain values in life.

[@user-fi5nz4uo1x]

its not normall to always be complaining those that do are very unhappy with themselves

[@millerrepin4452]

I've struggled with this myself but I found the answer the key word is Empathy. If someone is complaining it's because it bothers them you may not be able to relate to that exact problem but if can relate to some emotion they are feeling maybe they are frustrated for example think back to what that's like and try to see how that emotion fits your friends situation. Now that you have built grounding to understand your friend you can take a surface level complaint and create further depth to your exchange all while vindicating your friends feelings. Honestly I still struggle with this myself but practice creates improvements.

[@Adeyum64]

@@millerrepin4452Doesn't always work either. The second you show empathy, you are nothing more than a friend who you can always go to, to complain. And when life gets better, they disappear and couldn't give less f's about you. I've been doing it for years, but do you really think someone did that for me all these years? Only recently I've gotten empathy... after YEARS of being the amateur psychologist. Wish it was that easy, but most of the time you're nothing more than a doormat, who is probably only missed when you are dead, since people take it for granted...

[@Oktover24]

That’s how I feel, about 8 years ago I remember having a group of friends who I’d lift with and kick it with, over the years I’ve met different people around my town, but it seems like they all do the same thing. Sleeping with each other’s girlfriends, disrespecting on the low, smoking, drinking, having get togethers just to drink, live for the weekend, and always on their phones. Am I the problem? Are they? There’s two ways to see it, I’m mostly on my own. Just gym, work, school, repeat. I’m working in moving else where because I feel ostracized in my hometown, haven’t had a girlfriend in 3 years, but have hooked up with girls in those 3 years, but i still feel empty. No friends, no girlfriend, but i still have my family and siblings and dogs. I’m content, but wish I had that stereotypical outgoing life at times. I’m 25, I want to change.

[@vecherinka4605]

Wow, Cole, you may have almost made me cry. This is literally what i struggle with the most with. I really find it hard to get over surface level connection, but your trick with focusing on the positive in people is really something that has potential to solve many problems regarding socialising. Thank you very much!

[@hihikatamari]

If you bombard a bro or a normal person with "life" questions, they will think you are weird. However there are others like you in this world, believe me, I am one of them as I listened to too many spiritual podcasts. I hope you all find your tribe or relatable friend group :)

[@Adeyum64]

More like, you're automatically associated with "negative" I mean, what's so bad about it? Am I literally getting punished for not being the sheep at the moment but rather the dog who leads them? Because that's kinda sad. Especially if you're the youngest one and always get called the one who knows nothing about life, no matter how old you are. And you're always supposed to be the sheep and never break out of it, even if you're 30.

[@hopeah8448]

I've watched countless self-improvement videos. Never in my life have I thought that I was emotionally unavailable. I'm overwhelmed with emotions most of the time, so I thought I wasn't. But the family environment u described hit back home. And that's probably the reason I'm even watching this video now.

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

It seems common for friends to blame the other rather than assess their own actions or lack thereof.

[@RonnieKeong]

I noticed that many of your videos go hand in hand. The “3 brutal life truths” video and “The Reason You Don’t Feel Good Enough” emphasised on how society’s upbringing can alter our perceptions and views that aren’t really “us”. You managed to maintain and keep your own values and I’m learning from you a lot Cole. Thank you

[@trappart9209]

It is necessary to connect with yourself to be able to connect with others

[@NickShawnFX]

Wow, man. Thank you for this video. So on point, so relateable - I really feel like we genuinely connected.

[@fuzzypanda1684]

I think the best skill anyone can learn in life is being ok with loss. Because it's going to happen. A lot. I'm a pretty outgoing guy so meeting people isn't hard for me. But so many times I've connected with someone, started hanging out with them outside of whatever venue we usually see each other at, and become pretty good friends. Then, just like that, it's over. Whether it's something I said, something I did, something they just heard I said or did from other people, or just...I don't even know. They just disappear and that's that. Whether it's your parents, friends, a girlfriend, a job, a house, a car, prized possessions, or just the general state of life, dealing with loss is the best skill you can learn, because odds are, everything and everyone in your life won't be there eventually. The only factor is time.

[@indigoechos6796]

All I do is lose people it makes me want to throw in the towel

[@fuzzypanda1684]

@@indigoechos6796 I'm right there with you man. Although if all you lose is people, you're doing better than me.

[@millerrepin4452]

I never lose I just win with less favorable conditions.

[@katec9893]

I've experienced a huge amount of loss recently and I'm grieving heavily. I lost beloved family members and my two volunteer jobs which I loved and which gave me friendship, structure, routine. I'm feeling v depressed and lost at the moment which is making it hard to connect with new people, so I'm back to isolating again and validating my grief. Your comment on loss resonated with me. I wish society would talk more about grief and loss and that the bereaved were allowed to express our grief more openly rather than having to pretend we feel OK when we don't.

[@mrhandexists20]

When he described my house environment while explaining why im emotionally unavailable i felt that to my soul....

[@spaindenmark9970]

This guy should be a psychologist bc I've learnt more in this video than with my therapist

[@kawalangdalawahan]

Cole, Thank you for confirming my suspicions of what I’ve been doing wrong all along. My standards are too high for people. I’ve refused to be more accepting. And in the back of my head, I thought to myself, “maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the one that’s not accepting.”

[@southerndesperado3607]

I didn't think I'd get much out of this video honestly. I was surprised when I actually related to it and you pointed out exactly what I thought were the reasons I couldn't connect with people and it was helpful just having someone else tell me that that's something I actually do need to work on if I want to build better relationships with people. You earned a new subscriber man, keep it up.

[@michaell3299]

I rarely ever comment on videos, but this is THE VIDEO I needed to see. I think I resonated with every point you made here. It's going to be a hard road to fixing my connection issues, but I'm super happy to have finally figured out why I struggle to connect. A huge thank you Cole, you've earned another well-deserved subscription!

[@pecoguy]

Great video, exactly what i needed right now. Being asperger, and having a shitty family (exactly the one you discribed) really screw my (non-existant) social life. Thanks to give me some clues on how to get success in making friends in a new place. Stop protecting myself (=Be emotionally available) will be the hardest.

[@False_Death]

What I would give to meet someone who would be that deep to ask the questions Cole does in the intro. Its always "hey you catch the game" or oh man we went fishin the other day and.." Eh may as well be saying to me "nice weather we're having today." Never change cole. Your a cool as dude haha

[@carsongutierrez155]

On this arena, I am happy to find great brother Devon for deep philosophical talks and pretty serious stuff in life. He passed away last August though and I am still grieving. We were also into a lot of metaphysical discussions like meditation, astro philosophy, spirituality, and intellectual stuff.

[@johnpaul8938]

0:48 that’s me during the first 5 minutes of any conversation. That’s why I tend to talk or converse with older people.

[@DIFSTER4]

It’s a daunting freeing feeling when you realize you don’t need validation from anyone

[@sobbski2672]

Why'd you comment then?

[@inamoka12345]

@@sobbski2672 To share a good idea?

[@ntrg3248]

Agreed, for a long time I've had no self esteem and would always act like there's a million things wrong with myself and I could never dream to improve. I was bullied a lot as a kid and my mum still to this day tries to shame me for such small things that don't matter. (E.g. carrying my phone in my pocket because I'm "obsessed with it", saying yeah instead of yes, having my hands in my pocket etc.) I realised I could simply stop giving a f about what people think and only what I think of myself. I don't have to prove myself to anyone except me. I don't hit the gym to prove to alpha male Chad that I can be a real man, I do it to prove to myself that I can just get that little bit stronger.

[@therabidpancake1]

People usually avoid me supposedly because I am negative or so I am told . Life is negative . You can not get through life without experiencing some negativity . I wish that was not true but it is .

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Thanks

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you so much!

[@Uzimaki9t]

I’ve been this way since I was a little kid going from school to school always hoping the next school would be different. I can try again not to be a loser not to be made fun of, and it’s always been like that got married didn’t work out because I had no other friends and depended on her. I was too good of a husband/ caregiver

[@SnowyOwl9]

Thanks man ❤ I recently became more and more social. Soon I will be 17 and I want to change my life for the better. I started talking to my classmates and people and I'm having a great time. Don't think I don't experience fear sometimes, haha ​​it's still there but I'm pushing through it. I found out that I actually love talking to people and listening to their thoughts, slowly I understand and accept to show myself to them. Understanding the importance of expressing positive emotions and paying attention to body language helps me a lot. I had a not so good time, at 15 I tried suicide. But it's okay now, for anyone reading this my message is to never give up. Allow yourself to develop, allow yourself to create moments for yourself and others. You got this!

[@ThePsychicClarinetist]

Honestly, I was debating whether to post this, but I think getting it out of my system will help a lot, and maybe I'll find that some of you have experienced the same, so here it goes: Going in chronological order, like Cole said, I grew up in an apartment where if one person feels some way, the whole apartment has to feel it or hear about it too. My parents frequently argued (and still sometimes do) and I've seen and heard things I never should've had to, like police escorting family members out, getting called curses and names like "bitch" by my own parents when I didn't agree with their ideals, and seeing my brother belittled and berated for being himself. In middle school, I was shunned and treated like a social outcast and my newly developed social anxiety going into it didn't help. I felt utterly alone and developed what I consider to be depression as young as age 12. I turned to the internet for any sense of meaning and social connection because I felt alone and unable to share my emotions with those around me. Going into high school and college, I started healing from this but was still very naive about other people and their intentions. In college, it started out fun and exciting, I finally had freedom. Then, everything really started going downhill when COVID hit, and after every obstacle, I'd try to rise out of my depression just to be knocked down again. The hardest part was losing one of my college friends earlier this year. She was shot and killed on her way to my college house at the time, and in SUNY system fashion (or mayhaps it's just my college that operates under batshit crazy circumstances, IDK), the students still had to go to school with no accountability or empathy from the school itself. The professors were mostly reasonable though, thankfully. I kept trying to push through and then turned to weed. From 4/20/22 (yup, that was my first mistake) until now, I have developed a weed addiction because at first, it was relaxing and I enjoyed it. Now, every high is anxiety and panic attacks. Even now, because of the current struggles present in our society, I find myself financially dependent on my parents, and any time I go to them for emotional support (which they both freely offer me), my Dad always ends up yelling at me and calling me stupid or making me feel lesser than. I hate the idea of saying I have "Daddy issues" because it sounds so cliché and it seems like it has a stigma around it, but frankly, I think it's true. My mother isn't entirely innocent either, but at least she tries to be emotionally available. Growing up, my life has been nothing but this man instilling fear and doubt in me in an attempt to "Keep me safe" from the outside world because it's dangerous. He claims he's a good father, that he's there for me, and in some ways, he very much is. Him and my Mom do provide for me financially, they do say they're here to listen, they do want to hear about my interests and passions, and they want to see me succeed. But I also can't deny that I constantly have trouble setting boundaries with everyone because I'm used to having my boundaries disregarded when others think they know what's best for me. All the times I would hide away and cry or try to take time to myself only for the locked door to be unlocked and for me to get belittled and berated when trying to take time to myself made me feel that if saying "No" didn't matter to my own family, I can't say "No" to anyone and have it matter. I'm extremely broken and trying to better myself, but I don't know whether I need to be with family and take the time to grieve and grow here or if I need my own space to grow and should be in my college environment like I was doing, because both environments feel unstable and unsafe and I'm constantly overwhelmed. I just want to feel happy again, to love freely again and to do things freely. I suffer with indecision, overthinking, and deep depressive thoughts on a daily. Watching Cole's videos have been helping me grow as a person, and I'm ready to start taking the steps to heal, I'm sick of being unhealthy and unhappy. If any of you took the time to read this, what do you think? Have any of you been through similar? Lastly, Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! 🎄❄️🎉

[@Bob-ej1er]

I praise your courage to share your story. All parents are imperfect, but you did not deserve to be treated that way. The indecisiveness and overthinking definitely resonated with me. If you are interested you might want to explore some of these topics with a mental health professional (usually university tuition covers a few sessions) to help find your agency and create your own path. I still have my struggles, but it has been a helpful shift embracing my own power and seeing that I don't need to rely on others to tell me what to do, but think for myself, listen to my feelings, and treat myself with self-compassion. Be kind to yourself.

[@ThePsychicClarinetist]

@@Bob-ej1er Thank you for your kind words. Thankfully, I have been talking with a college therapist through my school's counseling center. I only realized the kind of relationship I was in when I was home for winter break, so I haven't talked in depth about it with my therapist yet, but I'm thankfully back up at college and have a counseling appointment in a few days. I'm looking forward to sharing these feelings and understanding the situation more. I'm really glad therapy has been able to help you through your own circumstances as well! And you're so right about being kind to yourself, it can be hard without the right guidance or influence. Throughout my life, I was told how to be kind to myself and others, but never truly shown how to be kind to myself. I'm glad to report that I've improved a lot already but still have a long way to go. I hope you're doing much better and feeling better now too, and may your heart be your guiding key. 😌

[@untappedpotentialmindset]

I hope you are doing good. I think that you should live your life with little bit more courage. Don’t smoke, be healthy and sleep properly.

[@ThePsychicClarinetist]

@@untappedpotentialmindset Hi, thank you. I hope you are doing well too! 😌 I am in a different mindset now and doing a lot better. I'm not perfect and still deal with depression and anxiety, but it's a lot more manageable now. I was too busy looking out and back instead of looking in within the present. My relationship with my parents is healing as my relationship with myself does too. I still gotta be better with boundaries, though I am glad to realize more of my worth. Thank you for checking in and for offering your suggestions! I will do my best.

[@notreallyafamousartist695]

I have the exact same life experience and I’m in hell

[@peterscott4597]

Thanks!

[@lizzzzzzzzzzz6095]

The problem for me is that everyone's interesting and funny and crazy but i cant catch up with it all. I feel boring and it doesnt help that i feel like i should just withdraw from people to save them from my lack of humor. I've never been anyones first choice for anything either.

[@shivandragon1651]

I'm on the other side where I feel like no one understands my humor

[@flamestar557]

@@shivandragon1651 HAHAHA I'm with both of you two where I have no humor and am not interesting because my life has always been up a textbook and youtube :(

[@shivandragon1651]

@@flamestar557 get out and live fuck everyone else yeah care about the ones you love but God it's so dumb that this is even happening like why thats the dumb shit part

[@EmieC-v8s]

so incredibly real. this hits different too when you are currently in a high school environment.

[@triskalion9627]

I feel this comment so much

[@kumaraayush]

I relate with this so much, especially the example with replying back. I ruined my chances with a girl because I thought she was texting late and ignoring me. But I failed to realize that she is from a strict household under supervision. Sometimes we need to dive deep into our intuition and should find why we are feeling what we are feeling

[@HenryY8]

Hey Cole, I know you probably won't read this comment but I just wanted to say this is is absolutely the best video about social skills and connections I saw on KZbin. Bro, at first, I absolutely saw myself in the first hypothetical situation and I've never wondered why that happens and why I feel that way. I thought I maybe was different in a bad way, cuz I compared myself with those guys that know how to talk and to make friends and friend groups. This video opened my mind in a sense of knowing what is wrong and how to change it. Such an amazing work.

[@Ninjaair64]

It's difficult for people that are deep thinkers, spritual or gone through hardships. Myself, I am going through treatment, figuring out my next steps for a job and battling addiction, it has allowed me to focus on the positive aspect of human interaction. I really want to talk to people more, but I have social anexity. So I need to work on those aspects.

[@katec9893]

I really relate to that. It's difficult to act all cheerful when you're going through or have gone through hardships and trauma. Everyone else seems to be upbeat and happy and positive and it's difficult for me to relate to that currently.

[@Exposetheluciferianagenda]

Dude you’re on a roll. The rate at which you are maturing and your content is outstanding! Congrats!

[@iBrenzy]

Ever since 2 years ago when I started to really get into my mental work I've started to notice and feel more intuitive on what I think and do. I don't do things as much on the moment as I use to. This video is gonna help me even more especially with social anxiety. W

[@scottragan829]

This is very inspiring. Sort of really difficult to put into words. Self discovery helps you find yourself. Very difficult. People want to connect in a meaningful way

[@flatheadgg2443]

My parents always were there for me but dude that part with them projecting or even blaming their emotions on kids really hit home. But my main reason for me failing at this every single time l feel connected with someone is the people's fuckin herd mentality. As you'd expect l'm a complete loner and every time l meet someone who resonates or sympathizes with me they already will have a friend/partner or belong to a group that will reject me, so in the end it's always me or them so they naturally gona pull back or try to push me away. I might give up too early or often not even consider the chance but l have been playing this game for a long time now.

[@jamesnarvaez6662]

Your videos are amazing, keep up the work enlightening others.

[@sanketvaria9734]

I do Genuienly find people boring and bland because they repeat the same words when asked a question. That is why I just lost all interest in people. I know what's their answer gonna be. Secondly, I don't care what people are doing with their life, I have no interest knowing about them.

[@blissfull_ignorance8454]

Loneliness of modern day men is staggering, because i do believe that men also have a deep longing for connection with other men. We are told to be so focused on our careers, spouses, kids etc and to see fellow men only our competitors, that we forget the fact tha men need other men, as much as women need other women for frienship. Thank you, Cole, that you are here to remind us the facts we so easily tend to ignore, but which are the most crucial things in life, in the end. Ps. As a gay man i have noticed this deep yearn among the straight men to connect with other men, and i think its somewhat easier for them to connect with me on a deeper level than it might be with other straight men, due to these false ideas of masculinity and "bro's dont cry" shit. I dont still feel less masculine myself, in fact i concider this to be my personal strenght to be able to connect with people who so desperate yearn that the would be at least one person who understands and listens.

[@Bob-ej1er]

I appreciate your post. Emotions are valuable information and when we ignore them we neglect a part of our feeling self.I feel like gay guys are victim to a lot of negative stereotypes, so it is nice to met someone who is content and a positive role model in his community/friend group. It was empowering seeing how you framed being different as a strength/super power because I feel many LGBT+ folk experience shame and underestimate their worth as an individual.

[@deborahostmo]

well done on all the illustrations and b roll to keep the video so enticing

[@jacobwoods6153]

Good video we should always assume good will and give them the benefit of the doubt at first and if they do something wrong then forgive them.

[@iiichimini8194]

One of the most amazing videos I’ve ever watched. You touched my soul with this video❤

[@biggusdikuss6134]

Bro the first skit...Why does no one ever want to have an existential crisis with me?

[@ColeHastings]

They scared

[@bluefungi]

Because they suck and are too stupid. Unlike you who questions these things. 😅 I'd love to have an existential crisis with you. Sounds lovely. 😊

[@TM-dd7lb]

This video was one of the most helpful i have ever watched I could see myself every single time in this scenarios and I got to know myself better I was never aware that i am emotional unavailable and it’s propably exactly because of my family envoirment

[@dantepepper]

The intro is so fact but there are people out there keep socializing it is a skill in of itself. 💯

[@oneworldonehome]

"Many people ask, “How can I find true partnership?” That is not a good question. Find what is true and partnership will find you. Purpose emanates from your Knowledge. You have had experiences of Knowledge already. It is this that requires cultivation. There is great assistance to help you do this. Then relationship will come to you. That is the way. Learn to eat. Do not seek food. Learn to eat. Or you will sit at the table and realize you cannot fulfill yourself. You will not be satisfied." *_Wisdom from the Greater Community Book 1 » Chapter 2: Relationships and Sexuality_*

[@peytonstamper97]

I’m 19 now and idk I just find some people weird like idk how to describe it. I’m more at peace alone but I know I’m in my comfort zone and want to get out of it but idk how… people are draining. I want to make more friends but throughout HS I was quiet and now I’m out and have no friends really. Now I’m out and don’t know how to make friends. I want tonged out I’m much more confidant now and know who I am and I’m not as quiet. I sorta found myself but idk how to meet people because I’m taking a gap year rn… and the friends I do make I never get invited to shit. Idk shits just weird. I feel like I’m different from everyone. How y’all be making it so easy. I’m sure lotta y’all can relate to what I’m saying

[@walnut12334]

Relate 100%

[@shawnjohnson9977]

I be like i can be a problem sometimes but some folks dont know shoe i got to fit in i went through the hard knock in life and i want be better individual but the hardest part is doing it first and also when people mess and treat me like i not a Human being and that effects me so much in life and be like what really the point of being with people being in society and also just living in general.

[@Kevzult]

Came across your channel the other day. Really good stuff!

[@ColeHastings]

Thank you

[@briannamorrison380]

I'm going to be brutally honest, and it might make me look bad but I think it will feel good to let it out. I find people boring.... very boring. Most people want to talk about their relationship problems, their health problems, or even what they plan on doing after work, or worst of all...their kids, which I have zero interest in. I feel like I should care, or have interest in what they're saying but I just don't. And I also feel like they could give a crap about the things I talk about as well. I've found that even with people I do have things in common with, I still don't click with them. It's because I know that if we become friends, I'm going to have to compromise on some things. They might want to go out and do something that I don't want to do, and I hate spending time doing things I don't want to do. I'm set in my ways and for the most part, don't like my routine changed. It sucks because I would like a friend, but there's just things about me I can't change or deny. I am a part of certain communities here on youtube that share my interests. But at the end of the day, I can click out of youtube and then go do what I want. So it works for me.

[@miharu9794]

Nobody has ever described my childood so well without even knowing me... I'm impressed 😂👌🏻👌🏻 and yes, in the past i have had this exact problem that you described in that second point

[@FortiteHarmonia]

Great video, thank you for this production!

[@Junior-yi1gz]

I relate to the second reason and for me it id due to my childhood emotional neglect. I am not comfortable with vulnerability, emotions, intimicy 🤦🏼‍♂️😮‍💨

[@SweetandSassyRedhead]

As an INFJ I so get that tingle..even brief conversations. It is pretty cool.

[@lukecargill5963]

I am the one that does not connect with people, perhaps others have tried to connect with me as you suggest but I haven't been receptive of them as I was unaware. I am still struggling to find myself, going day by day without any hobby, direction or goal. I know that I need at least one but I do not know where to start as I do not know at all who I am and this scares me, this has only been a recent development that I don't know me, or even if the me I am, is who I would be if I had ever put a conscious thought into my decisions. I am lost, scared and alone.

[@Bob-ej1er]

I applaud your courage to share your story. I could relate with the indecision and wanting to build social connections. There will always be some degree of uncertainty in life, embrace the ambiguity and take comfort in what you do know (probably more then you give yourself credit for). If you are interested you might want to explore some of these topics with a mental health professional, loved ones, etc. to help find your agency and create your own path. I still have my struggles, but it has been a helpful shift embracing my own power and seeing that I don't need to rely on others to tell me what to do, but think for myself, listen to my feelings, and treat myself with self-compassion. Be kind to yourself.

[@daisyhinojosa23]

Your video made me realize I’m emotionally unavailable 😢 at least once we identify the problem we could learn how to solve it!:3

[@janaebert3059]

Having a hand full of good friends and a few shallow connections is enough. When you got a 9-5 Job, fitness, hobbies, maybe a date once in a while, there isn't much time for more connections anyways.

[@b.pranav6248]

This channel worth more subs and views. Totally underrated.

[@wars4242]

just happened to me, i met somebody at my uni gym, it seemed all good and we met couple more times at the gym, but then when i asked him what else he likes to do beside gym just to find some things to talk about he told me videos games and anime, personally me i decided to cut those activities from my life couple years ago. it just such a turnoff i cant ignore it, now i see him differently than i used to.

[@charles-davidcorbin3341]

Thanks for this video its alot of usefull information. Great explication and you provide good example.

[@nubiancaynes2128]

The lack of superlatives in this video is refreshing. You're actually saying something.

[@coolman035]

I didnt know how much I needed to hear this til I heard it. Real wake up call for me I need more help

[@omarashraf3460]

Glad to see nick and kevin showing in your videos XD

[@Burgersession]

Best one so far thanks Cole!

[@Niewiem0]

You hit a spot with this wideo

[@ColeHastings]

Good or bad?

[@xCCflierx]

I only saw up to five minutes but I already know one of the reasons, if it isn't already in the video. I'm emotionally colorblind. 25 years of suppressing my emotions to survive. When people even approach a more intimate subject, I have no idea how to respond, because I don't quite understand how I feel about if or how to communicate my feelings to others. My connections could pretty much only be made with people that share the same interest because I don't understand anything deeper about myself to even try and understand something deeper from someone else.

[@Bob-ej1er]

If you are interested you might want to explore some of these topics with a mental health professional to help reconnect with that side of yourself that did not feel safe being expressed. I still have my struggles, but it has been a helpful shift embracing my own power and seeing that I don't need to rely on others to tell me what to do, but think for myself, listen to my feelings, and treat myself with self-compassion. Be kind to yourself.

[@Jstarryofficial]

I possess good social skills, but sometimes I forget to utilize them. This can be quite frustrating and can lead to both laughter and tears.

[@SimplyChic97]

I concur with certain observations made here; undoubtedly, society tends to assess individuals based on their perceived 'class' and whether they belong to the middle or upper class, or possess specific material possessions. While I can empathize with this perspective to some extent, I was struck by the opening of the video, where the lack of desire for deep connections was palpable, and I find it perplexing. It seems as though society has become increasingly self-centered, prioritizing personal attention over genuine connections. It's disheartening to witness this shift towards a more selfish culture.

[@hurley460]

Just the first minute 😂 YES other people's meaningless conversations don't interest me at all. To the point where I'm mostly quiet. I don't care about most peoples answers & I really don't see how they could care about mine. Literally don't even talk to a lot of my family bc I always chalk it up to "I don't have anything to talk about."

[@NickWhite]

i’ll be gosh darned! that’s me!

[@Mrchern-io8nu]

I always had trouble connecting with people, from childhood till this day, I always had people who are actively trying to be friends with me, to involve me in group activities and what not, I think they find me interesting, like I hold some special secrets, even though I'm pretty transparent with my ideas, maybe its how I carry myself, I don't really know, the point is that despite all that, I still couldn't ever connect with anyone. Maybe I have some trauma that I'm not aware of, even though I don't have the slightest idea what it could be, to me it just feels like a chore, a task that I would rather not spend time and energy on if I have the choice, I don't feel "anxious" per se, more like bothered, like I would have a much better time alone. I lived that way for most of my life, and it had led me to a pretty bad place, luckily I got out of it, but it would be more accurate to say that I ran away from it, it's still there, I just managed to outrun it for now, but I know it will catch up eventually, unless I change, but I don't have the slightest clue where to start, or what even is my goal. I have friends, and an environment where I'm always surrounded by them, but that's temporary, and I can't see myself connecting with any of them, I'm not even sure I know how it feels like, all of my "close" friends are people who are just more active in seeking my company than others. I guess I'm writing this as a question, what's the basis to form a connection? Is it shared interests? Time spent together? Humor? I share all of those with my close friends, but I still can't bring myself to feel anything more than just "I'd rather spend time with them than with someone else."

[@margaretcampbell2681]

You are very accurate here.Thank you

[@Gary_McGonagall]

Thanks a lot. you are a good soul.

[@Divine_Knowing_3]

You just described my life.

[@xxtianxx11]

i clicked on this video but i got a text from my friend whom i never really had that serious fruendship with (mainly sending memes and all) but we actually ended up having rerally good and deep convo (like i actually tackled problems with making friends and so did she), im still gonna watch but maybe i got what it needs it just is hard to find right people :)

[@Always_SadGirl]

I connect with you by watching your videos

[@hanlin7024]

I'm literally the guy with the green t-shirt and my friends are the other dude who left 😂😢

[@gabby1207]

excellent video! really needed to hear some of that

[@sicosismusic]

Great stuff, as ALWAYS g. Hope things are still going well there in Austin & Thanks x1000. Peace, Respect as ALWAYS from the UK bro.

[@sudhanshushukla6399]

Thanks❤ love from India🇮🇳

[@ifneverquitwasaperson]

Thank you! 😇🙏