when selfshipping goes too far...

[@ColeyDoesThings]

Hey guys! So I guess a clip was taken from around 15:13 - 15:32 out of context and has been floating around YumeTwt. A lot of folks believe i’m essentially lumping all selfshippers together and pitying them, saying they’re sad, lonely, etc and need help. Not sure if they watched the whole video, but just wanted to clarify that’s not what’s happening! It was cut off after a comment from a selfshipper was talking about their experiences with some people in their community losing sight of the line between fantasy and reality (14:35) followed by comments of others who were afraid to speak out in their circles for fear of upsetting some of their peers. I was adding onto that, saying that my heart hurts for those selfshippers who have blurred the line of fantasy and reality to the point where it’s detrimental to them. Obviously I don’t believe every self/yumeshipper has this problem; the community is large, incredibly diverse, and there’s a lot of reasons why people enjoy shipping themselves with characters. I look back on my OC x Canon days very fondly! Selfshipping is such an integral and historical part of fan culture that me knocking it would be hypocritical at best, considering all the stuff I enjoy in fandom, and at the end of the day selfshipping is simply a fun, harmless activity for many fans, which I covered in the earlier half of the video. Fans and shippers alike can have rich, fulfilling lives outside of their favorite characters, surprise surprise! This video wasn’t meant to be a full guide into selfshipping culture and I apologize if anything I said came off as ingenuine, ill-informed, or insensitive; this was moreso meant to be a brief coverage on a viral post and an opportunity to dive into the psychology of how the brain differentiates between what’s perceived and what’s imagined, and how that can become blurry. I’m genuinely sorry if anyone felt hurt by anything mentioned in the video. I would love the opportunity to dive further into selfshipping in the future and give it proper coverage from multiple sources, maybe even bringing on some of my selfshipper friends and moots for more perspectives, but let me know if it’s something you’d be interested in. Thanks for reading this, and have a wonderful rest of your day/night!

[@Ann-uh-mation]

I'm sorry you're getting taken out of context. It really is just you saying that this one instance is toxic, but not that self shipping is totally toxic in whole.

[@rahuswife]

@@ColeyDoesThings just delete the video this is already doing crazy damage to our community and starting stupid drama 😭

[@SailorRoseRed]

@@ColeyDoesThings please just delete this video

[@fireflysbazzar]

Oh I watched the video. You define some terms, read off a bunch of mean spirited comments and then make a big dramatic ass statement. This is such a nothing video, you need to learn what it actually means to respect people. And by the way the “out of context” clip going viral is part of a large thread of someone sharing their reaction to your video. So it’s not just that clip, people have the problem with the whole thing. Don’t twist the situation more than you already have, please.

[@fireflysbazzar]

and the whole “I want to get into the psychology of this” from someone who is not studied in this field sounds like a nightmare. No, fandom psychology wouldn’t count, I’m talking an actual psychology degree. It’s entitled to think you’re qualified

[@pidgeongguk8818]

I think selfshipping is fun because it allows you to explore certain dynamics that you will not be able to do irl. But that should be secondary to taking care of your actual existing relationships

[@lateapathy]

i'd like to second this as a veteran self shipper!! while those imaginary relationships help people cope, it shouldn't get to a point when you spend more time thinking about your f/o and push away your irl loved ones and friends. Those relationships in the real world should be cultivated first and foremost, and I know that will be hard for someone, but that's what the f/o's are for. They should give them the courage to speak out and talk to people more and function more like a crutch.

[@poddopetals]

YOONGI

[@pidgeongguk8818]

@@poddopetals YOONGI YOONGI

[@altalt479]

As someone who has suffered with maladaptive daydreams that have full storylines that have been going on for YEARS. YESSSS THISS. when my mental health was seriously bad I retreated into fiction to cope, never did it get that bad that it affected irl relationships ESPECIALLY romantic. The fact that people see that as normalised is extremely concerning. Never should your fantasy overrun reality like that.

[@Skidibibapbap]

Tbh exactly. I say how much I want Anton Ivanov from ZZZ to be real so we could be a couple, but I know when to put a line on real and fictional life It’s just a comfort for me

[@oliviatilleman8055]

putting pictures of stanley for stanford is DIABOLICAL LMAOOOO

[@thelocalshoop]

HELP I DIDNT NOTICE THATS SO FUNNY LMFAOOOOO

[@billiecravo27]

THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING

[@prageruwu69]

bro fell for the same trick bill fell for

[@ColeyDoesThings]

AHAA i edited that part at 3am and was like "Yeah Stan Stanford looks about right"🤦‍♀️

[@ShaSha-lex]

Well he is the alpha twin 😂

[@jadedoni6447]

I’m an unashamed self-shipper and I 1000% agree that it should never go so far as to interfere with ACTUAL relationships. I just like having a fun time with it, I feel like it’d be so stressful if it got to that extreme.

[@altalt479]

Yeah I've suffered with maladaptive daydreams that I have been adding to for YEARS but never once has it interfered with a irl relationship ESPECIALLY a romantic one? I can't imagine anyone would be comfortable with their partner legitimately coming to them and saying they wanted a poly relationship with a bitch who ain't even real??! Like WHAT?!

[@-Spring-Trap-]

@@altalt479 I already do that, my man is cool with it, we both have our own fictional hamas lmao

[@bonegnawer]

@@-Spring-Trap-I Love You Springtrap Please Pick Me Up Like A Cat So I Can Look Into Your Eyes Properly

[@-Spring-Trap-]

@@bonegnawer O.O

[@mithras9706]

Gonna be honest, if someone picks Bakugo over you, you just dodged a bullet

[@evisl.w6552]

Well that kinda depends but I am no one to speak lol

[@titandarknight2698]

idk bro,

[@mithras9706]

@evisl.w6552 as someone who has dated a girl very much into MHA that was obsessed with Bakugou... I speak from experience

[@K.KLovelyz]

Crazy how you can get jumped by Bakugou simps just for disliking him 😭 he's my least favourite character by a long shot

[@K41t0__]

jus sayin not every selfshipper is like that

[@kensikirk8740]

As someone who enjoys self-shipping and oc x canons, there has to be a healthy balance. Sure, I love picturing myself with my favorite character, but I know it won't be real and it never will be. And just like everything else when it becomes an unhealthy obsession when you put everything else on the wayside I think then it's time to take a step back and reflect.

[@talkingfez1265]

me too, with me and Death wolf

[@ANerdWithAPen]

You said it , I love this take on it

[@dusk4974]

I will always adore imagining myself and my favorite characters. That shit's permanent for me. But I refuse to get as bad as the Ogtha Man.

[@estrelacadente08]

This! Took the words out my mouth!

[@chansfeet2500]

Agreed! I love selfshipping with Majima Goro, but there is no way in hell that would take priority over a real S/O, nor real life responsibilities that I have. It's a fun hobby, but it's not real and never will be. The real world always comes first. Doing anything too much to the point of self detriment is bad.

[@kairos-049]

People casually glossing over the fact that there are real ethical ramifications to letting your personal fantasies come at the expense of real people in your life. It’s okay to immerse yourself in fantasy but there is a substantial difference between your perceived harm or offense caused to a fictional character and the harm caused to a real person

[@halisternator]

u cooked here just wanted to lyk

[@curiouschurro7148]

fandom queen having a PhD in fandom psychology and behavior feels too right not to be real so YES PLEASE GO FOR IT!!!

[@Squishy_Seal]

DOUBLE THAT❤

[@sambee2145]

TRIPLE THAT!

[@ruthielalastor2209]

QUADRUPLE THAT 💪

[@tourmelion9221]

QUINTUPLE THAT ✊

[@BigBlueTurtle-cu9sv]

SEXTUPLE THAT!

[@silverdrag0n_]

selfshippers and oc x canon people are one of the supporting pillars of the fandom backbone and for that, i salute you

[@ANerdWithAPen]

Ty bro we're trying

[@YumemiEmi]

finally someone that isn't calling us cringe every 5 minutes

[@rum_coke_17]

🫡 it’s an honor

[@raven-the-guy]

we salute you back my sibling in arms🫡

[@vickypedia1308]

​@@YumemiEmi fandom as a whole is the epitome of cringe, we can't be throwing selfshippers under the bus when we're all weirdos to begin with

[@Cynsicle]

as a yumeshipper yume twitter is overreacting and taking this video waayyy out of context. actual selective hearing at play here istg

[@ianisblue]

when is twitter not overreacting and taking things out of context tbh

[@eirlies]

they should cry harder if they're offended over this

[@imjustverable3860]

I used to rely _extremely_ heavily on fictional characters as a child to cope with an unstable childhood, and I understand just how bad it can get. There were times when i chose to go into my daydreams and spend time with these fictional people (love interests or otherwise) over my real family. And it can be really really hard to break that sort of codependency and let them go. Its like being given a flimsy shield that you're told will protect you from anything, and for a long time you cling to that shield and hide behind it when horrible things happen and it becomes your safe space. But eventually the shield just isnt something you need anymore, nor is it reasonable to keep trying to take it with you everywhere, but you still have such a hard time letting it go because "What if things are terrible after this? What if I get hurt? What if I need the shield again later?" without realizing that you can and _will_ be able to craft better shields for yourself as life goes on.

[@aeoligarlic4024]

Hey, you just described my favorite past time during middle school 😂

[@ANerdWithAPen]

This is a good point , most of the coping & stuff stems from childhood/ Teenagers needing a safety blanket and or mental protection, I did that mostly in 2016/15 with Mystery skulls & Undertale

[@dangernoodledee111]

I had a similar experience. I would be constantly maladaptive daydreaming about spending time with my favorite fiction characters as a coping mechanism for mental health issues, but that only resulted in newer and ~spicier~ mental health issues: ✨️psychotic delusions✨️ Luckily, I now use my favorite characters to cope by writing fanfiction, which has been much healthier and less terrifying alternative.

[@BlarBlar-d8s]

Well said

[@imjustverable3860]

@@dangernoodledee111 Aaaayyyy, a fellow MADDer. Cheers to the music obsession my friend

[@thatoneguy9399]

Coley pulling out her college degree for OCs is probably the best thing about this video.

[@danielnemesio3388]

Self shippers have existed since the dawn of time. Look up Pygmalion and Galatea

[@brokenconstellation]

Tell them to look up Dante too 😂

[@TomatenUndZwiebelSuppe]

Now that's a true selfshipper

[@confessionsofafangirl5518]

I thought Pygmalion was fairly new? I prefer Janitor, Chatfai, or Joyland, but I thought they were all new?

[@gokbay3057]

​@@confessionsofafangirl5518 Pygmalion and Galatea is an actual Ancient Greek Myth, there are just popular recent retellings.

[@confessionsofafangirl5518]

@@gokbay3057 oh. Well, now I feel a bit dumb lol. I was thinking of chatbots.

[@under.covercat]

as someone who’s aromantic and autistic enough that i could never be with a real person, but not so much that i couldn’t totally be in love with a fictional character……. self-shipping is so beloved

[@under.covercat]

data if you’re out there,,,,,

Why does this just describe me

[@Bleh_exxec]

@@defaultdanceonem That’s not even an aromantic thing, it applies to ALL relationships 😭 Like if you’re valuing a fictional character over spending time with your friends or family, that’s also fucked up

[@TiredCorvid07]

THIS IS SO REAL I’m not aromantic but I’m verrry emotionally closed off and ugly as shit so I don’t really see myself being in an actual relationship, selfshipping and doodling self inserts with my fav characters is so near and dear to me 💖💖

[@DeadKraken]

I find it interesting that I go the other way entirely. In the sense that I have ADHD+autism combo and I'm also on the aro\ace spectrum, but I only ship fictional characters with each others, and the maximum extent of self-shipping I do is reading fanfics x reader once in a while. I used to do it when I was a teen, I don't understand why it went away at a certain point. Now I'm experiencing real kinning tho, and it scares me a little lol

[@josiahsimmons9866]

I imagine that character AI chats can only make situations like this more prevalent and problematic. Especially as the technology progresses. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few years, there are AI chats that can do fake video calls.

[@SebastianWood192]

Probably will soon be able to get robots you can make look and act like the character you ship yourself with and have them at home. That will really be a problem, not only to make the delulu worse but for when owners of such things go out and see others with that same character and if they arnt the sharing yume it will not end well.

[@ANerdWithAPen]

Like when the Teenager sadly passed away , I think it makes too much of a grey area from IRL & fiction

[@Muffin3995]

Yes, but the same website tells you that isn't real... And more than once... I think people need to take therapy and solve their problems if they believe that relationship with that fictional character it's real. What I mean, the characters bot website isn't the problem here, are the users. I mean I use character AI but since I don't like to self-ship myself I just made up stories about other characters that already exists and I have very present that any of that it's real, it's just a silly app or website to have fun. 1

[@DorothyEditing]

I agree. Although it's not really the application that's the problem, but more the way you can use it. As another user said, character AI tells you that the conversations are not real but made up. I know character AI, it's highly addictive for many people. I've seen people online say they want to stop, but can't. I managed to stop, and I'm much better without it. I didn't really use it anymore anyway. When I discovered that they had added a phone call function, I thought that it would make people's addiction worse (in addition to not being very anonymous since users speak with their voice). Many people are upset because of the character AI filter, which blocks a lot of response. But honestly, maybe it's better this way. If people think that the site is not working well, and is no longer of interest, they will be able to leave more quickly.

[@Muffin3995]

@DorothyEditing Ah, yes, I can know it's addictive sometines (I get bored easily with stuff however) and good thing they didn't find other websites that didn't have filters... of course others did. But actually the voice call it's so silly, the character really didn't speak to you, but I get what they think of it. Sorry I actually it's hard for me to think people thinking that all of it it's real... it's kinda interesting and bad, like so sad that people had to do that for some external problems.

[@scootersnooter]

As a self-shipper who also has an irl boyfriend I would never prioritize a fictional character over him. If I ever got to the point where it sparked jealousy then that's a wake-up call to back down immediately, and this is coming from someone that has a portion of their wall dedicated to Gramble Gigglefunny, a fictional video game character. Like. If he ever said "hey this is kinda too intense for me to feel comfortable with" then I'd take it down ASAP. (But he's very cool with the character shrine, and even has one of his own, it all comes down to communication and checking on boundaries and all that imo!)

[@Wulfums]

Shaking your hand...fellow Bugsnax self shipper.

[@scootersnooter]

​@@Wulfums Oh hey I recognize you!! You actually inspired me to get into self-shipping, as silly as that might sound lol

[@ValeriyApocalypse]

Wow your partner really is jealous of a fictional character, that's so toxic lol

[@Wulfums]

@@scootersnooter DAMN !!! thats an honor

[@scootersnooter]

@@ValeriyApocalypse He's not though?? I stated in the original comment that's he's cool with it?? I'm genuinely confused on how you came to that conclusion lmao

[@angelicafernandezcastro1882]

*"Baby's first gay ships are one hell of a drug"* I need that in a T-shirt 😂

[@Hana_H]

Same. Merch when??

[@oregano-gremlin]

I think the biggest issue here is not just liking a fictional character 'too much' but valuing the feelings of a fictional character over the feelings of a real life human being. If you are in a monogamous relationship with only your real human partner, the fictional character you like cannot have its feelings hurt, but if you are upsetting your real life partner to appease a fictional character that's unhealthy. Obviously you don't need to choose your partner over your hobbies but that's not what this sounds like to me.

[@hanasan4845]

"Maybe the IRL partner should try to be more likable than the FO" - how about that's not possible, fictional characters don't tend to have the little, mundane, everyday flaws that make us human???

[@eirlies]

Even with F/O I've seen so many yumes mischaracterize and water them down or fluff then up to suit their needs lol. Even the F/O isn't enough for them.

[@angryanon3870]

People can tear my stupid little self-insert OCs from my cold, dead hands. It's like playing with dolls in your head.

[@isky6541]

The doll comparison is real and I'm surprised I haven't thought of it yet

[@LuC-k777]

⁠@@isky6541we out here playing with our little dolls

[@talliaconner-flores5763]

THIS. Holy shit, this. XD

[@user-xh6cg7zf9h]

so real wait oh my god

[@Daelyah]

It's pretty much what we're doing. Quite often, though, it feels like I'm a "director" trying to figure out how to perfect the cinematics in my head, but writing the "script"/fanfics has been difficult. And it gets frustrating, because that feeling of being an inadequate writer extends to even original projects, even though I did well in all my past creative writing classes.

[@funkle420.]

i kinda feel like maybe there needs to be more irl fandom spaces again. if more people had more time for like, fan clubs that regularly gather irl, people would be less likely to get so deeply buried in unhealthy coping mechanisms because they'd be regularly in community with other real people who share their interests, and could get all that energy out in a healthy fun way.

[@josieerin505]

If I could like this comment multiple times I would

[@willowforest1006]

"It can't get worse then Bakugo" My dude Hisoka is sitting right there. Yes, it can get worse😅

[@Hana_H]

Or Dio….

[@adachiplsrailme]

or tohru adachi from persona 4....

[@Ridley-b4e]

YES! I HATE HISOKA!!

[@SunOfTheRoanKingdom]

Unrelated, but I love to see a Cale Henituse profile pic out in the wild.

[@shai_zeta]

There's no one worse than Griffith...

[@cheddarcheesewoah]

4:35 YES. PLEASE!! I would love a cognitive psychology meets fandom series!

[@emissary8071]

Same! I'm a psych major and this is fascinating

[@strawverriiiii]

I saw a few disagreements on twitter about this video which made me feel iffy on who I was following because of how weirdly they had interpreted it. They had made it sound like this video was discrediting the yumeship community when, in reality, this was a very well-made and informative video discussing the psychology behind self-insert shipping and that it can cross a line when it seeps into unhealthy coping mechanisms (even if it started out healthy.) I've been there too so I know what it's like- it just didn't sit right with me seeing people have such weird takes with this video when it was just being informative while also being sympathetic towards those who look to fiction more than reality 😭

[@bunchavoices1610]

Thank you! I saw those tweets and had to see for myself what the fuss is all about. It felt like people jumped to conclusions so fast w/out actually watching the vid

[@teamili7957]

You can tell when they don't watch the video and assume it's attacking them

[@undercoverfangirl5491]

I just then and yeah it really weird

[@BlitzøBuckzo-z5y]

Well I ship myself with Alastor of all people, so I think I'm mad at her too 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@Bleh_exxec]

@@BlitzøBuckzo-z5y Huh??? Dawg, that’s,, do your own thing literally nobody gives a shit, this video was criticising people enabling genuine delusions

[@novachek4386]

being a selfshipper who is both aromantic and asexual is fun because selfships literally *are* my relationships. i have never had any desire to be with a real life person, fiction is my escape lmao

[@derpzones]

Same! I can only really feel romantic feelings for people who aren’t real, sadly

[@hikakakaka4]

wait... i was a bit iffy about selfshipping and the concept of it at first but i'm aroace too and this comment makes so much sense!

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

Yeah, I’m with you, Coley. Selfshipping is perfectly fine as long as you understand that it’s fiction and don’t let it interfere with your real relationships. Having a crush on a fictional character and fantasizing about being with them is harmless fun, but if someone can’t tell the difference between that fantasy and reality, it’s time for them to seek professional help. And yes, I say this as someone who’s crushing so hard on a video game character that I spent weeks falling asleep to an ASMR video made with that character’s voice lines. I love this character, but I fully understand that he isn’t real, and if I had a real partner, they would be my top priority because they would, you know, actually exist.

[@Daelyah]

My nesting partner has been a long-time friend since our high school years, and we've known each other since elementary school. He's the best person in my life, and he's also well aware that I have expansive maladaptive daydreaming issues. He gets that I am shipping a lot of OC × canon dynamics, and can get stuck in my head really bad, most days. He's been incredibly patient, and I'm doing what I can to work on improving myself for the both of us. Small steps, admittedly, and not quite as fast as I'd like, but I'm doing what I can.

[@salmaakhter7431]

And of course, it's always someone from the BNHA fandom. No wonder everyone thinks we're weird.

[@aeoligarlic4024]

Well tbf it's bc MHA is OUTRAGEOUSLY popular, more people in the fandoms more problem 💀

[@SuperHGB]

a child of ours

[@lazaruswaves]

fandom is weird to begin with. people who find fandom weird aren't going to change their opinions if selfshippers disappeared from the situation, you expired worchestershire sauce.

[@Bluewolf_I_guess]

I'm in the yumecommunity too but I'm certainly not touching the mha ever lmfao the regular community is chaotic enough

[@yumeshipper]

selfshipper here! i selfship to mainly cope with my loneliness and social anxiety, and i have to say this is a very well done video on yumeshipping as a whole, extremely respectful and understanding of the situation too, and VERY well analyzed!! also, psychological fandom videos would be really fun, even as a second channel idea!!

[@san_pm.]

I too think this video is wonderfully made! I was a bit worried clicking on it, but it gave me a lot of food for thought. And i love it when i have stuff to analyse about myself!

[@tourmelion9221]

Loneliness you say I've got tumblr, I could talk to you there if you like And if that's a bit too intense the prompts community have posts where people write stories in a group by reblogging a post with their own add ons It's a fun social activity where you don't need to directly interact with anyone

[@PinkinAnAttick]

@@tourmelion9221 oooh hi tumblr user.

[@yumeshipper]

​@@san_pm.Saw this first on twt and everyone was talking about it like the pinnacle of anti yume

[@san_pm.]

@@yumeshipper why do people think its anti-selfshipping though...? I've watched it, and I've only felt like it was just warning people of the extremes of character attachment, the kind of which makes people choose fictional characters over their real life relationships, what i think is a very fair point when talking about selfshipping. It also acknowledges that there's nothing wrong with beings attracted to or attached to a certain character.

[@ED3N0229]

About the drama, shipping yourself is mostly a way to take care of yourself in some roundabout form of self-love- while there are people who consider it as a real relationship or even a replacement of one, it's usually because they already have other factors that may affect them getting into a normal relationship (mental illness, or even just sexuality, like lesbians who may selfship with fictional men doesn't mean they actually want to get with men irl)

[@TiredSnowBerry]

Ohhhh this is so true!!! I never thought of it as an odd form of self-love before, but it really makes sense! I'm an asexual gal myself, but I used to really enjoy (and occasionally still do) reading and writing heavy smut fics, like D/s dynamics, BDSM, that kinda thing. It's a big reason why it took me so long to realize I was ace, because how can someone be ace and like smut so much??? It's the same way horror fans can enjoy watching characters be haunted and brutally killed without wanting to do/be a victim of said haunting/killing themselves. It's exploring a fantasy that you know won't ever happen/would never actually want to happen irl, and it can be reallu fun and cathartic as long as it doesn't go too far.

[@iluvgerard628]

That's me exactly. I'm aroace irl, but being romantic in my head with fictional characters just makes me feel giddy and silly. I have no desire for an irl relationship, and self shipping just makes me happy.

[@hikakakaka4]

@@TiredSnowBerryWAIT THIS IS SO REAL this is exactly what i experienced too!!

[@TiredSnowBerry]

@hikakakaka4 Hell yeah, ace solidarity 🙌

[@LizzieShiro]

I have self-shipped before. I did it with Voltron’s Shiro when I was in an abusive relationship. My abuser asked in a weirdly genuine tone if I knew the difference between fiction and reality, and tried using said character to make me do things that were out of my comfort zone in the worst way possible. Dear reader, I was in my twenties. I knew the difference between fiction and reality. I was older than the piece of shit. That self-ship literally stopped me from going completely insane in my abusive relationship. The only thing I regret is not hitting my abuser with my car.

[@mimiikkyu]

I’m 21, and in this exact situation. I’m in an abusive relationship, he moved us 2,000 miles away from my family and I can’t drive so I never leave the house if he doesn’t allow it, so I’m home for weeks at a time. Self shipping is single handedly keeping me from going insane or doing something horrible. My online friends have judged me for it, but it’s all I have most the time. Just felt like I could share this since you shared something so similar

[@shai_zeta]

​@@mimiikkyu I hope you find a safe way out of this relationship 🙏

[@morgaena3313]

@@mimiikkyucan you call someone for help?

[@LizzieShiro]

@@mimiikkyuI hope your situation gets better. Giving all my luck to you. Do not settle, get a plan.

[@mimiikkyu]

@@morgaena3313 I don’t have a phone either, or at least service on it. He was supposed to repay it forever ago but I think he’s intentionally not doing it… even then, I don’t know who I could call that could help me. Eventually we’ll have to visit our hometown again and I’m just waiting until that day so I can get my family’s help

[@Jixa15]

Honestly, I'd love to see more studies about fandoms' impacts on our brains. And of course, it would just come full circle with Coley explaining it

[@starfilledsky2810.]

[@lorelaimorace-kk1xz]

Same

[@mooniegoodie]

Same

[@siphona_will_eat_you]

Same

[@starfilledsky2810.]

"Same" within 20 minutes of posting I love the community on this channel

[@lorelaimorace-kk1xz]

@@starfilledsky2810. me too

[@Dustyspeccs]

I feel like we gotta do an analysis of when 'shifting' went viral because I feel like all of these things are walking that blurred line

[@raven-the-guy]

I had a severe mental breakdown at thirteen because my selfshipping had become delusional and when the character I shipped myself with got a canonical love interest my brain legitimately couldn’t handle the realization that it was all fictional. It took a lot of recovery to get me out of that dark pit of depression and denial. By no means am I saying that selfshipping is bad; I actually still do it on a healthy level- but it absolutely can and does go too far.

[@raccoonenjoyer01]

I'm not a self-shipper but I came here thanks to some self-shipper friends who saw this video and took it very badly... I honestly don't understand why? I don't think it's a hot take or a sin to ask whether this kind of attitude could lead to social or emotional problems in predisposed and/or fragile subjects. That is, guys, let's be clear, we all have a favorite character and I believe that all of us at least once as children have created our own self insert to be the best friends/lovers of our favorite character, but in my opinion one thing is when you do it like this, just for fun. But I'm honestly scared of people who are genuinely convinced they're in a relationship with that character. I say, it's one thing to have a favorite character and another to consider yourself in a relationship with them. Like in real life. And I've seen many on yumetwitter who think like this. Can I honestly say it seems a bit dystopian? So I really wonder how much it is actually a harmless hobby and how much it is a ploy to escape from life or relationships that this people don't want to admit. I mean, I'm not saying that all selfshippers have socialization problems (I'm sure that most of the community does it for fun and that's it) but I really worry about those who seriously believe in it or who put it before real relationships. And we all know Twitter/X isn't known for being the home of socially educated people.

[@kokushiibou]

i’m a self shipper as an adult and have been doing it since puberty. but i stay the hell away from the twitter community for it bc the hive mind of the group tends to coddle some of the unhealthy aspects of it. anyone who is so immersed in fiction and virtual spaces that they not only engage in unhealthy levels of selfship but spend hours a day on twitter with those who do the same is corrosive. so i don’t understand why twitter has such a visceral reaction to this video. coley was respectful and understanding and her take was nuanced.

[@Technilogica2019]

it was spongebob for me and im not sorry current bf is a blue eyed blond with adhd and loves his work so i think i just have a type

[@Hana_H]

😂😂😂

[@RegiArt7]

Is he absorbent, yellow, or porous?

[@Taradoxxi]

As a Tumblr veteran, I am familiar with this phenomenon. But I think it’s definitely been vastly exacerbated by both the pandemic and everything resulting from it and is now more widespread than ever before. The world feels scarier than ever to a lot of people and some are coping in really extreme unhealthy ways like this because they are that desperate for comfort and escape.

[@sillyl1ttlef3lla]

As a selfshipper in an actual irl relationship, REAL LIFE RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD ALWAYS BE THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY!! While yes, I enjoy pairing myself with fictional characters and collecting f/o’s like pokemon cards, my real, physical girlfriend will always matter more to me than any character, no matter how important to me that character is. Any selfshipper/yumeshipper who feels like their relationship with a person that literally doesn’t exist is more important than their relationship with a real human being should seek professional help, because that is just so very unhealthy. You made and brought up some great points here.

[@the_last_ballad]

Definitely go for it if you can. There isnt enough study on how people interact with fandoms, and a psychology and sociology degree would serve you well in dissecting this phenomenon!

[@ophiuchus0]

shockingly positive presentation of yumeshippers compared to other content creators , nice to see as a riako yumeshipper :)

[@starfilledsky2810.]

5:12 I'm only 5 minutes in but I feel so seen by this vid already because I know my f/o isn't real, but is an *extension of myself* and that's why I still hold him so close. I didn't have the full words before, thank you Coley! THE YUMEJOSHI GRIND LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[@demonyckscreations9990]

“Yume Twitter” is freaking out asking for an apology video just because you said you shouldn’t be parasocial to a guy that can never exist, ijbol

[@SpyroAndMrKatFan]

I uh... am 27 and have never had a relationship outside of self shipping. I've talked to therapists and they encouraged me. Self shipping and interacting with my "partner" helped me through the worst years of my life. I'm still in a fictional relationship, but it no longer has this sad, angsty, lonely and angry feel. I'm just happy this way. Self shipping helped me grow into a less anxious, less self hating person. I wasn't ready for a real relationship, I was volatile and toxic. Now I'm chill, and I think I'm ready for a real relationship. Tho I'm not in a hurry. It will come eventually. Weird thing tho, I've never had a vivid imagination. I can't write stories or roleplay. My inner world is just empty. It's blurry. It's like sitting in the darkness with some vague music reverberating from somewhere far away. I can't visualize. I didn't have dreams either. I feel like I don't fit in with other young people when it comes to being in fan spaces, because people make characters quickly, write their stories, then start roleplaying. They make elaborate family lore and fill in family trees. They make the characters feel real. I've never been able to do that.

[@SpyroAndMrKatFan]

To add to this, it's hard to get out of something like this when you don't and never have had a good relationship with any family member. Especially when there was never any warmth from the caregivers and you end up with a fucked up attachment style. It's not easy to "get help" when help is expensive, or when you don't know what's wrong and where to get help. Abusive family systems can really be like a cult. It takes a lot of time to even figure out how to get help. But ffs the polycule with a real and fictional character.... that's just cruel to do to a person. Painful to the real partner.

[@chelseaarima]

hey bro just as long as you don't think it's a real relationship its completely fine also its really nice that it helped you to grow as a person good luck on finding someone who will love and cherish you

[@brokenconstellation]

Your description of your imagination sounds like aphantasia 🤔

[@farron2551]

hey, you're not alone in this feeling at all. i know what it's like to grow up with a messed up perception of relationships because of family and how a lot of "normal" people simply don't understand how it completely shifts your attachment to people. i even relate that while ive had yumeships, i could never get super creative with them like ive seen with others (or even admit it to my friends cause i was too embarrassed). wishing the best for you, i hope things only get better from here on!

[@KristinaVeshtort-Kask]

TherapistS? As in multiple? Out of curiosity, what type of therapy were they providing? DBT, IPT, AEDP, ACT, cognitive-behavioral, gestalt? And how long did you stay with each therapist?

[@mordi9286]

I'll admit, I used to be those high and mighty types that would shun the self-shipping fics. I always thought 'hmph, just ship them with the characters in the canon!' I've grown out of that now, I think. I'm writing more self-ship fics, and it's gotten me to connect more with others in the community and I think it's been helping me create OCs.

[@assssaaasasass]

"Why people are scared of speaking here?" oh dear, you don't want to walk on that line believe me.

[@bunni2583]

I'll walk it: fandom spaces are full of young, insecure, lonely, and impressionable teens desperate for community, at the same time that their worldviews are rapidly evolving to include an understanding of systemic injustice and oppression that they feel powerless to stop. In these spaces, it's very often encouraged for people who feel insecure about their privilege or their place in the world to outsource their moral decisionmaking. While it can be valuable for, say, a white person properly learning about the impacts of anti-black racism for the first time to put their biases and preconceived notions aside and listen only to the opinions of black people, the pressure to "shut up and listen" contributes to an atmosphere of moral insecurity and intellectual laziness. Naturally, this is *extremely* fertile ground for manipulators and petty tyrants. If you can frame yourself as speaking for the whole group, fighting justly on behalf of the weak and vulnerable against bullies and bigots, it's very easy to put yourself in a position of unquestioned authority over your supposed peers. When kids are eager to win the approval of their cool new fandom friends, they're taught very quickly not to argue with these authority figures, or risk winding up on the wrong side of what seems like an extremely dire moral divide and becoming completely ostracized as a result. tl;dr The mingling of fandom and social justice in spaces filled with insecure and lonely teenagers conditioned not to think critically or come to any of their own conclusions lays the groundwork for countless mini-cults with zero tolerance for questioning the group consensus in any capacity.

[@sami-k-11]

the description being about optimus prime is so real bc the transformers brainrot still hasn't left my head

[@CarrietheMelodiousGamer]

I didn't notice the description til I read this comment

[@gl1tter_cloudz295]

Real real. This is why reading descriptions is always fun bcs theres sometimes little funnies hidden down there

[@CoraMaria]

Hey Coley, I've noticed a few people who are accusing you of being "mean-spirited" and "disrespectful" to yumeshippers and I just wanted to comment to let you know that I think that is far from the case. You were quite balanced and empathetic while also acknowledging the very small minority that takes it too far, and also the voices of other yumeshippers that do recognise the healthy and necessary divide between fiction and reality. Anyone who can't see that has just decided that any criticism of yumeshipping what-so-ever must be bad and awful to the point where they're ignoring literally everything else about the video. I'm sorry people can't see nuance, or feel attacked just because they as an individual within a huge diverse group of people maybe don't feel 100% represented by what you've said (which is an impossible standard to expect from you). You've clearly tried your best to avoid bad faith interpretations of the video and people are making them anyway just because they want to be willfully ignorant.

[@arrowerror9330]

I’m genuinely so sorry so many people have been misinterpreting this video. It’s so well done and genuinely you say nothing offensive here ❤️

[@lifeofkyles]

Ok this isn’t necessarily about self-shipping but I just want to say that this is the most comforting and justifying comment section ever. As someone who is 24, works as a teacher, and struggles with OCD and anxiety, my life has felt all over the place lately. I don’t feel like an adult, I have imposter syndrome in my job, and I just feel confused every day. I’ve always used fictional characters and media to escape reality and help myself. This year, I’ve gotten back into anime (specifically MHA which is always the worst to try and justify lmao), and it’s been the thing keeping my head above water. I’ve always felt like that was wrong and childish, and that people would think I was weird. Especially now, I’m worried that people will wonder how I can hold an adult job when I get so childishly excited over something like anime. But reading here about how so many amazing people got through trauma and use self-shipping to cope, it makes me feel so soon. It makes me recognize that getting excited about media and thinking about my favorite characters is a perfectly beautiful way to escape for a bit. I can go into my fantasy world, think about my blorbos, and then come back down to a reality filled with heavy responsibility while having this coping mechanism there. It just helps me feel so seen. Thank you guys. ❤

[@drees3of488]

I'm an oc/selfshipper, and I found that as I get older, reality encroaches more and more into my life. It's a lot easier to have that divide between fiction and real life because I have a lower tolerance for drama. I just don't have the want or time to fight with my partner over something that is imaginary when we have bills to pay. It also helps to have some tangible hobbies that involve physical effort for those times when you might be falling into a funky headspace.

[@LeonS.Kennedy1977]

0:14 pardon? Wtf?

[@DamnBruv]

Hey wink wink

[@LeonS.kennedyswife]

Literally

[@BunnyandMoon]

I rarely selfship because I have way more fun shipping characters with each other. What I do more often though is imagine fictional characters speaking with me when I’m stressed or tired. Whenever I do that, I always think to myself, “I have to be careful so I don’t accidentally delude myself into thinking they’re really there.”

[@BunnyandMoon]

I can replicate how a character sounds in my head almost perfectly and I have a decent visual imagination to boot. Caution needs to be exercised.

[@xsweetiebloomx605]

Same here! On top of that, I want to be a writer, so I tend to study the way the characters speak and move and stuff like that. I'm also an inmersive daydreamer, which means that I'm able to visualize everything a lot clearer if I'm moving around in some way, or using objects as props. So, the line between fiction and reality tends to blur excessively sometimes. I need to be very careful; I tend to use up all my daydreaming energy at home before going out, then focus as hard as I can on my surroundings and try not to distract myself at all, so that after arriving home I may daydream some more. It's pretty exhausting. The way I'd describe it, I'd say I live with a foot in each world, but 99% of the time, I know which is which.

[@gamsougher3574]

sometimes you just gotta have an honest conversation with yourself and your experience of the world poorly disguised as a fictional character you find hot

[@gamsougher3574]

there’s also just a lot of ways to mess with the fourth wall and do insane meta stuff in the storytelling

[@deepfreezesora]

My ex was really into yume ship and wanted to be "poly" with jack frost from rise of the guardians but would get upset and jealous if I said shego was hot lmao

[@tinfoilslacks3750]

The Bleach fandom would never tear each other apart like this. After all, we all share the same husband, our good friend Tsukishima.

[@salviarifdah2730]

As a Bleach fan I totally agree.

[@empressdad]

THE VICTOR IN THE THUMBNAIL DESTROYED ME

[@weeaboobaby]

My husband... I feel so called out 😭

[@citruscirrus5607]

I feel *so* called out rn

[@DeadKraken]

Me: oh a video about things I don't do, finally! Also me: is that Viktor, the fictional man I'm hyperfixating obsessively right now and kinning so hard it scares me-

[@AshenDalia]

Coming from a selfshipper whose mental health was negatively affected from taking it way too seriously, and has also seen it actually ruin friendships because people prioritize ficitional relationships over real ones, it absolutely can go far and some of y'all are wild for thinking this is some sort of hit piece. She's not saying that selfshipping is bad or something like that, she's pointing out that people can take it way too far and it can affect people's irl health and relationships. If you can keep the line between fiction and reality clearly defined, then she's not talking about you. Some of y'all can't take the most mild bit of critical viewing to this though and it's really annoying. This community has become a circlejerk of "love and positivity" when sometimes there does need to be a critical lens look when it starts affecting people's irl lives in not so healthy ways.

[@andromeda_va39]

Oh man, now I'm remembering when I was in high school. I was a major Izuku yume. I wrote him a love letter in my private journal, and I even tried reality shifting once. In my defense, I didn't expect to actually project my consciousness across dimensions. I just thought I would dream about being with him, and since most of the time I don't realize I'm dreaming until I wake up, it would feel like I was really there. Also, I tried looking up ways to talk to fictional characters so I could tell him how much I loved him, and I am so glad chatbots were still in their infancy. I would have absolutely gotten hopelessly addicted to Character AI.

[@LuckyRyo9989]

I saw the title and knew exactly what was about to be said. I saw this go viral in real time Honest opinion: selfshipping or having your OCxcanon character is fine as long as its not ruining anything for you physically, mentally, emotionally or financially I have my favorite characters that i joke are in my harem or my husbands. My actual husband teases me but he too has his favorite characters. He is real, my fictional faves are not Its something i feel while we shouldn’t be judgmental, stories like this need some form of help, not just this blind acceptance

[@snowykaida]

that psychology section just made me have a flashback to my own psych senior capstone on fandom lmao. theres actually published studies on the related topic of fictophilia in fandom

[@eirlies]

I'd rather this video is up. You've explicitly done your best talking about SPECIFIC people in the community. Whatever implicit harm these people are squeezing out of you is careied by "normies" with bad intention in their heart. Why are people acting like someone so familiar as Colley doesnt know what yumeshipping is? I can’t scroll down Tumblr without seeing them under fandom tags. It's shipping oneself to a fictional character-for fun, creativity, coping, whatever- all of which are touched upon here. The title of the video itself is self shipping gone to wrong, so obviously there's a healthy if not therapeutic and productive side to it. - sincerely a self shipper for 10 years who actually touches grass and can manage her internet experience

[@guriniro]

And she literally stated on 01:40 that in the end, it's for fun and a way to cope. She's only talking about the people who take it it too far. The people claiming it's 'fake sympathy' are just yumes who are secretly offended and use the "not all of us are like that and you're spreading misinformation!1!!1" excuse to hide that this made them insecure and that they're thinking they're getting attacked personally by this video because they're sensitive. I really hope she doesn't give in to the comments telling her to delete this as well

[@adachiplsrailme]

i started yumeshipping this year to cope with how bad this year was for me. i was left with nobody to talk to in my daily social life, i entered an awful school and was shunned from being in school projects and i felt like i couldn't trust anyone at all because of really bad and honestly kind of traumatizing falling-outs with two friends (i'm friends with one of them again though, i'm doing better now). yumeshipping with a(n albeit horrible) fictional character i hold so close to my heart made me feel loved even though i know it isn't real. it made me feel like no matter how things get, i will always have someone or something to comfort me. yumeshipping is a great way to cope when you're at your lowest. however, i agree that there needs to be a balance. yumeshipping shouldn't stop me from forging real connections, and it doesn't. by all means, selfship or yumeship all you want. but don't let it hinder your mental health or your social life. it's not worth it. fictional characters can never replace real people and friends.

[@jaydenklaus]

Hearing you mention Snapewives dealt me psychic damage. I had forgotten that was a thing.

[@thenarrator5416]

The only reason I don’t read y/n or reader inserts is mostly because I don’t even want to perceive myself in any capacity- although I have stumbled across a few y/n stuff that was good I usually ended up putting a different character in place 😆

[@liljatupsu]

This this this this this

[@silverdrag0n_]

i always read "y/n" as its own character and not a stand-in for myself

[@BlackFiresong]

Right? I can't read Y/Ns for that reason. I just cringe imagining my actual self in those scenarios 😂

[@CoraMaria]

Me. I cannot be a character in a story, especially since I do see characters as storytelling tools and I myself do not exist to be a storytelling tool

[@ira__s]

I personally can't get over the way y/n looks. It just takes me out of the story so fast. I could read them and imagine some other chatacter instead of myself, if it didn't look like that

[@reverieDOTpsd]

as a yume myself i can definitely see that there are cases where it's out of hand and even i start to think "it shouldn't be this serious". i personally yumeship for comfort and to tackle loneliness i and sure i love my f/o but if i were to get a real partner all the love i gave my yume would go to that partner BECAUSE THE WHOLE REASON I HAD THE YUME WAS TO LOVE SOMETHING asking for a poly relationship with your s/o and f/o is actually crazy though and i hope they ended up working it out cause thats just... ouf......

[@catcatrina2005]

I feel like the whole "you'll see [Character] when you die" thing can be a good way to cope with the concept of death, religion has been doing this for eons, but I feel like the main differentiating factor on it is the fact that mentally struggling people think of it more as a safety net instead for if things hit rock bottom and THATS the scary part. I feel like the key difference is that many religions also prioritize cherishing and taking care of the life you have while you still have it. "[Character] would be proud if you ate today, [Character] would be proud if you brushed your teeth" I feel like we need to try to steer into more positive assurance and motivating messaging in fandom space while not putting these people down by calling them crazy because that often causes reactions of defensiveness and further self isolation. Not to mention I wouldn't doubt in this day and age plenty of these people don't have the money or means to access the mental help they need, lord knows I don't. (sorry for such a longwinded comment, but I wanted to put this out there and add a little onto the topic from a different perspective. We don't know every persons living situation and this could potentially be the only easy access coping mechanism they have, its like telling a homeless alcoholic to "just stop drinking and find help" and I think there should potentially be more options of helping them through this issue)

[@catcatrina2005]

but generally speaking I feel like the person still definitely needs to seek help if they can't differentiate fictional love to real love, but I feel like it mores needs to be focused on what the root of the problem maybe instead of "oh that's delulu"

[@_feral_8319]

Seeing how people reacted on yumetwt I thought you were going to be like super rude and judgmental but I agree with you wholeheartedly. I’ve been self shipping pretty much my whole life and at one point it got so bad I had out loud conversations with a fictional character and even tried to scratch his name into my leg with a razor blade. IT CAN GET BAD. Like I literally convinced myself he was a real person in another world that I had a psychic connection with. I take self shipping MUCH less seriously now and I’ve recovered from those delusions, thank god. But yeah, any yumes out there…be careful and stay safe.

[@mariofthewild]

as a selfshipper myself it astounds me how real these fictional characters feel to some people. i personally selfship for the comfort of it, because i know i’m not ready for a real relationship yet. my friends and family still 100% come before the fictional character, because, well, my friends and family are real people in my life and the fictional character is fictional.

[@nickpickety8303]

I’m a self shipper, started at 13 and I’m now 26. I really like this content and feel that you were very respectful in your approach! I used to be one of the people that formed intense mental bonds with specific characters and my ocs were my main form of “socializing.” Unfortunately, I had undiagnosed psychosis since I was little and self shipping became reality to me. It took years of therapy and medication for me to fully realize how deeply it affected me. Now I’m in a significantly healthier headspace when it comes to it and I enjoy self shipping even more now that I have better mental boundaries and coping mechanisms. It definitely hurt and was a struggle to acknowledge and accept it wasn’t real, but I’m happy to say that it was one of the best things to happen to me.

[@OtakuHerotruefanxXx]

I selfship with A LOT of characters, and some of them i don't feel comfortable sharing or I'm selective, but is not because i get jealous (not anymore, when i was 10 i used to get jealous of people shipping themselves with Toy Bonnie because "he's my husband") but now, i don't feel comfortable with the fandom, if in the fandom selfship is seeing as something bad/weird then I'm selective for security, if the fandom is too toxic i don't share, because I'm too crybaby for internet drama i just want to post my art freely without anyone attacking me

[@evermorestation]

Real as hell tbh the only reason I'm no doubles is because the fandom is toxic as hell (they have a notorious reputation for not being able to read) and wildly mischaracterises my favourite characters (even other yumes themselves) that I'm like is this even the same guy anymore 😭when the point of sharing is to come together over shared love for a character it's kinda hard to do that when nobody agrees on who that character is!!

[@OtakuHerotruefanxXx]

@evermorestation OMG yes! 🙏I'm in some Spanish yume groups and everything is so volatile 😭 some of them got deleted because people bullied other for sharing the same f/o or mischaracterization some character, someone on this now deleted group killed herself because of the bullying, also the constant fight over "who deserve to be the canon lover of f/o", sometimes eating radioactive shit is safer than fandoms 😭

[@evermorestation]

@@OtakuHerotruefanxXx bruhhhh the unaliving shit is too much but unfortunately i can actually believe it, I left my yume group a long time ago because of the toxicity and now there's a scandal going on where people are sending death threats to each other not even just for doubles but "your art style sucks" "you're a proshipper" IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS!!!! GET HELP GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

[@OtakuHerotruefanxXx]

@evermorestation So many problems would fix just touching grass sometimes 😭

[@PinkinAnAttick]

For me, I get insecure or jealous when my hubby is shipped with a canon character. OCs though? Gimme gimme gimme!

[@daryatislenko4651]

I'm a chronical self-shipper, but that didn't stop me from having a husband and two kids😂

[@cosmical-flowers]

As someone who is a selfshipper and has been for a while, I feel like viewing it as a real relationship isn’t bad but to an extent. Most people who are like that view it as a way of self love! Some people are afraid that nobody would love them romantically irl so if they have a character in their corner that would love them, then it helps. It’s like that tumblr post, if a character is what gets you to brush your teeth in the morning or take a shower, then go ahead. But when it’s harming your irl relationships more than helping them, then it seriously becomes an issue. I know mutuals of mine online who have gotten better jobs or lost weight because they’re dedicated to these characters. What im really saying is if selfshipping helps you get better and you use it to cope, then go ahead. But if it ends up harming you more than helping you, then you have to reflect and work on yourself to prevent that harm.

[@galariantrainerruna7874]

I’m a yumeshipper, a very passionate one at that. I’ve been self shipping with Leon (from Pokémon) for almost 5 years now and I am no doubles/non-sharing. I am also asexual. I am very serious about my self ship with Leon while treating it as something real while also being aware of the very clear fact he is, in fact, a fictional character. I know many other yumes like me can agree that there is a huge sense of joy and comfort in that feeling that your relationship with your f/o is real and true. And I don’t believe that makes all of us “lonely” or “delusional”. I have a really good circle of close friends who are all aware of my love for Leon. My parents are aware about it and are also involved. (They frequently get me Leon related things.) I work in a retirement home and there is a huge sense of community there and it’s impossible for me to ever feel lonely there. Despite my passionate feelings, I do have a very active life outside of self shipping. (I also play sports.) And even still, Leon remains a really big and special part of my life. Yumeshipping is hard to explain to people who aren’t familiar with the community, as there is often judgmental people who view yumes/riakos (etc) as “delusional” when most of the time that couldn’t be further from the truth. I think those who go out of their way to harass other people who ship with their f/o are the main problem, because this is supposed to be a community built up off of love, not hate. Another thing to consider is the yume community does consist of a lot of neurodivergent people (such as myself, I have ADHD and I’m on the autism spectrum) and the fact that people are very quick to judge is concerning, as a majority of what yumes do is harmless. Can self shipping become a problem? Yes. It becomes a problem when it **interferes** with your social life. I believe there is a difference between it interfering, and being a part of it. Interfering is like you said, when it disrupts real relationships. Being part of, is when it’s very special to you and personal, but doesn’t interfere with real world connections/relationships and still allows you to form other connections. Even so, I still think serious yumes should have support within their real-life relationships, since there are honestly so many layers to yume shipping I can’t really get into that here and I struggle to communicate things sometimes. This was just my own personal experience + some observations of my own! Overall, self shipping is a wonderful way of escape for many, coping and just plain fun! Appreciating my f/o brings me great joy and helps me to get through a lot of things without interfering with my life outside of it. I made him part of it, not an interference.

[@Seaweeddddd]

I’m a Heimerdinger Riako and I agree. For me I don’t need a irl romantic relationship, though this also does come from me, and I’ve never truly chased after romantic relationships, so yumeshipping with Heimerdinger sorta brings me the satisfaction of a romantic relationship, and dulls my desire for a real romantic relationship, which to begin with was very little to begin with. So I kinda consider Heimerdinger my ‘partner’ of sorts, though I understand he’s not real, and my ‘relationship’ effects NONE of my irl or even online relationships in anyway and I have many friends who yumeship with him. I think it just really depends on how far someone takes it, I’ve seen other riako’s who are sweet and clearly understand that theres a difference between fiction and reality and their relationship with a character isn’t delusional or effects their relationships. They just have very strong feelings for the character and they don’t need a partner, which I think personally is okay, I think we as a society chase after irl romance far too much, I MIGHT border the aromantic umbrella term but I’m not 100% sure yet. I have a heimerdinger double though who HAS 100% gone too far and into delusion, 21 years old and imagines being a dictator and forcing other yumeshippers into abusive work forces, has talked about how they fantasize about my killing myself, has called me stupid and shit talked me in private, despite me having NEVER interacted with them, I had a OOMF dm me this like two days ago. But I think that 100% borders where it becomes unhealthy, 21 years old saying they fantasize about a 16 year old (me) killing themselves over simply having the same F/O, having relationships be demanaged, prioritizing fictional characters over real people, as I would NEVER prioritize heimerdinger over a irl person, hell even over a stranger. As I understand real people have complex and REAL feelings. But I don’t think this means oh I see Heimerdinger as my partner I must be delusional and insane and see him more important than real people. For me it just means I am romantically satisfied with him and I will not seek irl romantic partners. That’s my take on it all atleast. This is just word vomit tbh so I probably worded this horribly. But in short: I think seeing a fictional character as your partner by itself doesn’t mean your delusional or toxic, but how it effects your perception of irl people and your relationships. I see Heimerdinger as a fictional character but yumeshipping with him fulfills all my romantic desires, which weren’t many to begin with, so I consider him my partner, but I acknowledge he’s fictional and I will forever prioritize real people even strangers over him.

[@Roguemeowmeow]

Agreed! Honestly I found myself albeit a tad more happier when discussing my f/os a lot to other friends who are yumes as well and it kind feels comforting in a way to me to do that honestly, I do however know my f/os aren't real but yes honestly your absolutely right here!

[@Seaweeddddd]

@@Roguemeowmeowthis!! I think it’s important to still acknowledge that your F/O isn’t real and to prioritize REAL people over them, for me I think I’m in a relationship with Heimerdinger simply because having him as my F/O just fulfills any romantic need for me, but I still know he’s fictional and accept that, and that real people will ALWAYS be more important to him. I don’t agree with Coley here that being a Riako is so black and white, I think you can be a Riako and be a in a relationship with a fictional character without it becoming unhealthy. Cause again, like for me, I already didn’t have much romantic desire, heimerdinger fulfills the little desire I do have though hence why I consider him my partner !!!

[@Roguemeowmeow]

@Seaweeddddd mhm! It isn't a necessarily black and white thing, as long as you are aware your f/o isn't real than I think it's fine if you consider them as having a partner as it really doesn't do harm

[@Lady_of_Winds]

Omg fellow riako who seems to think similar to me! Yes I love my f/o a ton since over a decade but I know that all I do is immersing myself in a fantasy world. When in doubt - reality comes first. But also I refuse to have anyone ridicule me and my love to my dear animated pixels.

[@hanniflowers]

The "why is the partner jealous of a fictional character lol? xD" comments are so weird to me. It's clearly on the level of a serious relationship for the OP, so why is the partner also taking it seriously strange? When it's affecting the person they're in a relationship with

[@rileymclellan8953]

18:23 “Hey, so I have very strong feelings about Bill and I want to bring him into our relationship” Literally what Fiddleford had to deal with 😭

[@lyndajaeger4477]

I'm probably older than most of your viewers, but I'm definitely a shipper/fandom. I'm not one to read or write y/n stuff just because it throws me out of the story to have to insert. Now, that doesn't mean fantasies or dreams don't happen. My hubby of 17 years "puts up" with it. He isn't jealous but he does complain sometimes about how i don't spend his free time with him, and not my "anime boys". That made me self reflect and give my hubby more one on one time and do my reading/watching on my own free time.

[@KristinaVeshtort-Kask]

Also probably older than many of her viewers, although my spouse and I have been married for just 15 years. Been a lurker in many fandoms for decades now, so self-inserts aren't news to me, but I didn't know it got so serious to the point that some self-shippers would be willing to damage real relationships with real, living, breathing human beings who are capable of actually feeling pain. Watching the video and reading the comments was quite flabbergasting. I'm glad to know that there are serious self-shippers who still value real people in their lives and are willing to change so as not to cause their real-life significant others pain! Props to you for keeping it healthy, take care of yourself and your family!

[@capedluna]

We got a mini chain going on lol. I am an older fandom goer I didn't know there was a name for this until now. I don't have many characters I like -like that ig. And the termselfshipper doesn't give off the best rep imo.I read these and other fanfics. Personally, I enjoy as long as the character is still close to being IC. I am NOT married but been in relationships. Priority to my s/o is always inportant but when I did/do date someone with commin interest or has character crushes we'd giffle and laugh about how hot they were. In the end it's good pasttime and it (y/n/selfship)could never replace a real lerson. In fact hearing ppl not know the diff is scary as a thought. That being said charcater x character is my fave anyways.

[@aritomee]

As a person who has struggled with this type of behavior at one of my lowest point of my life, I agree that yume-shipping and self-shipping can be really dangerous, because it can harm yourself physically and mentally, As it had almost consumed my whole life- to the point where I had only fixated on that, forgetting to eat or sleep. And, it can even harm your loved ones in the same way. And if you are struggling with these types of delusions, it's important to get a professional doctor involved. I really hope they get better.

[@bleepbloop2366]

I would love to see you get a phd in fandom psychology actually 4:45

[@lhumyaki]

damn and here my bigger issue with selfshipping and xReader was tumblr blogs posting long xReader fanfics without a read more, making it annoying to scroll through a fandom tag

[@saenekokun2723]

Also please guys. If someone said they are non-sharing, just move away, or block their account if it helps. They are not saying their ship is better, non sharing just doesn't want to see a ship that was special to them to include someone that isn't them. I'm not good with explaining, but think of it like you having to see your partner or friend that you really like with someone that isn't you. I promise that ignoring accounts that doesn't cater to you is easier than calling them out and exposing them to people who are always out to harass yumes. Also almost every yume hates yume gimmick account. They (mainly) are not out there to be a yume safe space, they existed because they know asks like this will go viral and escaped yume circle. People will harass and make fun of yumes because they think it's funny, when in reality yumeshipping and regular canon shipping or oc shipping are just the same thing. They all means something to someone, and to actively seeking out yumeshippers specifically, calling it "mental illness" is very telling of one's hypocrisy. Yumes KNOW these are fictional characters, we know they aren't real. Quit telling us that, we are not 10 yo. We are just having fun in this numbing, greyish adulthood. Don't strip this only thing that's keeping us sane. If you know someone is getting dangerously attached, connect with them. They will listen. Sometimes we do need a reminder to keep our feet on reality, but mocking or exposing their account is just sh1t move and you are just an arsehole.

[@undercoverfangirl5491]

Is this about the video?

[@Cassofalltrades]

I'm aware he's not real, but I choose to love him. He helped me cope with depression the past year. I love that Fire Emblem Heroes encourages selfshipping.

[@SailorRoseRed]

[@shiroq6714]

Personally, self shipping is REALLY not for me. You'll never catch my aroace ass doing that or engaging with any other persons self shipping post. Regardless, I wish that self shippers wouldn't get bullied, shunned or harassed just for having fun in their own way and simply existing in a fandom space. Life would've been much easier if certain people could comprehend the "Don't like? Ignore" mentality.

[@mikomiko.]

HELPPP im aroace and a huge selfshipper 😭 i dont want a real relationship, just the silly fictional characters

[@shiroq6714]

@mikomiko. That's awesome! I indulge into that stuff through existing characters already. Something about me inserting myself into the story makes me uncomfy.

[@kate9708]

I am also aroace, and not a selfshipper, but I love making ocs (which are often somewhat self-inserty) so I end up engaging with self-shippers content from time to time since I like to see what ocs other people have made.

[@jharmond3874]

I'm also aroace and I love making ocs to interact and pair with my fav fictional characters (platonic or romantic) but most of them are far removed from my own traits that I wouldn't consider them self interest. I however, do occasionally read y/n out of curiosity and I happen to always have the "I would never say/do that" plus its really hard to find ones that aren't romantic or sexual so I get it. I would be nicer if people shared that mentally of don't like ignore and not just in shipping but in Fandom in general.

[@liljatupsu]

As a triple-A battery (aroace with the 'tism) when I engage with fiction I like to forget I even exist. I tried imagining myself interacting with characters from a show once and it was just as uncomfortable as irl socializing with strangers +with the added discomfort of merging reality with fiction (no idea why but this has always felt really weird to me). These characters with magic powers or a quest to save the world have no reason to be interested in me or anything I do, I'd just get in the way lol

[@altalt479]

I mean the idea that we as humans can't differentiate fiction from reality is ridiculous considering people can watch media about death, gore and horrific actions without being traumatised for life. In not saying that media CANT traumatize people but the majority of people who watch Saw for example dont suffer from ptsd as if they'd seen it irl 😂😂😂

[@prettyhatemachinexoxo]

As someone who likes oc x canon shipping and all that fun stuff, the yume community is so toxic. They are blaming tnis video for "making yumes look bad" while they do it to themselves. They are over here acting like the video is the end of the world and it's so insane to me. I'm sorry these people are awful

[@Lordoftheskies15]

I'm seeing ppl say "this video is so mean spirited" when I've seen nothing of the sort. I'm looking at this objectively and it's literally fine? A lengthy disclaimer, specifying that it's a minority of ppl who take it too far, par for the course for any dive into a topic... What are they upset abt?

[@theawesomeayla]

Idk if I’m just slowly leaving my self-shipping phase but since I’ve gotten a serious boyfriend I haven’t really cared as much for fictional characters. Now I’m slowly making oc to ship with other characters but honestly I just cant imagine going for a character who’s never even seen me instead of my sweet, loving boyfriend, who’s actually there for me

[@mistysilence2]

been a self shipper since the late 90's early 2000's, interesting to see how much the culture has and has not changed at all since i was a kid. there was always people 'flaming' each other and screaming about how they weren't going to share sasuke/hiei/sesshomaru/etc while there was always others sharing and side-eying the flamers. i wonder what subcultures will be created in another 20 years.

[@thepersonwiththepanels5351]

I didn’t take this video wrong in the least as someone who became a proper yumeshipper after being immersed in fandom since the age of around 11/12! You were very clear in your points, and didn’t lump anyone together as a stereotype, and you even took enough care to say that some folks see it as a rite of passage, but DIDN’T say it’s cringe or inherently unhealthy. I don’t really understand folks who don’t want to ‘share’ their self-ships, but I respect their boundaries; I imagine it’s similiar to where, when I first get fully immersed in a new hyperfixation and am actively consuming the canon content/freshly off doing so, I intentionally avoid all criticism of the source- even constructive- for a good couple of weeks/about a month-ish, as I know that it will feel personal in some way and make me irrationally upset. I LOVE sharing my blorbos and self-ships with my communities, and I find so much joy and fulfillment for being able to do so regularly; you even put it phenomenally in how people like me love seeing our beloved character(s) get doted on and fawned over in other yumeships. Another banger video as always, Coley, and may your holidays be extra gentle this, full of love, light, delicious food, and warm memories to carry you through.

[@AsfuPoetra]

I have two friends, and one of them genuinely argued with the other cuz the other said: "megumi is my husband" and this friend genuinely was jealous of it???

[@pchou8118]

Not a selfshipper but an enjoyer of other's selfshipping art (especially that one Franky selfshipper on twitter iykyk). They are a pillar of fandom in general and the ones I've seen are so wholesome! Thank you for this deep dive and I've gained more of an understanding (both positives and negatives) of the yume culture itself.

[@SSaiko]

My take is: COMMUNICATION Why would you want to be with someone who prioritizes a fictional character over you? And why would you want to be with an irl person if you love a fictional character more than them? Just talk about it or break up 😭

[@Mocha_cat09]

I love self shipping and calling fictional characters my boyfriend/husband but it should never get to a point past joking where I'm neglecting my real life partner and saying that something that isn't real is on the same level as them. If that ever happened to me personally I'd break off the relationship immediately and try to find the person help.

[@schurfgebietwindra33]

a fun thing i've noticed with my self-insert ocs is that over time they actually just became their own characters that i don't really feel represent myself anymore. maybe that's also wish fulfillment for things i want to be or have but at some point it becomes so far removed that i really can't replace myself without it being jarring. maybe it just means i moved on from that obsession

[@forgetfulnightmares]

I got this notif right after watching a video about drama in the Roblox Pressure community and how the creator of a character in the game made boundaries for said character (among other things the devs were being called out for for not moderating well (which they agree with weren't moderated well. even ended with the game almost being sold). I knew some self-shippers can be bad, but I didn't realise that they can be THIS bad. - a selfshipper

[@Solacedew]

oh god PLEASE tell me the pressure fandom isnt mentioned in this video😭 Im not personally involved in the community but i watched both dramas from the sidelines and some of it was so terribly stupid. I hope everyone involved is doing well but both the fandom and devs are so immature(but mostly the fandom tbh)its crazyy

[@Bean_Named_Rifty]

I just got into the community and like a day or two later, the drama comes out and the discord server is turned into an announcements only server. I kinda understand getting attached to a character, but getting to the point where both the devs and fandom start arguing is messed up.

[@dusk4974]

The worst case I'm aware of is Ogtha. Look it up. I fear I may be on that same road. And I'm skipping down it with glee. (This is joking, not serious)

[@fig_flop]

Damn, you probably shouldn’t go down this road, but what f/o are you skipping down this road with?

[@dusk4974]

@fig_flop f/o? I always skip down the path of super intense self insert fanfiction before taking a break. Don't worry, I'm well aware it's all imaginary. It's just fun to walk the path now and again. OGTHA THOUGH, that man needs HELP

[@fig_flop]

@ okay, good. I’m with you on that. Also, f/o = fictional other

[@dusk4974]

@@fig_flop Ah, tyty. Dude, I have to ask if you've looked up Ogtha yet. I've inflicted it on many and every time people are just shocked. Now THAT'S falling in love with an imaginary character gone over board

[@mudkipqueen920]

There is only Ogtha

[@ianareis3495]

As someone who is selfshipping with a fictional character for a couple years (yeah, I'm down bad), I really enjoyed knowing more abt this phenomenon in this video. Even though I am aware that the character does not exist in real life, I'm pretty happy exploring scenarios with him; I would say channeling all this energy to making art is something that is proving to be really beneficial to me. As for my real-life relationships, I do not have any semblance of a romantic love life but while it is not on the cards right now, I'm glad I can rely on my friends and family. I'm genuinely happy regardless and I do hope to one find someone who makes me feel like this character does. ♡

[@bzzy.b00.96]

I follow a few self-shippers online and consider myself one, as well. It's so fun seeing people's ideas of how their OC/self insert/etc. interact with canon characters and in the story. I see so much good and beauty from the self-shipping community, but know it can get ugly (as do a lot of things in fandoms, unfortunately). It genuinely concerns me when I see people take fictional characters so seriously, even outside of the self-shipping/OC X Canon community. I have seen situations where fans will be downright hostile towards each other because they don't agree on something, and it creates an ugly situation. I understand loving a character so much and wanting to defend your idea of them. But fans aren't going to have the same outlook of a character as the next one. I also understand when life feels too much and you feel alone, then turning to fiction can be helpful. Trust me, I understand. There's a reason why I consider myself a self-shipper and have even made OC's in the past. It helps people cope and it can also help people explore themselves, which can be good for people to understand themselves better. At the end of the day, fictional characters are just that. Characters. They will always be a comfort for fans, but they should never be an end game.

[@flermit645]

had someone (who was way too into self-shipping) convince my highschool partner that i was cheating on them because i said i liked a book character

[@sunnyshine715]

i was a selfshipper before i even knew was selfshipping was lol, really happy to see coley make a vid on selfshipping and acknowledging both the good and bad aspects of it!

[@cantsalvagethis]

This doesn't apply to some situations, obv, but I find the... underlying implication of actual infighting over these characters really interesting. Especially about the seeing this character as 'their own'. Because this so often applies to characters from media and not personal ocs, it's hugely likely that the character they're scrapping over is _someone elses oc._ And that that someone else actually has a legal claim over them (via copyrighting of the media), which isn't something most people can say about their lil guys. Not a critique of the self-shipping, more just... It adds an interesting footnote or twang to the whole. actually being rude to people thing.