rating spicy fanfiction euphemisms

[@raidenkonkon]

"He pushed his disco stick into her pleasure casino." I have made truest art

[@michiko5566]

PLSSS 💀💀

[@notaaronburr3177]

This is the best thing I’ve ever read

[@theletters9623]

why does it kinda work

[@notaaronburr3177]

@@theletters9623 reminds me of a song that goes “I wanna take a ride on his disco stick” which just has a really fun vibe

[@rutad363]

This is acc smooth

[@arrow_of_ravenclaw5155]

Nothing will ever beat “he put his thingy in my you know what and we did it for the first time” or “man carrot.” Those are the classics

[@pyromaniac2104]

Don't ever make me read the words "man carrot" with my own two eyes ever again

[@tiredkid4620]

LMFAOOOOOOOO

[@sunhopii8534]

@@pyromaniac2104 s-senpai! Please dwont make me read "man carrot" with my orbs agwain 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

[@sunhopii8534]

@@pyromaniac2104 anyway I'm very sorry about my previous comment when I saw the words eyes I immediately thought of orbs

[@pyromaniac2104]

@@sunhopii8534 ...reading this was the equivalent of making a Monkey's Paw wish: not only did I have to read it again but my life is now infinitely worse thanks to the addition of orbs

[@fuzzydays5699]

I just read a crackfic a few days ago that was chockfilled with the most ridiculous euphemisms. Like… “mancave” “love sword” “love juice”… and those were the ones I could remember. I giggled throughout. But I think the worst euphemism I ever encountered in a different fic (somewhat non-seriously) was the usage of “worm”.

[@silversmilegirl]

oh worm?

[@serenegenerally]

Fic name please

[@fuzzydays5699]

@@serenegenerally A Portrait of Passion by Shark After Dark (BambooShark). It's a Drarry fic, but even if you don't ship it, it's still funny and also VERY explicit.

[@Mecharnie_Dobbs]

"... her womanly juices..." That's from a Leela X Amy from Futurama, fic.

[@BackgroundCharacter04]

"Worm", as a euphemism, was also used in the quick transmigration novel (if I remembered the title right) "Better to be a Beta". One of the arcs has the rooster gong (you really have to read it) say his 'little worm' (who's his shou and is actually a dragon) also has a 'little worm'.

[@daydreamerjim6603]

"Member Meatwand Lovepudding" sounds like J.K. Rowling trying to name a gay wizard

[@aquaabouttogetfunky]

This is Dumbledore’s name is he went a little of the rales.

[@trismarr2804]

dumbledore’s given name

[@sealpiercing8476]

Or a pro wrestler, but still extremely gay.

[@Mecharnie_Dobbs]

Each of JK Rowling's names, sounds a bit like something else. Albus Dumbledore. Albus, like Bulbous? Bulbous Ampledraws? Dumble sounds more like Bumble. Like Bumbling, but also like a bee, like the birds and the bees. Like he has a sting.

[@mirandabee2323]

Dumbledore's new boyfriend after things with Grindlewald went poorly

[@rex_ink]

If I ever make a smut fic, I will 100% try to incorporate m a n t l e into it lmao

[@DLCS-2]

Please don't

[@serenegenerally]

@A K please do

[@Ast3rrr]

just put it in a poem about the earth and it might work?

[@fantasyshadows3207]

Gaea x Tartarus; supposedly slowburn rivals to lovers but on a speed run mode so its a slipping sliding trainwreck of jumbled paragraphs

[@scoot-scoot51341]

Do it

[@dumpster-ratt]

"Our tongues fought for dominance" What a classical classic 🐸🤌

[@sofiacabanzo5005]

🤣 bru, I would see this so much. Like: Person a: "our tongues fought for dominance, but person b won and made me moan" and probably more stuff similar

[@pigeondance687]

hate this so much omg. i just imagine tongue creatures with boxing gloves beating the shit out of each other

[@auliamate]

@@pigeondance687 would read a boxing backstory story about tongue creatures personally, sounds lit

[@thetillerwiller4696]

I don’t know how to even visualize that 😂

[@sapphirewings8638]

I saw that one time and I all I could conjure up in mind was an image of two tongues smacking each other around and basically having a thumb fight except with tongues.

[@stars4809]

As someone who never reads smut and avoids anything with sex scenes in general this video is a puzzle game trying to figure out what each of these are actually referring to.

[@thenotebookofcuriosity9145]

Are you still confused about it? I will be straight up about it

[@thegreatauthoress4570]

I applaud you for managing to do so! *hands you a medal*

[@whitebread3872]

Same I’m so lost watching this

[@iamobsessedwithshadowsight]

Same, I can understand some of the more obvious ones or popular ones I’ve heard people mention but some of them are lost on me

[@If-loki-was-a-fox]

Same!

[@rowan404]

I once got “girth” as a vocabulary word in school. That was a difficult week. Every time I would do my English homework, I’d end up with penis imagery in my head. I don’t even like penises.

[@rowanharbour]

Ouch, your teach knew what they were doing

[@caseys2698]

😭

[@darienb1127]

I was doing a poetry project in high school related to action sounds words (i know the proper term but I don't remember how to spell it), but one of the words that was an example was fap. I did not have the heart to tell the teacher.

[@Ian07_]

mine was "gash". needless to say, i was traumatized💀

[@imlubu]

BROOO I'M SO SORRYYYY

[@rowan404]

I don’t see a problem with “arousal”. It’s not even a euphemism; “aroused” is just a synonym for “horny”.

[@slsthewriter1299]

It's weird because it *is* a synonym for horny. Like it's a state of being, not a physical thing. So when I hear "her arousal blah blah blah", it confuses me. Lol. Just use sex. That's a better word for it that gives off similar vibes. Because you can say sex to refer to genitalia, or "hot sex" to refer to what is involved with genitalia. :D

[@rowan404]

@@slsthewriter1299 Oh; I didn't know that people were using it as a synonym for genitalia. That _is_ weird...

[@slsthewriter1299]

@@rowan404 Oh yeah. xD Arousal as a word on its own is pretty good. I do agree with you for that. It's better than horny. But as genitalia…eh. Lol

[@Mecharnie_Dobbs]

A man's arousal is his hardness. A woman's arousal is her wetness.

[@slsthewriter1299]

@@Mecharnie_Dobbs Yeah. Not the genitals themselves though. Lol. Those are *signs* of arousal.

[@Cfneoz120]

"Its your guy.. throbbing member" I can already this is going to be chaotic and cursed.

[@chrissilverfield7642]

Fun fact, the term "vagina" is literally just the Latin word for "sheath" or "scabbard".

[@lidu6363]

Honestly, not using "gladius" in English is such a wasted potential.

[@YataTheFifteenth]

@@lidu6363 on the topic of Gladius but less so of smut, the scientific name for the swordfish translates to Sword Sword.

[@xenon8927]

Amazing fact about swordfish. Thanks

[@YataTheFifteenth]

@@xenon8927 you're welcome. The scientific community is smartly stupid on naming things. Fuckin Sonic Hedgehog Homolog.

[@taywilli412JK]

Men….🙄

[@donuted_ace]

I've read multiple fics that have used the term "bundle of nerves" to describe a woman's clit. I always imagine a literal bundle of nerves lol. It gets a 2/10 from me. I've heard worse but it's not great. Edit: another one. I was reading a fic and they did the thing where the put "ussy" at the end of his name. That completely took me out of the moment lol. It's just funny when I see that in a fic.

[@H3rm0sa]

a bundle of what??? 🧍🏽‍♀️

[@soupforfree]

thats such a loose description... and also a weirdly scientific one ? strange all around. 1/10

[@rosestar7078]

It can work if it’s used to describe the g-spot

[@LifeLessSquip]

That's what I always read for prostate tho.... I mean they just use the same term for Gspot and prostate so Ig it doesn't matter

[@thehopeofeden597]

I always see that as the g-spot lol

[@lillithdv8]

Overly clinical/anatomical descriptors will kill the mood imho. Also, overly flowery/metaphorical smut (unless it's cracky) makes me giggle, years of Harlequin novels have left me scarred. I rather read something a little more crude than euphemistic

[@nutella7162]

My goal is to write a (crack)fic using only terms from my anatomy textbook and write the same shit but using terms as if I'm re-writing the script for a particularly cute and girly Tinkerbell movie...if that's a wise idea is debatable but #yolo .

[@Alternate.Willow]

@@nutella7162 do give me the link when you do it

[@lillithdv8]

@@nutella7162 that has strong potential, omg lol do use the most dry terms please! my humble contribution: or 'turgid/tumescent', 'tachycardic rhythms', 'engorged muscle', 'uncontrollable discharged of mucus' , suppurating flesh,

[@nutella7162]

@@lillithdv8 will do lmao thank you for the suggestions!

[@nutella7162]

@@Alternate.Willow well can't promise a whole lot but I'll try sometimes when I find time and a right mindset lol

[@because78...9]

“What up guy's, its your boy, *throbbing member*” A most iconic introduction ✨

[@megumiseyelashes6706]

Why did this make me think of "He- hey its ya boi..uh.. _skinny member_ "

[@anitanielsen1061]

169 Nice

[@sistergypsyy]

Fr I’ve been cackling since the first second of this video 😭😭

[@Lazy__aLeaf]

I thought she was gonna say childe 😒

[@afoolishfopdoodle3284]

I started watching this as a pick-me-up kind of vid, I didn't expect to be cackling five seconds in

[@TheMoonsAceCard]

I once read a fic that used “watermelons” and I had to put my phone down to laugh

[@doodlemedudes5954]

I read a smutfic that very purposely never repeated the same euphimisim more than once, and it was the most hilarious thing I ever read. They got real creative with it by the end.

[@TheMeowBehindTheSlaughter]

do u have the link

[@Creatorsan]

That sounded like one heck of a ride

[@nsr-ints]

​@@Creatorsanpun intended?

[@pancakesagain5252]

It always makes my day when Throbbing Member uploads.

[@willsolacemahsaamini8681]

Or B u L g I n G

[@thechaosambassador]

Link broke

[@rutad363]

Out of context this is a 10/10 line

[@FeliceJaganshi]

I feel like that's from something, but i can't remember what.

[@elberryjuana]

LMAOOOOOOOOOO

[@yYSilverFoxYy]

My favorite crackfic has: -Puckered sin hole -Yearning lust crevice -Phallic thing -Bulbous bulb -Red weapon -Hardened dog noodle

[@nattyism]

THE LAST ONE⁉️⁉️

[@yellobanana6456]

DOG NOODLE

[@1SKRAAC1D]

WHAT

[@ch3rr1p1r4t3]

....PUCKERED SIN HOLE...

[@maddsthegamer]

WHAT IS RED WEAPON??????

[@amethystpaice1451]

Logically analysing bad smut euphemisms is something that I relate and aspire to

[@therightfulking1071]

"Its your boy...throbbing member" ah, yes, 4 seconds in, and I can tell this video will make me laugh so hard that I wake my dad up at 7am (I haven't slept, help)

[@infernowa]

^^^

[@lidu6363]

Hey, I hope your day went alright 😟

[@therightfulking1071]

@@lidu6363 Lol I went to bed at 10am the next day, we all good 💀

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

How could you forget “thingy,” “you-know-what,” and “mancarrot?” You know, the ultimate fanfic euphemisms!

[@greyflash77]

WHAT THE FUCK IS A MANCARROT-

[@hotchoccy4862]

stolen comment

[@t.p_yourhouse]

@@hotchoccy4862 yeah :(

[@cookiecream9514]

And, "he put his you-know-what up you-know-where" like if you gonna write that, don't write the fic at all

[@fanfictionandthings784]

*ahem* My Immortal *ahem*

[@tealmandala632]

In a plotless smutty fic the word “mammaries” was used. Instant mood killer.

[@Jensenrobinb]

I hope you forget that mammary

[@Freelance_Fandom_Collector]

That’s like calling someone a “poophead” during a fight. Just ruins all the emotion

[@bumbabees]

mammaries just makes me think of marmalade...

[@goodriddance.]

'its ya boi, throbbing member' Please collab with kwite, I'm begging you. He reads fanfiction as well- just, just please

[@snare_the_silly]

Holy shit that'd be such a funny collab, you might be on to something-

[@tulikasarkar1588]

Omg yes

[@BagelBoyboss]

Yes, MAKE THEM COLLAB! Maybe Kwite will get a crush on Coley! Who knows!

[@goodriddance.]

@@BagelBoyboss what 😭🙏

[@purpleisraiyen]

I need to see this

[@lis8769]

you know it’s bad when you’ve seen almost all of these

[@morkmello5367]

Hey as a Fate fan its pretty entertaining seeing sword, sheath, and especially Excalibur. 10/10 every time.

[@2econd2ight2eer44]

I thought I'd read some pretty bad fanfics before, but the fact that I've never heard half of these euphemisms has proven me wrong. I've barely grazed the surface. 💀💀

[@Pixie_Mess]

I read "slippery honey pot" in what I thought was a tame fic and now I sleep with one eye open

[@eyesack6845]

Was it a winnie the pooh fic? Winnie getting freaky with Kanga

[@fujicakes_]

The Eminem pfp only makes this better

[@osu1571]

I like how, nowadays, the phrase "he pulled his burning sausage out of her oven" can be seen in a sexual way, when they're literally just cooking.

[@azulizachan7595]

Who on Earth puts sausages in an oven tho???

[@osu1571]

"One of the healthiest ways to cook sausages is in the oven. It's super easy to do, and unlike frying or grilling, baking sausages doesn't require any extra oil" is what shows up on Google, and, as we know, Google never lies.

[@azulizachan7595]

@@osu1571 Oh, cool to know that, I'm now less of a fool thanks Kinda weird that it doesn't mention boiling, I thought that was more common

[@VivekPatel-ze6jy]

@@azulizachan7595 boiling is just for hotdog sausages I think In the UK we mainly fry or bake

[@Kairi-Yama]

@@osu1571 I eat my sausages raw

[@rowan404]

I feel like “forbidden fruit” could work in the context of oral sex.

[@Elliyan4]

or maybe with a fandom that has biblical references

[@roguishwretches]

this would probably work for a joke, but I don't like the thought of a vulva tasting like fruit-

[@scoot-scoot51341]

@@Elliyan4 ... The Jesus Fandom??

[@sugarwizard8676]

@@scoot-scoot51341 yeah?? what else do you think Christianity is??

[@scoot-scoot51341]

@@sugarwizard8676 Silly me. What else is all the fan art of Jesus for?

[@warriyorcat]

"He thrust his massive love knocwurst into her passion persimmon" is the worst one I've ever read.

[@caseys2698]

???? 😭

[@elementalsfm7]

PASSION PERSIMMON- IM DECEASED

[@draconicfeline6177]

What the actual goddamn

[@ketaminepoptarts]

if i saw that in a fanfic i would just close the tab and give up on reading that writers works ever again

[@Chrono_topher]

PASSION PERSIMMON 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@acemstudio]

"Throbbing member." And suddenly I'm reminded WHY I love reading smut despite NEVER wanting to actually partake in smut in real life due to being ace. Because....some of the descriptions y'all lol.

[@moondivine2288]

Mood

[@elwingsmith7352]

Such a mood !! 💜🤍🖤

[@reii_nyeori]

I'm aroace and yes, exactly 😂

[@nayabsanchez3972]

Same here, same here!! 😤😤

[@Kilathasaurus]

As an aegosexual i agree

[@kaegee2579]

Seeing the term “member” will ALWAYS make me laugh. I swear the first time I saw that word, I was like “What member? The fuck is this guy doing?” Then I was like “OH.”

[@imlubu]

LMFAO

[@Emily-jp2wd]

So apparently smut is written by sailors, spelunkers, or wizards

[@m3lody_Xox]

I'll never forget the moment I received a reply from my RP buddy that read as follows ''He put his carrot into your salad dressing and proceeded to stir'' when I tell you I genuinely pissed myself laughing that night.

[@SnowSecretsHere]

“And proceeded to stir” ✨✨🤌💖

[@flickcentergaming680]

Points for sticking to the bit, I guess?

[@bumbabees]

"proceeded to stir" dude...

[@junebug_dot_com2656]

I once read “he orchestrated a pants break-in” and it was so golden that I had to screenshot it

[@casper-rx9yk]

“Batter blaster” “Meatwand” “Manroot” “Love pudding” what even-

[@TheJoyBinkley]

I feel like Manroot is gonna show up in some marvel smut re:groot

[@Frostfern94]

Pleasure casino

[@supershrimp9274]

slit always freaks me out, because it sounds like something you'd use to refer to as an open wound that has a similar shape, and personally i wouldn't wanna go down on an open wound. and snake makes me think that it's bendy, like a real snake. very uncomfy to think about. also those earrings are dope af i couldn't stop staring.

[@imlubu]

NO FR SLIT SOUNDS LUKE THAT TO ME TOO

[@imlubu]

i think of like a slit wrist and it's pretty disturbing💀

[@smilegirl6429]

I think of a paper cut where...it should be. OW.

[@FeralMisfit]

I've seen yogurt dispenser and I've never laughed harder in my life.

[@yellobanana6456]

He thrusted his yogurt dispenser

[@justagoofyahhusername]

​@@yellobanana6456 you somehow made it worse 😀

[@nightingalexx5623]

“His man stick stood at attention. And twitched.”

[@canary0981]

Oof... "slit" is terrible for me personally. It sounds like someone's gotten stabbed and this is the result. Or like... gutting fish.

[@kiskadeekrane32]

"Chrysanthemum", "papapa", and "sky pillar" gets me every time

[@medea__witchhh]

the fact that my ao3 username has chrysanthemum in it omfggg

[@fallensilence907]

I was reading a smutty crack-fic a while back, and I had the absolute displeasure of reading the word, "brogurt." 10/10 best fic

[@flickcentergaming680]

😂😂😂😂 BROGURT?! 😂😂😂😂

[@BlindStarLily]

One that I heard in r/menwritingwomen was, “Her throbbing jazz cafe,” and one that a friend of mine told me he read was, “His lap rocket,” both of which had me on the floor dying. I’ve also heard the term bunghole used in a serious piece of erotica and haven’t been the same since-

[@sanashi27]

"Womanhood" and "manhood" - words I've read but in Filipino in several pocketbooks. It sounds weird to me as they sound too formal especially when the story overall doesn't use super deep words.

[@heyitsania1683]

Yes the Possessive series books

[@kaorimayami1540]

"he puts his meatwand in my dripping wound while pinching my mounds"... w h a t

[@uncommonusername]

Oh god thats awful

[@Abyrae]

Wasn't in a fic, but a chatroom back in 2009 or something, a guy tried (and failed) to hit on me once by asking if I wanted to see pics of his "harpoon of lust". Like... Yikes, dude.

[@thatonetrumpet205]

he really thought he did something lmao, that’s horrifying

[@huesofkai5152]

Moby Dick came to mind

[@hownot2junk803]

@@huesofkai5152 this made me giggle

[@lucikka3674]

Makes me think of that one Eddsworld episode lol

[@TheMeowBehindTheSlaughter]

@@lucikka3674 kek

[@illlovedd]

“Yeah babe let’s get to your mantle.” 10/10 pick up line

[@michaelmoroney423]

So many Magic: the Gathering cards can be euphemisms for anatomy On the one hand, you got stuff like Trench Wurm, Batterskull, Throne of Bone, Rod of Ruin On the other hand, you got stuff like Hallowed Fountain, Stomping Ground, Blood Crypt, Breeding Pool

[@kenzief6281]

BLOOD CRYPT XD THATS TOO GOOD

[@pozzsicle]

Rod of ruin though 😭

[@universal_doggo9656]

I thought that said breeding pole, which, doesn’t really make it better…

[@YataTheFifteenth]

please, smut writers, I beg of all of you, never use Rod of Ruin and Breeding Pool IN THE SAME FIC. EVER.

[@toucoon]

@@YataTheFifteenth so....can they be used in *separate* fics?

[@shimakesstuff7849]

I’ve seen “friend” used to describe it once. It was… not an image I wanted to conjure in my head. Just goes to show why I don’t really use Wattpad all that much

[@toucoon]

"You got a friend in me" took a really interesting turn, huh.

[@TheMimiSard]

"Mound" always makes me think of the triangle of skin above the labia - what gets shaved of pubic hair. I attribute this association to a novel I read in highschool that referred to a female character's "mound of venus" in a non-sexual situation (it involved magic).

[@TheMimiSard]

"Prick" strikes me as insulting as it implies a lack of diameter, which in turn implies a decided lack of satisfying a ability.

[@summerb380]

I feel like a lot of the more popular terms I can't really cringe at anymore because they've been so normalized.

[@Burningtoasttt]

My number one favorite that I've seen in the wild was "choo-choo train"

[@jlofty281]

I once read a fic that used “chocolate starfish” for a euphemism and I was traumatized for life. It was recent too.

[@jasperthecaster2115]

"His turgid battering ram breached the moistening Gates of her love palace"

[@Oushiro17]

Turgid is SUCH a gross word and used too often in these kind of things.

[@sand__witch]

@@Oushiro17 Turgid just reminds me of turd, phonetically. Instant mood-killer of an association.

[@professorrock4698]

@@Oushiro17 I know. I mean, I get that it can be technically an accurate description but I never want to see it again, and I've seen it far too many times. It's just "ugh." Something about the sound and feel of it... possibly the grossest word I can think of

[@jvgreendarmok]

"Grond! Grond! Grond!"

[@SecretAgentYaya]

"I don't care if you describe it as a scarlet banana, the only thing I am okay with seeing turgid about plants are their cells, got it?"

[@awesomesauce23]

The message is, that almost nothing beats the d word itself.

[@Mecharnie_Dobbs]

🐓

[@ToxicNeon]

I hate the d word ugh

[@deusex4905]

I haven't seen "nether" used in a minecraft fanfiction yet and I'm a little disappointed to be honest Also, as a French person, it's quite an exercise to understand all the terms and know what they refer to

[@Marriyang]

I have- it keeps showing up and I hate it

[@Miladybug]

The worst one I've seen was "sushi coin purse" to describe a vagina. I screamed

[@slushy7234]

WHERE DID THE SUSHI COME FROM

[@lucarudloff687]

Wtf

[@buddybuddy8390]

This video gives "exploring the Nether" a whole different meaning

[@saturn446]

There was one fic I read where a section started with "Draco thrust his wand into Herminoe's steaming cauldron." Cue my confusion, bc the fic was rated T I believe, plus the characters hadn't gotten together yet. Then the reveal in the next sentence that they're actually brewing a potion using Hermione's cauldron and Draco was doing the wandwork. Lmao. I try to stay away from smut so I only know about most euphemisms from like memes and jokes and stuff

[@nutella7162]

I vaguely remember reading "an abyss of debauchery" in a fic and being amazed at "ooh pretty english words" when I was still learning english as a foreign language. Good thing that phase is over lmao.

[@artofthepossible7329]

I can think of a couple of contexts in which that would work as a descriptor (harem fics with mind break, come to mind), but using it to describe the actual smut is another thing entirely.

[@SnowSecretsHere]

Makes a pretty fic title, idk about an actual euphemism.

[@giohex]

I know I personally use slit, warmth, core, and entrance while writing... but that's just because I'm a trans guy writing trans guy characters lmao I didn't even know there were this many different euphemisms

[@sasorithesergal3191]

Trans guy here who writes smut too! I think a lot of it comes down to what you're personally comfortable with using, especially when describing the anatomy.

[@kyle_rabui]

6:17 my personal issue with member is that it makes me think like... a member of a group. and so then their weewee is literally a human being they have a screaming little j-hope tied onto their body, crying and sobbing in fear

[@saturn446]

NOT THE SCREAMING J-HOPE dammit I'm trying not to laugh and wake up my entire household at this comment

[@sand__witch]

This might just be my brain after 3 straight hours of playing Minecraft, but for some reason, "portal" took me straight back to that absolutely wackass dream I had in which I was writing Enderman porn. And then "nether" proceeded to kill me.

[@shepherdbrooks7609]

My current pet peeve one is "folds" especially with adjectives added like "wet folds" and "slick folds" maybe I just see it too often. Sometimes when it comes to descriptions, less is more.

[@snickers2210]

the imagery with that one can either be kinda funny, or downright horrifying

[@Elliyan4]

@Hypothermic Dysrhythmia Guess The Gender

[@cloudlion1610]

That nearly made me gag

[@styxthecryptid1716]

I can see where overuse of folds could make it annoying, but for me i prefer it over other terms bc its nongendered language to use.

[@bbew2914]

@UCQ8nSCiO8HXCH-BTp1R-DyA Trust me, that's not entirely true

[@FlawlessM]

"And they fought with their swords" will never sound normal again

[@ende0_0]

Nothing will beat the horror of glancing upon the tag "DNA rifle" for the first time

[@medea__witchhh]

LMAOO

[@slsthewriter1299]

Tip for these words: Most of the time, especially for the more common ones, the key is being able to slip in the words so that, in context, it flows and doesn't come across as jarring. So, for instance, "vulval tunnel" (shush, I know) sounds…really fcking weird on its own, but I've used it once where it managed to flow really well with the rest of the narration. Writing these kinds of scenes really hinges on your ability to play around with word-choice. Some words are tame and will go easily with any mood/tone, others will work really well with a particular scene if there's metaphors being used, but won't outside of context. And by context, I do mean the tone/mood of the scene (carnal vs romantic), how the word phonetically fits into the scene (literally how it sounds; "core" isn't going to cut it in everything since…well, sometimes the c and r don't meld well with the sentence), the imagery of the word, etc. Smut is a game of word-choice first and foremost. I've been writing smut for 6+ years. Kinda forced myself to learn the hard way. Lol

[@V1G4M1]

That sounds about right… xD I‘ve been writing on the smutty side for years as well (although I‘m not nearly confident enough to call myself any good at it…) and I just go with the flow my mind dictates… xD

[@clemente3966]

So, thought experiment, if I wanted to describe a person's part or smthin about that person during the act, and that person is heavely but rightly associated with something, (for example, let's say explosions- yes I thought of Bakugo from mha, no I do not condone writing smut of him or any 1A student unless at least it's enough in the future for the act to have naturally come at that point for two consanting adults, am I clear?) and of course if the imagery could serve the scene, I would use smthin referencing what the character is associated with, right?

[@slsthewriter1299]

@@clemente3966 Yeah absolutely. Like, if one of the people in the scene is a soldier, "missile" or "trench" would be good cheeky ways to describe stuff. And honestly, depending on how you play it off (and don't over-do it), both of those could be used for more "serious" smut scenes as well. As opposed to comedic, anyway.

[@axiloti6966]

i read the word “tunnel” and immediately thought about that “SECRET TUNNELLLLLL! SECRET TUNNELLLLL!” song from ATLA Jokes aside, this is a really good comment for writing in general too (also the wording of the comment is great-) if the word sounds like a fish on land, then put it back in the ocean

[@slsthewriter1299]

@@axiloti6966 Oh yeah. 100%. This logic can be applied to any scene. Like, say, in a horror setting, don't put wiggle when there's wriggle and writhing there as options. Lol. And ooo. Yeah. That fish out of water thought does help explain this all more concisely. Lol

[@pappanalab]

Core gives me fitness vibes. Also as a choir kid it reminds me of being told to “engage your core” (important for good singing, not fun in a steamy smut).

[@melonramune]

"wound" has got to be worst one it actually scares me😭

[@flickcentergaming680]

That one hurt me. It hurt BAD. All I could think about was someone sticking their penis near a huge gash in another person's thigh

[@8thperiodhealth969]

I actually think "mushroom" is pretty clever because there's an entire group of fungi called "phalloides." There's even something called a "phallotoxin!"

[@brandonirvine1088]

There's one that people call "penis envy" 😂

[@dearoldmold]

I just can't read the word without picturing an actual mushroom in my head, honestly. It takes me so out of it, haha.

[@KittyLikesCats]

I would say the funniest one I've ever seen was "Whizz wazz pickle spazz" it still cracks me up to this day lol

[@kovuska2749]

All these geological themed words, there should be a fanfic of just these two geologist

[@dont.say.alec.]

I like the term "Passion" as an identifying word, the descriptive word "Velvety" and the phrase (or something similar to) "Melted into" to describe the closeness of two characters hugging or kissing. All of these work so well in fluffy, spicy scenes. Also when there are confessions and happy, emotionally overwhelmed tears and laughs of joyful disbelief. One of my favourite things.

[@elenacottica386]

I swear, fanfics give you a whole other amazing vocabulary. Just as amazing as this video, but it would be wonderful if you made that Merlin video you mentioned 👉👈🥺

[@UslessCrumb]

I second this

[@Linkinparkfanboy]

"Its ya boy..throbbing member" Ah you know the video is gonna be great with a start like that

[@handle69420cheese]

I genuinely thought 'member' was an actual word used to describe meatwands back in the day from the amount of times I'd seen it written down in fanfictions.

[@Mecharnie_Dobbs]

If you didn't mean "meatwand" literally, then it is. It's the 5th meaning listed in dictionaries. If you did mean "meatwand" literally, then what's a meatwand? How long do they last? What advantages do they confer over more obvious and durable materials, such as wood? What is the range and extent of the magic they make?

[@exyzt9877]

@@Mecharnie_Dobbs only thing I can think of is maybe more power for body based spells?

[@fantasyshadows3207]

taste more delicious when it's not raw... and safer that way

[@Clawdragoons]

It says something about the sort of fanfiction I've read that when you said "sheath" was dehumanizing my first thought was "but humans don't even have those, is that word really being used for humans in the first place?" and only realized several euphemisms later my mistake.

[@PhynixAnimations]

I read a fanfic where they just used "the Dong" and for some reason it was the funniest thing i read-

[@lisa_vxng]

I'd add that man/womanhood are also okay if it's like,, a period piece fic and/or trying to copy that style? Because in those anything modern would feel weird and out of place to me

[@v.v365]

When I’m reading smut I usually dip as soon as I come across an uncomfy or downright awful euphemism for anatomy, takes me out of the story

[@germanpogostick]

"This is a hospital if you mention wound I am patching you up" gave me the mental image of someone pouring cement to seal someones womanhood shut

[@chrisd322]

I once read a fic that had sock draw as a euphemism, and I almost died of laughter.

[@hammy7]

8:05 "if used well and not sloppily" goddammit

[@Danka42]

Depending on the context, "dehumanizing" might actually be fitting. But when it comes to some of these, I honestly can't even say which sex are we talking about 😅

[@imlubu]

well some words are interchangeable regardless of the sex!!

[@werh227]

Got to say my favorite has to be fuckstick

[@emilyrattini8462]

The words used vary if you’re reading “romantic smut” (just one pairing, mainly character-focused, more emotional) or “physical smut” (rarely sticks to one pairing, focuses on the deed instead of the feelings involved, you could literally swap out characters with little difference).

[@kaitlynmorgan8097]

I don't read smut, just not my thing, so seeing all these words standalone and not in writing is so odd. It's like i just got a bunch of words and pulled them out a hat and went "yep im callin this a penis"

[@thatweirdmusicalwerewolf7660]

Speaking as someone who doesn't really read smut...the fact that I couldn't tell which bits half of these were supposed to be probably tells you something about how useful they are.

[@llindberg194]

After reading all of SJM's more recent novels in one month, I've placed "core" on my kill-list. She pretty much ruined "shaft" and "length" too. And if I hear another "steel wrapped in velvet" I might puke. I don't even like drawn out smut-scenes, so /shrug

[@rex_ink]

YOOOO I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BOI THROBBING MEMBER UPLOADED A NEW VIDEO!!1!11!

[@bejeweledbat13]

didn't realize i had the sense of humour of a middle school boy until i was laughing the entire video lmflco (laughing my fucking love canal off)

[@michellemcintyre1997]

"He thrusted his frozen yogurt dispenser into her picture frame" is always a gollywagger

[@mayumio8174]

I've seen almost all of these and I'm honestly questioning wether or not that's a good thing. I also want to see someone use 'mantle' in a smut fic. That'd be glorious.

[@paigemosher8697]

I'm sure if you comb through enough Harry Potter slash fics, it should be pretty easy to find.

[@DLCS-2]

@@paigemosher8697 the old ones or the new ones. I think you mean the old ones

[@itsturtlefacemydudes]

Honestly the best spicy fics are the ones where words like these are used sparingly, like the instruments in the horizontal tango not being described all that much with the focus writing-wise being moreso on what the characters are feeling, physically or emotionally

[@deliberately_dee]

I've seen someone using stones to describe balls💀

[@wind64a39]

Have a minor in geology. Can confirm it attracts people who like innuendos.

[@SilverCipher00]

I fucking love geology

[@SilverCipher00]

I fucking love geology

[@meredithwyrick7916]

Coley has blessed us

[@Ash-gl2bb]

Who is Coley... I only know throbbing member 💀

[@AnaSchariac18]

Ah yes, anatomy.

[@fanpet3912]

Watching you sit there and put genuine thought into rating each one is something I did not know I needed. 10/10 video

[@voidcatskillet3651]

The best euphemisms I've heard was from a furry fanfiction. Those are "Tailhole" and the phrase "Then fill me up with enough seed to make at least twenty pups~"

[@OfficialOpinion]

The first fic I went and read after watching this had the phrase "Let's see how much ammo you can unload" toward a character crossing the finish line. Like... how perfect 🤣

[@SailorEddy]

Whenever I hear the word “member”, I think of Goldmember from Austin Powers.

[@DLCS-2]

How ?

[@jvgreendarmok]

I have a huge rodent problem.