Collapse: Variants of Somatic Narcissism, Wounded Borderline Self-trashing

Cerebral narcissists rarely have sex. By definition, any narcissist who is sexually active is somatic.
In the binary system of somatic-cerebral which often characterizes the period of switching, the narcissist cycles rapidly between abstinence and hypersexuality, a part of his approach-avoidance cycle (binary systems are dissonant and dysregulated and so resemble the borderline personality).
The cerebral's narcissistic supply is a sublimation of his sex drive (Eros or libido). Consequently, a collapse and the ensuing dysphoria - his incapacity to sublimate - render the cerebral sexual again and facilitates the switching to a somatic phase.
There are two variants of somatic:
1. The shared fantasy, single partner one; and
2. The promiscuous subtype.
What determines which sub-species of somatic the cerebral turns into is his sociosexuality.
But subtypes can also collapse (fail), leading the somatic to switch from one subtype to another.
Finally, when all subtypes have failed, the newfangled somatic narcissist switches back to cerebral.
EXAMPLE OF COLLAPSE
Some borderline women (secondary or subclinical psychopaths and emotionally dysregulated), with or without a prior history of promiscuity (sociosexually unrestricted) embark on a spree of sexual self-trashing after they have been discarded abruptly and cruelly by a long-term intimate partner to whom they had been scrupulously faithful and who was the centre and pivot of their world.
Such self-harming can last for years or decades and deteriorate into full fledged sex work.
By letting men - individuals and in groups - do with and to her body as they please, the brutally abandoned borderline is attempting to accomplish three goals:
1. Secure male attention and acceptance, compassion and affection, however fake and even if only for a few minutes;
2. Reaffirm her self-perception as bad, worthless, unworthy, whorish, and incorrigible;
3. Punish her erstwhile partner by cheapening and prostituting his “property”.
Sexual self-trashing is non-autonomous, non-agentic, and self-objectifying. It involves copious and ubiquitous dissociation as well as self-incapacitating and disinhibiting substance abuse intended to help legitimize the self-harm (“I was drunk”) and resolve cognitive and other dissonances.
Self-trashing borderlines, especially those who end up in sex work, create a counterfactual narrative of choice and empowerment. But in reality, such behaviors are lifelong addictions. Studies show that such women are unable to commit in relationships and they break up and cheat much more often than the average.
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[@tashsmith1709]

Your knowledge is truly profound...these lectures are pure Mastery

[@TheMattjudo26]

You're giving the world a great gift Prof Vaknin. I and many other people apreciate it.

[@jessicagarland5848]

Society is blessed by your perspective and HUMBLE informational free-for-all

[@sarah_98]

I'm on month eight of ketamine therapy. Diagnosed ADHD, Bipolar one, and BPD. It all seems to be cptsd. Plus narcissistic abuse. Years of therapy and more than a dozen meds without improvement, within one hour after my first dose of ketamine my intrusive thoughts stopped. Completely stopped my suicidal thinking. I have my life back.

[@samvaknin]

As I say in the video: Ketamine is showing great promise with depression and suicide.

[@michaelotto9546]

Wow, that is just incredible.

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

Gonna look into it ❤

[@franco2b145]

Medical supervision is highly advised.

[@Ladybug1988]

You are a fantastic professor! wish I had privilege of learning from your lectures in person!

[@carolinospelt2932]

This overview answered many questions about transition and sub-types. So there is nothing constant but change. Thank you!

[@tfi7867]

My last narcissist would engage in lengthy conversations with me, i thought he was my best friend til we were both triggered and he shut me out (for two months). After about one month he replaced me with another woman who was overweight, wore lots of makeup and is a smoker. Last i heard him share (in a recovery meeting) he complained of people talking about him (not me), not having anyone to talk to (maybe a reference to me…I’ve gone no contact) and trouble with people in his life over the course of two weeks (3 weeks post no contact). Does this follow the cerebral, collapse, somatic pattern? During our early friendship he was also focused on his motorcycle racing, then pulled back from that to focus on his creative photography. At the end of our friendship, he told me that he was leading me on and that he was never sexually attracted to me and that he was looking for someone who gives him spark.

[@robertafierro5592]

I am SO GRATEFUL that Prof. has taken the time to explain this very complicated issue. Thanks Peofessor! Consider me a SUBSCRIBER and a Thumbs Up!

[@runwiththewind3281]

Professor Vaknin, thank you.

[@vanessabeckett5614]

Not difficult to understand the binary when you’ve seen it happen right in front of you over the course of years of watching. Thank you for explaining what this is, never knew what was happening but now I can clearly see it

[@petethomas9623]

Perfect description of my borderline psychopath wife of 12 years after i dumped her,20yrs later and she is still doing it.

[@psychedelic-aesthetic]

I love your sense of humor and wit 🦄😂

[@tracyfox466]

OMG Sam!! You totally nailed it for me in this one.👍🏻 I have been trying to understand my ex-husband’s behaviors for the longest time and you explained it all to a “T”!👍🏻 Thank you so very very much for your insight and expertise and I could not agree with you more about having two different PD‘s in the DSM as there really should just be the one of NPD. Thanks again!☺️ You’re the Best!!🤩👍🏻

[@trudi6548]

5 🌟 video. Great content. Thanks 👍🏻🙂

[@jasonuren3479]

Wish I could speak two languages, let alone _six!_

[@spoton8247]

You're hilarious 😂 !!! Love you Sam 😍

[@HadleyMeredith]

Thank you, thank you, you tell my story. Brilliantly described switching in my experience. Thank you.

[@mountainwoodcamp1638]

Thank you for such excellent videos! A question from 13:15 -- "the only group we know of where dysphoria/depression leads to hypersexuality" is this in reference specifically to the narcissist (in all of their phases) or the broader family of cluster B? What about in cases of grief after a traumatic or unexpected loss? Do neurotypical people also experience surges in hypersexuality during the initial weeks of intense grief?

[@samvaknin]

Yes; and: generally no, although there are exceptions.

[@mountainwoodcamp1638]

@@samvaknin thank you.

[@anonymouskat6661]

i read in the book “come as you are” that some peoples response to stress is hyper sexuality and others response is a diminishing of sexuality/libido

[@samvaknin]

@@anonymouskat6661 I did not say "stress". I said "depression".

[@MsDeongi]

Are NARCS deadly… I was SHOT by someone I believe to be one. He can’t even apologize correctly

[@prbpino75]

Anyone that shoots some else out of malice and not self defense definitely has some psychopathic tendencies IMHO.

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

​@@prbpino75a malignant narcissist IS what formerly known as a psychopath lol

[@chandanasamarasinghe8313]

Professor, does narcissist personality disorder is remnants of hunting age skills?

[@jensjewels9404]

I like how you pronounce words. Especially "okay, shoshaneim"

[@DO-NOT-WATCH]

Thanks for your continued good work

[@우리가족-d4n]

I had such a question, but can a borderline woman accept a man without mortification and make him feel alive? after all, it is she who can love him without any masks and he will not be afraid to be himself. and he will then give her a guarantee that he will not leave her.

[@PlayMaster121]

Hi prof Vaknin, are the narcissist and borderline have depression inner them ? in another words, they can’t be normal and always act out?

[@cdithmer]

Thank you very much for your work. I would like to know if you are always describing extreme forms of disorders or if there is a gradation or different levels/ evolution in every form or manifestation of a disorder. Thank you in advance

[@simplyhuman2213]

People who correct someone they learn so much from and over something irrelevant are petty

[@HadleyMeredith]

Best video!

[@sandrabolton6190]

You are absolutely right about all of the different kinds of narcissists, it is confusing especially when they have some of the other traits. My husband has many of the other traits until I don’t know what kind of narc he is. Just when I think he is one kind, he has many of the other signs. I am a Psychology Masters student. You are the genius ! I love you so much! I’d had never known what was wrong with his ass!

[@user-wi3yx3gy2o]

Microsoft Word changing the margins automatically when you change the font, or changing the font automatically when you change the margins, or changing the margins and/or font when you hit the tab, or not widow and orphan controlling when you do widow and orphan control, or creating a 3/4 page page break in a page with no footnotes or anything just because you do “keep lines together” after widow and orphan control won’t work, or allowing you to delete footnotes in the footnotes without deleting the footnotes in the body of the document, or creating spaces or double lines that won’t go away for no reason whatsoever, or not re-numbering footnotes after deleting a footnote. It might be the worst thing since the invention of murder.

[@serialcatmom4689]

I think the one pronunciation of ketamine is British (as in other “ine”-ending words) and the Microsoft pronunciations are usually American.

[@samvaknin]

No. Both the UK and US pronunciation are ketaMIN. Microsoft Read Aloud got it wrong.

[@serialcatmom4689]

@@samvaknin Good to know (I wouldn’t have, otherwise). Thank you!

[@ThatsAggravating]

You may have mispronounced the word, but we all knew what you were saying. And I agree about the trump statement. Would love to hear more of your thoughts on jordan Peterson and perhaps if you think this is essentially a pipeline to falling into alt right ideologies… Thank you for your musings as always dr vaknin

[@thekajalflaneur]

Thankyou Sam for the video. I was wanting to ask you if you have made or will make a video regarding homosexuals (gay men, lesbian women) and the forms of narcissism common in the community? I am making a hypothesis that it is extremely common, from your theory that Narcissism is a complex response form PTSD. I am trying to make sense of my life and the life of the community around me. Please refer me to any relevant videos or literature you have or know of. Thankyou for reading.

[@dovmdn]

Very clear and understandable (how cerebral of me😁)

[@jaydee6710]

During episode she would insult herself, insult me apologize and do it over and over itvwas insane

[@s_gal9900]

Freud still being taught at university here in Texas!

[@soyselene]

Profesor, how do we know if we have a personality disorder? I mean you always speak to us as "normal" as if there was no narcissists or psychopaths among your audience? I've met all kind of flavors of narcissists but how could I know if I am too? That worries me a lot.

[@sicobain]

It should be useful if there was a test

[@sofiaavetisian5673]

Will a somatic narcissist always cheat on every single partner he has, no matter how attractive the partner is or what kind of shared fantasy they are in? I dated a somatic narcissist for 3 years and he told me once that him cheating was partially my fault. I know it’s bs but still can’t help but wonder if he was actually to find that one drop dead gorgeous woman would he cheat on her as well?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@suzanneburgess9209]

Does this happen to prisoners

[@JohnSmith-lk8cy]

UK we say ray - sheem

[@therese1156]

Microsoft is correct. Take a look at any phonics program. When two vowels are in close proximity the first vowel has a long sound eg: a-e, i-e etc.