Southeastern High Speed Javelin in Train Sim World 2

Enjoy some gameplay from the Southeastern High Speed route in Train Sim World 2 aboard the class 395 Javelin. I'm accompanied by a small child with a coca-cola bottle, the holographic doctor and the tannoy system to let passengers know what's happening. Also included in this adventure are tales of woe featuring the use of carbonated beverages as de-icer, a game of chicken and the single greatest pun of all time.
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Once in a while I post something of value in here.
No, that isn't true except for in the super-secret secret message section right at the very end of the description. To get to that point you'll have to scroll past a big lump of links and nonsense all of which will enrich your life... if you let them.
How would you like to seize control of the bombastic outro? As a performing video monkey I'm now offering you the opportunity to do just that. Within reason. Obviously, I won't tell you where the line of "within reason" resides, but you can try it and find out. Swing by my Wisio and I'll see what I can do : www.wisio.com/...
Right, this is how you can get the very best out of this channel, and lend a significant chunk of help toward its future success. If you have $1 per month you can gain access to exclusive videos, the magical Discord channel, and consider yourself a member of Fail Brigade:
Option 1 (several different tiers available): Patreon - / colonelfailure
Option 2 (one size-fits all): KZbin - www.youtube.co...
All new merchandise everybody! That's what you want. Forget paying the rent! Buy a tshirt instead : colonelfailure.com
Do you want to follow a Twitter account that is actually cheerful? Not in the kind of way that offers life-affirming, inspirational text with a waterfall in the background, but in a jolly, acerbic kind of way? Follow me on Twitter. That's what I do. / cnlfailure
Do you want to know what videos are coming up each week? A few people do. I don't always get around to publishing the schedule, but when I do, I do it on Facebook. Not sure why I chose Facebook, but there you are. / cnlfailure
That's all for now. You can go about your business.
(*) - Today's secret: There's no pleasing some people.

[@StuntpilootStef]

Next time I'm in a museum and you can get those audio tours I want the Colonel to do one. "Here's somebody's child that's weeping for some reason. I don't know, maybe it was left behind by its parents for being a bloody nuisance."

[@jsprague2453]

His narration should be ended with "I've been Colonel Failure, you've been a ruddy delight, thank you for renting this headset, I hope you learned...at least one thing...now kindly give it back so another happy punter can spend 5 quid on it".

[@mrhipbone]

In these dark times of early 2021 where international travel is a thing of fantasy, I take comfort from The Colonel's detailed analysis of London's most iconic landmarks. I feel as if I've spent 6 months exploring everything it has to offer your average Australian tourist, all from the comfort of my own home. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ It is also comforting to hear Muluab has found himself a new career after the destruction of his Cloud City.

[@JunkMan13013]

The "magic seat at the back of the train" is so true. I don't understand why people think you're there just for the fun of it.

[@coolkirk1701]

As a trekkie and a railfan, this is the best TSW2 vid ive ever seen.

[@colonelfailure]

Found my demographic!

[@cabe_bedlam]

Ohh a Karmann Ghia! Always knew you were a man of impeccable taste. Enjoyed the cameo from Muluab, the second Ticket Master :)

[@lostwizard]

I can see it now. Muluab is going to pop up everywhere with his second whatevering.

[@rickboivin7732]

@@lostwizard But we were reminded today that TSWx videos always come with the missives of Bafflegab the Original Chronicler.

[@lostwizard]

@@rickboivin7732 So we were.

[@jsprague2453]

God, I live for the announcement whistle and anything which follows.

[@CTTechGaming]

The Captain told me to pack up my tribbles, but the trouble with tribbles... they will eat my grain! Huh huh 😉.

[@Bo_D_Hansen]

I love your commentary in this video Colonel Failure🖒

[@Raichase]

Watching the Colonel play train simulator games is easily the highlight of the day. I love this! As a train driver, it's hilarious to watch you trying to figure out the equipment and how it works. Keep up the great work!

[@adrianbinstead6249]

I laughed soo hard at the whole journey, a masterpiece of editing mate! Thanks for cheering up my weekend.

[@mj-tk3gs]

Ahhh far to many hours spent on that ruddy train (and that route)... Thankful for working from home at the moment...

[@Snake1257]

Loving the sound effects. Great narrative, as usual. 👍

[@DoctorMagdaki]

Yay accidental emergency brake! I love those!

[@JayTG123]

WTF!! I Never knew Sam had a KZbin channel?!? Quickest sub ever!

[@LuisRodriguez-xt9ly]

Same 😂

[@osmo250]

For an emergency brake, it doesn't really stop that fast 😆

[@johnnytruth9100]

I went to grad school in London from 1988 to 1989, and I had a classmate who rented a council flat near the gasworks, and we would go up onto the roof of his building and watch the 125's coming and going from St. Pancras and King's Cross late at night. I believe the building he lived in was roughly where the clump of trees were at the end of your video...there were NO trees around that area when I was living there.

[@im_skipachu]

No Cheerio! or outro will take some time to get used to.... Though "...Go away" is quite fitting as a final words. :D

[@TomQuixote39]

Sittingbourne is twinned with Ypres in Belgium, and as someone from sittingbourne it being twinned with a place famous for a bloody battle is quite fitting

[@nathanwulf]

I'm glad you agree third rail is a backwards technology. Also this is the best train sim video you've ever done. More please.

[@HobbyLinkYT]

So happy to see this back. Love all your videos

[@C2K777]

I think I speak for us all when I say I was praying the Colonel would be mid chat when the train pulled out with him still on it. Damn him attention to his surroundings

[@csmart6444]

Got this route yesterday and love it. One of my favourites.

[@andypocalypse]

tribble's... old kit bag... just pure gold mate XD

[@info_fox]

I feel like I just watched someone attempt to steal a train with that intro 🤣

[@robinpayne125]

I see you cunningly avoided Gravesend. Almost certainly a wise decision.

[@colonelfailure]

Nothing happened that was noteworthy. I felt like I'd already tapped the Town In Kent dismissive vein to exhaustion.

[@robinpayne125]

@@colonelfailure I used to live there. I can definitely confirm nothing of value was lost

[@michaelnunnery6394]

So that's why Natalie blew through Sittingbourne Klingons on the Starboard Bow

[@slimtomtano8278]

If I heard the captain introduce himself like that I would panic hard and get off at the next stop

[@papasmurfette007]

Next stop? Open the window and tuck-and-roll for me...

[@CanadianManeuvre]

This is the best content on KZbin.

[@RazzUK]

34:03 Ah Yes, East London's Viking quarter, Stratfjord.

[@RobertDodge]

Remember "The Rainham in Spainham stay mainly on the Plain hmm"

[@coolkirk1701]

By george shes got it. By george shes got it.

[@maz1699]

We don’t see enough of TSW 2 on Colonel Failure

[@sourfrog]

Some of us are happy with zero TSW videos.

[@maz1699]

And some of us are happy with some

[@PaulPavlinovich]

And some others are also happy with more 😃

[@burgessgamers298]

I will slow down I'm not a monster had me lol love your commentary It's always a good laugh keep up the great work Colonel.

[@TheLeonhamm]

This, dear souls, is where dads go to learn how to teach their kids how to drive .. I know, I know, this is an all-singing, all-dancing Strain Stimulation combo for Magical Mystery Tour Trainage .. Did you really expect something sensible? Well, there you are then. Ding! Ding! Yay! ;o)

[@natgrant1364]

St. Pancreas. Patron saint of diabetics. I'll see myself out.

[@philipbossy4834]

On time at the final destination while taking the time to visit some stops? What a pro!

[@csmart6444]

This video was hilarious, really enjoyed the commentary.

[@msjn23]

I love the Colonel commentary on the local area and why you wouldn't want to live in it 😀 There should really be a Colonel's Guide to Britain somewhere down the line 🙂

[@mickeypigduck2307]

Fizzy brown good stuff. I was in that band.

[@viktorwikstrom1228]

I also think it's the torpedo button because you obviously had the key to the torpedo launcher behind you with that alarm hahaha I must also say that I really love the new timetable, I missed a real one in the first tsw :)

[@solidsnake4595]

that moment when you realise Colonel Failure isnt failing at all but being a bloody awesome fictional father to the coka cola child i mean if my dad followed my grand dad into the railways and i got to ride with him id have been happy as fuck lol

[@Dimstar-xj7gi]

Love the Star Trek references Sam! Good work!

[@sophiaevans9908]

No Colonel, it IS just another grubby little town in Kent!

[@nathanielbernecker5810]

This is fantastic, will we ever see more detail valley?

[@colonelfailure]

Yes.

[@Bunny_Dubois]

Technically, to be a "fun at parties" type (like there's any parties to be fun at, anyway, at the moment), that's a diesel-electric submarine. Also, the radiation was to recrystallise the dilithium, which would allow for a stable matter-anti-matter reaction to generate power.

[@colonelfailure]

Point deducted for ruining the nuclear wessel illusion. Point regained for recrystallizing dilithium.

[@Bunny_Dubois]

@@colonelfailure I'll take breaking even :D As an additional fun fact, the aircraft carrier in ST IV was actually USS Ranger, an non-nuclear carrier in a completely different class. This was because Enterprise was out at sea doing boat things, and also they probably wouldn't have let them film on there anyway because it was Cold War-tier top secret.

[@weswheel4834]

You did the whole Star Trek thing just to make the Nuclear Wessels joke didn't you? (In which case, I agree, it was worth it. In that spirit...) At 12:38: "Ladies, you tend to know where we are anyway, so there's no need to tell you. Men: Know where this is? It's Rainham, men! Hallelujah! - It's Rainham, men."

[@weswheel4834]

Oh yeah, just read Cumberland Sausage's comment. I agree, the Tribbles pun was worth it as well :)

[@Wizzardgirl]

Oh no!! I was very much hoping England was far too posh to have MD20/20. Oh Lord .. my crush on the UK is now slightly tarnished. Luckily, a little MD20/20 on a rag will polish that right up. ; )

[@jamieparker57]

The amazing thought that i've probably sat on the same platform and then train as you watching one of your videos while i trundle (while attached to rocketship) into work. While also being gorged for the £5500 season ticket from Ebbsfleet

[@B-A-L]

Took me two fcking weeks to get this train to start from St Pancras. Turns out a button they said I had to press in the tutorial didn't need to be pressed! This whole game is so anally retentive that it even has a pile counter!

[@michaeldegroot1327]

As a resident of Melbourne, Victoria, Australia; all the posters for rail replacement buses, a bigger better network and a disruption on the line, made me feel very much at home. Which is both good and bad at the same time. Dare I say, "like the Colonels train driving"?

[@B-A-L]

Did you add the Victoria, Australia just for the benefit of any Americans watching because everyone else in the world knows where Melbourne is?

[@iLied12]

Great video, great commentary and excellent driving!

[@thedumgamer2046]

Cor that small child had their work cut out

[@DoctorMagdaki]

Yay passenger announcement!! I love those

[@kristianklitgaard1750]

“The Ding Ding Ding” an The go go go 💡🤣

[@GretchenDawntreader]

15:10 just for fun I went to google maps and looked at Gillingham station from above and I was impressed how they pretty much got the ingame station so correctly, I had figured it would all be an abstraction or something.

[@GretchenDawntreader]

honestly, as an American and passive consumer of things British, I always thought it was St. Pancreas and how odd it was to name a place after an internal organ. I could use a new pancreas, I'm diabetic.

[@diederikwillems6782]

I truly wonder what the decision making process was behind trying to de-ice your windscreen with Coca-Cola.

[@EtoileLion]

I'm gonna go with "Oh ruddy hell I can't see out this window. All i've got is coke. It'll have to do."

[@PaulPavlinovich]

At least now I know how to make this thing move again after an e-stop. Just push stuff randomly until it stops yelling at you. At least it only beeps instead of yelling at you in German like it's mean older brother on ICE.

[@colonelfailure]

Take it out of e-brake then put it back into e-brake again.

[@PaulPavlinovich]

@@colonelfailure I found one situation this doesn't work. I'll try reproduce it but if you inadvertently (because you're watching CF on KZbin) Ebbsfleet & you e-brake you're stuffed because you're now wrong voltage as well. I got stuck at that point I'll give it another go deliberately and if it happens again I'll put in a tech report. Maybe its right to be punished at that point - I guess in the real world having just blown up your power system you'd be waiting for a assisting loco and a lot of explaining :).

[@PaulPavlinovich]

Tried a couple of times to reproduce this but was always able to recover using the described method and continue... albeit without stopping at Ebbsfleet. If this happened for real it would be quite a ride at 225km/h beyond that station :)

[@MyLifeAsIsaac]

How did you make a passenger announcement on this? It’s so cool

[@thomascannaby6751]

He does it in the editing and does a voice over it is not possible on a 375 tsw2

[@GretchenDawntreader]

My review for travellers to the big museums in London: go to the British Museum for vast collections of interesting antiquities. Go to the V&A for 2 or 3 of the most exquisite examples in each category. That for me was the main contrast between them.

[@B-A-L]

Sod that! Just go to the Science Museum!

[@Mass_hole508]

9:38 No No you're hands are just bigger than they were then! P.S. Coca Cola works great to remove automotive battery acid too.

[@aircooledorion]

And cleaning the sides of tyres and makes them look new. just scrub it on with a brush.

[@rickboivin7732]

Didn't work well on the toilet during my tests.

[@115steve]

Only thing missing is the stardate!

[@土浦乗り鉄]

very nice.

[@jonathanrichards593]

Kerning Failure. To mix space universes, poor TIE-pography. Edit: "If I've got a first class ticket, I want a chair", the man said. I've made many journeys from BPW to PAD with a first class ticket and standing all the way.

[@aircooledorion]

And that was refreshing, I don't know which is worse colonel failures driving/ jokes or the tourist information which he imparts to us all, Because listening to it all the effect is to make me not want to visit kent especially if CF has recommended it

[@ajmeipalu1051]

He mentioned Estonia! Everybody rejoice!

[@DoctorMagdaki]

Yay another passenger announcement!!

[@Wabbit_Hunta]

Hey Colonel, you show have a TV show to rival Portillo's Great British Railway Journeys. The Colonel's Guide to British rail travel.

[@Kyznar1]

Can confirm Colonel Failure is NOT a monster...Other character accusations still pending final decisions.

[@Baleur]

5:36 he crashed, didnt he? What was that cut about xD

[@colonelfailure]

I cut the less interesting commentary. Crashes are interesting.

[@fetzie23]

Tough crowd, on the 08:00 to London St. Pancras

[@thomasstuart2936]

15:15 Muluhab the Second Chronicler.

[@Bcp123]

Sittingbourne is twinned with Ypres

[@StuntpilootStef]

Yikes

[@PapasFilms]

17:43 almost spad

[@masterdalshei]

This is pleasing :)

[@oakenshield6]

Who put the Colonel’s old kit bag in the quadrotriticale?

[@maz1699]

Oh no I just saw, you failed to complete the service Colonel. 6 yards to go at St Pancras.

[@colonelfailure]

I finished, but cut the ending short as the commentary wasn't as good. I'm getting into the habit of doing that in order to tighten up my videos a little.

[@jameshumble_gtuk6978]

Great video colonel failure

[@wilkybarkid]

Driving round Hanningfield reservoir in my 72 beetle. Only Orangina to wash off tge bugs... how to make a situation much worse. ..

[@jerrydeanswanson79]

Could be worse...you could be a pilot of a 747 and punching random buttons and stuff, eh?

[@robthebuilder9908]

Thank you Sam I missed this

[@MyLifeAsIsaac]

When does the southeastern class 465 get released. I’m just so excited to know.

[@rickboivin7732]

Cribbed your sound-fx from Genesis Alpha One, didja? For the record, I like my Twinnings with milk and sugar.

[@colonelfailure]

Not sure if you're joking. Just in case you're not, no I didn't. I remixed all the sound in Genesis, this uses some of the same effects.

[@rickboivin7732]

@@colonelfailure Me? Joking? I suppose a Wink emote might have been in order but I was doing some clever guerrilla marketing. Maybe too clever... All those Star Trek sound-fx immediately reminded me of GA1. The real question is: did the Javelin make any money on that trip ;)

[@corruptedshinnok9831]

Fast asf

[@oscarm.d.3848]

Colonel, what software do you use for your announcements?

[@colonelfailure]

It's a very simple filter using Adobe Audition (cut the high and low frequencies).

[@N00N01]

Nice

[@bjarnenilsson80]

Back up your tribles in your old kit bag and smile smile smile, and allso please do not overfeed your tribble

[@bjarnenilsson80]

Was that a qoute from muluab the second chronicler?

[@theblackknight5389]

It doesn’t rain hams in rainham

[@themadone3925]

Stratford international should be called, not so Stratford not so international

[@philipkirwan3844]

actually the sub at Rochester is a diesel Russian sub not a nuke boat

[@colonelfailure]

But that wouldn't work with the narrative, would it?

[@philipkirwan3844]

@@colonelfailure true

[@QwertyAfro]

😂

[@Sam-pn2kc]

No canterbury?

[@Wolfgangtailchase]

Why is it called stratford international, there are no internationel trains there???

[@otg374nowdiscontinued7]

It was supposed to be for regional eurostars.

[@IemandIemandus]

21:11 Thanks Boomer

[@rickboivin7732]

Generation X'rs love being called Boomers by Millennials.

[@colonelfailure]

A proper boomer comment would be "In my day we'd have had 17 jobs and we were happy about it..." rather than "I spent a lot of time getting wasted on bad lager in bus shelters." Boomers: pull yourself together, life isn't so hard. Gen-X: where's your sense of nihilism? Worth knowing the difference between the two.

[@chrisniemann4012]

Have to give it a thumbs down...jokes are great! Colonel driving with the keyboard instead of frantically clicking and dragging the mouse on the command center, and excitedly tripping the e break, not so great!