Communication Hack for Connection & Influence |

What if there was a simple change you could make to communicate more collaboratively and with more influence, while also encouraging greater creativity?
There is!! You’ve got to try this!
It’s a super simple communication hack that has a HUGE impact on how others feel when they’re around you, and can have a massively positive impact on your relationships (both professional and personal!).
Here’s why:
The word ‘BUT’ becomes a form of psychological invalidation. It rejects, dismisses or minimises someone else's thoughts or feelings.
“I’m so sorry you feel that way, BUT…”
“That’s a great idea, BUT…”
“You’re a great team member, BUT…”
Instead, swap it for another three-letter word, and trust me - you’ll notice the difference!
#shorts
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[@BillehBong123]

Question: in the example that you just gave, aren't you just giving implicit agreement of someone's idea when you don't infact agree with it? It's great to make people feel validated but it shouldn't come at the expense of going along with whatever they're saying.

[@ShadeZahrai]

Thanks for the question. I'll give you 2 examples of replies in the context of how to substitute 'but' with 'and' in the context of collaborating with someone that's disagreeable and has equal or more power - without having to agree. USING BUT "We could re-hire contractor X because they're familiar with our site protocols BUT they're expensive and a little slow. I think we can find better deals." USING AND "We could look at rehiring contractor X since they're already familiar with our work-site, AND just to make sure we're getting good value with timely delivery, let's get a couple of other quotes from reputable contractors who are also familiar with our type of worksites." Hope this helps!

[@PapaRora]

How are you so amazing! Where were you in my 20s?!! Better late than never!

[@honzareality]

@@ShadeZahrai I learn this in Never split the difference :-) And I use it ever since.

[@KeshavBhola1008]

👁️

[@KBS_ar]

I prefer to use less words and be straight to the point. People need be less sensitive I will say it in a polite and soft voice tho. - Khaled alharbi 25 Jeddah, ksa

[@aritrasur2682]

Honesty and clarity of communication is much more important than making someone feel good all the time

[@sunofpeter2]

Yeah is that you tried making everyone feel better all the time? Then it fell apart before your progress was made? Good thing you found this gem of a communicator as she shows a better way. Good luck chum hope you figure out where you went wrong.

[@JeEL2610]

indeed

[@sstein4777]

Agreed. Especially using such long sentences that unveil how hard you are trying and make you look fake in the end

[@alfacentauri3686]

"Yes, if ..." would be a better answer. You don't create an obstacle with a "but", you just set a criteria for the idea to be accepted.

[@ShadeZahrai]

If your only aim is to make the person happy by telling them what they want to hear then it's not collaboration and it's disingenuous. Only through the clash of ideas can you have the sparks of truth. Note - not the clash of people. Depersonalize the ideas. In a situation when you need the person to collaborate - leading them to open their mind to new possibilities (not necessarily agreeing) instead of dismissing their perspective can be more influential. You can (and should) absolutely be honest and clear.

[@fixinfkinsandwiches6183]

Her voice is so perfect.

[@eng-ishow]

Bro this is made by ai

[@notperfect005]

Yeah "voice"

[@Brandon-kp5to]

@@fixinfkinsandwiches6183 bonk

[@benli3278]

@@eng-ishow really?

[@muaviyakmr29]

@@benli3278 yup,.luk at her other vdeos

[@animeshorts057]

Her smile is adorable for me

[@utkarshaggarwal1631]

You completely changed the answer from not accepting their suggestion to accepting it. It's better to be assertive than just agreeing with everything

[@gurindersingh8109]

You are wrong. When someone say something how can you instantly conclude about its true impact? A professional would try gather more facts about an argument before taking a decision. Decision is expensive, you can't deliver it like an instant coffee. Therefore encourage and applaud every bit of info when you hear it first. Think

[@utkarshaggarwal1631]

@@gurindersingh8109 what if that opinion has already been tried just like the answer she gave herself in the video suggesting that it didn't work ....I agree with the "thinking" and making a decision part. But you need not think if the idea is repeated for a similar situation in the past where it didn't work.

[@kartikpanjabi6801]

@@utkarshaggarwal1631 yeah that's true but here she is more tallking about conversation skills that we are used a lot without any conscious thinking. You know like after every yes and but people don't like to hear rest of the things

[@aunkanmandal360]

Just say yes instead of no ,super simple. Everyone will like you.

[@ujjwalrocks]

You are so articulate. I am hooked on hearing you talk

[@vanzylw1]

This woman is a champion ! Imagine spending 3 months with her, gaining momentum and developing yourself, to position yourself as new CEO

[@SRSGAMER07]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@SRSGAMER07]

but true

[@quasiosa]

Only your mind will change to be CEO not position actually, but you may become that soon, based on your current position if you continue the mindset.

[@manjeetmondal220]

new ceo in dream world😂😂😂

[@eugenek777]

I'm ready to feel myself as a CEO by spending a night with her

[@jonathand.terrell3419]

This lady is exceptional in communication skills. Love her channel!!

[@sailboatlighthouse]

In my age and not shy from learning the wisdom of this young lady, great job and keep it up

[@andrewdressler6173]

All this stuff sounds great until you actually get into a workplace and realize that everyone is an idiot, and you decide its easier just to join them.

[@extrawhy]

To much truth for one comment.

[@ankurmehrotra6506]

There is a book on communication which is called 'surrounded by idiots'

[@chimmeriri]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@tessa7778]

😂😂

[@astronautonmars]

Faxx 😂😂😂😂

[@SpiritXd5]

We need more people like you on this planet earth...

[@fabricciodominic7473]

with good fronts?

[@HighonInternet]

​@@fabricciodominic7473 😂

[@cybereye911]

Your voice is soo soothing 😢

[@nourhanmegahedmahmoud4252]

I discovered that i do this unintentionally since last year since i started thinking positively about stuff and it really does work magic in perspective not just for people who are around u but for u as well

[@sonalshukla9447]

I feel the vibe from the book: Win friends and Influence People

[@stevenbest6470]

This lady is brilliant. Thanks much for words of wisdom. Best wishes.

[@TV-pe9lk]

and you can also do that to yourself to learn from mistakes. Genius ! Thank you!

[@rohitjagtap14]

I am excessively impressed by your delivery, the way you talk and all your mannerism is something that I admire a lot. Including all the little things you do, like you have a content smile while you talk, and all the hand gestures. Your face radiates positivity and your enthusiasm. That is something I'll like to add in my personality. And, your immense knowledge about the topic, its like icing on the cake.

[@rajneeshpant5284]

Shade I must say you really understand communication so well .. really inspiring ideas & modifications..

[@fabricciodominic7473]

haha

[@vikramtv-insights...8959]

You are a true influencer .... Others are just entertainers ... Respect....👍🙏

[@youthwave]

Your body language reflects color, charm, and shine. Beautiful video. Subscribed.

[@curlsbyalexa]

These very very small details are everything. The world would be a better place if people placed importance on choosing how to think and communicate for the betterment of others and themselves

[@teminoah2960]

Super correct. Constructive criticism fosters team spirit, collaboration which inturn increase performance and productivity

[@SP-Steel]

It's better to tell upfront if something is going to work or not. I don't beat around the bush, and go straight to the point. I appreciate if others do the same to me. Feeling validated is a secondary issue.

[@ShadeZahrai]

Sometimes it's also smart to be tactical to influence. Acknowledging and opinion doesn't mean agreeing to the person's opinion or not being clear. We all prefer to do it our way but that's not always effective. Different tools for different situations.

[@Savageclown2093]

One of my favorite ideas out there, I learned this from a book I read in college last year called - Yes, And. This has such a positive effect..!

[@user-wi6bl4pb3r]

I’m in love with her voice

[@abdullahabbas975]

I find your videos to be very thorough and well versed. Your videos blend human pscychology and work place code very well.

[@phillipsantana2633]

So true it also puts you in team mode as mentioned validate the thought but build on it by substituting and. It's much better.

[@mayurvakare5930]

Honestly, You just talk with my heart💖 Loved your communication skill✨

[@BeeDingaling]

Thank you...just little tips like this can totally change the tone of delivery

[@saianihami]

But to and- negative to positive plus acknowledge their ideas. 👏

[@samuel12345678922]

Where were you 10 years ago... All these teaching are beneficial , God bless you kind heart 💓

[@ohanthemoneydoctor]

From negative to positive 💯

[@TheNetflixNook]

the language we use is one of the easiest ways to create a positive change. even small changes like asking for "assistance" opposed to "help" can have a dramatic impact on the way we think and interact with others.

[@mohammadmehdi2305]

Your conversation shows that your personality is very high. You are such a nice person.

[@oluwasegunphilip5467]

Definitely learned from this🙏🏾 Thank you Ma'am

[@micahdooley2729]

That’s great advice! Thank you. ❤

[@ShadeZahrai]

Glad it was helpful!

[@nayeemakhtar2332]

Yes I agree, and make sure you are learning to make good videos that didn't work last time ❣️

[@DaveSy]

I mean it’s a fundamental improv technique. It could work in many scenarios as long as ‘the reasons it didn’t work last time’ are discussed and something changes (testing a new variable).

[@stefanociamarra2505]

Great tip! we all need more straight forward, more positive and less sugar-coating interactions in our lives!

[@TwbUmayr]

Yes, keep it positive and optimistic to encourage stakeholders towards the problem solving.

[@orolimomov5866]

My mentor used to use it all the time in the class. Even if your understanding is totally incorrect, he would start with " yes, that is right and " tell the correct answer. That makes you fell good.

[@lahongwan4440]

Yes your advice is so true and on point. Some times I fel it only me learning all the nice things from you, and others continue to invalidate me. Thank you Shade for your help thanks you again.👍👍🙏❤️

[@Adeosisamson-ci3pt]

Shade, you're the best. Love your input, always.

[@efhurtado]

This is an excellent example of improving communication skills and, most importantly, how properly recorded sound can make a short video exciting. Good job!

[@rahul-yr]

I am just watching your videos, just because of your facial expressions 😃

[@vivekanandan1882]

Yes, this is what my friends have to see before talking to me.

[@dailydefaults]

Nice! Dale Carnegie taught me this as well

[@larrybird3729]

loving these shorts🎉🎉🎉

[@antararaman3879]

Loved it! perfect use of words

[@shivafoods007]

I believe in straight forward communication

[@micha8255]

I clicked her video once, now I'm seeing suggestions from her all the time "and" I'm not regretting that. Such a nice change after all those almost naked girls from tick tock. Prove that besides having a good look you can also share something useful with people to be noticed 😘

[@kreenpananas]

What I enjoy about this is that it also mirrors that of improv where the one rule is “Yes, and”. Meaning Yes I acknowledge your idea AND I offer this. It’s that brick on brick thinking. I dig it and how it strengthens collaboration and creative ideas. 🎉

[@souhityogupta7704]

Your contents are literally transforming people ... Love and respect to you Ma'am from India

[@alistacks283]

I would be honest and say "Thanks for your suggestion, it shows your dedication. I believe my idea might align better with our objectives. Let's discuss further though"

[@inuwabajoga4376]

Communication is the best way to understand people

[@Mayank81joshi]

Dale Carnegie's lesson 👍

[@pawanbains4787]

That is very good way to exchange words

[@BearerOfLightSonOfGod]

For some bizarre reason I like the way she talks not sure why but I can understand her more that other people.

[@Fairisfairhg]

With your voice that “And” will go along way.

[@everenigmatic5805]

"AND will it work just like last time? AND what have we learned from it?"

[@piyaliwalia2154]

U R Awesome and M really appreciate ur suggestions

[@ShadeZahrai]

So nice of you. Thank you 😊

[@MusicExcellence]

Thank you so much. This is very inspiring 💛🧡💚

[@gladstoneb879]

Yes..communication is key.😊

[@facep4lm755]

She didnt change her answer. She replied yes in the first example and yes in the second. What changed was the wording of her reply so she adds what seems as a suggestion to avoid what happened wrong" last time". Its a very slight change but makes her tone completely different which is why most people in the comments are confused.

[@poorvachauhan]

I saw you and instantly felt connection ❤

[@popcornMD]

You and your voice.......ohhhhh ❤️❤️❤️

[@jancsi-vera]

Thank you. I like this idea - a subtle approach.

[@ngo73221nc]

You have excellent communication skills. My wording are terrible and I’ll use your technique

[@BillJamesWallace]

Great vid! I use AND all the time! (well, maybe not ALL the time) but I do try! It totally opens up the conversation.

[@ammadyousaf7031]

thanks for confirming i am using this tips for last 3 years and i can also agree that it always works no matter where you are whom you were talking it is a nice tip of communication

[@ammadyousaf7031]

I was waiting for this heart emoji notification ❤ Many thanks

[@rezaf7086]

❤that's right Doci Doci❤

[@stevenreynolds6697]

So working together we all win-win

[@JCBurdenLifter]

What an amazing piece of advice! Thank you!

[@anthonyquote1593]

In business things are crystal clear. If someone says such a statment you say "No your idea sucks because last time it costs us a lot" This will help him restructure his thoughts and next time not say an idiot idea.

[@Yogeshjain84]

Ur voice is very nice, so soothing..

[@localppcartist]

Suggestion and ..."Think" to me seems like the key word that the response is free to respond with an opinion( suggestion) It's not a contractual agreement.

[@consciouschirag]

Thank you for sharing such useful content. You add so much value & make it look so easy at the same time. We need more Women Leaders Like Yourself. Such A Role Model. 👏👏👏

[@EMPNETWORKS]

that is genius! great. ya got a sub

[@mostofakamal8981]

Your way of taking is just amazing 😍

[@robbynv9900]

Your advice is so awesome and on point.

[@kittik493]

Right, Thanks Shade

[@abdeliq3972]

Your knowledge is awesome🙏Thank you for this free knowledge you're passing on. I never learned this at school.

[@theamplifiedbustle4251]

I am from India. I have learned alot to this channel.

[@vixenvalenzuela]

You have no idea how many people need to learn this… it’s sad to see out in the real world esp when ppl have low self esteem and they shut down

[@vadym_mysiv]

It’s the first video that popped up and I already love ur language. Wise idea 👑💯

[@ShadeZahrai]

I appreciate that

[@techturnerco]

Amazing Audio Output!

[@pembanurbusherpa6179]

I love your voice 😍💕

[@albert2090]

I second that….

[@crazymaths23]

You are super simple. I like the way you put it.

[@mangosorbet8183]

Great tip. I happen to me and many people I know !! Great tip for the communication

[@ArpitRBesra]

I don't know which is worse. Being straightforward with your rejection or invalidating in an underhanded manner like the one suggested here.

[@ShadeZahrai]

Neither. Just posted this example to help understand the approach: I'll give you 2 examples of replies in the context of how to substitute 'but' with 'and' in the context of collaborating with someone that's disagreeable and has equal or more power - without having to agree. USING BUT "We could re-hire contractor X because they're familiar with our site protocols BUT they're expensive and a little slow. I think we can find better deals." USING AND "We could look at rehiring contractor X since they're already familiar with our work-site, AND just to make sure we're getting good value with timely delivery, let's get a couple of other quotes from reputable contractors who are also familiar with our type of worksites."

[@marytes3758]

Thank you!

[@majidsyed5151]

….and it didn’t work last time … and we can learn from what didn’t work last time Definitely the second approach is setting one self to more positive thinking

[@TheJagadishcherukuri]

Excellent... I am in love with the way you explain complex things in a very simple manner along with an example... keep up the good work

[@KuldipSingh-pw4ec]

Great words and guidelines to succeed.

[@samuelluz9241]

Game changer honestly . thanks for the life hack

[@physician4541]

Most amazing voice tone I’ve heard!

[@PavanAK74]

Thanks ma'am I tried and it really worked in my field keep us enlighten more in supersimple short videos👌👌👌

[@ShadeZahrai]

Most welcome. I'm glad that you're getting value 😊 We also post longer videos that dive deeper into these topics.

[@onelunchman6979]

@@ShadeZahrai r u married?!

[@username774]

Yes I have also heard in a audiobook of how to win friends and influence people

[@kevin___]

A person is not that person's ideas. Even if invalidating an idea, it is not the same as invalidating the person.

[@RM-ci7be]

I say straightforwardly. I don't like buttering things up. It hinders my thinking process