Complex PTSD: 10 Realistic Signs Of Healing

[@cosmolosys]

You can also get emotional flashbacks when everything in life seems great and when everything seems better than ever before, without anything in particular that happened. I had this happen before. It's because there is finally enough space, safety and mental capacity to deal with certain emotions which we didn't have the capacity for before. I just wanted to put that out there because understanding this helps a lot if you can't find any reason for your feelings. 🖤

[@nicholasburch2122]

Wow that explains a lot of what happened 4 hours ago

[@ritacoutinho717]

Beautiful, thank you for sharing! Looks like a very helpful insight that I’ll take with me and try to observe in myself. 🌸

[@claysiecross4952]

Omg because I’m Like I thought I’m healing but here I am flash backing like ever before

[@cosmolosys]

@@claysiecross4952 You are healing 😉💛

[@VivianGray88]

I really like this. I went to a party some time ago, had a great night out then came back home and had a hideous panic attack. I couldn’t t understand why it had happened. I totally unravelled after that. But now some months later, that panic attack was the best thing to ever happen to me because it led me to face a very important truth about myself. Something that years of introspection had prepared me to finally face up to in a way I could effect real change in myself.

[@aliciamg7117]

6:26 "a healed state does not mean your life is suddenly bursting with deep connection but it does likely mean you no longer have to reach and cling to unhealthy dynamics out of desperation" you summed it up perfectly

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

Huh. Never thought of it like that. That helps.

[@dirtycasual3094]

Correct. "I AM DOING THIS" VS "I HAVE TO DO THIS" ❤

[@Jantonov1]

""Thank God. Another broken person. Let's party!" I laughed out loud to that. Boy do I relate.

[@juan_castellanos19]

“And the biggest kind of surprise in my own healing process was recognizing that actual healing was about reclaiming the person I actually am, and no longer being ashamed to show that person to the world.” That quote (and section of the video) hit me especially hard. Thanks for making and posting this video Heidi ❤❤❤

[@treaty8631]

Amen to that😊

[@natural3362]

Doctor Gabor Mate said trauma is a disconnection to yourself.. So after we healed from trauma, we are reclaiming our identities that have been robbed from us

[@dirtycasual3094]

The Id, not "my ego", not "my super-ego". ME, I, MYSELF.

[@mm7846]

Summary of the video: 1. 2:30 Realize not faulted, its developmental trauma 2. 4:20 Seek authentic connection 3. 6:40 Recognize trigger and cope in a healthy way 4. 8:40 Healthy assertiveness more than flight 5. 10:10 Healthy trust of others through discernment and both self regulate 6. 12:00 Mistakes with compassion 7. 14:00 Restored faith in existence of kind, competent adults 8. 16:50 Open to vulnerability 9. 17:40 Recognize your recovery is unique 10. 19:40 Life is made of ebbs and flows

[@diverstalent]

Thank you! Sousan

[@Heyu7her3]

I absolutely don't have faith in humanity & don't think many are competent, guess I ain't ever "healing" 😂

[@CrazyCoon100]

⁠I feel that way sometimes too but think about it as a spiral 🌀 like 3 steps forward 2 steps back and eventually you get over the hump and can start moving more linearly ❤

[@Emily-tb1ud]

“Thank god, another broken person. Let’s go party!” sums up my early to mid 20s 😅

[@Merzui-kg8ds]

And SOOOOOOOOO many of us.

[@athacker49]

Me too

[@treaty8631]

I always wondered why I hung out with the most broken people

[@lotusjewel6219]

Yes. This.😂

[@dirtycasual3094]

I wish I had that. 30's and I've done what I've done more or less alone. Admittedly mostly my own fault. ❤ I'd say just make sure that YOU are the one making your decisions. Not any other force.

[@megansleeman7859]

I have a friend who’s currently battling with CPTSD. She has told me a lot about her story and I can’t tell you how many times I have cried for her. I am so angry at the person who abused her for a year and a half. She did not deserve any of that. So she became a friend for a month or two and then things started moving towards more than friends. She has been vulnerable with me quite a bit and told me a lot about her. Which means a whole lot to me. She told me: “I know you’re not my ex.” “You are a good person, and you won’t use all this as a weapon against me” I told her that I would never do that. At first, I didn’t fully understand how horrible this illness is on someone. She’s told me about how her brain works and how much damage her ex has caused to her body and mind. It’s so sad and I’m so angry. She has pulled away from me which now i understand why. Because I have been doing my own research on this and everything makes sense. I have realized it’s not me. She’s just not healed enough for a relationship yet. She told me that herself. I hope I can continue to reach out to her every once in a while letting her know “I am here, and I am not going anywhere. If you need to talk to someone I am here. Right now, as a friend.” Building trust with a person with this takes time. I am not going to force her to respond because I know she will do it on her own time. I am just wanting to show her that I am here for support. We both want a romantic relationship and we know it will take a while for her to heal. But I want to show her what a good relationship is without all the abuse. I know I can give that to her and I hope she can learn to trust me.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

That's very nice of you. I hope you researched C-PTSD enough. It can give you secondary trauma if the person isn't handling their illness (which is a life long healing journey due to how the brain is deeply wired).

[@kyliepine3713]

Thankyou ❤

[@GoogleUser-xl3vi]

Your compassion and empathy are very rare traits. She's very lucky to have you❤

[@Alieorstaler]

One of the many toxic things we as people with cptsd do is overthinking and all this psychology makes us overthink even when we draw breath thinking "oh god did I do it right?" !!!

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

I stopped caring about tomorrow....

[@philima]

Wow, the "I only trust other people with trauma because they get me and "normal" people make me feel like a freak in comparison" is a huge problem in my life....😢 But still I'm on my healing journey. I'm hopeful it will get better.

[@verlyn2000]

You are just amazing. I just wanted you to know that. I cry watching your videos, because now I know there is a name for how I have been feeling since I was 11… CPTSD. It’s not just my weird personality.

[@jennyfox6667]

I cry too, even if I've already seen it before it can re-hit me. And esp times like now, when I'm in ebb instead of flow

[@Em.powered.woman.speaks]

It's been the longest path. Lonnnnggggg. I got my diagnosis in 2019. It's obvious that i had trauma, I wasn't aware of how deeply ingrained these past experiences were in my body though. Its a long path. Lots of grieving, setting standards and therefore boundaries. I'm beyond to where I'd like to be, but I'm a million miles away from where I was. I'm really thankful for your videos! They help a lot. I struggle in all relationships. Communication is getting better. Step by step I'm unwinding! Great video Heidi!!

[@larsstougaard7097]

Thanks for sharing , I have had bad chronic health problems for 20 years and only 10 month ago I realized I got C-PTSD, so much starts to make sense and falls into place, but I'm aware its a long journey ahead for betterment. Glad to know others on this path too.

[@NB-yu4lj]

That book changed my entire outlook…took a ton of pressure off. Made me realize I’m not crazy or just weak.

[@Just2old4thisshit]

Which book are you referring to? Cptsd or healing the shame?

[@kuibeiguahua]

My inner child just keeeeeps eating omg Which is a huge step up from binging drugs and alcohol Adult self gotta have to love and compassionate me away from the creamy sauce farfalles 😩 Thx as always Priebe! You were pivotal in my journey

[@JoeyTheShmo]

Truly such a moving channel, both internally and externally. Life has felt like I’m navigating a pitch black room, arms outstretched and bumping into every piece of furniture possible. This channel shines a very focused light on where I’ve bumped into things before, and allows me to see them in order to avoid them again. Life sucks when you “bump into furniture,” this channel teaches you to give yourself grace for bumping into things and for feeling the pain of it. Even when the light is shined on it May we all learn where our furniture lies. Avoid it the best we can in each moment. And feel/accept the pain of a stubbed toe here and there, knowing we’re learning with each step

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

Well said

[@mvbigmagic4048]

That's such a great analogy! Thank you. :) I can extend the metaphor to stop being angry at people that I bumped into the furniture. I just didn't realize that I could turn on the light. And now I can. But yes, we still occasionally stub our toe, even with the lights on. :)

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

I call it swimming in the dark lolll

[@Ron_Boy]

Heidi, this is the 2nd video of yours I've watched and they are both pure gold. Beside providing guidance through the maze, they offer hope for finding another way of being. I'll be watching these again. You know, for the reminders. Thanks again for sharing these with us.

[@johannagrace7768]

I have read Pete Walker’s book “Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; from surviving to thriving” seventeen times. It is a very comprehensive resource. Each time I have read it, I have gained something different. The journey to healing is long. It helps to refer regularly to Pete Walker’s ‘map’. Thank you for this video Heidi. You are doing great work! 💕

[@elisabethannwexler4728]

As a survivor of complex childhood developmental trauma who has engaged in different kinds of healing modalities over the years, I can say that your videos are incredibly insightful in both conceptual as well as practical ways. Thank you. The struggles with C-PTSD can often feel overwhelming. Practical guidance, models of how to approach ourselves & lives & most of all feeling compassion for our humanness is greatly needed. I agree that admitting to ourselves when we are facing a difficult time or cycle is really important. Yes, it takes humility to face what we need to face. Bringing even more compassion to ourselves during these times is essential. .

[@larsstougaard7097]

Thank you, I have tried a number of things too, what have benefited you the most , just curious 😊

[@tabithaekeberg6480]

@@larsstougaard7097 The Crappy Childhood Fairy teaches about a writing technique followed by a twenty minute mediation. Using this method has increased my healing by leaps and bounds. She offers a free tutorial on it as you only have to enter your email to receive access. She says the technique is similar to what they use in AA.

[@flamingaish]

6:25 11:32 13:17 16:23 17:05 17:57 19:17 21:40 22:52

[@neant2046]

The “don’t leave me now” part is something that I will steal for myself, as I needed something like this precisely today, and nothing else worked, but this - did. Thank you real much for sharing ❤

[@nigelbaldwin752]

Learning to stay alive and importantly 'accept ' that after feeling good one one minute can follow with feeling sick inside, empty and scarred for no apparent immediate reason and that is ok as the reason is the past, plain and simple don't fight it, 'accept.'

[@planetwiggy]

Hello devoted viewers here on Heidi's channel. And thank you Heidi for your incredibly useful articulation here. This channel has been an absolute life-changing road map for me: ---> Toxic Shame ---> Lying ---> moving towards neutrality and authentic self. I am a 55 yr old woman with c-ptsd. But how would I even know about the c-ptsd? My whole life I've had such a rich, 3-dimentional inner social life. I was the 'daydreaming' kid. Oh, and it was rich, magical and so completely fulfilling... Fast forward ---> At my age now, I'm beginning to decipher, Hey, where are the ACTUAL friends and people. Lol. With humor and patience, I am untangling the inner and outer social worlds. I am particularly struck by your mention of 'merging fantasy with reality'. This is mind blowing. If you're ever inspired, I'd love to celebrate here on this channel how the human soul has natural escape-'isms' like dissociation, especially how children have "Imaginary Friends". I think all humans have this brilliant capacity and response to trauma. Some more than others. Any thoughts about celebrating those Imaginary Friends who got us through all the hard times?

[@toliveischrist950]

You’re such an eloquent speaker and everything you said truly resonates with me. As a follower of Jesus, there’s little said about this complex trauma healing process amongst other people with my same beliefs. I definitely believe in the power of prayer and God’s healing in my life so I’m going through this journey with him. I’ve come to see the value in this healing journey I’m on with him. God truly is my safe person who loves me unconditionally and and this comforts me because I know I’m not alone. In my humble opinion, if we choose to know and embrace the perfect love God has for each of us, that’s truly healing. “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8.) His love is a balm to our souls.

[@k.upward]

I think the biggest thing I noticed with the last point is that I can actually expend a bit of excess energy during my “good times” in preparation for an upcoming “bad time.” Before I’d be “riding the high” and procrastinating fundamental things that would have helped me weather an upcoming stressful demand. Now I can kind of ebb and flow between them, finding time to enjoy myself during periods of “survival” and finding time to get to work during periods of “thriving”

[@HaileyB85]

I’m also on my second read of Pete Walker’s book, its been 3-4 years since I first read it. I decided to pick it up again a couple of weeks ago, because you’ve mentioned it so frequently in your videos. Another KZbinr references it a lot too. Through this second reading, I’ve seen how far I’ve come these past few years in my healing. I didn’t realize how much my mindset and behaviors have shifted, but it feels great to have these markers and see that healing is actually possible, and actively occurring little by little. It has also driven home some other points that didn’t really click for me on the first read through. When you said something about originally thinking healing would be just a better place to hide, wow. I’d never been able to articulate that thought, but that’s exactly what I thought healing would be. The way you’re able to phrase things really helps me better understand certain concepts, and I’m so thankful to you for putting these videos out. They’ve been a huge help! Right now I’m really focused on developing meaningful friendships with people who are able to understand trauma and who are actively working to heal. My husband doesn’t have a background of trauma or CPTSD, but he works really hard to understand and be a safe person. I’m very grateful for him. However, I haven’t found anyone yet in terms of friendship. I’ve been putting myself out there more, but its similar to dating in some ways. I’ve met up with a few people, but we just didn’t click, and that’s okay. I’m still hopeful that I’ll find meaningful friendship someday. I’ve also been able to let go of friendships that aren’t good for me, so, progress! Thank you again, for all that you do for this community 😊

[@eldonscott9]

Who’s the other KZbinr that mentions Pete’s book?

[@lustertone8587]

I needed this today. I’m doing so much work and researching into my CPTSD and this helps immensely in letting me know that I am on the right track. You are one of my favorite Gurus in my life that is helping me to make the changes that I need to become the best version of myself that I can. Without you and others who are giving so much of yourselves to those of us who are struggling it would be a much harder road to travel. Thank you again from the bottom of my soul!

[@SeekAliveness]

Lol, I like the Heidi as Guru part, she totally is. 😂

[@martywells9961]

As an older man that lived with CPTSD and engaged in a healing process including therapy, trainings, mentoring self help reading and learning and many ups and downs downs I can truly say that there’s many many layers involved. I can do some excellent work and development finding healing and comfort that feels enduring and another opportunity arises for me to discover another layer or aspect that if I grace myself the resources and time I can heal further yet. Thank you for the resource this channel is Heidi you’re a true blessing. May all the people that may benefit discover you and these so accessible teachings you generously provide. Thank you!

[@alt_abz5958]

As someone who has been actively taking time to heal myself and seek out resources, this video was actually a really good benchmark to externally affirm that I have made more progress than I realized. This helps me trust myself more. Thank you for sharing!

[@mindypaine2672]

Thanks, Heidi! All of your videos are incredibly well-planned, well-informed, and beneficial to helping people be more in control of their lives, relieve stress and pain, and be their best self. Hearing you validate our feelings and explain how to move out of negative patterns in invaluable. You're one of the best out there. This thank you and $$ is for all of your videos! So glad you have gone on a journey to understand yourself better and be in a more regulated state so you can enjoy a great life that you're helping all of us work toward.

[@tarocchiintuizioneeintrosp9381]

.

[@LiberatingOurselves]

This is really beautiful and what I’m experiencing….. I was seeking out mentors and they would take advantage of me and I also was wanting to be desired.. now I’m supporting myself and looking for women mentors and healing communities so we can contribute to each others healing journeys…

[@stephanieg4950]

Excellent. This feedback is really huge to shifting from drowning in shame to sun bathing in self love.

[@93parasol]

When it comes to assertiveness the most important thing for me, or the key I needed to have before I could even think about using the key you describe in this video, is that I am even capable to thinking something about someone. I had no idea. When I was younger and someone was mean to me, I didn't think anything. It was completely blank, I truly had nothing to say. It was never only that I was too afraid or to self demeaning to stand up for myself, I had no idea that I could ever think that the person was mean to me to begin with. I didn't know that when someone is mean to me that gives me a feeling (I feel sad or angry) which can lead to a thought (this person was mean to me which is why I'm angry and is is wrong to be mean to me) which can lead to an opinion (I think this person is mean to me/this is a mean person). Only THEN am I able to even comprehend that "standing up for myself" is an option.

[@paintingthesouthwest]

I'm also going through a reread of Pete Walker's book after reading it a few years ago at the advice of my therapist, and I'm so grateful in reading that and watching this video, to have some of the healing benefits already in my life. It took years to admit to myself that things that happened to me were traumatic. Now I don't shame myself so much for the self-soothing I did to survive. Thank you for being vulnerable about your own journey of healing too!

[@ARainbowAfterDark]

Sometimes I find it challenging to see just how much progress I’ve made over the years This really made me realize how far I’ve come, thank you for all you do

[@natural3362]

Feeling all my feelings and realizing I'm real is one way i know I'm healing. I can't feel emotions before because I'm disconnected but now I'm more and more connected to myself. I'm reclaiming myself, the identity that i should be able to show to the world without shame

[@aliciainwonderlandDNR]

This was so incredibly affirming of the work I’ve done thus far. My first happy tears. Thank you.

[@alisayar_]

It took me 5 months to accept that both my parents are narcissists and 9 months to accept that I have CPTSD. I was so hard for me to admit that I was actually abused, even though I was physically abused as well. And I think that if I hadn’t witnessed my parents abuse towards my little brother during these months, I would’ve probably just told myself that i’m exaggerating and gaslight myself. I think that society in a whole just makes it even harder to do so. And even the criteria for diagnosis and the ACE test are pretty invalidating and can make you question yourself

[@PassionateFlower]

Your body knows when it's been abused by someone because you have a feeling of uneasiness around that person that makes you feel unsafe even if everything appears "normal" during your "interaction" with them.

[@w8what575]

I think this is what my son and I are going through now…my family is absolutely horrible to us.,,and we live in a smaller city and have zero connections that we can turn to…

[@stephanieg4950]

Only 9 months? Wow. Took me ..30 plus years!

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

That's for this. It's taking me awhile to come to terms my mom and stepdad are narcs. My son's father is. I can't wrap my mind around my mom being a covert narcissist. Its so hard. I'm almost there I think.

[@moosespeak6140]

Lets admit it's crushing to finally come to the realization that what you thought was completely normal is really fuked up. As a combat veteran it was scary to hear how I'd put fear into people when I came home and would react in the fight mode becuz it was all reaction to feeling unsafe.

[@erichaberman3812]

WOW! I keep being blown away by how well you seem to know my issues and be able to articulate them. I've never heard most of these things and I was raised by and have been working with therapists most of my life. A couple hours with you as my therapist on KZbin is more work, of the right kind, then I've been able to do in decades. It's hard to not be mad at them for not being able to guide me the way you are now. I mention these things to my current therapist and he give me blank stares like I'm bring up something never heard of before and worse he was dismissive.

[@patriciavanwinkle3693]

Seems like you need to change therapist. I go to the center for nonviolence for my therapy. When I bring up things she hasn't heard about - she takes notes & I send her the link to what I was talking about. I can truly say that the center for nonviolence & doing my own research has saved my life. I wish you the best on your healing. It is a struggle, but worth it.

[@erichaberman3812]

@@patriciavanwinkle3693 Yes, I do need to do that. I just get so frustrated that it seems like these PHD therapists don't know even the most basics about trauma and healing from trauma. They all want to do talk therapy because I guess they just want to coast through their sessions just saying, "how did you feel about that?" and doing nothing else. Every once in a while, I'll work with someone who just gets lucky and says the right thing that actually helps me think in the right way, but it's purely luck and not even something they really notice until I point it out.

[@patriciavanwinkle3693]

@@erichaberman3812 By saying " I just get so frustrated that it seems like these PHD therapists don't know even the most basics about trauma and healing from trauma. They all want to do talk therapy because I guess they just want to coast through their sessions just saying" That means you are looking for external answers, while the answers are within. However I do find it helpful to have a good therapist. I am lucky to have a GREAT therapist. I do most of my learning through youtube videos like this. There are some Great videos & some will mislead you - you know (deep inside) what you need. The book that Heidi Priebe suggest - Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker (Audiobook) (FREE) kzbin.info/www/bejne/e2Pcep2watGkerujne . Also Prof. Sam Vaknin is good -> www.youtube.com/@samvaknin

[@Window4503]

@@erichaberman3812I imagine that it’s also frustrating that they aren’t doing research in response to finding out they don’t know about these things. I would think that being aware of relevant research would compel them to look into it instead of just keeping things the same. You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re coaching your therapist all the time.

[@Slipping_thru_the_Seams]

this is pure gold

[@randolphproksch3946]

It’s such a privilege and -- 💃JOY 🕺🏿 -- to be on this journey with you!!

[@sparkstudies1675]

The intro really touched me. I've been fighting myself HARD for weeks trying to read Pete Walker's book on PTSD and the book Healing The Shame That Binds us, only to find myself closing tgen minutes after I started. I would ask myself why I was bothering to read something that wasn't written for me. but for people with actual struggles, actual trauma, actual external problems, whatever. I chalked my own struggles up to being dramatic and flawed and like you mentioned, just incompetent when it came to managing the central aspects of my life. And even though I fought with these ideas on some instinctual level, I just didn't have the strength to fully rise out of them and hold space to even validate myself like having imposter syndrome for trauma. Thank you for at least being an external voice that encouraged me to give it another go. I've fallen so far in resignation from trying to overcome these seemingly inherent and wired flaws in myself that make me 'oh so different', but watching your videos literally gives me hope that one day I will be able to understand and unconditionally love all parts of myself consistently. The clinging out of desperation thing is so familiar to me. Genuinely wondering if not all people did this when growing up at least though? Does everyone just have cptsd? I also really love the eay you said that the self soothing is not just a lack of self control but actually related to being triggered. On a surface level I knew this, but it didn't really dawn on me why things like that happen. "No matter how much healing I've done in my life, I don't want to be believe that I'm above struggling." Was also such a powerful statement. Can definitely relste to apparent periods of progress followed by patches of desperation that sweep me off my feet... 😅

[@anahithovhannisyan8954]

The comment about how there's now a river in the desert hit me really hard. I've been opening up to a few people and now have connections I can rely on that care about me as who I am. This is going to be a little tangential kind of story time, but I was at a party and hit my social limit and went to tell my sisters and friends I was heading out and one of my friends checked the time and was like, yup, that tracks. You're actually a little later than usual. Just being seen like that made me want to cry.

[@Michelle7.17]

Don’t Leave Me Now. I will use this phrase in those tough times

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

I just asked Heather O'Rourke not to leave me...and karra...and Donna and its helping...

[@dirtycasual3094]

Never forget you are you, you, and yourself. Id, ego, super-ego. Me, myself, and I. The person I was, the person I am, and the person I will become. You should always have your own back, so check in with yourself. "How am I? What do I need? What is it I want in order to help me get what it is that I need?"

[@louisemoore5282]

Thank you 😊 I’m currently healing my Complex Trauma and the more I learn the more empowered I feel 🎉 Turns out- I CAN do life 😊

[@thomasbakker1355]

Thank you for sharing your struggles. Thank you for fighting your anxiety and the devastating thoughts and feelings of selfdoubt. Thanx to the people who were able to reach out to you, and set you on this path. Thanx you for this message, as for the many others you sent out so far! As for all you out there, i'm wishing you peace, calm and trust for the path you are on! Pressure makes diamonds

[@Aline7]

Thank you, too

[@johannagrace7768]

@Thomasbakker1355. I do not know you and will never meet you, but I want you to know that your message here has blessed me more than you can ever know. Thank you. I pray that you can see how true it is that ‘the best in life and love and happiness are ahead of you’.

[@saratexas5181]

The way you lay out and frame this subject matter is some of the best teaching I’ve come across (in my life, not just KZbin). Thank you for both seeking out education and telling your story.

[@phild5034]

I’m on the right track! Wow!!! ❤❤❤❤

[@Kaylee_4740]

So glad I watched this. By using these goals post I think I’m about 85% of the way to being healed. I’m 4 years into fortnight therapy and I’ve made a lot of progress on these area. I’m even sitting down at the sewing machine right now making something that I know isn’t going to be perfect, but I also know it’s going to be good enough. I wouldn’t have been able to give myself the grace to try and get something wrong until recently. I am so glad I am free to try, to fail, and to try again 😊

[@lisabracewell9668]

This is so inspiring.. Thank you for sharing your journey. I feel encouraged as Im noticing my healing x

[@drivative]

There's a range of sources I'm going to daily for content, but I only come here when I'm feeling very focused and capable, because I know there's a high chance I'll get something revelatory or highly resonating and there's only so much of that I can cope with. This lesson hit that spot once again. Thank you, Heidi! 😢❤ This reinforces where I'm finally at in my journey. Plus, I'm going to watch it again and pay special attention to the latter parts for focus points for moving forward. I particularly found points 2 and 9 the most affecting. Whilst I'm here, I want to say thanks SO MUCH for essay 21 in 'This Is Me Letting You Go', titled 'Let Me Fall In Love With Your Darkness'. I have read it many times because it sees one of the most shame-filled parts of me and helps me feel normal about it; that is, not have to believe I need to hide it away, but to keep all of myself and my life and seek to thrive even with it. ❤❤

[@paulcatiang]

Dear Heidi, thank you so much for this video. I'm a fan of your work. While watching this video, I had to pause a few times because I found myself going into my head and imagining a fight response-I tend to go that way, after spending childhood and young adulthood in fawn and freeze responses. I don't think I have CPTSD, as my history and symptoms seem to align more with Childhood Emotional Neglect, but the effects are similar in that I have been prone to dysregulation. I'm dysregulated as often now-for comparison, I was dysregulated for months from 2014 to maybe 2021. I managed to mostly resolve my toxic shame some time last year, and that has softened a lot. Now, my struggle is with toxic blame. I am objectively justified in blaming people whose choices made me this way, and it's currently my path of healing. The struggle is that my holding on to blame keeps me from taking responsibility for myself and my suffering now. It's hard when one of my parts is a wounded and tyrannical child seeking revenge, and it's taking a while to shift from blame to accountability. Anyway, I just thought I'd share; knowing you've struggled with CPTSD and have come this far helps me a lot, because you know on that deep level what it's like. Please know that I see you and have much sympathy for our collective suffering. Thank you again for all your work.

[@Frankvilla-worthy]

Wow!,excellent point!!! I have been addicted to shame and I notice my self sabotage is to simple feel the shame.

[@wednesdaysmith922]

Thanks Heidi, 19 years into being diagnosed with PTSD and I always rejected it and felt shame and anger about the diagnosis. It wasn't until I found your videos on C-PTSD recently, that it hit home and all made sense. I already kind of knew some of the steps i would have to take but I couldn't logically understand why before and i felt bad i would even consider cutting family out even if it might only be temporary. Made a big step today in creating separation from the toxic seemingly inescapable cycle. It was rough but i can already feel a huge improvement in well being. It's weird that even though i had to basically cut off some family members and I haven't really made many other significant changes i somehow already feel far less isolated. You are doing a great service. I appreciate you! 💐

[@oghatarana]

Thank you so much! I have finally, after twenty eight years, been able to realize and understand what I’ve been dealing with and face my problems.

[@GoogleUser-xl3vi]

Great explanation of all of it!! Thank you so much for this video! I can absolutely relate to all or almost all of what you have said here. Im grateful there are people out there that help with understanding how developmental trauma can be worked through. I have seen several counselors and also went through a somatic therapy program and you have further clarified things that I have been learning and it's wonderful. Thank you so much!

[@wendy645]

❤ Listening to this list was both encouraging because I recognize some progress in all of these areas, and also comforting and wonderfully reassuring that I'm not the defective one in life, and that I'm not alone in these struggles. Thank you so much!!!

[@yourshade]

I love that you quoted MUNA! I may have to adopt that as a self-compassion mantra too! Thanks for that, Heidi. :)

[@becs_forlife]

Omg! What a great video ❤❤❤ u have reminded me of how far I have come. I honestly still can't see how I will ever create a healthy friendship if my brain is a rotating door of triggers and having to regulate constantly. I love and hate this process at the same time...also I wanted to mention that I read this quote in a book that said:" I understand why I reacted like this to this situation given everything that I have been through." At the time I didn't have neither compassion nor understanding of cptsd so it didn't make sense but now i always go back to that quote to remind me of having compassion, of not judging me for getting triggered but understanding that my life has not been easy and that's ok. Thank u again I will keep this video for future reference 😊

[@bobclarke2242]

Heidi, thank you! This 60 year old appreciates your advice. 🙂

[@kevintheoculus2428]

I think your right....The Psychiatrist I went to said she had never seen someone with such extreme trauma's leading to CPTSD. Most people in an extreme stressful situation may crumble. ... To me, it's a common occurance and almost normal. Perhaps my purpose is to be here with adaptive skills ( Emerg nurse / firefighter ) that can help when most ' cant '. I still have to learn self compassion though... I could use some caring emotion from someone.

[@heidirachaelpieterse5109]

And thabk you for giving me hope!!! I was beggining to think that a happy life wasn't possible for me. But looking at you...hearing how wise you are and how at peace... You've shown me that it is possible. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@brittanyhewittstuffel7154]

Heidi, I have been struggling with something I couldn't put my finger on my entire life. (I thought I was damaged and there was something wrong with me 🙈), and your videos have explained the symptoms of Complex-PTSD/Toxic Shame are the most informative and thorough explanations yet. This is the 3rd video of yours I have watched, and I am looking forward to more in the very near future. I appreciate all the hard work you've put forth to make sure people like me are informed properly. ❤❤❤ Thx, Brit

[@ewetoob100]

Everything resonates. I'm just so grateful that you have this channel, and what you said about having the humility to learn and be taught is very, very beautiful and timely for me. I wish you the best and I'm deeply appreciative of what you give to the world, and to us.

[@marconius2020]

I love all of your videos, Heidi, and this one was one that has given me some encouragement. Even when I feel like I'm barely moving down my own healing path, I'm still making progress no matter how small it is. The fact that you keep posting all the fantastic videos that you do is amazing. I will have to remember to look at myself in the mirror and say, "Don't leave me now" when I'm feeling like a dumpster fire. Thank you so much!

[@Neveko]

I really enjoyed the part about finding humility and allowing yourself to learn the lesson you need in your hard times. When I got laid off, I was desperately trying to find a new job right away. I kept having every door slammed in front of my face. I was desperate and losing sleep. I knew I was good enough for any job I applied for, and all they needed to do was hire me and I'd show them, and they *should* hire me because I'm such a good worker etc, etc. Yet the exact *moment* I let go of feeling like I deserved whatever I asked for, as if being laid off was a mistake on their part and a personal slight against me, and deciding to take the interview as a learning experience I got the job Honestly, being laid off sucked and it *was* wrong that it happened to me, and I *am* a very good worker who could've handled any job I was interviewing for. All of that can be true, but attacking the issue like that instead of sitting with it and accepting the process of getting a new job was exactly the problem I was having.

[@CreativeArtandEnergy]

I’m grateful you are talking openly about these sorts of people that we see ourselves like. I have been coming out this weird stage of guilt for leaving a large friend group and it’s important to talk about these perspective molds that are molded around avoiding people that don’t have attachment difficulties.

[@Silkworth]

This is one of your best psycho information videos. Thank you.

[@lihtan]

I just had a major revelation that I've been failing to effectively meet my healing needs, and it's caused my life to spiral out of control. A big factor of that was being in denial about how severe my symptoms have become.

[@Sariimura]

💥💥💥 your content is on fire!

[@simonwilson7581]

You're such a inspiration for us. Thank you for being you.

[@jm7514]

I interpreted in this, the message that we will never be permanently securely attached- but that we can come close enough, and can use this healed place in us and can relate and respond to the world in the best state we can.

[@maxime.lalisse]

This is exactly what I needed to hear

[@jonxchristopher]

this really helped me identify the ways in which i have incrementally grown, while in the middle of feeling so incredibly shame-bound and worthless. thank you for sharing your wisdom in such a warm and supportive way

[@SuperstarPecanbar]

Deep humility. You said it in a way i could hear.

[@Kikipotamus]

Bingo. I got an emotional flashback and went into fawn response yesterday and today was able to come back with healthy assertiveness. Your videos are always right on time for me.

[@shelleyf7676]

Thank you again for a powerful video. To think through these topics while you share is so grounding. Just as you mentioned being able to restore your hope that there are adults "out there" who are stable and caring by reading self-help books, your videos invite that kind of reclamation for me. You speak on topics that many others address here on YT, but your almost surgically precise presentation combined with the humble anecdotes from your own life are a healing combination for me, and many others, I suspect. Thank you.

[@nopethesesharks]

Your videos are so incredible to me because for the first time I feel truly SEEN, it’s like you crawled inside my head. Thank you. Healing is such hard work, so I do this in small doses - your videos included. It’s truly the power or peer support. Thank you from the bottom of my whole heart.

[@Saavycupcake]

Heidi, you’re awesome. You’re using your recovery and helping others. As I continue my own work I like to do the same and offer hope, without assuming I’m an expert of course. I wish you all love, hope and healing. We can do this. ❤

[@claytonlewis9501]

I love your videos, Heidi. I appreciate your willingness to teach from your experiences how you're able to communicate what you've learned so well. I took notes as I was listening and noticed I am doing well in some of the 10 areas, not so well in others, but also I was able to recognize that I'm aware of the things I struggle with and the work I am doing will lead me to being better in those other areas.

[@greenwave2450]

Trauma has been so debilitating. Almost everyday I hear “they don’t love you” (my family). It’s not just the cruelty that was said to me, it’s the rage and cruelty I expressed thinking it was normal growing up seeing it, being hit with it. Living and learning out the regrets of my behavior is traumatic and regrettable. Deeply regrettable. But she’s right. Embrace the path of consistency and progress. Everyday raising the energy levels. For me it’s thru prayer and meditation. Exercise and eating right and avoiding negativity. Life keep getting better. Some of y’all mentioning a long process being 5 years. That’s nothing. 21 years of trauma + still so far. If it wasn’t for meditation I would be gonzo

[@wednesdaysmith922]

I'm 19 years in since getting a PTSD diagnosis as a child. Always rejected it until I learned about C-PTSD and scapegoating... just started making the initial changes and trying to heal and detach from the toxicity in the last couple weeks... Long road ahead I'm sure but the relief I feel already is definitely worth it. Like getting a new life almost. Seeing a future where I can potentially enjoy my life and not be miserable and lonely until the day I die 😂

[@kimlaura8663]

Loving your book “This Is Me Letting You Go” crying and comforted. Thank you for all your book recommendations (P.Walker the BEST). Discovering myself. Starting to see difference between reality and coping through fantasy which seems so real is harsh. Recognizing my fawning freezing. Hope I can get through this divorce and figure out who I am and what I want and need and learn boundary setting. I cannot Thank You enough! I see tiny improvements. Never knew discernment, co regulation, authentic self, self abandonment,attachment theory. Love your advice, knowledge sharing. Your videos immensely inspire me. Love your statement “not above struggling” OMG THANK YOU

[@SparklyPsychic]

Thank you ❤ I am on the healing journey but I just had a situation that triggered me and I felt so anxious and crazy, I felt like my healing wasn't working but knowing that it is normal to still have bad days on this journey feels nice

[@elmaymoona]

You were a catalyst in my journey ❤

[@andaiosif4047]

Peter Walker's book on healing CPTSD is so transformative indeed. Very powerful tool for healing. I'm always recommending it too.Thank you for the video!

[@mvbigmagic4048]

This is true. It's weird. Since I went no-contact, I am remembering all sorts of incidences that I had forgotten. Like I dug up some old tax records from 2006-2007 that was proof that my mother was financially abusing me. I had forgotten all about it. But there it was in paper and ink, with my signature on it. :( It was very sobering. How I could just completely forget about that........ because it traumatized me, that my mother could do that to me at a very vulnerable time for me financially. She used me without a care. Now I have kids, and she tried to do it again.... only this time, I went no-contact. I felt guilty about it.... but as my repressed memories keep resurfacing --- like finding those tax records -- I'm able to look back on how she really was never a good parent. And how by having kids, and realizing I could NEVER do the things she did to me..... I had to cut contact to protect myself.

[@DR-vf9tr]

Wow thank you so much for making this video. Helps me be more compassionate to myself and not get too caught up in perfectionism

[@whittlespancakes]

Your videos have brought me so much awareness around the therapies & steps I am taking to change my life from CPTSD (amongst a few other things haha).. You are a beautiful beacon and channel of a human being! Thank you for literally channeling it into KZbin!!! So much understanding and questions answered and addressed. I feel seen. Thank you Heidi 🌸🌺🌷

[@launacasey6513]

I really needed to hear this now. It's reaffirming that I'm making progress - not just spinning my wheels. Thank you.

[@annetallegrand5656]

Yay 🎉I’m well on my way 😢after doing most of this work on my own. And then! Thank you Anne for not giving up on me, and thank you to the Peer Specialist movement for providing me with the tools I needed❤to not lose sight of my why. I am kinda happy I never had any labels, the diagnosis might’ve helped, but I found my way without them.

[@shb2468]

All of your videos blow my mind! Thank you!

[@aaronbrodsky5527]

This is gold. Thank you. I wish others knew more about this disability because it's hard enough trying to live with this, doing it alone or worse with people who don't understand - is painful. I do really like your very non judgemental approach to this though... And for understanding that when we do finally "shift" from outside thinking to inside, its a fragile time. Thank you for what you do

[@johnnyjames9705]

You are the bomb my dear. Just very very informative fron a good destination overall attitude.

[@joshliam1967]

Watching this I'm about halfway through my healing journey, and that's exciting to see! Thanks so much for sharing.

[@Itzyhani]

That you for this video. I feel like I’m right in the beginning of my breakthrough and new exciting journey! I know this because I have so much clarity on things. Also because it’s so damn uncomfortable and overwhelming. My mind will try to keep me stuck in this place forever. Oh if you just stop talking about it, searching for answers and working on yourself then you’ll be more comfortable. I don’t want comfort anymore, I want inner peace, I want confidence, I want to dig in swear and get ugly and fight for me! I have spent years in the trenches fighting wars that were not even mine. I want to fight twice as hard 10 times as long for myself. I don’t need a million friends, a stage, or a spot light…… I just want a few good ppl who love me like I love them. Most importantly I want to improve myself so my son can see a healthier me! I want to learn as much as I can so I can pass it on to him.

[@HannahVanDyke-pv2yd]

I am a therapist and I recommend this book to my clients! So good. Also, you are such a wonderful coach and I recommend your videos to my clients who I am guiding them m attachment trauma.

[@simanthajones]

This was so validating for me. I have done so much work on myself and yet sometimes I still feel completely broken. This was an excellent reminder for me to be kind to myself and honor my progress. Also the concept of "Less than human vs. More than human" from John Bradshaw....wow. I had not had words to describe the back and forth between those states of mind but that is EXACTLY what I struggle with. Happy to find a community where my struggle is understood.

[@danielposavec7215]

Amazing video! Thank you for distilling your knowlewdge for us. 🙏

[@sanjeevbains690]

Developmental trauma - complex trauma Enough healing - good enough connections (small safe tribe) Recognizing age regression & emotional flash backs Fawn to Fight response to assertion Boundaries Discernment of people that can be trusted Self Compassion around mistakes

[@noahspurs125]

Holy ****! 🤯 "Realistic expectations?!?" 🤯🤯 Core shaken. Trying to communicate what I'm thinking, but finding it hard when gripped by "emotion mind". Just recognize this vid is valuable to me. And will be re-watched many, many times. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Heidi. Now let me go splash cold water on my face.

[@danajordan7827]

Is there a link between c-ptsd and self-abandonment? I got diagnosed by an app with “childhood emotional neglect” and never really looked into it…..Now that I found your channel I think I can finally start to heal looking back at my life. Thank you more than words can say.❤️

[@mads597]

This is the most personally relevant, affirming, encouraging, almost eerily resonant video I’ve had the privilege of viewing. You are germinating hope… ❤