Couples Therapy (Showtime) #8 -Therapist Reaction

[@lorraineweinstein1597]

I learn more from this series than from any other. Please keep them coming.

[@rebeccabani7828]

I actually stopped watching couples therapy because Maus attitude annoyed me so much but rewatching thèse épisodes through dr hondas gaze actually gives me a lot more insight into what could be going on behind the scenes. I actually have a lot of sympathy for his situation and commend Annie for being so understanding.

[@bunniewood]

Same. I had to stop watching because I could not stand Maus. What a selfish asshole.

[@codydavis3100]

The one thing that stood out was when Dr Honda said we tend to not agree that we did something wrong in fears of being left but when we do that it does the opposite. From my experience whenever I've admitted to a mistake, even if it was my choice to come forward and apologize, people tend to leave. In a recent therapy session I've come to terms that people don't apologize to me for their behaviors but when I do it gives them more reasons to justify their reasons to cut me out of their life. So maybe Mau has traumas like that.

[@TenTenJ]

@@codydavis3100 the thing that makes them leave is not your apology. I wouldn’t try to guess what it is but it’s not the apology or the admission that’s giving them license to leave.

[@kathyalex778]

Annie and Mau have a mother-son like relationship. It's always a red flag to me when the man looks healthy and well rested in the relationship and the woman looks completely exhausted - that means the husband is not taking care of his wife. Mau is very stubborn, self centered, childlike, and laughs at the idea that he should be considerate of his wife's feelings as her husband. You can tell that the stress of their marriage is weighing her down.

[@nurseman9975]

How lucky for her to have grown up in a healthier environment, this is what can happen when a child is raised in a hellish environment. I feel so sorry for him that he has wasted so many year of his life with such an impact on probably every one of his relationships.

[@nurseman9975]

sorry, type-o, years, it's 545 am here

[@loversrockpaper]

@@nurseman9975 it is the responsibility of we who have been abused, neglected, and traumatized to break the cycle of hurt and heal from our issues. they broke it, we fix it. otherwise we are no better than the ones who traumatized us. you can't make excuses just because you had a bad start.

[@SoulfulVeg]

I have a friend in this kind of relationship. It's so hard to watch. Her daughter noticed how rapidly she's aged. Stress is a killer.

[@TenTenJ]

He probably has no friends or very few well balanced male friends. They would stay the hell away from him.

[@devonmetzger]

I can totally see why some (or a lot) of people are triggered by Mau but I have a slightly different perspective. My husband has a pretty heavy case of CPTSD from an extremely traumatic childhood. His trauma responses manifest very similarly to Mau’s, with a good amount of hypervigilance on top. Also, like Annie and Mau, we were VERY closely bonded almost as soon as we met, being super in tune with each other and finishing each other’s sentences. Ten years (and a lot of therapy) later, my husband’s trauma-related behavior (being dismissive, condescending, etc.) is about 10% of what it was and we have a very happy marriage. He’s kinder than anyone I’ve met. So to me, the greatest sadness is that Mau hasn’t found a therapist that could get him to stick around in the long term. Their relationship is beautiful and he can find healing.

[@Star-dj1kw]

What motivated your husband to be vulnerable?

[@devonmetzger]

@@Star-dj1kw I feel like it was a combination of things… he removed his mother, who was the source of a majority of his trauma, from his life. We found a really great couples therapist and shortly thereafter he found a really great individual therapist. I know it sounds crazy, but he also had a really powerful transformative experience with psilocybin that shifted his perspective. It’s tough to say because he always had kindness and empathy at his core but was SO fearful and hypervigilent that it often overrode all that. It has been a ten year (and counting) process but it’s so very rewarding, I never regret sticking with him.

[@Seeker0fTruth]

@@devonmetzger thank you for sharing that and I’m so happy for you both. It’s really encouraging and gives me hope.

[@setsbylala]

@@devonmetzger psilocybin will do it every time bby!!!

[@lisarodriguez8681]

@@setsbylala not my narc first love who did them religiously… I mean regularly

[@audreyyanez7362]

Can you PLEASE PLEASE make more of these!!!! They are really my favorite and i learn so much .

[@ArynatHome]

I find these videos in particular to be so interesting and insightful. I love hearing your process

[@TrangPhamNguyen]

Yes! Sam, love hearing how Dr. Honda's way of really pinning it to the actual problem and bringing it up to the couple is really a fascinating way of looking at things differently. I'm curious to see how and when Mau will become aware of the impact of how he acts and speaks!

[@elinaholland6435]

I'm starting to wonder if Mau agreed to be on the show (or have their sessions recorded) in hopes of the viewers also "realizing how irrational Annie is"... because he seems so sure he is right I can't imagine he would agree to be on the show if there was even a smidge of a chance he was gonna look like the mean one, idk i just thought about that

[@Jamie-wh3kd]

absolutely.

[@codydavis3100]

Same thing can be said about Annie too right?

[@bellona6356]

@@codydavis3100 no? She doesn't come across as dismissive and arrogant. He does. She is constantly placating him

[@codydavis3100]

@@bellona6356 it's more about being on the show so others can witness what you're seeing. Not saying she has a malicious intent. More of a if others see ot I can be justified/validated.

[@therabbithat]

I think he genuinely thought it might help. What i see in this guy are defenses, not plans of attack

[@Mel-oe3dw]

You are doing a great service to the world Dr. Honda!!!

[@ShireSui]

I literally feel like therapists are like kindergarten teachers that teach kids to speak up about what they want clearly. Please do reactions on season 3!!

[@keegankupcakes827]

I tried to do therapy with my grandmother, but we would get into these huge fights and she would say such hurtful things, and the therapist never intervened. I left me feeling traumatized after every session. (We only did 3) I decided it would probably be better to try a different therapist, however, my grandmother just pulled out all together. I think I would have liked more intervention to prevent things from getting too intense.

[@suelawson7273]

I'm so sorry that you didn't get the therapist you deserve 💐 you are very brave!

[@keegankupcakes827]

@@suelawson7273 thank you! I hope she and I can get back to a different therapist, she seems pretty closed off to it now unfortunately.

[@hi-leehi-lohi-la9276]

@@keegankupcakes827 I’m not a therapist, but maybe you create some space between you two.

[@alexdalton4535]

@@keegankupcakes827 I mean why bother honestly, especially if she doesn't want to

[@Sandy-of6gq]

I hate to say this as I'd like to believe anyone can change but especially with older people after a lifetime of being difficult the chance of finally changing is probably slim to none. Why would they- it has worked for them since forever. I have two elderly family embers like this and after literally years of trying I am at the point of radical acceptance and as much distance as possible to save my own sanity.

[@elinaholland6435]

yesss this is my favorite series!

[@mistym0rning]

Mau is so triggering for me. 😩🤣 He can only ever acknowledge Annie’s side of things or feelings if he immediately follows it up with why she’s wrong or has a “limited perception.” He’s shielding himself from any type of honest self-critique. I can’t believe his wife has been patient with him for so many years. I would’ve gone mad.

[@elleblue]

100% this. He is the most triggering person I've ever seen on reality TV.

[@mpumi6830]

My heart really goes out to Annie. So many years? Was it 23? 4 years into a marriage with someone like Mao and I'm Def starting to lose my mind.

[@hissyfitz7890]

@@mpumi6830 - 4 years? Try 4 months for me; just can’t do NEEDY covered in arrogant gravy.

[@prettywoman853]

I just ended a 1 year relationship with someone like this, and I’m so happy I did. Really!!! No more crap for me. But watching this my stomach drops every time he opens his mouth. I’m very triggered. Annie, my heart goes to you!

[@tvtvtfan3767]

Everything he says to he is describing about himself. He is the one with the limited perspective.

[@marystephens1626]

This is a fantastic contribution to the conversation that the show has created. I do wonder just how one can treat the overt sexism of Mau's disposition? More than just treating the "bad habit" or trauma of his situation, his palpable disdain for women's power is on another level. I think every woman on this tread knows that the moment he stood up and walked around, he was asserting dominance in the room.

[@marias13850]

Lol yup, has to take control of the situation. Such a man 😂😂 😮

[@journeytojoy3443]

Annie: Please don't make a giant summary right now Me: Seriously!

[@kdjourney51]

I learn so much about compassion and compromise when you break these down.

[@AloraCanRead]

YASSSSS! I love this These episodes are like AP Psychology in Seattle.

[@jayjaydubful]

Thanks for acknowledging ther therapist's skill & courage. I was massively impressed by her

[@ArielLVT]

IS IT CHRISTMAS MORNING ALREADY?!?!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE DON'T STOP REVIEWING THIS SHOW!!!!!

[@lisaess6514]

Yes! Couples Therapy gets me excited. I wouldn’t accept Mau though your way of looking at him makes me have a lot more sympathy.

[@teinetoa0416]

Yeah it gives us a different perspective but I’m sure Annie because of this empathy and perspective has kept her in a chokehold for 25 years. She can understand and empathize but being his emotional punching bag must be exhausting. Hope they both find healing.

[@CatsCatsCats-Fish]

I'm really enjoying this coverage! I'm a trauma therapist and I work with adults but appreciate seeing what couples therapy is like (and how trauma pretty much always is the root of a person's/couples issues)

[@silviaespinosa5908]

I am not a therapist and this is my favorite show you are reacting to. Thanks, Dr. Kirk, for changing my life! :)

[@anileda1116]

I found that all the couples on the show were completely fascinating how the therapist changed her approach to them. Hopefully you will get to talk about any of the other couples

[@lavinder11]

I dislike it when therapist interrupt my thoughts so I like this therapist's style.

[@cierra247]

Love this series ! Keep ‘em coming

[@ankedee6578]

Very good Episode! Love it❣️

[@sashs.9988]

Wish Dr.Kirk did these videos more!!!

[@JudgeJeana]

I wonder what made her fall in love with him. He must have had something that spoke to her "inner child" or played into one of her traumas. I would love to hear Dr. Honda's opinion on this.

[@tsca100]

I find him attractive but unfortunately that’s because I am similar in some aspect to him. Probably the extroverted and outgoing nature, he radiates confidence, seems like he know what he talking about. Albeit, the confidence seems like a big show now. He also seems like he can be playful and fun. My husband has some of these traits as well. We have similar childhood experiences. But to my luck my husband is more conscientious and has a different set of values so we make it work.

[@SuperFosterMom]

Well they’ve been married 23 years so since 20.

[@hissyfitz7890]

- As the family fixer; I was drawn to disordered/broken people. Eventually I understood that I can only fix myself. Also recognized my EGO that ended up resenting that I couldn’t fix/actually CHOSE people who did NOT want to accept self responsibility. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@therabbithat]

He seems lovable to me. I hope they can get through this

[@therabbithat]

@@hissyfitz7890 right, i see that intense vulnerability and it means all the other stuff is very forgivable, and he's interested in getting better but his defenses (which allowed him to survive his mother's abuse ) are getting in the way. But to have gone 2 decades without therapy? No way. Therapy on the third date

[@h0a4l]

Love this series

[@sellyons8229]

This is my favorite series on this channel!

[@s.melonita4454]

Yay another Couples therapy video!!!

[@InvisibleBlues]

I am so missing this series today! Had to look them all up. Hope there’s another season of your commentary to accompany this show!

[@Tyda777]

2:50 Dr H You often discredit 'body language expert' saying that there is no scientific evidence to support it. However, Mau getting up means something, his non verbal means something considering the context, his trauma, what he was talking about. It's perhaps regression.

[@Barbara-hw8yg]

Thanks for another great video!!

[@teeandessing12]

Orna (the therapist) also was hesitant to come onto the show and originally was slated to be a consultant. I think you’d really like her 4th Season as they show her during supervision with her mentor along with her participating in a peer advisory group with other therapists.

[@mpumi6830]

There's a lot about this guy that reminds me of my husband. It's genuinely exhausting and like his wife, I'm also constantly lightly suggesting I will leave as it's the only way I can sort of safely communicate any criticism. Even mild criticism. Because communicating about the criticism vulnerable only results in him ignoring it/rejecting it or taking it as an attack.

[@xtinalucia3684]

Yes! Breakfast and Dr Honda 🥞.

[@coleb4991]

This is hard to watch because it seems like everyone is on eggshells with Mau. Its icky the therapist even days she thinks she is sacrificing Annie to keep the peace with Mau. Annie is not revealing all Mau is demanding of her. She is reaching out for validation of this one sided relationship. I wish therapist would prep both parties on how it will work and treat separately. EXCUSE me its not sexisim to not let her drive he is abusive. CALL IT WHAT IT IS. HE IS NOT A LITTLE RIGID. HE IS CONTROLLING AND ANNIES EXPENSE. making light of his behavior is gross.

[@AMn-t6f]

Amen. I think reading “Why Does He Do That” really helped me understand many of these guys are abusive and they prey on people placating to them.

[@eliseadayme7306]

Mau reminds me so much of my ex boyfriend who used to tell me things like “I am not responsible for how I make you feel” and if I ask to go back cz I forgot home “no bcz I never like to go back. If we go back home then we stay”. I am sorry for Annie, but happy for myself cz I got out of that relationship.

[@mpumi6830]

Congratulations. I could just be using my own frame of reference, but I know how hard it can be to leave people like this sometimes. Glad you're happier.

[@eliseadayme7306]

@@mpumi6830 Thank you :). I don't know why I went back to this video today. Maybe it's to find your words of encouragement because to this day, 5 years later, I still blame myself for staying with him for 4 years and enduring the emotional abuse, deprivation and withdrawal. I consider my relationship with him a turning point in my life and there are pieces of myself that are still missing. People with NPD wreck havoc in their victims' lives and then we're left picking up the pieces. Unfortunately, not everybody understands how difficult it all is.

[@fimanu]

I repeat! I've come to realise that I don't support the idea of couple therapy for this type of couple. The wife is not being served by this. I'd tell them that they need to do individual therapy which means the wife will probably get help to make the decision to divorce, and the man will probably do nothing at all. She'll be liberated and he'll still be clueless about his issues but also free to find a new woman to serve him.

[@sashs.9988]

I wish Dr. Kirk continued with the other couples 😢

[@a.k.1190]

I hope you do some of the other couples!!!

[@shatzoren1]

"Is this it" on the shelf, classic.

[@kalihenson6288]

Please do more of this show if you can :)

[@abyo4625]

Hey deserving Dr. Honda :)

[@kea114]

Hey! Any chance you'll be doing any videos from the newest season (season 3) of couples therapy? Would love to hear your thoughts on the dynamics between the couples and the advising sessions between the therapist and other counselors

[@SuperFosterMom]

How has he gotten so far in life operating like this

[@jayjaydubful]

Being very handsome will help

[@lilsilly1994]

@@jayjaydubfulhandsome???!!

[@sammae4254]

​@@lilsilly1994 He may be seen as "conventionally attractive" physically to some ppl, not me tho

[@mrsreis100]

Mind-blowing, Dr!

[@stephanielopez7169]

I wish you would do longer clips and then expand on them. Some of the clips are like 2 seconds with a 8 minute response 😢

[@claranewman63]

These are the best videos you have done so far. Very informative and helpful. Keep them coming!!! The guy is obviously a narcissist and most likely a sociopath.

[@realhouseknives5095]

ur lighting looks really good!

[@wanguikariuki7673]

I almost stayed in a relationship like this and in as much as I loved him I had to let him go, it was already wearing me out....

[@managan9955]

You should do season 3 of couples therapy

[@RayReklaw7993]

Please not only do more of these but do get them out quicker. Thank you kind and amazing sir.

[@Reina-mu1bd]

FINALLY!!!!

[@mineliatrujeque9725]

Pleasseee do more couples therapy episodes 💕

[@victoriabanks7701]

Is it just me? Or did the husband’s physical appearance take a dramatic shift?? Haha like is he using hair gel now? 😂

[@internetstrangerperson]

I would love to hear your commentary on the KZbin show Group

[@KuhdelRosario-y1m]

therapy and analysis for Mau, Annie is just a plot driver here. (at least she's driving something)

[@ddwow566]

the therapist needs to let them talk for the show lol

[@Roxisound]

I feel like Mau displays autistic tendancies? It also can create this sense of ‘false justice’ - and means he struggles with social imagination. I wonder with people like these if you offered a categorical lens to them which demonstrated that their experience was different- that brains work differently not ‘wrongly’ that you could at least put in alternate strategies of communication.

[@sammae4254]

I am curious to how Mau would react to the concepts of neurodivergencies and neurodiversity

[@ZephyrsZenZone]

Unfortunately, I see my husband exactly the same as this man here. 😢

[@BlueGreenTea]

I don’t agree with your continued criticism of the therapist in your analysis …it doesn’t feel useful and comes across as self serving…good catch, I see you corrected yourself and gave credit to the therapist, so you have some awareness of this behaviour…having watched a few of these videos now it’s a bit of a pattern for you, I think you’re better than that, you don’t need to adopt that position becuase it doesn’t showcase your skills and focuses on the wrong aspects of learning and the sessions.

[@lanagustafson2905]

I recently found myself walking away from a friend while we were having a discussion about gun rights and gun control. It’s a triggering topic for me and when she didn’t agree with me I just walked away. I later went back and apologized

[@dahlia8027]

This guy is pretty horrible, why is she even staying with him? If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't even bother with couples therapy

[@mistym0rning]

They’ve been together for years (15 or so, I think) so there’s a lot of history and, I suspect, a lot of love and good memories and affection between them that we don’t get to see. Remember, outsiders only ever see glimpses of a couple’s relationship. We never get the full picture. People stay because there’s still enough good stuff to make it worth it to put up with the bad stuff. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@eliseadayme7306]

I understand why you might be thinking this way and I agree with you. She would be much happier if she leaves him. But cycles of abuse are very difficult to break.

[@jenniferh.7219]

Don't they have kids too?

[@tvtvtfan3767]

I hate how condescending he is. The worst part of this guy is not very smart and keeps using these words to make it seem that he smarter than her.

[@Shirley-l1s]

This guy is emotionally abusive. Leave him Annie you will get so much happier!

[@sammymorial1993]

Please do a reaction of Grey's Anatomy - Callie and Arizona couple's therapy session Though it's a fake session, I'm not sure what I feel about that therapist. 😐

[@carmen953]

I hope this dude got help.. some of his behavior is so painfully familiar to me.. so i feel for her

[@Cupofgo]

Mua keeps invalidating her emotional experience. Until he can truly realize and acknowledge that her experience is real, he will not make any progress. I think this therapist is too inexperienced and is struggling to break down his defenses and feel comfortable and aware of his own behaviors.

[@benjamingardner3314]

He can't validate her emotional experience bc he's yet to actually embrace his own. Until he can own his emotions and flaws, he will not stand for anyone else to say they can perceive them. That would be a flaw as well, lack of self perception, and he's most afraid that he is flawed and someone will see it, bc then everything bad that happened when he was a child he deserved. I know this bc I know someone just like this, only they are a little better at it.

[@joklundt]

Can you stop with being the champion for Mau and his bad behavior due to childhood neglect ? Millions have been neglected!!! And when do you become a champion for Annie ? Seems like lots of excuses for Mau ...

[@AvionBlackstone]

Yeeeeah.... but.... he's still a jerk. Doesn't matter why.

[@fortyyearfitness]

DR KIRK PLEASE READ THIS: im amazed at how you turn what annie did into mau being the bad guy...unbelievable. in the situation with the sunglasses, the wife is the one that is acting like a baby because she didn't get her way, and then blaming him..... she was the one who forgot her sunglasses, she is the one with the mistake, and then she inconveniences others because of her mistake, and then when others say no to her demands, she throws a tantrum and says he is a bad person!!!! unbelievable, and you as a therapist agree with her....she is saying, my mommy would never say no to me, why does mau? .... unbelievable..... its amazing how you defend her when you think mau upsets her, but when she upsets mau, you dont say she is in the wrong.... you said "annies of the world will say what's wrong with him" sooooo people that wont do something she wants them to do, it means something is wrong with him???? thats nuts.... saying no to someone does not make you a bad person, come on doc. so its ok that he is inconvenienced and have to drive back home, but its not ok for her to be inconvenienced and go without sunglasses, when it was caused by her!!!!! they are sunglasses, tell annie its not a big deal...not him...why are you asking mau to empathize with annie, why aren't you asking annie to empathize with mau???? why??? annie is throwing a tantrum because she is not getting her way, mau is not throwing a tantrum at all.... you said what mau is saying, and his eye roll is discounting to her, but totally ignore her body language is saying to him, she is discounting him by hold her head in her hands, not looking at him when he talks, or holding her forehead, as if she is disgusted and discounting everything he just said, telling him not to make a giant summery, telling him what to say!!!!!!! that is controlling, but you just skip right over her bad behavior.... ..... but you said nothing about that...wow.... you have severe tunnel vision my friend....why would anyone want to use you as a therapist when you can only see one side?? you are so intent on criticizing mau, you even criticize for standing up!!!! holy crap, if mau criticized annie for standing up, you would say he is controlling, inflexible, but when you do it its ok???? its funny that you go after mau for making his augument to annie saying he thinks that everyone is dumb and that he is smarter than everyone, and then you proceed to then criticize mau and tell him how he is wrong, does that make you think your smarter than everyone, that everyone else is dumb?? no, you are just making your argument, just like mau is..... so why would you do that to him?

[@TrangPhamNguyen]

You seem really triggered, frustrated, and upset from your comment. I did not interpret this video the same way you did. When you wrote "does that make you think your smarter than everyone", I don't think that was Dr. Honda's intentions at all based off of the videos he's been posted. I'm sorry for the feelings that are coming up for you, as it seems like it may have hit something really personal. Wishing you the best, happiness, and healing

[@lavinder11]

Her husband demands obedience under any circumstance. Pretty sure that turning around to get glasses is not a big deal, but maybe it is for entitled people.

[@fortyyearfitness]

@@lavinder11 see how you are, you don’t mind inconveniencing other people for your benefit…. You think people should just do things cause you see them as no big deal, even when they do see them as a big deal…. Wow sounds like you are the one that demands obedience from another person…. “Just do want I want you to do because I have proclaimed it’s not a big deal”…….. wow. I bet you don’t see that in yourself, which is a big problem for those in your life to have to deal with it…. It’s you, and Annie, that demands obedience from other people, and than you get mad at them when they don’t obey…..

[@fortyyearfitness]

@@lavinder11 don’t you see how self centered and narcissistic your statement is…… you have declared going back is no big deal, now, everyone better fall in line with your thinking….. that’s crazy

[@Chromebiscuit]

I'm guessing this is a comment from Mau's KZbin account