CPTSD and Borderline Made Simple

[@XRXONE]

Remember guys, Malfunctioning not broken. We got this

[@clanmacbeth7057]

Scooter1 Yeah um not really..I tried to arm Rob a Gun shop yesterday to shoot up a gang. I was the most polite pathetic embarrassing knife robber ever. Lucky for me I wasn't charged but man looking back I'm wtf I need to control my own mind and I can't.

[@jcrnda]

Remember guys, don't try to fix it.

[@pukasmom]

@@clanmacbeth7057 What?!!

[@vudekcoomzos523]

Scooter1 I prefer to think of it as more as a step in evolution

[@MeganMingler]

Love it 👍

[@bebeezra]

_Our unconscious doesn't care about us being happy or peaceful. Safety is the key word._ God that made so much sense of my behavior patterns. Pre-emptive abandonment to preserve safety has controlled my life.

[@Stillpril]

I have gotten more out of this video than months of therapy that I can no longer afford.

[@marcsteve9786]

stillpril

[@melloyellow5598]

For realz, stillpril.

[@spongebrainsqueezepants7175]

stillpril - I second that.

[@lorrainetaylor8570]

Yes me too!

[@khansherani]

👍👍👍☀️

[@leannejames-lotusenergies]

This clip is the best yet. I've just come from a 4 year relationship, with bipolar, borderline, abused childhood sufferer of sexual abuse, abandonment and divorce, and he had every narcissistic trait I've heard of..... ... I was the compassionate and sympathetic one, giving and helping at every 'flip' yet I still couldn't change the partner. Richard, every point you made was relevant in my partnership with A. I gradually became the sufferer of the PTSD while i was coping with his PTSD. My family and friends were affected, almost losing them all. My teenage daughter tried to take her life as a result of my partner, and as so we now have another sufferer of trauma as an effect of the CPTSD of my partner. I now suffer the triggers and anxiety, even though I'm not with the partner. No one could understand the hypnotic 'scooping out' of my very soul. I could see it happening but I was in that Stockhom syndrome. I was emotionally drugged. I was in a subspace often... .... I'm now in 'no contact' yet i still feel the tug of compassion and still trying to work out how to 'clean up', so to speak..... Thank you for your passion to help and educate us all... Love and light to you Richard

[@marcmoini]

Listen to the old loveline radio shows from 1998-2001 here on youtube and you might realize that there's reasons you got together with someone like A. I worry you're putting your daughter at risk by thinking that it was all from his issues... It sounds like your dad wasn't there for you, probably having many issues similar to A, and now without meaning to, you've recreated the same type of damaging family environment for your daughter... I suggest you look at Pia Mellody's videos on codependence, I hope you can find useful ideas there.

[@strafer8764]

You are good because you were conditioned to be while he was conditioned to be bad. Parents that don’t protect their kids from abuse need to accept some blame to.

[@firebunnii3536]

So well explained, I really relate to this!! 💖

[@ewell4003]

I found out that my emotional dysregulation was learned when I started to get free of it through daily meditation. Realized that I was no longer responding to life in the way I always had through my whole life. I thought it was my character but it turned out to be conditioning. What a rip off! Never mind, got a handle on it now, better late than never. Good luck and good living to all :)

[@Ehuff]

When I learned about narcissism and codependency (I am high on both spectrums, as well as borderline spectrum) it was such a RELIEF! It’s like- oh this isn’t ME. These are trauma responses and really shitty programming from my caretakers trauma and lack of parenting. It’s like at first I had this big bowl of alphabet soup, the letters swirling around. Now that I’m learning about these “disorders” it’s like I have a billboard in black and white, legible writing. Only catch is….. yah gotta be hungry enough to heal and see these traits as your own and 💯 willing to work on changing. Richard is a great teacher and funny AF. Thanks so much!

[@tamiejones8368]

Richard I want to tell you that your theory that CPTSD is curable is true. It can be healed. Keep pushing, your work is so helpful to us trying to regain ourselves after abuse. Thank you for these videos!!!

[@jlnioannou]

Tamie has this happened to you? Have you been cured/healed from CPTSD? I don't know anymore because although I am doing much better it's still a daily struggle for me although I've been in therapy for 8 years. I function much better but it's still a part of my life. So it would give me hope if you tell my you don't have it anymore...

[@Lexilea68]

@@jlnioannou Hi. I find reading Proverbs was a good start for me in all ways of healing. Bless you Juliana. Bless you with peace.

[@jlnioannou]

@@Lexilea68 Thank you! Also reading Psalms is very comforting for me, but I will also start reading Proverbs. Thanks again xxx

[@Lexilea68]

@@jlnioannou Yes! Psalms are beautiful reminders of God's promises. Thank you as well.

[@timefortee]

God can cure anything.

[@JoeMcKenzie888]

Whether I have borderline or not, I´m emotionally disregulated, and DBT skills help me.

[@stuvs830]

Sooo happy to hear you reference Linehan! Yes to neuroplasticity and behavior modification, and No to demonizing persons who've never learned emotional regulation.

[@lilgbgd633]

When the narcissist was still around me when I would hear his ring tones or his text sounds stomach would automatically hurt and my heart would feel like it got shocked.

[@Izabela-ek5nh]

Same...

[@emmajefferies2240]

I like the fact you say malfunctioning not broken 👍

[@jcrnda]

That fixes everything. You can continue abusing people now.

[@laraparks7018]

You have to make a joke of them I draw comics about them and write songs that mock their character It's actually hysterical FYI I am about 2yrs into recovery There is hope

[@lynnhouseholder7708]

@@laraparks7018 how many narcs does it take to change a light bulb? None, because they use gaslighting!

[@LisaS1]

And if you have borderline personality you might not want to marry a narcissist like I did.

[@eleisewaggoner6082]

I did as well 😥 it's a nightmare

[@LisaS1]

I'm sorry for what you been through.

[@NastasyaFilippovna81]

we seem to always wind up in a nightmarish dance with them- don't worry. I have promised myself no more!!

[@LisaS1]

That's a good thing Nastasya!

[@joanbaczek2575]

i see the borderline personality as the good guy out of the cluster b, 1)large amounts of empathy 2)capable of introspect and healing 3) has that wonderful capability of cleaning a room with the narc's ASS. he was drawn to you because of your ability to feel emotions strongly i hope you got him good, you very well may have and dont' even know it. i hope the narc was left feeling like the puss he is

[@hareybut]

I appologise to all persons in my life who I have unknowingly abused and Thank you for posting this so I can watch and understand the complexity of living with other human beings and the results of abuse, the recognition of approaching living abuse, and the attitude and defense tactics I can use, to ward of the abusers.

[@gillianrichards2081]

Raymond Hare llllll

[@Lexilea68]

Blessed are the peacemakers. Bless you.

[@michaeljechon6139]

I've spent years trying to contain my internal emotional firecracker that gets sparked with certain situations. A parent of mine suffers from emotional dis regulation and their former partner was a perfectionist. Growing up with this created a combination that nurtured the borderline traits and cptsd that I now know I suffer from. You're videos have been very helpful and eye opening. 36 years and I can finally start the process of healing. Thank you.

[@RossFamily]

Where have you been all my life, most especially the past 3-4 years?! Listening to your videos is like listening to someone explain me to myself. Every single thing you say in your videos is 100% spot on, especially the advice you give on how to fix it. You my friend, are a God send and I am so soo incredibly thankful that I stumbled across your videos.

[@suzanneslaw2562]

This was absolutely brilliant, Richard. Brilliant! I've been following you for some time once I exited my relationship with a narc, who I feel now is borderline (with actual diagnosis of bipolar) emotionally disregulated. Dealing with CPTSD now, and have a decent handle on it, provided a trigger doesn't surface. You're absolutely right in saying how the happiness is some other reality when one is in the throes of survival. Much gratitude to you. This helped tremendously.

[@GoldenOwlEvents]

Dude. Thank you so much for every damn sentence of what you just said. You eloquently and intelligently smashed together so many schools of thought, study and lived experience (and fantasy / sci-fi references that I love!!) that totally nailed so much of how CPTSD and borderline works, which as someone who's been diagnosed with both I appreciate the hell out of. No mental health practitioner in my entire life (and I've seen everthing: counsellors, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, mental health and well-being officers) has ever shown me a sliver of the understanding that you clearly have for this topic. I too believe that everything that is learned and conditioned can be undone, and that healing is possible. My reading, studies and unpacking of my own trauma and mental processes and emotional dysregulation is new and ongoing, so thank you so much for contributing your video to the global collation of information on this topic. It very much feels that we, the sufferers, are the ones leading the charge and will be the ones who ultimately solve the issues of how to identify, manage and recover from these conditions.

[@pixelobservations]

I was diagnosed with bpd and cptsd around the age of 22 (29 now) and have suffered from my own thought patterns for even longer. Recently I feel like i've made an actual breakthrough, acknowledging my sexual abuse took a weight off my chest I never thought possible. It was the very day I came "out of the closet" about my abuse, that I also started to have a huge shift of perception. My first person I told was my dr and i was met with nothing but kindness and empathy it shook me to my core. This was a dr. I had split on in the past, someone who I hadn't always been the most kind to showing me nothing but compassion and love in a time I needed it most. It shifted everything I saw about the world, no longer do I feel like everyone is out to get me. My first experience I remember in live damaged me in such a way that I expected closed fists for the rest of my life and acted accordingly. I still struggle with managing my emotions, but I have finally been able to see my role in how lacking of empathy and plain cruel I have been to ppl I love in my life, my rage has always been warranted but it's been so misplaced. I apologized to the people in my life who have had to deal with my (my dr. included) and I feel a sense of peace I have never known I'm not fixed but I am far from being lost anymore.

[@strafer8764]

I was wrecked psychology as a kid and now I do it to others. I don’t even realize I do it sometimes. I love people because of the experiences we share or how they make me feel but as soon as those feelings dwindle I’m gone. My sister and mother were wolves. Emasculation, abuse, abandonment, neglect. Threats of murder, murder attempts, physical and verbal abuse towards me since I was around 5. Then for 5 years straight by the time I was a preteen. Ruined. He’s completely right about emotional insecurity. I got engaged and I freaked out. I had panic attacks and nightmares and my fiancé began to disgust me. All I felt was was anxiety, shame and guilt for not being able to reciprocate. I felt like an imposter. I can’t hold a job. I feel fake. I’m almost 40 and I thought I survived but really I’m still that abused, neglected kid. That is my reality. I feel safest alone.

[@Rossie123able]

This is clearly an old video but at 10:03 you discuss emotional dysregulation and overreacting due to insecurity in both conditions. I've struggled to explain these things to clinicians and other professionals for months now and you just did it so casually. I'm glad I found your video Richard.

[@whotelakecity2001]

This material still hasn't made it to textbooks of newly minted clinicians.

[@rebeccaforbesmeditation1999]

This is such great information! In my opinion it's so much more helpful to talk about "emotional disregulation" than borderline or even bipolar. After listening to this, I see that my own emotional disregulation which I was told was bipolar was actually temporary (situational) and the effect of the influence of many months at the hands of a borderline/narcissist who ended up gas lighting me. He literally drew me into his madness and then blamed it on "bipolar". Thank you, Richard. It's a beautiful thing to actually hear someone talk about these things in a way that applies to my situation. You are really helping me make sense of my behavior and the behavior of others. Thank you and please keep the videos coming!

[@mmanda515]

Agreed, whatever the diagnosis, cause, name or level of.... If one is being treated like shit, ignored & their feelings, wants, desires aren't being considered. Getting mocked, insulted, mistreated &/or abused in any way shape or form by those who are supposed to care about you... If boundaries are being crossed, limits are exceeded & there's no accountability or remorse.. High levels of disrespect, a lack of compassion or empathy along with lying, twisting/scheming &/or cheating..... it's like, "Heeeeeere's your sign!". Any of, should be enough to say something isn't right & needs to be addressed.... handled... dealt with. Physical or emotional negligence on any level, an indicator to turn back on those gut instincts you've prob. been ignoring for some time now. ;) What's craziest to me, is that while IN that fog... somehow... someway.... (tho I could notice things instantly about others, always could) ..... wasn't able to see things in my OWN relationship. All the things I excused away, suppressed, ignored, looked the other way about for some reason... made OK because to others, seemed to great... along w/ the spinning, lies by omission, deception.... the confusion.. .all those red flags..... my own instincts..... ALL the things that only once I was out, only once I had clarity.... was I able to see, plain as day, had been there since DAY ONE so many years ago.. How anyone could have that much power over you & your thoughts... perception... reality..... moral compass... still just blows my mind, tbh. Esp. when they weren't even THAT good at it, looking back in hind-sight. Was like some script that kept repeating.... only the players would change! smh... Just SO much time wasted, phew. Anyway.. Be strong, be well, be HAPPY! =) ~Live long(ER) & vape on! www.abillionlives.com #youarebeingLIEDto

[@monizoe3188]

I have had nothing but horrible experiences with therapy and psychiatric "professionals" why don't any of them know how to treat this? I finally (with your help and others like you) have helped MYSELF! Still get flashbacks. But at least the ring tone on my cell doesn't give me panic attacks anymore. All this CAN be healed. It just takes a lot of work all by yourself unfortunately. Keep watching these and read everything you can about this. Love and light to you all

[@frankienuno6574]

Hi, I live in San Francisco CA but I am not English native speaker, so sorry for my grammar. After years of misdiagnosis finally I have been living with C-PTSD all my life. I really want to thank you because is very hard to find information about this topic besides of symptoms. I love the way to approach the Robbin Williams suicide, living in this city everybody was so surprised about his pain, since i am very similar in the way, growing up, none really knew how miserable my childhood was. I am a survivor from many kids of abuse, violence, torture, bullying, cult, kidnapping and natural disaster (Sometimes I am very amazed how the human spirit can survive almost the impossible). Today I am really struggling with many issues result of the trauma but finally from your videos I can understand better myself. Hopefully you can continue with similar topics.

[@1187209]

Having borderline traits does not necessarily put someone within the 'dark triad'. The dark triad personalities are narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy. People diagnosed with borderline personality disorder can however sometimes be co-morbid narcissists as well.

[@1187209]

+RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH No, I don't think that the video says that explicitly, nor is that what you meant to relay, however at approx.10:15 you say, (regarding emotional deregulation) "when I say to you that I think there's some benign borderline traits (because I want to keep you out of the cluster b)" that could be misinterpreted as meaning that if you had malignant borderline traits then you would be included in the dark triad.

[@1187209]

+RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH Yes, sorry you do borderlines in the dark triad from 13:58. "The dark triad, which is narcissism, borderline and psychopathy"

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

Well done you found a mistake in this video when I was clearly stretching for words. I said "borderline" instead of machiavellianism. Once. Internet points to you sir.

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

+Fisqui1 Ok, I was going to drop this but I can see its not going away. Look, If you want to argue a point online, thats great, go ham sandwich on that shizzle, but google check your terms first. Let me clear up the confusion: Im going back to the original post. 1. Machiavellianism is not a "personality" and what is being discussed here is "personality disorders" not personalities. 2. Nor is Machiavellianism a "personality disorder". Machiavelli is the name of an author. Machiavellian is an adjective that means: like the behaviours most famously described in a Novel called "The Prince" by an author called Machiavelli. 3. The Dark Triad is NOT the name of a personality disorder. Nobody has even been diagnosed as "Dark Triad". It is NOT a clinical diagnosis. It can best be described at this time as an "area of interest" in psychology that originally started out with a claim that there is no significant difference between psychopathy and narcissism. 4.Borderline Personality Disorder according to the DSM-5 and to the latest research IS a form of Narcissism and it may even be, according to some but not all researchers, a more emotionally volatile version of what was previously called Covert or Vulnerable Narcissism. When I use the term BPD this is what Im talking about. So the notion that it is harmful or "gives borderlines a bad name" to confuse them with the Dark Triad is false. The Dark Triad is just another name for Cluster B personality disordered people. The very notion of the Dark Triad, in its origins, though it has since been contested, is that the disorders of Cluster B (borderline, histrionic, anti social, narcissism) are interchangeable and should NOT be considered distinct personality disorders. To be clear: if you have borderline personality disorder, you are in the Cluster B spectrum and many researchers will consider you to be in the Dark Triad, Dark Tetrad cluster of a personality disorder. Do not be confused Borderline IS absolutely a form of narcissism and well within the Cluster B and well within the definitions of the Dark Triad. For your consideration: "Dark tetrad Several researchers have suggested expanding the dark triad to contain a fourth dark trait. Everyday sadism, defined as the enjoyment of cruelty, is the most common addition. While sadism is highly correlated with the dark triad, researchers have shown that sadism predicts anti-social behavior beyond the dark triad.[111][112] *Borderline personality disorder* and status-driven risk-taking have also been proposed as additions.[106] Vulnerable dark triad The vulnerable dark triad (VDT) comprises three related and similar constructs: vulnerable narcissism, factor 2 psychopathy, and *borderline personality disorder*. A study found that these three constructs are significantly related to one another, and manifest similar nomological networks. Although the VDT members are related to negative emotionality and antagonistic interpersonal styles, they are also related to introversion and disinhibition.[113]" Both new additions to the research, Dark Tetrad AND Vulnerable Dark Triad, absolutely include borderline personality disorder.

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

+Fisqui1 Yes, and are you aware there is more than just one person on this thread? And the other person has made it clear he does not know the origin?

[@crystalegan8088]

thank you. I have been "diagnosed" as a borderline many years ago & while I was elated to FINALLY have an explanation for how I am.... I soon found that the label itself was a kiss of death. most therapists won't work with borderlines, potential friends and romantic interests write me off as toxic before they even get to know me or worse exploit the dysfunction...etc. etc. So thank you for believing we are not hopeless. I've often thought my experiences were a form of PTSD due to childhood trauma... I KNOW that I react inappropriately to stimuli & have struggled most of my life to try and describe it to people to make them understand that I'm not some evil manipulative person out to do harm to others....I'm protecting myself, but I don't always recognize it's happening or I don't know how to describe it and I don't have the tools to fix it... I need help, not condemnation. So thank you for not casting borderlines aside as hopeless damned people to be shunned. I personally like to view my "disorder" as a gift....I feel LIFE to the extreme and I don't want to give up that part of myself, because not only do I often stare into the bottomless pit of dispair.... I also experience the "manic" joy from beholding the beauty of being ALIVE. It's extreme, but that's me....just wish I could share it all with someone else without wearing them out & making them dysfunctional as well. Again....thank you for holding out hope for us. And thank you for recognizing the psychiatric community RARELY has a functional solution for help. I have spent countless time and money revisiting trauma so the therapist can understand my history....which then triggers me and makes me completely disfunctional and then given ZERO advise on how to cope with what's happening....which sometimes causes me to loss my jobs... which I NEED to have to be able to pay for therapy. For a while I did have some success when I was in a program that centered around CBT & DBT (a lot of difficult brain training) and will continue my quest for answers.

[@galaxywitch1341]

I still can't hear an automatic garage door open without feeling my heart jump into my throat.

[@surgicaltoolboxrnhealthbea3292]

Alisha Hilleary Awwww sorry babe

[@DarlingsDomain]

Same.

[@aymeelemon2816]

Alisha Hilleary i understand....so much.

[@derbykitty666]

I had that same fear as a teenager. It is better now, but 25 yrs has passed.

[@Lexilea68]

Bless you with peace.

[@Empathy_Queen]

Many, many, many thanks for your videos! This is a therapy in itself for me. I have recently broken up with a man diagnosed as having BPD. In the 14 years we were together he systematically destroyed my children and me. Let the healing begin!

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

good description of cptsd kzbin.info/www/bejne/oKPZm2iLeLl5lbM

[@MommyAntifa]

***** I am so, so, sorry. It must just hurt like hell. I have a dear family member who pined away for her husband long after he had finished with her. Don't be her. Ultimately a predator will move on after he has filled his belly. You just won't look appetizing after a while~ especially after your self-worth is damaged. Run if you can.

[@MommyAntifa]

+Zhekarius Good point!

[@KerlyQ79]

You know, I watch your vids for solid advice understanding my wife. However, you always end up making me laugh even though I feel so emotionally exhausted and spent. Not only have you made everything more clear and understandable about what is happening with my situation, you have also provided a spin of humor with your descriptions. I often burst out laughing and that's huge for me right now. For everything you do, and the knowledge you have shared with all of us, I thank you for helping me/us who struggle to understand the mental dynamics of those with these disorders. Cheers!

[@marinasmusings1231]

I've recently experienced being in a relationship with someone who has extreme emotional disregulation and I can honestly say I have never experienced such extreme high's & low's.. and while I have empathy for how confusing and painful it is for him, I have more empathy for myself and that's why I finally broke it off for good. My relationship only lasted 6 months and I feel extremely thankful that I got out when I did.

[@tobinaldridgetattoo9406]

I recently discovered that I am struggling with CPTSD, and have been in counselling for a few months now. Listening to your videos is slowly piecing this puzzle together for me outside of counselling, and I'm finding tools I can use and thought processes that can help me gain some space from my emotional patterns. Thank you so much for your hard work, you are making a huge difference.

[@susanhanifin3397]

Thanks for talking in a way I can understand. I appreciated the F word, cause that's the normal way I talk. It helps me to learn what's going on in my brain.

[@caracopland710]

Emotionally unstable disorder for example not escaping an abusive stepmum. Then subconsciously mimicking the situation with at worst narc men... The creepy foldover. Thanking u Richard for helping me see the truth.

[@KriekWorthy]

my ptsd has definitely resulted in my emotional disregulation and my hostile reactions to my therapists. thank you for explaining this to me, I don't feel so hopeless any more. My anger reactions are frightening because they happen so fast, and they have frightened away two romantic partners. I'm willing to try therapy again but the VA is so, as you put it, dismissive and derogatory of my inability to tolerate opening up to them, I'm going to seek civilian help.

[@maggiemoran6644]

I can not thank you enough for your exact analysis of this condition. I have followed you now for over a year and have progressed tenfold. Especially living in a foreign country and still having to have daily contact with the toxic element, Due to child care issues. Merci for every thing you have kept me grounded!

[@englishBHllywd]

Yeah, my father was once diagnosed with BPD (though he rejected the diagnosis of course), and he had massive drug and alcohol abuse issues on top of that. He was crazy, and I only save that word for him. I ended up with CPTSD from living with him for two years at the end of high school. It kind of wrecked my life plans at the time and I spent the next decade or so figuring out how to reframe life in a way that makes it all okay. I had high hopes and ambitions, and it was hard to wake up in a world where that couldn't be a thing anymore. At least not the way I had always planned and expected it to happen, anyway. It felt like I was in an alternate timeline like in Back to the Future, and I couldn't totally believe that this reality is the same one that I'd been in before it all went down. I'm getting better at making this version of my life fulfilling rather than just protesting it as false. Denial I guess you'd call it eh? Still lost but now I know how to have peaceful moments and hope again, which is nice.

[@englishBHllywd]

Actually MDMA made a huge impact on my anxiety. I was debilitated (almost) and so dissociative that I could barely speak or follow conversations going on around me on a constant basis. Like I was in some kind of trance or behind a thick wall and I couldn't do anything but move my muscles around (and even then, only distantly). It was always that and the fear. I randomly was given some MDMA at a festival that a coworker brought me to, and I faced a few "fun" fears while on it (dancing onstage in front of people, trying to sit in a hammock without falling out lol) and after that weekend my anxiety and other symptoms had decreased by at least 25% and it only got better from there. I started doing affirmations, meditations and other techniques which helped me the rest of the way. Dietary changes and also moving back home to face my actual family once again helped me get my head on straight even more. I figured out specifics of why I was traumatized with videos like these and have done a ton of work trying to recover. I'm not perfect but I'm more human than I was before. I'm even able to conceptualize myself in relationships again, which is great. Until now, I barely knew who I was, which makes it hard to try to be present in any sort of relationship. Now, I'm still learning again who I am but I've learned to diminish the low-level anxiety that was blocking me from relaxing into myself and it gets better every day. The MDMA was the start of the journey, in fall of 2015. I can't believe it has taken this long to get to where I am now, but I always think of how terrible it could be if I'd stayed in the hell from before and I don't mind the baby steps.

[@englishBHllywd]

Oh! And over this most recent summer I unlocked the "have a dream that's actually enjoyable" achievement and I was so thrilled. Growing up, I always had fun flying dreams and such and I never wanted to wake up bc my dreamlife was so vivid and rich. Then I started just dreaming about everyone hating me or hostile arguments, chase dreams or somebody attacking me. And I also was having issues where I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was terror-stricken that I would die in my sleep, and I would lie in bed awake trying to reconcile my beliefs about an afterlife and terror of trying to imagine what death would be like because I was certain it was about to happen. I've gotten over that too, which is a blessing. I've gone from that noise to a relatively peaceful existence, despite still having some confusion about where I stand on things. Basically, I do totally believe in a cure. Absolutely.

[@elletuppen4844]

This is probs years old but omg Richard this is SOLID stuff. Thank you for being real and keeping that humour rolling. Your care and compassion - simply amazing.

[@Corbyloc]

This is utterly, completely brilliant. Thank you. You have explained the horror that I have lived, both the trauma and the resulting emotional dysregulation, depression, borderline symptoms. You've made it crystal clear. My abuser was stealth; he was Mr. Wonderful who doted on me, yet never kept his word, lied, crazy making conversations....the whole deal. So I lost my mind, alienated my children because of my meltdowns and he is blameless...30 years of marriage. Anyway, if you ever need an example for a book to illustrate how this happens, I'm your person. Add cognitive dissonance to these discussions. Maybe you have; I've just found you. He was so good to me...doted on me, but he lied, betrayed, on an on ...I lost my mind. I don't know how I'll get healthy.

[@amandahamilton5262]

I think this is the most thorough and helpful description of cPTSD that I've found so far. Really grateful for this post.

[@nekofox4986]

I've found your videos recently and I don't normally comment places, but I had to say I absolutely love your videos! It's been easier to accept these kinds of things when you talk so openly and informatively in a way that's easier to understand and engaging. I feel really woke to myself and others around me going through heavy shit, Thank you 💖

[@gingerztube]

Thank you for posting these videos. You've helped me a LOT!!! I grew up in an extremely violent home with a rage-aholic father. I felt like I could never do anything "right" for him. The rules always changed which was insane to try to understand as a kid & teen. I lived in fear of him killing me for years. Am now 52 & never been married & honestly don't ever plan to do so. Have done tons of therapy in the last 20 years and am doing much better psychologically . Now I'm dealing with healing a health issue that I feel is a direct result of the crappy thinking & stress I inherited from my parents. Signed up for counseling with you but never heard back.

[@extradimension7356]

Thanks for that ! :-) I have been trying to figure out my late father for years... He had for sure PTSD but the fact that you made clear that it can manifest itself as BPD makes perfect sense especially with regard to his behaviors. He was a pretty serious alcoholic too... BUT he also worked very intensively with horses to a high level and that seemed to be the one thing that made him sane and happy... Funny too that the horses make me sane and happy too even though I have had CPTSD. BTW your videos have helped me a lot over the past year and now I can actually say that I feel well and happy and well adjusted inside and out. I have also transitioned from divorcing a sociopath (married for twenty years) then had a girlfriend for a year that was a card carrying narcissist and now I have graduated to going out and having a serious relationship with a truly wonderful being (that might have mild emotional dis-regulation) but she won't stomp my soul into the ground or drive me completely crazy... I don't get dis-regulated or sucked in either as a "people pleaser" either, so it seems I have good and stable emotional boundaries these days. I am very happy and very lucky.. Still much to wade through but things are WAY better! Keep up the good work...!!! BTW I think there are a lot of equine programs in the US for VETS with PTSD springing up... I think the horses MUST be good for the HPA axis :-) Why? I couldn't say but maybe the basic and raw emotional character of these animals is easier and much more honest to trust and respect from someone that has PTSD. They are very emotional creatures but are not capable of high degrees of deception. Maybe it helps rebuild emotional trust from square one in a very basic and fundamental way and yet does not cross any emotional boundaries that a PTSD sufferer might be uncomfortable with.

[@wadiquelt]

EXTRA DIMENSION Completely agree about horses. They are immediate, in the moment. Deeply healing to be around, in part because you have to remain in the present because things can change in a blink. I was walking through a field once and saw a group of five horses. I stood there for about 20 minutes, looking at the sunset and willing the group to come over to me (big field). They finally walked over and the dominant mare then rested her mouth on top of my head for about 10/15 seconds. Very weird and amusing. Had never understood why (it happened six years ago) until last week, when a massage therapist who works with horses, said that that was the mare closing the crown chakra, which can be blown open by intense shock apparently. I had indeed experienced a most profound and unexpected shock in the preceding weeks. This pregnant mare then sort of offered herself to me by standing alongside me. I visited the field after that many times before I had to move away from the area a couple of months later and on getting chatting with the owner, who I bumped into several times over the weeks, he told me the horses' name was Angel. Sort of fitting eh. Amazing the provision sometimes in our darkest moments. :-)

[@jelkel25]

wadiquelt That was a really nice thing to read, thank you for sharing!

[@jewill60]

"a card carrying narcissist"........made me laugh out loud!!! Having just come out of a marriage with one, I really appreciated that term!!!

[@wildfire8737]

Thank you for this awesome video and channel, I'm extremely grateful that I found it to aid in my research for my daughter. Stumbled upon something when she was much younger and want to share this concept please. Being an animal scientists, I was working with our family canine using dog psychology behavioral method of calm-assertiveness claiming the opened door, which means that even when door is open the dog doesn't bolt out of it but rather stay on the same page with me in an energy connection sense. Along came my little toddler daughter and I instinctively applied this same method as she approached the door and received an immediate response of compliance by child and the canine fell in together and displayed no objection to allow me as their pack leader in a way of speaking. Hopefully this may help others as I'd be honored that it will. Much Love to All ♡ Sincerely appreciate this format on the topic and awesome work 👍👍👍😀

[@sevennine9142]

Dear God you have just described my earliest nightmare that has always stuck with me when you talked about the torturing scene. Must have been like 3 yrs old man. Thank you so much for the insight man. Thank you for describing it as at malfunctioning and not broken. It's the truth.

[@theprevailingorthodoxy7417]

Really interesting video. The idea that there is a part of me willingly giving myself nightmares every night (then having me obsess over someone and be miserable for the first half of the day every day) in order to PROTECT me on a survival level, definitely gave me some compassion. How to soothe or 'build a relationship' as you say with that process is key. I have practiced meditation and made some inroads but traction is hard. It seems I'm constantly swimming upstream against my own biological process and constantly evolving destructive thoughts. It's knowing the difference between my genuine pain and when I'm torturing myself that I feel I most struggle with. Sometimes I will embrace pain and afterwards it will feel good. Other times I think I'm 'embracing pain' (allowing feelings etc.) when really I'm torturing myself. Hard to know the difference.

[@firewaterbydesign]

CPTSD survivor.....still a long ways to go! I too refuse to believe that I just have to live with it. There is always a way. That way might not be over or under, sometimes you just have to work through it and that is why I am here!

[@gwydionskinner8870]

Thanks mate for your free video for everyone to learn and share. Coming out of a relationship, and working on piecing myself back together this has been exceptionally enlightening and calming.

[@minalightdarkshadowwalker1484]

I have a friend who cannot eat spaghetti because it makes her sad. Her mother was very abusive (tried to set her on fire twice) and her mother made spaghetti all the time.

[@christianeherz2438]

I hate spaghetti - for the same reason.....I have a desire to kill the spaghettimanufacturer so hatefull I am about spaghetti......ist no Food to me.

[@cubanita365]

I used to have a huge aversion to the beach because any time we would go my mother would always be in a horrible mood and start big fights with me or my dad for no reason, and would be extra emotionally abusive. I've gotten over it for the most part, but sometimes while getting ready for the beach I do get a bit anxious.

[@reneeleighkaraoke]

I cant eat it either because it reminds me of my family of origin who are all narcissists

[@clairenj8751]

cubanita365 Me too. My mother used to put me down all the time.

[@lunitee]

They pretty much messed up everything I liked cause I hate everything now.

[@phoenixd9679]

I love you're enthusiastic intelligence Richard !!!! Thank you so much ! I am so happy and lucky to find you and I recommend💜 you to those in need to heal !

[@VR4Hope]

Ha! I can't believe I just ran across your videos. Loved this timeless simple human look at labels, healing, diagnosing... just appreciating how you showed up on this video and looking forward to binge watching some of your other videos. How did I miss you out there. I suppose it's true, when you're ready to grow, the path opens up for you and the information comes when needed. Thank you 🙏

[@robertcrusher1972]

This was really helpful but I'd really love to hear even more clear *differences* laid out, becuase i was diagnosed as both. -After 12 years of thinking i was Borderline then changed to CPTSD, it clarified SO MUCH, and was REALLY helpful, because my mental health was suffering much more when i thought i was BPD ... here's why: i was frantically looking for where i hadn't been accountable, where i was self harming, where i was emotional but not *working hard enough on recovery* finding my failings as a person, i felt like i wasn't ethical enough, (ironically, I was regularly gaslit about being more ethical as a child thru relgious abuse and emotional abuse) and lastely, where had i been manipulative....looking for ways to figure all this out made me sort of recycle the trauma instead of know what to DO with it. Once i found out i was CPTSD, I felt HUGE amounts of relief, mainly because the years of abuse and trauma meant that was WHY i was terrified of my own failures. So, when i thought i was Borderline, i looked at the list of "behaviors" (symptoms) and that meant years of believing i was those things i listed in the DSM4, when many of them didn't exactly fit. So, instead of cutting, i would feel shame and i drank so i was able to be around people and less afriad of them, so, that must have been "the way i self harmed". Instead of "not being accountable" i would feel like i had to "FIND ways to be take many social interaction" whenever they were scary, (and the often were) and "be accountabl". Does this make sense? -The Borderline diagnosis actually made my mental health worse, becuase even tho i knew i was abused in many layers and over many years, it gave me a way to believe and agree with my abusers; that i was inherently flawed (i had been pathologized BY them becuase of how i reacted to their abuse) Anyone else have this happen to them?

[@keke8880]

That must be why I freak out during torture scenes in movies even though I've never been physically "tortured".

[@ianstrange1518]

Richie, from one scoucer to another. You are the best thing i found this year. Your work has helped me and so many others. For that, and them. THANK YOU. From me though, Merry Christmas big fella.

[@kitacald]

Omg, Yes the Trek reference is just completely perfect!! I watched another video of yours where you mentioned 1984 and torture and this scene was the first thing to pop into my head. The movie and television references are so great, I love that you put them in. And your random accents and faces are so entertaining.

[@duffcosmos6458]

Very helpful information in differentiating these differences and sorting this all out. My spouse is so all over the map here, that this really narrowed her down for me. Thank you, this is priceless information.

[@ShronGriffiths]

Love how you explain things in a relatable way. I've been diagnosed with unstable emotional personality traits and probable cyclothymia. I also have Fibromyalgia, which I am told can be the result of trauma.This video made me think about so many things, one in particular in regards to relationships. if a partner threatened to leave me, I would gain their trust again, make them believe that everything was alright, THEN, I would leave THEM ! ~Also I liked how you explained the abandonment thing not being so black and white. A neighbours cat, who visited me everyday, and whom I loved very much, went missing. I was so distraught (understandably) and was so worried about him and wanted him home safely, but it was also about me ' what an earth am I going to do without this cat'. Panic set in ! Luckily for all involved, Charlie was found, and all ended well. Thank you for this video, I will be watching more for sure.......

[@peachypisces7642]

BPD is a personality disorder. Complex-PTSD is trauma that effects personality. It can be emotional abuse, physical abuse or even a manipulative relationship. They are different. I’d say BPD is more extroverted in its nature. People with CPTSD don’t tend to split and engage in risky behaviour the way sufferers of BPD would do.

[@sheilajorstad1870]

I was married to what I believe from your Discription, a Narsasist. I just got out of a relationship, from what you describe as a covert Narcissist. Thank you for helping me see myself as well as what was happening to me. I thought I was going crazy. I'm glad you Offer help for people like myself to get over as you say, Desease. Still searching your videos. Sometimes replaying them So I don't loose focus. Thank you!

[@REZZA2020]

I have been diagnosed with C-PSTD- which reflects my truth and my life experiences over 20 years. included 8 years of institutional childhood sexual abuse beginning at age 2 While Hospitalised- I met a young woman who is Quite BPD.. Our anxieties, symptoms, and states differ vastly. 1. She fears evaluation or negative judgment of others 2. I fear personal harm- from others. 1. She seeks to devalue others and is emotionally Liable 2. I have no desire to hurt anyone or anything- I am a very compassionate human being. 1. She experiences memory issues- Absence of Object Constancy 2. I do not experience memory issues. 1. We both share crippling states of depression 1. She does not experience flashbacks 2. I experience full-scale regression and flashbacks 1. She is pathologically identified with the content of her thought 2. I am not identified with the content of my thoughts

[@charlesbromberick4247]

You´re a real kick, Rich. Enjoyed your presentation and very much appreciated how you weaved in some good perspectives here and there. BPD = unregulated emotions, fear of abandonment and unstable sense of self. Thanks

[@mekman4]

People talk down about religion, but living and working in that community, I've seen genuine continuous unfiltered genuine love, shock and meltdown a narcissist. I think the assault on Christian communities are deliberate and for the sake of protracting this sensitivity and "conditioning" by narcissists for a power grab. What the Chinese called soft power. A head on traditional war would most certainly be a fools errand, but if you take advantage of people's good will and conditioned behavior, you probably could get a foothold into a society you plan to supplant. There's projection, playing the victim and micro-aggressions and co-opting. It's a mind game that should no longer be tolerated. Ironically good genuine love radiating from a large genuinely Christian community could save lives and make life more flexible.

[@mekman4]

Destroying the mentality that germinates narcissism is better than simply bearing with it. One type of narcissism supplants the other. Without love, the smaller bully gets "trumped" by the larger one...

[@keithklassen5320]

Religion certainly can be a force for good, but it's also an exponential force multiplier for abusers. Christianity contains a set of rules that, if you pay attention to it, condemns every single human. Which gives abusers ammunition to condemn anyone they like at will, but it's not just that one person condemning someone, they get to bring the weight of an allegedly omnipotent being into the equation, bringing into question a person's supposed eternal soul. That's way too much power. Christianity gives waaaaay too much power to abusers.

[@pennyjohoc]

I know this will not be read, but it still needs to be put out there. 18 years being raised as a worthless female, going to being married because of pregnancy, alcoholic husband, tried to leave three times, third time judge said she would not grant divorce, I was defeated, I was nothing,I felt nothing. 17 years later, I took in my 86 year old mother, husband left me after 38 years of marriage, lies, and trauma. I just want my brain to stop, it all hurts so bad. If I died today it would be ok. God bless anyone who reads this.

[@mudskipper6702]

I am being helped tremendously by CPT therapy different from CBT therapy for Stockholm Syndrome CPTSD with great success Mudskipper ☯️

[@LearningAmerica]

I do believe you can get out of there. I experienced a full year of total empowerment of myself it felt so nice. Until, I got some shocking news and again, going back to the shithole. I want to be back to that state and I think by learning and understanding what is going on with you is the key. Plus, leaving behind those people that constantly hurt you.

[@RebeccaRaisin21]

Excellent and very entertaining (yet still very informative and well balanced, scientifically sound) message! it's so beneficial to see things that are so stigmatized and shame-inducing discussed in a honest and relaxed fashion to educate AND comfort both those who suffer directly from these issues or those who seek to understand them better. Thanks so much for your videos! Enormously helpful to me as a survivor who also hopes to ultimarely help set other victims free from the emotional/psychological chains that still hold them in bondage! Happy new year! ☺️

[@chrislaro1396]

As of late for my own personal reasons to change, I've enjoyed the 3 or 4 ppl on utube who valiantly discuss these issues in clear ways. Really like the offerings. I would say that for me and ONLY me, as it's said in every sike office, 'knowing is never enough.' Therefore, now what? For example, I am easily provoked, suffer my own child traumas that play out in adult/work situations and so knowing the problem, force myself to confront the issue, i.e. w/ co-workers I engage them difftly w/out paranoia or self doubt or hostility etc. They have been awesome in bringing to light my 'issues' and so work itself has become a 3-d therapy NOT a theory or concept and I think this is where certain ppl suffering the ailments you all discuss, can get lost. The answers for change are not a book or talk or even as 'feeling.' Best way to adopt a new sense of Self is to follow a simple rule - if more than 3 ppl are telling you the same things, its best to LISTEN to them for they just might 'spake' truth. This depends on ppl, family, co-workers to be honest and for you as well to be honest and not fight change. It is hard to see your flaws in the mirror of others be them as ill as you or for them objectively to tell you, something in YOU is wrong and makes the grp uncomfortable. Again, couch therapy is fine, books are fine but end of day behaviors must change even if the 'mind' still clings to the pain. I agree wholly with the lectures you all display here, all benign info from concerned loving hearts so thank you. To those with ptsd, bpd or npd heed this from a man like - I have been all of that and it you intend to end up alone, bitter and w/out love in your life, continue on ur chosen path and man up with the results. But if you're able to peel back the onion layers in search of truths, STOP. LISTEN. LEARN. EVOLVE. Or as I said, to exist in isolation because others simply cannot tolerate being around you will be ur toxic reality. Tragic and need not be. Peace, love!

[@WalkingbyFaithwGodBibleStudies]

I love that you say people are not set in stone with their "disorder" these things can be healed. I was diagnosed in my early 20s with bipolar. Cured thanks to God. But that's just it. People are not stuck. Its not "that's just the way I am" crap. People change. They have to want to change.

[@yahislove1891]

Very interesting April. I agree, people are not set in stone. People do change especially when they have a sincere relationship with the creator. Father will not have us experience various life issues for naught. He will not give us more than we can handle. After all, how are we to judge peoples and nations(humanity) without experiencing the things that we will judge. God is extremely attentive to accuracy and detail with mercy and compassion.

[@WalkingbyFaithwGodBibleStudies]

yep we gotta walk in another's shoes cause i mean we have not lived what they have. My personal experience God healed me. Maybe other people can heal with out him but it worked for me. :) Not sure i agree with him on the Lucifer is not Satan cause in the bible it states Satans many names.. and Lucifer the morning star was once a perfect created one. he still is perfect in every way but the inside of him is not. He wanted to be God. To some he is a god. but he can not be the creator.

[@EyesOpenandDisgusted]

***** God bless you dear sis... God also healed me of alcoholism, 3.5 yrs ago, so I know the power He has... there was nothing I could do about it until I truly laid it at His feet. I also see a comment and wanted you to check out Rev 22:16 16 I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star. I am not entirely sure why there is this thing going around that keeps having lucifer as being called the morning star, when Jesus Himself says He is. lucifer is referred to in Isaiah as the son of the morning. Isaiah 14:12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! What do you think sis? God bless you, with love to you and yours, your brother in Christ, David

[@WalkingbyFaithwGodBibleStudies]

EyesOpenandDisgusted Hey there David! all praise to our Father for you being healed! That is a very tough thing to over come. I have alot of family members that struggled with and still struggle with it. Its hard on them and those around them. so glad you wont let it have a hold on you. so in Rev 22:16 we are in fact talking about Jesus. and Christ was and is a bright morning star. Satan likes to COPY everything Jesus is and try to be like Christ he wanted the Mercy seat and wanted to be judge and jury.. pretty much God he said he would be. Pride is the fall. And yes in Isaiah 14:12 yes he is Lucifer son of the morning.. a bright morning star.. remember he was made the full pattern. Perfect and he was once very good and was demoted.. then sentenced. If you take note there are alot of places he likes to copy God and Jesus. the new age belief as well as the Luciferian religion look at him as the light and a light bringer. when he is full of knowledge of good and evil he is our oppressor and adversary and bad news. So it can be a bit confusing. I had to do a study on that and it becomes more clear the more you look around in the world how things that seem good but are really not. its all about the illusion. Thats satans game. HUGS and blessings to you brother! April

[@EyesOpenandDisgusted]

***** God bless you my dear sis April, and thank you Jesus for another sister in You!! Excellent answer....! There is a lot to talk about, and surely we will again.... it's getting late.... but got a little nugget first.... Check out Luke 8:49-56 Do you see the 5 that went in and then laughed at Jesus? See a picture in that? Now check this out Jesus said.... Fear not, believe only, and she will be made WHOLE.... the time we live in, do not fear, only believe and we, the church body of Christ will be made incorruptible whole.... this was said by Jesus BEFORE he went into the 12 yr olds room (we can say she was a virgin) and said Maid arise. and Jesus also said.... Weep not, she is not dead, but sleepeth those are the dead in Him, they bodies only sleepeth now, but their spirits are with Him. Note, they, Peter James and John, could not speak of it... we could say they were.... speechless. And I guarantee you they were repenting bigtime when Jesus opened up the door with the little girl. Our faith is in Him, like when Peter walked on the water.... Mt 14:28-29 Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto you in the air! and Jesus will say.... Bride come! I can see you got your Sheshach on, and here is a clue..... it has two meanings. www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/hebrew/kjv/sheshak.html "thy fine linen" Who wears fine linen? Jesus wore one piece raiment at the cross, fine linen covered His Body. Jeremiah 51:41 How is thy Body of Christ taken! Hope that was a blessing to you! : ) God bless you sis : ) we are going Home so soon..... your brother in Christ, blessings and \(((HUGS)))/ back!! David

[@ninjatendo8199]

the talk about terrorizing is a big trigger for me.... the FEAR was so strong. took me a while to learn and accept that.

[@RS-nc7rh]

Brilliant. I so needed to hear this today. Thank you. 2 years after a very traumatic relationship with a boarderline narc is over, and the healing has good days and bad days. I still jump when the phone rings (among other bad reactions to benign things like seeing the facebook logo, getting the mail, etc) and I feel so destroyed inside... on such a primal level. I used to be such a normal, down to earth, open and nice person. I guess that's what made me such a tender morsel of a target to that person. Low hanging fruit. I kept thinking my feelings of trauma would get better with time but they haven't. Perhaps it's time to look for some professional help. I need some new tips with maybe cognitive therapy (I used to able to calm myself with kind, self reassurances of realistic perspectives, but it's not working on the physical anxiety very well anymore). I know I'm not alone with this problem. What sort of luck have others had who may have been in this situation?

[@crowcraftwork]

Hi RS. Your message and story is v moving and resonant for me. It's been 16 months for me since a v messy, horrible breakup with someone who was narc/psychopathic and emo abusive. Last year I was diagnosed with C-PTSD as a result of his treatment of me while I was pregnant, when I had a miscarriage (most likely caused by the emo trauma) and then the 6 months or so after that during which he withdraw/abandoned me and was exceptionally cruel - before discarding me entirely and replacing me almost overnight with a 21yo (he's 37). I got to the point of having full-body traumatised anxiety shaking attacks and was in so much emo and psychological pain and disturbance I got signed off work and felt suicidal on a number of occasions. It's taken me two years since the pregnancy (16 months since the break up/10 months of no contact) to make decent headway with the healing. I too have good days and bad but i am like a totally different person this month to how I was a year ago, when I was a v disturbed emotional wreck. I still have nightmares and emo flashbacks but they're lessening. I haven't had another relationship since and know the next one will be a challenge, given that my ability to trust has been shattered, but I am still able to love and know I will have another relationship at some point. I feel like I have walked through the Valley of Death and experienced the darkest night of the soul possible, but I would rather be happy single than unhappy in a dysfunctional relationship. Somehow - through all of that - I have managed to achieve an inner happiness and belief in myself that I've never before experienced in all of my life (I'm 42 now). My experience showed to me that talking therapy doesn't always help as it keeps the nervous system adrenalised and the trauma active, so be careful what professional help you seek or think you might want/need and don't let yourself be palmed off by your doc with some low-rate, inexperienced therapist as it could do more damage. CBT via the NHS was a disaster for me but that may be entirely dependent on the therapist. My CBT therapist wanted to repeatedly re-expose me to the trauma I'd experienced, which I just couldn't handle and didn't agree with. The thing that has helped me the most has been energy healing of different varieties, most notably a session with the psychotherapist Ruthie Smith at Flame, who did a session with me of Advanced Integrative Therapy. Trauma stays in the body and energy field and needs to be cleared to be released (you may also have energetically absorbed some of your ex partner's darkness). After my session with Ruthie I felt radically different - lighter and suddenly capable again of feeling happiness. It felt like I had returned to myself again in a way. It sounds from your message that you are still experiencing physical triggers and reactions which I also had for ages. Trauma and pain is an energy that needs to be moved around and released, so look into different healing modalities - energy stuff as well as bodywork. Somatic Experiencing is also great for trauma. My best friend specialises in working with trauma in the body and she has been helpful to me in my healing. Your whole body needs to be brought into your healing process. Please believe me - you will get there with time but C-PTSD doesn't just disappear by itself, it has to be worked on and transformed. Trust yourself and let yourself be your own guide and that will help you immensely, in terms of physical healing as well as self esteem which is probably damaged atm, as mine had been. Wishing you peace, light and blessings for your journey.. x

[@RS-nc7rh]

Findoza You are a blessing. I am so, so sorry about what you have been through. My heart broke. Thank you for your response... it was very perfect and appreciated. I am 40 now, and really struggling with this phase. I totally agree that talking about it isn't always the answer. I have been, with friends and family, but that's not what I need anymore. I don't need re-exposure... you're right, it only keeps my adrenaline high and I feel like I'm dying sometimes. I have a Reiki 1 certification and I work with my breathing, but what I need is a boost from another person's energy who has it to give and understands I'm not an energy 'vampire'. (I hope!) It's tough to find here in the midwest of America. I think I need to move back east. The ocean has always had such a curative effect on me, and I miss the mountains too. I struggled with the thought that if I did, I was just 'running away', but I don't believe that in my heart. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again, Findoza. Wishing you the best of everything :-) -RS

[@ohnoyce]

Fooled myself into believing I could walk away from a 13 year 'triad' relationship unscathed...that was 26 yrs ago...holygoddamolies! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your Time, Efforts, and Wisdom in getting this info out for info. I intend to share far and wide! Bless You, Friend. _/\_

[@nethe0]

The HPA Axis is the part that was beaten and bullied out of me as a child and the reason I was a target by other pupils in school, yes? I never had a natural ability to react to most things because I wasn't allowed too. So because I had to just "take it," that was my natural response to anything outside the home as well. Have I understood that? :)

[@theprevailingorthodoxy7417]

No you've still got a HPA Axis, everyone does, the point is that it is malfunctioning due to prolonged abuse, e.g. adrenaline being released at the wrong times causing stress responses when there is no actual danger etc.

[@nethe0]

Anton Chargrin I didn;t mean it was literally beaten out of me. :) I mean my body failed to learn how to use the emotions it created because my parents never let me express them. I was being hit sometimes before I knew what was wrong and wasn't allowed to defend myself verbally. So when I met kids in school and they picked on me etc. I never had a learned response so I just took it like my parents taught me I should.

[@theprevailingorthodoxy7417]

Did you ever fight back? Against other kids etc.? I ask because I found my own response was to take abuse until eventually exploding with repressed rage. Over a long time and with great difficulty I have learned to develop the happy medium of assertiveness, and I believe I've trained my HPA axis somewhat (though I still have intensely emotional dreams that affect me for quite a while after I wake up).

[@nethe0]

Anton Chargrin I wasn't completely bullied as there were softer kids there than me but I was more of a target of mild verbal abuse and name calling and never really had an respect from anyone. But it was still more than I should have had to put up with without reacting in a normal manner. I had a couple of fights when I was very young and came off worse so it wasn't something I was going to do very often. That's another reason why it became easier to just take it. And I think if I had told my parents I was fighting they probably would have hit me for that as well. If my father had thought I was going to get into fights and learn how to defend myself then his abuse would have been more difficult. So that is what I learned. I couldn't reply with the verbal abuse ( for the fear of getting hit ) and could only defend my head when my father was trying to beat me. He always used to hit me round the head. The thing now is with being an adult I found out 16 months ago I have a prolactinoma that has been growing for over 20 years so my aggression has still been very low even as an adult. My pituitary gland is the size of a golf ball instead of a pea. And when I confront my parents with anything they blame the treatment I'm on as that is turning me into a normal person with normal reactions to abuse. And watching these videos has made me relaize just how much abuse has been going on even from my mother as well. Although she has hidden it well by pretending to be on my side.

[@aymeelemon2816]

nethe0 yes...thank you so so much

[@tra_vis9626]

this is EXACTLY what I just experienced after 10 year marriage to a covert narc. Diagnosed with CPTSD and interested in the zombie vid. Your vids are gold to me right now. I'm buying your training package!

[@PennyNelson]

Firstly thank you for all your vids. I love watching them. Initially I started watching them because I was sharing a house with a Cluster B with a couple of side orders of stuff that made life interesting to say the least. However the gift of the last 10 months is that it triggered my CPTSD. without bogging everyone down with details is that I have through talking to friends that had CPTSD were in fact traumatised as a child from things that happened to them in hospital or at the hands of doctors as a child. We all exhibit similar symptoms of childhood sexual abuse except there were none. i.e. marriages or relationships to partners with alcohol addictions. When discussing it with a friend who is a psychiatrist also compassionately pointed out - this is not sexual abuse but trauma caused by medical practitioners and of course policies and proceedures where different in the 1970's. It did seem from her response that prior to MRI's anal penetration for suspected ruptured appendix was the standard treatment. But somehow because it was done within the hallowed ground of the medical field it is not abuse just traumatic. There is abandonment stuff because usually the parents were not allowed in with the child at the time of the "diagnostic technique". The child was violated (penetrated" without consent or understanding. I'd be interested in your thoughts on this as I'm feeling possibly hairsplitting and protection of medical practitioners because it seems to me the resulting traits exhibited from the experience are very similar.

[@PennyNelson]

Cheers Watership (btw it was the first 'big book' I ever read - I cried when I finished it - because there was no more..and yes I identified with Fiver...lol) In defense of my friend she runs a very busy practice & has the courtesy to answer me at the end of a long day on the odd occaision when I request her to put her proffessional hat back on. Written words are easily misinterpreted especially after a long day of dealing with her clients. However, it did bring up this question of what defines sexual abuse? From a childs point of view Penetration is Penetration regardless of the context in which is it is experienced. (and regardless of the explanation that is given by the adult to justify it). I suppose for my friend that would be a confronting thought as she was a practicing GP prior to gaining her Psychiatric Degree so she too would have performed the same proceedures at one time no doubt. I am assuming now days with MRI's etc such manual proceedures are quite likely no longer practiced. So, as she specialises in troubled kids it may well be that for the age groups she deals with this has not even come up as an issue. She is actually awesome at what she does & tries to manage all clients without the use of medication. Since posing the question I have sat with the situation of having this double abuse thing one done by the doctors and another on the same night done by guys posing as doctors. Discussed it with my mother whose long term memory is luckily still in tact & made sense of when and how it happened (she went to the canteen in the middle of the night to get a cup of tea). The interesting thing that happened from this re-evaluation of it is that I woke up the next morning and different situations had been reframed in my brain. Situations where my 9 yr old inner Ninja had lashed out and fairly round house kicked someone (metaphorically) when I was triggered & literally woke up with a vastly different understanding of the situation. A more compassionate view of the person (cluster B housemate) who had been attempting to replicate what he believed was friendly behaviour (that he had witnessed my other friends say) & I had just percieved the dissonance between what was going on and slammed him badly for speaking to me disrespectfully. Having said all that & then going through ownership and some guilt for the situation that ended up with me asking him to move out. Understanding and compassion can be a bit of a hook and I have to constantly remind myself that regardless of my part in that one scenario I'm still dealing with a overt Narcissist Cluster B with side orders of Anti Social PD, Abandonment issues & CPTSD who has openly admitted that he has no empathy circuit in his brain at all. So Watership, (such an appropriate name in this scenario) I have to continually remind myself to 'run rabbit run' & not fall back into the forgive and forget scenario I have seen so many others do over the last couple of months. One Narc Supply runs out gets close to spotting his game so he will 'dump them' and he will go back & 'make ammends' with an old one to get his fix. Sitting in a place of infinite compassion for someone who was clearly so damaged as a child & not getting hauled into it is way beyond my scope. Parting note: Interestingly however, that my break through in this process came through another trusted friend who when I whined about being sick of being lied to & deceived all the time by this person pulled me up and said "So what are you lying to yourself about? What self deception are you practicing to have it mirrored to you in such a magnified manner". and it was his relentless challenging me on that point that got to the above truth. I know you have mentioned the quality of questions will reflect the quality of the answers before but maybe that concept needs expanding upon in another video blog because certainly in my case it was the ruthless questions that yielded the results. I was also told by another wise friend never ask a "Why" question. Because all that does is trigger your brain into creating further situations for you to explore why. lol. Far more preferable to ask How do I over come this issue. What is the most appropriate action for me to take ..... you get the point. Anyway, at risk of RSI now and putting you anyone who bothers reading this off to sleep. Pan

[@gregmathews715]

This is one of the best videos you've done, in my opinion

[@gregmathews715]

You are totally accurate

[@McFraneth]

You are priceless! I've got this on in the background while I'm dusting and your Scouse accent saying about the Easter Bunny just made me laugh so much. You're like the yeast that makes eating wholewheat bread bearable: you bring joy to recovery. A wonderful gift. Thanks so much Richard.

[@alyonabelyakova2820]

One of the best videos on KZbin ! Bravo

[@Skyfoxx23]

This video is a real gem 💎! It nailed all the important details, aspects and elements of cpstd and borderline. Bravo 👏. I actually feel helped or at least understood ❤

[@SunlightParadiseGlassArt]

Thank you , it seems I am borderline from a 15 year marriage where I was isolated, controlled and abused from someone with a lack of empathy. He just didn't understand that another being had feelings , it confused him. You can go against the urges to self sabotage relationships after that but where is the understanding of real threat as opposed to over reactive threat triggering , This is the fear for me , that I will think its a trigger when it is a real threat and not understand the difference, then suppress the flight urge and end up unsafe. I'm not sure if this makes sense. Its been eight years and I still can't commit to a partner from fear of this happening. I would really like to change that. Thanks Richard for your videos , they have helped me so much. I totally appreciate it.

[@mlcblogmedia1156]

Back again!! such perfect timing for me!! I thought I could say some things to my son (relationship already badly damaged over a lifetime, only healthy because of him forgiving and wanting a mom). I want to learn to control myself. You offer hope.

[@ryannferriter2559]

i like this it makes a lot sense. the name is very derogatory. im NOT horrible. im a victim without coping skills

[@livelife5947]

Ryann Ferriter No you’ve got coping skills. Seeing everything as black & white, escapism & disassociation is what your brain developed as coping skill at a young age. And they’re not inherently bad, you just need to develop emotional maturity which got inhibited in childhood.

[@loverainthunder]

Another fine vid. Much gratitude. Thank you, and never become one of "them" who would encourage you to stop pushing towards fixing and compassion, sharing relevant information and hope/help. aka stay awesome. We/humankind/earthlings can evolve and do stuff.

[@LeeLightfoot]

This is refreshingly honest Richard. It should help other people to be open.

[@ymdunn]

Being raised in drama, having everything I do or say put under a microscope, not allowed to explore different things in order to discover a talent, (If you don't do it right the first time, don't do it all). I was a scapegoat, and it times, I am frightened of people and have found myself in so many different bully scenarios. I am getting better with it but, I hate that sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut and blurt out at (someone I think is a friend and if someone is clearly being shitty towards me) I need to learn not to react to things, still need much work there. I am good at my job but this stuff has hindered any kind of advancement. My life has been a huge mess. I was married for 25 years and I don't think he was a narcissist, i would scream at our kids and throw temper tantrums. I would try to calmly "discuss things with him" and his first reaction would be screaming. Am I still suffering from that?

[@alohaXamanda]

This and similar videos have been so helpful to me the last few days, as I've been having emotional flashbacks after many weeks of seeming to have made positive progress. It has been happening at work when I don't have the time or space to deal with it properly so I just cry inside and wish I was at home hiding from everything.

[@sandyloucks3665]

WOW! Really impressed with what you are saying. Won't go for help because I hate the label they slap on me. Trying to take care of this alone. So appreciate your compassion with these issues, alsi confurms fears about therapy. Never offered but, no issues with that as I don't trust anyoneband hate discussing my personal affairs Avoid contact with people in general, have not been in a relationship for nearly 30 years, too mind boggling for me. Thanks again🙂

[@musakui]

Thank you so much for your insights. I had already watched this video years ago, but I needed to watch it again in order to keep my abandonment fears at bay and also to remember that I am ok. It appeared in my KZbin feed synchronistically. I really needed to listen to this. Thank you for all you do ❤️.

[@daliwood12]

My God Richard is an amazing teacher

[@guloguloguy]

WOW!!!! Your talks are Always SUPER educational, and I find it fascinating to try to comprehend it all!.....Thank you SO MUCH!!!! Richard. I think that in a great measure, just becoming AWARE of, and "educated about these multi-layered, multi-faceted, complex and sometimes subtle, subconscious, and even powerful conscious behaviors, helps One to start to internally, mentally, consciously understand the predicaments, and circumstances of their lives, and the psycho-social interactions going on around themselves. Observation leads to awareness, education, thoughtfulness/mindfulness, and finally transcendence of some of these surmountable obstacles! (sorry to be so wordy, but); THANKS! again! :D

[@juliehowman3912]

BPD, is a torment that plagues its host, indeed the people around me, will testify I am easy to love but impossible to understand. There are so many acronyms it has become alphabet soup. Yes we can learn to modify or regulate our emotional response but it has to be a cognitive choice we continue to execute. It can become the default setting, but it is never automatic.

[@malabrinetica]

I couldn't describe BPD better, it really feels like a virus on my brain.... so negative and destructive to its host

[@halli7326]

Julie Howman likewise i am the most loveable person I'M TOLD yet i don't feel it YET.

[@pday7051]

Yes! It reminds me so much of addiction. You have to be vigilant every day. One drink can spiral into a 1000. One emotion can spiral into “crazy” mode. You can eliminate alcohol/drugs from your life, but you can’t really eliminate emotions. Imagine giving an alcoholic just a little bit of vodka randomly everyday and expect them to regulate it like a “normal” person.

[@Sweetie310]

But do you guys with BPD pathologically lie???

[@badboymedz]

@@Sweetie310yes they do and impulsively have sex at the drop of a hat with anyone who gives them attention , crave external validation in all forms to the detriment to theyre partner, cycle pathologically through every relationship which just ends the same everytime

[@wenkywoo]

Awesome you nailed it I am not disordered or damaged, my emotional self needs to heal from trauma. I over react, under react, get paranoid get very dark and get high on anxiety. I work at getting balanced. i ask a lot of questions hoping to get beyond survival. Thank you for such clarity and hope.

[@belindalemons6721]

You're wonderful! Thank you for all your guidance and wisdom. You give people hope

[@CRISSGRULLON]

I wish I discovered your content when I was in college. These videos have been extremely helpful for me! Thanks!

[@brianhoffmann2403]

Im glad your here: Im suffering.... Im getting better but plagued with being stuck over n over’ Im being trapped in a fence. I go into the pain body when I was dealing with bullies in high school and before.

[@missindependent5535]

Thank you. I am working very hard to heal and improve my life. Your videos help me greatly.

[@cathymclean8655]

This is great. I think emotional disregulation is a fantastic term. I am now becoming aware of how much cptsd is effecting my life. Just visited my mom, the queen of gas lighting and was able to see clearly the abuse for the first time. I am super sensitive to people who say one thing and do another as a result. I overreact all the time, blood pressure is chronically high. I bet the correlation between cptsd and certain health issues is high. Thanks again for the great info.

[@7hilladelphia]

Awesomely real to me. I understand a whole lot more clearly why I'd go thru all sorts of discombobulation if I get too close or concerned about someone else. Tops stuff, Iove your optimism and wit and also your shout out about Sam Vankin

[@declanwayne2334]

Oh man, I have the EXACT same response when my phone rings; it's why I never make my ringtone songs I like anymore. Also, loved the 'There Will Blood' reference. Daniel Plainview is one of hte best depictions of a Narc in cinema.

[@lehugstar]

Thank you for the video, very helpful to hear. Provides a slight relief from the hopeless feeling.

[@ToonzThatAreKrazy]

Ayahuasca took me from malignant to wanting to get better, I don't hurt people anymore. im 3 years sober and started a business. I am a single mom of three young boys and it saved me.

[@nancybassett7]

You know, I REALLY needed this today! Thank you so very much!! Witty, handsome, neurotic.....how appealing and lovely. Peace in the world today for me to see and hear someone else out there in the world JUST LIKE ME! Thank you!! I feel so good todday now! I was searching frantically how to change my attitude today and came across your video, what a blessing!!! Now I can go off for a while today and enjoy the outside and art and my dog(hopefully, sadly, I have to part with my dog because he triggers me into "events" everyday :( ) But I wil go out and do it! I will watch more of your vids laters!

[@ninjacat508]

Yep. Certain ring tones trigger me as the former toxic abusive partner (with behaviours matching BPD) constantly used text to torture my mind. Even my new ring tones can trigger me now, at times