What to Do When You Think Your Partner is Lying

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There are SOME people, some situations, that shut down your common sense. You can be going along doing pretty well, you’re seeing life clearly, you’re moving forward, your judgment is good. And then that ONE person comes along and it’s like they cast a spell on you. They make you crazy with weird signs that something’s not right. And instead of thinking clearly, your mind stops working, and you go into denial. Now I’m not a therapist, but I’m someone who’s recovered from getting into relationships with someone who was lying to me, and I help other people get clear and get OUT too. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Evangeline, and she writes.
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I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
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[@deez4evs]

As a cptsd-er, it’s a red flag (for me) and uuuuber triggering when I have to fill in someone else’s blanks… we shouldn’t have to figure anything out. We shouldn’t be wracking our brains about someone else’s situation. That’s not our responsibility and that is what activates our trauma responses. And anytime i am triggered multiple times by someone im trying to date (whether it’s bc of me or because of them), that is a huuuuuge indication that that i am either not ready to date at all or I should not be dating that person. You deserve a peaceful and loving environment.

[@savioartwork]

💯% spot on, thx 🙏🏼

[@savioartwork]

I felt a deep energetic release relief and deepening when I read and felt: "We shouldn't be wrecking our brains about someone else's situation." 🙏🏼

[@deez4evs]

@ that’s wonderful! 🙏🏽

[@katfayegarrett3872]

This man sounds a lot like my brother. He was married but couldn't give up the drugs and swx workers. It ruined his life, which he ended up taking last year. I wish this woman the best.❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So sorry.

[@katfayegarrett3872]

​@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you❤

[@ohdear2275]

I'm so sorry for your heartbreak 💔

[@katfayegarrett3872]

@ohdear2275 thank you

[@Eddie_searchingforanswers]

heartbreaking. sorry for your loss. i have been in recovery since 2017. In SA / SLA. active sex addiction was driving me to the edge. it cannot be underestimated. unlike alcohol addiction, the drug is in your head.

[@reginabaldwin7543]

This problem guy turns her reaction into the problem. That is a very pernitious form of manipulation and gaslighting. It's the "you can't handle the truth" defense.

[@mixedlag]

He seems sincere??? In what way? I feel gaslit just from that being said. She's in denial if she thinks he's sincere. You can't be sincere if you're preoccupied with hiding things. And he's obviously hiding something. Once they lie, it's pretty tough to trust them again. There's a quote something like: "I'm not sad that you lied, I'm sad that I can't ever trust you again." It's disgusting to tell someone you lied because you were afraid of their reaction. That's a form of scapegoating. "It's *your* fault that I act this way." Um...*no*. Just no. And at the risk of being politically incorrect (which Idc about lol) a guy who has a past with s3cks workers is a deal breaker for me. Never know what he picked up from that. Number one priority is keeping *myself* safe and that includes in intimate relations, no matter what my feelings are for someone. This is *already* a high stress relationship.

[@kristirose2289]

It’s troubling that he keeps making his behavior about her. I live with a covert narcissist so I know the damage they can do.

[@springBloomsinAwe]

Not great person would say you are the only person who can understand me. That's manipulation. My opinion

[@octoberdawn1087]

Are you reading my mind!?!?! Omg every video this week. Lordy!!! *sneaky behavior* is lying. Thats SUCH a great way of wording it for when folks cant admit lies, they might admit sneaky behavior. Ive already experienced someone fessing up. Ugh its heartbreaking

[@RachelF.Nichols-kl4om]

This man seems to be gaslighting you ❤

[@reettaelina]

And narcissist is like hypnotizer

[@Mallowolf]

Great read as always. I hope Evangeline listens to this. She’s not in a good situation at all.

[@stellarhope6954]

what a nightmare that woman got into

[@querida1809]

Thanks, Anna, She is a bit naive approaching this situation. It was red flag from the start. She and her friend are bounded by childhood traumas. She has known him for 16 years (superficially), but she truly does not know him. As a woman, she put herself in a vulnerable position and disregarded her own boundaries. And she wasn't ready for a relationship with him if you were suspicious of things he was doing. Before moving in with him, she should have had effective communication with him. Sometimes, it's better to remain and stay friends and not be romantic involved with each other. Some people are better off being just friends. This one is a tough one!! I guess she lost not only a friend but also a partner. I wish her the best.

[@stacyjaye6350]

Can't really be friends with someone who is limerint about you.

[@i-use-vim-btw]

Urgh. This triggered me so much. I went through so much lying and hiding for 8 years. Finally seeing reality and so glad she's out of my life...

[@ragga7862]

This topic is so needed! Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@michaelboulos3272]

Moving in both someone after dating for 6 months? Bruh..

[@lilithowl]

She'd already known him for 16 years!

[@querida1809]

​@lilithowl No, she doesn't know him. Familiarity breeds contempt.

[@savioartwork]

In and with which activities people places and things can you truly find yourSelf❓ Which means: - joy - peace - alignment - same intentions - no doubles feelings - no compromise - no danger or overwhelm

[@rockstarofredondo]

This guy is not healthy enough to be in a relationship.

[@ragga7862]

He might be hiding something from his past, OR he might be hiding something current.

[@savioartwork]

When one engages with other people (friendships activities community) and other goals in life as well as spiritual practice and introspection, one can find out it's more fulfilling than the contact/relationship described in this video. or: focus elsewhere & clarity will ensue things that are not a match will fall away Of course you think they're so easily said for me it's also not easy to let go of people places and things that I'm used to that I have an attachment to or that have some positive aspects about them but that are not truly a match. We deserve better and find people Places activities and interests the truly matches and where we don't have to compromise or have double feelings 🙏🏻

[@savioartwork]

Some spelling of mistakes because of Google Voice typing my apologies but I think you guys will get the point

[@sarahh8575]

What if your partner has been in AA for two years and still on first step, and lies about drinking, but promises to quit?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Maybe time for you to go to Al-Anon?

[@sarahh8575]

@ Thanks, Anna, love listening, like a big sister I never had

[@starseed168]

Oh, honey. Been there... turns out, my ex's "AA meeting" nights were actually hanging out at the bar with his old barfly family. I wish he'd been able to tell me he didn't actually want to give up drinking and his drinking buddies; it would have saved us both 12 years of misaligned lifestyles. A big clue? Hearing from another friend whose husband is in AA that there were such things as AA chips and realizing he should have had at least 1 after 5+ years of going to meetings. Focus on yourself and what you need to feel fulfilled, and maybe he'll come along or not, but better than treading water during years you could be building a life in which you thrive. Good luck.

[@sarahh8575]

@@starseed168 misaligned lifestyles, that hits the nail on the head. Chips, interesting, will have to learn about this. I don’t think he wants to quit drinking either, but going through the motions for appearances. He doesn’t go out but drinks at home then stumbles around slurring words and acting stupid while denying the intoxication. At 50 now and perimenopausal with two teens, I am so deeply tired emotionally and physically but looking for some wellspring of inspiration to get out of this situation and on-going crazy making. I guess AA for myself is a first step. Thank you for sharing your wisdom

[@asan1050]

Hey Anna Runkle! Sometimes we need to shop around. Thank you very much!

[@catherinefry49]

What a crock! Two phones?! Red flag 🚩 This relationship sounds far from healthy. 😖

[@BirdmanSR18]

Ask them if they are lying. Don’t make other people suffer from your trust issues. Grow up

[@user-lt3yb4fm6q]

This will not change anything. I asked ny partner, he said no. Later I got proof

[@BirdmanSR18]

Don’t move in together if you’re not married. Follow the commands of God and His Word if you want anything to be successful and peaceful first and foremost.