Why I Quit Therapy

[@HALLTOM]

Speaking as a licensed clinical psychologist, I can attest that you are ahead of the curve and the public service you are providing is a testament to your dedication to help others. Not only am I learning from you, I'm also reminded why I was drawn to my profession in the first place. Thank-you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you -- your comment means a great deal to me, and I'm glad there are people like you out there! I'd very much like to support clinical professionals in serving people with CPTSD. If you have insights about this, I'd love to hear from you: [e-mail]

[@Bhanoo4UTube]

💖

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Do you believe EMDR is a helpful add on to group / coaching like this lady offers

[@NewNew44519]

@@heartspacerelaxations6924 yes.

[@saskiaguy1940]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Respect!

[@lilalienangel]

I think the problem inlies in the fact they open a can of worms yet there is no time to work through it. The worms have no place to go.. 1 hour just doesn't cut it..

[@davidbrown6056]

lilalienangel - so true , in fact that’s the very words I used - if we look at my T’s it’s going to be like opening a can of worms. Therapy seems so limited after 2 + yrs. for me even EMDR had such a bad effect on me. I like what I’m hearing in this video. I’m going to have to think hard about my choices.

[@lunaflamed]

Same.

[@sononi4798]

Yes it's like taking you into the emotional flashback of your trauma and then sending you out the door to face life all raw and ragged and alone.

[@happyd1479]

So true

[@happyd1479]

@@sononi4798 so on point they just dont get it

[@Captain_Pink]

I saw this the other day and thought it was great, and it was a practitioner (could've been a doctor but also could've been a therapist) saying "Don't mistake your 5 hours of google searching for my 4 years of medical school." And the response was "Don't mistake your 3 month class on this for my 20+ years of living with it."

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

BOOM! Yes. Thanks.

[@arfajmind2984]

Don't mistake the 3 months class she/he took with the years or decades of data & research scientists used to reach to their conclusions..

[@ms.anonymousinformer242]

@@arfajmind2984 they don't usually have decades of data.

[@themaggattack]

@@arfajmind2984 Don't mistake medical politics, the textbook industry, and big pharma as the end-all, be-all source of all knowledge.

[@arfajmind2984]

@@themaggattack yup, also.. Keep in mind that one person's -own - experience can have plenty of blindspots & blocks..

[@barbaraa3280]

Mine always said, "you can't keep being angry. You'll never grow." I have a huge right to be angry. I grew a lot when I got away from the vultures described as "family"

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

:)

[@sunnydaye5942]

I looked at family being to ones that will screw you over hardest and farthest. Never understood why people wanted to live near pr have anything to do with their family.... Mine was not good.

[@Moop666]

Wow god therapy is so retarded

[@RealKingChief]

​@@sunnydaye5942 Yeah, just because there are other individuals related to you by blood doesn't necessarily mean that they are "family". I like my brother and my cousins but I also have a good friend of mine who I could call family. I think the whole thing of "family sticks together" is from older times where you essentially had to keep each other alive through work and chores and whatnot. For some of us, we currently live in a different time with different needs since some necessities are met and we get different problems and issues.

[@sunnydaye5942]

@@smilingsun581 oh that makes me mad when they say its in the past get over it. Especially when they are taking OUR money. Ive walked out on therapists who dont have a clue and told me to "just deal with it" or leave. I left. Both therapy and jerks.

[@gloriakurkowski101]

Psychiatrists, Psychologists. Therapists not one of them mentioned CPTSD or PTSD at all. After 30 years of being misdiagnosed, prescribed every drug possible, I lost my lively hood, marriages and family. Thank you for your hard work and giving me the answers when no one else cared to do so. At least this last chapter of my life appears to be looking up. Again, thank you.

[@zinilebt6002]

Don't give up. No matter how old you are. Im doing online Trauma Therapy at the moment. And everything she says is like "Oh my God she is talking about me, like Whaaat?" It is a Video course with video conferences where she goes through all the questions. I never felt so seen and heard in my life. Im 42 now and this is the first thing that really makes me feel connected and understood. Use the Internet, do Courses you can afford and learn about your nervous System and how to regulate it. We are pioneers in a traumatized world. That is a very important job and we can help others later. I wish you all the best. greets from germany

[@nancyfahey7518]

Ditto. I am 68 years old.

[@SamBKearns]

Same here, except that at 47, a decade AFTER I quit therapy, I started to see a new psychiatrist out of desperation, and it was that psych that recommended Pete Walker's book on CPTSD and recommended Crappy Childhood Fairy. I'm not out of the woods yet, but this is the brightest light that's ever been at the end of the tunnel.

[@wesboundmusic]

Interesting to see that I'm not the only one having ultimately landed in this grim a place where I've lost everything I had set out to build for myself. And I'm also about to finally give up on (insurance sponsored) therapy, they just don't offer the kind of help and therapists who'd have the first idea of what complex PTSD was all about... so, I guess we're right where we've been all along: Taking charge for our well being, then as much as now in the process of healing from these very detrimental, disruptive and devastating experiences that left us majorly wounded - but not help- or hopeless forever, thank god (where "god" would denote our intrinsic need to be well and authentic connection with self that noone can ever completely destroy). Here's to coming around better than ever for the both of us, yes?

[@SamBKearns]

@@wesboundmusic I completely agree with your sentiment about the mental health industry being a major, additional source of neglect and abandonment trauma. Even with my current therapist, who has been vastly better than the others, I've had to take some control over the pace and direction of therapy to get what I really needed from it. That's how my psych ended up recommending external media sources like Crappy Childhood Therapy, Pete Walker (Complex PTSD) and Craig (rethinking Narcissism), because I was getting fed up with the very expensive and very slow pace of talk therapy. Fortunately she had the humility to accept that I needed more than she could give me face to face.

[@angelahill3556]

Every therapist i ever had made excuses for abuse & abusers. Always trying to force me to forgive my abusers. Most know nothing of complex trauma.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yeah, I think it's common for folks to be confused between "forgiveness" and "more in control of the trigger." There are a lot of ways to calm the trigger and for me, forgiveness (when it's happened) came as a by-product to healing the trigger, not the other way around.

[@charliet7124]

That happened to me a couple of weeks ago! So aggravating. Not going back

[@vlst8715]

Oh, yeah. "Why do you talk only about negative stuff they've done to you? They must have a positive side you're totally missing! You must be very immature and vindictive to everyone!" Right, right, just forget about any malignant behavior, any damage and go hug your abuser I guess. Absolutely no need to protect yourself. Forgiveness is not given, it's earned. Or it's not any different from ignorance.

[@suebrown7032]

🙋🏻‍♀️Lady or sir, you don’t intimidate me or scare me, iv had to dodge bullets soooo....🤷🏼‍♀️I wish you well working thru ur pain, have a nice day

[@elleh3495]

Angela Hill yes and always under the guise of "forgiveness is a gift you give yourself" type thinking. There are unforgiveable things people do to each other--and understanding that is more realistic then reinterpreting the word " forgiveness".

[@joserrapere5928]

I am a licensed clinical psychologist with CPTSD and I think what you are doing is wonderful. Therapists need this kind of training as part of our academics. The survivors are always the true teachers.

[@BrokenInTheBox]

I dropped out of trauma therapy when the counselor basically called me a liar because of talking about a recurring dream/nightmare where I was covered in mud and feces. The first time I only talked about the mud...later I mentioned the feces. He was quick to point out that I didn't mention the feces the first time I talked about the dream/nightmare. The judgy look upon his face was disgusting. If anyone's ever gardened, or been raised on a farm, then you know that black dirt that's full of cow manure. It was like that in my dream...I certainly didn't need some young guy fresh out of school judging me and nit picking my words and basically accusing me of being a liar simply because I didn't completely open up upon our first meeting. I found another counselor to see and went for nearly a year. I was getting sick prior to each appointment from the stress; and eventually just quit going. I have found that keeping a journal has been the best thing that I can do for myself. No judgments from my pen and paper! To anyone out there whose suffering, try the journal. Keep it in a lock box for privacy if you must, but write those thoughts/memories/dreams and nightmares down! And remember, whatever happened to you as a child was NOT your fault! You are worthy....you are deserving of respect and love; and most of all...you are enough! Love and blessings to all who suffer. 💙

[@Hawaiiansky11]

Sounds like you were going to a prosecuting attorney, not a therapist.

[@bellj753]

I like the lockbox idea. My BPD mom would always go through my whole room, ready my diary, etc. My diary helped me to cope but I stopped writing because she would find it no matter where I hid it. I have been away for 20+yrs but still can't write to heal because I'm so scared from her finding my most secret thoughts and using them against me. I just might get a lockbox and start writing.

[@BrokenInTheBox]

@@bellj753 I really hope you start writing again! It's very cathartic and allows the author to get through those emotions. My NPD Mom did the same when I was a teen. I'm pushing 50 and still keep my journals in a lock box.

[@ms.rlsteele351]

I hada psychiatrist tell me that "once I knew what the fuck I wanted..." blah blah blah. I found that that so unprofessional that I quit.

[@collection6062]

What a freaking wierdo lol. "you lied about your dream". Im sorry you had to deal with this!

[@pe9147]

It’s Thursday night after my therapy session. I search up “quitting therapy” on KZbin and this video came up. Expecting nothing I continued watching. Now you have a girl fully sobbing in the car ride home. I was feeling SO FRUSTRATED, IRRITATED, ANNOYED that I couldn’t convey my issues in a way my therapist could understand. My critical thoughts started to surface. I started thinking I was the problem. But no. This one video healed me. I resonate so deeply with your story. ❤ This has given me SO MUCH validation and healing, Anna. I’m so so so so so grateful I found your video. I would have been so emotionally dysfunctional for the next few days if I hadn’t seen this as that’s what usually happens. I cannot thank you enough. After my session, I randomly searched up “quitting therapy” and your video came up. It was everything I needed and more. I’ve seen 6 counsellors in the past year and they all look at me like a deer in headlights whenever I talk about nervous system dysregulation or when I say talk therapy is not helpful and that I would like more bottom up therapy like somatic experiencing or EMDR instead. I know I have complex ptsd, toxic shame, ADHD and talking about aimlessly is probably the worst thing I can do. I’m so thankful you’re creating this platform to help others. I wish you all the best with this channel and your journey. You just gained a new sub! Excuse me while I binge watch all your videos ❤️😅

[@grantlott3050]

1000% agree with you. I saw 6 or so therapists, not much progress there... then I went to school to become a therapist. I dropped out and changed paths when I realized the high proportion or narcissism in this “mental health” community. Healing happens in life, it happens in strange places when we seek it. Thank you for your service!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for the comments!

[@jozzz222]

I am seeing that too in the field. What career did you pursue instead?

[@jozzz222]

@@xoyouaremysunshinexo what career did you switch to? Do you like your new career better?

[@jozzz222]

@@xoyouaremysunshinexo that’s amazing congrats 🎉 I wish I could do it but not really argumentative 😭😅😭

[@js2010ish]

Hmph!

[@AliciaMarkoe]

I stopped going to therapy when I realized that I was paying them for the privilege of entertaining them with my story. I'm very open and honest, and they get all caught up hearing my story, and we never got around to making things better.

[@Eman14128]

Exactly that why I left my therapist today.

[@SharlenesJourney]

Bouta quit therapy right now because this is exactly how I feel I’m tired of sharing my story and feeling drained after wards and still sad

[@MultiSUNFLOWER18]

That was actually what I thought as far as my life was just entertaining to the therapist. The last therapist I went to send me a card in the mail with a personnel number to call. It was unprofessional. I never called and never went back to a therapist.

[@icyunvme2400]

@@SharlenesJourney Same. But my last therapy session was three years ago. My family has been saying I need to go back. But thinking about how it made me feel and time wasted. I don’t think I will. I made it farther without.

[@starfruitiger]

💯 this. paying someone for you to give them storytime.

[@lisacurfman6169]

I agree with you, talk therapy made me feel still stuck, not fixed

[@harrieta6961]

Agreed x

[@jasmineluxemburg6200]

Self help with other survivors ! The very best, believe me I know !

[@sspbrazil]

Yep

[@hunger4369]

Because you need medicine. Depression or mental illness in general is something wrong in your brain. It’s not normal to wanna kill yourself.

[@sspbrazil]

@@hunger4369 that’s not true actually. Killing yourself can be a very normal act if you’re quality of life is diminished to a point where you can barely function. I think it’s a choice like any other choice we make in life. Medicine doesn’t work for everyone and some is more dangerous to the chemistry of the brain. We are all different and one size doesn’t not fit all. We are the only species that is is conscious of our own inevitable demise and that one aspect of being human motivates us to do what we do including the choice to take one’s own life.

[@AnnafromHungarylvNW]

Therapy sometimes reinforces rumination or the sense that 'if I solve this, then I'm going to be acceptable'.

[@naturefleur2062]

truthtoknow yes! And if it’s not working, then it’s because I wasn’t “doing it right”.

[@SuperMrHiggins]

Ah! You shot me in the stomach! Wait... this wound was already there! Yes. Spot on.

[@sweetiedreams3158]

Thank you for writing this, I feel understood

[@santacruzskirts]

And it also reinforces “if they (the therapist) solves this, then I’m going to be acceptable”

[@loriolson8500]

My ten. 1) move to hawaii 2) beach walk for exercise 3) talk kindly to strangers, but don't look for relationships 4) take care of animals (nurture) 5) eat healthy 6) work a job I'm passionate about (animal care) 7) be a friend 8) be easy on myself 9) stay anonymous 10) don't take responsibility for others. Need a rest ...

[@kaoutar6921]

I love it ❤❤ thank you

[@9lavender]

"Healing is the outcome we want. Not the preservation of old rules and ideas about who is in charge of healing." Yes! Anna you are brilliant. Thank you.

[@Learning2luvME]

I loved that line too, healing is our end goal however it comes, from whomever it comes from. ( in a healthy constructive way of course.🙃)

[@c1rcl3s]

The first therapist I had I was only 17. He told me to write a letter to my parents and let it all out, and I wouldn't have to give it to them. The point is to process emotions. Well, he gave them the letter. He said that he lied because it was the only way to get to the bottom of everything. Well, my abusive parents tortured me for weeks afterwards. I was literally locked in my room with nothing in it, not even a bed. I will never talk to another therapist again.

[@ASmith-jn7kf]

Your parents sent you to a therapists??

[@c1rcl3s]

@@ASmith-jn7kf the school made me go

[@call_in_sick]

That was a breech of your rights I would have taken legal action against the therapist. Or at least reported him for breaching data protection.

[@HermeticWorlds]

I'm sorry that happened to you :(

[@zinilebt6002]

This is so wrong it makes me angry. I'm so so sorry that that happened to you. What an A..hole!

[@amyjoy3741]

I’m filled with emotion every time you talk about dysregulation. I’ve never heard the word and am in tears over the fact that someone finally understands. You have also experienced what I have lived with all my life. I just couldn’t deal with people anymore and had to quit working last year. I’m 56 and began to let myself remember bits of my childhood, fighting through the emotions, and even denying it all because of lack of support. I am very overwhelmed with all the work I have yet to do, but I want to thank you for being you and sharing your life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is the kind of comment that makes my work worthwhile. I am so, so happy for you to find the info. I felt just the same way when I learned about it. It keeps getting better from this point forward. Sending my love!

[@Luisa-cs2pd]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I agree totally with Amy. Your way of expressing these very strange things, is worth so much. Thank you.

[@Luisa-cs2pd]

I am your age too. I quit therapy after trying to get help for many years. Nothing helped. After a very tough situation in my job, I decided to quit. Things changed to the better after that. It´s been a long road and it will continue all my life, but I have found extreme help from prayers. I cannot explain how it all happened but I was drawn in an inexplicable way to convert to Catholicism. It has helped me tremendously. I struggled for long to get a job but found one (I don't have a fixed job so it is still uncertain) and I cannot explain how I've managed this far, other than Our Lord helping me through. I try to pray constantly and just let me be filled with the Holy Ghost. It has been a journey I never thought I could have managed. I have more Hope and Peace in my heart. I let myself be guided only by the good spirit. I am thankful beyond words. Take care and God bless you.

[@favouritemusic8959]

Oh Amy Joy I so wish l could talk to you. You spoke my story. Take care Amy and l wish us both all the very best on this tangled journey through life. I like your name too. Mary xx

[@stellabandante2727]

I've seen probably a dozen therapists over the years. I never got anything positive from it. It always felt weird to be telling a stranger about my innermost difficulties. I never felt understood, much less assisted in coping with my struggles. I could not trust the process, feeling that the therapist was pretending to be interested because it was their job, and I was paying them. Haven't even considered it in years. Your work has been a brilliant source of understanding and growth.

[@krystalrussell8046]

I hear you.

[@breh9243]

@VINCENT VEGA I relate to this

[@hunnybSue]

I just refuse therapy now, I have been made to feel inadequate so many times. Not to mention nightmares.

[@SS-tx3bt]

You took the words out of my mouth! I think you Should be able to incorporate therapy into your daily life somehow in order to get to know your therapist and for them to get to know you. Like therapy during happy hour or over coffee. Where as you get to know each other your therapist can understand you better and you can learn to trust them with your feelings no matter how dark they are.

[@andyokus5735]

They will turn you in to feel powerful. I worked in the mental health field. It's nothing but one big insurance scam. I quickly left it.

[@kayjohns7936]

Way to speak up, Anna, for all of those who have spent decades doing the work with counselors only to be more traumatized and then rejected socially because "we just weren't trying enough." It has been so heartbreaking. I am so tired and it has been so hard to hang on. Peace.

[@The7dioses]

I wasted many years of my life trying to find a competent therapist... Never found one. I did find help however. on channels like yours, with people that have gone through the same type of experiences.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for letting me know that! Survivors have a lot to teach each other!

[@claudiacastillo5898]

I absolutely agree with this. Therapists are incompetent. They lack knowledge, they contradict themselves all the time, they are highly superficial and mostly, they don’t have good boundaries. I always found they shared their personal opinion, impose their beliefs, or focus the sessions on a topic that they were confortable addressing. Like, they would pathologize you an then treat said pathology, when in reality that was not the case at all.

[@lonewolf-oc9vr]

Actualy these video are better therapy

[@poppydaisy4828]

@@claudiacastillo5898 this is true.

[@CassieDavis613]

@@claudiacastillo5898 The final straw for me was when a therapist fell asleep. So I sat and watched her sleep. I did not pay for that session.

[@StarwaterHealing]

I realized my therapist was a covert narcissist. She started using everything I told her against me. What a nightmare😒

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

I'm sorry. Been there.

[@alliarsenic]

Report her to the licensing board in your state if the time frame for that isnt up.

[@2Sugarbears]

Had that one as well.

[@alliarsenic]

1OOsmiles im hoping thats not true for my case. i have yet to file a complaint against mine. Im sure if enough people file a complaint against one person though-they will be forced to do something, so i would suggest doing it.

[@kathleenreisert8891]

Starwater Cosmic Priestess A lot of those out there!

[@agniesiag]

I go to therapy that is about somatic experiencing. We seldom talk. It is only about the body and processing. I absolutely love it and it helps me a lot. Best thing I ever did for myself.

[@skyejacques]

I'm looking into that therapy to complement acupuncture and Sufi healing and therapy xx

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Excellent. I have tried it a little and hope to learn more.

[@AustinPepp]

Same it is amazing! My counsellor does Focusing which is very similar.

[@joyfulone1816]

Are there any links you could share that you believe would give me a great picture of how this therapy is carried out? I've neglected to look into it as just the word "body" triggers great fear. I have the idea it could help with "body armoring".

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Me too. Brain spotting, EMDR, EFT, and intention meditations before sleep. Been a long haul. I feel effn great now. Life is now a gas.

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

Talk therapy felt like reliving the trauma all over again! It was bad enough to live it. Let the healing begin! We can take charge of our own recovery and ultimately it is our right and our responsibility to do so.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Right on! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@nastyak4516]

This is a point of therapy. You reliving trauma in safe envairment with kind and caring person you trust. You go through your pain over and over again releasing pain. Until is no more. Just memories

[@denisedevoto2834]

That is exactly how I felt too! At the end of my sessions I was either sad or angry. My meditation instructor was instrumental in helping me to start healing.

[@ASmith-jn7kf]

@@nastyak4516 they are already memories, you don't trust your therapist you don't know them and how is it a safe environment??

[@cherylrajewski3390]

I find it very interesting about how writing about your feelings and then reading it was a way to communicate your "story". I think therapy is somewhat like a performance where you have no script, you just go in there and wing it and sometimes it takes most of the session just to get to the root of the issue and then bam...time is up. I also resented having to tell my personal inner feelings to this person without knowing what is going on in their head. It was a big distraction for me. I dread the idea of trying a new therapist because you have to spend all your first sessions that you are paying for to tell them about your childhood when you already did that with someone else.

[@leandrahackwith3168]

...retold the same story several times over and then some ‼️ I often wished I could hand them a syllabus to study before the first appointment to save us both the time (and me the$$$‼️)

[@suzanne4396]

And after a year together, every week, they leave ( you) to go start their own practice. Thanks for leaving me high n dry ...

[@lizzzarduh]

I agree with every sentence!!

[@oa194]

EMDR gave me the relief that years of talk therapy couldn’t give me, and I had no problem talking, it just didn’t fix anything felt like going in circles. EMDR is so,so effective wished I did it years ago!!

[@gra6799]

EMDR rocks !! Been having it for 2 months Not necessarily an easy path not for the faint hearted...

[@oa194]

@@gra6799 True, it’s hard. I almost fainted and felt nauseous 2 times, right after the sessions I’d have headaches, feeling lightheaded, drained and depressed. I always dreaded going but happy I pulled through. It did so much for me in a much shorter period of time, it’s like your head and heart are cleared, I felt enlightened and my anxiety was way down. I managed to speak about my fathers passing without crying which I couldn’t do for many years.

[@urbansetter1]

I love emdr. I just started it and it's really helping me too.

[@sarahmicro]

me too / EMDR is really soooo effective

[@TheSpartanite]

Words cannot express the power of EMDR. It totally wipes away ALL your trauma back to front.

[@Tahra.xoxoxo]

There is inbuilt inequality in the therapeutic dynamic that makes it toxic for trauma survivors. Lack of agency is retraumatising.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Interesting. I know what you mean.

[@elleh3495]

Tahra L Anitya this is brilliant. This was always a problem--they are listening because they get paid to listen; they dispense advice about things they have never experienced; they have not understood the depths of my trauma no matter how many classes or books they have read or sat in. One gives inexperienced advice to a stranger who pays them. And the feeling that sessions are structured by the practitioner not by the needs of the client is not ok. So you think my 1 hour session brought some "closure" to a trauma that has severly crippled me for 41 years? Really? 😬

[@Tahra.xoxoxo]

Also there is usually a class difference which makes it oppressive. Or other ways the therapist is more privileged than the client. Race, gender, sexuality, disability etc. They often have techniques which are, possibly genuinely, intended to centre the client and their experience, but I don't think it usually works as the therapist is unconscious of how their privilege affects them. Plus their own desires and preferences just leak in all over the place. None of that builds power in the client. Also people are often desperate for help and interpret an infantilising experience as useful. We so need to take down the sacred cow of therapy. And call out the role of the therapist so people going in view the therapist very differently.

[@Tahra.xoxoxo]

Also @michh I massively agree about the issue of the therapist structuring the session.

[@petalparker5]

Yes I agree. There is the power/information differential that I find triggering. Like being in a relationship with a covert narc. The therapist has all the control because after all you're "sick/broken" they're "healthy"! Your supposed to immediately trust them with all your private info and thoughts even tho you know next to nothing about them or even how the therapeautic process is supposed to work or what to expect.

[@adamlewis5073]

If a therapist is writing hate emails to you like that, i suspect how good of a therapist they are.

[@kathleenkeane9152]

Yeah NFG in my opinion 👍

[@immortalnow]

I quit therapists after a point because I got better help from people who had dealt successfully with my same problems in a 12 Step context. The focus on how I was creating my problems and what specific things I could do to improve my situation were key. After years of healing and getting strong, I found myself able to process past trauma in a healthy and effective manner, a little at a time. But I did this in a strong, supportive and competent setting with other men who had successfully done this work for themselves. Reparenting and deep love were part of the process for me.

[@KarmasAbutch]

Some of the worst Therapists I’ve had were “*trauma informed*” Therapists. My trust in that *special* skill set did the most damage. I will never go back. They still have egos that get in their own way... just like everybody else. THey’re not Gods... they went to school to READ about people with your LIVED experience. No more *experts* for me. Trust No1

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, "trauma informed" has so far seemed more public health/political movement than solution

[@missestomlinson99]

Trust yourself is the answer, not trust no one

[@melissathwaites415]

Number 1

[@kahlodiego5299]

I think maybe the therapists who are attracted to that topic are weirdos who enjoy having Control over someone whose suffering.

[@KarmasAbutch]

@@missestomlinson99 thank you - I wasn’t clear - Trust Number 1 … trusting other people or not became much easier when stopped doing that first, over trusting myself, without realizing I was giving away my agency.

[@hilaryd6341]

I went to a therapist and she made me feel horrible about my life and I just ruminated about every session. It made me suicidal. She said my intrusive thoughts will manifest if I don't stop having the thoughts which is horrible to tell someone with ocd.. made me relapse. Now I'm better that I stopped seeing her. I'm happy not talking to a therapist, I'd rather watch videos like this 😸👍🏼

[@ljsunshine1232]

Coraline Jones I also talked to someone who made me feel horrible about myself. She even pushed me to hate my parents. The whole things makes me so sad looking back.

[@hilaryd6341]

Liza Jane I’m so sorry you dealt with that. Learning information yourself and sticking with your intuition seems more helpful than advice from a stranger that hardly knows you

[@jasmineluxemburg6200]

See my other inputs ! Self help survivors group is the way to go ! Informed, direct, honest, empathetic , and skills ? well you build them directly lastly from the other experts ! Believe me you are already that and not only in terms of the experience ! The possibilities you can co learn and pick up from texts, but be warned nine out of ten are ignorant bullshit ! You will comprehend that pretty quickly when you share and support one another in the role of listening, empathic feedback and caring support ! Decide collectively on the boundaries, when, where , how long for sessions, not interrupting or advising, inventing a beginning such as forming a circle whilst sat with joined hands and saying whatever you agree - such as, from I’m here for you and you for me, no interrupting and first agree, how much time each has the ‘floor’, all suggestions considered, but always turn up, silence is ok, feedback too, be the selected special few who commit and care ... you get the idea ? ......

[@christopherluvsaidan67]

It was never her job nor anyone's job to fix you in the first place. You have to grow some Nalgas and toughen up.

[@christopherluvsaidan67]

@@ljsunshine1232 you people choose to let someone's words dictate how you feel. You could have just took it like a grain of salt or just let it go.

[@NewWorldAstro]

After only one session, i had a job interview so rescheduled. The therapist called to see how it went, which was very kind i felt. I told him i has waited nearly a week and no word despite being told I’d hear back the next day. His answer: “maybe it was something you did. Or a vibe you put off”. (!!) I politely corrected him, and stood by my work ethic (that he knew nothing about). I was well prepared and the only candidate kept back while everyone else left. I knew i could not go back to someone as insidious and unprofessional. Be aware of narcissist and psychopaths in this field. You have to Know Yourself enough to protect yourself but therapy opens you to people who may not have your best interests at heart.

[@lemongrove57]

I feel like owning your own healing is the one treatment that really gets at the heart of the helpless paralysis of trauma. You get to learn, choose, try, make changes, ask for help, seek new information, let go of what doesn't work for you, and trust yourself to know what you need. Nothing feels better than that.

[@faviolafikir2181]

Love this! I’m learning 💙💙💙

[@zinilebt6002]

This is so true

[@Kimosabe-]

Anna Runkles, may every ounce of compassion you've given of yourself come back to you tenfold. Blessings

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is the kindest thing you could say. Thank you!

[@spookycat2948]

When you spend months and years in therapy taking about a person or circumstances that traumatized you, oftentimes you are still giving that person power over you even if they are long gone from your life. You certainly are giving the trauma your time, emotions and attention which is taking away from time, emotions and attention that can be spent on positivity!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, it can be really negative for those of us with CPTSD!

[@nebula1924]

I hope nobody has power over you. That wouldn't be good. Take care ☺

[@AntonyReed]

I just don't trust traditional therapy. There seems to be too much unintentional, therapist-induced gaslighting. I decided to become my own therapist and looked at ways I could seek change. Now I'm a hypnotist and NLP guy. lol... Thanks for what you're doing. :)

[@crshia]

Agreed! I spent 10 years with a cognitive behavior therapist who didn't understand PTSD - she unknowingly was retriggering me and caused me to stay inside my trauma response for months, and discouraged me from taking any anti-depressants. I left her when she told me to remember that "I wasn't a victim" the week after I left a 12-year abusive relationship and was struggling and crying. I found I had so much better help with a trauma specialist who understood the brain has to be helped to understand something isn't happening NOW. It's a survival mechanism that has to be reset and it has nothing to do with willpower.

[@alasseearfalas]

Loved this. I'd always latch on to a therapist at the beginning, but after a few sessions they'd say something that made it obvious they didn't understand where I was coming from and what I was struggling with, and from that moment on I could never trust them. The only therapist that didn't happen with was the therapist who said during our first visit, "I don't have the training to help you with what you need-but I will be here to help and support you in whatever way that I can." Thank you for this video, and thank you for bringing awareness to this. Therapy is not always helpful.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I love that, what the good therapist said. Easier to trust someone who doesn't know and says they don't know -- than someone who just thinks they know...

[@Elderbeingintuition]

After 10 years of therapy that didn't work, I found that i can only take people with similar experiences seriously when they tell me how to work through trauma. Thank you for this channel

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for joining us on this channel, it's a special community :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@zinilebt6002]

So true!

[@sandybowman7140]

Very succinctly put. Ur assessment is so wise. Thank u!

[@plj103]

Boy, has this been an eye opener. I have felt like such “therapy failure”. I’ve always felt so pressured and miserable with therapists, but maybe it isn’t all me...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's not for everyone, that's the message :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@noellejoystrobridge1147]

Is this why I’m consumed with negative feelings after every therapy session?

[@kevcatnip7589]

Alot to be said for you only know you and care

[@chuckhockey9464]

You relive the feelings time and time again

[@jasmineluxemburg6200]

Form a self help survivors group ! No more ignorance, no more put downs and dismissal, no more pomposity and no more hefty bills ! ‘What’s not to like’ ?

[@ilyaibrahimovic9842]

Not necessarily. There are a lot of reasons why you might be drowning in negative emotion after a therapy session. Runkle describes a situation in which the methodology used has the opposite effect to the intended effect. Someone in the comments suggested the one-hour limit was counterproductive because the therapy session was dragging out way more than could be dealt with in one hour so even if they were attempting a more effective method, she would still have a lot of hurt opened and unresolved at the end of the hour. Another reason might be that your therapist is incompetent and says things that are harming you because they don't know what they're doing. The worst possibility, uncommon but a non-zero fraction of cases, is that your therapist is outright some narcissist and/or psychopath putting you down to feel good about himself or herself. And there are probably other possibilities as well. Not a professional myself, but I would recommend trying to figure out why you feel so bad. What kinds of feelings do you experience, and any more than others? Anger is not the same as sadness, and those are only two. Might you be able to identify where it comes from? Something the therapist said? Some perception of yourself? Something you're reminded about? Be as specific as you can. You might need to start with just some hunch or some string of words floating in your mind or some sensation in your body. I can't really give you too specific of advice because the process varies individual to individual and I don't know anything about you. But the process might take some time, so I give you my encouragement.

[@lydieuhh]

Same! And extra sensitive

[@rsi4561]

I always wrote the check before I went to therapy. I totally click with what she is saying. I spent years in therapy without results. time alone writing n thinking n reading. self reflection. vids like these n I feel healthier than ever.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's great! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@SelfLoveU]

I had good results with therapy. Can't imagine healing without it. The mirroring alone helps to mature the emotions. Therapy is not perfect, but it is helpful if you find the right therapist.

[@rebeccajones9757]

It is helpful for some, but not for all. It is certainly worth a shot, but people should only continue going if it really helps.

[@BuddhaFang]

I got lucky when I met my awesome therapist approx 25 years ago, still working with her. She notices when I wander back into old and unhealthy ways of thinking, and she walks and talks me thru it. It should be clarified that there’s many types of therapy, so if you want therapy, keep looking for the right one.

[@ellanola6284]

@@BuddhaFang Glad that it is helping you, but personally, I would worry that it is taking so long. One of you MAY be narcissist.

[@Dippmip]

"Therapy is not perfect, but it is helpful if you find the right therapist." Please stop saying that. It's simply not for everyone, even if the therapist is a good one.

[@Dippmip]

@@BuddhaFang excuse me, but how is this therapy ur doing so awesome, if after 25 years ur still not fixed?

[@tbunnyshy1]

Thank you! I was in therapy for many years. I had severe PTSD symptoms due to what my son went through as a child. My therapist decided to take EMDR classes. After her training was completed, I was her first EMDR patient. It was so hard the first time. The tears in my eyes, the pain. There are basics we talk about. (Think of a memory, what do you believe, how true/accurate is that, what is a more healthy/accurate belief, etc). All of that, precisely timed with eye movement made my symptoms of 12 YEARS disappear. EMDR is LIFE CHANGING. 95% healed. I hope more people find this helpful.

[@kathygehlhausen]

Thank you for validating how I do therapy. With my CPTSD clients, I focus on their present problems and symptoms, delving into the deeper pain only when the link to past and present is clearly fueling distress. It grieves me how little of my clinical training included disregulation, dissociation, and CPTSD. The understanding is rapidly emerging. I'm also EMDR trained and love how it sidesteps the story. As a therapist who's undergone therapy for years, I've also benefited from healing outside talk therapy modalities. I entirely endorse folks finding the path to healing that works for them. Thank you

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

[@shadowbunny7892]

This is how I kind of assumed most therapy would work and it's been frustrating to find out it's not. Had an intake session just last week where she was getting very frustrated I couldn't lay out my whole backstory and trauma in an hour. Does that stuff actually matter so much when the thing I need help with is coping with problems now?

[@kathygehlhausen]

@@shadowbunny7892 The short answer is, yes, it does. I am sorry to hear your intake session felt like pressure to lay out your entire backstory. However, that backstory is 100% impacting the problems you're currently struggling to cope with. Therapists start with the backstory, so we can understand your individual context. No two people's experiences are identical, so without understanding something of what you've experienced so far, it's hard to do much about the present day struggles. So it's a both/and situation. Also - if you felt the therapist was frustrated with you during intake, I'd call her out on it at your next session, and depending on how she responds, go find a different therapist

[@shadowbunny7892]

@@kathygehlhausen I don't mean to sound flippant, of course things that have happened to people affect them. But it seems to me like that information would be more useful with the context of the problems currently happening rather than as the opening conversation. Or, in the case of past therapists I've had, talking about the past the whole time and basically never getting around to solving any problems.

[@kathygehlhausen]

@@shadowbunny7892 I understand the focus on the past feels really out of alignment with what you needed. And it's pretty impossible to be useful with solving your present problems without some baseline understanding of what's gone before. I know I listen to the present problem in my first session, but then I do spend the next 2-3 sessions delving more into understanding my client's history. It's usually about session 5 that we can start solving problems. I'd say about 70% of therapy overall is spent looking at the past in most cases. It can take time to unpack how pain from the past is causing problems in the present, and that's what the work of therapy is about. I hope hearing what it looks like from a therapist's POV is useful for you, I understand your frustration.

[@lynnbigner570]

I left in the middle of an EMDR session because I could not handle talking about my stuff, and to a total stranger at that. My therapist did not do EMDR so she called in some guy from across the hall. I was so humiliated. I was so disregulated I attempted to drive the car without removing the sun shield across the windshield. A passer by yelled at me to take it out after calling me a few choice names. I had my head stuck out the side window trying to see. Oh God. I am grateful I quit therapy, and am healing.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I love this story, @Lynn! Driving with screens in the windshield is a perfect metaphor for what it's like, and of course, it is literal too. I had one EMDR practitioner who just tried to get all talky and empathetic, out of love, but it wrecked me too. I needed the stoic, less talky approach.

[@sybilsanchezkessler4155]

Are you saying that while you were in session, your therapist called in someone else without your permission or any advance planning? That sounds like a breach of professional ethics and HIPAA that could be reportable, to me.

[@mf.p.c.6766]

EMDR actually re traumatized/triggered me, things got worse ,it did not work for me & i did it for a year..

[@robertdilano9733]

CCF, if a therapist or "professional" ever says "who do you think you are?!" for trying to help others, they most likely have an ego problem of superiority and are not the types of people who are really helpful because their intentions of being a therapist are rooted in some degree of grandiosity, narcissism, elitism, or clinging on to titles and credentials rather than effective experience. A genuine therapist would say "interesting! let's have an open discussion and examine the benefits and risks of what you are hoping to achieve."

[@spookywitch0x0]

Exactly ☺️👐 I completely agree 👍

[@Naomid0408]

Yes!! I'm a therapist and I encourage people to have a team of helpers if they can access/afford it! Want to work with a coach, too? Please! Nutritionist? Yes! Energy worker? Yay! Acupuncture and herbalism? Go for it! Maybe it helps that I'm a CPTSD survivor, too, and I've had to fight like hell for myself to get where I am, and I know that talk therapy alone isn't *the* whole answer, ESPECIALLY with trauma. Any "professional" who claims that they are the only one who can help you, or doesn't want other people involved in the process is a HUGE red flag, IMO.

[@clandestinereactionary1842]

Going to therapy is like constantly picking at scabs and paying someone to watch. Real healing comes from making real friends, resisting the urge to blame others for every bad thing that's happened to us, and becoming useful to other people.

[@sonofhibbs4425]

YES, finally someone else understands! I hope you and I aren’t the only ones out there to realize this because it’s the key to healing!

[@missj7262]

Absofuckinglutely couldn't have said it better! 🙏👏💓

[@JD-de5mq]

That's such a good analogy!

[@nickieglazer33]

Clandestine Reactionary Totally with you on that! My partner is starting to understand too now 🥰😘 So reassuring to know that there ARE people who are more self- aware out there. Thank you 🙏🏻 for sharing 💞

[@art4life691]

Well said!

[@wiser1254]

I found several therapists who were totally inept at helping me. I finally found one who absolutely steered me in the right direction, but then she moved away 6 months into our sessions. Since then, I have read dozens of books and discovered various online sites, like yours, that I have been able to pick and choose from. I’m fours years into healing from CEN, Cptsd, and 70+ years of emotional, psychological and religious abuse!

[@bunnykatsoracle3275]

The comment section on your videos is even better than group therapy. This is definitely a revolution! Conventional therapy didn't work for me either. Connecting with others online who have survived similar ordeals and seeing what's worked for them has helped immensely though. I'm.so grateful to have stumbled on your channel! 💖💗💓

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I love the community here as well!

[@toots810usa6]

I made much more progress with hypnotherapy, where the therapist took me through scenarios like placing me on a high stool above my abusers, and allowed me to tell them what I wanted to tell them. He also explained what was happening like a narrator in a movie, and explained these were predators and it was not my fault....that was a real breakthrough for me, but it was the only safe space we could get that done in.....my subconscious mind.

[@phoenixbg2096]

Wow!

[@jasmineluxemburg6200]

Yes, way to go !

[@andyokus5735]

I agree! You are going to heal yourself no one else. A good hypnotist is worth their weight in gold.

[@bunnykatsoracle3275]

I love that! Your hypnotherapist sounds brilliant!

[@elonever.2.071]

Yes a skilled hypnotherapist can cause amazing breakthroughs in a short time. Mine allowed me to caress my infant self and push away all my care givers and tell myself that *I* am going to care for him from now on. I felt my heart go from a hard knot to relax into a normal beat while I was coming out of that session. It opened me up to doing Energy therapy which is absolutely amazing too.

[@kitchencounterculture8466]

"sovereignty over our own healing." what a great phrase. Thank you so much for your work and yet another insightful, helpful video.

[@coming2getu64]

Finding a good therapist can be traumatic and can end badly There should be a test period with a new therapist and I'm sure it's the insurance industry that makes it so difficult.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Insurance can be a blessing, but I sometimes thinks it encourages the notion that others hold the controls on our healing.

[@coming2getu64]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy some do to a degree, especially if they are abusers.

[@lynndurbin9476]

If you are limited to sessions by your insurance company you are limited to how many times you want to start over which alone is draining.

[@michaeljensen4650]

I had a therapist tell me to "Spit it out" when I was struggling to find the words to describe something difficult and saddening from my past. Then when I told her about this painful and difficult experience and how it was effecting me she changed the topic, twice. She would also ask me open ended questions right before our time was up and then act like I was keeping her and being a burden by acting so needy and taking up her time. I promptly left her in disgust and frustration. I have not been to a therapist since. I have even had therapists who suffer with Personality Disorders (Pathological Narcissism). Sadly it is very difficult to find good therapists. We seem to be great at understanding psychological pathology but terrible at treating it. I felt re-traumatized by the interaction. Most people are not very compassionate and are only motivated by money and status. They do not have the training to understand personality disorders and the effect it has on adult children of disordered people.

[@sybilsanchezkessler4155]

Therapists should have to be in personal therapy for themselves as a practice or at least as part of their training, but they don't have to be, necessarily. They have to do supervision as part of their training and that's not the same as personal therapy. There are good ones and bad ones, they don't all make a lot of money but insurance still is a very influential dynamic. (Full disclosure: I'm married to one, I know...) And, they hold a lot of stress, from others and their own stuff. Most go into it because they have their own stories that lead them to it. But a bad one, ugh so damaging, and so many of us have stories like this.

[@sistastarbird]

Yeah between the therapy and the meds I wasn't healing at all. I was stuck in that cycle for 26 years. Now med free for a decade. And life is totally worth living. Thank you for all your help. I appreciate it so much.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you're better 💜 -Cara@TeamFairy

[@ellekay852]

Love this! Me too. I can’t believe how stuck I was in that prescription drug and talk therapy haze.

[@harleenfquinzel4394]

OMG! I've in therapy for two years and I mentioned to her recently that I felt like I was talking in circles and not making much progress. I always feel so agitated and disconnected afterwards that my mother has called me out on it and I've snapped my toddler for dumb things that normally don't faze me. Much like yours, she tells me it's me dealing with the stuff and that's normal. I'm usually out of sorts for a day or two. I thought it was just me but you get it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad it resonated :)

[@dalebeaupre7438]

I belong to Alcoholics Anonymous where one alcoholic helps another alcoholic in away that a therapist who has never experienced alcoholism can not. Please keep up the good work you are doing. One day you maybe helping people by the hundreds of thousands, all over the world. The world needs more people like you who are willing to share what has worked for them.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for this kind comment. As you may know from other videos of mine, I love AA enough there have been times I wished I qualified! Your encouragement means a great deal to me.

[@dalebeaupre7438]

You are welcome at open meetings

[@anitat9727]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy There are other 12 step programs. I go to ACA (one for people with crappy childhood).

[@rebeccajones9757]

A therapist asked me to join ACOA, but as an atheist, there was a lot that I couldn't relate to. The religious aspects don't help me.

[@victormh4867]

I've been to several therapists and I allways felt drained after talking about what troubled me and would feel like something was profoundly wrong with me. It only made things worse and slowed me down. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you!

[@hannahpotato3722]

I too stopped going to therapy . Talking about all my traumas was just too much to deal with . My anxiety and paranoia was through the roof after my sessions for days . I really felt like I wasn’t improving at all .

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well then you've come to the right place. Thanks for sharing this part of your story!

[@lilalienangel]

I think the problem inlies in the fact they open a can of worms yet there is no time to work through it. The worms have no place to go.. 1 hour just doesn't cut it..

[@supermelodia]

Sometimes the healing happens when justice is served example: a rapist goes to jail that will bring relief to the victim. Another way to forget is not think about it, why? because the more you think, it will interfere in your normal life. Just keep exercising this.

[@ColorMeConfused29]

For me it was opening an old wound, pouring salt into it, letting it scab over and ripping the wound open again the next session. Ugh.

[@BenAvodot]

Thank you for explaining to the world why I also ended talk therapy. I never got anywhere and spent way too much time going over the trauma, feeling worse, never cathartic as if I were about to break through. I really like what you talk about and am considering your course. I just stumbled upon your channel and it’s right on time.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's great, please do subscribe and check out course offerings. crappychildhoodfairy.com/ Welcome to the community!

[@bigfolkie5418]

I am 68 years old and have finally been diagnosed with CPTSD. I've had more than a few therapists. My current one is fantastic. I finally got the proper diagnosis and she so completely gets whats been tormenting me for decades . In the past year she has guided me onto a beautiful road to recovering and healing. But none of my previous counselors could find what my current therapist did. I had sort of a mental breakdown about 2 years ago

[@mandylee7377]

@@bigfolkie5418 that's awesome . Thank you!

[@Candjce]

I am someone who has found therapy incredibly helpful, I’ve been going twice a week for about a year and a half.... but hearing this experience gives me new perspective on how other people may feel about it. Im the person who ALWAYS recommends therapy to ALL of my friends because it has helped me so much... but Im going to think more carefully about that now I think. Maybe it’s just important for people to get help- not how they get it, but just that they do...

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Love what your doing❤️. I’m a therapist and I’d say you’re plenty qualified to help others. Thanks for sharing your recovery. In the addiction world it’s totally acceptable for people in recovery to help others.

[@MJ-my9sg]

Agreed! No therapist has helped, neither has church and family is horrendous! To date at 65 I have NO ONE! I hide my feelings n am a master introvert.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending hugs

[@xenatron9056]

Hello Trina, same for me. No one had any solutions for me, but then I decided to do what I needed to do. Focussing on an ANYTHING other than the problem helped as an indirect way to begin to get free.

[@joyfulone1816]

I've taken to practicing considering myself first. Something i'd never realized that everybody else learned to do as babies or toddlers, when they got to pick something they liked. Did you always take the broken or ugly thing so nobody ELSE ended up with it too?? So now i'm allowing myself to keep the wonderful things i may get or already have, instead of always giving everything to someone who needs it or deserves it more. My feelings deserve to be owned and expressed and heard out if only by a journal! They've been being denied by everyone for decades. The BEST (not the least) i can do is give them WORDS. I'm probably a picture of you. Please take some time and give yourself the consideration you haven't been given, you've always given it to everyone else right? Most of *us know how to be extremely considerate! I bid you peace and healing of your spirit Warrior 💜

[@normaalsina6214]

Trina try listening to Sadhguru. ❤️ If it’s about Narcissism abuse try in KZbin “Surviving Narcissism”. 👼🏻

[@joyfulone1816]

@@normaalsina6214 "Surviving Narcissism" has been a wonderful and healing resource for me as well! I love how the focus stays positive and on healing, rather than wasting time vilifying someone on whom you have no effect.

[@MJFinn-d7d]

Thank you. I spent over 50 years in therapy off and on, reading books, completing workbooks, journaling, hospitalizations, medication, suicide attempts, only to end up at 67 still feeling broken and alien. Knowing that I was probably a normal child to begin with (maybe a little hyper-sensitive), has made a huge impact on my "self". I struggled all my life to achieve "normal" - never achieving it, only modeling it. Thank you for telling me I'm normal. It's the first time I've ever heard this.

[@justagirljean1111]

In my experience with years of therapy, I can honestly say only someone who has actually experienced what you’ve been through and healed can really help you. Think of it like this, would you rather go to a therapist for advice on raising a child that is licensed in every field but wasn’t a parent? How serious would you take their advice?! There is a WORLD of difference between theory and experience. You can’t read about something and get the same affect. Anna is amazing and I’m glad to be starting on her program to real healing. 🙏🏼❤️

[@js2010ish]

The parenting analogy is a great one!

[@AnHeC]

Bad analogy. Do you need a doctor that puts your broken leg together to have broken a leg? Nope.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

I once told a mom that if she felt comfortable seeing someone who was familiar in working with moms and rearing children I completely understand. She cried back, “Well I would hope you wouldn’t think that just because you don’t have experience working with moms with kids that you couldn’t work with them! If someone’s a teacher they don’t necessarily have to have kids of their own to teach well to kids.” So therapists get it from all sides and it’s usually quite binary.

[@pavla2055]

A few years ago the first time I told a therapist of my memory of my mother's first raging verbal abuse at me at 5yrs old she told me that I must have done something to trigger that behaviour from her . I felt she was telling me that it was my fault and had brought her irrational rage onto myself . As I've always been the family scapegoat this was very shame inducing statement by her . I guess I was looking for some sympathy or understanding - maybe in the next life .

[@tnt01]

Bad therapist. You did nothing wrong. Stay away from toxic people who do not validate you. Your feelings matter, period. Hugs.

[@jasmineluxemburg6200]

Either she was a crap therapist or she was intentionally provoking you as a way of forcing you to feel rage and fight the internalised ‘ bad parent you are hauling about ! A risky ploy that apparently did not work out ! She could have said , ‘I have an idea, let’s try this out, stood on a chair, made you kneel on the floor, and told you to say now what you wish you had then ! ‘Saying louder, I cannot hear you’ ! The point being that you are comfortable feeling hurt and asking for sympathy, but where is your righteous rage ! You are robbing yourself of your energy, stuck where she put you! Only YOU can move from victim to survivor ! I would suggest you go back and ask for a reply of the scenario! This time you on the chair she sat on the floor, and you told to voice your mothers scapegoating words ! Why ? That’s for you to discover! Or you could get into bed, suck your thumb and complain to your inner guardian angel, write down fulsomely and see what emerges ! Exaggerate, whine and complain! I could explain why, but it would spoil the impact of discovery. So one way or another, just do it !

[@20sandi12]

I totally get this, Barbara. Lately I am looking forward to the next life.

[@anitat9727]

Therapy is going nowhere with me. Talking about it does nothing. Honestly, I find a lot of therapists are a bit out of touch with reality as well. Like I cannot take an undefined amount of time (aka drop out) of college to "process trauma" or isolate myself in a "safe space" forever. Nor do I have years to spend without any sort of improvement as my symptoms are already hurting myself and others and are getting worse. Or thousands of dollars to waste. Also I cannot put my life on hold to slowly "heal" an hour a week by a professional.

[@happyd1479]

This my last therapist said im more concerned with school and raising my child than therapy...smh

[@ljsunshine1232]

Happy :D wow

[@Melissa.Simmons]

Same. My therapist is like this. Nothing resolved. Don’t even talk on the issue and I still leave with the same problem I have. So the feelings still being there still make you feel bad or even worse. My therapist kept worrying about things that weren’t part of the problem. I knew what my problem was and where it was coming from, but I wanted to relieve the sense of depression and anxiety.

[@lucylocket546]

Honestly I think the advice I wish I could go back and give myself is to switch off the noise and pressure around me and spend time growing myself up. Get into a safe secure living environment. Create routines and stick with them. Earn money. Save money. Eat regularly and healthy a set basic menu a week that I just follow. Exercise. Write. Keep life simple until I’ve grasped each basic step. Create my own traditions. Take on life then more and more from that firmer base. Ignore what everyone around me says I should and shouldn’t do and be. Trust myself and my own instincts - it got me that far why didn’t I keep listening to my strong instinctive survivor self? Asking for help was the start of a whole new devastating nightmare..... The help destroyed me. Helpers often have unfulfilled needs they project onto you and it all becomes a bit of an unhealthy messy game. Can’t go back now. Wish I could. The trauma repair industry is just another form of toxicity, control, submission, infantilising. Yes pockets and elements are useful perhaps but over all even if you think it’s the best thing ever - ask yourself is it? Or is it actually holding you back and fulfilling a need to be cared for and given attention like a child? I suspect if people are honest they will find that that is the main purpose it serves.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is a brilliant observation. I hope you'll keep commenting, and/or visit the website and stay connected. I'm interested in your contribution to the conversation!

[@fonzi7451]

Thank you for sharing your good ideas 🏵

[@wyosha93]

I've learned more from CCF in two months than I learned from two therapists over the course of 6 years. Even the counselors on Anna's website have asked insightful questions that no one has ever asked me before but in a very validating, calming way. Thank you for staying dedicated to the cause. You are helping so many of us take control of our own healing. I don't want to waste another 6 years.

[@judepoynter3850]

You don’t just help people Anna, you save people. Please keep doing what you’re doing, it’s so very much appreciated by your devoted followers. 💐

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for the kind words and for supporting the channel. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@7thGenTexan]

6 thumbs down. Probably from 6 therapists who can't admit that Freud and Jung didn't know everything.

[@joyfulone1816]

You're so right 😆

[@elonever.2.071]

A lot of the problem is that therapists learn what is in vogue at the time and ten even twenty years later their mindset is still stuck there. Life moves at the speed of the internet and so do effective therapies.

[@ingegerdtheresesorrell338]

Freud and Jung was strange especially Freud I think🤭☺️

[@paulaschneider2759]

@@elonever.2.071 I want to marry this comment

[@teachersusanute199]

Omg - Freud, he was sick

[@tinahouston2575]

I have had some really bad experiences with therapists until I found this one I'm seeing now. I was not in a good place and needed someone who understood CPTSD. I'm lucky, I had help to find her. Still, I find that it only works for me because I do stuff like this stuff between therapy appointments and then wrap it up with my therapist who can help with giving me a different perspective on something I can't seem to work through on my own. One therapist was so bad that she would put on lotion and stuff during our session and told me that I'm the one being ridiculous with my PTSD symptoms of being dysregulated and my reactions to triggers which is why I was in therapy in the first place. Therapists are just people and most are well-meaning but they are people and some just aren't very good. Keeping in mind that a therapist doesn't heal you, they just hold space while you heal yourself. I love this channel. My grandson is going to need this when he gets old enough. I hope The Crappy Childhood Fairy is still around in 8 to 10 years when he is old enough to seek help himself. This is a great compliment to any support system geared toward healing CPTSD.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing this story, and for your kindness. The lotion! What a telling detail. I'm so glad you're here.

[@goodintentions1302]

I've been to several really crappy therapists. Yet the two really good ones I've seen have helped me a great deal. Both were of an age where they retired, ending the relationship. I have good friends who are therapists I respect and admire. I've also met therapists socially who I have refused to become friendly to because of their attitude about people and/or the environment. One, during a ride share, threw all of her fast food containers out the window as we moved down the highway. The driver, a mutual friend, complained and she said "It gives somebody a job! We don't want the mess here in the car." I told him to never again bother including me if she was involved. She later asked why I won't join them for lunch. She doesn't understand why she has problems making personal friends... Thinks we are all jealous of her! I'm 11 years older, more attractive because I take better care of myself, not obese like her, yet I don't wear new designer clothes or drive a new car. I'm glad I'm me!

[@puggirl415]

I've been trying to get therapy since the age of 18. I've had patronising therapists, hostile therapists, do nothing therapists among other failures. Finally, I simply couldn't afford it anymore. I started to go to a 12 step program of group support for Adult children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional Families. (ACA) In these rooms I was able to see myself, to hear other peoples wisdom, to not be interrupted when I speak. Tremendous support. Now after 3 years in I feel ready to work on my C-ptsd using somatic experiencing and EMDR. These seem like great therapeutic modalities. Each person has to feel like what they are doing is working for them. I will continue to use 12 step for daily support, my own reading and video learning and now my somatic/emdr therapist to make progress in my healing. I'm glad to have all these different things available to me. Thanks you crappy childhood fairy, you are part of my solution.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is a really happy story @puggirl415 -- your plan sounds like a lovely mix. I've heard great things, especially lately, about ACA.

[@joyfulone1816]

You ROCK Warrior 💜

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Oh! This just in. Look up Brad Yates on KZbin. He's the best, so kind.

[@lindseybeaver7905]

EMDR therapist here, Im so happy to hear that EMDR therapy helped to give you some peace and relief from chronic dysregulation. I just discovered your channel today and I wanted you to know I am both inspired and grateful for your movement and I will be sending clients your videos as resources into the future! You are certainly ahead of the curve when it comes up to bottom up approaches to healing attachment trauma and it’s clear you’re passionate about your mission from the depths of your heart. Best wishes.

[@mindfulmatty]

Thank you for sharing. I am both a trauma survivor and a trauma-informed therapist. I also spent about 20 years in talk therapy and medication and it didn't really help. So I have dedicated myself to learning more about mind-body healing modalities and have been meditating for 25 years and many of my clients came to be more traumatized by well-meaning therapists. I often listen to your videos and find them very helpful. By the way, what helped me was not EMDR but hypnosis. One size does not feel all. I think everyone needs to decide what works for them best. I am grateful that science is catching up with what I have been trying to share for a long time about my concerns with talk therapy and trauma, especially CPTSD. Thanks for all that you do.

[@elianaboer7078]

I’ve never heard someone else speak about something like writing a check and how shakiness and stuff affects a person “like us”. I’ve barely been able to sign my initials in front of ppl for over a decade. I thought I had ptsd and Parkinson’s at one point. Thank you for telling me I’m not crazy. I think it’s important to point out bc kids going through trauma cannot develop proper motor skills, which happened to me, and my kids. We can’t wait for the doctors to find a cure. We have to learn and heal on our own, and within our communities. God bless you so much.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

God bless you too!

[@RatedArggg]

I was lucky to find a good therapist on my first try. When I talked about my abuser, she said "You're talking about a horror story, except that it happened to YOU."

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yay, therapist!

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Hallelujah - preach! You are a revolutionary, you are exactly what a hurting, disregulated world needs right now. You are an expert worthy of a PhD - give me experiential knowledge over theoretical knowledge any day. Your gifts have made room for you, only be bold and very courageous. Thank you from the depths of my heart, you get it!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is about the nicest, most encouraging comment I've ever received. Thanks. I'll be bold and courageous for another day!

[@laurzee]

You had me at "the dignity, the sovereignty of our own healing." Yes and amen!

[@naomic77]

I used to tell people that I felt like I’d been run over by a truck after therapy. People never understood why, it’s good to hear there could be a reason!!

[@beth1776]

Had an amazing experience with my therapist. The relationship was perfect healing for me on its own. I had never had a relationship like this. He accepted me unconditionally .. that was the healing .. I went on and off for two years. I don't think I would be where I am now without this.

[@cqt9223]

"Who do you think you are...?" Thank you for your clear, assertive voice on this. Therapists need to remember that KZbin is social media--of the people, for the people. They don't own trauma healing, especially when the field is still so wed to CBT talk therapy, and still lags behind on what hurts and what helps around trauma. For me, somatic therapies were more helpful due to the dysregulation you mentioned--stuff to help get in touch with the body, like Rosen Work and craniosacral. I appreciate your sharing your personal experience and insights--especially valuable in this era of Me Too and systemic gaslighting.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you. Yes.

[@RunAMuckGirl2]

Bless you Fairy! "Who do you think you are?" Damn that one bites, don't it? Your response was incredible. 💞🥰💞

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It slipped out...

[@godzillamanstreb524]

My long scapegoated husband by malignant NPD mother had a wonderful old/school therapist who he saw for 4+ yrs......until the therapist was 86 yo......he was gentle, kind, with old-school psychology books on his shelf like “I feel guilty when I say No”......he helped my husband tremendously bc he listened, validated his horrific childhood abuse and agreed when my husband described his long-time pain & frustration.......he didn’t say a lot, but was a safe anchor that truly provided healing 💜thank you dr steigman 💙

[@ProxyAuthenticationRequired]

You're a beautiful, courageous soul Anna. Your candid, openness and being vulnerable revealing your own past struggles is inspirational and uplifting. In addition, your scientific approach is a welcomed approach. Dysregulation is real and is the first thing on the list to address. Words alone will never address the physical changes that first must be affected-and can. Good nutrition, regular, regimented sleep, waking up early, getting out, and exercising are vitally important. These three things first: Diet, sleep, and exercise. The next phase should be to have quiet time in the morning to journal and review your day's plan that ideally you prepared the night before. Follow this by meditating with visualizing a life beyond your pain identity. And paramount with all of these efforts is not allowing an obsessive replaying of your hurts and pains and speaking of them relentlessly. This only reinforces their potency and the hold they can have over a person if allowed. I hope anyone reading this knows their is a way out from their pain. There is a better life that awaits them filled with meaning and purpose with a great sense of wonder. You are *not* your pain or past dear reader. Heal your brain first with good habits of diet, sleep, and exercise. Then be mindful of your thoughts when they become negative and do not engage with them. It will be challenging in the beginning, but in time will become easier. Replace then toxic, negative thoughts for ones that are optimistic in long-term outlook and do not be discourage when you stumble, as you will, and again and again. But retain the steadfast faith that you are staying the course and things will improve, which they assuredly will. Then there will come a day when those stumbles, once seen so overwhelming defeating, are revealed as a testament to your endurance and record of the new path towards the better place you will find yourself. And the more you are mindful of your thoughts and control them, filtering out the negative and replacing them not with naive accepting of happier-ever-ending fantasies but with a hope filled optimist, resilient mindset directed toward genuinely putting in the effort toward reaching positive change. Practice habitual positive thinking with directed, planned action and review your progress without being discouraged during your journey toward healing. This review works best I find when done at the end of the day when unwinding and assessing the day's work and what is need for tomorrow. If you do these things, then indeed you will reap the rewards of positive change and our past, pains and all, will be seen as then mighty sources of wisdom and insight to draw from to do what is right and can and will bring meaning to you and the world around you. Lastly, I would highly recommend the book Atomic Habits. _"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts._ -Marcus Aurelius

[@buckyes6749]

I have been seeing a therapist now for the last 4 years. She is a blessing. I have also had 2 ketamine infusions in the last 6 months. Expensive, but seemed very helpful as well for my CPTSD. It has been a part of my life since I can remember anything, I am 53. My healing comes from multiple sources, and now I think I have found another one with your content/channel. Thank goodness

[@SusieQ1971]

As a LMFT I am learning so much from you and I send your videos to my clients and friends suffering from CPTSD. I would've never known you weren't a licensed therapist. We can all learn from each other. The last thing I want to do is retraumatize my clients by making them repeat traumatic stories or memories. I never force anyone to talk about things they don't want to and that are going to incapacitate them for the entire week in between sessions. Thank you for sharing what has worked for you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@lydieuhh]

Omg I can’t stop crying because this is speaking to me so much. I gave up on talk therapy because I sensed frustration with my therapist because I don’t think she understood CPTSD. It all makes sense now because I experienced the same psychological and physical effects after each therapy session where we discussed my past childhood trauma. I was bullied every day for my physical appearance and unfortunately my parents never knew because I was too ashamed to talk to them about it. This then lead to emotional neglect because they didn’t realize I was crying quietly in my room after school every day. It pains me to talk about it still, and I know that means I need healing. This information that you’re sharing has made me feel so validated and reminds me that there is hope. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@patriciavasara1051]

I've gone through four therapists throughout my life. The first two were excellent and really helped me. The third was a man (a pervert) who was always trying to manipulate me into letting him fondle/grope me (he called it: "healing bodywork"). The fourth was a woman who after 4 months told me she "couldn't not continue working with me because "we had different moral values" then dumped me. All that money gone down the drain. I will never get into therapy again.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm horrified about your creepy experience -- so sorry that happened to you @Patricia_Vasara! I hope you are persevering in REAL healing.

[@cryptoqwen882]

I recently took the leap and went to see a trauma therapist. It was an awful experience. The therapist was disorganised, told me I had to revisit my trauma memories, and that if I didn’t I wouldn’t heal. I have already done this many times and it didn’t help, only made things worse. If anything I felt retraumatised by this experience. I have started to really question if therapy is right for me and came across this video and channel. Thank you for all that you do and inspiring those trying to heal!

[@jaynej2884]

I absolutely love it!!! Yes!! Degrees arent the only thing in life; my mom has a psyche degree ... and yet is root of a lot of my issues... and says she has no problems. You know exactly what you are talking about! You ve been more helpful than many therapists for me!

[@ginger9475]

You are 100 percent right regarding the dysregulating affects of retelling the traumatic story. I don’t care what therapists say about this affect. So many therapists are like doctors, they think they have the right to demand that vulnerable people retell these stories, and when people don’t get better, take their drugs. Nothing worse than being labeled a “noncompliant” traumatized person who was just looking for help. Bless you. You are a breath of fresh air.

[@ashmcdaniel5503]

First, thank you for sharing about therapists. I've tried several times over the decades and it never felt right and I both wondered what was wrong with me and what was wrong with them. Second, to all the "professionals" out there who ask who you are to offer healing techniques: You are sharing, in 12 Step lingo, your experience, strength, and hope, and THIS is what makes your videos, and 12 Step programs SO effective. Thank you, thank you, thank YOU.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes! You get it, thanks so much for being here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@willj7628]

I got sick of reliving the past & being issued new labels & having to tell my story to people who had no experience with what I’ve been through. I just got passed from here to there until I phoned everyone & told them to leave me alone I don’t want to relive my past every week to a new person. Since then I’ve felt a lot better. I’ve studied mental health for 22yrs but I didn’t think anything was wrong with me. Little did I now how things had effected me. Great video 👏🙏🏻

[@AstarteDevi]

My first therapist, looking back now, was a complete narcissist, another psychiatrist named my ‘magical thinking’ but had nothing to offer as a solution, just made me feel like a ‘bad’ patient. I had a therapist off and on for 15 years who was covered by OHIP (public medicine) so I found comfort, and for sure learned lots because we did Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, but it was all performative because I intuitively knew an hour was insufficient. We always reregulated at the end with a ‘say your postal code backwards’ exercise, but my Inner Children were constantly being ‘put on hold’ by being promised that we would get back to them in the appropriate time. I’m grateful to Dr Julie, for sure, it laid some good foundation. ACA membership for the past year now has also helped. I’m now feeling ready to take 100% responsibility for my recovery, and not make a therapist my HP. 💗🙏 Blessings

[@Learning2luvME]

I just want to add my name to the list of those who have been helped by your daily practice routine!! I was going mad with the ruminating and getting lost for hours in my woe is me narrative. I finally tried your coarse after months of watching your videos and I have to say it worked right off. I felt better after a couple days of doing it. I did the meditation and my mind actually rested after months of it’s endless hamster wheel running over all my hurts and trauma. I recently divorced my husband of 33 years (37 together) and I felt I had no more reason to live. I fought everyday to find a reason to go on. Now I know this might sound wrong but I believe in God and I love his Word yet I struggled to actualized it in my life over all the pain I’ve endured over the coarse of my life. He sent me you, to get ahold of my thoughts. To first validate that it was real and than to encourage me that there is a way to freedom. I too have gone to therapist since I was 18 years old, off and on, I’m now 58. I too feel as if it doesn’t do the trick though it’s the given answer when one is struggling. I appreciate all my therapists, some where helpful some were not. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m currently seeing a new one now because of my thoughts of suicide- which have calmed down tremendously. I love to read and have started a very helpful book on recovering from narcissistic abuse ( foster mother and ex husband displayed traits of narcissism) and I’m going through all of your videos that identified for me C-PTDS, which I know I suffer from. I am currently trying to fight my way back to living outside of my small apt. and rejoining society. The time alone was somewhat helpful but I can see if I don’t become intentional about reconnecting it could go in the wrong direction. 🙏🏽🙏🏽 for me plz, it’s hard work😞. Said all that to say THANK YOU for sharing and I pray your continual ability to help others from your knowledge and experience. Blessings. ❤️❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for this beautiful note. These are all positive things you're doing; you are on the way!

[@Lisa-pn2ml]

Anna you have given me far more insight than any therapist I've ever seen. As someone who has worked in the field of mental health for 20 years and has been considering returning to graduate school to obtain my license, frankly the majority of every programs' curriculum I have not found relevant at all for preparation on being a good therapist. I have also seen many licensed therapists who should absolutely not be attempting to heal vulnerable individuals. Unfortunately there are large gaps not only in the therapist training programs but also in many 'therapists' themselves. *Thank you* for being an important part of bridging that gap.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks very much. That means a lot. I hope you'll explore my new book. I do hope it will be read widely by the professionals!

[@ketziahrhule2049]

I cried at the end, "that's who the hell I am and I hope that is who the heel you are too!" Thank you thank you! Thank you!! Thank you for the movement and all your work to bring this community to those of us that need it. I can't wait to start the all-access membership!

[@irislikestosew]

I wish I had watched this when it first came out. Have a psychology degree, and am a yoga teacher and haven’t pursued grad school because the tools I learned in yoga and online or in my real life helped me more than any therapy appointment where I couldn’t be myself. Also as someone with money stress, I feel that paying a therapist or manipulating my parents to pay for me was also not helpful. Thank you for providing free and low-entry-cost high value content!

[@laurahartnett]

this is amazing, so glad i found this channel!!! im 32 and have complex PTSD from childhood trauma and id probably say a few bad experiences during adulthood and i always thought "oh iv had all these terrible events happen i should go to therapy" and then i go and i just feel horrible during my session and then a few days after and during my last therapy session my therapist says to me "oh laura what are we going to do with you"!!!! since then i havent been back i just dont feel like its helping and finding the $$$ makes it tough aswell so i just dont feel like its a good fit for me personally

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I think that's perfectly legitimate -- it's not a good fit for you personally. I don't know how it became the end-all be-all of things a person can do to heal trauma. I'm thinking it's because insurance pays for it. That probably dictates a lot.

[@leonahearted2585]

I couldn't understand why after my therapy session I would feel nervous and drained not better. This happened with multiple therapists. Thank you for this video. I would actually feel uncomfortable talking with them about my childhood. My son told me to go try another therapist. You have helped me a lot in understanding myself.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Hi @Leona, I'm so glad if my experience helped you. Maybe the problem is not nearly as big as we thought it was. I was relieved, and hope you are too.