Being Socially Awkward is a Trauma Symptom

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Growing up with trauma, or in a family where you didn't learn basic social graces -- or you weren't free to have friendships -- can leave you lost, as an adult, in social situations.
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[@eelnoops5200]

In the beginning of this video you said something that really caught my attention when you said something along the lines of , "...until I learned how to heal my CPTSD symptoms." SYMPTOMS. I have been thinking of this, struggling with how to heal CPTSD, but really it's the symptoms that are problematic and the only part of the equation I have control over. 🤯

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

YES!

[@VioletEmerald]

Well I mean what are you thinking the word "symptoms" encompasses? Behaviors only? Intrusive thoughts and internal emotional reactions (being triggered or emotionally dysregulated) are all symptoms too. All CPTSD is is the symptoms. You're not "just" healing the symptoms but something else stays big and real and hidden. If you heal the symptoms you heal the whole thing. No one can change the past or erase the trauma or the way it shaped your life so far. But going forward you can be so very healed.

[@annarunkle9819]

@@VioletEmerald Healing symptoms is literally what is possible. There is no cure for CPTSD, but you can heal symptoms. In my experience they come right back when you don't maintain a practice that works to keep them regulated.

[@gregorydoyle4804]

With cptsd over an extended amount of time your defence mechanisms almost become your personality.

[@adrieinwonderland3748]

I had someone tell me that I’m awkward the other day and it really ruined my day. Then I realized that yes, I am definitely awkward.

[@hazeld3703]

I’ve been working on not feeling awkward about my awkwardness… I’m still awkward, but if I’m not worried about it I can reassure others. Like I’ll just tell new friends, “sorry, I miss social cues sometimes”. And I think it helps them relax

[@dwade1816]

What's more awkward is somone feeling like it's their place to telk you that THEY think you're awkward. It's like DEFINE "normal".

[@Makor1966]

“You’re mad, bonkers, off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret-all the best people are.” Alice’s father, Charles Kingsleigh, Alice in Wonderland - Just watched it this evening.

[@xLiLlyx98]

I mean, maybe some people also think it's endearing. The same way you'd call a cute shy person adorkable or something, Idk 😄 hard to say without having heard their face and tone of voice. But perhaps it was a lighthearted comment. Glad tho that you could gain something from it and it didn't "just" ruin your day!

[@imonorp02]

Same

[@Laz_RS]

My mother is a covert narcissist. Growing up, the social interaction that was modeled for me was to only talk about how horrible your life is. Too far into my adulthood did I realize people don't want to have a one sided conversation with someone who only talks about their hardships.

[@ramblingRJ]

My mother was a narcissist, too. The damage she did to me led to my repeating the pattern of victimhood by marrying a narcissist. I am divorced now, and very isolated.

[@Chelsey-cp1rd]

Oh wow I didn’t even know that this was something I experienced until I read your comment. Thank you! Just had a huge lightbulb moment.

[@ariahumasacha7740]

I can relate to that unfortunately. I thought talking about our problems was how we made good friends... 😪

[@sonnisaenz1952]

So true, I'm learning to not do that now at 63. People just run from you and never come back.

[@VioletEmerald]

My mom was similarly a covert narcissist who only talked about how horrible her life was BUT it was somehow very obvious to me from a very young age that his was not a model to follow. My mom had no friends and literally no one liked her. She was so isolated and even as a kid i didn't feel love for her. No one cared about her because she didn't care about anyone else.

[@riffmagos]

Isolation is the only time I feel relief from the social anxiety, on top of the every day, constant anxiety.

[@caoillainn]

Except the isolating makes anxiety worse. I have the same problem. :(

[@janalu4067]

Forget narcissism - POVERTY is a great hindrance to learning social skills! I remember kids having to opt out of school trips because they involved expenses for each participant for up to 2 USD. Two dollars!!!! And they couldn't go. Not to mention not having nice enough clothes to attend social gatherings that may actually be free. Child poverty is deeply affecting a large proportion of every generation. The effects are life-long.

[@a.w.3772]

You made some really good points.

[@janalu4067]

@@a.w.3772 thank you

[@JOCECIL]

Yesssss that happened to me

[@neohermitist]

Having grown up in a poor household, that definitely had an impact on me, but then my older and younger brothers were much more socially engaged than me.

[@janalu4067]

@@neohermitist ok. Can you help me test a theory: Do you think that poverty affects girls more? I'm just wondering if being 'socially accepted' is more appearance based for girls than boys? Not trying to start a boys vs girls here, just thinking 🙏

[@rmhjules7295]

I’m very socially awkward. I dealt with a lot of loneliness when I was a child and also extreme anger when I did something wrong. I was always shy and when I didn’t say hi to my moms friends or whoever it was always “ oh she’s just shy “ so I grew up thinking that I was the shy one and whenever I did something out of character I was laughed at or teased because I was trying to break out of the shy mold. My family was a “ children are to be seen, but not heard “ family. I’m now 43 and still trying to figure things out socially along with my true personality. Thus is a very interesting video ♥️🙏🏻

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement! Thanks for sharing your story. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@kobra4422]

I can relate. There's nothing more humiliating for a child than to be called shy. I remember at elementary school I started being more open and I was proud of myself, till my teacher in front of whole class said I am the most shy child and I need some special class or whatever. My shy 8yo self then confronted the teacher but it still stuck to me that I am shy and should know my place instead of interacting with others. Later I was repetitively made fun of by teachers and whenever I was talking, other kids were angry and trying to "remind me" that I am shy. Even at college I felt I will disappoint people, If I will answer the teacher question or do something "not shy". So pathetic.

[@iamaleo247]

@@kobra4422 I can relate to that.😕

[@marek9081]

@@kobra4422 oh my god! That sounds terrible!

[@Oshiiiiiiiiiiii]

I don't know if I'm on the autistic spectrum or just severely traumatized.

[@PanthORandPonAY]

Same. And it’s another thing to obsess on while being dangerously isolated.

[@rswear]

Same here! I've been told by a therapist I am on the spectrum but a little different.... What does that mean? When I've been around folks that are truly on the spectrum I see the similarities but I am also like no, my issues are not exactly the same. I defiantly see social signals but process through a myriad of possible interpretations before I try to act then panic if I got it wrong. And my mom is a covert narcist and the more I learn about CPTSD the more the pieces fit.

[@sirenamber]

They arent mutually exclusive. I've never met an autistic person who isnt also traumatized. 💖

[@serenity_in_reverie]

i do have autistic traits. since i was kid, ive always found being alone is what makes me feel safe and happy. i rarely get bored or feel lonely. but with my executive age (from adhd traits), i was clueless of normal social cues. not entirely clueless but sometimes i was just inattentive to my behaviors and surrounding. growing up in narcissistic household only made it worse. it traumatized me to have human interaction bcs all i heard from my parents was im a weird kid. so yeah traumas can escalate my autistic traits in bad way. im still learning how to find balance between the urge to be in my "nest" and stay for them a little while.

[@onthetrailcreations8638]

I’m beginning to think (and some science is too) that trauma and AS are very closely related. Especially if our bodies can be traumatized by exposure to a bug or toxin that we aren’t even aware of, that would explain how someone could be born with ‘trauma’. Lots of encouraging somatic treatment options now though too! Much you can do by yourself to help retrain your brain 😊

[@xuhongmao7292]

Away from my birth family, I discovered that I am the life of the party. Years of snide comments and “You will see what’s in store for you, when we get home” kind of threats really takes toll on one’s true personality. It’s really strange to have parents who are jealous of the child.

[@reynaGG8]

Exactly. I finally realized my mom was jealous of me and was a master of put-downs .

[@djosephine]

Yes. Took me 33 years to realize both my parents were jealous of me and would literally gang up on me and ostracize then bully me in the home. Two adults, ganging up on a child. A 6 year old. Imagine my lifelong social anxiety/awkwardness and confusion. Rather just be alone it’s safer that way.

[@jaysonb.6669]

I noticed this with my father who seemed to be jealous of me or always enjoyed making me feel less than in one way or another (if he ever paid any attention at all) . I wonder if it's because he lost his Father at age 13 due to a work accident wanted to take it out on me by "toughening me up" smh. Strange because his sister (my aunt) and grandmother (rip) were completely opposite personality's.

[@tanya_alex_comedienne]

My mom used to chastise me in front of elders for not greeting them appropriately before she even gave me a chance to greet them. We would arrive and she would do all the talking and suddenly turn to me and start scolding. I'm 29 now and I still don't know the right way or time to greet people. They start greeting me and I feel ashamed that I didn't greet them first. I feel so awkward when I meet my friends' parents.

[@random269]

I hope you can reach a time when you never have to talk to her again!

[@spacebar6020]

It’s crazy how an 8 minute video has provided this kind of clarity in my life

[@orpha9031]

I have CPTSD. I isolate way too much. Now I am at the weird point. I am so desperately lonely.

[@a.w.3772]

I'm sorry to hear that. Loneliness is a real epidemic, worldwide. I struggle with it, too. Church and volunteering in the community have really helped.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're not alone! Glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@peach411]

I have an unevenness about social awkwardness. Sometimes I’m up to pretending and sometimes I’m not. But thanks for acknowledging this exists, I realized from the age of 9-15 my parents were in the throes of severe drug addiction and my home life fell apart. No food,no Plumbing stopped going to school. Didn’t have clothes that fit me. Took me years to realize how deeply it affected me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Gracie.Gardener]

My journey out of social awkwardness has been long and sometimes lonely. I’ve often wondered if I was on the spectrum. I still struggle in large groups but now I shine when I am one on one. My growth mostly resulted from repeatedly putting myself out there by practicing social niceties when it didn’t really matter (like at the grocery store).

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@brokenanklesarentfun]

It's important to remember too that CPTSD is more common among autistic individuals. Being naturally "weird" is a trauma. This is why we are more likely to get bullied. Since accepting my awkwardness and desire to be alone often I've been happier than ever. No more "masking" and pretending to be neurotypical.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing your experience! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@kiwicatnip]

CPTSD is more common among autistic people? I didn’t know this

[@winxclubstellamusa]

Yes, it’s common amongst all types of neurodivergence. The trauma of being born neurodivergent in a neurotypical world naturally fills us with shame and fear, it’s extremely hard to be so fundamentally misunderstood by people. It’s even harder for us neurodivergent women as well.

[@brokenanklesarentfun]

@@winxclubstellamusa THIS 🙌🙌🙌

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@brokenanklesarentfun 🙏

[@designchik]

Wow, another painfully relatable video, Anna. I learned good manners as a kid because my alcoholic father was very strict. But what I didn’t learn was how to be a friend. I stumbled along in life, making friends along the way by drinking for liquid courage and being what people wanted me to be. I was a chameleon. When I could no longer do that, I stopped trying to make friends. I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 40s and have been trying to build an authentic self since then. I still struggle with social awkwardness and end up babbling when a conversation lags. It’s kind of funny in a way because I can see people’s expressions turn to confusion as I continue speaking. Of course, then I beat myself up for days and vow not to do that next time, but I always do. I’m watching your videos and I even became a member a few months back, but I’m procrastinating and am only halfway through the first course. I don’t know why I won’t put in more effort; perhaps fear is holding me back. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you’re doing. I don’t know what I would do without this channel. ❤

[@a.w.3772]

Your experience is super relatable!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand! Fear could certainly be holding you back, the Daily Practice may help alleviate some of those emotions :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@moniquemichelle7295]

You need to be on the National stage. I speak that into existence for you. People are suffering and have no idea why and you make it all make sense. Keep up the great work.

[@ddteevee]

❤ especially after the last ten or so years !

[@ExNihilo634]

You’re the best! Thank you for surviving your own trauma and thank you for dedicating your life to helping all of us.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Such kind words. Thanks for the support. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@kobra4422]

As a child up to 7 yo I was very talkative and social. Later I've experienced bullying at school that gave me social anxiety. I sometimes wonder why is it so easily for others to get new friends, date or make small talk. It's because they feel comfortable and I am always tense and other people see my fear of rejection as not being interested. There's lot of advice for women online that makes social awkardness worse, like play non interested, never talk first. It's awful advice for people with PTSD who already avoid any interactions and unwillingly make others feel unwanted.

[@kikilala3430]

Your comment make me tear up a little.. Remembering I had that similar past childhood, I used to be a very outspoken kid... But now I don't trust anyone.

[@cassieblessed6430]

I can relate. I was bullied once about a physical feature of mind when I was in the 7th grade and I have never been the same ever since. It saddens me that I have allowed that experience to have such a profound impact on me especially when I hear others experiences that was much worse.

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

I had a friend who taught me how to give hugs in middle school. My immediate family spanning to my extended are notoriously detached and nonaffectionate. My aunt and uncle don’t even tell us they love us. My sisters are still extremely uncomfortable with affection but I have to thank that friend of mine. She never forced it, but leading by example helped me learn how to express the love I felt inside. Now I’m a big hugger. Always gonna be a tad socially awkward but honestly I think it adds to my uniqueness

[@kelliesmith4068]

I have a neighbor who I like. She's kind & friendly, but when she is with ANYbody, she talks incessantly. When I respond to her questions she will listen for 5-10 seconds & then begins talking incessantly again. Recently, when she starts hi-jacking the convo, tell her I wasn't finished with what I wanted to say & she'll act as though she feels shamed. But when I finish she's talking incessantly again. Since I started establishing this boundary, she no longer talks with me. She's still nice, but doesn't attempt to visit anymore. I guess that's a blessing though because I do not enjoy when people monopolize a conversation. She is totally oblivious to her behavior, which seems so strange to me because I always make sure conversation is a mutually shared interaction. It's sad cuz I really like her, but it's never enjoyable to be a one-sided relationship or conversation. When she's with her husband & she starts monopolizing any conversation, his eyes & facial expression glaze over. But they've been married 35 yrs now, so to each their own.

[@VioletEmerald]

She sounds like she has a lot of her own CPTSD or some other similar reason to be so socially awkward herself.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

People like this baffle me as well but they really don't seem able to help it. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@malleriemakesmusic]

I’ve literally spent the past 2 days looking up videos about social skills when you have social anxiety, and then you post this 🤯 my mom had me convinced for the past 10 years that I was autistic, only to find out last month that she misunderstood the paperwork and I was never actually diagnosed. I’ve become extremely awkward and paranoid of how I come off to people bc her and my partner of 7 years have always told me “how autistic you’re being” as though it’s an insult, and told me that I had pushed people away or ruined social situations that I found out later I hadn’t. I don’t even know what to think of myself anymore 🙃 it’s so confusing

[@armeegetton]

I'm so sorry you have been talked to like that, whether u r autistic or not, its not something anybody should use as an insult or to judge u. I imagine they're not making your anxiety any better by saying things like that, and they probably don't even realize it. It sounds like you've got a good head on ur shoulders, trying to find some answers yourself. Live ur life how u feel is right, even if it doesn't turn out just how u want, atleast you'll be doing it for you

[@reegee2729]

😮‍💨

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, that is loaded! I'm glad you're here sorting it all out :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@proudscorpio46]

Wow that’s nothing short of evil… literally lying and conditioning you to feel like a screw up when you were completely fine. I would stay away from these people at all costs.

[@thekinginthenorth3222]

I have this problem and never understood why. Thanks for explaining

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're welcome. Hope it helped. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@yourenough3]

I am such an isolator and I have been for many many years I love nature , birds are my favorite. People hurt people and Im not really ready to reach out to make any friends . I'm going to be 50 and my last friend I had was in my late 20*s

[@christinarobleto1786]

You're not alone, after years of neglect & betrayal, I prefer my own company, I keep my interactions with others short & distant.

[@Helen-nv8el]

I feel for you and can relate. I'm almost 81 and still feel like an outsider looking in constantly. Animals are my refuge.

[@kirkkelley1899]

Ditto

[@TheDsgrant79]

Yep. 'Vulnerable to feeling shame' is a major factor in my social awkwardness and isolation. I also learned social grace by mimicking others.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand, glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@liabw05]

What do you mean mimicking others?

[@jasminegreene8159]

@@liabw05 watching how others conduct themselves and mirroring them (do the same exact thing as them)

[@RandomJe-oy5ct]

@@liabw05You learn by observing. Then implement this through practise.

[@Sun-God2]

I'm too lazy to do this ​@@jasminegreene8159

[@di3486]

I have improved in many ways but I think I will always be awkward. I was the nerd, ugly looking girl with various health issues that was chronically lonely. I realized that this is just part of who I am and I have to accept my awkwardness.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

There's freedom on owning our awkward selves :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@di3486]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yes!❤️

[@lovearttherapyalways]

I find myself often feeling socially awkward around women because I was ostracized so much most of my life by other women. I am a slim 5 foot ten inch woman that seems to get tons of male attention for some reason and when other women pick up on that they hate me. This makes me very nervous around women and often I have received snide or sarcastic remarks by women and I freeze and thing later what I should have said. I am older and still like this and I find myself getting really frustrated with myself and feeling so naive and dumb because I keep trusting people, who turn on me and than do the subtle put down thing or snide remarks as I said. I isolate alot because of it and I also feel sad and very isolated at times. I still have difficulty knowing how to act around jealous women.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You should come hang out with us in Crappy Childhood Fairy land :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@elissacollins1898]

This is my issue too.Its really sad that women are so insecure in that regard .I often hang out with my husband and his friends and no awkwardness at all BUT women hmm..

[@kobra4422]

Agree. Women are so hateful to each other. It's all patriarchy conditioning. I feel If I don't make myself small, other women will destroy me. Especially if you are an empath, you feel that pressure to stay small, where another woman with "bit** attitude" wouldn't care about the hate.

[@kareno7848]

I recommend reading all of Judith Martin's etiquette books.

[@lovearttherapyalways]

@@kobra4422 exactly!

[@h_llama]

Team Fairy, are y’all stalking me? I just got home from my first job feeling consumed by shame for being so awkward. Thanks so much for everything you do.

[@joysachs9032]

Mmmm.... being an Introvert AND having CPTSD is not a good mix!! 😕

[@katierojas8066]

I’ve been told I talk too much in situations. I have CPTSD and ADHD.

[@lugosi7308]

My 20s and 30s was filled with long stretches of isolation. I would wake up leave the house cause I wanted to be somewhere humans was not. I spend hours in abandoned buildings feeling a weird sense of relief cause I wasn't in front of what I perceived as judgemental potentially violent people. Now that I'm older oh boy am I know facing the repercussions of those actions

[@Lauren-vw3cn]

It's been EXTREMELY hard for me to adjust to the workplace as a manager, because having to deal with people and talk getting projects going and being a supervisor is so daunting due to my social awkwardness.

[@angieang26]

Why are you in a extroverted profession then.

[@Lauren-vw3cn]

@@angieang26 you get what you can nowadays *shrugs*

[@RandomJe-oy5ct]

@@angieang26Introverts make great managers. You’re assuming introversion and social awkwardness aren’t mutually exclusive.

[@ovidiudrobota2182]

I realized I'm a shame-based person --- toxic shame that is, which gets triggered when I interact with people. I'm painfully self-conscious around them. I can't seem to connect with them, and when I'm trying to have a conversation, I can't be myself; words don't come out naturally, so I have to force myself to come up with something to say about what they say, but it's so difficult and exhausting. I'm so uncomfortable in social situations, and I don't understand why. I'm also socially anxious and awkward. When I meet new people, my heart beats so fast, and it feels like I'm in survival mode; flight or fight. They get so awkward around me --- my presence makes them so uncomfortable. They can sense I'm not comfortable in my own skin.

[@deusahecate978]

I felt and done all the things you said you did in your childhood and teenage years. My parents didn't have a drog or alcohol problem, though they just were too addicted to work... Our brain can be so amazing and stupid at the same time. Thank you for the tips! ❤

[@passaggioalivello]

That's why my level 2 autism was overlooked. Symptoms can overlap each other.

[@alexoxo1]

I still can’t walk normally in my own home because I feel constantly judged all eyes on me.

[@sObad367]

I hope it gets better for you!

[@auntihooha]

I love that you watched others to find out how to be socially acceptable-- I did that, but not until I was 55 years old and after having dumped my toxic family. I watched women with their children; women that saw their children as human beings, not just something to dress up and control. I learned from loving young women--and men--and I should probably let them know how much their BEING helped me figure out how to BE. Irene: you and Ichabod are number 1 always.

[@aparkify]

I have been called "shy", "awkward", "weird" (and god knows what else) more times than i can count in my 49 years. What do people think they are achieving by pointing this out?! Just say nothing ffs.

[@GLOWUPGIRLLLY]

😢so true

[@spookykitty1912]

I have just discovered your channel. Wow, you nail it! I've watched several of your videos now. You understand and communicate precisely the thing that we experience. I feel so understood. I did therapy and that was not my answer. Thank you so much for this content! I'm in my 40's and I've never heard these things articulated exactly this way. Disregulated emotions, every single thing you talk about. Thank you!!! You're helping me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Welcome to the channel. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@emmadilemma3602]

My problem is that I was told how to do things in a particular way and shamed if I didn't. Now in middle age I'm discovering I can give myself permission to do things my way, although the criticism is still there. It's a fight with myself as I've been conditioned.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@jimmymiller9230]

You are a Angel in disguise. Indeed a very beautiful person. I've watched/listened to you videos and you have no idea how CPSD has done to me. I'm not even 50 and it destroyed my life and don't have much longer to live because of it. I will die with CPTSD winning.

[@a.w.3772]

I'm sorry to hear you don't have much longer to live. I hope things turn around for you. I hope Anna's kindness and caring in these videos help to soothe your pain.

[@OCDandme123]

Please talk don't go are you okay...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless, please keep hanging around. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@FormerHuman.]

That bit about learning how to use utensils in an appropriate way was really interesting! I hadn’t connected that to my CPTSD. But I have memories of being shamed and ostracized by the family for struggling to use a knife and fork together at restaurants and feeling completely mortified. Just hearing you acknowledge that aspect of neglect has done a lot to help me ease up on myself for having taken so long to figure out things like that along with other tendencies that have been misconstrued as rude or inappropriate as I try to navigate socializing.

[@M-i-k-a-e-l]

Not true in most cases. On the contrary, it is often a sure sign of health in a world gone bonkers by design of the rulers.

[@redwoods7370]

I'm socially awkward to push people away and avoid them getting too close or asking me to do something for them.

[@thoughts0utloud]

It's so debilitating. Isolation is way I can control the pain associated with my social awkwardness. If I interact with others and it doesn't go well, I can't stop thinking about it thereafter, to the point of needing to use substances to calm my brain. If I don't interact with others, I avoid all that.

[@Coco-xq7zh]

I felt that

[@NpR222]

the worst feeling is having to act like someone else to feel likeable very draining

[@ori_pilled]

@jazzyj2182 please don't bring religion into this. not everyone believes in (a) god(s).

[@Khem_RA]

“We get weird”. I understand what that means but I feel judged when I hear that phrase. Been describe that way too many times

[@susiflorence6960]

My N dad made me that way during my teen years. But after leaving home.at age 21..I began discovering I really was rather social..and developed those social skills....I'm an ESL teacher now. That helps a lot.

[@neutralbeige01]

can't tell if im "socially awkward" or undiagnosed autistic but i think my cptsd has a correlation to my experiences with social interactions and struggles with making lasting relationships, and i find in my research that i extremely relate to a LOT of what is said about the autistic experience especially for what is said about autistic adults, and that includes those "socially awkward" events aka my inability or great difficulty to read social cues, staring too much or inability to make eye contact at all, masking, etc but ofc this isnt to say trauma is a cause of autism because that is not true whatsoever

[@Elegant_Sausage]

I'm new here and maybe it's been mentioned before, but a lot of what you say can be applied to the disastrous Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms I experience. I went through a very violent and neglectful childhood and have also been diagnosed with CPTSD. So far the things I have learned from you are helping me understand myself way more than therapy ever did. I know I'll be sticking around and following your advice. I can not thank you enough for being who you are and for sharing your wisdom with people like me.

[@Queen_Sylvia]

I learned social skills by watching TV shows and skilled socializers. I am able to “act” smooth socially in most situations, but it takes a lot of concerted effort to calm my anxiety, focus on what the other person is saying, remember to smile and nod and come up with open ended questions to keep them talking. It works, but it still feels like a big effort. I definitely need a lot of alone time to recharge and recover for the next time. I definitely identify with the introvert label, but after learning more about childhood trauma, I wonder if introversion is really just one big trauma response. 🤔

[@RoseDances]

I feel like it’s okay to be awkward too. I think self acceptance of not being socially perfect is good. I think being genuine and open is best. I don’t think people care if we are socially exceptional.

[@waggawaggaful]

My most recent boss (before I quit and started working for myself) was an alcoholic who verbally abused me almost daily. His wife was always uploading idyllic pictures of the highlight reels from their life on the internet, desperate to convince her friends (and herself) that her life was enviable. I heard him bully one of his sons with an overtone of violence once and it deeply unsettled me. They are about to be in college and free of him, though. They turned out well and are both going to college on scholarships. They are lucky to have turned out so well. Anna, you turned out great as well!!! Thanks for all the hard work you do.

[@lucymorey93]

Dear Anna, The things you say have things I can actually do described! Nobody ever told me the things you make so easy..

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@sentienthemp8375]

Somehow you always find just the right video topic to post at just the right time. I've been struggling so much with social interaction in my new job so I really needed to hear this. Thank you for magically timing the exact stuff I needed to hear!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Happy to help! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@sheilaabrahams1322]

I had no role models for normal social skills growing up. As a young adult, I figured maybe I should consider their behavior and do the opposite. It helped a little but still socially awkward.

[@carolyn683]

I kept chuckling all evening about how awkward my husband and i were when we had company over yesterday. For some reason I found it so funny. At least I'm not crying about it 😊

[@Rogelio_007]

I have childhood PTSD. Thanks for posting this. I didn't realize social awkwardness was related to it.

[@SweetUniverse]

When your parents are alcoholics or drug addicts they might not teach you things - or anything at all. Mine didn't. They paid almost no attention to me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@bacsolo3719]

I'm in my 40's and I'm so socially awkward it's affecting my job and how I live my life. I enjoy being by myself and a loner. I hate it but I just don't know how to connect.

[@observer.b_e_l_l_i_s]

Likewise, this is especially a problem for men in the present day. Live to see it ill be 40 next year with not a friend or family member in sight. Part of me likes it that way for various reasons while the other part is nipping away physically and mentally because thousands of years of conditioning knows this is not the way.

[@6ixalive]

@@observer.b_e_l_l_i_sI’m 17 and have friends who want to see me but I think I’m starting to show my true colours” wanting to be alone” and I think it’s creating awkwardness and I think me being from the suburb and them being from there and my school I find that I just won’t ever have the same respect and not even with this I just moved 2 years ago here what ever fuck all I know is I can’t understand how people feel I don’t even know their perspective and it’s starting to frustrate me that when I talk to people my mind wants the convo to end as soon as possible so there’s no real genuine connection on my end I feel it’s one sided and I don’t think this way will stop I don’t look at people and think like good I don’t even, my mind just starts thinking about other things and I take in nothing from what they say and sometimes I interrupt and it kills the vibe and is just so awkward yea they carry conversation on after easily but it makes me feel like fucking shit that I just at this point there’s no point in killing my self if no one would really care anyways might as well just live around

[@6ixalive]

@@observer.b_e_l_l_i_swhat I’m trying to say is out of all my opportunities in life I feel better feeling bad and I know being alone is the way to fix it but then will I regret it so bad I end it I don’t know anymore man I can’t even understand how my dad feels I have absolutely no remorse like I can’t feel what they feel if someone fucks with me and I befriend them they will always be able to understand my perspective I will never understand how someone else thinks or how I will never feel their soul, their real soul presence I will never feel it never

[@Akanchwua]

Abuse made me really ashamed of using my voice so I find it really hard to speak in groups or if there are a few people present..I find it really triggering and then I literally can’t speak :( I wonder if you’d be able to talk about this in a video? I think it’s called selective mutism but I’m not sure. Once I haven’t spoken for a minute or two it becomes involuntary and no matter how hard I try words won’t come out💔

[@glenbateman5960]

I'm not socially awkward. I'm just socially disconnected. I'm the guy who will accept an invitation to a party because I don't want to be rude, then spend 9/10ths of the evening out on the patio playing with the dog, with neither of us ever feeling the least bit awkward. It's a gift.

[@jc3858]

I literally have no social life. I try to change and when it’s too much it’s like you’re asking me to go into a gladiator arena about to fight a lion with a hammer. How did I end up like this when I was doing acting as a teenager and very popular? I literally have no social life and don’t do anything.

[@vd41091]

I'm in the same position. I'm guessing you also don't have many friends or any at all?

[@aquarels]

This is good. Thank you so much. I have not been gentle and I have not been humble although I always thought of myself as a humble person. The truth is I’ve built up a wall to not get into awkward situations as much and did that by being arrogant and definitely not gentle. And I realise now that I chose to come across as not a nice person over people thinking I’m low confidence and awkward. So then I beat myself up for being not liked and people avoid me. And what is really profound is to realise that those traits first start with being all that to yourself first. I’ve not been gentle with myself at all. I really believe your video has helped me tremendously. You’d think being an adult you would know to be gentle and humble but as it turns out it has not been self evident. I now believe I can truly work on my awkwardness. I didn’t think I can change that, but I think it’s actually quite possible. I thought I have to go back to my childhood and pinpoint out the instances that made me this way. Maybe that’s not necessary. I am looking forward to implementing these personality traits in my day to day going forward ❤

[@littleninnie]

Oh god, yes and it's sooo painful😢🤧😭

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It is, but you're not alone! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@janaplchova9778]

Yes, I’m socially awkward. 😢

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You're in good company! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Africanbeautyy93]

It is SO a trauma thing, thank you for this!

[@adriansteele7023]

So....I've always felt a massive amount of shame because I frequently have awkward situations...and I thought it's just because I'm weird, and people could tell, so i prefer to be alone because theres less chance of feeling shame from another awkward situation. Now I'm guessing I had some kind of childhood trauma?? Couldn't it just be I'm too sensitive to awkwardness

[@kareno7848]

Read all of Judith Martin's etiquette books. Seriously. She shows you how to interact and what to say.

[@joduffy6851]

I cannot express how much I appreciate you. Thank you for doing what you do.

[@filippersson5256]

Since traumasurvivors obviously are among the strongest mentally, maybe how they work should be the norm. Rather than an individual who had easy goings.👋We are wide open and empathic. They are not.

[@martinisawe6300]

I dealt with my social awkwardness back in highschool when i didn't have friends. I went out my comfort zone and start talking to people. I became very comfortable and made friends, I was also very social. But recently when i got into landscaping, i became VERY socially awkward, usually i can deal with my awkwardness but this one is past my comfort zone. I became very quiet and completely self conscious. I was afraid that they'll see me as a weirdo and odd. Regardless i help out my team whenever i get a chance and befriended some. It still doesn't take away my social awkwardness, but the reason i have is, is due to trauma when i worked with my old man doing landscaping. Though watching this video almost made me teared up that im not alone

[@calel3396]

This is huge for me because it understands my experience and situation. Thank you for making this❤

[@phage160]

I have never heard this before. I always thought it was just me. As I age I am withdrawing more and more.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's not just you! So glad you've found this community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Time2Go2Work]

I used to be such a social extrovert… I don’t even have a friend left

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

If you're interested, try Connection Bootcamp -- it is a course developed by Anna and it provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

[@PNortRyan]

I hate the tills in shops, any shop. I get the sinking feeling they dread me coming back again. The que, my turn, how do I stand?, where do I put my hands?, how do I position my arms?, I’m hunched, stand up straight!, she smiled, I didn’t smile back, lips are dry and sealed shut, do I leave my mouth closed, or open my mouth?, no don’t open your mouth, it looks dumb. Horrible feelings. And, funny enough, I had a very difficult childhood.

[@stargirlmystic4670]

I’m not super noticeably awkward with talking to people . But I meet new people and once it gets to super emotional moments or I feel like I’ve opened up A lot I feel embarrassed after I’ll talk to someone give my number and ignore people when they text or call. I want friends but once I feel a bit of emotional connection I pull back. Definitely grew up in a neglectful home. Lot of trauma that turned into bad friendships and an abusive relationship in my late teens and spent 20-23 spending way too much time alone. And I know it’s not normal. It’s frustrating

[@somber087]

The key is to let go. But its hard

[@Spritualhealing_CRISTINA]

I have CPTSD severe but i m able to start KUNDALINI, aka full pressence smt even outside meditation due to this & also me loving pple,, animals,, human interaction,, i do well in SOCIAL situations hlf the time, the other hlf i struggle but only when my fears hit, when very tired or around dangerous pple which makes it normal fight flight but i m way better now in my 40s due to my yrs of meditation & Mindfullness. In full presence u stop the mind hence u can control what emotion u feeling which makes life easier

[@grandevizier]

I used to be awkward but now im not. I was heavily traumatised from a dangerous childhood but at some point it just went away. I wish it left sooner though, but im so glad that it's gone!

[@fourplay8374]

Ive had a very sheltered upbringing (to a point it could be considered overly sheltered upbringing). Ive been socially awkward all my life (because of the feeling of being considered 'boring' because Im not quick witted, also I might have issues related to my own image/appearance). Ive gotten more comfortable with accepting who I am rather than forcing to be someone Im not. However that doesnt really help with social anxiety or awkwardness. I dont know how to deal with it, alcohol definitely helps alleviate some inhibitions but I dont wanna make it a necessity for myself to be intoxicated to avoid nerves in social situations. I dont know how to improve it, some people say do more public speaking (but that's my biggest irrational fear)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Calming triggers can make it easier to connect and socialize. Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp is one resource for that: bit.ly/CCF_Connection. Also, Daily Practice is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@cherp5837]

Anna can you elaborate more on what it means to really connect to people on a “not so “ personal level.. I have friends at work who i go out on vacations with and attend their functions but i still find them passing mean comments somewhat jealous way It breaks my heart

[@johnjohnstone9805]

My Teenage Dream Was Not To Become Somebody But To Disappear Into The Anonymity Of The Outback. But I Contracted Agoraphobia When It Become Possible To Live Out My Dream. How's That For Bad Luck? Now I'm Humiliatingly Dependent On The People I Wanted To Isolate From. I Found Basic Relationship Stuff Impossible To Master Forget About Difficult. So How Do You Learn Anything When Your System Is Awash With Anxiety?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Keep on seeking solutions to re-regulate. Don't give up :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@johnjohnstone9805]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks I'm Pretty Isolated For A Long Time Now. And I Found Self Honesty Was The Best Therapy I Could Get. Was Studying Spiritualty For 10 Years Before I Discovered Narcissism Was A Thing 18 Months Ago. There Teaching Self-Honesty Not Only As The Path To Healing But The Path Of Enlightenment. And I Got To Say Being More Honest Is A Relief And I Wish I Was More Honest With Myself When Young. But I Couldn't The Shame Levels Was Too High.

[@schoolwork232]

Thanks for sharing.

[@luiz5478]

I feel awkward around straight men. I have been heavily bullied in school and now at 40 I feel uncomfortable around them. I tend to isolate myself and I feel many of them try to reach out and want to befriend me, but I feel too awkward to let them in

[@kevinrainey5181]

Wow, this was eye opening thank you

[@xxChacaronXX]

As a kid I was really good at sports so I came off as a cool kid. Thing is I have PTSD so I’m awkward. I feel that people hate me because I come off as someone who should be charismatic but I’m not. So I think they think that I hate them and ignore them… but in reality I wanted to connect with people better… even better than they connect with each other it seems like.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing. You might like Anna’s course ‘Connection Bootcamp’. It can help improve relationships with acquaintances and the people closest to you. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

[@person2702]

I am so awakard.. every time!! I have shame of myself

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Use Daily Practice for those shame feelings! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I'm Socially awkward too...

[@mobgamer6346]

I’m pretty sure I’m traumatised, because from preschool to year 2 I had NO friends whatsoever. Because of that, I didn’t know know how to make friends until I saw someone, and thought to myself “If I sit next to this person everyday silently, I’m sure I can make friends with this person” and did it work? Yes. I became best friends with her and it fixed me, kinda… I think because of that past trauma, it’s drilled into my skull and kind of followed through. I find myself very awkward with people and hard to come up with topics, soooo, yeah…

[@Pizzahutbaby]

I just feel like i dont know how to react, then i react wrong and not how others expected, so i end up feeling shame because im excluded from things😅. Had a bad background, and im probably on the spectrum somewhere. Acting how others want me to is just confusing, i wish people would be more accepting of others flaws.

[@-of7mb]

I don't Wan people to get close. I want to become better I keeping them away.

[@DEE80041]

I think you are answered prayers.

[@King_David_97]

I was really socially awkward growing up.

[@junevo7104]

this is so sweet and brings faith back to my healing thanks

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@sujatakarmokar2158]

I just know nowadays who the narcs are..I keep them at distance. Rest are fine

[@joshuabuchanan1141]

There's a book called: awkward, why were socially awkward and why that's awesome (I think that's what it's titled) when I saw it on Amazon, it made me cringe soooo hard, because I don't think anyone wants to be socially awkward🤦‍♀️🙄

[@joshuabuchanan1141]

I knew being socially awkward is a social trauma

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

How does my psychologist determine that I have CPTSD AND autism, when I experienced early childhood neglect, as the symptoms are the same?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Licensed professionals should be able to diagnose one or the other or both. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@jab1289]

Mark Passio has talked some about the trauma that people grow up with, and how people have to do the shadow work to overcome it.

[@JustaNobody-j8x]

I have dealt with a lot of trauma growing up in which it had stunted my social skills and developed social anxiety hence I have been bullied a lot and treated like an outcast due to my social awkwardness unable to maintain proper communication with people and causing misunderstandings. I also wonder if I’m on the spectrum as well. As much as I do push myself to go out in order to combat this, as I am getting older I do see my symptoms gradually getting worse and I feel that I am starting to see myself become more socially isolated.

[@KevinChinn88]

Amazing video with great points. Thank you for uploading this 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@SunShine-mg1eh]

Thank you so much for doing this. You amazing. You have no idea how much you have helped me. God bless