3 Strategies to Help ESTPs Avoid Being Toxic | CS Joseph Responds

[@borisvandruff7532]

This material is gold. 1) ESTPs are usually right when they think they’re being mistreated. Usually, not always. But since Ti parent never seems to repent of stupidity, they think they are ALWAYS right about being mistreated. They lose friends this way. My wife’s former best friend is an ESTP. She basically went out of her way to make my wife feel like crap due to lack of interaction together. “Why don’t you ever ask me what’s going on in my life?” turns to “Why don’t you care about me?” Not giving benefit of the doubt. Classic Templar behavior. We need benefit of the doubt but absolutely will not give it, ever, under any circumstances. Lolololol 2) ESTPs eventually just need to grow up. And that isn’t shaming. It’s just reality. They need the time to accumulate their own life experience to reach maturity, hopefully without doing too much damage to others along the way. I knew an ESTP who went through 2 marriages and 7 kids between them, and several arrests for public intoxication and bar fights before he finally grew up and assumed responsibility. Don’t be that guy.

[@TokyoTaisu]

"We need benefit of the doubt but absolutely will not give it, ever, under any circumstances." ESTP God-complex in a nutshell. Call it out and you get gaslighted. Great post.

[@sylviaowega3839]

Very interesting and accurate analysis of the ESTP! What is your type, btw?

[@borisvandruff7532]

@@sylviaowega3839 INFJ

[@sylviaowega3839]

@@borisvandruff7532 That is certainly not surprising. There are no other type that can assess, analyze and understand other types than the INFJ. Much of this requires a great deal empathy, logic and intuition. As an INTP I am learning much about the MBTI, but am not as proficient as the INFJ.

[@borisvandruff7532]

@@sylviaowega3839 you’re so sweet. Thank you.

[@_vurb_]

this blew my mind in terms of realizing that i may be an ESTP instead of an INFJ. I have identified as INFJ for years and only yesterday took the udja quiz which yielded ESTP. I immediately started watching more of your videos on ESTP (honestly i don't really trust other sources; you're hands down the most creditable-and that also comes from being mature enough to admit your mistakes, thank you). i've come to understand many similarities between INFJ and ESTP, but thru this video, i 110% feel like i fit this more. I do want to know for sure what i am so i can learn to admit the negative qualities i have and work on strengthening them. I'm not able to commit financially at this time, but i wish i knew how i could be more involved in this community until i'm financially stable..

[@underwaterpanther]

This is such an important lecture! My mother is an estp and totally ran away from all her children aka didn’t take care of us. I see loads of immaturity in the estps I have come across. They do run away from responsibility. Not all obviously, but this is so important to be aware of.

[@sunsetmist7]

If this would be a new series for all types it would be great!

[@choco1199]

Yes

[@doctor393]

I second this. It would be controversial though. Do it 😭

[@davidpapojr8531]

In the Enneagram system, types 2, 5, and 8 are sometimes called the "Rejection Triad" because they can be prone to rejection and may have a hard time relating to others. However, they are also highly relational and can be good at helping others. Here are some things to consider about these types: Type 2 These people are generous, demonstrative, and people-pleasers. They can be disconnected from the natural flow of giving and receiving. Type 5 These people are perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated. They can be disconnected from the natural flow of life energy. They can also have a hard time trusting people and opening up to them emotionally. Type 8 These people are self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational. They can be forceful and aggressive, and they assert control over themselves and others. They can thrive on deep, emotional connections.

[@maupeccin]

I told my ENFP partner these steps almost to the letter a few days ago lmao She sure knows to be desirable, and teach it as well. Thanks, Chase. Great answer.

[@saraschemmel]

This was actually a good video with proper strategies to help ESTPs. However, this isn't them being toxic. This is them being triggered. When ESTPs form bonds and begin to experience emotions for people they start to feel like their physical survival is being threatened. This is related to their Si nemesis. Si is related to survival instincts which are stimulus responses. Then their Fi trickster which uses "reality testing" to determine what emotion their Si function is perceiving and what to do about said feelings tricks them into making horrible decisions because their shadow is projecting and their trickster is causing them distress. This distress and perceived threat brings in only horrible, negative future outcomes (Ne demon) of which their Ni inferior essentially can only see their impending death. This is why ESTPs are known for saying "tomorrow isn't guaranteed" because they are basically walking around seeing their death every single day. So their Fi trickster which makes fight, flight, freeze decisions after their fight, flight, freeze response (Si) gets alerted and they attack with their Te critic and their Ne demon destroys any future possibilities with this perceived threat of which they then decide to flee the scene afterwards. A couple hours to a few days later, when they are no longer in fight and flight mode, they realize what they did and feel guilty as fuck, know they fucked up, and think they won't be forgiven and will end up being only rejected since they already destroyed the bond and think it is best to leave those they hurt be and just move on. They need unconditional love, loads of compassion, patience, and understanding for them to finally figure out their shadow to deal with emotions.

[@RaffertyMBTI]

4:24 templars are even mirrors when in demon mode.

[@SS-bu8ez]

Life is too short to be with a failure. Ain't nobody got time for that. These people need to take personal responsibility instead of expecting to be spoon-fed like a baby 🙄

[@ishami5004]

thats why we run away tho

[@ninasolum8868]

@C.S.Joseph You are a life saver! Your tactical advise is priceless. This ESTP I decided to take on for analysis is off the chain and making me question my love for experimentaion. The "lonlyness" description is more right than you know. I'm finding even friendship overwhelming. I need my alone time. ~INTP **In response to the comparison idea: (Before I typed him ESTP{ I triecd to compaire him to someone, and I found it infuriated him...I entend to join your site as soon as I can})

[@sylviaowega3839]

I’m an INTP myself and see how you find your friendship with the ESTP draining. We just tend to be more understanding of their idiosyncrasies. In all honestly I am the type of person that very really sees, or interacts with the same friend for more than once a week, as even a close friend can be draining.

[@jonathanchappell9503]

I have a feeling you are a good friend to have.

[@brucesabatoni3410]

I'm an estp and I'm loving your stuff. Thank you.

[@DanLagos28]

You're so right about this 🔥

[@dereakcolumbus3603]

This guy must have been super hurt by an ESTP in the past because , he bashes us pretty bad. My dad was an ENTP and we didn't get along great either. I LOVED him but he just never ever understood why I didn't act or think like him. : Newsflash: ESTP's check in on others as a projection , Yes. But checking in on people forges community . Communities, create a city , cities make up the world. Checking in on people is a good thing. ESTP's are highly efficient and misunderstood conversationalist. And so, the rejection they mirror isn't their fault. ESTP's are very very warm people. We just are . Notwithstanding , We ARE TRUTH BEARERS. not mean, just truthful. Could we soften our approach ? yes. Could we be more understanding? absolutely. But we are the best of the 16types. Additionally, People will never like us in sincerity because the world hates the truth. as developing children, we learn this early and learn mirror techniques to show people how they ACTUALLY are and not how they perceive themselves. Just sayin, C. S. Joseph. Also ... You are loved by at least one ESTP. We are not all bad. Even so, we arent all good either. But ENTP and ESTP's are just not a good match . We don't understand each other's approach to life. P. S. ESTJ's are the real problems of society , interpersonal relationships , and every thing else. Trust me, they are secret monsters.

[@aqua0452]

i'm an ESTP but i kinda feel like he called me out ngl

[@JR-ow8xg]

No type is the best, ESTJs are not a problem for society, CSJ calls out everyone (I bet you haven't listened to other videos but your own type) and no one has the absolute truth no things. Every type has their weaknesses and strengths. Any type with chaotic cognitive transitions and expedient thinking is a problem for society. and the truth about things is not necessarily the way you see the world.

[@dmoon6137]

ESTPs are immature and refuse to grow up. That's the crux of the issue with this type.

[@desmonddart5163]

Tbh I don't think he meant this video in any degrading way. I had a lot of difficulties understanding the ESTP, but thanks to this video, I do niw understand, that ESTP behaviour that I would perceive as evil and hostile, rarely is meant as such. Beneath their mean surface lies a warm heart, that just needs patience and understanding. I wish I would have seen this video way earlier, before I lost a beloved ESTP friend of whom I'm pretty sure would have been a great match for an ISTJ like me.

[@dereakcolumbus3603]

@dmoon6137 what does " grown up" mean?

[@_snai]

This video is extremely spot on

[@desmonddart5163]

I (an ISTJ) had something going with an ESTP woman. It started great but suddenly, when we started to get real close, it is like she made a U turn and pushed me further and further away. This went on for two years and she even got another boyfriend now, making me cut all contact with her and block her. Seeing your video now I realize I had not fully understood her, allthough I observed and collected all possible data about her as much as I could. She often contradicts herself and I couldnt find a way to understand or even handle it, leading to our forever split. Now I know many of these things of hers happened unconscious and I start to wonder, if I really meant so little to her in the end or if this his just her way of handling social life. Thanks to your video, I think I can understand her better now and allthough I have already lost her for good, it finally helped me understand her. Leaving her might have been a mistake, but after two years even my durable patience met it's limit.😕

[@ishami5004]

sorry to hear that,usually if they run away its cuz they feel like its themeselves

[@starsgazingss]

Sorry to hear that. You had rough experience. I am an estp women and I do those kind of things too unconsciously, difference is that it happens in my friendship. When I feel even a little rejection, my minds assume the worst and I completely push some people away from me, if not most of them, or maybe all of them. I tried to reflect why I do that, maybe to get ahead of them, to reject them before they can outrightly reject me.

[@desmonddart5163]

@@starsgazingss Well, I think in her case it had much to do with unresolved childhood trauma. Her stepfather, who meant alot to her, had to leave when she was a child because he and her mother broke up. This sets a deep rooting fear of loss in ones personality, leading to rejecting people, before they can reject you. To this day I miss her so bad and hope she is fine, but even if I started contact again, her deep rooted trauma would lead to the same fatal outcome. I wish I could have made her happy, but I'm not able to.😔

[@starsgazingss]

@desmonddart5163 i hope you don't put too much pressure on yourself for that. no one is going to be able to make her happy, that is until she decide to learn how to be happy. on these days i realize that being happy is a skill, i will not be able to be happy unless my mind body and soul are used to it to a wavelength level. as cheesy and expected it sounds, i have to agree that happiness start from oneself. i have yet learn to be happy, at least i am learning to accept myself slightly better now. i hope you are better off too right now.

[@patti9415]

Perfect and brilliantly stated.

[@mayhawthorn5092]

my son's estp girlfriend is feeding my son who has cancer, with tons of junk food even though she is supposedly an expert in medicine. If I didn't hear this lecture, I might think she was trying to kill him, but instead she is just not responsible.

[@starsgazingss]

Me with my food science degree snacking ultra processed food🥴 Anyway I just can't help it sometimes, or a lot of times. Healthy food has been getting more and more pricey these days (a factual excuse)

[@ninaivana1106]

great lecture that made me understand / open my heart for estp's.. there are some really wild ones out there 😅

[@dannyman2k]

The guy on the bike at 18:05 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@vanessad.l4930]

Not as fun as the one at 11.47

[@sylviaowega3839]

We recently hired this 18-year old whom is a male ESTP, and get along with him on average better than most of my other colleagues. (The majority is my colleagues are ESTJ’s, ESFJ’s, ISFJ’s and ISTJ’s). He is not adapting well to his school and really hates the school system that he is part of, is not very confident, and has some difficulties with sone of the corporate rules of my work place. He also comes from a family that is very well educated and well off.

[@sirbradfordofhousejones]

Wow, what a video. Hittin home

[@mirai6681]

Please make a video about how to not care about what other people thinks as an infp

[@solym6070]

Thanks, love your educational style I have a question, the ISFPs aka The ARTIST, I mean, their purpose is to do art On the other hand, the huge-historical art was made by xntps like Da Vinci who was an entp i guess. My question is: what is the true definition of art and what is the real different between the art who comes from Fi and the art who comes from Ti Also, intjs and enfps are good artists too. Sorry for my english

[@sylviaowega3839]

Our new ESTP colleague will get along with me enjoys talking to me, but I know deep down inside he will not heed my advice, so I just listen to him and don’t volunteer to solve his personal problems. -INTP

[@susmateja]

(an alternative explanation to a lot of ESTPs watching - the personality test might be skewed towards ESTP, I'm not an ESTP, but got that result twice giving different answers)

[@ma_iii]

Very useful thanks

[@Dolph-fe2ks]

"Rebel & start their own thing..." Hmmmmm.... 🤔😉😎🤜🏼🤛🏼

[@majavidova4311]

Yes, they / ENFjs and Estps/ do treat the closest people like crap. I’m not sure about their spouses , but definitely close friends, coworkers and subordinates.Also , shiny celebrity is a thing with enfjs.

[@dmoon6137]

Especially their spouses. That's why they have high divorce rates.

[@majavidova4311]

@@dmoon6137 that's sad but from I've observed they have lasting relationships because they usually pair with Si users..I don't think they always treat the nicely though

[@Dolph-fe2ks]

"They are *CLUELESS!"* HAHAHAAAA shutcho mouth, Chase! 😂🤣🤜🏼🤛🏼😎

[@vanessad.l4930]

This guy at 11.47, exhibitionist, or how to say "scratchionist", hands down ! Would it be possible to compare infj and estp doorslam ?

[@jaredvaughan1665]

good episode

[@michaelp2147]

Bro is smokin with facts lmao

[@babycakes8727]

I can’t figure out if I’m an INFJ or ESTP. They both sound like me.

[@sylviaowega3839]

The one female ESTP I know is married to a male ISTJ.

[@aladdout9454]

its not just enfjs and estps haha. All templars do treat the ones close to them like a bit harshly...maybe infjs the least but shockingly a lot for a FJ type

[@noban419]

I believe in giving all people shit tbh, I hate doing it to my family more than others. i want equality in this world, everyone hates me hehe

[@aladdout9454]

@@noban419 wdym by giving shit I'm curious haha. also whats ur type

[@noban419]

@@aladdout9454 good question, I give all types of people shit. Usually its just telling them the truth in a way that makes me look nice and makes them look slightly less nice, but I like to think I give people the chance to correct mistakes. If not, then its either avoidance or violence. I think violence is a great ancient tool that has been under-appreciated and misunderstood in modern times. What type are you you seem very smart

[@noban419]

@@aladdout9454 are you an INTP that’s my guess

[@noban419]

@@aladdout9454 oh and I’m an ESTP

[@an_anishinaabe_son]

Why does an INFJ become an ESTP when on weed?

[@honor9lite1337]

You mean coffee?

[@simpletomash]

Cuz sometimes weed has the effect of a stimulant, which sends u to ur subconscious

[@an_anishinaabe_son]

@@simpletomash when I drink coffee, I don't go into my subconscious. Might there be a different reason, maybe? I have to vape my prescription medical cannabis or I cannot socialise in large groups at all. I used to be involved with stuff that involves law and politics...both are corrupt, and now I am doing other things (because I despise corruption even in myself, and I want to help people grow in unity). I like to help people to grow together, but I struggle to be around large groups of people for more than a few minutes. After God, my script for cannabis allows me the strength to be in large crowds for much longer. Edited to add: I'm in night school (for Emergency Medical Services..aka EMS programme) and vaping my script chills-me-out! Edited again to add: when I said 'i despite corruption even in myself ', I was not calling myself corrupt, I was just saying that I strive to always do the right thing.

[@aladdout9454]

@@honor9lite1337 yeah no thats a bs theory imo

[@aladdout9454]

also alcohol...

[@noban419]

Haha I think you became the avatar of the perfect friend I need right now and as you would say I cannot deny the truth no matter where it comes from hehe

[@DARKELLAKEL]

Damn, I gotta admit, step 1 is legit…..

[@starsgazingss]

I don't think the last resort will work on me. Actually, it will, I will improve but give the better treatment for someone else. Cause comparing is just suck. Listen, I'm not into holding grudges, I am just uncomfy to give anymore performance and effort to someone that enjoyed other people performance more than mine. Though true that my improvement can only be reviewed by the same subject, I mean, that's what make senses, right? Still, it hurt my ego and I'm pretty jealous pussy for that, I am willing to ignore my logic to safe my ego for those kind of situations.

[@aladdout9454]

You once typed this entp kid on the channel who thought he was an estp. I believe your largest audience is entps tbh who have mistyped themselves

[@simpletomash]

That's actually interesting to me. Tho I personally could see it as that type of audience being ESTPs, since they don't trust abstract topics like these and they are outcome focused so they wouldn't like to invest money into something they are not certain enough.

[@k0j747]

Cant the data be wrong? Still if your going pff the test its very likely people mistyped themselves.

[@simpletomash]

So the more I go and live by the truth as an INFJ, the less people will be able to put up with what I stand for and my criticism for their viewpoints. Makes sense why loneliness has been a life theme of mine.(+ my lack of development definitely has inhibited, is inhibiting and will inhibit me from having more quality people around as well. But there will always be a lack of it to some capacity, I am just waging the gap)

[@kimtopology4257]

Heathy ESTP'S I watched a video on a few of that type one is married and faithful to his spouse and children ESTP'S do their own thing and they don't care what people think of them your wrong in saying that they are afraid of what people think and also wrong about them being rejected they again don't worry what people think and getting people's approval . So inconsistent of their type it's not funny .

[@nemesis27]

Fe 😂

[@simpletomash]

Now that I think about it... literal cluelessness is linked to Ne huh? Since you *LACK .SPOTTING. CLUES.* And clue in this sense would be lack of acting on cues and signs and since those are external+ abstract, since we are talking about mind work and ideas of what may cues indicate, it would make sense to me that Ne is the one aligned with being literally clueless

[@JosephMcdonald-xz5js]

Ne isn't concerned with anyone's clues It's concerned with the ideal

[@dxfifa]

Ne Si has to see the pattern happen and learn from it. Ne/Si don't pay attention in the moment to anything but words, but they are excellent at analysing patterns of behaviour. They're just a bit slow to see the subtle changes

[@LauraINFJ]

Amber Heard, Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Donald Trump: ESTP?

[@mrod8578]

Donald Trump is an ENTJ. For some reason some MBTI sites mistype him as an ESTP.

[@mrod8578]

@@ckotzer Donald Trump is Te primary. He cares what other people think about him and what people think in general (unlike Ti who cares much more about what they themselves think). He's a populist for this very reason. Like him or hate him he has a very strong following (unlike Biden whose voters rarely show up to his rallies and in very small numbers when they do). Donald Trump lacking Fe could also often care less about the feelings of others. It's Fi inferior (his internal feelings) leading to Fe demon ( not caring about the feelings of others) that leads him to stepping on other people's toes and at times coming off as emotionally immature and often unnecessarily combative in things like his tweets. It applies to his relationships as well.

[@TokyoTaisu]

Amber is a wayfarer with Johnny, typical pirate fighting lol. Angelina Jolie ESTP absolutely, Madonna ESFP. Donald Trump I believe is an ESTP but it's under heavy debate when you join that school of thought. Many believe he's an ENTJ but I don't see it.

[@rahmahtajalinadifa8177]

​@@TokyoTaisu For president, Theodore Roosevelt likely an estp, let's hand this on cs

[@Beyou0120]

​@@TokyoTaisueven Leonardo DiCaprio is also estp but pretends and choose to be reserved in front of camera.

[@michaeljohn7996]

ESTP here

[@infinitezen10mm]

You have made an ESTP Cry. In a good way 😔🥹

[@dmoon6137]

If you cried, you're mistyped and definitely not an Estp