Cumtown: The Chris Benoit Story

[@andrewryanwasright]

Nick Mullen in a writers room is just him doing weird Chinese voices into a tape recorder. Playing them back, shaking his head in disapproval, and then redoing them forty more times.

[@BalsamicJeebs]

nick mullen method acting as a chinese guy

[@DanGleesac]

For a role he didn’t get^

[@patrickmccutcheon8860]

I’m part of a group on Facebook where people think that Chris Benoit was framed for some weird reason or another and I keep getting kicked out for saying the Boflex salesman was the one who set Chris up.

[@werewolfjoeestevez]

Hey I got kicked out for saying my dog got possessed by Chris 😂

[@thesleekgreek]

@@werewolfjoeestevezlmao what is the name of this group

[@gallusdomesticus5478]

This might be the funniest thing I’ve ever read 😂

[@ShackSalmon]

That’s fucking awesome 😂😭

[@jacobmccain8082]

Kevin Sullivan had his hooks in that Boflex salesman for years! People forget that... 😂

[@Xylus.]

I can't believe TAFS actually got Neil deGrasse Tyson on the show.

[@TruckNutzMudSlutz]

I saw it and couldn’t believe “Neil da gayass Tyson” had come full circle. And that he was actually funny

[@paulcallahan7727]

Maybe they pitched this to him. And I'm gay.

[@LordBeezleDwarf]

You mean neil degayass?

[@eight_hundred_eighteen]

Monumentally gay

[@mastercharlesdiltardino8058]

Adam has some family connections 👃

[@SplFEEDit]

Killing his son w/ wrestling moves is definitive proof that wrestling is indeed real.

[@AJPark-sm3ry]

Too real

[@siddharthavicious108]

Or it was for them

[@condor237]

“Let’s go bankrupt by starting a studio with every cent from the patreon” damn prophecy

[@ReallyBigBrother]

😭😭😭😭

[@alexanderthegreat1270]

What happened?

[@mutestingray]

@@alexanderthegreat1270 they went bankrupt because they started a studio with all of the money from their patreon

[@liamsweeney4754]

@@alexanderthegreat1270 TAFS

[@DannySullivanMusic]

haha! amazing

[@pokemongo-up3rq]

I love Stav trying desperately to make Neil DeGrasse Tyson the real killer.

[@GrundleTwunt]

Neil DeGrassyNoel Tyson

[@tictacterminator]

i love stav for trying its so nice to see two guys try their best to contribute to the show and also adam

[@WAcrobat19]

I mean Neil deGrasse Tyson is a monster (I fucking hate him so much bro, how can you make astronomy and astrophysics so boring??????????)

[@jomama2078]

@@WAcrobat19astro n omy

[@fuzzydunlop7928]

"You have to start a family firs- " "DASHA GET IN HERE" and Adam's flustered response - awkward perfection.

[@DannySullivanMusic]

haha dude great comment

[@primethread]

3:13

[@finnsweeney406]

Much like the use of the death of Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks, they use the death of Chris benoit and his family as a jumping off point into a far grander plot.

[@jstratton1981]

A man of culture I see, Bookhouse Boys 4 lyfe!

[@telophasemusic]

"Diane, I had a dream of a talking Bowflex."

[@Ohfishyfishyfish]

Instead of the does eat oats and dozy don'ts song, he keeps repeating triple H's entrance music

[@zamnodorszk7898]

Stav pushing the NdGT storyline and just coming up against Nick’s realism storyline shows the inherent fractures within any writer’s room.

[@greggoat6570]

Writer’s rooms generally suck for that reason, everyone has an ego and wants to cram in their shitty unfunny or stupid ideas

[@callumbrowne2081]

Inherent fractures in the chair stav works in

[@DannySullivanMusic]

you're entirely correct dude

[@zamnodorszk7898]

@@DannySullivanMusic Not a dude, but extremely gay

[@hoonaignachowaneha]

All I see is fractures in your heterosexuality.

[@lugie69]

they really do shine when theyre trying to write movies

[@DannySullivanMusic]

agreed dude. 10000% right

[@StudioNostalgik]

The post-credit scene having Vince in a cloak be like "You've done well, my apprentice." would be wild.

[@bigben42]

I hope NDT watches this one day

[@mothballmouth]

Maybe now he will

[@ciepastrefa1004]

TND

[@josecarbonell1984]

@@ciepastrefa1004total Neil degrasse

[@cuntinue]

Hey dad

[@dr.2335]

‘Fat Matt Damon’. I understood *instantly* who he meant. Great call.

[@jessewest5456]

Don't give him too much credit people were calling him Fat Damon for years before this lol

[@TOMMYDACOMMIE]

​@@jessewest5456fair, but I also knew who he was talking about lol "who is fat matt Damon? *Thinks for 2 seconds* "oh Todd from breaking bad." Lmfao

[@dr.2335]

@@jessewest5456 chill yourself shoo now

[@Chiefs_fan1595]

Jesse Plemons. He’s lost weight recently through intermittent fasting and he’s worried people are going to think he’s on ozempic. So we can assume he’s probably on ozempic

[@neighborhoodmusicsnob5517]

He got Kirsten Dunst. Automatically better than actual Matt Damon.

[@DannySullivanMusic]

Imagine if SNL let Nick run the joint for a year

[@liamulrich5274]

It would be like 1970's SNL

[@saltedcrypts4780]

It would be funny again

[@peterframtid5168]

It would finally be funny for the first time ever

[@TSL73]

It would make the whole crew gay

[@rightothen3510]

Sounds like you might be interested in a little program from a couple of very nice gay gentlemen called “the Adam Friedland show”

[@drock529ful]

Every time I bring up Neil DeGrasse Tyson, I always say “Neil DeGrasse Tyson or as you might more commonly know him as the inventor of the bow-flex”

[@MoskHotel]

I can't think of Neil DeGrasse Tyson without thinking of CinemaSins or any shameless cameo he was part of.

[@EnwardSnowman]

Remember when Adam pulled a Chris Benoit on his white linen pants clear through to the chair he was sitting in? That was a great Cummer Clam. Totally worth the pay-per-view

[@junkiejackflash]

I'm still surprised the jug of soap won a title fight

[@TheSnowysealstudios]

in high school my older brother made a short biopic with his friends about the ultimate home workout like a week after it happened, where chris benoit was played by the skinniest emo boy they could find and his kid was this super buff 30 year old with a full beard who’s only lines are “Daddy no!!!”

[@dcjburn138]

Why were high schoolers hanging out with 30 year olds?

[@huffingpuff]

@@dcjburn138 good question. That’s so odd, it’s not like people have family members or family friends.

[@0ptimuscrime]

Funny if true!

[@ericoffutt9499]

@@huffingpuff still kinda weird you gotta admit but I’m almost certain this is satire but it also sounds plausible so I want an answer from op lol

[@unknowniam121]

@@huffingpuff Instead of schoolfriends?

[@zzzzz45zzzzz79]

I very rarely rewatch anything but I find myself coming back to this one a lot

[@TheScience69]

benoit still has a living son who wasn't there that night. i don't really recommend finding interviews. not only does he look EXACTLY like his dad, but he's very in denial about what happened. he thinks there's a big conspiracy to frame his father. he also says his dream is to become a wrestler called chris benoit jr and he seems to not understand why that is never going to happen. talks about Benoit like he was a hero. it's VERY sad to watch.

[@zachhagan6239]

He rocks

[@roomdog40]

Wow. Didn't know this.

[@MrTornado7]

That’s fuckin hilarious

[@strnglhld]

Lmfao “chris benoit jr”

[@Pentagathusosaurus]

If he ever finds this video Neil degrasse Tyson is in real trouble

[@bluechalk6275]

This is the Chappelle's Show Rick James episode of podcasting

[@versaarchi]

Lmfao thats perfect

[@titanfighter12]

Will Poulter as Chris Benoit would be phenomenal

[@elbowjuice2627]

I think Tilda Swinton would knock it out the park

[@Cinerary]

Will Poulter just goes balls deep on gear and gains 100lbs of solid muscle for the role Then he rages and does the same crime Benoit did in real life.

[@Brett101792]

4:50 I haven't laughed so fucking hard in years😂

[@bryanpassifiume8255]

I still come back to that clip when I need a laugh

[@jack_rabbit]

the truly great saga of our time

[@shannonballspen1s482]

I know its subjective, but this is easily top 3 bits by the cum boyz

[@NoFlu]

Haven't been gay for that long (only like a year or 1,5) but suprised I haven't found this one before. Not top 3, but should be recognized for a classic...

[@EdTrollington]

Definitely their magnum opus. A gay magnum opus.

[@drewreich9274]

So gay I'd even say its a magnum nopussy

[@yesman9792]

Nigerian shark tank is my favorite.

[@fmbighair]

“Cum Boyz” lmfao….the Z is a nice touch.

[@Slop_Dogg]

the greatest story never told

[@canislupus3655]

Watch Benoit: The Last Battle

[@winterkingbeats4183]

4:50 This gets me every time. Classic.

[@dwightschrute7021]

Will Smith doing African voice had me rolling 🤣🤣🤣

[@bzenga5981]

went here expecting to learn about the chris benoit story and left knowing even less than i already do

[@mikemo1993]

Watch the KZbinr ‘Dreading’. The dude has a pretty good JCS styled true crime commentary video on his life and the events.

[@bzenga5981]

@@mikemo1993 lmao already did banger channel

[@mikemo1993]

@@bzenga5981 fer suree, cheers mate 🤝

[@MikeWallace-r3x]

The only thing you need to know is that his wiki page was updated with his death before it was officially announced. And when they traced the location it was in Stamford, CT home to the WWE Head quarters

[@patrickmccutcheon8860]

@@MikeWallace-r3x No it wasn’t dude haha they announced it on the WWE website at like 2:00 PM that day. I was a wrestling fan at the time in like.. fifth grade I guess. I looked on Wikipedia right away and started Googling and it wasn’t updated yet, there was only the WWE link and then news articles started popping up.

[@mathewpickels2745]

"The greatest story ever told" -some might say

[@bobhollywood4093]

This. All of this. I've never wanted a movie or series to be made more than I wanted this to be made. This was possibly the funniest thing I've ever heard.

[@peteschweddy4263]

Welcome to OG Cumtown. 🤣

[@LewdCowboy]

WWE 2K24 BRING BACK BENOIT!

[@mr.awesome6011]

Just create a wrestler him. Just don't upload him online or he gets deleted

[@swapper5684]

They ought to produce a full length Benoit documentary with zero jokes in it played 100% straight and then at the very end have the documentarian close with “and also I’m gay” then fade to black

[@UCannotDefeatMyShmeat]

My favorite Benoit story that comes to mind is the one sbfp Liam told a story about going to a match and bringing a sign that said “bring back Benoit”

[@SeppukuAddict]

RIP sbfp

[@cuntinue]

Niginpeace

[@YungCountertop]

I love how at 20 something minutes in Adam and Stav try and get off the subject but Nick doesn't let it go and makes them keep going 😭

[@Sandy-o6k]

Reminiscent of the Clapton interview where Stav is like "I'm sure you have somewhere to be..." and Nick just keeps talking about robots in his ass

[@versebuchanan512]

I heard someone say if Benoit was a fighting game character, his special would be called Crazy Bibles

[@Sazilla]

He’s in Day of Reckoning on the GameCube, possibly others

[@PS1-Hagrid]

Pretty sure that was super best friends. Probably matt.

[@fuckiopussigetti453]

@@PS1-Hagrid side b for bible throw

[@MoskHotel]

He'd probably be in Street Fighter as a DLC fighter.

[@JohanCruyff-wj4pf]

He'd be a character in Twisted Metal Black.

[@Restrodsworth]

I swear to god a guy at college told me he crippler crossfaced them all.

[@telophasemusic]

That "reverse vitiligo" reveal had me howling with laughter.

[@Okayand33]

The schizophrenic imagery here is on par with the Big Chill

[@greggoat6570]

Faulkner worked the night shift at a power plant while working on some of his earlier novels such as The Sound and The Fury so Stav managed to be halfway right, although I still suspect he was probably thinking of a different writer.

[@brotherhurricane7124]

I was thinking The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

[@keeganst.christian3909]

he shovelled coal for the power plant 12 hours a day writing as i lay dying, he definitely was talking about that

[@thinkinyblinko6666]

Stav actually wrote a version called The Steak and The Fries, didnt sell too well because he ate almost every copy. I have one though because i pried it from his greedy fat fingers before he could devour it.

[@greggoat6570]

Thank you for the clarification about As I Lay Dying, I just started that one incidentally.

[@Brandon-tk2rw]

@thinkinyblinko6666 "The steak and the fries, signfying stuffing"

[@big_hat_logan]

That Bowflex was possessed. Benoit was innocent

[@1338-c9s]

“I was drinking all day I swear” “Bullshit you were at the bowflex store” 😂

[@thisisntanoption702]

This video is gold, I I haven’t laughed so hard in years

[@TheLokiBiz]

11:08 - Oh shit, Benoit wasn't framed by Kevin Sullivan, it was Neil Degrasse Tyson all along!!!!

[@MSUParker]

Stav saying the crippler crossface is a literal finishing move is crazy lmao

[@pugachevskobra5636]

Lmfao holy shit

[@justinpharand8454]

15:00 Randy Savage best part

[@EastboundAndDowns]

This is the very first bit I ever heard from them. I didn't quite get it then, but Macho Man Randy Savage saying "I'm gay" hinted that there was potential. After that, I heard r/smalldickproblems and here we are.

[@PaulHenning84]

4:52 I shot soda out of my nose laughing

[@whrobert9940]

Listening to cum town and playing FM. Dude we might be the same person.

[@deansheridan3720]

FM is for people who got bullied out of playing real football in school

[@whrobert9940]

@@deansheridan3720 it's for the autistic

[@NoPe-n1j]

@@deansheridan3720cumtown is for gay twinks so that checks out

[@briansimerl4014]

It's really really funny that Neil was on Adam Friedland after this!

[@PR0MAN01]

Get Pedro Pascal as Eddie Guerrero, inspired casting

[@siddharthavicious108]

Dissappointed Adam didn't ask Neil about this when he was on tafs.

[@zoomlensshow]

Thank you for reuploading this!

[@mrscruffles801]

This is on par with the fnaf storyline in terms of being a Gordian knot of a plot with a lot of contrivances told out of order.

[@omegaaspire7700]

The Darkside of the ring did a episode on Benoit, with Jericho talking, its worth a watch.

[@kitpalmer1583]

I really want Nick and Adam to write a scripted show

[@FicByPab]

29:10 “no scientist will ever own me in any way whatsoever” 😂

[@MeltedMase]

24:03 God I wish so bad that one of them knew the lead singer of as I lay dying tried to put a hit on his wife and went to jail for it and they could have somehow worked that into the story of Chris Benoit

[@tylertheguy3160]

Funnily enough if it wasn't pitched as a complete shit post you could probably get a Chris Benoit miniseries off the ground.

[@nunyabusiness9013]

His name reminds me of those Chinese "Benoit Balls." 🤣

[@adamhaas1]

This is very on par with "Me Play Joke"

[@fimmywa]

the macho man / hulk hogan outta nowhere fucked me up real good also i'm gay

[@MrEsposition]

11:20 to 12:00 is fucking insane, I want this as a netflix original so bad

[@peterframtid5168]

I wish they kept going with this bit, it’s so funny

[@andrews4717]

I was doing push-ups listening to this when I got hit by the Hulk Hogan police call. I fell on my face I was laughing so hard

[@doesanyonehavegum327]

I listen to this bit at least 5 times a month

[@Truffle_Pup]

The second I saw this I burst out laughing, Nick is a god damn genius

[@siddharthavicious108]

I would watch the shit out of the Chris Benoit Story: The Life of Nick Mullen

[@DavidLLambertmobile]

Note- Carnegie Mellon University is in Pittsburgh PA not Ohio. 🎓

[@NoFlu]

I'd do the intro like that: It start with a blackscreen, with Macho Man's police call playing in the background (but only a short message to check on his friend, he thinks something isn't right) after a second long pause, jump cut to the movie. Its a slow shot acroos the floor of a room, about feet height so you can't see a lot, most you can make out is a completly trashed room, broken coffee table, shards on the floor, feathers from a pillow, a metal-WWE folding chair, some books. No music, just some noise. After a while you see some legs walking, they stop at a workout bench with bowflex next to it and sits down. The person sitting, puts down an old, cassete player in front of the bench. A tape is entered, the player is shut and the tape starts spinning as you can hear police sirens approaching. Come on feel the Noize starts playing, getting progressivly louder, it cuts away from the player to show the person is actually Chris on the bench, who works out. While the song gets louder you hear police enter thr building, shouting the usual "room's clear" "go go go" and "stack up" and as the song reaches a crescendo you can see the police breach the room he is working out in, as the door is behind him is the door, out of focus though. At this point, you cannot hear anything but the music.... *Cut to the title card*

[@Claire443]

Needs to be more gay.

[@NoFlu]

@@Claire443 I wrote a whole ass paragraph about a fake movie that'll never get made, that's gay enough

[@therealCamoron]

When does he kill himself?

[@NoFlu]

@@therealCamoron when the police bring him to jail, he gets a cell with a window. Then a car parks on the street outside, blasting Quiet Riot, to which he hangs himself "Eppstein Style"

[@mutestingray]

This?

[@blakes8901]

on his wikipedia they call it a "lat pulldown machine"

[@matttriano]

SHADOWY FIGURE?? How'd you GET this job!

[@jacksavere6988]

Give nick an adult swim tv show

[@bigdad6993]

1 o clock 2 o clock 3 o clock rock.. boys will be boys

[@baphomette3234]

this is probably the worst I've felt as a human being to laugh at something, 10/10

[@cdgchucktaylor]

the writing of this completely factually accurate straight to netflix series was touched by the hand of god

[@leswhynin913]

Odd but i was just at a Canadian Tire in Edmonton (Benoit's hometown) with my two sons who were fascinated by a Bowflex

[@matth7742]

Came for the pod, stayed for FM.

[@ATBatmanMALS31]

He used to shop at the Publix I worked at in Peachtree City, GA. He was like 5'2", and was a pretty good dad/guy... was anyway.

[@Dubyahh]

This show would rock so hard hahahaha

[@internationalparam]

Much better gameplay than the other people on here

[@inkployd]

Listening to this as I’m at the house he killed his family out. I grew up next to them in Fayetteville ga

[@westreynolds1568]

this is what the aaron hernandez story should have been

[@BigSmoke-bu6ib]

Did anyone else see the Chris Benoit Tribute posted by SoftButtCheeks?

[@4337GLE]

Fake Wrestling, True Crime: The Story of Christ Benoit

[@ThouArtEverywhereAndNowhere]

Neil deGrassey Knoll Tyson

[@daytona-x7b]

stop bass boosting smh

[@alpharoo2581]

How else can the boys compete with the legendary Howard Stern show?

[@whatsursource]

Great album pfp btw

[@gravy3858]

@@whatsursource what is the album ?

[@judeaucoin5028]

@@gravy3858 big fish theory Vince staples dawg

[@Kaminoextragalactic]

Were this ever available to watch without a paywall? This is the funniest shit ever 😂

[@louieo.blevinsmusic4197]

Evidently Benoit had another son at the time that was older than the other two. Feel so badly for him. To lose basically that entire side of your family because you’re own father and your last name completely tarnished.

[@folkblues4u]

I would watch a Craig Bengay movie.

[@MechaObama]

Chris Benoit for real used wrestling moves on his family?

[@Justinhirsh19]

Yes, he killed his kid with a finisher wrestling move.

[@macrussell78]

He lept from the rooftop and delivered a diving headbutt to his son through a table.

[@elmerjfapp5730]

he suplex his wife and bounced his kid off the matt after launching him from a ladder, tragic but badass

[@bodybuildingABC]

i think he used a choke hold to put them to sleep. i might be remembering wrong

[@GovernorRiffRaff]

@@bodybuildingABC he used the cross face crippler to do in the mom and diving headbutt his son.

[@TheFunklin]

"CHRIS JERICHO, HES A COOL GUY" That comment aged poorly

[@Cinerary]

He’s still cool

[@dotbluer9041]

‘Bowflex’ named Gateshead FC official kit sponser

[@BayaRae]

20:20 "She's reading again." 😆

[@willelliot4001]

Carnegie melanin university

[@Mlotshaw1]

You need to get Jericho to play Benoit and then hire a younger actor to play Jericho

[@rumham2834]

Y'all watching on your home theater system?

[@tearsforspears]

One of my favorite episodes

[@crackthefoundation_]

Back in 2000? My mom's friend called out Chris Benoit as the hottest wrestler because you can kinda tell his vibe is off Sick (Love you Debby)

[@TheLokiBiz]

1:45 - Actually he had a couple other kids (they were both older and from another mother) - I feel especially bad for dude's surviving son. The poor bastard has done several interviews in the past couple years where he talks about wanting to get into wrestling himself - He even said he wants to go by "Chris Benoit Jr.". Seriously lol. No major wrestling company would go near the kid with a 50 foot pole to begin with (due to no fault of his own, which sucks), they DAMN sure wouldn't put a "Chris Benoit Jr" on TV hahaha - His only shot would be if he went by a different ring name and hid his identity (hard, cus the kid looks just like his dad)

[@pattheesmkid]

Crams Ben-oit. Had me fuckin dying