D&D Players, What was the funniest combat encounter you've had? #2

[@outrankedfrank7244]

There was a Hobgoblin that was stealing crops from this farmstead our party was temporarily living at. The owner of the farmstead had hired us to find the person responsible for stealing crops and we found him in the middle of the night. Our Paladin instantly started combat, but after one round it was evident the hobgoblin had no intentions of being violent. We ended combat and spent the next hour (no I am not joking) explaining to him how to grow his own crops, create his own farm, sell the crops for profit, and other various capitalistic traits.

[@callumfinlayson-palmer8393]

That's wholesome lol

[@ElZo1212o]

How spreading capitalism ends violent conflict and crime: dnd edition.

[@SuperLumianaire]

@@ElZo1212o socialists: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.

[@SuperLumianaire]

Awesome. Also, I love your photo.

[@limey3272]

Capitalism fixes the very same problems it causes. Now if that hobgoblin can buy land with the money he doesn't have for food.

[@danielrudfalt5723]

Fought Strahd. Stabbed him with wooden stakes... 18 times. My party were on super low hp and I still had half my hp left. So I decided to just stand my ground as my part retreated. I had 10 wooden stakes. When Strahd removed the first stake, I asked my DM if I could try to grab it as soon as he threw it. "I'll allow it, only because you have the odds against you". I managed to stab him with a wooden stake every round. And I managed to grab 9 of the stakes as he threw them. After the 18:th stake had been removed, my DM had Strahd just up and leave. My party were laughing so hard at the end of it and I was dumbfounded that it actually worked. I even had a bucket of holy water prepared to hit Strahd with. But he was so done with me that he just left.

[@addison_v_ertisement1678]

*slams desk* 18 stab wounds!

[@tonywalker3541]

Not sure if this fits, since it ended up not being a combat encounter, but it's still hilarious. Also, sorry if this is a bit long. So my sister was DM-ing a White Box D&D one-shot. I ran a human fighter, while my brother ran a dwarven thief. Our mission is to save the princess of the kingdom we're in, who was kidnapped by monsters. After many goofy shenanigans (and my brother rolling up a new thief after his 1st one was killed by goblins) we find out that the monsters who took the princess were a clan of orcs, and we eventually find their hideout: a large network of caves at the base of a mountain. A bit of exploration later, and we find a grand banquet hall filled to the brim with gold, treasure, and a metric ton of feasting orcs. Near the back of the room was a large throne where the chieftain was sitting, and beside him was a large crate with a tarp draped over it, most likely where the princess was being held. Being low level PCs (I think we were level 3-ish), there was no way in hell we could fight our way through this. My brother (the thief) decided to sneak around the edge of the room and pocket as much loot as he could carry, completely disregarding the mission at hand. Given the circumstances, it might have been reasonable to simply grab what we could and make a run for it. But, I was set on rescuing that princess or die trying. So I did something that was so crazy it just might work. I stepped out into the middle of the room, in full view of the surrounding orcs, and casually joined the festivities. Naturally, the chieftain, who's name was (and I kid you not) Fartknocker, was more than a little suspicious of my intrusion and demanded to know why a filthy human was crashing his party. Without missing a beat, I lie through my teeth and inform him that an old friend of a friend had invited me without him knowing. Now, by all accounts, my plan should have failed miserably, and I went into this knowing full well that I was probably going to die. But, for reasons beyond my comprehension, the dice gods decided that "Nope, this is going to work. It's going to work and it is going to be awesome." Several persuasion checks later and chief Fartknocker goes from threatening to mount my head on a pike, to treating me like a long lost brother, making small talk and just getting hammered as the party goes on like nothing happened. After all of the orcs had drunken themselves unconscious, I casually freed the princess, snagged some sweet loot, and made it back to the kingdom with no further issues. Tldr: Chad fighter uses his silver tongue to fool a bunch of orcs into thinking he's an old friend, and then saves the kidnapped princess out from under their noses

[@morissaedwards7348]

Ah.Ma.Zing!

[@jonathancarlson6127]

We tried to surprise the wizard Glasstaff. He threw a fireball at the door, we all ducked for cover. He ran out the door and lost in the smoke ran head first into the wall knocking himself cold. Good work, team!

[@buttsmcgee50]

I love it when villains conveniently forget where the walls are in their own house.

[@olahmundo]

During my first time ever playing D&D, I played as an edgy Half-Elf rogue (one of those characters with a strong "a teenage designed me" vibe). We were a party of four, and decided to do a friendly 2v2 fight, betting some gold pieces. It boiled down into a fight between me and a Dwarf monk while the other two fought against each other. Not only the Dwarf missed with a nat 1, but I hit him back with a nat 20 in response, and the DM started to narrate very excited. "As the monk kicks, you ducked from his attack and immediately proceeds with your counter attack!" "Wait. I've ducked?" "Yes!" "From a kick?" "Yes" "Of a dwarf?" "...Yes" "As a Half-Elf?" "Yes" "How?" .... "You did a split" Then we all just started laughing about the situation. Good times.

[@ericb3157]

oh, "teenager designed me" reminds me of a Rick and Morty comic book i bought where Rick has to fight a bunch of D&D characters he created when he was a kid, and discarded because they were terribly flawed. -a "bard" who had only 6 charisma, a Barbarian with only 5 constitution, a wizard with absurdly low INT, etc.

[@sonicroze]

Currently, I am fostering 3 kittens. The first one we got at 3 weeks old so I not only had to feed him using a syringe, I also had to make him go potty manually. Flash forward a couple weeks and two more kittens - these two were found outside in one of our custom cat feeders for the neighborhood ferrals. Seems the mama abandoned them. They are about 3 weeks old. The nice thing about fostering is we get to see that beautiful little kitten stage more often than just seeing one to adulthood. Until now, most kittens that have come our way were old enough to be weaned, or if they were younger we were able to take them to a no kill shelter nearby. They really are quite precious though and we have a neighbor who may take them. :)

[@Lamenter_A.G.K.T]

The time I kicked the leader of the assassins guild of a train the rest of the campaign me and my party had assassins going “ I’m a assassin from the assassins guild you killed are leader prepare to die!”

[@simonmalmstrom9593]

Still favorite one: me and my little brother played some game (can’t remember) and me and him walks into a tomb where a demon is imprisoned and the demon talks to my little brother and threatens him to release her. he (my little brother) goes “Bring it wench!” And the proceeds to get ABSOLUTE PUMELD and is down in one turn rolling death saves, he then goes in character “aight I see how it is…”. I still tease him about it to this day.

[@TheSimpleMan454]

There have been so many, but one that actually got me laughing out loud recently was the bloodthirsty keg. Long in short, a mimic replaced our party's beer keg. A battle ensued, the beast was subdued and Knotbeard and Rori wound up keeping it as a packmule to carry their actual keg. I don't even know at this point how we keep getting wrapped up in Terry Pratchett-esque shenanigans, but even the straightforward fights are starting to have ridiculous twists. "My keg is thirstier than I am!" Indeed...

[@quackelstheduck2040]

I rolled to throw an iron dagger into a green dragons nosehole, and for a nat 20. Another player had a dagger, and rolled to throw it into the other nostril. They got a nat 20 too. Now the dragon has a profusely bleeding nose. A magic wielding player then used a lightning spell, or something similar, on the daggers and it, as the DM puts it, "lights up the dragon like a lightbulb, like when cartoon characters get shocked". Killed the dragon and I tell this tale with every opening I get.

[@quackelstheduck2040]

Unfortunately I haven't been able to play since then, as COVID hit. :(

[@funklestiltskin6140]

I once watched a game on a smaller twitch channel where the party was fighting a bunch of zombies and a necromancer, and everyone and I do mean EVERYONE kept whiffing on everything for three whole rounds through sheer awful luck. Eventually the DM described the scene as the party members and zombies both just flailing around aimlessly trying to hit each-other while the Necromancer watched on in confusion and near pity eventually asking earnestly "Are... are you people SURE that you aren't zombies already? I-I mean I don't remember turning you but no sentient creatures that I know of could have such consistently bad coordination."

[@PichuAuraGuardian18]

The party had previously fought a Basilisk and the Tortle Monk got one of its eyes. He had the Basilisk parts made into a gauntlet where he could use the petrificafion ability as an action. It’s a lower DC, so I allowed it. A note about my campaign is that it is a high fantasy, steampunk, airship campaign, where there are enemies flying that don’t normally fly. They’re on a ship traveling on a job when flying killer whale attacked. The monk petrified it and it fell into the ship. Found out later from a friend the stone whale would weigh about 35,000 lbs.

[@michaelleader633]

After three full rounds of missing one another, one of the gnolls actually hit one of us, so we cheered him on, since clearly it would be an arduous task to score another for either side. The gnolls were either tired or impressed by our love of battle because they turned around and left. The day the dice stood still would forever be remembered. 😆

[@velocibadger9304]

(Pathfinder) My funniest encounter started when the DM forced everyone in the party to draw from The Deck of Many Things. He described a table with a variety if health potions on it and had the party pick some of them up. No save, no chance to perceive what was happening or to avoid it; a completely detestable railroad that actually had some negative consequences for the party. We were then jumped by 25 enemies. At this point I was fairly annoyed and decided to give the DM a taste of his own medicine. My 10th level wizard cast Mass Command, telling ten of the enemy orcs "You're going to need help. Grab a health potion off of the table." 9 of the 10 orcs failed their saving throws, meaning on their next turn they all had to take an action to go and draw a card from the deck. This held up the encounter for over an hour while the DM read through the randomly selected cards. It quickly became one of the funniest encounters ever as the orcs had a series of bad cards affecting them and their allies. By the 9th card, several orcs were killed or incompasotated allowing us to more easily sweep the rest. In the end we managed to reverse the negative effects on our party, take the deed to a castle, and collect over a hundred-thousand gold from the various summoned jewels and magic weapons. The most effective casting of a single spell I have ever seen done.

[@HYPERYoshi5]

i adore this, very clever way to hopefully teach that DM about such a bad bit of railroading-- good on you!

[@velocibadger9304]

@@HYPERYoshi5 Leading up to it, I think we all felt a bit frustrated or astounded, but afterwards we all had such a blast! It is now a classic "wartime story" among our group. For someone like me, who is like the Forever DM amongst my friends, it is nice to play and have player agency. Being a very open sandbox style GM, I have the creativity to work with players to try to screw with me and it has given me the ability to return the favor haha, has led to some great moments. We all love both sides of it

[@theultrasceptile]

Ended the encounter by having the enemy crap themselves after a high intimidation check

[@Xokoy]

I once ran this level 20 one shot where I decided to go nuts with homebrewing. The system was 5E but everything else I made up myself. The setting? Created for the one shot. The things they fought? Created for the one shot. The abilities that those things had? Created for the one shot. I even decided to really add to the craziness by instead of doing standard stat assignment methods like standard array, 4d6 drop lowest, point buy, etc., I decided to have them each roll 6d20s and then assign those stats as they pleased and anything that was normally "up to a maximum of 20" was up to a maximum of 22. Obviously, this led to the stats being all over the place. I'm telling you all of this to really set the scene as to how memorable I was trying to make this thing through sheer chaos (as it was a one shot to celebrate April Fool's, hence all of the chaos). I had this big multi-phase boss fight planned out where this jester who was in the king's court turned out to be the eldritch horror who kidnapped the princess that the party were sent to save, and each time they got him to 0 hp he would lose a bit more of his disguise, giving him access to more of his absurd and alien abilities. The party got to about half way through the first phase of the fight out of three when they realised that they could stun-lock my boss. Sadly, I never got to actually use most of the abilities that this abomination had because he was unable to do anything on his turns because of their stun lock without changing the boss' stats midfight which wouldn't have been fair on the players.

[@evilauthor9953]

An arch-fae vampire decided he needed to kill our sorcerer for personal reasons. His pride was hurt. He tried to trick her in a dream into inviting him into her home by disguising himself as the cleric. It didn't work, mostly because the sorcerer was confused as to why she was being asked to make saves and insight checks. She was so distracted, she never told him he could come in. Party woke up and the arch-fae vampire tried to pull another trick. Major illusion to make him look like he was already in the house. He said he’d spare the children if sorcerer stepped outside. When that didn't work, he did an AOE necrotic attack. Paladin did an ability to negate damage, most everyone else made their saves. Dm described the death of the sorcerer's two year old little brother...when Paladin had to remind him the ability she used was a bubble effect. Anyone within the bubble also had the damage negated. So two people who had taken half damage got their health back, baby brother survived...and the arch-fae vampire had to leave with his figurative tail between the legs because he'd failed two major deceptions and more importantly had failed to damage anyone at all. Couldn't even kill the baby with 1hp. His pride was wounded before, but now the party actively mocks him.

[@scallop933]

I joined the game late. Our party was mid battle with a terrasque attacking the city. My Druid was still in the tavern across town when I joined in. He jumped out of the window, turned into a giant vulture and dashed a few turns towards the terrasque while gaining altitude. By the time I got there I was a few hundred feet above the monster. I dropped wildshape and immediately polymorphed into a mammoth plummeting ever faster. Ended up body slamming the terrasque and doing a butt load of damage to the both of us with barely enough health left to maintain the polymorph.

[@destructor3152]

Our party monk kicked a troll in the nuts . The dm made the trolls grunts have a higher pitch afterwards.

[@theofficerfactory2625]

I have 5 cats in our house that were born here from 3 different litters. I buried 5 kittens that were still borns or died from fading kitten syndrome. We rescued a blind beautiful Russian Blue when she was 4 weeks old and died at age 6.5 from heart failure. We rescued so many from our street out here from people leaving them when the moved and caring for 3 ferals. I even pulled two kittens from one of those rescues cause they came out so fast and the poor mama was just SO exhausted. Those 6 all got adopted out. Each one of them is an individual and to see them grow and for those rescued; open up to you and become a love bug; it's worth it. The heart ache of loss; the scratches and bites; the expense of food; litter; toys (a simple box and milk cap or the pull tab from milk jugs is all you need peeps), vet bills; medicine; it's no different from a child except cheaper and it's very rewarding. I am looking at 7 boxes that contains ashes of those that came prior to most of the ones here and I am saddened that they are gone and then our youngest boy who just turned 2 this past April. It's worth it.

[@FruAnimates]

My family and i were playing DnD, fighting a goat (A lv 5 wizard that turned into a goat, we were all also lv 1) Which we somehow managed to get to like 10HP. Everyone in the party had at least 20-40% health so we were a few rolls from TPK. (The goat does a lot of damage and we were running out of potions.) Then my brother rolled, he got about a 17, Took his pants off that were covered in feces. And threw it at the goat, which killed it. (If this gets enough likes i might to some backstory on why and how we meet the goat/wizard, and why it was attacking us.) Edit: Okay, guess we got enough likes lol. So, the setting for the campaign is steampunk, This is in 5E btw. So, we were going down an elevator and the one controlling it rolled low, so the elevator stopped at a room. With a wizard in it, A crazy. Drunk. Wizard. My brother tried to calm him down by giving him more alcohol, the Wizard threw it at him and we all stepped back. Then i used minor illusion on a small rock (Covered in rat feces may i add) and i made it look like gold, and handed it to the Wizard. Cue angry lv 5 Wizard. A few more times going down the elevator (the elevator only went down) i rolled like a nat 1, and the elevator proceeded to plummet do the basement level. Then we all just hear screaming. A goat screaming. Then we all see a goat jump about 5 story's down and into our elevator. The goat broke it's leg. We ended up chasing it off. As for why my brother's pants are covered in feces. He was attacked by a zombie in which he rolled, Low. He also took them off on another occasion, and someone threw up on them.

[@cheddar_breader2958]

Recently began my first campaign that didn't immediately fall through. I'm playing an ex-pirate Fathomless Warlock on the rowdier side, physically imposing etc. The team is resting on the road during a long trip, and the DM surprises us with a trio of bandits- I am physically unable to stop myself from cackling as a tiny bipedal rat man dramatically reveals himself from the shadows and in a funny high pitched voice yells "Give us all yer gold!". Two of the three rat people are targeting our druid, so I figure I'd keep the laughing in character to get one off her as she has the lowest HP in the party and the least DND experience by far. It's a success, my warlock is laughing so hard that the leader of the rat pack turns my way. This man double crits and brings me down to 4hp in one hit, knocked the smile right off my face.

[@somedudewithaniqof2795]

"I challenge you to a 1-on-1 duel!"-last words of apon the hobgoblin. Cause of death: being ganged up on by murderhobos 6 seconds after making the above statement.

[@thetconnolly]

when I started D&D it was 3.5, and for some reason our DM let me play a Kender wild mage. I have been banned from playing a kender ever since because of several fights. The one I remember best was being at sea and the ship was attacked by a dragon-turtle. I'm thinking a water enemy will be vulnerable to fire so fireball. Instead, I wild fluxed and polymorphed it permanently into an earth elemental. After the DM facepalms, he said, "Ok, bad news, his is now two levels higher than before. Good news is he is now on the bottom of the ocean and very confused at how he got there."

[@mitsunitaiko1742]

it was a half homemade pirates TTRPG. At the end of the campaing, we were going to see the captain who betrayed us and stole our ship, we were going for blood. The only issue is we were only three while he had a crew of 6, and while we were going, we found a group of three adventurers who were going to rescue the noble our enemy had hostage (for the record, we were the one who kidnapped him, we were meant to split the ransom cut and that's when they betrayed us. They were supposed to kidnap him then they stranded, and we found them on a desert island and took them in. They told us of the mission to betray a lord and we joined, agreeing to share the cut. They did absolutely nothing but I intended to still share since I follow my words. Turns out, they just intended for us to do the dirty work until they betray us.). I manage to trick the adventurers into thinking we were allies going after the captain (which would be true, up until the moment where we take the noble back for ourselves). They were an issue because they didn't trust us and they would attack us the moment they find out we want to kidnap the lord too. Then, the key moment happens. Our mage wanted to turn our rogue invisible so we could stab the adventurers when they become an issue, but he rolls a nat 1. By the rules of the RPG, he rolls a few rolls to find out what the critical failure does, and it turns ME invisible, the one the adventurers were staring at. I somehow managed to bullshit them to think it was our strategy to fight the captain, and then it clicked. I knew what I had to do. When we finally arrived, I compelled the other players to drag on a conversation with the captain as long as possible, so the fight doesn't start and he's distracted. I take a long turn to go behind the captain, I stick my gun to his skull, and I shoot. Normally I would have to roll damage and unless I roll a NAT 20 that wouldn't one shot him, but in that situation, his brain exploded. So I don't have to fight the crew, I roll intimidation on the three pirates who were here. Two of them rolled a NAT 1 so they ran away, and the third rolled a nat 2 so he was petrified by fear, deadly scared of me. When the two remaining pirates come, I hide my gun and I tell them that the adventurers killed their captain, while staring at their mate so he supports my words. So the three of them go against the adventurers, and there's nothing left to prevent our party from taking back the lord and running away. After that we successfully ransom him and there's no one left to ask a cut. Morale of the story: don't betray pirates. TLDR: mage's nat 1 makes us speedrun the encounter against our biggest Nemesis atm

[@geraldhobbs1487]

I told skeleton jokes to a pair of skeletons and made one so mad that it rammed into my magical wall

[@MisterDiceGuy]

Party I was DMing for was going up a snowy narrow mountain and found themselves tailing some enemies wearing the enemy's colors. They engaged in combat eventually after failing stealth checks. It was 5 players (Warlock, Barbarian, Ranger, Cleric, and Rogue) v 7 mercenaries. Everyone kept missing. It was the slowest combat ever, it was taking hours only because everyone, including me, kept rolling between 1 and 7. And it was only level 2 at that time so no one had massive modifiers. I kept rolling Nat 1s, and so I decided that I needed to do something I never do, catastrophic Nat 1s but only for the enemies. And the dice gods did not change their ways because of that. Lost like 3 enemies to Nat 1s because they slipped off the mountain or took damage in some stupid way enough to kill them. Then the party finished the rest. My players still refer to that as That Crazy Mountain Battle. For the record it took 3 HOURS, maybe 10 rounds, and my players hit probably 9 times total against 12 AC enemies.

[@jaysonhayes7732]

My favorite dnd moment of all time has to be from the first session of my current campaign when my satyr bard one shot a bandit with dissonant whispers and after some joking, the party and I agreed that the phrase my bard had said to deal the blow was "ur mom gay" in sylvan xD

[@leekonze7441]

I was running a 3.5e modern homebrew game where the party consisted of a geology professor, a nursing student, & a drug dealer. They were all in a grocery store when Zombies attacked. The professor ran away, the dealer whipped out his switchblade and charged, and the nursing student just started grabbing random crap and throwing it at the Zombies. The player of the nursing student asked what aisle her character was in and I said canned goods. The player says "I grab a can if creamed corn and throw it at the nearest Zombie." I tell the player to roll for an attack with a -4 penalty due to it being an improvised weapon. Player asks "what's the critical on a can of creamed corn?" I say 20, player shows me her dice and it's a 20. I ask for a confirmation roll, another Nat 20. For the hell of it, I ask for another roll, Nat 20. I tell the player that she killed the Zombie, and how brains & creamed corn everywhere. Player goes "Wait, did I just kill a Zombie with a fucking can of creamed corn??!!" Still gives us the giggles when we think about it

[@_Spex_]

So The party and I had accidentally opened a portal to the nine hells one time and the DM rolled a D20 to determine what came out. On this table was a Barlgura that wore a suit & Tie and would try to sell a condo in exchange for the customer's soul using flowery language like calling souls 'mortal essence' and demons 'mortally challenged' ect.

[@limey3272]

Stealing this *yoink*

[@derekmenebroeker4993]

One part funny, one part cursed meme. During a random encounter ('random' being the operative word) in a Pathfinder game where I'm playing a Kitsune bard, the party stumbles upon a trio of giant toads wearing Santa hats. The players were baffled, and then the GM used a music bot to play Toad from Super Mario singing Mariah Carey's 'All I Want for Christmas is You.' Immediately, the idea hit me. I declared quite heroically, "I use countersong!" and proceeded to roll a nat 20 on the Perform check. Whole group bursts out laughing.

[@hellyeah6127]

Our group of 4 level 8 characters killed the beholder in Tomb of Annihilation without taking any damage.

[@ptdevil2563]

TL;DR: Our DM's carefully laid out plans were foiled by his own good luck, poor decision-making, and our party finally getting their shit together. For context, let me start off with this: throughout this whole campaign, the dice gods have really had it out for us this whole time. The DM rarely rolled below a 16, and was dishing out damage like nobody's business, to the point where we were almost TPK'd in our first ever encounter against a couple of goblins. Meanwhile, we were lucky to roll anything in the double digits, and as a result, couldn't hit anything to quite literally save our lives. Still, we've managed to survive up until this point somehow. So, wanting us to hurry up and get to higher levels, our DM decided that it would be a good idea to throw an Umber Hulk at us. At Level 4. While our best party member and only experienced player at the table was out of town for two weeks. Needless to say, we were very nervous. Not wanting us to get completely destroyed, our DM decides to weaken the Umber Hulk by having it fight a small band of grimlocks and a couple of gricks while we wait quietly and prepare a trap (against the protests of our barbarian, who we may have had to physically restrain once or twice). Problem number one: the Umber Hulk (either innately or through it's connection to the other half of the encounter, I don't know; I'm still a relatively new player) had an ability to hypnotize anything within a 30ft radius of it, which took out the gricks almost instantly. However, this ability is vision-based, meaning that the blind grimlocks were able to focus on attacking the Umber Hulk with everything they had. Problem number two is that both the Umber Hulk and the grimlocks were controlled by the DM. This meant that, while the Umber Hulk was obviously getting plenty of good hits in, so too were the grimlocks. They were able to consistently hit over the Umber Hulk's insanely high AC, dealing tons of damage each round, and even as their numbers started dwindling, the hits didn't slow down in the slightest. After about four or five rounds of combat, the grimlocks that the DM threw out as death fodder managed to kill the Umber Hulk, leaving only four grimlocks, three of which were badly injured, for us to destroy. Using our ambush we had prepared, consisting of my Mage Hand, a barrel of gunpowder provided by our ranger, and our dragonborn cleric's fire breath, we easily vaporized the remaining enemies. And you would think that would be the end of it, but now it's time for part two. Shortly afterwards, we hear something coming from the nearby hole we had been hired to plug up, and out pops four dark dwarves followed by what looks to be a spider with an eel sticking out of its head (forgive me, I can't be bothered to remember the name of this thing). While we had been fighting the dwarves up until then, mistake number three occurs when this thing rushes out into the open and tries to mind control our ranger while screaming in undercommon about how it wants more slaves. Our ranger is a half-elf drow who speaks undercommon, and is in fact the only one in the party who speaks undercommon, meaning that he now knows that, not only was this thing controlling the Umber Hulk, but it's also most likely controlling the dwarves as well. If this thing had gone for literally anyone else, we would have been in a world of trouble being distracted by the dwarves while we get picked off one by one and turned against one another. After succeeding his wisdom check and relaying to the rest of us what he heard, we suddenly have a new target for our aggressions, and for the first time in our entire campaign, our dice agreed with us. Our cleric hit the thing with a Guiding Bolt, giving the rest of us advantage against the creature, allowing for a handy one-two punch from the ranger and barbarian before I (the rogue) shot an arrow right through it with the Sneak Attack bonus damage to blast that thing clear into another plane of existence. Sure enough, after that thing was destroyed, the dwarves returned to what little sense they had left and scattered, meaning we got through the hardest encounter of our campaign to date in just under three turns by taking out all of two targets.

[@MrMaradok]

While it’d be generous to call this a “combat” encounter, my party and I had a truly epic moment at the end of our last session two weeks ago. Quick note, the setting is Mines Of Phandelver, and this is in Cragmaw Castle, but this has nothing to do with the plot, save for 1 item, but that’s all. Our party had previously been split up do to a mix of IRL stuff that had 2 players missing (myself included for half the session) and our Fighter having tried to fallow the evil mage out the window she Misty Stepped through (which ended up with him blasting through the wall as the “window” was really just an arrow slit, BUT he did roll well so, whatever) and accidentally tackling the Cleric and dragging him outside as well. Anyway, after the Outside Group caught and interrogated Evil Mage Lady, we decided to try and sneak in to the castle again to meet up with our Bard and Ranger, along with Gundrin Rockseeker, who we’d just rescued. Unfortunately, and this was something that happened before I jumped in during during that prior session, the goblins that are inside the castle? Yeah, they where still there - the others had successfully snuck in, but turned left instead of right, and activated the boss fight early. So, as a result, the goblins where all alive and well, and now where rallying outside the gate. We had no idea how to get ride of them, and while Inside Group did find a secret exit out of the castle, Outside Group didn’t know that, so we where getting ready to face this swarm of goblins without needing to. Let me give you the rough numbers; • 20+ gobos • 6 or so Hobgobos, including one “king,” but he wasn’t a named NPC • 4 wolves And finally, a goblin CLERIC. Not named, but still. So, yeah, we where expecting a tough fight to say the least. That was until, just as we had finished maneuvering into position, our Warlock, the note taker of the group, remembered that he had a Scroll Of Fireball from he’d found on Glasstaff earlier. We didn’t know how effective it would be with such a large group, but most of them damaged was better than all of them at full health, right? Fun Fact: Goblins have 10hp, and Hobgoblins have 15hp Due to the fact that you take half damage from a successful dodge of Fireball, you can see where this is going. The Warlock rolled for damage and got a 34. Half of that is 17. That means that, even if any of the gobs in the 20ft radius did dodge away, they’d still take more damage than their TOTAL health. We all where stunned at how we’d just trivialized the fight, even if a few did survive, only by virtue of being outside of the spells AOE. Even so, with as much speed as we could muster, we charged in, ready to battle the remaining 5 enemies - or so we thought. A high roll on our Clerics Sleep spell knocked out 2, the Warlock and my Artificer both coming around the left and right corners like a couple of SWAT doing a breach maneuver and killing another 2 with an Eldritch Blast and a Crit crossbow bolt to the face, and the Ranger snipped the 5th with a lightning infused arrow from his +1 bow that I made for him. All 5 where down before they had a chance to do ANYTHING. And we all where just laughing hysterically, joking that we’d just turned Cragmaw Castle into a Vietnam flashback, our DM even playing “Fortunate Sons” in the background because of how fitting it was. Our DM put it best when we wrapped up for the day; “Even with that Fireball Scroll, I think you guys are a ready to move on from goblins.”

[@ninjabreadman8166]

The thumbnail picture is based on the cover of the Villains album by Queens of the Stone Age. Well done!

[@moralitea_]

ayy someone else noticed!

[@Cptjackjacky]

Ahh, fellow men of taste I see. Excellent.

[@GamingMasterAnthony]

This just happened today (September 25, 2022) my normal group wasn’t available so I joined another for the session, we were playing ghosts of saltmarsh, and were in a lizardfolk stronghold that was taken over by sharkkin, scouting it out for an invasion that was going to happen. Near the end we came across a colosseum, with two things fighting and around 70 sharkkin cheering on the fight. The things fighting? Two small crabs. It was so barreling that we spent half the remaining time watching the rest of the fight, laughing the whole time. Oh and earlier that session I got some mythril plate armor and I’m a Paladin who multiclassed into a rouge so that’s cool too.

[@targetdreamer257]

Recently we were fighting 2 purple worms and a Fomorian, each separately. Anyway I was a wizard that took the Tiny Servant spell. I’d animate little things, like coins, a key, a bucket, that type of stuff. I move Tiny Copper Coin into position up front to try and take pressure off our Fighter and Paladin. Tiny Copper went full Beast Mode. Sure Tiny Copper only hit for 1d4 +3 but that little guy scored like 5 or 6 crits, between one Worm and the Fomorian. So Tiny Copper was landing hit after hit but they kept missing Copper. So a iddy biddy copper coin is going Toe to Toe with huge and gargantuan size creatures. What made it so fricken hilarious was Copper stole the kill from the Pali… Twice!

[@samloyd9287]

My players got attacked by pirates out at sea. One of the generic enemy pirates got nat 1s on his gunshots 3 times in a row. So, I jokingly had him curl up in the fetal position and hide for the rest of the fight. The players fell in love with him. After the fight, the ship had sunk and I gave them a 10% chance of finding him among the floating debris. They made it. The generic pirate joined the party, and I had to come up with a backstory and personality for a generic enemy on the fly.

[@spydermag5644]

Our party was fighting a vampire and the ranger in the first round shoot at it. He rolls a nat20 and confirms the critical. Since we play the crit and fail decks for pathfinder he drew his card. He pulled out tongue piercing. The vampire could not cast spells for the rest of the encounter. Every game we now play when there is a critical thrown we all ask if it tongue piercing to the Groans of the GM.

[@tannerwehmanen3370]

Not necessarily a combat but almost one So the party was going through a dungeon and there was a pole floating in the middle of a room and the dm said it "shaking aggressively" and I heard it was aggressive so I tried to fight until the other players cleared it up

[@hayhay509]

we played shadowrun 5e and my technomancer was trying to hack a complex that was torturing and dissecting people. it started out tense because everyone except for my character was trapped in a room with a mutant zombie. the complex's security system was coming for me, our mages were running out of spells, and out "plan C" was barely standing. the complex was trying to do a reset so remove the marks i made on it so i could hack it. in Shadowrun, you roll a number of dice and try to get as many 5s and 6s as possible. if you get more than half your dice in 1s, its called a critical glitch and its worse than a nat1. the complex needed to roll at least one 5 or 6 to remove my single mark on it. it rolled no 5s or 6s. and more than half it's dice were 1s. so when it completed the restart, the complex saw my mark and assumed i was the admin. MY CITY NOW! load emo punk rock music blared as my team mates reverse stormed the castle, freeing all the people the place was experimenting on. the vending machines vomited their contents, zombies fired machine guns at awful people, the lights flashed and strobed in time with MCR's welcome to the black parade, we stole a uranium rod, the party's troll was T posing floating towards the bad guys, it was hilarious. went from serious and tense to zany and wacky in a single die roll.

[@sparksshepherd3313]

The last bit of adopting, I agree, and your heart is as pure as the most expensive gold if you adopt an old one, but I personally wouldn't have the heart to adopt an old one, knowing they'll be gone soon. My heart would break to pieces.

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in. Sorry I'm late. We ran way overtime today

[@braindeadbrody2553]

A group of redcaps appeared outside of a rundown shack we were investigating, me a barbarian runs out and tries to suplex one to intimidate the rest, roll a nat 3 attempt the suplex slip in mud and fall on my ass. I then proceed to watch the ranger headshot the one I tried to suplex and the sorcerer roast the rest with burning hands

[@Atalas5]

wrapping up an the first dungeon of an adventure that would span two years, we exit a mine that had an ancient Netherese temple at the bottom of it where we fought some ghouls. We come out to find what we thought would be the BBEG of the campaign along with a tribe of orcs. Things are said, the (supposed) BBEG gives us the deed to the mine's... only he had also promised it to the orc's. Told us to fight it out. An item our rogue had found in the mine's, or maybe it was the temple, was a Robe of Useful Items. So, to start things off she draws the boat out of the robe for herself, my cleric, and our wizard to use as cover from orc archer's. Well, two melee orc's charge us (we had decided to stay in the entrance of the mine's to bottleneck them coming at us) and the Rogue flips another patch off of her Robe to create a pit under the orc's. Down they fall, taking some middling fall damage. As they try to climb out, they grab the boat. Only the boat wasn't secured, so it comes falling down into the pit on top of the two orc's. They never left the pit alive. Or at all, since after the fight the (supposed) BBEG waved his hand and sealed up the hole, boat now sticking out of the ground. And thus was the Battle of the Boatpit Mines.

[@jerryferguson5]

I mentioned this in reddit, literally the day it happened, during a break while in the session, but memory isn't great so will give it my best shot. We headed to another town in a campaign we barely started and just randomly stopped. Our DM decided to send a homebrew dragon I realized during the fight that I had made, but never finished or test ran, at us. We all started as level 20 characters and I chose to play a Rogue Lizard Folk. One of my abilities was I believe it's spelled Psionic Teleportation. I decided to use it and teleported on top of the dragon's head to talk to it since I knew draconic. Welp that was a bad idea. He decided to use tail attack on me . . . . twice, so I started freaking out and was trying to figure out what to do. IDEA!!! I'll run down behind it and climb in his ass. I ran as far as I could and, with another lucky roll, was able to throw the blade thing far enough to teleport right under him and had juuuust enough movement to try and climb in. I got partially stuck until my friend casted grease on me and floop, I went in. I didn't really think that far so I just started making my way up it's body, the whole time using my telepathy skill to talk to him and convince him to stop before I started stabbing him. In the end he finally gave in and threw me up. Same campaign, literally next session: Lizardfolk Rogue I had gone to the tavern to take a back after being thrown up by the dragon and was sitting in the tavern in a robe when I saw the tavern owner walking by so I thought I'd still his stuff cuz I felt like it. One Nat 1 later and I'm grabbing his ass. "What are you doing?" he asked angrily. I think he was a viking like dude, but don't remember. I was so uncertain of what to say I just blurted out "It just looked so squishy." This is when the combat started. He has a flipping axe, while I'm just wearing a robe. Thanks to Uncanny Dodge I'm able to not take too much damage, but I knew I had to do something. Two bad and one good roll later my had is finally down the dude's throat. I proceed to do Eldritch Blast after Eldritch Blast. Even when he succeeded to get free, I just shoved it right back in. Eventually I killed him and kept his body. My friend said he had a spell that I liked, so he put some seed in the guy's dead mouth, grew a tree out of him, and now I had a new bonking stick. I never got to use it.

[@josiaharaki7310]

Two days ago in fact. A bit of background: We're playing in a mini-campaign set in a small island off Eberron. We're a party of Me-The Hexblade, a cleric, an artificer, and a Bladesinger. We'd been wandering through the jungle hunting for a witch and were entering some ruins when we noticed two globs of slime on the roof. I Blasted them both with Eldritch blast, but the DM noted my 19 didn't seem to do anything while my Nat 1 seemed to penetrate very deeply. As the first round of combat ensued, we quickly figured out that they had INVERSED AC and Saves, meaning we had to roll below their AC to hit, and they'd have to pass saves to fail. When my second turn came up, I tried to be a smart guy, closed my eyes to impose disadvantage, and started swiping at them at an angle where they had 1/2 cover from my teammates standing between us while activating Great Weapon Master to further lower my accuracy. As my eyes were closed, I didn't see my first swing cut the slime in half, causing it to multiply, so I took my second swing at the other, then my bonus action swing from Polearm master... This resulted in a 4 on 4 fight with slimes immune to all our weapons, and didn't really come to an end until the Cleric cast bane on the party so our very limited ranged spells had a lower chance of hitting.

[@rabidspatula1013]

First time player, joined friends working through Phandelver mid campaign. We hit Cragmaw Castle and kicked in the door to the kitchen. Bunches of goblins charge at us. My character, a Dragonborn Bear Totem Barbarian, charges the goblin chef, who looks up from the hearth with his trusty meat cleaver in hand, and we go at it. For the next five rounds goblin Gordon Ramsay scored hit after hit after hit on me. I could not for the love of all that is holy make a single hit. He managed to take out over half my health (and yes I was Raging). I finally got a hit but the dmg role was so pathetic I only managed to scuff up greenskin Guy Fieri's apron. In the meantime my companions had cleaned up the rest of the goblins who had been patiently waiting for dinner before we charged in. Soon the only enemy left is the beady eyed, long eared Jamie Oliver slashing the Dragonborn Barb to bloody ribbons with his bacon processor. They all converge and dogpile mini-Anthony Bourdain. Even with this orky Wolfgang Puck flanked, engaged, and facing multiple reckless attacks, no one could land a hit for a full two rounds. Finally our paladin took yellow toothed Babish straight in the head with a javelin and sent him to the great stew pot in the sky while standing on the dining room table and hurling missiles like a madman over the head of our Fighter. The whole party looked at each other after that shit went down going "WTF was that?" Not even a dragon gave us the same amount of trouble as this greasy green Alton Brown.

[@TheKaz95]

My friend was running Murder House from Strahd as a one shot for us. He reflavored a flying sword as a flying broom. What followed was a flying broom nearly killing 3 lvl 2 adventurers as we failed to hit it for about 6 rounds as it pummeled us for minimal damage each round. It was by far the funniest combat I had ever been a part of

[@WolfSteel1]

"Kicked six colors of shit out of our party" stealing that

[@jondawson7911]

Klarg in the Lost Mines cave. We scared the goblins in the adjacent room into his one. They warned him, he came up the stairs and got promptly nuked to oblivion by a mix of the paldin's greataxe, the cleric's guiding bolt and then the Warlock's eldritch blast blew him up.

[@theroguearceus2869]

the necromancer's, my, thrall drowned a crab. twice. and induced physchic damage on another giant crab, by beginning to drag it back into the water and begin drowning it too after the necromancer distracts it by shouting at it incoherantly making it miss its attack on the gunslinger. the necromancer's thrall rolled, to drown the crab. and succeeded, three, fuking, times cD

[@ajh22895]

Our lv 3 party did a home invasion on a Spectator

[@Kartoffelkamm]

In The Dark Eye, my brother and I once fought a demonic sponge-like entity that was somehow poisoning a river. It just sat on a well, soaked up normal water, and spat out some weird, black acid stuff that turns things into undead of some form. We fought the thing, which was protected by some undead animals, which my brother took care of for the most part, but one got past him and attacked me. Good thing it was a rabbit, so I just kicked it against a tree, where it died on impact. Then I drew a protective circle around the sponge, specifically to ward off demonic sponge-like entities. And since it was within the circle, it took constant damage and quickly died.

[@linksstruepower7443]

At the very end of my last campaign, my warforged Paladin was in a collapsing fortress filled with angry Giants that were destroying the walls trying to get at us. All the other players managed to escape earlier, through one means or another, but my poor little robot was stuck with a wall of force behind him keeping the majority of the Giants at bay, with the only way out for him being blocked by a giant that was literally stuck in the door frame. I had four rounds to escape, and I had to spend two of them trying to get the giant OUT of the door frame. The first round was spent just trying to find a way to get past him as he was just standing in the way. The second round was realizing that him trying to work his way through the door frame got him stuck. And the third was me literally giving him the Help action to get him unstuck. Everyone pictured it as though my character was just shoving his fat face back through the door frame so that he would get out of my way. Fortunately, I had one round left to get out and the Haste spell in effect with Winged Boots, once the path is clear, I just flew out there like I was Superman trying to get the heck out of an exploding death star. All this tension was quickly followed up by a surprisingly unsatisfying final combat of the campaign, where we met our primary antagonist in the flesh for the first time, a Balor, and literally just beat him up like he owed us money. We weren't even that high level to be honest. It's just that there were five of us and one of him.

[@MahsaKaerra]

Not only was the hydra upside down and prone, but, initially, completely invisible to the players. That should have opened up at least one alternate route to the plot. Because, honestly, whatever can do that to a hydra instantaneously is worth exploring.

[@spinyjustspiny3289]

This one's funny in more of a "Tarantino writing a fantasy novel" way. First fight of the session, my character is a half-elf sorcerer who got their magic from an encounter with an ancient goddess's tomb that marked them. Thus, they didn't have the BEST control of their spells, and we're all fighting a group of thugs that we walked in on while on a job issued by a band of thieves. No one actively wants to kill eachother, but if someone goes down on either side the gauntlet is thrown. My character casts ray of frost as an opening move, intending to use it as a warning shot or at worst catch someone's foot and make it harder to move. But this was also a game with "roll to hit a body part" dice alongside the usual "roll to hit and see how hard." So of _course_ he rolled a high-damage hit to the head. And because it was a headshot it was also a crit. The poor bastard's head and one hand is caught in a block of ice. Cue both parties having the high-fantasy equivalent of the "I just shot marvin in the face" scene before mutually agreeing to get the guy stable ASAP. One of his ears was too frostbitten to be salvageable but he would at least pull through.

[@nyanya1312]

Love you Brian!🖤 Thank you for always being the wonderful person you are.

[@derrickhaggard]

In a Mystara Campaign I was a part of back when I played D&D3.5 me and the party I was a part of got into a dual puzzle/combat situation where there where 4 treasure chests but one of them was a Mimic and due to being hopped up on a combo of Peanut Butter M&Ms, and Dr. Pepper I came up with a admittedly stupid idea to reveal which treasure chest was the Mimic that idea being that my character a female Lupin Ranger would pee on a treasure chest and if the treasure chest reacted violently then it was the Mimic and if the treasure chest did nothing it meant I'd pissed on a treasure chest for nothing. The DM rolled with it simply because of the hilarity that was going to happen, so when my turn in the order came up I put my plan into action and rolled a Nat 20 for the survival check and peed on the Mimic this resulted in everyone in the party including me and the DM laughing because it actually worked and then the DM mentally face-palm as he was forced to explain how the Mimic left the area disgusted and feeling violated because a female humanoid wolf peed on it.

[@sammountford7585]

Last week the party was in a spat with a love goddess, her pegasus tried to delay the party while she sacrificed the npc we needed for our quest. After a string of tough fights we went in as hard as we could and butchered the messenger of love in the first round of combat. Cue the DM frozen trying to think of how to go forward from what was no longer a spat.

[@LittleRebellionRaven]

Was playing a Triton warlock of the old ones, Old Gregg himself. I dumped everything onto Eldritch Blast. We were fighting two hill giants with a large pit they climbed out of. I popped out of snow, yelled "I'm Old Gregg!!!" And blasted the giant. I rolled a Nat 20. It hit him, rolled a strength save to see if he would fly back. He rolled a Nat 1. He flew back, fell 80 feet. He barely survived the fall with 3 HP. This caused his friend to get angry, climb up, it was my turn again. Yelled "I'm Old Gregg!" Rolled a NAT 20 AGAIN and he crit failed. The second giant flew back, and died from the fall. Regardless to say, Old Gregg was now known as Old Gregg, the Scaly Manfish and Giant Slayer.

[@haunthayes2579]

My inncubus bard accidentally shot the half-orc barbarian in the ass with a crossbow after I rolled a bat 1 + 5 crossbow proficiency.

[@collateraldamage4517]

I threw my hand ax from 30 feat away and hit a giant goblin in the head. He didn't die right away and I spent the next five turns trying to get it back. Once the combat was over I healed him so we could talk to him. My ax was still in his head, and he wasn't talking. So my dwarf cleric leaned over to him and said "if you don't start talking i will rip that ax out of your head and no one will find your body" he decided to start talking after that. After he told us everything we wanted to know i said thank you and took the ax out of his head with no mercy. The rest of the party decided to not mess with me from then on. #mrripper also I love watching your vids ❤

[@MadDogJS2020]

In a game of Shadowrun, I was playing a Troll Mystic Adept who didn't really use any of the guns and things like traditional shadowrunners. He was more melee based. We get to this several story building where there was a gang holding our rescue target hostage. I'm down in the lobby taking care of things and one of the other runners, a Physical Adept, is on the second floor in a fire fight with some people in a barricaded office room. I walk upstairs, bullets whizzing past me from the room, and I ask to try and shoulder the door down. My Troll with near perfect strength and body scores rushes the door at full speed, shoulders the door and breaks it in half as he pushes both parts of the door, the office desk holding it shut, and the guy behind it all the way across the room and into the opposite wall, severing him in two at the waist. Shocked the other guys so much, they became easy targets for the gunner.

[@Spoofopolis]

Our party was sneaking into a house through the basement. There were some mercenaries searching the house that were looking for something and we didn't want to have to fight them all at once. So to only draw a few to our location and take them out, my Goblin Artificer used magical tinkering on a bar of soap to have it make some noise and put it part way up the stair. Once a few of the mercenaries started coming down the stairs to investigate, I cast grease on the stairs, causing them to slip and fall down the stairs and then the rest of the party pummeled them. A few of the mercenaries that were still upstairs heard the commotion and ran down to investigate but then slipped on the grease and also fell down the stairs right in front of the party.

[@alyssavanderklift9296]

i can only think of the FIRST combat encounter of the most recent campaign i played, one player in the group of 4 was a first timer, who had settled on a ranger and we made it into some small old temple with a whole bunch of plants and whatnot covering the floor (semi-homebrewed mycanyds our dm made for the encounter) and set of the one RIGHT next to where we came off the staircase into the room which led to one mycanyd jumping up with a deafening screech (it was basically a mushroom based alarm-system) that set of the encounter, suffice to say after the fight we needed a little break because he first THREE rounds of that fight had an ALARM MUSHROOM and a RANGER in a screaming contest while the rest cut down the other mushrooms in the room. so what this fight had ended up boiling down to was; a mushroom screaming in alarm, a ranger (can't recall the character's race) screaming back at it, a Kajheet barbarian pretty much being a weedwhacker with her greatsword, a cleric trying to heal up our sorcerer who kept getting hit and couldn't figure out his spells (was his first time playing a spellcaster at all)... suffice to say, we intended for that to be a break after that fight and continue the session, but after we all sat there with tears streaming down our faces laughing half an hour into the break, we called it an evening. The ranger got bonus xp for how hilarious that had turned out, glorious introduction for that guy

[@derpiedoxie]

I remember during the first campaign I ever played (lost mines of Phandelver), one of the characters, a wizard played by my mum, had a reputation of always rolling Nat 1s I have no idea how this kept happening, but every time it did, the table would burst out laughing. So one day we were in a dungeon, and we were attacked by a few zombies. The wizard was still on the staircase to the room we were attacked in, too afraid to go in for fear of dying instantly, but she still wanted to contribute. She remembered that she had some darts on her, so she asked the dm if she could try to hit one of the Zombies with em, and he allowed it. Nat 20 That poor Zombie got used as a Dart board and got hit straight between the eyes, killed it instantly.

[@Hellmont95]

This is when I first started playing TTRPGs. I started with Anima Beyond Fantasy with a group of friends. My character was a "technicist," which is like a monk but more inclined to ki, creating powers anime-style and so on. All of our characters started in different parts of the world to add a little bit of roleplay to our backgrounds, and I was traveling with my master. In one part of our journey, I encountered a saber-tooth tiger. I was only level 2 and the big, pointy kitten was level 1. My master said to me, "show me what you got" and sat on a rock. I started throwing punches and powers, but absolutely nothing hit the tiger. The session ended with me still trying to kill that thing, with all my friends and the DM dying of laughter because, after the third or fourth hit, he started to roll the dice in front of us, showing that the cat was so much faster than me that it could dodge everything. At the next session, I started wanting to make a coat with that damn tiger. The fight continued without a single blow landing, and after one hour of trying and trying, I rolled an average roll, not much, but the tiger failed. I threw him a weak-ass punch, almost like a soft pet, but I killed it. The fucking tiger was a master of dodging, but it had almost no total health. Everyone cheered and screamed and laughed, and I got my tiger coat.

[@synashilp]

Had an encounter a few weeks ago where I thought five level 2 characters could take on one level 5 enemy. The party's investigator was visiting an old friend, and goes into said friend's house only to find the friend having a standoff with a lizardfolk bounty hunter. Initiative is rolled. Investigator devises his stratagem and rolls poorly. He makes a regular attack with his hand crossbow and rolls poorly. Next turn is the bounty hunter, who claws the friend to unconsciousness. The party's barbarian enters a rage, squares up to the lizardfolk and rolls poorly. The party's alchemist spams elixirs of life throughout the fight. The party's wizard tries a Ray of Frost... and rolls poorly. One by one, the party gets clawed up while whiffing their attack rolls. The alchemist was spared for some reason only RNGsus knows. The bounty hunter's landing critical success after critical success. It's quite possible he'll kill the party with nonlethal damage, but his contract specifies living quarry. So I have him vow to return later. It could have ended there, but something happens before the bounty hunter leaves. The alchemist renews the investigator's consciousness. The investigator has the sheer gall to make an Intimidation check as a taunt! "Yeah, you can't handle us!" Was the chorus to a critical failure. The bounty hunter leaves. "Yeah, we sure showed him!" The investigator says while looking down at himself to make sure his innards are still inside his body.

[@IAmCar47]

My gnome warlock named Gre had a large spoon taller then himself as a weapon, dm let any spell be on a one use scroll, and a few homebrew spells, Rouge used a scroll of enlarge weapon on the spoon, down it fell onto a goblin, killing it, and turning it to a green and red paste

[@dragonriderabens9761]

3:30 I'm just imagining the Benny Hill theme playing for this scene XD

[@shadowfox27]

We had just started a brief campaign, and through my partner's stupidity, and my indifference to his immediate state of clinical well-being, we had befriended a dwarf of unknown class. Fast forward a bit, and we end up breaking into the tomb of one out of six ancient deities (I believe it was the God of Trickery and Mischief). Anyways, after a combat encounter with a zombie horde the summoned upon the full party's entry, things started to get a little relaxed, and the group started looking around for loot. Once we had reassembled, things got crazy. I should let you know the relationship between this dwarf and my partner. My partner is a fighter, and he claims to be chaotic neutral, but in this senario, that was far too great of an understatement. How to best put this, it was as if the entire dimension of Limbo became human. The dwarf, on another hand, was an old drunk with violent tendencies. They both seemed to hate each other. Lastly, I, a half-elf sorcerer, was the only one who seemed same, and thought the both of them were idiots. So, we had regrouped in the tomb after exploring a door that led to a mysterious waterway. Partner:*cuts off dwarfs beard for some random spite I didn't care to take notice of* (it wasn't an even cut either, which was a detail solely to spike my OCD) Dwarf:"YOU FUCKING DARE CUT OF MY BEARD! I'd worked thirty years on that! Anyone who knows a dwarf knows that our beards ARE OUR GREATEST PRIDE!!!" The dwarf whipped out a dagger, ran up to my partner, and just started stabbing the fuck out of him. Through the first two rounds of stabbings, I just let it happen because my partner deserved it. All he had to do was respect us a little. Then the dwarf went in for a third round, but I decided and successfully grappled him before things got a little too out of hand. I wasn't all that worried. My partner had a 157 hit point max, and the volleys of stabbings took him down 74. But then, my idiot partner decided to attack back while I was literally bear-hugging the little shit. I threw the dwarf behind me, and used an additional reaction to make a DEX saving throw which I succeeded with a Nat 20. Out of personal spite I hit him with a quarterstaff, which accidently scored another Nat 20, and dropped him 14 hit points. Out of nowhere, the dwarf literally vaults over me, lands on top of my partner, and makes another two rounds of stabbings, dealing another 65 damage. Now, I'm obviously getting tired of this shit, and diffusion hadn't worked much yet, so I summon a 2nd level Magic Missile spell, and hit them both with two darts. What I didn't realize was that my partner was at 4 hp, and I rolled up six damage. As soon as the DM sees my roll and tallies up, he looks up at me flatly and says "Your partner is now unconscious. I was laughing so hard I literally ended up on the floor. TL:DR, My partner ended up unconscious from four rounds of stabbings and my Magic Missile all because he was a little shit and cut off a dwarfs beard.

[@rihonwolfe125]

You want a good one? I got one for ya. I run a game with 10 people, so quite a chunky game. In it, the party was going through a dungeon near Phandalin, and came across some giant spiders (Bear in mind I nerfed them a bit, they were only level 2 at the time). The Tiefling paladin decided he wanted to... Destroy the spiders with his rear end. And he immediately critted all three of the spiders in a row. Least to say, those spiders got to see one large butt come down and squash them flat, without having a chance to react. One of the best I've personally encountered.

[@emilypottebaum2400]

We killed a monster who warned us he'd be back just as someone dealt the killing blow. Cleric cast gentle repose on the remains to make sure it couldn't come back. We go to the next room in the dungeon, opening the door to reveal what was presumably a (mini?)boss who runs out through the door we just entered. Apparently the monster we just killed was something of a pet project and he was checking to see what happened. So, the rogue just closed the door and put an immovable rod in front of it to prevent the guy from coming back.

[@CyColt]

My party... encountered an Intellect Devourer. i say encountered because after it burst from the victim it was hiding in, my barbarian immediately crushed it under her fist, and the Paladin, who is normally a pacifist who goes for nonlethal, panic-smites this thing into oblivion.

[@vacantsix1586]

It took three of us (a table of 8 not including the DM) like 13 who's revolutions around the table to kill a gargoyle...... With 2hp left

[@TR-pk6sq]

Got more than I can count but one of my favorites was the capstone battle in a homebrewed 5e campaign. In this game the PCs were fighting against a Litch that was trying to overthrow their country through political machinations and staged rebellions. In the final battle the Lich having control of the kingdom's army, magical taskforce, and inhabiting the body of a player’s old Bard floats above the battlefield watching the destruction. The players were making their last stand at the enchanted mansion of the party Wizard. It was going poorly for the pcs with the wizard, ranger, and a powerful NPC ally on the roof of the mansion making death saves. The Lich moved in for the kill. I described him pulling up the smoke and fog off the battlefield floor and channeling it through his skeletal body using it as a component for a max level disintegrate spell. Targeted at the mansion hoping to kill all the wounded and the unconscious pc’s inside as the party’s old Bard watches, trapped in his own body as it sends a flood of disintegrating fog at his friends. That's where the tables hilariously turned. The Wizard pc had hidden all remaining, nameless npc magic users around the mansion, had them go invisible and hold as many gust of wind and control weather spells waiting for just such an attack. As the fog approached the threshold of the mansion it was sent flying back by tsunami level winds. The lich had such a smug attitude when casting the disintegrate spell, he lost it instantly when he saw that very same spell flung right back into his face. He failed his saves. He got fucked up. He took a tremendous amount of damage and lost concentration on his flight spell and fell 80ft into a spike trap the players had set up (he was actually nowhere near it, but we all agreed that it would be funnier if he landed there). Right next to the Fighter, Rouge and the Ranger’s animal companion. With all this damage he could not keep the Bards mind at bay and lost control of the body. The Bard dealt the final blow to the lich from the inside his mind palace and ordered his army to a halt. Ending the combat much earlier than I expected.

[@athena1491]

1:03 me at this table: "barely contained giggles, no man, its okay, you can change some things if you need to.... i love floor hydra actually, can we keep him? is that allowed? if we flip him over will he like us?" Edit: its even better the second time, cause this is how this creature decided to hide... like "you good buddy? do you need a minute? we can close our eyes and count to 20 if you need to try again? no? okay...."

[@silkmonkey]

One shot today. I was playing an artificer version of Stu Pickles. Party was doing an investigation into some Fey shenanigans in the woods outside a small town. We get to the boss fight and my character was already injured and less than fully healed having skipped a short rest to do “chemical enhancements” with another party character. I advance to give boss a thunder gauntlet then decide to go for flavor. The rest of the party can fight well enough. All Purpose Tool picks up vicious mockery and Stu (me) taunts the boss guy. 5 damage. That was the end of the round. Next round one of his critters showed up and disintegrated Stu. He went out trash talking as he turned into dust. Took a few minutes of laughing to get everyone back together and it was decided that “suboptimal but high flavor” play is “going Stu”.

[@Nora_the_Seedrian]

It was a joke campaign so a lot of things were pretty funny, but there was an encounter with a bunch of rats in which our dragonborn managed to trick into going into the sewers. My sorcerer then tossed a fireball inside and another player with a homebrew class shot a bunch of missiles in it. We blew up the sewers with manhole covers flying into the air as infernos blasted from each hole. My character then reenacted the Disaster Girl Meme with the fires just bursting from the sewers behind him.

[@MitchT97]

I have a “I played the Druid while his player was gone” moment as well. He’s done some wild things so it’s not like this was outside his characters normal shenanigans. Potential spoiler warnings for CoS. We’d somehow found ourselves in a fight with the Baba Yaga after failing to convince her to help us against Strahd or at least letting us go on our way. The battle was intense, but not as bad as it could’ve been since I’d essentially taken her living hut out of commission with a bestow curse. The Baba Yaga was injured, defeated, and tried to flee. Not if “Barry Macokener” has anything to say about it! Two of us running his character together came up with a good plan for our absent players little goblin Druid. He transforms into a Giant Toad and proceeded to swallow the Baba Yaga. She got grappled, swallowed, and then digested to zero hit points. All that was left of her in the end was her bones and a few magic items that had survived the process. Made looting her a lot easier.

[@Symbolic-Sky]

Our campaign had a funny scene that left us howling. Anisi was a jackal working for the big bad and was going to join the party later but for now they were an enemy, Basher our barbarian Frankenstein was supposed to Drop a Boulder on them and trap them if they decided to fight. So one failed attempt to turn them to the light side later the jackal is sent the giant Boulder and in a scene straight out of whiley coyote is sent falling through the floor of the pyramid ruins to which our party follows to be sure they didn’t die. The discord chat was nothing but clips of Wiley coyote dying to falling rocks for 10 minutes and I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself lol 😂

[@gremlin1018]

I already posted in these comments, but I remembered a few battles from the first campaign I ever played (which was with the same group I still play with). It was ADND instead of 5E and I had no idea how to play really. I was a human thief (aka rogue) and we engaged giant frogs and I kept on missing because I unknowingly kept making called shots (nat 19-20 to hit) by trying to throw my one dagger I had directly into it’s eyes. So while my party was on the brink of death and surprisingly close to TPK, I just kept throwing my dagger over it’s head, running to the other side of the battlefield, picking my dagger up and repeating the whole thing again. Eventually, 2 of us were left alive and the remaining guy was nearly dead and I was still at full HP. I was told that it’s a higher roll for called shots and so I stopped making called shots and managed to take the last frog out. Earlier on in that same campaign (session 1 as a matter of fact), our party got into a fight with each other (we were all new so we didn’t know dnd etiquette yet). It was my rogue and the magic user illusionist against the Druid and half orc cleric (the fighter who was the only other person other than the DM to have ever played dnd before stayed out of it). We were all humans but the cleric. Long story short, the reason I had one dagger in the previous story is because the cleric kept it after I missed him with (you guessed it) a called shot. I then climbed out of the window of a room on the second floor of the inn we were in as the Druid and cleric tied up the illusionist. The illusionist tried escaping via farting but rolled low. As they walked out of the inn I climbed down right in front of them and just awkwardly watched as they carried him to a water trough and dropped him in it. I missed one session of that campaign, but apparently a giant spider rolled a nat 1 with a nat 20 to confirm it’s severity which resulted in it biting and killing itself immediately. Last story from this campaign. Much much later in the campaign, the illusionist, fighter and my rogue went to the dungeon while the Druid and cleric went to attempt to tame wolves near the village. Those of us in the dungeon decided to loot some of the rooms we had cleared on our previous trip to this dungeon while waiting for the rest of our party to come back. Once the rest of the party finally made it back, my rogue had found a trapdoor in one of the rooms and all but 1 of us met up and went down just to see if it was just a small hidden treasure or a large chunk of the dungeon. Turns out there was an ogre down there and the battle began. The battle itself wasn’t really funny, but while it was going on our fighter who was the only one not there got into a fight with a big bug and rolled so horribly and was knocked unconscious. After we killed the ogre, we sent our illusionist to go check on the fighter while my rogue checked for traps and disarmed them. The illusionist cracked the door of the dark room the fighter was in, called out for the fighter, heard the chittering of the bugs and ran back. We asked the illusionist how the fighter was to which he replied “oh he’s fine”. We couldn’t meta game so we continued on for a bit. Later we would find the fighter dead and would have to sacrifice a diamond we had just got to have him resurrected. That campaign was hilarious and it’s funny to see how far we’ve grown as players and DMs since then.

[@aabcehnnr]

7:46 Definitely my favorite story, absolutely lost it at 8:40 I was gasping for breath after a full minute of laughter

[@MilethCitizen]

I was playing Tomb of Annihilation; be wary of potential spoilers. I was a Circle of the Shephard druid. We had some freebie tasks to earn gold early on and being a caster, I didn't really need anything. So I spent all of my gold on Velociraptors. Being circle of the Shephard, I could talk to them and give orders. Fast forward a bit, and we attempt to cross a bridge. There was a golem chillin' on it and when we failed the puzzle and it attacked, hilarity ensued. I knew from the first round that we couldn't really do anything to it, so instead of running I concocted an idea. I used my velociraptors to chain shove the golem off of the bridge. My DM was never so mad.

[@AflacMan13]

*Kitten story comes up at the end of the video* - me: 😂

[@galaxyblade111]

I relate to those zombie troubles... a friend of mine did a short zombie apocalypse game and our characters were sleeping in a car and were attacked in the middle of the night. We were all pretty new to pen and paper rpgs so my friend had a few issues balancing the encounter... so we stabbed a zombie with a knife. And hit him over the head with a glass bottle. And drove spear through his eye. And several other things but it just wouldn't go down... after the session I drew a doodle of the messed up zombie just saying "i'm fine." and it looked so silly that we use it as an inside meme to this day^^

[@CroobieLetter]

We walked into a seemingly empty room, when suddenly! Goblins rappelled from the ceiling! Shooting arrows at us! My warlock hit one with Eldritch Blast and asked the DM what happened to a dangling Goblin getting hit by *force* damage. The DM thought about it and ruled that the Goblin would sway back and forth and have to take a turn to steady themselves. Needless to say, we soon had Gobbo's swinging like pendulums every turn.

[@seawanderer9746]

So to understand the story I need to explain a house rule I have. CARD PULL!!! Basically if a player doesn't like their roll they can pull a card from the deck if many thing or deck of many fates to reroll buuut whatever you pull instantly happens. My players are in a cave and have encountered the mini boss (slightly modified green hag). So combat starts and the artificer roll a nat 1 and decides to pull a card. The card they pull summons a portal to any plane of existence. The artificer decides its a portal to the elemental plane of Air. The green hag is slammed to the ceiling and suck into the hole immediately ending combat. We all laughed until we had tears on our eyes and was a good session

[@Beargamer2749]

Got crushed by a giant crab survived

[@darksiren96]

(minor spoiler for those playing through Dungeon of the mad mage) We were fighting a drow (warlock i think). He’d send his wererat minions to attack us then duck in the next room. Due to previous events leading up to this moment, my high elf druid (Raeran), was a giant spider. We were kicking the wererats’ butts when the drow summoned a shadow deamon. Due to dimly lit room it wasn’t doing so great either. At one point in the combat, our halfling rogue(Roccel), used his movement to mount on my back. Then the drow casted darkness to help his shadow demon out. My turn came and used half my movement to go where i last saw the shadow demon and once the demon was in range of my blind sight then moved to attack it. Our air genasi sorceress casted dispel magic to get rid of the darkness. The Roccel’s turn was next and he had ridden on my giant spider form the whole time since he couldn’t see a thing. And when the darkness was dispelled, explaining the pov of the transition of not seeing anything to having a shadow demon in your face was so terrifying, he pissed himself. Once the fight was over, i asked the dm if i reverted back to my elf form, would the urine stay there. He rolled a d20 to see if it would “stain” for lack of better words. He rolled a nat 20 so the urine was matted into the hairs of my abdomen and still on the small of my back as i canceled my wildshape. Needless to say, Raeran stays away from roccel whenever he is even slightly disturbed.

[@williaminnes6635]

liked and commented for "the hydra is prone."

[@BrianVaughnVA]

The prone hydra is prone.

[@mintmintmintmintmintmintmint]

Awesome thumbnail! It's a traced "pepe-ified" version of the Villains album cover by Queens of the Stone Age

[@glichtaut9883]

I'm a dm and once an ogre rolled Nat 1 on Attack and then his club slipt out of his hands

[@lindowhellknight1420]

We were up agenst a blue dragon and our bird cleric used inflict wound and got a nat 20 and slapped him for a good bit of damage

[@hoenir_the_silent]

In the current campaign i am playing i play a 4'2" hafling barb/paladin who whields a 5' long sword in my first encounter " within the first 5 minutes of session 1" i come across a skuma dealer peddling his wears in a back ally "roll for stealth nat 20" so i sneak up to him spin him around and place my long sword between his legs "roll for intimidation again nat 20" and give said dealer the choice of either turning himself into the local barracks for arrest or becoming two halves of a whole. Needless to say said dealer opted to turn himself in and the person he was dealing to was scared clean.

[@billcox8870]

Your opening story was from me again.😃👍

[@beastswinisepic]

the trap saga, we were playing an aot DnD storry at manga club and the party had a trap war after i blew my self up, it ended in a masicare, they set up a trip wire to launch their sword, they rolled for it, it back fired but still pinned someone to the wall, they died as they killed the other

[@gianlucaguidotto8920]

I was DMing "Lost Mine of Phandelver" (no spoilers ahead) and my players were facing some bandits. One of my players was playing a Rune Knight fighter and he was a loxodon, and he had a AC of 18 while wearing only a perizoma. I made one of the bandits, who thought they had the upper hand, say: "Drop everything you have on you and we will let you go". My friend who was playing the loxodon fighter took this literally, and said: "Ok, I drop my perizoma and I use my Giant Might ability (which allowed him to become large size) and the I dickslap the bandit". We all loughed uncontrollably for like 5 minutes and then he caught his breath and added: "And since I'm large size it also deals and exdra d6 damage" 😂 The bandit was almost oneshot by the...big bonk and he ran away on his next round.

[@Mcnerd213]

Playing through the noob campaign for 5e, not sure of the name. We tracked down the bbeg in (apparently) ridiculously fast time, we had him cornered at the end of a dungeon, he opened up with a physical attack with his spider staff, he rolled so poorly that the dm gave the person he was attacking (a halfling rouge), the chance to retaliate. the player asked our dm “can I rip the staff out of his hand and hit him with it?” The dm replied, “you shure can try, roll a strength check” Nat 20 Dm, “you got it out of his hand, roll to hit” 23 (i think, something to do with it being an improvised mace or something) So this tiny dude standing next to the seven foot wizzard, sees the attack coming, steals the mans staff, than loony tunes him over the head with it. With no staff, the black spider mage guy cast invisibility on himself, and here’s where the story gets hilarious. The halfling asks our dm if he can use his sack of a thousand ball bearings to see if he can find the mage, dm allows it, roll for strength and perception, great on strength. He bursts with laughter, “I chuck the thousand ball bearings so hard that I end up facing the other way. He’s behind me guys!” he exclaims, not actually seeing any of the information he tried to gather. Apparently, we were super under leveled for this fight, but since the boss didn’t have his staff for any of the combat, it was as simple as finding him and hitting him until we were able to subdue him. This was my first and only campaign I have completed.