Why it is so hard to break with NPD? Why NPD can't leave BPD/ DPD? Convo with prof. Sam Vaknin

[@dariazukowskapsychologkliniczn]

POLSKIE NAPISY :) Dlaczego tak trudno zerwać z NPD? ; Dlaczego NPD ma tyle trudności żeby odejść od BPD/DPD? Z czym mierzy się BPD i DPD po relacji z NPD? Rozmowa z prof. Samem Vakninem

[@LUCIAN8016]

Mam pytanie do Sama jeśli będziesz z nim robiła jeszcze wywiad. A konkretnie seksualność w związku narcyza z BPD i DPD. Bo jak wszystko w tej dynamice seksualność też nie spełnia swojej roli tylko no właśnie? Co tam się z nią dzieje? W jaki sposób jest interpretowana co tych ludzi skłania do współżycia jeśli narcyz "przerzuca siebie" na drugą osobę to znaczy w jaki sposób będzie wtedy postrzegał swoją seksualność jeśli też jest przerzucona? Jakaś forma "validacji fałszywego ja"? Jeśli jedno z pary robi z siebie "matkę" a drugie "dziecko" to seksualność tam to musi być coś grubego...😮 Jak w ogóle tam ma być miejsce dla prawdziwych dzieci?

[@LUCIAN8016]

To co mnie jeszcze uderza w tych nagraniach to, że Sam mówi, że to nie jest tak jak na YT,z tym, że później mówi dokładnie to samo co JEST NA YT. A konkretnie YT poświęca dużo uwagi etapowi rozpadu związku i patrzeniu na związek z perspektywy krzywdy jakiej się w nim doznało. I Sam mówi, że tak jest Że to związek wyniszczający. Więc kolejny raz narcyz jak kałamarnica wypuszcza chmurkę słodkich słówek w oczka słuchaczy, a ci biją mu do tego brawo. No i siedzą sobie pani terapeutka i pan narcyz magia się dzieje 😂 Wiec właściwie nic nowego nie zostało dodane poza tym, że narcyz właśnie tego potrzebuje.

[@evuniaj8]

Kocham samusia..!

[@evuniaj8]

Samus mial urodziny

[@evuniaj8]

Ja mam pytanie mój nex okazało się że ze się przebiera za kobietę i robi to z facetami i ma profil na datazone ale robił też to z kobietami i mówi że nie jest homo, to kto to jest?? Skoro widziałam jak jak robił lodavfacetowi

[@rsaffron7]

What he says about how incredibly bonding is to experience the idealisation phase for a person with self love deficit, someone who has never experienced unconditional love in their childhood is so true. Narcissists really put you in that child position then play on your traumas and vulnerabilities. Then you have to surrender yourself to receive that "love", it becomes really really conditional

[@user-eb9ct6pk4r]

yes, every time he delivers such fascinating groundbreaking masterpieces. no one comes near him. He is so extraordinarily intelligent and astute in his analysis, absolutely stunning, what a talent, person, mind and what an honor and immeasurable gift to be a witness to his astonishing mindblowing amazing videos

[@kronos458]

It' a nice meal of supply for him, besides its totally true.

[@LAURIEANNJESSEN]

Narcissists LOVE to hear that!!! LOL

[@user-eb9ct6pk4r]

@@LAURIEANNJESSEN laughing about a personality disorder says all about you.

[@kyrstenwinterlake549]

He is amazing! I think I'm in love.

[@user-xb1co1hd8v]

That is some serious supply you just gave to sam!

[@gosia833]

Genialna rozmowa. Taniec skrzywdzonych istot. Przytlacza mnie myśl, że tak naprawdę to nie jest ich wina ich wybór. Ludzie bardzo cierpią.

[@VT-di1jx]

I have tried to write a comment and can't find the words. Your understanding of the dynamics of these personalities and their very complex interaction is so beyond anything else I've ever heard or read. After 25 years in a "successful" marriage with a narcissist, I felt as though no one could possibly understand. You give me sanity in the knowledge that what I lived was real.

[@yvonneskoczek6152]

Sam, you’re the first that explains how I too felt omnipresent and “narcissistic-like” while with the narcissist. Many times I felt better than, more powerful, smarter, etc than him…. Yes! But I broke away eventually because I felt sick by it and it became dangerous and eventually it felt boring when originally it felt like the most fascinating adventurous life anyone could ever have. Regular people felt boring. I appreciated it. It was also an escape from something traumatic that happened at that time, that’s why I took on the relationship. It all felt very twisted and confusing but strangely for how sick I felt by it in the end, I still look back at if fondly. Not many people are kookoo enough to test so many limits and live so differently. I wonder why I had that draw.

[@crazycat9929]

WOW Sam Vaknin.. every time is just “WOW”

[@francoisnel5253]

Man has a great mind. I relate a lot being a self reflecting Narc myself

[@dobrza_anka5986]

O matko jakie to wszytko skomplikowane ! Ale nigdzie nie słyszałam tak profesjonalnego wytłumaczenia , które jest idealnie w punkt! Niesamowite!

[@janpsillos5513]

The relationship intensity sounds glamorized at the end, yet it's one every addict knows. It ain't good for anybody.

[@justynafigura6489]

Dziękuję Dario za bardzo olśniewającą w treści rozmowę.3 lata terapii (mało skutecznej) po traumatycznie skończonym związku dopiero Sam wytłumaczył i pozwolił zrozumieć o co chodzilo w koszmarze jaki przeżyłam. Powoli w końcu trzyma się to jakiejś logiki.Jest dużo łatwiej pogodzic się z rozstaniem.Dziękuje jeszcze raz Daria i Sam. Robicie super robotę.

[@elgie1006]

W moim przypadku wyglądało to o wiele prościej. Ja z niską samooceną wyniesioną z domu wchodząc w relacje z narcyzem widziałam wszystkie jego złe strony, ale żyłam w przekonaniu, że taki jest świat i nie ma ludzi idealnych. Wcale nie ja kontrolowałam narcyza, tylko on mnie, także podporządkowywał, manipulował, pomniejszał moją wartość. Więc nie zgodziłabym sie z wszystkimi tezami tej wypowiedzi. Również z teza, że żyjąc z narcyzem stajemy sie narcyzami. Wcale będąc z nim nie podniosłam poczucia własnej wartości, wręcz przeciwnie, byłam wdeptywana w ziemię i tak sie czulam. Aż do czasu, kiedy stopniowo zaczęłam sie od niego wyzwalać.

[@tam-tam1970]

Sam Vaknin takiej wypowiedzi ci nie wybaczy.

[@elstal22]

All my life, I have asked, “Why?” about how my parents (npd dad, bpd mom) treated me, and then how my narcissistic ex-husband acted toward me within our relationship. This video is so informative as to not just their inner workings but mine as well-the co-dependency I developed in childhood as a coping mechanism, and how that factored into the dynamics with my ex. And just as he describes, when I asserted my autonomy rather than my childlike needs, it was as if I was going against God himself. Our relationship could only play out with two unhealthy people. Rather than being the victim, I was a co-creator of the play. Time to really dig into how I can grow up and out of my codependent ways so that that type of relationship will no longer be possible for me.

[@leahflower9924]

I just looked at it as I could never fully go against the narc like I could never fully go against my parents one time I crossed the line with my parents and defied them and I got my ass handed to me I feel like I am mentally paralyzed

[@grazynarydzewska2638]

Dziękuję bardzo Tobie i Profesorowi to dla mnie ogromną radość że mogłam odsłuchać i uzmysłowić sobie różnice w zachowaniu i myśleniu narcyza ponieważ na różnych kanałach jest tak ogromna rozbieżność że w końcu wiem kto tlumaczy to zaburzenie najlepiej pięknie pozdrawiam i życzę wszystkiego dobrego

[@renatapeciak7699]

Na prawdę świetny materiał! Właśnie się zastanawiałam jak to możliwe, że czułam się bezpiecznie z partnerem, który był narcyzem???? Mój obecny partner jest przeciwieństwem poprzedniego, a ja nie czuję się tak bezpiecznie???? To wszystko tak nielogiczne, teraz okazuje się całkiem logiczne. Wcześniej jak usłyszałam ten termin, że narcyz staje się matką było to dla mnie niedorzeczne, ale ostatnie doświadczenia pokazały, że Sam faktycznie ma rację.

[@emiliamiskiewicz8976]

Pięknie dziękuję Piękna Pani Dario, za tą super wykład z Samem... Jak bardzo potrzebny ratujący życie i wreszcie pomocny w zrozumieniu takiego, a nie innego narcystycznego postępowania🌹 Serdecznie pozdrawiam 🌹🌹🌹

[@krisq3616]

I like Sam; he is very informative! I have to disagree that on the point that it is the borderline that regulates the narcissist and is responsible for the approach-avoid. In my experience with BPD and in dating a narcissist; it's the narcissist. The borderline looks to the narcissist to regulate her once she feels idealized in his fantasy and she takes the dismissal very hard when the love bombing ends. Once the love bombing ends, it spells disaster for the borderline. She cannot deal with perceived the rejection. She also will begin to unravel the manipulation. She will stay at first in the hope to revert to love bombing phase, (it's highly addictive and the only time we have ever really truly loved ourselves) but once she realizes that he will never go back to that phase, she will end it because she cannot deal with further devaluation (rejection to her) even if it's only in the form of avoidance. I was only recently diagnosed. I always knew I was different, but I was only ever treated for depression and anxiety. I feel relief knowing that I was actually right; I am wired differently. I wish I had known long ago. By now, I am much more mellow and have so many coping mechanisms in place. It really gets better with time, learning to focus on my "logical mind", instead of listening to the scared inner child. Partnering with a stable person is also incredibly helpful.

[@baldersn4474]

No one on social media can touch Sam on this subject on social media..

[@lindawest3388]

Sounds like a fun relationship. I found it difficult, while listening, to change my understanding of what I've been told to believe a Narccisit is and experiences. I have BPD and have recently come out of a whirlwind of a fling with a Covert Narccisit. I understand the eroticism but for me our relationship never solidified because of all the red flags and hurt he caused in the pace of two months. Had I of let him walk all over me and have complete control of me our relationship could have worked but I have to be in control pulling the strings. In short it didn't work out but was fun while it lasted.

[@bassimakoubeissi5623]

There is only one Sam vaknin.Thank you very much..very interesting , very helpful and informative

[@rociorizo8469]

I really loved this version of narcissism. Thank you so much. While I was listening to it it resonates with my relationship with the narcissist. Right now we are separated bc I moved on. I ghosted him when it became too much. My self worth was declining.

[@karinknife8019]

I have learned so much from Sam. He is a great teacher, breaking down complex issues to a "reader friendly" version. I do have a question: Sam, if you believe that personality disorders are transient or not permanent. Why is npd not? Can npd be transient as well?

[@Obserwator11]

Racja z tą wrażliwością...usłyszałam takie słowa " jestem dobrym odbiornikiem Twojej wrażliwości " szok...jak to wszystko poukładało mi się w spójność. Relacja matka-dziecko...i co do empatii, to tez padl tekst " empatyzuj sobie z kim chcesz " 😬 co to za gady bez duszy...i ja też mimo zaburzonego umysłu niechciałabym nigdy więcej doświadczyć tak popierzonej relacji.

[@jaydixson1731]

Oh my goodness, this is so dead on accurate, wow. Amazing analysis. ++my best friend did this to my wife. I went crazy and threw my best friend of 30 years out. They were acting like children , weirdest thing I’ve ever seen

[@dlwsport250]

Thank you for sharing this with us. Your initial narrative is curiosity piquing.

[@falconandthemoon]

Whoa… what a story there must be there!

[@leahflower9924]

Every toxic or dysfunctional adult is basically a child Freud figured that out lol

[@izabelacyrwus7534]

WOW! Jestem w szoku, nigdy nie patrzyłam na to w ten sposób. Dziękuję bardzo za ten materiał. Uwielbiam materiały z Samem :)

[@anetamucek5795]

Dario jesteś wielka w tym co robisz💛dziękuję💚🧡

[@JNC07]

Thank you so much for this for this priceless information

[@agatakadela6343]

Czekam z niecierpliwością na napisy🧡

[@irinakushnir8338]

Yes that empathy part I remember when I was helping and supporting that narcissistic person in my life he was acting in opposite way I expected, he didn't like empathy it'd humiliate him, moreover he acted more arrogant and grandiose in return as he will do a lot more and of coarse failed every time and then expected more supply in different forms repeatedly. I intuitively knew that I should stop providing supplies to him at once.

[@katarzynachmielowiec8150]

Genialny wywiad. Bardzo dziękuję ❤️

[@Anita_She]

Jejku jakie to jest wszystko skomplikowane. Już nie wiadomo kto jest kto. Zmieniają role jak włącznik światła. Raz on rodzic ona dziecko, raz on dziecko ona rodzic. Raz on NPD a ona BPD, a za chwile ona NPD a on BPD. Raz on goni ona ucieka, później ona goni, żeby on mógł uciec. Toż to jakieś szaleństwo. Jak tak można żyć?

[@LUCIAN8016]

Nie można 😅. Zwróć uwagę na to że ta relacja to temat większości filmów romansów u poezji o "miłości". Zawsze to samo...

[@Anita_She]

@@LUCIAN8016 No i właśnie stąd powstają te wszystkie nieporozumienia na temat miłości. Większość myśli, że im bardziej intensywny rollercoaster w związku, tym silniejsza miłość. A to nie ma nic wspólnego z miłością!

[@LUCIAN8016]

@@Anita_She Z tzw "miłością" jest inny problem. W przeszłości związki trwały bo bardzo trudno było żyć samemu. Trudno było zdobyć pożywienie, ubranie, praca była niebezpieczna i męcząca. W miarę postępów cywilizacji do samego przeżycia i przetrwania kobiety i mężczyzny zaczęło dochodzić coraz więcej jakiś dodatkowych spraw... Od pozycji społecznej poprzez majątek, wygląd,popularność, karierę, romans, samochód, dom ubrania, muzykę, tatuaże, znajomi itd itp... aż w końcu ta warstwa dodatków wyszła tak gruba że zapomnieli o fundamentach... Romans sobie może chwilę trwać na ławce w parku, ale życia tak nikt nie spędzi tym bardziej z dziećmi...

[@tam-tam1970]

Tylko Sam kontroluje to wszystko, wie kto jest kto albo co w tych konfiguracjach.

[@monicacarvajal7756]

This man stands alone I do believe he is A genius who knows his stuff!!

[@FranoAlliance]

Świetne! Milion razy lepsze od suchych faktów dostępnych w artykułach dostępnych na stronach internetowych 👋Mam może ze dwa "ale", ale może to kwestia podejścia i czy skupiamy się tu na czystym narcu czy też narcu powiązanym z innymi zaburzeniami.

[@YIE63248]

Yes - it was intoxicating experiencing the world as two children and it does feel like everything is gray compared

[@suzannebrand2031]

I am bpd my ex is npd I had absolutely no control whatsoever in the relationships I was abused and manipulated and tortured. He is a chronic alcoholic malignant narcissist npd sociopath with sadistic tendencies who uses weaponry. I was literally controlled by fear. And I definitely know the science behind evil now

[@leahflower9924]

Wow sounds like he checked all the boxes for a malevolent human demon lol

[@leahflower9924]

I like to joke but I know it's dead serious I'm borderline and the narc has the house kids car my money I left with the few clothes he didn't throw out and all suitcases were his so I used garbage bags

[@tracemagace8434]

Every price is worth it. Indeed Sam 🙂

[@shelsea7245]

A narcissist WILL leave their partner when the partner has finally figures out who and what he is. Borderlines can and will call out the narcissist. Once the narcissist knows he's been exposed he has no more use for the borderline that he's been having a relationship with.

[@polengferrer178]

Not in my case I am a Borderline. Its always me who tend to leave the relationship..

[@leahflower9924]

​@@polengferrer178I agree I feel like the narcs are less likely to leave they also seem to have endless patience for chaos and mind games and as a borderline I'm on board I guess for the roller coaster but then I get bored and want to jump off a bridge so I have to leave if a narc has someone else lined up then I guess they'll leave

[@monikasamborska4966]

❤😊dziękuję pięknie, wspaniałe spotkanie

[@aleksandraszadkowska5132]

Pani Dario , czekam niecierpliwie na napisy , pozdrawiam

[@ewcik.4ever]

Wow, gratuluję wywiadu😊

[@paulinamulawka6982]

Pani Dario, bardzo ciekawe są te rozmowy:) To jakby patrzeć na świat oczami narcysty. Unikatowe doświadczenie. Zaskakujące, że zaczyna się takim osobom współczuć, mimo wszystko.

[@LUCIAN8016]

Że współczuciem czy bez takie osoby są niebezpieczne mimo wszystko. I jak Sam mówi relacja z nimi to destrukcja i poniżenie. Sam fakt "zrozumienia pokrętnej logiki" nie usprawiedliwia. Na tym właśnie polega zaburzenie, że człowiek myśli czuje i działa w tak pokrętny sposób...

[@paulinamulawka6982]

Proszę mi uwierzyć na końcu pozostaje współczucie. Nie ma lęku przed takimi osobami. Są w gruncie rzeczy przerażonymi dziećmi. Fakt, mogą robić złe rzeczy, ale najczęściej jednak to my sami ich wpuszczamy do naszego świata, który jest nieuporządkowany. To, że taka relacja nam się przytrafia nie jest przypadkiem. Nie ma w życiu przypadków. To informacja co potrzeba uzdrowić w sobie samym. Zdrowy najczęściej z chorym nie tańczy. Kluczowe jest jednak zaopiekowanie się swoimi zranieniami, a nie koncentracja na osobie narcystycznej. Wchodząc w rolę ofiary trudno jest odrobić pracę domową. A myślę warto:) Na końcu jest zdecydowanie współczucie, nie ma strachu 👍

[@LUCIAN8016]

@@paulinamulawka6982 To co Pani pisze to spory fikołek mentalny. Zwolnienie człowieka z moralności "bo narcyz taki jest",albo "to w gruncie rzeczy skrzywdzony człowiek" nie może mieć miejsca.

[@paulinamulawka6982]

@@LUCIAN8016 Nie zwalniam z odpowiedzialności, nie usprawiedliwiam, po prostu totalnie się dystansuje i nie poświęcam takim osobom uwagi, o którą te osoby zabiegają;)

[@haihai5293]

@@paulinamulawka6982 W pełni potwierdzam co napisałaś. Dosłownie pozostaje współczucie i smutek w ich stronę.

[@StephanieStults]

This video gave me the realization that I might be the narcissist.... and he is the borderline or codependent

[@pentaq]

surprising confession at the end of the film. a bit like one of the characters in the matrix who preferred to stay in it by his own choice. great talk though, thank you. edit: i've just watched "How Narcissists Took Over the World" and now it makes more sense to me regarding prof. vaknin statement at the end of the film.

[@MarginFilmProductions]

Congratulations! Excellent insights!

[@AllinaNegrea13]

So true. Watching you cleared up so much confusion.

[@annakubica7935]

Mam wrażenie, że narcyz to taki stabilny i w sumie biedny osobnik, uzależniony od dostawcy supply. Okazuje się, że bardzo prosto wybiera i nie o empatię mu chodzi. Ciekawa rozmowa, która mocno przewraca standardowe wyobrażenia. Pełnienie roli matki, oczekiwanie tego - tak, tak to wygląda. Dziękuję

[@pratyushanagisetty8958]

im a bpd female and my npd partner leaves everytime he feels he is not in control. since he knows i have these abandoment issues and will come back crawling, he uses it as levarage to get back the control. how does this happen then?

[@justynakisiel8647]

Pani Dario, zaciekawiło mnie, dlaczego nie patrzy Pani na Sama w trakcie rozmowy?

[@Obserwator11]

Może boi się ze ściągnie z niej energię 😉

[@BEKO1973]

Invariably a treasury of knowledge and thorough analysis.... Thank you very much and I am asking for more lectures with translation into Polish🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

[@Whitethunder777]

U seem to be enjoying every introduction immensely doc 😂🤣 it makes me laugh every time

[@littleyellowcarrot1571]

This last part describes perfectly me and my previous partner, two children exactly

[@soufiabourasse2163]

شكرا جزيلا الأسئلة كانت رائعة، وأداءك جيد جدا شكرا على هذه المعلومات القيمة جدا❤️

[@Mechanically_Speaking]

I honestly think its appropriate he gives his credentials every time, people need to know that Prof. Vaknin is the man to see, hes the pioneer and leading mind and voice on the subject. He earned the right to shamelessly/shamefully plug his creds😂

[@christinagaffney9124]

Sam you have inspired me to help me understand my relationship these last 14 years and all my relationships including my parents ,friends and work bosses .🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Dzięki Daria, świetny materiał!

[@donnavenables5269]

If the true self has died as a child what is it that experiences the prolonged grief?

[@irmairma6842]

Czekamy na napisy!! Dziękuję

[@lynzara]

there we go, Sam. Wow, what an insight, now I understand my life long pattern crystal clear. How liberating. Finally.

[@VT-di1jx]

Question. How would the death of the narcissists' parents affect this dynamic. My husband of 25 years left after his mother and father died within a 6 month period. Maybe that I why I miscalculated his need for me.

[@stellaercolani3810]

What an inspiration the woman is also.

[@elawendy548]

To było bardzo odkrywcze/ dziękuję za ten material

[@galavignoli2517]

Positive? Since when abuse is positive? Do not forget this fact........

[@iwonarychel6310]

Dziękuję wspaniały wykład ❤❤

[@Anne.....]

This is very interesting. But the question arises (if this explanation of the dynamics in the relationship between the narcissist: and the codependent/borderline is correct): who is actually the abuser? If the borderline/codependent assumes total control of the narcissist (even if he voluntarily gives his agency away), no wonder that he starts to devalue and separate/discard. Listening to this almost makes me feel that the narcissist is a benign, non-abusive person, and the partner is a controlling, unpredictable, erratic, unreliable and drama-creating person, which essentially is abuse.

[@muma6559]

The child not only failed to separate from the mother..... there never was a bond long enough to even construct healthy brain connections. And then no healthy letting go to form a healthy identity.

[@agnieszkalaskowska1558]

Wiele sprzeczności jest w tej rozmowie. Na początku jest mowa,że narcyz jest stabilny, potem że sam Pan miał wiele partnerek,że narcyz będzie dążył do separacji. Gdzie jest tu stabilność? Jakoś nie do końca ufam wszystkim wypowiedziom tego Pana. Już w kilku jego nagraniach zauważyłam sprzeczności. No i nie zapominajmy że jednak jest narcyzem. Nie ufam jemu w to co mówi. Żyłam z narcyzem i nigdy nie mogłam liczyć na niego w chorobie, czy w gorszych dniach, raczej matki nigdy w nim nie widziałam. Udawana troska owszem ale jednodniowa albo i krócej. Pozdrawiam

[@VT-di1jx]

The longer I listen the more validated I feel. I never bought into this idea that it was all about me being the victim. I always knew I was able to control his staying with me. I actively manipulated that ability. It was such a dance for power/control between us. He was serially unfaithful, but I always knew and consciously decided to be blind to it. However, in the end I became too secure in his need for me. I miscalculated.

[@leahjones9626]

How do you believe you were actively manipulating him into staying with you?? I understand that we all play a role in our engagements in life. I was in this relationship also he became physically abusive. After I found he was seeing another woman - I truly left. And this enraged him and he assaulted me one last time. I am trying to think if I manipulated him into staying with me. I know for sure I should have left way sooner. And that I was being manipulated into staying even when I tried to leave him. But yes we are true victims in some ways but we also are accountable to what we do and allow. I felt that I was very ignorant of what was happening and didn’t know how to leave. I didn’t know about no contact etc. maybe there’s something about my part of manipulation that I’m not seeing.

[@SuperBlakes2]

I believe, they move and then you make counter moves. Unconscious moves. I as the co dependant didn't have any idea about what was going on. So I know I never consciously manipulated him. Doesn't make sense to me.

[@leahflower9924]

I don't know I feel like it's like a chess game the narc is the master player and the borderline is an amateur

[@docwel566]

Why does the codependent NPD or BPD not just leave and be single in order to abstain from participating in obtaining supply. Can a narcissist or borderline go without supply for long periods and be successful?

[@dariazukowskapsychologkliniczn]

Watch the video, please

[@mariav188]

Wow. Thank you. This video explains a lot. Thank you.

[@bie4038]

Great !!! Loved the honesty and insights. Just for fun : love your neighbour like you love yourself. Of course this does not apply to his wife 🤣

[@falconandthemoon]

Such an in-joke for people who geeked out to this video! Lol

[@msantulova]

This content brings big revalations for me and my 2 long term relationships. I undestand a lot but also I have serious and somewhat disturbing questions. I used to wild and ready to act out but always in a calculated manner and never really harming other people or society. Just hated prejudices and wanted to debunk them. I would have sex with so I really like on the first date, if I feel like that, for example. I was overcontrolled by both my parents in a different way each. I guess I am heavily codependent. But now when I am approached by a narc (completely sure he is one - like a walking textbook on narclore he is) I feel I am not the same as I once was. It felt a bit like I have lost some part of me but in the same time I am stronger, stable and secure and I won't go for a relationship with him. Feels quite strange. Can a person change like this? What kind of change that might be?

[@kuibeiguahua]

Sam did a Video kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y6XGe2WNYqdqeJY It's possible your condition is ameliorating so you don't react the same way to a narc!

[@muma6559]

Can the narc take back the external locus of control and no longer hand it over to external people/sources ?

[@علي-ش7ث8ب]

*Why the professor talks about these dynamics like they're inherently bad?*

[@bridgetjacobus7422]

I literally had a therapist try to cure the ADD overfocus out of me because I was misdiagnosed as CPTSD. ADD overfocus is very much like attachment style and CPTSD. But not to be confused with because they are not the same. DBT therapy I got from it is never wasteful. Lol

[@marissia4391]

Mój były mąż, po tym, jak wyprosiłam go z mojego zycia, bardzo prędko znalazł sobie nowe źródło oparcia, mowiąc mi: "Przecież nie mogę być sam!" Wszystko się zgadza.

[@gabrielaolivarez8842]

I was the Borderline partner of the Narcissist in a relationship of 4 years where we were incredible happy, I noticed he was cheating on me and we broke up 5 months ago, and I mortified him twice and he confesses me always his suicidal ideation after our rupture, after the first month of no contact he is trying to contact me and meet me, each two weeks. He came to my door twice and he beggin me not to leave him crying... he is still sending me emails and songs... but sometimes he insults me in audios saying he hates me. He is draving to crazyness.

[@ivana5240]

One day "mine" will do suicide, or an attempt at it. I know it. I really feel it, it will happen. His mother tried as well, she has bipolar. Just sth I feel in my bones. Should I tell him if I see him again?

[@gabrielaolivarez8842]

@@ivana5240 If you still have some feelings for him, just go away fast and not come back never again! Because you are feeding his dependence each time he sees you or have any contact with you.

[@ivana5240]

Thank you. I know. I should know. Yes, I still have triggers sometimes when visiting places/areas close to him. This type of triggers... it is something that I know happens in such toxic former relationships. It was short but he made sure it was "memorable". I know I am the winner here. He knows as well. And yet.. Now, I am only a kilometer or two away from him, incognito, and I feel him almost breathing behind my neck. Funny, when I'm the stronger one mentally. I will go through this phase and win it, I promise!!! Thank you so much for your comment!

[@gabrielaolivarez8842]

@@ivana5240 how are you doing now??

[@ivana5240]

@@gabrielaolivarez8842 I'm doing great, thank you! I understand that his was a world of constructed fantasy, which has little resemblance to the real life, facts, because he can't face the reality. It's not possible to cure him, so he lives in his world and I have my own life. Luckily for me, our relationship didn't last long and it's easier to let go. How are you? I hope you're well!

[@kellyperez2543]

Yes it was technicolor in the beginning. Eventually it becomes the death of a dream never actualized.

[@joanofarc33]

How can a BPD be a narcissist yet a failed narcissist?

[@KasiaBasia-nm4nm]

Ale po co zrywać to idealne dopasowanie? Skoro się uzupełniają to niech będą razem...

[@joannelewis8038]

❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤ Drama hahaha. You made me laugh then. I'm glad my madness has purpose. Are you saying now I'm the narcissist and he's the borderline. That should fix him....Sam are you eating Bordalines? I'm only joking that was really deep Sam Thank you for sharing x

[@guniakot3866]

Jezu jezu jezu. To mnie rozkłada.

[@karenlabrenz7719]

How is empathy an insult if they pretend to be a victim ?

[@dariazukowskapsychologkliniczn]

Exactly

[@sadibarry]

Mind blowen🤯

[@miriamberger9677]

Thank you!!!

[@cocoo1078]

What about the BPD and codependent match?

[@kakopczynska2684]

skąd takie założenie, że narcyz wierzy, że wybrany partner nie nadużyje władzy wobec niego, dlaczego niby miałby czuć się bezpieczny? Założenie bez uzasadnienia. Jeżeli nawet stara się on powrócić do stanu niemalże prenatalnego, to jednak jego wykształcona persona "stoi na straży" jego niezależności. ???

[@jessicaelizabeth8603]

Oh my gosh!!!! You're so right about what happens to the codependent when she tries to leave the narcissist... & I don't think all narcissists are "bad," bc everything is on a scale, due to consciousness, etc)....But my ex saw me as his divine feminine in his idealized image, believing he was possibly my one & only "twin flame," ... But I swear he made some progress when we were together, and so did I. I remember once he was giving me a full body massage after intercourse & said, "I'm sculpting you like clay" lol & I woke up to him staring at me in a dark for we telling me how the shade of blue from the walls looks beautiful ony face, & back then I thought that was cute, but was worried I might have looked stupid while sleeping, lol...but it wàs creepy. The first time we met he literally bit my neck so hard I bled...but I'm worse, bc I didn't mind, it didn't hurt, at all. & I might be the worst female codependent/masochist on earth...Can you please talk.abput stolkholm syndrome, when you get time? Actually, sorry, I should look it up first. P.S. The woman here is gorgeous and smart & so are you!!! Thank you Professor Vaknin!!! You always deliver A Class information.💞🙏 Very grateful 💞🙏

[@kuibeiguahua]

DAMNIT, was I the borderline or was I the narcissist? 7 yearssss!

[@belizejuliette7223]

Not really true! The x narcissist i was together. He devalued me 3 times for his x wife. The x wife warned me that he was an alcoholic narcissist. She was severed abused for 15 years. She did everything to get him back. She eventually did. They now live together and re married. They will never leave each other. Tragic

[@richardcrook2112]

The narcissist will often be very much like a chameleon, displaying a colour to blend into his environment.

[@guniakot3866]

trochę jak wywiad z wampirem...

[@fsd1486]

Very very interesting. As i thought rhere are Many reversed conceptions of narcissim

[@polnykwiatek12]

Super 😊

[@kasiabuchta3519]

Czekamy na polskie napisy

[@marysienka307]

Szkoda, że nie wiedziałam tego wcześniej. Moja koleżanka była w związku z narcyzem, który poniżał ją wśród znajomych. Ze względu na ciągłe dramy podczas spotkań towarzyskich postanowiłam, że powiem o tym co on mówił na jej temat do mojego chłopaka. (Szukał innej dziewczyny, chciał z nią zerwać). Włożyłam tylko kij w mrowisko. On wszystkiego się wyparł i zrzucił wine na mnie.

[@renatapeciak7699]

Skoro narcyz nie może kochać to czy jest możliwe, że może kochać zwierzęta?

[@dariazukowskapsychologkliniczn]

nie jest

[@Anna-ot2zj]

A czy możliwe, że narcyz jest od nas, powiedzmy, dyszkę młodszy, w relacji podwładnego do opiekuna, w której dokonuje się odwrócenie ról? Tak, możliwe. Ale trochę śmieszne, że ktoś, kto mógłby być naszym sporo młodszym braciszkiem, zaczyna się bawić w naszą mamusię. Eh, życie...

[@SuperBlakes2]

This is good

[@cholestroll8937]

Is he in Poland?

[@LUCIAN8016]

No nie... jak można się pakować w takie relacje...😂 to nie jest "rainbow" to jest "bad trip po srogich pigułach" kolorki też są różne, ale to nie jest rainbow😂

[@Pursuit4happiness]

Why does the narc cheat them because they become bpd? I thought both are bpd one more narcs and other emo ..

[@Lullyart]

It’s funny because The narc makes appear he doesn’t give a f*** because he was G’d’s like, but I remarked to him that he is needy front to social situations, he was very upset by my remark