Narcissistic Sense of Entitlement: Covert vs Grandiose

[@bellaluce7088]

I'm sick of the lot of them. I'm not on this planet to prop up the self-esteem of entitled jerks.

[@danieljohnson2349]

👏👏👏👏👏 !!!

[@margaretohara7250]

As they say' "you hit the nail on the head". Let them be. Life is tough for everyone - 99.99 per cent of us have to survive and we don't have luxury of being a "narcissistt". Blessings,

[@almondmilksoda]

PREACH!

[@cassien7585]

I have cover narc inlaws and you're right. They are soooo draining. I spent 2 days woth them and i need a 6 month reprieve.

[@ginafarley6190]

I find the grandiose peeps easier to deal with. Ask for their advice, praise them, etc. The coverts are more sullen, unpredictable and more likely to talk behind your back if you fail to read their mind and give them proper responses.

[@spencer9892]

True but asking for advice and giving them praise is jus as effective on them as it is on grandiose.

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

And dangerous

[@Maruzzela-l1u]

​trur.narcs are easily fooled which makes t sad when you love them and >dont want to fool them>while seing others doing it easily ..which if you explain it to them first its denial then upon realisation they feel foolish .flawd and that you now know it or that you accuse them of that .finally they ll get that point but still include you among the ppl who can fool them in fact they ll b even more suspicious coz they now see you as capable of doing that since you can observe and revognise it.they dont undetstand intent.that you simply dont want to hurt them

[@thewoundedhealer4950]

Thanks, and yes. Regardless of how poorly they treat others, they demand or coerce you into adulation, admiration, and ‘positive vibes only’. Rrright….

[@margaretohara7250]

Thank you for making people aware. A Dr. Romani who is expert on. this has a book on sale now. She truly goes into detail on this type of person.

[@lreevesnyc21]

These videos are SO helpful to those of us in a relationship with these “crazy makers “ Mine 8 years before I finally understood this man can never be normal and to “GET OUT” Mine was a covert ( who started out sweet and shy got 5 years, who went into a narcissistic collapse that put be thru such cruelty and fear that a hard STOP, was final and my empathetic nature stopped trying to save him and turned inward to save me. Keep these posts coming. They save people’s sanity.

[@thechaostrials1964]

Great video. There is some nuance when it comes to Narcs. I couldn't say that mine was covert and she wasn't grandiose. However, she was an altruistic narcissist. She was openly self loathing around me, AND showed zero respect for laws or ethics or boundaries. In public she was generous, attention seeking, superficially flattering to everyone, the fun little pixie that everyone loved. Behind closed doors, she was an unstable demon.

[@shannondavidson946]

My male narc was exactly the same way! Mr Fabulous out in the world. Aloof, sullen, manic and chronic malcontent at home. No regard for rules, law, boundaries - mine or otherwise. Ugh. Exhausting. No thanks.

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

​@@shannondavidson946did you get the F away. Tell us you aren't in that CO dependent hell

[@BeeBeeBell]

That sounds like a communal narc

[@Internal.Inferno]

Regarding their public image vs private reality...you formed it perfectly.

[@Rockgirl21]

I wish I had known what covert narcissim was 40 years ago. It would've explained so many behaviors my ex displayed on a daily basis.

[@izawaniek2568]

This is exactly the case. Humility and gratitude are super powers completely lost when it comes to narcisists. Their childish entitlement and arrogance are tragic and cosmic simultaneously. Thank you Darren.

[@4Mikes4Mindset4]

Exactly....

[@sharonthompson672]

Thanks Darren! 👍🙂 I have a grandiose at work and a covert parent. Both miserable and infuriating in their own way. 😞

[@cynthiachristiansen8803]

It's amazing how my therapist has me practicing self care bynpaying attention to my own needs as recovery, andtaking back my power from narcissistic control. My partner sees this as narcissistic. 🤯

[@kaoshi_kutie]

Think you need a new partner!! ❤

[@bereal6590]

The moment you start thinking of your own needs they start with the guiltily, that you're ungrateful, blaming and shaming ramp up! They love telling people what to do and have near zero patience. Mine started bringing up supposed slights from the past!

[@GodHelpMe369]

BELOW ARE THE 10 SIGNS OF A MOTHER WITH VULNERABLE NARCISSISTIC TRAITS, AND HOW IT IMPACTS HER SON(S) - 1. External Locus of Control: Mom believes her emotions are controlled by others and doesn't recognize she can change internally. (She is therefore more prone to co-morbid conditions like Anxiety and Depression, due to her high neuroticism.) 2. Victim-Mindset. But her anger is primarily directed internally, rather than externally (as with Grandiose Narcs). 3. Unforgiving. Mom says she forgives but brings up past mistakes (as leverage and manipulation for future favors from son...) 4. Good at picking up deception and social cues in others because Mom is looking for threats to turn into arguments... 5. Believes her status a Mom entitles her to be the only important person in her son's life, so she doesn't have to work at the relationship. 6. Vindictive in a subtle way, e.g. sells son's stuff. 7. Insecure, and will predict son will abandon her. She doesn't want to lose the affection of the son. 8. Blames the son for her own narcissism by saying she wants a close relationship, but then claims the son doesn't love her "enough," or is not trying hard enough. She also has terrible listening skills. Thereby making it harder for the son to have a deep, meaningful relationship with her. 9. Unhappy with her life. Doesn't see herself as successful, but presents herself to others as competent and wonderful. Fishes for compliments to feed her low self-esteem. 10. Has very little trust in others, and has a "Hostile-Attribution-Bias:" sees ambiguous situations as hostile when they're not, and acts out in condescending/arrogant ways and antagonizes people. When the antagonized person speaks up because she has antagonized them, she believes it confirms they were "out to get her." Creates a vicious cycle. Mom may ask son to intervene and defend her, creating a no-win situation for the son.

[@richardgoreilly4706]

Thank you. Informative and engaging as always. I find myself less drawn to the characteristics and signs content. Enough is enough. The healing..the moving on...the ability to thrive more than survive. That is the sought after Golden Ticket. Cheers

[@BeeBeeBell]

The covert won't actually ask for help. Instead they give you an actual list of everything they are doing and and it will end with ..." I just wish I had more time to do (insert whatever they're trying to manipulate you to do.) My Last response to that ploy was: Well, we all have the same 24 hrs in every day! Then I got a 2 wk silent treatment.😊

[@ofrabjousday1]

I've often wondered whether narcissism is an evolutionary mechanism that we all have as a survival tool, and whether it simply becomes deformed by one's environment or relationship to one's world. Or is it more like a person's religion, which can also be a healthy thing for them emotionally, or a source of deforming them. When I studied psychology in the 1980's, I had written a thesis on narcissism being a person's individual religion spectrum that we are all on, to one degree or another. Your videos, Darren, are an extension of that research way back when. Thanks for taking us down further avenues and alley ways not always generally traveled.

[@kaynock1585]

That was really good, very informative 👍

[@triple999fruitful]

Thank you, that was clarifying as it explains recent observations. Suggestion - a video on how narcissistic people spot each other ,sometimes instantly.

[@notagain779]

@triple999fruitful, That's a good point. I worked with two, who were both extreme. They hated each other the minute they met, but both wanted MY friendship, back when I had some codependent tendencies. I didn't remain friends with either of them for long, which was awkward at work, but I had to protect myself. Soon I had the reputation of being a bitch.

[@stitchinginthebarn8307]

My narc MIL mistakes arrogance for confidence and competence. Both of her partners were grandiose narcs and she is a poor me covert narc. She likely thought they were capable of giving her everything she wanted but majorly mistaken both times.

[@notagain779]

@@stitchinginthebarn8307, That's a very astute observation! Arrogance and confidence have nothing to do with each other.

[@lolainma3218]

I have a daughter who lied to several friends and a few boyfriends about her older brother having molested her when she was young. It took her 7 years to admit she lied. I asked her why she lied to her boyfriend at the time (my son and her bf loved each other’s company) and she said matter of factly and without and signs of shame or embarrassment for having done so ..”oh I told Chris because I needed an excuse for not wanting to have sex with him”. There are so many issues with this daughter but her lies are ongoing and her verbal abuse of me when you say just one simple thing that confronts her leads to months to years of estrangement. She always comes back eventually but always starts out with some attempt to manipulate that seems innocuous. Ex: I’m going to buy a sailboat for when I retire and I’m thinking of naming it Rita”. (Rita was my mothers name who died BEFORE my daughter was born. I’ve done so many things that I should not have when she needed money, or help of any kind. No more of that. She has held and excelled in her job now of 5 years.. which is a first. Top 2 tree climbers in New England. (That’s not a lie). She’s beautiful, charming and smart. All advantageous for her. I want her to see she needs help. Is she Borderline , Narcissist and/or Sociopath? She does seem to have emotion about losing my son but it’s a question who the tears are for? Her? Guidance anyone?

[@TC-gx3qn]

So sorry you are having to live with this. I am not a therapist but in my research on narcissism, I have discovered it is possible for a person to have more than one personality disorder. The behavior you have described, however, sounds more like high spectrum narcissism than sociopathy. Sociopaths manipulate people just because it's fun. Narcissists lie and manipulate for attention (sympathy for being molested in this case), admiration or to get something they want. Since no self-reflection is a main trait of narcissism and also because they gaslight themselves about their own behavior, it takes a long time (and some never do) for them to admit the truth about themselves. All you can do for her is continue pointing out the truth of her behavior, but you can't make her believe it. My guidance would be to learn as much as you can about narcissism so that you can protect yourself from the mental and physiological chaos that being in a close relationship with a narcissist can bring; some have had mental breakdowns and/or suffered chronic health conditions. This channel and Surviving Narcissism are great resources.

[@neilmurphy966]

I think R2-D2 thought Threepio may have covert narcissist aspects with his constant whining, complaining, and need for validation.. and the way he often looked down on R2 taking his frustrations out on him.. (well, it does fit..and couldn't resist with seeing the R2 is background 😆😍)

[@carlosbonilla6966]

So good ❣️Thank you!

[@robbehr8806]

Good video! I've noticed some narcissists portray themselves as empaths. Is empath portrayal more prevalent in grandiose or covert narcs?

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you so much for your kind support 👍

[@mariannekoroleva6495]

GREAT!!!:)))!!👍💯%!! Thank You!!🌞✨😊

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

🌱🌏💚

[@etaokha4164]

My mother is grandiose and my ex was covert both different but same way of abuse and entitlement. Saddist

[@TC-gx3qn]

Another spot on video, Darren!

[@cann8035]

The rules somehow don’t apply to them

[@irisiris6717]

Thank you.

[@mommaboombam3764]

Coverts hide their entitlements ( sneaky). Grandiose are upfront about their entitlements (easier to spot). Don't don't be fooled, they can switch their tactics at will. Take everyone and wish you healing and peace.

[@MrSaxonHall]

I know they say that everyone has elements of narcissism. But i really felt the "sense of injustice" bit. I do hold grudges for things i felt were unfair. I didn't really identify with any of the others, but it does make me wonder/doubt myself now. Apologies if you have already done this already as I haven't see all your videos. But I would be interested to hear what you have to say about identifying narcissism in oneself.

[@bereal6590]

'The put upon' tactic. That's my mother. She didn't have to marry my father, she didn't have to stay, she didn't have to have a child. They were all her choices and now that it's hot played out how she wanted, she is a victim martyr

[@RobbieMeadows-oz4cx]

Darren. Is it possible that you can recommend some support forums. I have gone no contact with my toxic narcissistic sisters. I don't know how l haven't lost my mind. It's been horrific. I ain't going back. I have to heal. I know this is possible ❤❤

[@DarrenFMagee]

So sorry I’ve just seen this. There are a lot of forums on social media like Facebook etc, unfortunately we don’t always know if they are any good or not until we join them. I believe Jay Reid has a forum, I think it’s on Facebook. He is a therapist with a lot of knowledge about narcissistic abuse and recovery The details are on his KZbin channel if you want to have a look see if it would be helpful?

[@RobbieMeadows-oz4cx]

@DarrenFMagee Thank you. Hey , don't worry . I know the KZbin procedure and why you missed my comment

[@Kbrjp-kx8sl]

You’re are not alone. I still have contact with my siblings but I decide to cut contact too.

[@pamelaboardman6147]

Having listened to your videos i resonate with all i do think my mother had both grandiose narcissism and covert. Can i ask if these can cross over. My childhood was extremely abusive. Over the years ive had counselling and it did help but its only at the age i an now at 51 that I've put the pieces together the word Narcissist was the breaker and healer of my soul. Knowing now that i was a victim of narcissistic abuse can i finally heal. Listening to yourself and people like you have brought me the understanding of my whole life. My mum was a grandiose in public and then a covert behind closed doors, my brother was the golden child and is now also a narcissist my farther was an enabler and its effected my whole life without going it the ins and outs of the abuse i will just say that i first tried to kill myself at the age of 8 as life was so hurtful and unbearable the only time i was ok was when i was asleep and i remember just never wanting to wake up. I'm now embarking on a journey of writing a book. I found solace in my thirties in painting out the pain but still having a sense of duty to my parents i kept my family in my life. my dad died a few years ago and have dealt with my mother and brother since then until finally having to go none contact 2 weeks ago. i hope my book will help other people to understand the long term effects of narcissistic abuse and how it effects you for a life time I'm hoping now as I'm moving into later life i can feel healed although finding love outside of myself seems unlikely but i shall finally have self love. Im going to be the mother to the unloved and lonely child within me and protect, nurture and love the inner child that has been so disregarded and abused. Thank you to people like you who have given me the gift of understanding thank you. Namaste and much love pamela

[@TC-gx3qn]

Beautifully expressed. Blessings on your healing journey and your book. 🩷

[@keithtalbot5744]

After watching this video I see that I have just left a woman who is covert narcissist. I was with her 4 years. She drained me emotionally. Do people need Councelling after relationships like this? She has all the trates of a covert as outlined in the video. Someone please reply thankyou

[@lizzijansen6527]

Yes. Counseling will help. Don’t know why I didn’t get counseling after my ex husband walked out and ghosted me. Would have probably saved me from years of agony. Just do it.

[@marthawilson5784]

I was raised by a pair of N, how does that work?

[@AjimoleVarghese]

It's okay

[@NarcMGrandiose-b5j]

Narcos never get it.

[@NarcMGrandiose-b5j]

Narcos never get it.