Dating Modern Men In A Sea of RED FLAGS - An Ultimatum Season 3 Breakdown

Let's go over all the red flags in Netflix's Ultimatum S3. If you haven't seen the show, that's okay you really don't need to lmao.
For more red flag discussion join us on our podcast - our latest episode is allll about how to spot red flags and it's over 2 hours long!
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#forwomen #netflixshow #theultimatum #relationships #dating #datingadvice #4b #women #forwomen

[@sheilac3836]

Love how when a man wants connection he focuses on smex and how important it is for him in a relationship … but if he has an affair and smex outside the relationship it means nothing….

[@LuckSpinner]

🤯

[@lets.get.intoit.]

OMG

[@pink1237480]

Exactly which is another reason why when they say sex is just sex it's not emotional it's a lie!

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

Oh my goshhhh . Yuckkkkk. They are twisted .

[@AM-yi4qb]

Same dudes who will say smex is my love language.

[@xysarenottheprize]

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. All these Netflix shows (The Ultimatum, Perfect Match, Love is Blind, etc) are a vehicle for mediocre men to have plenty of noncommittal, consequence-free xes with beautiful Women and then at the end of the show the men can just dip out with their wins leaving the Women holding the bag. It’s hookup culture on steroids.

[@marys2406]

This.

[@winning3329]

Ladies just get a cat or puppy. They will give you unconditional love.

[@xysarenottheprize]

I love my cats. 💜

[@Morozova48]

Yup, I swear getting pets healed something in me that I didn't know needed healing Can't imagine a life without pets but I don't mind a life without men lol

[@elisavh7]

yes, pets bring peace, men bring chaos.

[@Serioslump]

As long as you adopt from a shelter and don’t go to a pet shop or breeder!! 💯💯

[@legalfictionnaturalfact3969]

Serios, depends on the breeder.

[@involuntarilycelebrate]

I like watching you but I'm 52 and past menopause and I have no desire for men anymore. I want to give you a Beacon of Hope ladies. Once you go through menopause you will lose absolutely all desire to be around men and it makes it so much easier. Keep sticking to your guns lady

[@AseRa444]

Yeah, I'm post menopausal too and I lost quite a bit of interest in them too, I like my peace. But it would be great if they would learn & grow up so we can at least be able to befriend & work with them in a healthier way.

[@xysarenottheprize]

I’m 31 and I have no desire to be around them.

[@ulalalalala9099]

I'm 25yo and I never had the "desire" to throw my common sense out of the window for them.

[@LaraCookie5]

26 y/o and don’t care about men. The 4B movement it is.

[@NinaGothMambaNegra]

getting there :)

[@RedDeadReverie]

Men never appreciate the women in their lives because we’re disposable/replaceable to them. And they’ll repeat the cycle of taking their partner for granted and losing them because in their mind it’s never their fault.

[@nathanmstroud]

@@RedDeadReverie That has never been true.

[@RedDeadReverie]

@ Says the man 🤡

[@RedDeadReverie]

@@nathanmstroud Says the man 🥴

[@nathanmstroud]

@RedDeadReverie No, says the women in my life.

[@lisarey3]

@@RedDeadReverie right? He says it’s “fake news!”

[@Kohana07]

I'm so glad you mentioned these behaviors applied to non romantic relationships with men because they 💯 does and a lot of women forget that.

[@ilikemaline]

I wonder how horrific Nick's behaviour after the meltdown was with Vanessa. Based on what she said at the reunion I guess it was so bad it wasn't shown on the series. These men make my skin crawl.

[@BrujaTheYogi]

Love how quickly and swiftly you weed out predatory behaviour, it's an absolute skill. ❤ love you!

[@jessicahitchens6926]

A passive man is about as useful as a chocolate teapot 🤡

[@rays.3242]

Definitely one of my problems, I'm passive and blasè about a lot of things

[@ThetaDawn]

Why? No drama. No BS.

[@Lysistrata2025]

These men make me so happy to be single!

[@navideology]

Passivity is a big red flag. 🎯👏🏻

[@emhu2594]

Passivity is not an accurate description of this behavior. Actively leading someone on is not passive...at all

[@wynngwynn]

what fucking made me laugh the most, was when nick pretended like he was reaching into his pocket for something other than the ring, saw the horror in her face then acted like he was reaching for something else lmaoooo. Nice try dude, you won't save face.

[@C-Line-m2x]

No no, the good guys who are avoidant don’t deserve any slack because it’s a very slippery slope and their narcissistic tendencies would come out if they weren’t on a show

[@Prinzyxox]

Literally.

[@lets.get.intoit.]

LOLed at the cool girl part. Reevaluate all your life choices immediately!

[@lNowHerel]

laughed so hard. its so real

[@lane6216]

I so wish someone would have told me this when I was young. It would have saved me a lifetime of hurt. Thank you for saying this so succinctly and calmly. You’re doing a very important work. 💕

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

The entire show and its premise takes advantage of women and mocks their hope for healthy romantic love

[@PrincessC03]

Just takes their compassionate and loving nature then proceeds to spit on it.

[@lNowHerel]

it mocks anyone still foolish enough to believe those traditional relationship structures are healthy

[@wanjikuhiuhu]

Very true

[@wanjikuhiuhu]

​@@lNowHerel💯

[@Fkpatriarchy]

"Bless their hearts" used completely correctly. Source: grew up in the south

[@NovaDivine999]

Love your channel and how you break things down. You’re so on point it’s scary! I’d love to see you do one on men’s current obsession with “Cooking With Kya”

[@yv_edit]

I just recorded the vid! Will be up later today :)

[@BrujaTheYogi]

They fucked around and found out 😂

[@sarahb9230]

I had a thought about how as a culture we tend to label women as borderline but these men are out here having frantic reactions to perceived abandonment, swinging wildly from idealizing their partner to devaluing them. I'm certainly not diagnosing anyone, but I have noticed the disconnect. Love your channel ❤

[@darkvalkyrie5366]

Them just throwing mantrums. I don't even have the nerves to watch these types shows.

[@emhu2594]

These types of shows are fascinating to me because i have dated every color of each of these red flags that appear on these shows. I think it really is all men. I also think it's interesting that I never gave them more than one date, but these women stay for years and they become either a sobbing mess like Arya or defensive, insecure and unhinged like Zaina. I have not dated for 13 years because this is really all that is out there for us. Various sizes and shades of red flags.

[@lenanicole2837]

Never watched this show and never will this is actually insane lol but I had to comment on at least one aspect of what you said because of the psychology when you were talking about this guy JR. Because yeah, that is how it works with black men specifically because there is a crossing over between class or perceived class and race as well as their misogyny. For Black Men from top to bottom it goes: White Men (this one is supposed to be a secret lol shhh) White Women Non Black WOC with white skin (white East Asians, white Latinas, etc.) Mixed Women & Light Skinned, racially ambiguous women (they have half white in them or more in their minds or features opposite of theirs which is why they are here) Non Black WOC with tan skin (Indian, Thai, black or mixed race Latinas etc. Black Women JR was already dating a mixed black woman with light tan skin. That woman to the top left was actually a step DOWN in his mind from who he was already dating and treating like crap. The woman he was already with was a step UP to him psychologically from a black woman but not the top of the totem pole. Which is why when he met the lady in the upper left compared to Sandy he treated them as polar opposites. Because she is the bottom of the totem pole to him and Sandy is literally the top. And it is specifically because of her race, class placement and social standing, and other racial attributes such as straight hair, a narrow nose, etc. (On top of that she was willing to be his indentured mother and maid and sleep with him immediately by way of even agreeing to go on a show like this and not just breaking up with her partner; basically his dream.) So yeah, he did the interview because he was on a show and had to but no, he wasn't happy about it as he already knew he didn't want her and therefore it was a waste of his time. He wanted nothing to do with that woman and wants nothing to do with any black woman. The more black that you present as a black woman such as with obviously ethnic hairstyles adding on in their mind to the things that are already wrong (because these are the same things they hate in themselves but are projecting onto the black woman as being ugly, like a wider nose, brown skin, coiled hair which they coined nappy as a negative term, etc.) the worse you will be treated. (There is an added sicker component of jealousy towards black woman that is compounded by race; the first time because of the regular jealousy of men towards women for being overall more competent, accomplished and well rounded people with natural power and the second time because being black while also being a woman in their minds is the only way to be that close to a white man. They cannot be as close as they really would want to be to white men without falling out of the social safety net of being considered heterosexual. So they envy that black women as their racial counterparts can freely and openly be with white men. But I digress or do I anyway lol) But that is why the woman in the upper left who is the most black woman there got treated the worst by him, the more black that woman is the more black men will hate and despise that woman. On the flip side the more stereo typically white a woman is in their perception, the better she is (for example a white woman who they consider ghetto or a throwback is not the same to him as Sandy would be.) White men and not white women are at the top of the hierarchy because psychologically the ultimate fantasy is to come FROM a white man, which if true would obviously make them themselves white men, which is their biggest fantasy. The other art of that is being accepted and loved, (yes like a father) by white men which is their greatest, deepest rooted psychological want. It is actually really, really sad. This comes from extremely deep self hatred about their racial attributes, skin color and historical standing; a racial self hatred so strong that the consequences of it spill onto the women and children of their race and even to other racial groups. So they do the next best thing they can which is try to proximate themselves as close as possible to whiteness. They try to do this through getting a white woman to be their girlfriend or better yet wife and best of all, for her to have their children. Because the prize in the possession of those children is they are now closer to whiteness, but they also come from him, which in turn makes him feel closer to whiteness or like he has somehow theoretically turned white. At least as much as he can. Their psychology is some of the deepest and most twisted.

[@PrincessC03]

Beautifully written! JR was hoping that Sandy would leave the experiment with him and tried his hardest to contain his disappointment when she ultimately said no. He treated Zaina, a mixed-black woman, like she was his enemy, while treating Sandy with adoration which transcended just having a new partner. It is all racial, as you've thoroughly described.

[@jojojams]

Wow! Thanks for this. I'm currently going thru something that I couldn't make sense of and this explains it to a tee...specifically the part abt BM wanting proximity to WM. 🤯

[@Prinzyxox]

Bingo.

[@wanjikuhiuhu]

Omg 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 Like, I'm in shock. Jesus!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for breaking this down

[@leilap2495]

Your analysis is so spot on! Subscribing immediately.

[@yv_edit]

yay!! thank you I’m so glad you’re here!!

[@ceruleanwonder]

29:39 well it takes one to know one. It makes sense that the worst man on the show would be able to identify another dude being a gross creep. They probably have a lot in common.

[@MS-sr6mj]

I felt the same about the guy who gave the ultimatum. SCARY. At the same tine you got scared for those women, I did, too, when I was watching. He has all the signs for danger ahead. Escape before it's too late.

[@wanjikuhiuhu]

16:15 Interviewing for the role of a "Mommy bang-mate" is craaaazy

[@truecrimewith6723]

JR also mentioned he was homeless when he was younger. That can dramatically shape your sense of self, etc.

[@SalemCake]

To be fair sandy seemed like she really wanted to do his laundry he even said let me do my own laundry and she was like “no I would like to do it” if am remembering correctly

[@OGfromQueens]

5,6,7,ATE!!

[@DK-ue4ey]

👏This was such an insightful analysis. All the feelings of disgust I felt while watching it being explained like this makes things so clear.

[@daniellestern6122]

Another thing with JR is at the changeover when they are meeting before going back to their original partners, while Zaina is voicing her concerns about Scottie’s behavior and treatment of her JR calls her petty and acts like he is siding with Scottie

[@justliving919]

Weird that people thought of JR as the alpha because I got 💅🏾vibes from him 😭

[@mzlinna3683]

I'm with you. He doesn't like women at all

[@emhu2594]

Alpha and beta doesn't exist in the human species. There are weak men who hate and fear women, and they call themselves alphas.

[@ilikemaline]

Omg I love your channel. I only found it a couple of days ago but auch good content! ❤

[@zl6262]

I need Nick to admit that the real reason he got that Jr tattoo

[@Gchili]

I think he was high out of his mind and thought it was a good idea at the time

[@thaibasil78]

Great video. I love the explanations and the overall discussion

[@marleyofficialmedia]

I love hearing your thoughts sister.

[@I_am_not_your_sister]

Scotty was terrifying - it was so hard to watch him.

[@caseyw.6550]

Can you please open up a hotline? Like charge $3.99 a min or something? I'd pay! Lmao

[@ushere5791]

i'd love to see you do a SABCDF scale with red flags, green flags, and examples (helpful using people we in the public are familiar with).

[@caseyw.6550]

Why does sandy look exactly like that Jessica woman?

[@snwngl2261]

Grossss 😂 I just love your content. I just nod the whole time because everything is so spot on ❤

[@Ms.Delphine1204]

I will say I do believe Nicks tattoo was a mistake and he didn’t get it in the same place as JR I thought it was strange after the couples reunited for the second trial marriage, that sandy didn’t even correlate it. It was like she didn’t even realize JR had that tattoo on his hands and you know he must’ve talked about it to her because he loved talking about himself. I actually believe she didn’t go all the way with JR

[@lNowHerel]

not you defending that weird ass behavior. tf are you on. also, editing, you. dont know that she didnt comment

[@wanjikuhiuhu]

Nick is that you??😂😂

[@hailey3547]

Wow this is spot on

[@dragonfox2.058]

🥇

[@101N1]

Ugh so glad you didn’t give Caleb a pass. He was the least obviously problematic but still so problematic. JR: Aria was black, and she didn’t want to sleep with him so he lost interest. Sandy was white and he fetishized her. Plus she was willing to put out.

[@dawnhughes9942]

Please talk about the Duke lacrosse case.

[@RedHairedRiot]

The best thing women can do from these shows is LEARN. TAKE NOTES, LADIES. NOTICE PATTERNS. Yes, YOUR MAN. YES. HIM, TOO.

[@Nonnitot]

You made a lot of very good points, but I’d like to say that a lot of autistic people also ”switch up” depending who they’re around. The difference being it’s not in any way tied to malice or manipulation. I’d like to think people can tell the difference, but I know that’s not always the case. I just hope that people don’t use this to further hate on autistic people who’re trying to navigate a confusing world.

[@navideology]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@triloization]

❤❤❤❤

[@Roxane_campbell]

It would be good to have a bit of context. Who are these people?