Dating Over 50: How 10 Rare Traits Make You a "Total Catch" and GREAT Romantic Partner!

[@ylana4444]

My therapist once asked me.. “What do you love about surfing?”. I said…”it feels like I’m walking on water”. That was a great moment in therapy.

[@2ndActTV]

Great example!! I love that!

[@projecttau145]

See, this is a wonderful thing. I like hearing the why, and not just the what. Being able to share (explain) is where people can undersatnd and empathize, I feel.

[@amyshelton5727]

Great show, ladies. Integrity, respect, empathy, and kindness are cornerstones of communication. Being the best you with authenticity is a trait that appeals to all who come in contact with you. Great tip Joni, never stop trying to be your best. Thank you Silke and Joni for helping all of us realize the potential within ourselves that others see, even if we don't see them within ourselves. Thank you, and have a great life.

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you Amy! Your supportive comment is MUCH appreciated 🤗

[@kerryfoster1]

Another great video. One point I always make is a man has to have MATURITY. the most fundamentally useful asset a man can have. I doesn't matter what you have DONE. what mistakes you have made AS LONG AS YOU HAVE LEARNT THE LESSON and changed your perception. THAT is maturity. A man who flies off the handle or is MOODY is not only immature but childishly incapable. A MAJOR red flag.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Kerry! Learning from mistakes is definitely a fundamental asset! Thanks for watching!

[@Portia620]

Tell someone no see how they were also change of plans if they react to that are they easy go lucky or do they have to control this situation? Do they get mad? Do they make you feel guilty so many people, man or woman?

[@lckendel1079]

Thank you for the uplifting video. I’ve missed you guys! I would add the quality of not complaining. And I don’t mean passive aggressive, tolerating stuff you don’t like, but rather not dumping little disappointments onto others. It’s such an easy habit to get into.

[@2ndActTV]

Glad to see you back! Hope all is well, and totally agree with your comment! 🤗

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Dumping in any way is a good indicator that one of you are off, right? NO DUMPING signs should be made for all of us!

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@davidbardes8233]

So many comments already. I had a beautiful conversation with the woman who I am dating. She is a poet, writer, spiritual director, chaplain, and grief counselor. She has unlimited intellectual curiousity. I too am curious, but where she likes to read and study, I like to witness and experience. It took us a while to recognize and understand how our curiosity took form in each other.

[@2ndActTV]

What a beautiful observation!! Thanks for sharing!!

[@projecttau145]

This is cool, seeing how curiosity manifests differently. I would do well to learn from this; thank you.

[@taylorbaumgarten8590]

I’ve experienced this, too!

[@jessicaroll9878]

Loved this video. I'm trying to lift myself up after getting divorced last December. This channel helps -- ESPECIALLY THE LAUGHING!

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you Jessica! We’re glad you’re here!🤗

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Hahahahah. That's me laughing for more. Thanks for watching and we are thrilled you're here.

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@joerockhead7246]

never stop trying . great advice. thanks, Silke, & Joni. I enjoyed this episode.

[@2ndActTV]

I agree! Thanks Joe!

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@azmike3572]

The word "catch" here reminds me of that old phrase, "He chased her until she caught him."

[@2ndActTV]

That's funny! I actually don't think I ever heard that! I'll have to remember that one!

[@rosswardrop465]

My advice stay single .

[@azmike3572]

@@rosswardrop465 Yes, especially if you win a big lottery.

[@csmith8503]

@@rosswardrop465 - Please give your definition of "single". Do you mean alone, not in a committed relationship, or just un-married?

[@andrewbird57]

I always enjoy the conversations between you and your guests, Silke. I feel the most important assets are knowing your own self-worth and always conducting yourself with class and dignity. When I was young I worked in service jobs, including bartending. I appreciated being treated with respect by customers and it's important that as a customer I treat those who are serving me with the utmost respect. Sometimes I think our generation - boomers - has a reputation for acting entitled and superior and I want to counter that. I have a lot more I could say on these topics, but don't want to ramble. I'll just say, again, the topics and discussions you have here are always interesting and your videos are worth watching. If any man of our generation really wants to know how to win over women, they just need to watch this channel and they will get a full education.

[@2ndActTV]

What a complimentary and supportive thing to say, Andrew!! That makes me feel really good, and is what keeps me going when I wonder "why am I spending all this time doing this"??? 🤗

[@andrewbird57]

@@2ndActTV I wonder if you could put all of the material you've accumulated into a book.

[@2ndActTV]

@@andrewbird57 I have thought about how I might use the transcripts for a written asset, like a book. With AI now, maybe I could actually dedicate the time to assemble it! 🙂

[@peacefulloveagain4124]

Very similar journeys. So sad how different things are now. Men literally don't need to know your name and have dozens in rotation. I feel for the future of society with this, and it's all media driven.

[@talesofmydog]

I always judge their dog to get a feel if someone is a good catch!

[@Portia620]

? How so?

[@Portia620]

My dog is rotten so what’s that say about me?😂🤦‍♀️

[@donniedotzler7387]

Pets = Next!

[@Jeronimo.67]

This is fantastic. Thank you Ladies.

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you! Thanks for watching!

[@ISing4Jesus6353]

Regarding honesty…even the Bible says “ Speak truth with love.”

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Lots of good stuff in that book.

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@DanielKoch-kw6fw]

Hey ❤️🌹

[@truthboomertruthbomber5125]

@ISi… What a GREAT saying!! Something to keep in the back of your mind when interacting with both loved ones and strangers.

[@projecttau145]

Also...People get tired of you two laughing??? Yeah, F*CK THAT. I think there's nothing more pleasing than unfettered laughter, especially when you get Joni to laugh hard.

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you for saying that!!! Every now and then - and JUST before we recorded this episode - we get a comment about “annoying laughter” - usually directed at me … (always makes me giggle 😂)

[@alexanderlapp5048]

@2ndActTV , When someone complains about your laughter, you laugh more. 😆👍

[@lmb4876]

It’s a “nervous” giggle,,,,

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Sorry not sorry, right? :D I can't help it! As a reformed Eyore, laughing is a gift. Though we do talk about serious matters, we choose to do it in a light hearted way. Thanks for your comment!!

[@Portia620]

Agreed!! Laughing is good for our health and research shows great for our mental health and relationships so they are clueless. Welcome to KZbin experts! 😂😂

[@edburrage6596]

I am a new subscriber and I love your conversation. I am in my 60's and it's great to hear your conversation. Thank you.

[@2ndActTV]

So glad you found us! Thanks for letting us know!🤗

[@Wildevis]

Great chat and I do like the distinction between dedication and commitment and absolutely yes, I would rather have someone dedicated to me and our relationship, than just commitment. EQ is very underrated and also something I find very sexy and of course a good sense of humour is essential. We had our Matric (Gr 12) reunion last weekend and one of the nicest thing someone said to me, is what they remember about me, is that I have such and infectious laugh. NOw that makes me all warm and fuzzy. Add a sharp wit and I am hooked. One of the things that really made me lose interest in my ex, is his lack of intellectual curiosity. I am also a bit of a book snob, if I walk into someone's home and there is not a book in sight, I am already a bit put off. I usually have more books than bookshelves lol.

[@abart2056]

All great points ladies! Thank you! I want to ask, When dating someone who demonstrates some of these shortcomings, do you bring it up for discussion even for yourself, if you're not sure you want to keep dating them? Their actions didn't match their words. I ask this because I think they may change their behavior only to become someone they're not in order to keep you around. On another note, I'm not sure about being able to imagine yourself in someone else's shoes. Genuine kindness is huge! 🥰

[@2ndActTV]

Great points! To clarify what I believe anyway, I agree that it's difficult - if not impossible - to actually be in someone's shoes. It's being able to empathize with their situation - or attempt to do so - and that could mean "not saying a thing" and just listening! It certainly does not mean giving unsolicited advice! And that's a good question about "bringing it up for discussion". Depending on the situation, probably not. That could likely be an attempt to "put yourself above the other person" by essentially criticizing or pointing out shortcomings. Again, it depends. It could be good for the other person to realize what they are - or are not - doing that is turning people away. However, it is likely to - in fact - turn them away. I think it's more of a "sign" for you that this may not be a match! Does that make sense?

[@ssiegreen5292]

If the actions don't mirror the words - go with what the actions tell you! Everything else is just a smokescreen - learned behavior + phrases telling you what you want to hear [as s/he sees it]. The actions show the person underneath all that extraneous stuff!

[@2ndActTV]

@@ssiegreen5292 totally agree!

[@abart2056]

@@2ndActTV Thank you! Yes it does make sense and I did decide that it wasn't a match. He would dance around my questions with no straight answer so I questioned his honesty and called it quits with no regrets. I've learned so much from you Silke and your great guests!

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@vixter28]

Omg ! I hate ppl that think they know everything & have to say it or brag ! Like they have to prove themselves! That’s such a Turn off !

[@ADSCoachSimonB2112]

Difficult one, what some one would say is a trait that is a catch worthy thing some one else would disagree with. The ability to be a good friend and listener as well as showing respect and their true self.

[@808OWSwimmer]

Humility vs prideful

[@Mellie726]

Great presentation!

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you, Mellie!😀

[@mypov4343]

These should not be rare traits! The one thing I constantly have to work on is being more kind than right! That's a challenge for me LOL

[@2ndActTV]

No, they should not be! And it's hard for me to believe that you have trouble being more kind than right!🙂

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Good reminder: being more kind, than right. Thanks!

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Brilliantly said.

[@flutistgeririzzo]

Yes! Also I resonated with "how much time do we have left..." and we must leave a legacy of kindness which is really just giving others respect. I just found you two and love this! And, oh, please, laugh on ❤!

[@Portia620]

Mine is honesty that is not too raw. I don’t senor it and it’s not that I’m a mean person just bad at editing before opening my mouth!

[@peterfrisch8373]

Yes, I like the " goofy" too.

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Peter!!

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Muah!

[@Portia620]

I’m laughing all the time. Lol

[@chuckmayper7549]

Nice review of emotional intelligence. My conclusion it's a buzzword for being a grownup or a new way to disqualify someone due to an "ick."

[@joedonlewis9820]

When I was growing up we didn't have EQ. It wasn't an available metric.

[@lckendel1079]

Same. I grew up in the era of “Get along or I’ll bang your heads together.”

[@2ndActTV]

You're right! It's fairly recent and most people don't know what it even means. Hi Joe!

[@projecttau145]

I absolutely love this, but I'm conflicted by Joni's comment about worthiness and that you don't have to prove: In the dating world, it's not sufficient to say "I am this" or "I do that", without backing it up. Is that not proving it, and don't we have to do so to our prospects? I feel proving it IS a must. Like I say I'm a good cook, or I love to read, or any number of qualities. I have to show for it, or else I'm all talk. I have to show I'm worthy, otherwise, I can't imagine what would separate me from anyone else who doesn't show for it. I expect the same of my prospects.

[@2ndActTV]

I briefly had the same thought when I was editing, and knowing Joni, I don’t think she meant exactly what came across - I’ll let her clarify! I know we both believe that we need to “walk the talk”, which is demonstrating (proving) who we are - that we are being authentic - if to no one else but ourselves! Thanks for your comment!

[@ssiegreen5292]

I'm with you on that - I'd like to see claims backed up as well. It goes back to the honesty and integrity of a person. Anybody can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk? All you need is an open computer or smartphone and access to google [or youtube, LOL] - and you can make it sound like you know what you're talking about. Doing the "show" that goes with the tell - is the proof in the pudding!

[@2ndActTV]

@@ssiegreen5292 Agree!!🙂

[@lckendel1079]

This made me think. There are things I loved and was good at that I haven’t done in a while. I don’t talk about them, but in my head they are still part of me. Midlife is a time when we are reevaluating who we are, whether the pieces still fit. Maybe we need to test it out again or make time for it before we can claim it as part of our identities. Time to sign up for dance classes again…

[@projecttau145]

@lckendel1079 I like this, and I agree. Funny you mention this, too, because it was a point of contention I had/have with my girlfriend, who's a single mother. She has said that I didn't understand that she can't have hobbies because of her parenting and all that. I told her, in turn, that she had a life before parenthood, that she doesn't have to have only ACTIVE hobbies. I've asked if she still has interests/passions/etc. that she could at least talk about....That simply talking about her job or parenting isn't going to sustain a relationship.

[@Man-In-The-Home-Stretch]

I need all of that, plus someone that looks as good as Silke. Unicorn? Yeah, probably....

[@2ndActTV]

I'll take that compliment! THANK YOU!😉

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@lindamac45]

I prefer desirable to a catch. Sounds like we're on the end of a fishing line with a man dangling bait.

[@2ndActTV]

Interesting you say that, Linda! I actually went back and forth between exactly that - desirable! Sometimes you have to go with "the catchy title" and SEO to get the views! I agree with your opinion!

[@lindamac45]

@@2ndActTV thank you for your response.

[@projecttau145]

I think that's a good, apropos analogy. And it's true. We are ALL baiting each other. It seems like typical animal behavior to me. And nothing wrong with that.

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@robertvarner9519]

They didn't tell me about these traits when I took a course in genetics decades ago. But then again we were only working with Drosophila.

[@2ndActTV]

Darn, now I have to “google” again 😂

[@robertvarner9519]

​@@woodliceworm4565Pseudoscience!

[@projecttau145]

HA! Fruit fly labs were fun, but these dating/relationship psychology things the few decades, I feel, helped merge teh two aspects together...biology and psychology/sociology.

[@janespitfire9884]

Hi can you give a list of questions men can ask that will melt a female? Or vice versa

[@stacyjaye6350]

Great catch = teeth and hygiene 😅

[@2ndActTV]

That doesn’t hurt! 😊

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@rosswardrop465]

I am on this site to warn men.To stay single.If you knew my story .You would be shocked.Ruined my life.25 years single now.Never bothered again.

[@michaelsix9684]

if you're 50 plus, I don't where you find people who have the time to interact with you, most people have kids, grandkids, work, social activities etc. they don't work at giving you a space in their lives

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@tonypietraroia1388]

Good luck

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks for watching!

[@rosswardrop465]

I was ripped off.You never get over that.I have not moved on .Married 5 weeks.I rather have my car.i have not moved on. Never dated another woman.Sorry i dont trust.Destoryed my life.

[@Dianalee8.]

Do u really need to lower yourself to say 4 letter words?

[@angieatvegas]

Are you worth if you are an alcoholic, a drug addict, a gambler, a sex addict, dishonest etc. at 60 plus ??????

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

NOPE Move along and save yourself from AVOIDABLE pain and possible real harm

[@michaelvalicek4461]

What are we talking about here things that make women a catch or make men a catch?

[@2ndActTV]

Things that make “anyone” a catch! Thanks for watching!

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@stephanie7572]

One weakness of Silke's shows is that she has women who are married or partnered talking down to and "advising" their still-single sisters--even Silke says she's living with her long-time boyfriend. Sandy Weiner seems to be the only actually currently single guest. And don't get me started on the obnoxious Treva. Even the male guests all seem to married or partnered.

[@saundrafarr113]

Personally I find that that is one of the main strengths of this channel. Her guests have been through the processes of dating at an older age and have found their significant other. Most seem very happy and it’s a blessing to learn from their wealth of experience. A win win for sure.

[@stephanie7572]

@@saundrafarr113 Okay that's another way to look at it. I just find a little bit of a "ha ha I've got mine" vibe from some.

[@lckendel1079]

I get that it can be hard to relate. But one advantage is they’ve been through it and may have some good advice. Maybe better to take directions from someone who knows the way. Also, I think Treva is awesome.

[@abart2056]

I think your looking at this from the wrong perspective. Silke and get guests are bringing us information to help us in an area where her persistent nature paid off! I'd rather listen to someone who's been there and succeeded vs watch videos from someone who's still single after 10 years of dating! She's also gone where no one has gone before in terms of what we were taught in the 70's vs the realities of today. Don't like it? Don't watch it! You get to choose! 🥰🥳

[@stephanie7572]

@@abart2056 I just have a gut feeling that persistent nature paying off in some of these cases means the single person seeking a partner had money, so duh, somebody jumped on their gravy train.

[@dorenehofmann1820]

I am so tired of trying to meet a sincere person as a widow Too hard it’s such a game I’m sincere and there is no one out there honest I tried dating On line was blackmailed nothing left That’s it

[@Portia620]

I hear you and spoke to a guy in shoe dept and he told me I’m too moral and to date a guy for money. I was sick and 🤢🤢. Still not sure about the person I’m Dating and not sure he really cares for me at all. The other guy is like walking on egg shells and have no tolerance for that as it’s exhausting and was married to that stuff! It’s sad so many very unhealthy people out there.

[@TimmyCramer]

Can they please bring back Wife School!!?? I'm damn hungry and my house is dirty. 😅

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

There's an app for that. It's 2024.

[@ssiegreen5292]

@@wyleecoyotee4252 🤣😂😜

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

​@@ssiegreen5292 Subway.

[@Laura-cx7jj]

Bless your poor subjugating heart ❤❤❤.

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

Surely, you've seen the ads for all these MEAL SERVICES that DELIVER. (Or do Door Dash for delivery of restaurant meals, as a treat) ).There are now HOUSEKEEPING SERVICES so taht someone can come in once or twice a week to clean your house. Soun ds like you DON'T need an actual PARTNER but, require SERVICES. In this modern world, they are available!!!

[@ronmance6715]

Great video... and love the new look Joni... very sexy 👍

[@martinsaunders7925]

"The total catch". That's not the problem. The right time and bait. Modern life has a problem with catch and release. This leads to more hook shy members of the dating pool.

[@2ndActTV]

That's a thought-provoking, interesting way to look at it! You're a really good illustrative writer!

[@martinsaunders7925]

@@2ndActTV it's a handshake between the left and right sides of the brain. The learning from the East,Japan,China,Thailand coupled with abstract analysis of the west. As Chinese/Japanese pictographs are read in sequence as cartoons are in the west,with much the same visual effect,so I write with words, cartoon images. It helps communication with people of different backgrounds. Cartoons are slowly developing in the U.S. as a consensus of written form among diverse immigrant languages. Macdonald cash registers are operated by keying visual images.

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@martinsaunders7925]

@@StevenCarell-dj1bk @illana4444 ?

[@dorenehofmann1820]

I listen to you all the time but you’re missing the point you are so many women in your 60s and 70s that are beautiful and still alive but extremely lonely there’s not a lot of men out there to chooseThese are intelligent and beautiful women that have nowhere to go extremely lonely do you want to talk about something talk about the extreme loneliness of being alone after having the love of your life 15:56

[@LorettaSchrader-f9q]

Many men Do Not like a lot of questions Especially if they do not have Good communication skills ! : ( : o !

[@jackdeniston6150]

you mean you are a deeply inadequate listener

[@donniedotzler7387]

At 65, dating women under 40. It's fun. Old ladies have the same traits but at least the younger ones are more fun and sexy.

[@ScarletPattieLayla]

Hey there

[@kathleensmith6311]

“Old ladies” wouldn’t want to bother with you anyway - your statement shows you’re shallow. By the way how wealthy are you? Women under 40 usually are physically attracted to men their own age. Unless the old f*rt has 💰💸💸💸 ……. Gold digging is a more common profession than you think.

[@rosswardrop465]

I not a fruiloop.I am a victim.i live a lonely life.I go out on my own.Thets no woman for me.All they want to is rip men off.Most men would agree with me.Thats why they stay single.

[@eddy2561]

My experience women want a guy who is tall, dark and handsome. If he ain't all these, then a short, paisley-white homely dude with a really large...hmm.....ah, don't tell me....bank account will do! lol

[@2ndActTV]

Oh Eddy, Eddy, Eddy ... I know you know "all women" aren't like that! If you get that vibe from a woman, pass her up fast!!

[@lckendel1079]

Blonds are good too. I don’t know about paisley…😊

[@rosswardrop465]

My advice.Stay single.

[@StevenCarell-dj1bk]

My therapist once asked me.. "What do you love about surfing?". I said..."it feels like I'm walking on water". That was a great moment in therapy. Can we be friends?

[@vixter28]

Why are you still on this site & commenting ! Wow !

[@LisaFenton-h7f]

WHY are you on this site? Such NEGATIVITY adds nothing to the discussion!

[@debwest7816]

You look like you have a white milk mustache. Is there highlighter on your upper lip ?? It is distracting.

[@BobSimmons-y6i]

A good catch is an tall rich guy that is willing to let the women control him

[@Laura-cx7jj]

You bet!!!😅😅😅

[@davemaurer7341]

These ole hens need to focus on the grandkids....not chading chads and riding the carousel.....

[@2ndActTV]

You definitely sound like a "total catch", Dave! Thanks for watching!

[@Laura-cx7jj]

The expression "Old Hens " seriously??? 😒 😒 😮 "

[@anniealexander9616]

I want a man who is fun. Someone who likes to do things. So many want to watch movies at home and drink wine. Men should be responsible for their finances. Last weekend, I met a man for dinner. He got their first. He was standing beside a truck and I assumed it was his. During dinner, I told him my exhusband has refinanced his home and bought 4 Harley Davidson motorcycles and trying to come home for me to pay for them. The guy had drove his motorcycle to the restaurant! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 He is living with his mom but buying toys. 🫣 He is paying child support for two kids, plus alimony. I want to travel, try new restaurants, go to events. I only want to pay half. I want a partner....an equal....not someone I have to carry.

[@alexanderlapp5048]

I was sentenced to pay spousal support for life at age 37. That's one of my red flags.

[@anniealexander9616]

@@alexanderlapp5048 Can I ask how she managed that? Are you still paying? I raised my 2 oldest children with $0 child support. I got $436 a month for my youngest daughter. My exhusband didn't even help me buy her car. He barely spoke to her after graduation in fear she might ask him for something like gas money.

[@alexanderlapp5048]

​@anniealexander9616 , The judge rubber stamped everything her lawyer put on the paper. Yes, I am still paying. However inflation makes it less painful. 14 years ago my divorce was final. I only have 1 child left for child support. That ends in June of next year.

[@anniealexander9616]

@@alexanderlapp5048 I think you should take it back to court. 14 years is crazy. I was stay at home when my youngest was small but I went back to work when she was older. If your child graduates next year, the child is plenty old enough for mom to be working.

[@alexanderlapp5048]

If I die, or she dies it ends. I worked a lot of crazy hours, sometimes two jobs while I was married to pay for everything. I would have loved to have been with someone who was more of an equal.