Dating Trend: The Next Girl Becomes the Wife

[@ceruleansinee6775]

Taking accountability for staying in a relationship for way longer than I should’ve hurt me more than him leaving and finding someone else. I realized how little I valued my time and loyalty. Although I wish I would’ve understood this sooner I’m grateful for the lesson.

[@mb8219]

I felt your comment... this is me too 🙈🙊😭

[@gabrielbaker2667]

Yuppp just went through this

[@BruceLeon83]

Same boat. 💯

[@saikiran9159]

The real question is Why did he/she left you. But it all boils down to one point If he/she left you without even trying, then they're never meant for you. Find the reason to know the truth rather than self accountability for the things you haven't done. Hope you find it and find peace in your life.

[@TheGeekSheek]

If a man doesn’t marry you after 3 years , the women is the problem plain and simple , assuming he is ready to settle down of course.

[@chrisgualtieri]

I’m a guy and was HUGELY selective in who I dated. I found a girl who checked every box, dated her and got engaged. We both understood that divorce was not an option, so we HAD to get it right the first time. That was over 21 years ago and we are still married today.

[@alex47_in_downtown18]

@@CaptainDarrick yaa me too

[@throbbinwoodofcoxley6830]

@@CaptainDarrick I can’t answer for Chris, but my story is quite similar. I’ll tell you this first, I considered myself the commodity, not the women. I looked for and found the hottest, most chill, least annoying woman I could find.

[@NathanaelNaused]

What boxes did you have?

[@chrisgualtieri]

1. Christian 2. Pretty 3. Kind to strangers 4. Listened to her parents 5. Played an instrument 6. Had a good singing voice 7. Helped people without expecting anything in return 8. Wanted children 9. Agreed that marriage was permanent 10. Our love for each other meant forsaking all others Those were my 10 boxes.

[@stadot1427]

​@@chrisgualtieri Before you get hate for that, sounds like a pretty solid list with a lot of promise. Did she miss on any of the boxes or check every one?

[@magilicuddy1827]

#1 piece of advice for single woman, if a man tells you something BELIEVE HIM. If he says he doesn't believe in marriage, don't stick around thinking you'll change his mind by showing him how great of a wife you would be. The only thing you're communicating to him by staying is that you're willing to be unmarried. Believe what they say and be willing to walk away. And get involved in groups or activities where you can meet new people.

[@goodfornothings]

So true

[@donzkyyy]

absolutely agree..

[@MarkyThompson-m3r]

many of them lie though, that's the thing. What kind of women would stick around after hearing they don't want to get married or have kids?

[@bravo4adventure988]

I agree. Additionally, this is information you can find out on the very first date. "What are your thoughts on marriage?" Simple, direct, obvious. Even a man like myself who experienced 22 years of poverty and hardship after divorce isn't going to be bothered by this question. In fact it could lead to some interesting conversation about how I can do a serious long term (like, forever) relationship to include co-habitation even though I'm not terribly interested in getting the government involved by way of a contract that if said union goes south I'm certain to get financially destroyed without a rock solid pre-nup. Oh, and the wife is financially INCENTIVIZED to break said contract. Years ago I learned the importance only entering into arrangements that benefit both parties (WIN/WIN) or simply walking away (NO DEAL). Any arrangement in which one party benefits at the expense of the other party (WIN/LOSE) in unethical or immoral, if not both.

[@fatimah230]

@@MarkyThompson-m3r people do think they can change other’s minds sometimes. They end up wasting so much of their lives…

[@justindangersmith]

I had a roommate that said he would know in 30 days if he was going to marry that girl. He always had girlfriends that lasted 15-20 days, but then they weren't for him. I got married, moved out, and ran into him about a year later. He told me he was dating a girl for 35 days. I asked him if she was the one, and he said yes. He got married to her, had 5 kids, and is going strong. BOOM!

[@TatjanaGnjidic]

Exactly it can be that fast I never understood people who need years just to break up

[@justindangersmith]

@@TatjanaGnjidic they are scared of the unknown or comfort/complacent in their current situation

[@ilikepancakes2368]

@@TatjanaGnjidic That’s because you need time to get to know someone truly. Knowing someone during the first month is just delusional which is why I was surprised that OP’s friend took that leap. You can call it brave but I call it foolishness. I hope he’s lucky that he attached himself to a true loyal woman and not a narcissist who’s just putting on an act.

[@Najneen99]

Seems like most men are shite

[@grantstratton2239]

Pretty similar experience here. I think within 3-4 months I knew whether a girl was "just fun" or "the one" and I wasn't just looking for fun.

[@victoriagoldnfoundvictoria9289]

This is why my grandma said "Never be in a relationship longer than 1 year. If it's longer than a year and you both don't know you are the one, break up". People are not dating with the intention of marriage, this is the first problem.

[@sittowardi6781]

Do you think the standards talked about in this convo applies to 45+ year old divorcees with respective adult kids? I’m trying to decide if getting married again even matters without the intention to start a family together, or if a commitment of staying together without the legalities and the piece of paper is enough.

[@supernotnatural]

Pointless. Ricky Gervais and his partner are partners like 40+ and never married nor they have intention to. Marriage makes sense people who is religious like your grandma because you marry in front of eyes of God. Not in front of Goverment. Comedian Mark Normand, married. Not legaly but cerenomically for God. That makes more sense. I'm a religious guy, muslim and we have people in our country that marry legally and also marry in front of Imam in front of eyes of God. In Islam, you say "divorce" 3 times to get divorced from your wife. Yeah do that and tell judge that you are divorced now lol.

[@prolifegenzgal]

​@@sittowardi6781If you intend to stay together then you should get married. You can provide a lot better support and be a better blessing to those around you and your adult children if you're married than if you're a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.

[@CitsVariants]

pretty much. These girls just coping. Dudes just like women look for best genes and a mother who would carry their offspring. Women seem to care a lot about face but it's a sum of everything. If dude says he doesnt want children, it means he doesnt want children with you lol. Other people say you need 6 months to know. that's cap. We could look at online profile pic and know right away if there's potential. got nothing to do with being a wife material.

[@CitsVariants]

men look for best genes that would carry their offspring. You dont need 30 days to know, but first impression. Funny thing from experience - wife material girls would have multiple people wanting to marry them. So these tiktok girls coping means there's something wrong with them.

[@Orangeyoshis]

I was “The Next Girl” for my husband of 3 years now. We have talked about why he never married any other woman he dated and he said that I was the only woman who actually acted like I cared about him instead of caring about what I could get from him.

[@davidward9487]

THIS COMMENT IS SERIOUSLY UNDERRATED! Bless you both!

[@vetr17384]

Same thing for me. We're getting married in September after just 8 months of relationship. We were both mature, were able to care for eachother and knew what exactly we were looking for

[@lauramorgan27]

tbh your husband was probably not the nicest to those other women. they were likely just fine. if someone says "all my exes were crazy, gold diggers, etc." that's a red flag. sounds like your husband was the problem. good luck.

[@jbshbsskskhbs6713]

@@lauramorgan27 Don't have to be bitter lol, I'm pretty sure she knows her husband better than you. "Be kind" shouldn't be that controversial.

[@soulserenade.kcn1992]

@Laura M. Who hurt you

[@genevievetaylor]

My mom once told me that in young relationships, people tend to get into immature habits that aren’t going to change as long as they’re with that person. So when it comes time that you start dating someone new, you’re more aware of what needs to be done differently, which results in a healthier relationship that’s inevitably more likely to lead towards marriage.

[@shanekeenaNYC]

It doesn't matter what work you put in, how much passion or free will you have. You gotta have the stones.

[@SRose-vp6ew]

The issue is you don’t need to date and be in a bad exual fake romantic relationship in order to realize there’s things you need to work on and make a choice to work on them when you do marry. Hormonal young men are not looking for wives, women should probably stop acting like they’re in a committed relationship until the guy actually commits. That would solve most problems. It’s just a fact that fewer than 1% of people that marry as virgins ever get a divorce. They prove they are looking for commitment and willing to commit.

[@randycliff4045]

I believe couples should be married in their 20s and grandparents in their 40s. That doesn't mean you accept blindly the affections of just anyone. It's perfectly fine to "date" with older couples; hopefully this might be your parents, but that relationship is not what you want, then find one or two couples with a marriage that impresses you and try to learn what they did to get there. Remember a long-term relationship is called marriage, so don't waste your own time, and try not to waste the guy's time either.

[@davidz3879]

Millions of people never marry or want to.

[@heroldjaras9909]

actually virgins have the lowest divorce rate. so being a virgin should make someone more ready for a marriage, doesnt it?

[@Aetriex]

I knew that my husband was my husband after about two weeks of dating, he said the same one day after about a month, something like "I hope you understand that I am very serious, that I see a future with you one day, do you know what that means?" And I responded "You mean, like marriage?" And he replied "Yes, if you can just wait a few years." And I proceeded to never bring up engagement or marriage for the next three years, because he told me in the beginning what his intentions were, and he established the timeline early, and above all, I believed him. He proposed to me after three years, we got married six months after that, and we've been happily married for three years, now trying for children. When you know, you really do know. Accepting it brings a lot of peace to your life.

[@phoenixfeatherr]

I’m happy that that worked out for you. Other times the guy will make the same statements about wanting to get married and waiting and then drop you after 5 years for… interesting reasons (sad excuses). Speaking from experience 🙃

[@RisingUnderdog]

​@phoenixfeatherr what'd you do that made him wanna break up with you?

[@shirin8609]

​@@phoenixfeatherr What?! What happened? 😮😮😮

[@shirin8609]

That's beautiful. I hope you have many wonderful years together and a veritable menagerie of children ❤

[@oopsie3552]

Oh god Please stop to put your expérience as exemple Boring people Même acabit que ceux qui croit au destin Tu fais pitié

[@klp3309]

When I was single, I had a two year rule. I refused to date anyone for longer than two years without a commitment to marriage. Two years is plenty of time to get to know a person well enough to make a decision on marriage. I hear about these relationships that drug on for years and eventually fall apart. They probably should’ve ended years earlier and both parties were just going through the motions, wasting both their time.

[@angrybunnies9664]

Yes! And engagements should be only 6months to a year. I don't understand these 5 year engagements. If you want to marry someone, then get married!

[@michealnelsonauthor]

I was the same way, but 3 year's. I asked my last gf to marry me at 3 years. Then she relaxed and changed her behavior in dramatic ways… we didn't see 4 years together. Now I'm married 3 years… hmmm.

[@LittleMew133]

I know a girl who just wants marriage, doesn't really matter to who as long as they would marry her. I'm convinced she is a terrible spouse and mother.

[@michealnelsonauthor]

@@LittleMew133 yes, there are some who view marriage as a parasitic support scheme for a woman to get perpetual support from any Man whom she screams for independence from, via the gimmick of “help raising her kids”, after putting their father out of the home.

[@jaden_skywalker]

@@JesusisyourLORD You should take time to learn about them, and that usually takes more than 3 months. But starting to discuss marriage around 3 months into the relationship is necessary. And also make sure your intentions are up front from the beginning.

[@Vanessa_Willis]

After dating for 2 months, I asked my then boyfriend if he would ever get married. It freaked him out lol but I told him I didn’t want to waste my time and I wanted to be with someone who wanted marriage, not necessarily with me but with the right woman. He proposed one year later and we’ve been married for seven years now. So, yes I agree that setting standards in the beginning is super important!

[@cl8wnm5n]

There you go

[@pinksmoke25123]

Yup same for me , I told my husband pretty early in dating that I was trying to figure out if he was my future husband so if he wasn’t trying to see if I was his future wife we shouldn’t waste each others time basically. We got married after about 2 years together I wouldn’t have stuck around for longer without even getting engaged. I feel like in a couple years if they aren’t worth marrying you know that already no reason stringing someone along.

[@pinksmoke25123]

Yup same for me , I told my husband pretty early in dating that I was trying to figure out if he was my future husband so if he wasn’t trying to see if I was his future wife we shouldn’t waste each others time basically. We got married after about 2 years together I wouldn’t have stuck around for longer without even getting engaged. I feel like in a couple years if they aren’t worth marrying you know that already no reason stringing someone along.

[@TotallyxKatiee]

It is. I had similar expectations with my now husband. At one year he still wasn’t ready to propose and I was going to walk. I told him if he wasn’t ready, I was going to move on and he proposed two days later. Women just let this go on. Men don’t wanna buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.

[@vociferonheraldofthewinter2284]

THIS. Notice how she brought it up in conversation. She didn't say, "Just know I want to be married. If you don't propose by X date, I'm out. The clock is ticking, buster." Smart girl! lol

[@Ella_Vande]

I was the first girl my husband ever dated, kissed, did anything with. We both went into it with similar values, with marriage as the goal, wanting children, and waiting to have sex until marriage. We met and started dating when I was 19. We got married when I was 21. We’re now 11 years married, 13 years together, 3 kids in. We’ve built a beautiful life together , and all because of healthy boundaries and an unwillingness to waste our time. Can’t recommend this highly enough.

[@обойдусьбеззагонов]

You're living my dream, such a flex to be with someone who never dated anyone before you. I don't care what others say, there is nothing more beautiful than being the first ones for each other

[@jrobs1133]

He lied to you. You're welcome.

[@ZIANNmusic]

Aww am happy for you

[@user-dy1vf7lu3i]

@@jrobs1133 You can’t know

[@jrobs1133]

@@user-dy1vf7lu3i yeah, I can. I’m a man.

[@waynerose4686]

I married the woman I did because when I was around her, it was her qualities (who she was and wanted to be) that inspired and motivated me to be a better man. That was 39 years ago. I continue to be honored and humbled that she chose me too.

[@ironictea]

That's so sweet ❤

[@Ribbitplease]

Very sweet! How did she inspire you?

[@saladfingers.]

That's lovely

[@leandra41]

I love this

[@entenfrucht1083]

My man, you are winning in life 🤝🏻🙏🏻

[@emmanuelkoala3297]

"Value yourself enough to walk away" ❤

[@mztwixed]

Value yourself enough to not get DEFILED in the first place.

[@a.m.4201]

Also let’s take a moment to remember that you cannot date POTENTIAL. Don’t go into a relationship thinking that you can “change” that person - set the standards, if they don’t meet them, move on.

[@jimluebke3869]

If you follow this strategy, be prepared to marry a man who is older than you, possibly significantly older. And remember, men DO marry potential to have kids, so find that guy soon -- 30 is pushing the limit, and at 35, you're likely out of luck.

[@vociferonheraldofthewinter2284]

You are correct. Just yesterday I'd seen the red flags of another couple's situation that illustrates the 'potential' problem. There are patterns and this one never plays out well. A young couple has just started dating. The young man isn't in a position to have a wife and family and probably never will be. The girl has gone in HARD. She's infatuated and would accept a ring today if he proposed. (That's never a good sign by itself) Women find a wonderful man who's 90% perfect. They fall in love with the 90% and dismiss the 10% that's lacking. The problem is that the 10% is important - like him not having a decent job and never intending to get a good job. Artists and musicians are prime candidates for this little passion play. The guy fall in love with her acceptance of him. He shares everything with this girl and she's 100% kind and understanding. He trusts her and decides to jump the broom. After the wedding, life begins to intrude. Kids up the pressure a LOT. (This particular female is talking about having his babies already.) Suddenly the female is living in a state of fear because the bills aren't getting paid. If she's working, she's now barely keeping her head above the waterline and she knows she's not being the best mom she should be. She begins to pressure him to step up to his financial responsibilities. He doesn't. She gets more scared and, in that state of fear; first she cries, then she starts to resent him, then holds him in contempt, then she gets mean. Ultimately she walks and she hates him forever for leaving her to raise their kid on her own. The guy is completely taken off guard. He's exactly the same person that she loved. From his perspective she either changed or 'she finally showed her true colors.' The problem was, she married the 90% and assumed the missing 10% would automatically fill itself in later. "Surely after he holds his firstborn in his arms, he'll man-up and be as responsible as he should be and get a good job." Nope. That doesn't happen. That NEVER happens. EVER. I've seen this scenario play out a hundred times. It's probably the most common trap out there and women fall into it all the time. Sadly, no amount of sense will stop them. These females are like a dog with a bone and they will NOT let go.

[@jimluebke3869]

@@vociferonheraldofthewinter2284 You should probably expand your circle of friends outside just "musician" types. Although I've seen this drama play out at levels well above subsistence. The guy looks at his six-figure, 12-hour-shifts-plus-weekends job, looks at the amount of time he actually gets to spend with his wife (who he married because he loved being with her) and their kids, and when that job opportunity dries up he decides he's happy to settle into a (mostly) 9-to-5 with the high-five-figure income. From the example of his parents, he sees that with careful budgeting, things will be fine. But she doesn't want to budget. She wants to throw money around. She just wants to be RICH, and if he's not going to be the means to that end, she'll do it herself. She gets the 100-hour-a-week job (well, a 40-50 hour a week job, but the only way she can actually get it right is to redo things over and over again), and their spending time as a family becomes as rare as it was when he was working the backbreaking schedule. She resents any rational imposition on (or indeed, any investigation into) her spending habits, and resents him "holding her back" (although after the divorce her career trajectory flames out and she goes back to the kind of job she had years prior to the divorce). He thinks she's crazy and irresponsible for absolutely refusing to be careful with money, resents the idea that he's apparently "just an ATM and a sperm donor", and is deeply confused and hurt by the idea that now spending time as a family is at "maybe we'll get to it sometime this year" on her priority list. Honestly, we would all be better off if women were just more content with what they got. It's when they push for more (without being willing to sacrifice anything of their own, like the company of a cat that pi**es on the kitchen table if you let it inside) that things that could work (had worked, for years), start to unravel.

[@lkdsgfhdfhgg]

This is honestly facts. Sooo many of my girl friends struggle with this and it's infuriating to me because ultimately it's their own fault. I love them but sis, get a grip and call the shots of your own life.

[@ydid687]

@Chris apt proclamation

[@scubasteve2189]

Two big reasons: 1. Breaking up with someone comes with a lot of clarity. You are hyper-aware of what you DON’T want, so it’s easier to find someone who is what you do want. 2. Some people after a breakup are trying to “catch up” or make up for lost time. So they rush the next relationship because they feel like the break up wasted a bunch of their time and they need to catch up. Bad idea. 🙄

[@atrejo389]

False - Trump

[@magathzen524]

@@atrejo389 FINWIFNWwgndvx - Biden

[@Tariphilip]

This comment was too good for 666 likes. 😅

[@CitsVariants]

wife material means best genes you can get to carry your babies.

[@Mishellacqua]

As a live wedding painter, a lot of couples I've seen were either high school sweethearts or together for several years. I was in a 4 year relationship that I realised was never going anywhere, and I was done wasting my time. So I told myself the next guy I dated would be the man I marry, which made me way more selective and changed how I put myself out there. When I met my partner, we already discussed what we wanted and whether we were compatible. This is a common thing.

[@rrteppo]

Men tend to be easily satisfied. Let's take fishing for example, you spend a bunch of money to sit on a boat in the middle of nowhere not catching anything at all for hours. Just because it's pretty outside and you get to talk with your buddy a bit.

[@guillermoaguirret]

I was for 13 years together with my girlfriend. I ended things. There’s not a day that goes by where i dont regret my decision.

[@taylorc2542]

Quite simply, you have to lock down men when they are in the oxcytocin phase of the relationship.

[@benspragge33]

I could be wrong, but guys are like microwaves and girls are like slow cookers. If they are both looking for marriage, the guy will usually fall in love and commit to the girl quickly and be happy, where as the girl tests the relationship through subconscious actions and ultimately decides yes or no over a period of months or longer. The first date I knew I wanted to marry my now wife. It took her a while. But this process is important because a woman has a much more intricate and important roll in balancing and managing family relationships and knows intuitively if something won't work.

[@ilikepancakes2368]

⁠​⁠​⁠@@rrteppo Except as a man, I find fishing to be boring. But it’s true we are easily satisfied.

[@mightywind5888]

I've heard many women say they felt like they "wasted those years" with a person. If you're not learning about who you are and what you want during that time, then yes, you wasted your time. If you didn't realize that the person you're with doesn't meet your needs or you're not willing to acknowledge they're not the right person for you because you're scared of being alone, then yes YOU wasted your time with them. And you'll waste even more time with the next person learning the things you should have learned in the previous relationship.

[@christinabrown6442]

I decided to stop dating because I was getting nowhere with men, but then my husband came into my life when I least expected to meet someone. He proposed after 4 months of dating and we were married 2 months after that. Everyone thought we were crazy, but when you know you know. 13 years later we have built a beautiful life together with 2 beautiful children and I can’t see living my life and growing old with anyone else! ❤🙏🏼❤️

[@eddymakoyo]

Wow can I come in between?

[@vivianamullin2743]

So, true. When you know, you know ❤

[@NedWasHere94]

I definitely wasn’t “financially ready” when my wife and I got engaged. I didn’t “marry the one that was in front of me when I was ready”, I got myself to the point where I was ready because the one that was in front of me was the one.

[@chaoswitch1974]

That's sweet.

[@TheEarthRealm]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@haroldharold9042]

That’s how it should be!

[@AM-ut7dg]

Respect. Gentlemen, take notes!

[@Whiteboard7]

That’s deep

[@noNameAccount0]

As a guy coming out of a 4 year relationship, i assure you that when i'm picking a partner i'm WAY more selective. I learned about the things i want in a partner (and the things i dont want), so when i'm dating someone and i see they have all these things then i'm going to put a ring on their finger fairly soon. The "next girl" isn't just the girl that happens to be in front of me, it's the girl that i choose after years of relationship experience. The "next gir" is the "next girl" for a reason. Not just chance.

[@miche6563]

this. i wonder if its on the list. you learn from mistakes, if youve been with someone for years, hyou might be a ot less willing to waste so much time on the wrong person, you will be more selective, perhaps break up quicker or marry up. even with shorter relationships this is surely common behaviour if someone actually wants a relationship they will learn from the pros and cons of each prior one.

[@jimluebke3869]

Yes. Absolutely this.

[@wheelie642]

Some guys are with girls for a long time and will wait until the girl breaks it off because if he tries to break it off first she goes batshit crazy. So he waits, and he waits, and he waits.

[@KirisutonoNeko]

There’s something I don’t understand about this scenario, though. Why date exclusively in such a case? Why not get to know each other and learn about what one wants in a partner by “being friends” and “dating around”? It seems to me the exclusivity of it creates the wasted time-which is way more important for women due to the biological clock. Note dating around =/= sleeping around.

[@shayalynn]

This makes a lot of sense actually.

[@thecalmingspace7242]

Most people are placeholders or in placeholding relationships before they meet the " one". The trick is to recognise it before it goes on for too long.

[@danielasalazar5289]

“Why would you want to be with somebody who couldn’t decide if you were the one?” Truer words have never been said…🙌

[@bm5_5_5]

I loved hearing that it was needed!

[@sittowardi6781]

Do you think the standards talked about in this convo applies to 45+ year old divorcees with respective adult kids? I’m trying to decide if getting married again even matters without the intention to start a family together, or if a commitment of staying together without the legalities and the piece of paper is enough.

[@danielasalazar5289]

@@sittowardi6781 I think getting married should be something you’re both sure of, but there can be many reasons why you could decide it’s the best option for you other than just love.

[@rubiesofgold7698]

The generation of women I grew up around had a few rules: don’t pursue a man ever/always let him call first, don’t sleep with a man until marriage but if you do, wait for marriage to live with him, let a man pay for all dates but pick up the bill occasionally, if you have to guess constantly about whether he cares for you, he probably doesn’t. Most important rule- - A man who wants to marry you will reveal that in about a year.

[@selen5487]

Wow thank you o screenshot that ❤

[@SeanMendicino-n3d]

LMAO, not now, now it's like Chad, Chad, Chad bro.

[@selen5487]

@@SeanMendicino-n3d good for Chad

[@martinacarissa]

I screenshot this!!!!😂❤

[@katemiller7874]

Exactly.

[@draft6251]

Ladies, if the man you're with doesn't want to marry you within 6months to 3 years, walk away. He doesn't want you

[@Gennamel2]

My husband says this too, 6 month time limit. He knew he wanted to marry me after 2 weeks. 🙂

[@sajidvelez24]

A man knows from 6 to 12 months. I knew at month 2

[@brianclark4040]

Agreed….women have a limited window for optimum fertility…if there are doubts move on

[@blakedjameson]

Yup, I told my wife before we even started dating that if we aren't engaged after 6 months, we're getting engaged that day or breaking up.

[@thespianmask]

It took my 7 years before I proposed, but I told my now-fiancee that my intentions were marriage. The reason why it took 7 years was purely financial. Because of the pandemic, it made it risky to leave my work for a higher paying one, so I was stuck there for a little longer than planned (for context, the lockdown where I was at started Feb 2020, and only started lightening up mid-2022), then at my new job, I was able to muster enough money within a single year of work to propose to her. I knew she was the one because we've known each other since 2012, and never chose to look for anyone else. Local culture is just very, very strict about relationships, and very much different from how it is in the Western world, so we take things much slower (7 years is still pretty slow here though lmao).

[@MadRedCarnelian]

There are a few reasons this happens: 1. The new girl fulfills the key aspects of the relationship that were the dealbreakers of the last relationship. (A long relationship can make it painfully obvious what is missing, and you found those things in the new girl.)! 2. You messed up and lost a good girl with the previous girl, and don't want to make that mistake again. 3. You can finally provide properly for the woman you love, and dont want to waste more time. 4. You got older a realised you want marriage/a family where before you thought you never would. 5. You have a connection on a different level with the new girl.

[@SeanMendicino-n3d]

Pretty sure it was the whole ten years younger thing

[@random_person_on_internet]

​@@SeanMendicino-n3d exactly 😂 It's the novelty that attracts The next girl is always younger and prettier than the previous one

[@BelieveInJMH]

@@random_person_on_internet That's pretty shallow to say, honestly. Men have earned more of a proper evaluation than that and you know it.

[@random_person_on_internet]

@@BelieveInJMH nope Beauty and youth attract men and that is the truth No matter how much compatible the man was with the previous girl or how good of a person she was if she is old, the man meets a new young one and the younger girl also shows interest in him the game is over😂 Previous older one stands no chance

[@BelieveInJMH]

@@random_person_on_internet Ok, you're entitled to your opinion I suppose. I agree on beauty, not sure on age necessarily. I know there are guys out there that more often than not date younger women, but then there are those that date more closely or even date an older woman (did you forget about that subset of men?). All I was saying was, men are not that shallow and there's way more going on than meets the eye.

[@countryroadcat6965]

When the right one comes along, you just know. Dating my spouse made me realize that the natural next step was marriage. Other people I dated before that never gave me that feeling.

[@cestlaguy]

It sucks when you feel like you’ve found the right one, but they don’t feel that about you

[@hnorth5205]

Yeah i think women are projecting the classic stereotype of a woman hitting "the wall" at 30 and then settling for whoever theyre with

[@7arb-f-15]

@@cestlaguywell it sucks but thats life… the decision of marriage and long term commitment only comes from the man.

[@cestlaguy]

@@7arb-f-15 🥲🥲🥲

[@7arb-f-15]

@@cestlaguy you shouldn’t worry about it tho. If you are truly wifey material eventually a man will propose to you.

[@elizabethdorton3467]

I think that being in a serious, long-term relationship gives you a LOT of experience to know what you’re looking for (and what you’re not). I also think celebs are outliers and shouldn’t really be used as a barometer for people in general 🤷‍♀️

[@lurkingllama8364]

Celebrities should not really be used as a barometer for anything I think.

[@houseofhas9355]

Celebrity love is fake. It's business deal for power couple career improvement. Also men are different as they age. Why do women not understand this? Does it have to be explain in feeling based way? And a man can tell when a woman wants a party rather than a marriage. MAJOIRTY of modern american women want a wedding rather a marriage. They are not ready but want to be married.

[@panda22518]

​@@lurkingllama8364lol right

[@ParmEnides-d1t]

Yeah they got a perfect contrast of what they didn't want. Also if one person wants to get married but the other doesn't, it might be because one of those people is a good partner and the other isn't? So the person that is a good partner goes and finds another good partner BAM married. The other does not because they were never a good partner.

[@shirin8609]

​@@ParmEnides-d1t What makes you think Selena was not a good partner? I heard that there were allegations of physical abuse and cheating perpetrated by her boyfriend, but I am unsure if these claims have been corroborated. I do not think it is as simple as 'good' and 'bad' people (though I do admit it is possible).

[@maylynbayani]

I am the next girl for my husband. I was his first and last girlfriend but before me, he was on and off going out with a girl for 3 to 4 years(?)but their arrangement was a wee bit confusing. They had a mutual understanding, but he never introduced her as a girlfriend to his parents. She was his first love, though. When we first started dating and he said he wanted to hang out as friends, but he did say he is interested in me romantically. I said no thanks. I explicitly told him that we can just see each other in group events, but I would rather purposely date someone else. I am not going for that grey area. Within two weeks, he asked my parents, his parents and our pastor their permission to officially court me. I agree with Brett here. As women, you get treated with what you allow. There is nothing wrong with being straight forward 😅

[@florencembah2626]

Wow you did good. You respected yourself & earned his respect in the process

[@nu_row_sigh]

My dad always said life is 90% timing. You could meet someone you’re totally compatible with and it’s just not the right time, and such is life.

[@EdoardoGioia-qb9vd]

i swear for a moment i thought i was about to get rickrolled@attraktive

[@Deleteduser101]

💯

[@kv2723]

Sad but true.

[@aeptacon]

thanks for giving me hope lol

[@foreveryoursunconditionally]

I agree, because I met but timing was wrong.

[@makisekuristina8192]

I think the worst thing about the trend is the idea of “The one.” Soul mates don’t exist. The one is the one you choose. Love is always a choice.

[@MiaogisTeas]

Daily

[@Michganfanatic]

Exactly

[@joannasowinska6789]

So true!

[@jmanswat2457]

2nd

[@Grace-bd2rw]

Personally I think soulmates do exist, because I’ve experienced it. It’s okay if others don’t agree! But you still have to actively choose them and put work into it every day, it doesn’t just automatically work out.

[@tradingsystemsgroup5312]

I did this. Was left alone at the alter, she never showed. Was devastated. Married the next girl who talked to me and married her after knowing her for only 4 months. Best decision of my life, 18 years still married, 3 kids.

[@aladdout9454]

omgg you're Ted Mosby

[@Psychiatricnerd]

Wow I’m glad you found the love of your life albeit unconventionally.

[@AnnaCarelovedge]

Also a very important point: Many people have troubles with being alone, therefore they get into a relationship to be withsomeone --- already knowing that this is only temporary until they meet someone who really means a lot to them. Happened to friends of mine - male and female. It's very common!

[@aprilmcgavren9360]

My husband proposed after 5 months because he said he "didn't want to loose me" as he knew I wanted to settle down and start a family. Men treat you the way you allow them to. 19 years and 2 kids later, still together.

[@leahhart3585]

Word!

[@dacripe]

Same for me. I proposed to my wife at 6 months and we've been married for 16 years with 2 kids.

[@rudys.5503]

Congratulations however dating and marrige is so fuck up now that i don't want to get married.

[@yomanyomandx5609]

​@@rudys.5503 📠

[@Gothixarchitecture]

@@CaptainDarrick please look past it spell check warrior

[@gabbygirl9600]

There isn’t a “one,” it’s all about commitment. You either choose to love someone, or you don’t. And you either commit, or you don’t. We’re way over complicating this Also, for the record: this is from both partners choosing to put their spouse first, and sometimes that’s hard. But it is possible. Choosing to love someone else is not putting yourself first. And this is very counter cultural, so it’s obvious there’s going to be backlash from people not wanting to do that. It’s not what most have been raised on.

[@michellesoria5110]

Honestly I disagree. When I met my bf, we both just felt like we wanted each other. I would not commit to anyone but being around him just made me feel like I’d do anything for him and he said he felt the same way towards me. “The one” is the reason you commit, and if they are not the one you simply don’t care enough to commit it just doesn’t feel right.

[@megawolfr1986]

This right here. There isn't 'the one' there is someone you are really compatible with and then you both put in the work

[@infinityslibrarian5969]

Being into someone isn't a state of mind you can will yourself into

[@gabbygirl9600]

@@infinityslibrarian5969 I’m not saying attraction isn’t part of it. But in marriage there are times where you’re going to be extremely frustrated and the attraction isn’t going to be there. Loving someone isn’t just about a feeling that you have. It’s a choice you have to make to put someone before yourself sometimes. I think we’ve lost that idea over the years, and commitment isn’t there like it used to be, which is why the divorce rate is so high in our country. It takes commitment from BOTH partners to continue to choose the other person. The whole “I have a single person out there and I might miss them and marry the wrong person,” is total garbage. That idea originated from a Greco Roman myth, it’s not realistic. I’m not saying I’m cases of cheating or abuse that you have to stay there, that’s not what I’m promoting. But when both people really choose over and over everyday to put their spouse first, it’ll work. That’s what real love is. And everyone is flawed, so it won’t be easy sometimes.

[@mikeoxlong3676]

But I can't meet women like that. Most of them just want men with money.

[@sonoftanavast1197]

I have experienced this firsthand. I (22m) was engaged to my last girlfriend (20f) because I insisted that we get married and eventually she relented. But, she delayed our wedding, and eventually broke off the engagement. The entire time I thought I was being the bigger person by sticking around no matter what she did. The words in that article are harsh, but true. I didn’t value myself enough to tell her no, and eventually the result was me getting hurt while she moved on and got engaged to another man.

[@dakotaelliott1726]

As a fellow 22 year old in a similar boat, I get it and we're better for it my friend.

[@Matrix_glitch11]

A friend explained commitment like this… “ let’s say you have 100 years on earth. Every year you spend w someone is 1% of your life. Be mindful who you give those % to. Is that person you’re with worth 1%, 2%, 3%, etc? If they are then just commit & get married. If not keep it pushing.”

[@levii6126]

I guess I'm the "Next Girl" because my boyfriend wanted a committed relationship, so did I, we were both in long term relationships that we thought was "the one" and got cheated on. We talked about our intentions of finding a long term partner, to be married and have kids, on the first date. The problem is that these people weren't with someone who had enough of these discussions with them, if they were both serious they would've gotten married. Period. A lot of Gen Z meets a partner who likes to play games, they think one day we'll grow up and my partner will change their ways. Don't trust that theory, if someone can't commit in the beginning then they can't commit at all. Go let them be with an OF model instead. ❤

[@karlvonboldt]

A man gets married when his girlfriend tells him to!😂

[@Bubblereeds]

Thank you ❤

[@levii6126]

@@karlvonboldt People should get married when they both want to

[@levii6126]

@ELIJAH WOODS It can be if you work for it

[@karlvonboldt]

@@levii6126 I agree! What should be and what are, doesn’t always agree.

[@likeworks]

Something Brett doesn't mention that could be a reason why "men marry the next girl" is because they learned from their last relationship what they want and don't. Then they become picky about the next girl girl they date. And when they find someone that matches their new, more narrow criteria for a partner, they settle down because they feel like they've struck gold. This is exactly what happened to me anyway. Long term relationship ended, I learned from that what I want in a relationship. And then I got married when I found someone who fit.

[@lilmaggie13]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@samuelakowuahnimoh8267]

💯

[@belleccino]

Yeah this makes more sense 😊

[@OkMaRcOs11]

But did you atleast love the person yo were in long term rationship with or were you just using them to figuere out what you wanted . Because it almost sounds like you used them a test dummy😅

[@j.d.5626]

You´re totally on point, that has been my experience. I am a guy and I married the next one. Since I learned from my mistakes and I know what I was looking for.

[@kyrman6038]

This can happen for several reasons: 1.The two date for a long time but aren't fundamentally compatible as partners, but they continue dating because they cling to the hope that they will be and that something will change that will make the fully marriageable. It never does but this causes the relationship to drag on. 2. Men tend to be less selective earlier in their life so many men get into relationships young with women they aren't compatible with. After a long relationship they tend to be a little bit older and better at selecting a compatible partner. 3. Men tend to look for different qualities for dating vs marriage. He might date just because she is hot but when he starts thinking of marriage he starts looking for a different set of qualities which she might not meet. Men tend to show this selection by simply not escalating the relationship and letting it ''drift''. 4. By the time they have broken up he has thought alot about why he didn't want to marry her and is therefore very aware of the type of woman he actually does want to marry. His selection after that tends to be a lot more in line with who he actually wants to marry and therefore is more likely to result in marriage.

[@_Dovar_]

Amendment to point 3. - not 'different' qualities as such, but rather 'additional' qualities. Hotness and physical beauty are always a major factor, though not always the decisive one. Source: I'm a man.

[@MalloryNewcomb]

@@_Dovar_Correct. For many people as you get older your needs in a relationship are complex and deeper. You have more you need in a partner

[@bbudimanalqodri]

Maybe one more... The guy is already exausted with the long date which going nowhere and they want to end this journey and find the right and act.

[@fuzzy_wuzzy45]

@@_Dovar_ agreed

[@Ohio_Greg]

#1 how I feel about my current job.

[@attiahaq4699]

I got engaged at 20 to this guy friend of mine, he was 6 years older than I, he liked me so he asked my parents if he can marry me. At that time i wasnt ready, but i said yes because he was a nice guy. We were engaged for 4 years before i ended it. Few month in i knew it wouldnt work , we were fundamentally different and marriage wasnt something i wanted at that time in my life. I tried to end it in year 1 but because both of families were involved it got dragged to 4 years. He got married within few months after we broke up. Fast forward 4 years i still didnt dated anyone. Too afraid to get into a wrong relationship again. Now i am 28 and constantly worried that clock is ticking for me.

[@ellaloc4]

Girl please nothings worse than bein stuck with a guy be free and your man will come relax

[@Maydoggie]

Based on my experiences, I would suggest 3 things to young single people in the dating world: 1) be specific about what you want from a potential spouse; 2) decide upfront what you can't tolerate; 3) talk about marriage early in a relationship. I asked my wife if she was marriage-minded a month after we first met and had only been on 3 dates. I was clear that it wasn't a proposal, but I needed to know that she was at least open to the idea of being married. When she indicated that she was hoping to be married again (we were both divorced), then I told her my "dirt". I was starting to fall for her right after we met, and I didn't want to get my heart drug through the mud. So if this relationship wasn't going to work out, I wanted to know as soon as possible. Honorable mention: Realize right now that there is no such thing as a soulmate or "the one" (that's Hollywood bs) and chemistry is way overrated. The idea of a soulmate and chemistry is a convenient excuse to leave your brain out of deciding on a partner.

[@killuamybb6411]

Best relationship advice

[@rebecaanderson1935]

I believe in soul mate, just not the way people think. I believe before this life me and my husband chose each other, yet we have free agency to change plans in this life, we could have chose to marry someone else. Also that doesn’t mean is all easy and we have all in common. We have our most important values as common things, but we are very different in most things. We have our challenges and our marriage isn’t perfect. Yet I know we chose each other before we were born.

[@64bitUnity]

Thank you for sharing!

[@jenniferadriana5934]

Chemistry is sharing values on the same wevelwngth. That frequency energy between you both is chemistry. Her being able to calm your soul, give you love that is all chemistry. You may not be able to feel it as an empath does but it does exist. There’s just a lot more to it then this.

[@YOMAMA-w]

Well i think every person is different has different life paths and lesson's to learn some people are destined to be in a loving relationship and some people aren't maybe their life purpose is their career life or spirituality and helping others.

[@bethany7072]

I couldnt agree more. My now husband and I started dating about 8 years ago and at the time neither of us wanted kids or a family. 4 years in and I realized that I actually did want children and a family. We had a frank conversation and he thought about it for a day or so and decided he wanted a family too. Another 4 years later and we're happily married with our first baby, a beautiful baby girl and planning to buy our first house. Im so glad that we didnt settle and we're both grateful for the life we have now.

[@JayUchiha17]

It's that simple❤️ Have an adult conversation, make decisions together, and grow. I don't know why people choose the love they think they deserve but not the love they need.

[@GordonTurnerr]

Kudos to you for using real communication, not dropping weird hints and then getting angry when your man misses them! 🤣

[@rstroh2105]

Definitely shouldn't take 4 years...

[@TradMommy]

This is why I’ve tried to teach my two adult sons to treat EVERY girl they’re dating like she’s absolutely wife material. It has made them a little pickier for decency, ladylike qualities, & a great future mother of their prospective children. Dating then becomes quite more respectful & truthful. They also avoid some pointless situations. It saves young potentials from feeling used. Respect for one’s Creator, self & others is tantamount to free love & “do what thou whilst” attitudes.

[@RanchMamaFox]

YES! 💯👏 So glad I'm not the only mom like this!! I told my teenage sons to wait for sex until they're with a girl who is worthy of being their wife and the mother of their children. And when they find her, treat her with the respect they'd want their mother treated with. My oldest is 17 and still hasn't had a girlfriend, because he hasn't found the one. I teach my 12yo daughter (who's a knockout already and has boys drooling) to be picky, wait for the one who's a true gentleman and worthy of her time... the one who loves her authentically. She's still so young, but kids these days are being hypersexualized to the point they're moving way too fast, and I don't want to see her get roped into that. So important to raise them right - now more than ever!!❤

[@kellyemontana62]

There are so many creepy undertones here that I can't articulate how much it makes my skin crawl.

[@RanchMamaFox]

@@kellyemontana62 I'm not sure how it's creepy to teach your boys to be respectful to girls, and teach your girls they're worthy of respect.🤔 If raising kids who don't grow up to treat their partners like they're disposable and instead look for an authentic connection makes your skin crawl, I would genuinely like to know why.

[@Sourwhatup]

Yup and this is literally what dating is for, looking for a spouse. I hate the "dating for fun" approach. Such a stupid way to break your bond pairing.

[@copperwopper6429]

@@RanchMamaFox why are they worthy of respect? How Did they earn it? Are the boys not worthy of respect also if it's just given out freely? Why not teach the girls to respect men? Seems like your type of teaching is exactually why dating is so shitty now. Maybe try teaching both to respect themselves, and respect others until they lose that privledge then don't waste another second on them. Teach the boys how to treat a woman and the girls how to treat a man. Teach both to have honor and not to just expect things because they are girls. And why not teach them respect is earned not given

[@ImYourOnlyItGirl]

My ex and I dated for 5 years. Within months of breaking up, we both were in new relationships and we both had a child. I recently just found that information out. It’s so weird in a positive way, talking for so long about our future family and now we’re living it out at the same time but completely separate. Edit: what I meant by finding that information out is that, I didn’t know at the time I was with my boyfriend and pregnant, he was also engaged and his fiancé was pregnant.

[@LilliesforSeverus]

I think it comes down to finding the right person. My husband and I were talking about marriage within one month of dating each other. It’s so cliche to say this, but “we just knew.” It was a year before we were officially engaged and at 1.5 years we were married, but the intentions were clear from the start. We had both had long term relationships in the past, but neither of us had been married before. We’ve been married 5 years now, and are expecting our first child.

[@lilyjames4634]

Glad for you, God bless you🌸

[@JW-oo7nb]

My husband of 13 years started as friends for 3 years. We dated 6 months had a 2 week engagement. We have had our ups and downs & downs, but that is life. We just get to share it together. For better or worse. We have an 8yo who is the best little guy ever.

[@angelinaoliver5587]

This is beautiful ❤

[@Thedef1]

Jonny called it quits with Vanessa Paradis after more than a décade of being together and having kids with her, married the next and boy did he regret it😂

[@truehappiness4U]

You’re still in your younger years of a relationship. Many divorce after 20 years, most older men cheat on their older wives with a young girl. Now that you have a child let’s see if you and your husband can still stand each other for years. Taking care of children gives stress apparently. Just keep on communicating well with your husband and don’t be angry at each other and you’ll be fine. Or else divorce will be om its way one day

[@alexan8342]

the first time i hangout with my now husband, at the time we were just friends, he told me he wanted to marry me and he was serious, he insisted on talking to my parents to ask them if he could date me, we set up boundaries for dating like no sex before marriage, we were upfront about what we wanted, we got premarital counseling at church, dated for 1 year, were engaged for 1 year, and have been married for 10 years :) hes my best friend

[@jazzyone1986]

You did it Gods way and your union will always be blessed. I love this!

[@dreamchaser7603]

The prove men see a woman as one of their properties and possessions… They don’t see her as a person…

[@actually4660]

@@dreamchaser7603 why you getting bitter at someone’s happiness? I bet u a 304 losser 🤮. Alexan won in life, and you can’t see other women happy🤢

[@melissanasser9777]

​@@dreamchaser7603?

[@BlueDauntless]

@@dreamchaser7603that’s a really stupid correlation.

[@dakotaelliott1726]

My ex and I broke up a few months ago for this reason. I wanted to get married, and she did not. It really bites because we were together for 3 years, and I was going to propose this year around Christmas (she had asked me to wait till she was done her nursing schooling, and since I respected her, I agreed). Getting out of that relationship hurt a lot, but I am better for it. The upholding your standards bit is good for women and MEN to do. Don't compromise for people who aren't willing to commit.

[@TheBaumcm]

You’ll find your way. It sucks but can you imagine if you had tried to create a life on making it work? I had planned on a life with my college sweetheart, dated for almost 7 years and engaged for 2, but he started shifting his work so we didn’t have any time together, after I moved across the country for his work, leaving a job I absolutely loved. I just didn’t want to see that I didn’t have a real partner but hindsight. He bought a motorcycle without even mentioning it first, switched his days off to the middle of the week while I taught, etc. He just really couldn’t handle conflict and while I was heart broken, I also had to take the rose colored glasses off and really take an honest look.

[@throbbinwoodofcoxley6830]

@@TheBaumcm you know he was cheating, correct? If a guy buys something like a motorcycle and then changes his days off to where you’re not together on said days off, he’s dicking around behind your back. You dodged a bullet. Truth of the matter, he didn’t care about you after you were willing to leave your beloved job and uproot for him. You compromised your life so he thought you’d always be there to walk all over.

[@Diego-hr4yj]

@@throbbinwoodofcoxley6830 Not everything that may be true needs to be said.

[@Law19157]

Lesson learned, date with intention and make it known from the start so nobody is wasting their time. Women like to beat around the bush and play games its better to be straight forward.

[@harleypayj11]

This was a really good one and I loved how you didn't only focus on just the men doing this. My bf and I have been dating for 7 years and still aren't married but neither of us need to take that step to stay together because we have already commited the rest of our lives to eachother. If marriage is a must then yeah, don't wait forever. Otherwise marriage is just a piece of paper and the 10 year "wait" shouldn't really factor in to dedicating your whole life to someone. Of course you were there for 10 years. You were intending to be there forever. Completely my own take and I hope everyone gets the love ending they want in life, married or not ❤

[@deannalowman2299]

I am the ex who was replaced with another woman that he is marrying. To say it sucks is an understatement. It ripped me apart. Not only the time wasted but the insecurity it caused. At first, my dreams were filled with him and her. Simple things like watching a movie, holding hands, and having a baby. They filled my nightmares and made me wake up crying. Lately, my dreams have been acceptance. My last one I was at their wedding and raised a glass to her saying she was the luckiest woman to have found him and to take care of him. I have come to realize it wasn't the new woman that was better than myself it was she was a better match for him. I may walk down the aisle one day and get a man to say the two words my ex couldn't to me or I may not but that it in no way means the new woman is less than me. She deserves her happiness as well.

[@varamaur9567]

All the best!

[@deannalowman2299]

@Anna-pt3gr you are not alone. It is the worst heartbreak I ever went through, but there is healing ahead for you, too.

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

I dated two great girls in high school who I could have married and would have been very happy with I'm sure. Because I screwed up good things by getting bored, I married the next one at 19 to prevent screwing it up and she was the wrong one. 3 great kids and 9 years later I would have loved it if either were available, but people tend to miss what they have. Hope for you is that girl I broke up with after junior year met her doctor husband of 35+ years now and they have 3 beautiful daughters and a great life.

[@oliverpolden]

This is how I feel about my ex. She is truly a great person, lovely and makes a great partner. In a lot of ways we were a great match, but just not a complete match. So yes, the person I marry will not be better than her, just a better match. After all, one of the reasons I decided to break up with her was because I know I couldn't be to her what she deserved.

[@fayolasaunders6342]

This reminds me of my friend telling me, "you can be the full package, but just at the wrong address". Everyone is not for everyone. It is painful not to be seen as the most compatible person with someone you love deeply. However, if one person can sense there is incompatibility it is better in the long run that they end the relationship

[@darkside8535]

my longest relationship was 6 months before I got married. I told everyone I dated that this is to see if we are marriage material. I didn't have sex with any of them it was just emotional connections. I knew after a month that my wife was who I wanted to marry. we have been together for 14 years and it's never a dull moment. if it takes someone more than a year (unless they have been married before) it's probably not going to work out.

[@shayalynn]

I’m happy for you!! God bless you both.

[@prejo]

I'd say more than 5 years

[@ammaliapodlaszewska1298]

Congratulation! Similar story as mine. When i first met my husband 13 years ago, our intention was clear from the get go for us to get married and committed to each other and creating a family. I said to him that i was not interested in dating and let's figure things out if we were fundamentally compatible in terms of life's value. 5 months later we got married. We are having 3 daughters now 🙂

[@maryklatka5989]

@darkside8535 I wholeheartedly agree that it does not take long to know if it's right between two people. I think you have to know yourself and what you want. My husband says he knew how he felt very quickly. For my part, I have never felt such a strong connection with anyone. We're not naive kids; I was widowed for 5 years and he's been married and divorced. We know what we're promising to one another. This is for life. We were married a year after our first date.

[@nathanielzoelle]

@darkside8535, what if both parties are still pretty young and want to take their time?

[@TheSentryRob]

Don't marry for love. It doesn't hurt to be in love, but don't marry just because you love someone. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you complement each other and it definitely doesn't mean you are compatible.

[@Lilyium]

Love is like a want. You just want the idea and the person, but it may not be what you actually need.

[@TheSentryRob]

@@Lilyium precisely

[@gastondoumerc7863]

No... Just, no. We do not miraculously become "ready" and then marry the next girl that arbitrarily comes along. For every woman that's ever gotten married, there's a woman before her calling her the "next girl."

[@elvnprince]

I am a massage therapist who has worked on many couples celebrating their anniversaries or other special occasions. I always like to ask how they met each other. Over the years, there has been a solid precedent of this pattern. One example was a person who said they had been with their ex for 3 years, but then 3 weeks after being with their current partner, they moved in together. They just knew. I've heard versions of this story over and over. Sometimes people were young, sometimes people were much older, but when it was aligned, they knew. It seems to be true, when you know, you know.

[@sarahrobertson634]

That's the rebound.

[@elvnprince]

@@sarahrobertson634 There could definitely be similarities, but these people were celebrating years together and still couldn't be more in love with each other. It was an immediate click.

[@CloserToPurpose]

Yup. Looks like it’s either you know that they are the one, or they are just not it.

​@@sarahrobertson634 it could start off as a rebound, but once you experience that moment where you realize you have a lot of respect for this person, they inspire you to be better, and vice versa, then it evolves into commitment and love.

[@ChalyntheRed]

I met someone special as a 15 year old, and we’ve been together for over 20 years now. When you know, you know.

[@blabiourrt]

Hi Brett, I am a 16 year old girl living in the Midwest, and I just want to say how much I appreciate your content. You are one of my biggest role models and I love your honest, factual reports about culture. I also relate to your experiences a lot so I love that someone near my age is able to have an amazing career like yours.

[@Smile-uu2yg]

I wonder if she actually reads these comments, hopefully she does.

[@harharharharharharharharha240]

@EmperorTalpa “🤓”

[@mssophiad03]

@EmperorTalpa why do u say that

[@Smile-uu2yg]

@EmperorTalpa kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for. I've seen an 8 year old kid have a legitimate conversation with a fully grown adult.

[@Mugiwara350]

@EmperorTalpa bro I passed calculus exam at the age of 13 in my nation , with 90% score( I am a guy btw)

[@elisabethjackson8377]

This conclusion is SPOT on. My husband married me because I was wife material and what he was looking for in a companion. Period. I also had high standards and wanted marriage which he knew from the beginning. If women want commitment and they're not getting it, they should hold to their standards and walk away. The 'right one' really just means the one that CHOOSES you! *I'll add that I have definitely dated at least one other guy that I wanted but didn't want me or to commit to me. That taught me a huge lesson about not wasting time. He wasn't worth it. I didn't have to try to get my husband to want me. He just did from the beginning. And I stopped wasting time with all the others. That's really the answer. Don't waste your time.

[@BleuBelair]

Oookay….What if the woman wants commitment but is definitely NOT wifey material. Do you just break up with her immediately?

[@lol_youre_mad]

@@BleuBelair why are you with her to begin with, that's not even helping you financially.

[@ngndnd]

@@BleuBelairthen youre wasting both of your times if u dont want to spend the rest of ur life with her

[@ivoryokeke8818]

I love this video. Today’s culture prioritizes dating over marriage and shames women for having standards and expectations. It is better to be single and waiting than to be in a relationship that is going nowhere. When dating to marry (which you should be) you must have standards and expectations that should be evident to your partner.

[@risivenkian]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@kv2723]

Well said!!!

[@willardsavage2980]

nobody blaming women, it’s just that yall standards are unrealistic, and most of women doesn’t have nothing to offer back tbh

[@lindseycrittendon7883]

I was "the next woman" for my husband. I asked him why he didn't marry the girl before, and he answered without a pause. You try to give, and all she ever wanted to do was take.

[@tylerdurden3722]

Same for me. Even something as simple as a girl trying to put more effort in trying to make me laugh (successfully as a bonus), than me doing my usual thing when trying to make a girl laugh (while making it seem as if I'm not even trying)...which is expected from a guy. It was almost a strange feeling when I experienced this twighlight zone moment with my wife.

[@saga2828]

I was the ,,first girl", definitely gave him a lot, cared for him, was with him during hard times and when the hard times got better he chose the ,,next girl" and probably told her I was not giving and she is lolol. I regret doing so much for him. I wasted 4 years insted of just having fun and doing what I wanted to do.

[@lindseycrittendon7883]

@@saga2828 I knew the first girl, and I can confirm what he said was true, because she was extremely selfish and treated everyone from friends to her parents as resources. For example, they saw each other for 4 years, but after he broke up with her, he was single for 2 years... 2 entire years... She was in a new relationship the next day, and she has continued that pattern for about 25 years now. She uses a guy until he gets fed up, and he breaks up with her...but she's already in a new relationship the next day. But I'm sure if you were to ask her, she'd give a response similar to yours. I understand there are bad people, but let's not act like all of one gender is bad, be it male or female. If this is something that keeps happening to you, what is the common denominator in that problem? It would be you.

[@saga2828]

@@lindseycrittendon7883 yeah, I know there are mamy cases like that, of course and good for him for finding someone better. But it is also often that guys are just ungrateful for the first girl and only realize they need to step up with the next one.

[@laclochard]

That case you mentioned should be the normal thing. But the usual is the man has a woman who builds him up and then he tosses her out when he thinks he can get a woman who is prettier, has a better job, etc

[@sonyaloeraable]

I think it's more like you find "the one" when you are actually ready to. Also it tends to happen when you are focusing more on change and being yourself and less on dating. I was a single mom when I met my husband and had completely given up dating. I was still recovering from brain surgery as well as substance abuse. So I started to go to group therapy to take care of my mental health and be a better mom. My husband had decided to go to group therapy as well for other reasons. And that was where we met. We got engaged in less than a year and here we are 7 1/2 years later still going strong. True love happens when you least expect it. ❤

[@anhsieunhan]

After being together a while I found out that my bf got with me after ending his 4-year relationship for a few months. I was taken a back a little and even asked if I was just a rebouce lol. He reassured me that the previous relationship was over way before it actually ended, and that he cherished me and our relationship made him happier than ever. More than a year in, he proposed and now we're happily married. He said that he knew I was the one when he couldn't imagine living far away from me. Men don't just marry the one in front of them at the right time. They are not that simple-minded haha.

[@linhduong0809]

My husband also said he knew he needed to propose when he could not imagine living without me. I was planning to move abroad so he had to act quickly. He also had a 5 year and then on off relationship before me.

[@allana6960]

Ty I'm just remembering how my ex never cared about me! Lol he gaslighted me through hell and back. Right when he told me he wanted to date me, I said that I only date if it is with the possibility of marriage. He pretended all along... Never gave him sex tho.

[@theforgot3n1]

​@@allana6960that last sentence is key. You did well 💪

[@annakhan9931]

ms brett, you’re absolutely real for this especially the fact that this showed up on NY. Thanks for ur advice :)

[@meganpatterson2218]

YES! I'm 17 (not dating yet) and I plan on telling the guy's I go on dates with from the get go that I'm dating for marriage. I feel like that won't only save me a lot of heartbreak, but also just get me to the one faster. Also, my parents dated for three years, had an argument about something stupid and broke up for a few months. In those few months my Dad dated another woman and got engaged. My Mom heard about it and called him, told him she is still in love with him and they were married a year later. Now they are celebrating their 36th wedding anniversary this month, they have three children, two on earth and one with God. They are seriously what I look up to when it comes to love and my Dad is the reason my standards are so high. He has shown me what a husband and man of God looks like, that's what I'm looking for.

[@lindao.ezenwammadu7056]

Please let them know 😊. Some will try to make u feel bad but don’t settle.

[@Dominicus13]

Totally the right way to go about it. I also second the whole not putting out sex part. While I would advise just straight up not having sex before marriage, at least make the dude stick around for 6+ months and or propose first. I still recommend just not having sex before marriage more, but if you at least give the appearance of not putting out you can weed out the losers who are not ready for a serious relationship.

[@threearrows2248]

Yes! I wasn't raised like this, but by God's grace my husband and I were ready for marriage and a family when we met, we just didn't know it until we met. I'm raising my children this way and Lord willing, they'll be serious about relationships when they begin dating. Praying that you have a beautiful family one day!

[@scienceproducts439]

You dating or marriage or not nobody care because, its the men who have to MARRY YOU. He had to be finacial, emotional, etc ready, yall women just need to not have a shitty attitude. and yet still blaming Men

[@benjamindouglas862]

​@@SookaNooka would you buy a car without a test drive? Personally my advice is never marry anyone you don't live with first.

[@leezapaints]

when i was dating my husband, i saw somewhere where a study says it takes 2 years to get to know someone so he had 2 years to propose but i wasnt holding him to a date to be married. i just said he should know by then 🤷‍♀️. He chose to ask sooner at 1.5 years without pressure. He also wanted to be married and have children. Our goals matched.

[@Dominicus13]

I didn’t ask until almost 3 years. I knew I wanted her to be my wife in 2 weeks. I was having the custom ring made by a year and a half. I decided if she didn’t do the same thing my exes did and turn crazy near the three year mark I would ask her to marry me. We now have 2 beautiful daughters and a happy home.

[@threearrows2248]

Lol my husband and I met in January, started dating in March, and were married in August. 10 years later and we just had baby #4, have a business together, and still love hanging out with each other. When you know, you know.

[@dadawesome784]

We don’t just marry the “one in front of us.” We marry the “most marriable” one in front of us when we decide it’s time to marry.

[@man-observing-world]

Great point

[@Venomx-nb1jr]

I mean women are also responsible on the timing aspect. This happened to me. I had a best friend I thought I was going to end up with for several years but she eventually got tired of me not moving fast enough for her and she moved back home and found someone ready to settle down and picked him. So then I technically married the next girl after her because she got tired of waiting on me and married someone else.

[@m.935]

That´s still exploitative and narcissistic that you use women as objects knowing you don´t want to commit to them. It is a downfall of our society. I pray my son grows up into an honorable man, not a slave to his pleasure and bad leader of others weaker than him.

[@VitorHugoOliveiraSousa]

@@m.935 LOL why are you taking the agency and responsibilities of those women involved in those causal sexual relationships? Why are you treating them like children? You are gonna create a weak beta male that will be used and exploited by women, and will spent most of his adult life as a incel.

[@aclark903]

@@m.935 A woman who gives it all up to a man before marriage has only herself to blame if she gets hurt.

[@amandaredd3057]

I just love you, Brett 😂❤ I agree too that putting all the blame on the men is lame. The women are staying in these go nowhere relationships voluntarily often times being told openly that the dude will never marry them. He might be monogamous and treat you well while you're together, but he's not going to marry you. He's not lied about his intentions, you just chose to ignore them. Maybe start valuing yourself more and move on to someone else who is on the same page. Look, I speak from sincerity and experience. I spent 6 years with a man who couldn't fully commit until I'd had enough. It was actually an amicable split and we both ended up marrying our next woman/man (respectively)

[@Mdub_actual]

Brett is the only place I get my Hollywood gossip from, because it’s drivel, but she makes something worthwhile out of the “news” of it Thanks Brett

[@shirin8609]

I really don't like gossip, but I realize that certain elements of our culture thrive on sane people being too disgusted to engage with it and offer some sort of pushback. We have to realize that not all news that happens to be shocking is necessarily "gossip," too.

[@davidb9779]

Hollywood gossip is stupid regardless and you just simping for Brett

[@williampotter2098]

Mike Williams You just realize that it is a small harmless guilty pleasure for Brett. She is much to busy and much too hard working to let it really color her thinking. I hate to say how many big bags of popcorn I ate during the Paris Hilton years. LOL

[@madisonhiggins]

In my opinion (as a married woman in my late 20s), there is no reason to date someone longer than 2 years once you are over 21. Either get married or move on. By one year, you should probably be able to tell if this is someone you can see yourself marrying. Dragging it out longer than 2 years can be setting up one of you for heartbreak.

[@lindao.ezenwammadu7056]

Gbam! On point

[@kristinewberg7656]

I totally agree with this, with a caveat. If the two of them are both purposefully dating towards marriage, and they both know that is the goal, a year is plenty of time to make a decision either to get engaged or break up and move on. The caveat is, that the girl should never ask, "So, are you ever going to propose?" to the guy. "Marriage-talk" should never come from the girl, except for at the very, very beginning to make sure the guy knows she is looking for marriage.

[@blacky8987]

you dont need to get married for that lol women only see black and white this days goddamn.

[@sigmacademy]

@cedar.summit Perhaps, but on the other hand, you have people who then go on to date for 10 years, break up, and then one of them marries the next person they meet within weeks or months after meeting. That simply means that person was burning time until he or she met the person he or she REALLY wanted to marry. That also leads to LOTS of bitterness on the part of the partner left behind.

[@ygkemosabi8280]

In my opinion there is no reason to not date someone for 25 years then either get married or move on. That paperwork is not important. Funny how opinions work huh.

[@halesrerouted]

I left my ex because he couldn’t get over his potential relationship with a girl from college. She was a literal beauty queen and after 3 years he said something at an event that flipped a switch in me. Despite his family and friends loving us together and pushing for marriage and me being a totally chill and unproblematic partner - I wasn’t his type and frankly, he wasn’t mine. I found I was better alone at this point in time. As heartbreaking as it is to kill so much time with the wrong one, I have faith that at some point, I’ll find the right one.

[@stonerbaby895]

You will find the one and you should be proud of yourself that you had standards and refused to be with someone who was still pining for someone else I knew a girl who was in the same situation but she married him and trust me when I say it didn't get better he started comparing them more and more and it got worse you had standards you should be proud of that!

[@nicknevco215]

creepy

[@Prismalpink]

@@stonerbaby895 it’s weird that some people will force themselves to like another person like that. If someone hasn’t gotten over someone they shouldn’t break another person’s heart.

[@Gintoki_Madao]

"And frankly, he wasn't mine" Doesn't that make you a hypocrite

[@halesrerouted]

@@Gintoki_Madao no, I learned that he wasn’t a good fit for me over time, unfortunately.

[@Μιχαέλα-ν9ζ]

Woah! I must admit when I saw the thumbnail and title, I didn't expect this video to have this take on the issue. This was refreshing and honest! Great advice!

[@anicharlie7014]

I was in a relationship for about 10 years with my first boyfriend. The red flags were obvious, I just chose not to see it. I thought that we can work around it but the relationship lacked understanding, patience and communication on both ends. Love alone isn't enough to make a relationship work. Intially when we broke up, I too thought that ugh I just wasn't the one but that whole idea just fed into an endless cycle of depresson. There is no such thing of 'the one'. I love the idea of love and the kind of romance that make your heart flutter but I think many of us lose sight of reality when we get too lost, thinking solely with our hearts. I believe there are many lessons to learn from heart break and it takes time to unwrap what went wrong and what worked. And I think most importantly, learning about ourselves, our mistakes and the things we want out of a relationship. We can't change another but we can change ourselves for the better.

[@ethxo6734]

I completely agree. Love is not enough.

[@sigmacademy]

"The One" is a romanticized myth. It's like waiting for your "Prince/Princess", which is just an excuse to wait around until something better comes along, which is a strategy that only works for some (especially those with LOTS of dating opportunities), and backfires spectacularly on others. The best way to look at it is that there are people who will treat you well (selflessly), and others who won't - you're looking to make sure you optimize your time with the former and eliminate time with the latter. Also, successful relationships take work. If someone isn't committed to the doing that work, he or she won't be sticking around in said relationship.

[@GrizrazRex]

Can't speak for the ladies, but I can tell you that many men are simply finding it easier to make a stone of their own hearts. 'To hell with love" has become a kind of mantra, in some corners of the manosphere. This is the dating and relationship environment that YOU wanted and have established, ladies. Every aspect about it seems to favor you, especially when the law becomes involved. So why are you mostly miserable?

[@bananajoe9951]

Yeah no, I dated alot in my 20's. Each woman was clearly not ready to commit. When I met my wife, I was 28 and she was 21, but she was very much ready for a serious relationship. We talked about it for about 7 months and got married. That was 13 years ago and it's been wonderful since.

[@Rolandazz]

I’m a girl who’s 27, would it be weird for me to date down? There’s a guy who’s 24 who I kinda admire but at the same time it feels weird because of the age gap like I feel like it’s illegal or something even though it’s a 3 year difference. 😂

[@yashrajjohn5587]

Go for it

[@_Dovar_]

You lucky bastard. I wonder if the age gap of "older husband-younger wife" is actually a historical norm.

[@mickeypopa]

​​@@RolandazzSomeone seriously messed with your head if you think being romantically involved with a 24yo man as a 27yo woman is wrong. If I had to guess, I'd say it was your girl "friends". And they'd strictly be doing it out of jealousy and envy because you found a younger guy who is above his peers enough to catch your attention. As a young man I was always attracted to women older than me because girls my age were hopelessly helpless and so damn unattractive (sneakers, jeans, t-shirts, attitude... so just like guys but with long hair). Older girls and women, on the other hand, in feminine skirts, tops and platform wedges or high heel slingbacks were always super attractive to me but older women NEVER gave me a chance. And I was never one for being pushy or chasing after them, especially if they were like 3+ years older. It was always "take it or leave it" with me. But I imagine they were too afraid of what others might say, too afraid of being stigmatized by other women instead of enjoying themselves with a young stud. Oh well... their loss. 😉

[@zunaslogic4128]

@@Rolandazz whatttt?!? Girly go for it! Honestly, someone can be 10 years younger than you and if it clicks, it clicks.

[@user-bx4ti6ig3i]

This happened to my husband. He was with his ex for 7 years. He bought her a home and they were engaged. She got pregnant months before their wedding and in order to fit into her dress, she had an abortion. He was very devastated and kicked her out and obviously broke it off. 2 years later we met at a friend's BBQ. We knew it was meant to be within 4 months in. I was 20 he has 29, that was 14 years ago and 6 kids later. He sold the house and we picked another one out.

[@louloulou5894]

😮 she took a human life just to fit into a dress! Wtf! She gave him no hints that she was planning on doing this before hand? That's terrible. He must of been so heart broken 😔

[@anne.ominous]

WHAT

[@serena6276]

How could she do something so evil like that! :O

[@Elli-xz2ru]

@@serena6276 i agree.. someone is struggling to conceive a baby and then someone gets rid of a baby that easily, so sad

[@cat-jz7sj]

​@@Elli-xz2ru because people have different wants-? What that women did to her husband wasn't a good way of sorting out things at all, but why compare people who obviously want different stuff in their lives-? What somebody else can't get isn't our fault, we don't have to put off doing our on things for what they can't have.

[@beaumondematchmaking]

This is the reason why people should have a healthy talk about intention within 2 years into the relationship. It is about communication and action

[@MrGWright92]

As a man, I think it has more to do with the experience you gained from that long term relationship. Personally, I learned a lot about qualities I valued and despised in a partner because of my ex. I also learned what mistakes I was making as a boyfriend/husband and made an effort to avoid those things in future relationships. I didn't end up marrying the next girl, but it was a pretty quick turnaround because I had a much better idea of what I was looking for in a wife and how to be a better husband.

[@TaraJ950]

I've gained a lot of knowledge like you from my long term relationship but opposite to you it made me single for years.

[@TheGoldenCapstone]

This is the only accurate take. This new theory women are touting is just a cope.

[@monikap8777]

Me too

[@briyannapabon7658]

Best piece of advice I’ve ever heard: you only need 6 months or less to know if they’re the one. You don’t need 10 years, or even 5. My husband and I both knew right away.

[@leramda9]

Maybe that worked for you. See again everyone compares to their own experience rather than seeing the pattern!

[@Papaconstantopoulos]

Interestingly, I've felt this way but reversed for the girls I've dated: I've been up front about dating for marriage and wanting to have kids one day, but a majority of the young women I've been around & dated have acted out an unwillingness to commit that got me thinking that I just had to find a girl who not only fit well with me, but who also felt that she was ready to be serious about dating and committing :) So it's interesting to me that girls are saying this about guys, and not the other way around, but in reality of course it's going to take both people sharing the same attitude about settling down together

[@letmebeyourocd]

This is facts. I’m a woman and I’ve been in both situations. And I have three brothers and know a bunch of guys and girls who have also been in both situations. Genderless issue for sure.

[@jayveenkaur2453]

Exactly

[@via-anghelmagahum2586]

I’m a 19 year old girl and this is why I can’t get a date because I’m just like you! No one my age I’ve met so far is really into long term or commitment and they just want something casual

[@braidedgoatee]

It is amazing how often people try to ascribe an issue to a gender that is really a problem for both. Society has attributed so many things to gender that don't really have anything to do with gender. The results of those mistakes are people being confused about what gender is. To simply boil it down, people first need to know in which direction they personally want to go, not what direction other people think they should go. Then they can find someone to go in the same direction as them.

[@silverbullet11202]

As a guy, this is essentially the principle I'd learned through online dating, and it helped that so many profiles said basically that much, "if you're not ready, don't waste my time." I met a girl, and after the first date it was clear I wasn't ready and she wasn't someone I was interested enough in to get ready for. I basically closed the door on that relationship and dropped online dating altogether. And any girls I happened to run into since then who've developed feelings for me I've learned to let down quickly and gently. They value their time as much as I value mine, and nothing is worse than being led on months at a time until that person finds someone they're actually interested in pursuing a relationship with.

[@aubreezarges]

I'm glad I'm seeing this even if I'm 6months late to it. I was with my ex for 13 years & had standards when we started dating about timing of marriage & children ect, but he kept not meeting them & I allowed that. Now I'm in my 30s & am learning to walk away & not waste time when standards such as basic honesty & respect are not met.

[@theeemaven]

Giiirl hugs to you. I feel yah

[@en2336]

Married men live longer/healthier/less stressful lives, earn more/are wealthier/have more opportunities, and are more respected by men and desired by women wheras ALL OF THAT is the opposite for married women. Marriage is a SCAM for women honestly

[@lyaadonara1386]

Good for you, girl!! Now go hv fun, loving yourself & glow!! You will find the best one at your best time. Amen ❤

[@marissashantez6051]

No worries. Look at what happened to Vanessa Hudgens after Butler left her. She married a cuter, and more pleasant seeming dude, and they make an awesome couple. I dont know if Butler is engaged, but Hudgens is married.

[@ChrisDavis-tt1dj]

I think as men (and women) get older they realize what they really want in a relationship. I was married for 10 years. Then I was devastated by a divorce even though I wanted out for years. When I was ready I started dating again. I met some wonderful women, but there was always something missing. I reached out to the girl I dated in college. We broke up when she moved away for school. It was mutually and we had no hard feelings toward each other afterward. I was surprised to find out she had been single for over a year. We immediately hit it off. The chemistry was still there. 3 years later we were married and I couldn’t be happier.

[@dr.m6152]

What a lovely story

[@cherilynkirschbaum2044]

I've always been that woman who put up w indecisive men. Now I'm 46 and single. I wasted some of my best years. But last guy I was with did it for 3 years and I finally had enough and ended it. Forever. That was over a year ago. He's still trying to get back together w me. What I'm saying is (agreeing w this video 100%) you become super attractive and even suddenly "the one" when you put your foot down. Men like very strong women. But that being said, don't waste your time w anyone who won't commit. And don't lower your standards ❤

[@YesToLifeAlways]

Some men commit by moving in with the girl and discussing future plans. But a wedding is never a thing due to money etc.

[@gkool4655]

And at 46..darling you will likely not find a man at your "standard" unless he's much older than you... 50 to 60 and will therefore see you as the younger woman

[@cherilynkirschbaum2044]

​​@@gkool4655 I don't realize encouraging him to move out of his parents basement, and to stop abusing me to the point I ended up in the hospital was raising the bar too high, but to each his own darling.

[@pm8401]

@@gkool4655 How triggering for you that a woman has standards. She will find a man her own age easily, incel.

[@gkool4655]

@@pm8401 I'm 41 married with 3 kids. my wife is 13 years younger than me. I own 2 businesses and fight in BJJ and MMA. Yeah.... I guess you need to redefine "incel" loser

[@therajashree8]

This was one of the best videos on relationships i have ever seen!

[@nikkisevenski9207]

I guess you could say my husband and I were each other’s next girl/guy. We had both just come out of long relationships. We got engaged after 2 months of dating. We just knew that we were right for each other. We’ve been married almost 15 years and have two kids together. I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else.

[@delightfulgenius4635]

This may also not be a new thing. My aunt recently told me that my great-grandpa (or great-great-grandpa?) had been dating someone for _eight years_ and my great-grandma (ditto) was _engaged_ when they both left the other person to marry each other. I'm fifteen, so they would have been born about 1925.

[@Jabberwocky887]

Speaking for myself and most of the friends I have, if a man stays in a relationship for any length of time without commiting it likely means there is something that is concerning to him in that relationship, but not bad enough for him to breakup with her faster. When he identifies it, he breaks it off, looks for a woman who does fit his needs and quickly marries her.

[@rosiemackenzie5976]

Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free. At the risk of being very annoying, old fashiioned and people thinking I am out of touch. Men have no problem marrying a woman they want to spent the rest of their life with. Men know pretty quickly if they want to marry you, they may not tell you that especially if they have a good thing going, but they know.

[@MalloryNewcomb]

That really makes sense. Because depending on the nature of the issue, you might think it’s something on your end to work on… and if everything else seems fine, it can make sense how you can ignore problems for a while I feel like that’s probably the best explanation for this relationship ending. Austin and Vanessa lived together, they moved his mother in for the last few months of her life. He was there when her father died. Statistically not many people in long relationships like this end up marrying but some do, so there’s no hard and fast rule. I agree that I imagine it was a good relationship but there was a fatal flaw he couldn’t figure out. Once he did… it became clear this wasn’t going to work and so he ended it.

[@ambertorres5358]

FINALLY someone said it!! Every single time I hear stories like this I always think, "The real question is WHY did the ex allow someone to waste 4, 6, 8 years of her life??" That's giving low self-esteem vibes.

[@kinj5422]

Thats giving „i think liberal approach to relationships can actually work …and miraculously lead to a conservative concept that is marriage “ vibes 😂

[@SharkAcademy]

What I still don’t get about the mindset of “he wasted 5, 8, 10 years of her life”. Why is it a waste and why is it only her time wasted? He was also in that relationship. Was there not love and good moments that were had during those years? Would it have been different if they had married and then divorced after 10 years, would it still have been time wasted, and who’s? Whoever didn’t call the divorce? We know women ask for a divorce nearly 80% of the time, are they wasting all those men’s years?

[@shooklizard9039]

Because they love that person and see a future and waiting for the ring

[@brusso456]

The real question is WHY do women who want children, waste their fertile years getting a degree and a job, when they could have gotten married and have kids? women who tell their boyfriends that their priority is a degree and a job, get a guy who will hang around until he can find a woman who will actually commit to him (by having children).

[@TheLordNovo]

It also just looks like a woman cope to be telling yourself ‘I dated him for 9 years and we broke up, but the next girl he married after barely a year. Clearly I was the better option.’ If you were the better option, you’d be the wife rn, not the ex. People need to just look at reality and see that there’s nothing wrong with admitting someone wasn’t right for you. That’s just how life works

[@salemthorup9536]

Why do these girls think they are the love of his life if he marries the next girl? This is so sexist and insulting to men.

[@FrogSitter661]

Male here. The idea of men getting married when they're ready is actually pretty true, at least for me. My first girlfriend was when I was 17, whom I dated for 3.5 years. From the beginning, she wanted to get married after high school. I told her I wasn't ready, and probably wouldn't be until I was 24, once I had my degree and career started. She cheated, probably due to my prolonging of the relationship. Second girlfriend, while in college, never mentioned marriage. We dated 1.5 years. Because I spent so much time with my first girlfriend, I knew right away what I liked better about her. But, I also caught on pretty quick to things I disliked even more. She found someone else, but I was planning to break up soon anyways so it was mutual and healthy. Now that I have my career and am living quite comfortably on my own, I definitely feel ready to get married. And because I spent long periods of time with two very different women, I'm fairly confident that the next woman I call my girlfriend will be my wife. But it's not because she's "in the right place at the right time." It's because I know better now what to look for, how to recognize it, and how to appreciate it and express my love better (I certainly wasn't the most loving boyfriend while flooded with assignments and projects in college). Here's hoping all goes well in my search.

[@LittleDarling-qw4gc]

Good luck

[@blacky8987]

thats fucgking bulshlt, only because that happen to you dont make it the true lol men married for alot of reasons you cant just make the facts out of Lonely women made out that shlt.

[@moonbuni59]

It is good to be ready.

[@crismacintosh]

“Male here” loved that 😂

[@GrizrazRex]

Make sure that you still have an ironclad prenup, just in case. Chameleons exist.

[@31Motorsports]

I feel like people are making this way more complicated than it needs to be

[@Strobobel]

Welcome to the internet lol

[@TheSageSpartan]

@@Strobobel *welcome to women

[@j____397]

@@TheSageSpartan welcome to men

[@XxLostFinalGirlxX]

@@j____397 welcome to men AND women

[@daddynanners3944]

@@j____397 you say that while not remembering the title of the video you’re on.

[@sarahmarshall9366]

5 years is still too long to stick around and wait to be proposed to; I think the max is 2.5 to 3 years. But that includes those serious talks, striving for whatever the goal to make it possible, and checking in with your significant other regularly to make sure marriage is still a goal between the two of you.

[@friedawells6860]

Yes! I had a 3.5 year relationship before I met my fiance, and let me tell you 3.5 years felt way too long! We both knew subconsciously knew that it would end by the 2.5 year mark for sure.

[@eduardomaldonado1647]

Sarah if you Dating with purpose You should know within 6 months to 1 year at most if that person is right for you. Never Date for FUN only you date to find your life companion someone you can build a life with. Preferably you marry your good friend of the opposite gender. Those serious talks should be starting around 3-4 month. IF that person deflects those questions that person is not the right one. Dating 3-5 years is for the young kinds 18-24 and even then i still think that is a mistake.

[@rossrobertson674]

What if the guy never wants to get married but also wants to be with u forever? That seems to be what most men would like to do cuz these archaic marriage laws have been F-ing us for decades now and we see what happened to the men who came before us, isn't it enough that women automatically get custody (child support), can't we at least get rid of alimony and losing half our shit?

[@nathalieksghdvjk8422]

I think it depends on age. If someone’s dating their „high school sweetheart” or someone they met in college/uni then 4-5 years isn’t uncommon

[@C0ffeeCowboy]

The “home” scene was great! Good job editor

[@inezsanchez1034]

My husband and i started dating when we were 16 and got married at 21. We’ve been married now for 10 years and have 3 kids. I honestly can’t believe we are married lol. I think you just pick someone and decide to make it work no matter what. We are very happily married still and just constantly in a mindset of never giving up on the same day.

[@arkayceedom]

We have a family friend who dated this man for 11 years and when they broke up, he married the next girl (younger) and now has 2 children with her. While the girl did marry someone else, she has been struggling to have kids. My heart still breaks for her.

[@louloulou5894]

Tell her to get her iron checked. If it's too low then that's most likely why she's not getting pregnant unless there's another underlying issue or it can be an issue on her partners side. Doesn't hurt to have bloodwork to get hormone levels checked out as well.

[@cecilyadams4086]

Although marriage legalitities are risky, longer relationships need surety. There is wealth /security building which needs to be focused and done together over time.

[@leilaniz5909]

I believe every woman knows in about 3 months if a guy is truly compatible, and in 6 months you've fought against the incompatibilities and it's totally respectable to call it quits for both of you. A year is a good amount of time to wait for the other person to make a decision, and a year is a good amount of time for an engagement. This is a 2 year period where any 2 people who know who they are and what is good and bad, right and wrong, can call it quits before marriage.

[@mbourque]

this is only applicable in relationships that they are living together. WHICH is a horrible idea as studies show that couples that live together before marriage have a 75% chance of ending in divorce. MORE if they live together longer before marriage. And even a year is still not enough time to really know enough about someone to be sure that you want to marry them ( or really to live together, which is why nearly all 'cohabitation' relationships usually end in less than 3 years.) So IF a couple aren't living together, it makes more sense that the dating will take much longer before an engagement. it can easily be 3 or 4 years before an engagement in these situations, and that's a good thing, as it gives more time for them to better know each other before the marriage and more chances to end the relationship if problems can't be worked out.

[@hannahlevin3286]

@@mbourque That's because those religious couples who wait to live together until marriage 1.) have a religious incentive to stay married 2) It's HARD to divorce; lots of paerwork, drama, and things involved such as alimony. It costs thousands. It's unlikely that simply living unmarried together, in itself, causes divorces.

[@indica534]

I've been with my boyfriend for a decade and let me tell you, 2 years are not enough to get to know each other and fix all incompatibilities. That takes a lifetime. A good relationship is about honesty and conversation. Whether you are going to be willing to get to know someone everyday and change yourselves to be better for each other.

[@kingkohli4952]

Most women can put on a show for 2 years and because you are a woman you can afford to spew this. Men risk EVERYTHING to sign a marriage contract family courts, 0 reproduction rights so men can't just afford to jump in for marriage considering that 60% divorce rates and women initiate 80% of them

[@leilaniz5909]

​@@mbourque deal breakers are things like smoking, religion, how you treat your parents, how you spend your money, they're not things like snoring so no I don't think you have to live with someone. But hey, if the girl is not depended upon for rent and can easily leave at any time without the premarital "commitment" in a lease, I don't think moving in together has a prominent affect on skewing your decision making. In fact, if you're living together I think it may take you more time to figure out the deal breakers because of financial commitments holding off your logic.

[@ArianaHaydon]

Thank you for this topic something i find it hard to understand, not only celebrities

[@kairinaminemix]

A family therapist I watch on KZbin said that it only really takes 3 months of getting to know someone and talking to them consistently to know what their values are and what they’re all about. Sure you won’t know someone truly until you’ve been in hard situations with them, but you don’t need to go through all of that if you can already see you and that person’s goals, values and personality aren’t compatible from the start. Also, women need to stop giving their bodies freely to these guys who won’t commit to them. Ofc a guy won’t feel the need to risk marriage to a woman who’ll freely give him intimacy even if he hasn’t earned it

[@sarahrobertson634]

Time for a sex strike, ladies.

[@healthraven]

Lol tell that to Ted Bundys wife who didn’t know her husband was a serial killer until after they had a kid and years later after marriage lol

[@MarthaMoreno-p9h]

@@healthravenor she didn’t pay attention to the red flags

[@NoName-tc9zq]

My husband and I dated in high school and it didn't work out because we were figuring life out. When we started dating again as adults, the day I said yes to dating him, he told me he wanted to marry me. A month later he proposed. A few months later we were married. When a man wants you, he wants you 🤷‍♀️ Hold your standards ladies, and the man that wants you will do whatever necessary to have you.

[@mbourque]

this is a prime example of why relationships under the age of 25/6 don't usually work out. the human brain is still developing and the emotions are maturing up to around the age of 26. the intellectual aspects of the brain aren't fully developed while the brain is still developing. thus the emotional and decision making centers aren't finished being formed and thus don't fully function properly. once the brain is fully formed and finished developing, we act differently than just a year before, because we can process information better and think through situations more thoughtfully, and can make decisions based on facts and information and not just emotions and feelings. this is when we start solidifying our preferences to life and the people we want in our lives. Thus relationships and marriages after this point are deeper and last longer. we are more likely to make better decision in who we choose as a partner and are less likely to rashly break off a relationship over petty crap.

[@NoName-tc9zq]

@@mbourque I was 22 when we got married lol. I think getting married around 20-24 is good because building a life with someone is usually leads to a better marriage than one where you're both older and have your own lives, then merging those lives when you're both set in your ways is much harder. When we broke up we were in high school so yeah I'd say thats too young to marry.

[@jimluebke3869]

Don't abuse him. If he doesn't like cats, get rid of your cats. If he wants to do a family budget, do a family budget. If he actually likes spending time with you, don't devote 100 hours a week to your career.

[@NoName-tc9zq]

@@jimluebke3869 not sure what that had to do with my comment, but yeah I agree don't abuse your husband...? Of course. Every little thing I do is for him. Except if you love someone you wouldn't force them to get rid of their pet. Pets are domesticated by humans and as such if you take in a pet you have an obligation to that pet. My husband loves me and knew I was crazy about animals before he married me, and so he supports me in my many pets. Just like I support him in his hobbies and encourage him to be his best. I would never marry someone who doesn't love animals almost as much as I do because it means a lot to me, just like people shouldn't marry people who they're not compatible with. If you don't like animals, find someone else who doesn't like animals. Don't take someone's pet away from them because you have control issues.

[@jimluebke3869]

@@NoName-tc9zq "the man that wants you will do whatever necessary to have you." If he has this attitude -- or the intention of trying to live up to this attitude -- don't abuse it, or you'll find things falling apart. For example, if the cat starts to use the kitchen table as a litterbox, it's not a "control issue" if he insists that the cat be prevented from doing that. That's not a "control issue", that's boundaries.

[@thepracticalblade9013]

I quite literally experienced this, or something very similar... Dated a girl in college for 7 years before getting engaged, and got divorced after a single year of marriage. Why did it take to long to get engaged? Because I pretty much knew in my gut it wasn't going to work. And hey, check it out, it didn't. Next question you might ask would be "Why'd you get married if you knew it wasn't going to work?" and my response would be that hindsight is 20/20 and sometimes we, as humans, simply make poor choices. That being said, it took me only a year to decide to get enagaged to my current fiancee, with not an ounce of conflict or dealbreakers in sight. So, what's my deal? Did I just 'decide' to settle down? Am I 'desperate' to get remarried and start my family? Nope... Turns out you learn a LOT from bad relationships. The less fortunate people in the world take nothing from these situations and simply repeat their mistakes. Some of us, however, learn and grow and apply that wisdom to our future decisions. Long story short, I spent a decade learning what was good and what was bad for me in a relationship. After getting away from it, identifying those things was extremely easy the second time around. Yes, it only took me a year to decide to marry my partner... but what you didn't get to see in the middle, during my dating life, was that it took me, at most, 2 dates to figure out if those individuals were right for me or not. I went on a ton of dates and immediately weeded out the people I knew weren't going to work for me based on everything I've learned. I'd wager that the 'next person' made it to marriage so quickly because the person making that proposal has learned quite a bit throughout their lives and is simply applying their knowledge to make better, more efficient decisions. ...and my final piece of infinite wisdom... don't take marriage advice from little kids who haven't even been married themselves. The only people who would barely get a 'pass' in this regard would be people who went to school specifically for something involving relationships and their related dynamics, but even then, iffy. Can we also take a moment to appreciate the irony of the thought process here? A man settles down based on timing, not based on his partner? If that's the case.. why do men allegedly settle down ~1 year after their previous relationship? Wouldn't that imply that the 'right timing' was right around the corner? You had 5-10 years with the man and you're gonna say the "timing was wrong", but then, SURPRISE, "timing" was apparently just 365 days away? It's not the timing, honey... it's you.

[@ngndnd]

ugh i needed this… in a 5 year relationship with hs sweetheart and in the beginning i did see a future with him but i cant see myself marrying him anymore. We were always incompatible (i think hes lame af, his only hobbies are playing video games) but stayed bc we are best friends and love each other. The issue is that im not mentally strong enough to leave

[@suddenlyyours]

@@ngndnd let him read your comment and he himself will leave you instead 💀

[@ArielaParker]

I have known several men who explained to me that most of the time, when a man stays with a woman for 5+ years and doesn't marry her, it's because he's waiting for someone better to come along and if he thinks they won't and gives up, then he'll settle for who he's with and marry her

[@TheToastDog]

So I believe that almost any couple can be happily married to almost anyone so long as they are equally committed. I will say that with my wife, it was the first woman that I dated where I was like: "woah, this person is actually GOOD FOR ME". 11 years of marriage and 4 kids later, she proves by being her normal self that I made an excellent decision!

[@actually4660]

Well it was your first, it’s gonna last. But I bet she had many men experience, did she? She used you

[@joshheeter6540]

Another perspective from a guy who did "Marry the Next One". I was in college, had been dating my ex ~3 years. I was in the back half of my degree, and I could see the future career looming. I started to picture what I wanted my life to look like, and marriage was in the "sooner than later" goals for me personally. It was examining critically exactly what I wanted in a life partner- and not just girlfriend, that led me to break up with my ex. Essentially I became ready to think about marriage in the midst of dating someone I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry. From there, I had a different standard for my next relationship- which I went into from the beginning thinking of marriage. Of course, we fell in love quickly and got married- and we are happy. It was never right person wrong time, just wrong person and I wasn't mature enough from the start to figure it out. Does that make me the bad guy? Maybe, but we live and we learn.

[@viktoriatiteva3789]

I love that story. We do indeed grow and change and the best time to figure sth like this out is BEFORE you commit. It's better to break up with sb you are dating than end up divorced. I'm happy for you, man!

[@jojijosette5946]

You did good.

[@RhombonianKnight]

Why would that make you the bad guy?

[@destineeneville]

​@@RhombonianKnight because ideally- a person shouldn't date someone that isn't marriage material for them. Especially for a long period of time because it's causing another person heartache and wasting their time. But like he said- he was learning and growing and sometimes you don't realize what you really need and want until you're deep into a relationship with the wrong person

[@RhombonianKnight]

@@destineeneville I still don't think that makes him the "bad guy" unless he broke up with that gf in a rather poor way.

[@NdeNanny]

I just broke up with my boyfriend after a 6 years relationship so I can confirm that in fact we did not get married because of my weak standards and for how much I pushed back my limits to fit with him. I was trying to be the cool independent woman that does not want marriage but at the end of the day I do want it and i will not pretend i dont again.

[@natthebratster]

And...I'll bet he's so used to having "someone" that he's probably already latched onto his current FWB. I just can't anymore with the insane standards.

[@brianjones9780]

You realize it now though. You got that going for you. Men whose goal is to get married often get engaged really quickly as soon as they make that decision for themselves, so for all you know you could be wifed up in less than a year. Just focus on dating men whose goal in the relationship is to be a husband. Not the "I want to get married someday" guy, the "I want to get married ASAP" guy.

[@improveyourenglishwithjess]

Stay strong sister! ❤ Another life lesson learned. I used to be the same until I started going to church and getting my head together. I got married within 6 months of meeting my husband and we have an amazing, God-led relationship.

[@codywarhawk7099]

That was a smart man, honestly.

[@IYeleven]

A lot of guys will waste ladies time by telling them to “wait and see where it goes even after 6 months have passed.” This is why never stick around for guys.