David Brooks | How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

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Acclaimed for his ability to “elevate the unseen aspects of private experience into a vigorous and challenging conversation about what we all share” (San Francisco Chronicle), David Brooks has written an op-ed column for The New York Times since 2003. Also a writer for The Atlantic, he formerly served as an editor and columnist at The Weekly Standard and The Wall Street Journal. He frequently appears on PBS NewsHour, Meet the Press, and NPR’s All Things Considered. His books include the bestselling Bobos in Paradise, The Social Animal, The Road to Character, and The Second Mountain, which posits that those who embrace lives of deeper commitment and service to others find greater fulfillment. In How to Know a Person, Brooks offers a creative guide for truly looking another person in the eyes and, through them, understanding something deeper about ourselves.
Recorded November 1, 2023
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The views expressed by the authors and moderators are strictly their own and do not represent the opinions of the Free Library of Philadelphia or its employees.

[@mdavisscadedu]

After watching this video, I went to the grocery store with the intention of looking at each person with love. The interactions I had with unknown people were extraordinary. So deeply satisfying.

[@321alison]

Wow. Great experience. I’m gonna try it at my work.

[@younoseeit]

Yes. Loving you heals me!❤

[@marjorieprintz2468]

I very much enjoy talking to people at the grocery store.Recently, got a few phone numbers but i realize that becoming there friend is easier said then done.But I'm still hopeful.I will work harder to see the person and let them know i care.

[@shirleyfrost9909]

So wonderful. Gonna do so tomorrow. We need each other

[@TH-eb5ro]

I can't remember where I learned this habit but every day I try to connect with one person. I did this even when living outside of the US. I have had some experiences that still cause me to pause.

[@TiagoDCV]

"In every conversation respect is like air. When it's present nobody notices. When it's absent it's all anybody can think about." 👌

[@natasharostova5186]

same with common sense being like a deodorant: most noticed when it's not used

[@nomadicam]

Oh man. Say what you will about wasting time on KZbin. This morning I woke up and thought, "I will not click on any video, I will not watch anything" and I failed to keep that promise to myself and I'm so glad I did because this is exactly what I needed today.

[@CherylBerryl]

Me too!!!

[@Ioana.U]

Me too 😅

[@euge.sosa.b]

You're not "wasting time" as long as you thoughtfully curate your content :)

[@DJK-cq2uy]

Fatveffn deal

[@heidisaglund3443]

I think youtube is amazing. Social media on the other hand is a waste, but I'm addicted. Try to stay on youtube as much as I can.

[@dawndragon9179]

“I’m not an exceptional person, but I am a grower”. Incredibly powerful and inspirational.

[@ryanallison4000]

“A society that grows more sad is a society that grows more mean” That hits.

[@OldJackWolf]

Worse is when society goes hungry. And considering climate change, that's an even bigger concern, IMHO.

[@memelc5655]

I just watched “lost in Yonkers!! “Sadness becomes meanness is the plot of the story 😮

[@dianeibsen5994]

Underneath anger is sadness

[@jeffreyplatt-cq8ob]

Why ? What are people afraid of. Other people. Because they do not take the time to get to know them. And realize we are all very much alike !! They are afraid of being hurt by them. A culture of fear. That was made so much worse by the pandemic. 😢 I have been an admirer of David for 20 years. I have always identified with his being. We have a great deal in common from a thinking and emotional way of living a life. My love to David. May his wisdom catch on to others 🎉😊

[@SUZSMITH]

It says a lot about so many things about western societies. We have lost our sense of community, compassion and care towards others. 😢

[@garrettmeadows2273]

Dale Carnegie said if you can get a person to talk about him or herself, that person will walk away thinking you're the greatest conversationalist they've ever met. There's nothing people like more than talking about than him or herself.

[@zengal5685]

I tried Dale’s approach. It’s absolutely true. But I also learned to train everyone around me to be complete narcissists in the process of employing his technique. It became exhausting.

[@LeoMajors]

What a hopeful life story his is. Being a closed-off, unemotional person, and learning to change that well into adulthood. It should give us all hope.

[@kalebjacobs111]

Imagine if in school they taught lectures like this; society would be much better, and we’d be learning actually USEFUL information.

[@kimjongchill114]

Hello dear, it is not the job of the school to teach the students how to behave, the ground base is the family. If parents do not teach their children how to behave, no teacher could do (i know what i am talking about). First of all the best example to teach our own children is to show our own right example , WORDS DO NOT TEACH, only examples following by doing good ACTIONS like compassion, kindness to everyone etc. etc. Blessings from Cambodia 🙏 Much Love

[@ericagardens1234]

everything a child learns is the wrong things. everything is backwards. the school doesn't teacg anything. it breaks your spirit with relentless torture. stuff your brain full of nonsense that has no practical use. i could he done Anything else with my first 18 years of life and it would have gotten me more skill.

[@lindabishop9407]

Yes! It’s a must what a beautiful must to share!

[@kalebjacobs111]

@@kimjongchill114 this has nothing to do with behaving. These are useful tools that the parents were never taught in the first place so they couldn’t teach their kids if they wanted

If the pupils are respected the like to be teacher.Also If they can tell about their own concerns.

[@abeechr]

“Each person is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to get to the bottom of.” Thank you David Brooks for my new mantra.

[@lisamoag6548]

Some times they are just a pile of poop.

[@jordybpeterson9046]

@@lisamoag6548lol thanks I needed to laugh

[@Butterflybanter]

...a mystery you will never ever get to the bottom of.

[@tacitHope]

I am an ELA special education teacher. I appreciate his point regarding learning about humanities through the arts and it’s benefits. I want to teach my students to be Illuminators because they make me feel like an illuminator.

[@KJ-lb4tj]

...or a mystery to try to understand. Everyone wants to be known deeply and to know others deeply

[@ashrafalam6075]

Respected, I am Ashraf Alam 70, Pakistan, Muslim, First introduced myself enabling to understand my thoughts. It's a wonderful presentation. Will read your book soon. You have discussed 2 words, Bonding and Bridging. You are very well aware about Psychological issues in West. The basic reason is they don't follow these words. Psychological diseases have only medical treatments on medication subsequently generating business for Pharma. If you visit Poorest Countries and then there Poorest neighbourhood. These people are enjoying and content in their lives. No Psychological issues because in all those places Bonding is primary life style. They know how to make Social Bridge also. In Italy Piazza was the same thing for public Gossiping and settlement of local issues. Identical approach is still exist in Asia and Africa. In your knowledge that Pope asked to make Bridges instead of Walls. If World Leaders understand these 2 words and start practicing in their life majority of disputes settle in hours. Congratulations for such a fantastic work. God Bless you and your family

[@Cocoisagordonsetter]

Ease creates different problems. (Depression)

[@ashrafalam6075]

@@Cocoisagordonsetter There is a price for living any starta. The word ' Comfort Zone ' minimise your price. ( Price is not only Financial, Social etc etc). Everyone try to find out own Comfort Zone.

[@lindam4259]

@ahrafalam6075 Well said! Years ago, Mother Theresa said something similar, to the effect that in the US people have bigger refrigerators, etc., but they seem to be the loneliest people on earth! Materialism is the dominant ethos here and extreme inequality fuels the anger we see.

[@kimfish1]

Your words Changed my life.

[@richardlittlejohn257]

Very, Very nice, Will Share This

[@Michelle-cn9zp]

I’ve been mistreated and neglected so much that it’s hard for me to connect with people. I wasn’t always this way. I became this way gradually and I desperately want to change it. I have not had the best experiences with therapist.

[@naturalobserver]

As an introvert, I had never thought of myself as a diminisher because I don't regularly question other people and can often keep to myself. This has motivated me to make more of an effort to connect when in the company of others.

[@psycheread3258]

When this beautiful soul was introduced as a former conservative columnist for the New York Times, I almost clicked away. His speech really showed me the way to question my bias toward conservatives. To regard everyone you meet with just and loving attention is what the world needs most right now. Thanks for opening my eyes and heart.

[@dgs1001]

That's exactly why I have a bias against liberals and the far right... very closed minded. Kudos for breaking out of allegiance to predigested group think.

[@rambleon2011]

Brooks has an ugly soul, one devoid of compassion for the middle class who have been screwed over year after year by filthy rich elitists like himself.

[@fairy5668]

@@dgs1001The whole point of all of this was to NOT be biased lmao

[@CherylBerryl]

This society has been purposely Brainwashed Against one another! "Divide and Conquer" is a technique used in order to keep everyone's attention away from Who the REAL Enemy is, and what they are doing to us, & society; it's called the Hegelian Dialectic.

[@xpez9694]

@@fairy5668 I think you missed Psyche's point that they shared how the lessons in the video revealed their own weakness that they are open to changing.. Basically they shared how this talk was a revelation to them and taught them something about themselves. Which is something to consider in yourself in your judgement of others...

[@marybridgethunter7029]

We need more of this kind of rhetoric. Our souls are starving for meaning. Thank you for growing and encouraging humanity.

[@sandrabradley289]

He had me in tears when he said to look in the eyes of the stranger and see God - which we all are - what a powerful loving being this man truly is.

[@garygropper6750]

No

[@docborot2671]

whats even more interesting is that he mentioned all religions in that line except the one that actually says to greet everyone as if god exists within them. very interesting

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

​@@docborot2671which one?

[@sandrabradley289]

@@docborot2671 That is because seeing God in everyone is NOT a religion, it is a way of life, a state of BEINGNESS...religion is organized by others who want you to believe they have a better connection to God than you do...and it will cost you money... Hafiz, a Persian Poet 100 years after Rumi dedicated one of his books of poetry called ' Gifts ' - "To God, masquerading as us." Need I say more?

[@jaylittle695]

He's not wrong...every human being is a direct connection to God...an extension of God so to speak

[@ccam504]

This is the most uplifting talk I’ve ever heard. Parts of it broke me, especially about people that struggle with depression. I could listen to David Brooks for ever.

[@Anabee3]

Same. David Brooks is one of the extremely few who's every word grabs my attn. He's a highlight in society.

[@greggoreo6738]

Nicely said.. You pay great tribute. Very similar to Carl Rovers: positive regard. HARD to do. Works every Time.. like push ups. They work...not easy. Respectfully submitted for your consideration. Gregg Oreo

[@pamelatanner788]

Me too.

[@jimakirk8998]

❤❤❤

[@happyisthegirl]

You are never alone friend.

[@ppw8716]

Nurse here. Leaving the profession soon because of what your sister in law claims. If I had to begin my career at this time, I wouldn’t last as long as I did. I used to like what I do, but there are many days when I go home just beat and so exhausted and I can’t imagine doing this for much longer. The few times when a pt thanks me, I actually have tears in my eyes.

[@Cocoisagordonsetter]

That's awful. Nursing is such an important career.

[@jaggillar6680]

Its not just the patients lack of appreciation. Its the corporate drive for less staff than required to address the needs of the patients. Less staff, less payroll. Less appreciation.

[@wildhorses6817]

​@@jaggillar6680 Yes, the Corporate Healthcare System Denied Care, Denied needed tests, Needed Labs. People take it out on the innocent staff who do not make the Rules. The Rules FOR PROFIT and THE RULERS OF PROFIT.

[@janebraun4482]

The feeling is that many nurses are there for the paycheck. Few these days really seem to have real empathy.

[@Cocoisagordonsetter]

@@janebraun4482 First and foremost they are there to support themselves and their family. REAL EMPATHY isn't part of the job description.

[@scammersnightmare]

He was so generous and didn't hold back for his knowledge from his book. Didn't even ask us to buy his book. What an amazing human being!

[@thomasgriffith2953]

Completely agree. I 👍

[@russellstone9056]

But a horrible salesman. 😂

[@crypton_8l87]

Lol

[@Selsmittenxo]

​@@russellstone9056opposite actually. Reaffirms my decision to get it!

[@karenlynch8348]

Yet I want his book! On average ppl recall 5% of what they hear & 75% of what they read

[@erickane7093]

This is by far, the best KZbin video I’ve ever watched. Wisdom of an elder, a life changer, an elevator of consciousness.

[@IHGChick]

I am 73. This is one of the most enlightening talks I have ever heard; I learned so much from it, things I wish I had known when I was 25, 20, 15..... And beyond that, what a wise, engaging, wonderful person this man is. I'm going to get his book immediately and recommend it to everyone I know. Sir, you brought me to tears of gratitude for life, as chaotic as mine has been, and the chances that I have left to see and be seen.

[@jennyjenny3531]

God bless you

[@zvo3783]

we see you

[@ombaliomvideos]

I am amazed and breaking into tears to see in the comments how most of people are craving for being more loving with each other in their life ❤

[@Sarie2727]

Me too

[@beepbop6715]

“There will be no punishment here. You’ve just had an experience” hit me so hard for some reason and I almost bursted into tears. Overall a great life flipping thing to have listened to

[@blondechannel]

Sounds like you value care, compassion and consideration. You may be needing some of that for yourself, which is why it touched you. Peace to you and your heart...

[@darrendencklau8161]

I saw a very similar situation with my father and my older sister when I was really young. It is one of my favorite memories of my dad.

[@SUZSMITH]

My friend and I both cried. We didn’t watch it together, but we both had the same response to so many parts of it. It was beautiful beyond measure.

[@patrickahern3129]

​@@blondechannel 322

[@patrickahern3129]

​

[@lydm8064]

His laugh tells me all I need to know about him. A genuine human being.

[@cathyrehill3876]

I had just said aloud to myself, " I love his laugh."

[@Logiconfire]

Quite chatty as well.

[@Bellathebear777]

Lol, Thank God!❤​@@Logiconfire

[@Paulaatmdbqdotnet]

"Attention is a moral act." 💗 Love that! 💗Thank you! 💗

[@tomsparks6099]

Having lost a lover to suicide and recently my husband to cancer, (and getting sober), I realize that the only path for me now is in service to others. My losses are my strength and I have come to be more compassionate and understanding of human trammels, less judgmental and open-hearted. I can only help others who are troubled to help them find peace, and in that I find peace without pomp but with humility and grace. Everyone has human sadness and emototional turmoil deep inside, anyone who denies this is hiding and reactive with anger, resentment in self-protection when their best bet is to share. Not opening up to one another is a missed opportunity on any given day, moment.

[@mgd6087]

My condolences. May your heart always remain open.

[@Bonnie-dq7cz]

Fear

[@Logiconfire]

The best path is to God through Christ.

[@user-gz3bw1so7g]

[@nataliehessler6463]

Even in our closest relationships we are unknown. We are mostly surface talkers . Enjoyed your presentation.

[@pattychan818]

So true, even a lot of nice people are one sided conversationist. All they want to do is talk about themselves continuously with poor listening skills. i think most people want to be seen, heard and understood but you have to be ready to do the same.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

Well that's only your fault if you don't try to make your relationship deeper. If you try and the person is not ready for it or not willing to listen at all, then you have a choice to make.

[@evadebruijn]

​@@pattychan818'you get what you give' would certainly be nice to be truth, after finding yourself being audience again and again and again after interactions here and there! ✌️

[@Erin-uz2gf]

That is so sad, but you're right. I have only a couple of friends in my life at this point, for that reason, and they are people that I can have real talks with, share who I really am with, and I want them to share who they really are. It's our choice who we give our precious time and energy to. We all deserve deep connections in our lives.

[@EllaBella-76]

@@pattychan818•Yes my son likes to start debates sit back and listen his teacher said he has me scratching my own head wondering what the correct response or even thinking where did that come from I need go and research this ,kindness my dear is never a weakness and never to socially stereotype anyone.He is just 14 Years old nearly 15 .Don’t let your hopes and dreams die my dear .People are quick with insults we can’t all join them or the entire world will be toxic.Sometimes though me and my brothers sit back listen to our kids 4 Nephews and my son ,but other times I actually get scared for his safety .He is Sri Lankan Dad I am white a British with Red Hair ,oh my I have severe depression.PTSD someone told me that housework is therapy when I had Covid .I tell my friend I can’t solve his problem but I will listen and always hear him that it’s ok not to be happy all the time (Along with my Son I use the same ethos )Happiness,Sadness and Grief ,Anger ?That it’s ok not to be ok you can’t all be brain surgeons you can’t or should not stress so much that you think that everything you do is a failure it’s a knock back ,but I will always be there to listen ..Patty I wish you happiness ,health and love even if it’s tough to find ..

[@IB4UUB4ME]

Now I know why I came to like to hear him speak in the news, there was something about him that I was attracted to, the way he respected others and how he was inquisitive and wanted to understand why or what they meant or what they were saying.

[@videodyke]

What he said about depression is SPOT ON. It's not ideas that are missing....it's energy and other things.

[@chilloften]

Passion, desire, reasons.

[@EvesRevenge]

I often catch eye contact with ppl in public which brings a smile to my face and it’s contagious…they smile back it is the most beautiful feeling…a connection and knowing without words…pure and natural connection…

[@delializarraga9638]

“Each person that you meet is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery you’ll never get to the bottom of” What a profound quote. Thank you for this enlightenment. Dear God, help me to become more of an illuminator, as I go about my day, starting with my spouse, my children, my grandchildren, my neighbors, and so on…

[@LivingConsciously707]

Or, each person you meet is a reflection of you. Change you and you change the people you meet.

[@user-to6nk8sf6u]

Yes, it is such a good and nurturing thing to do. Especially for children going through all that they are. Amazingly, I found just pausing to listen longer and better created so much more happiness. That is what love feels like.

[@chomperthefirst533]

I think the ability to truly listen is the ability to love. I am a natural extrovert, Christian Catholic. First born of 6. Us first borns have to perform. When a camera comes out we cannot say, I’m shy, I’m not in the mood, I’m introverted. You learn that this is not your choice. You are part of the whole. What you do and say affects the everybody. I loved people. all people. I knew they were each and everyone sacred. Made in the image of God and that we all have unique gifts. I always tried to find out what made people tick. To really know them. I was never good at small talk. To me it is was a veneer and substitute for communication. But I also learned that you always have to meet people where they are at, and sometimes small talk is where their at. 😊 I worked at a residential institution. I learned a lot about how to really see people. How to gain their trust, love them unconditionally, and without judgement - although none of this was my intent, I just wanted to see their humanness: their suffering and joy. What they longed for. Their core. I learned that some people, in order to get in to their line of vision so to speak, you had to become like them in mannerisms. Share with them eye to eye. You need to accompany people for awhile in order to relate to them and ultimately to empathize. I haven’t even watched this video so will shut up! (I’m only at 10:14!)

[@patriciamharris5664]

​@@LivingConsciously707 Good one!!

[@patriciamharris5664]

​@@chomperthefirst533❤

[@r.horton7626]

Wow,he's got the essense of deep depression down correctly. I also loved his idea of asking strangers what their hidden,unused talent is.

[@alvallac2171]

*Wow, he's *hidden, unused

[@wordsculpt]

@@alvallac2171 "Speak for yourself, John Alden." And you have. You, yourself, are both.

[@Chatoyancify]

It's an awkward question for people who don't have a hidden, unused talent.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

​@@alvallac2171dude, I'm a grammar fanatic but that was petty, even for me.

[@poijntxhaisdgcha6004]

that sentence sounds like my i once say have u realize that sometime a stranger will help u but he twisted that way. i dont think , also last time i talk about depression. hope internate stop coyp n stealing no more is kinded of hurtful they show no respect care n ask u first

[@aracelicofield3057]

I was touched how he described his wife as "beholding". Very touching. Very human, the deepest we could be.

[@eulicehooper6340]

“It’s wonderfully liberating to think for yourself.”

[@nathananderson8720]

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my KZbin channel 8 months ago about self development. Now I have 936 subs and > 800 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.

[@-Madelief-]

So good for you! I'm happy!

[@nathananderson8720]

@@-Madelief- Whoever you are, I don't know you personally but I can say that you're one of the non-judgmental and open-minded people who is not fixated on tangible or external factors in order to learn from someone like me. Just because someone doesn't have a piece of paper as a credential, doesn't mean that person is not entitled to share personal experiences with the hope & intention to inspire others. Keep up with whatever it is that you're doing to improve mankind or improving your life even to a slight degree each day. This is just one part of a bigger puzzle for creating my KZbin channel about holistic health. I literally could have died back when I was 14 years old due to major depression but here I am right now replying to you, a KZbinr, who's full of fulfillment and dedication to help others to be a better version of themselves. I ain't better than anyone else but my old self. That's all that really makes this KZbin thing more meaningful and enjoyable. Thanks so much for your support! I am hoping that you can join me with this endless personal development journey! :)

[@-Madelief-]

@@nathananderson8720 Thank you Nathan. 🙏

[@Artyshell53]

_and new subscriber!_ G'day from Western Australia 👋

[@nathananderson8720]

@@Artyshell53 Thank you! What I really focus on is the value of the content and what I’m truly passionate about while helping others! I'm glad that I'm foolish enough to believe that I can actually start making money through my passions. I've never thought that I'd be able to gain more than 2k subs faster. I can't imagine how many opportunities could have been wasted if I didn't have courage to go after them. That includes having this channel, being in a management role, having the people who actually care about me for who I am, freelance gigs, being an ambassador in a creative community and now I'm also planning on honing my public speaking skills through joining a toastmaster club and these all happened in 2023. It started with writing them all down on a piece of paper. A paper that serves as a reminder for me to go after what I want even through hard times. I'm not bragging about my accomplishments but simply hoping that this message can also inspire others to believe in themselves.

[@DSheffield68]

This is a tonic. A balm. As you were speaking about attention, I was reminded of Mary Oliver: "Attention is the beginning of devotion." I am deeply grateful for the gifts you have shared here, Mr. Brooks.

[@George-ie1si]

I don't know why but I hardly understood what he was talking about, I have read many comments who all say how fantastic his talk was. I just didn't get it, but I will listen again, and again, as I think that for me to understand him, will be of greatest benefit to me.

[@susankovach8927]

Those with adhd have a thinking problem in conversation. Perhaps this is a big reason for the problem with people not conversing well

[@SG-jh8ff]

This is the most eloquently articulated compliment of a comment I have ever read. Thank you 🙏

[@sheilagilchrist9167]

​@@George-ie1si😮

[@LivingConsciously707]

@@George-ie1si That's because it didn't make sense to you and that's good. Mr. Brooks has this all backwards.

[@fl3522]

Relating the bridesmaid hugged in the knowledge of her loss, brought me to tears. Thoughtful people are so very precious. Thank you David, this talk was special

[@sweetwillow028_]

I can listen to him for hours. I came across one of his talks soon after my mom passed away. One thing he said was that when pain doesn't get transformed, it gets transmitted. It hit me right then. And I realized the best way to get through the pain is to face it on and let myself feel the all-time low. Through that time, there was no more ego, but I was like a child again, being able to see clearly, be open-minded, and grow again… more deeply rooted as a human being. Serving the community makes me happy, and slowly, without even knowing, I was out of my grieving phase. To this day, I sometimes come back to watch that video to get new inspiration.

[@joycejenkins5126]

I’ve followed David on PBS, for years! NEVER heard him speak this personal way! He’s very good at sharing his thoughts and experiences 👍🏿

[@nrs6956]

Generally have found Brooks the low point on PBS. Mark Shields was much more pointed.

[@kooale]

jj - Same here, decades, several! He's come a long way, a remarkable individual. I'm very impressed with Brooks.

[@kooale]

He was a great foil to Shields, who was no rocket scientist either back in the day. Brook's has really gone places over the decades, he has my respect now when he once had only my attention.@@nrs6956

[@joycejenkins5126]

@@kooale he’s found himself in a more serious way!

[@arliepics4364]

David Brooke's demeanor has always brought me a deep feeling of calmness. He is so thoughtful and decent. I could rest my head on his shoulder metaphorically. I was sad to learn he also hides sadness. Bless you, David. What a kind person, May your life bring you what you need and what gives you peace. You are one of a kind. So happy you are here.

[@bridgetcull2459]

😮😊😅😅😅😅😅😊😅😅

[@bettycarolan6663]

What a beautiful comment 💜

[@ClumsySmurfett]

This is the first time I've ever heard of David Brooks... what a wonderful insightful, touching talk... I will carry this with me forever. Thank you ♡

[@DJK-cq2uy]

Wow🎉🎉😂😂

[@Bellathebear777]

​@@DJK-cq2uy see. You did make a difference. First for me as well. Zero to nun conversational skills, but now I'm going to learn, the questions. Ty

[@conniekoudela]

What a magnificent Illuminator!!!! The WORLD needs MORE!!!!

[@cherylmorgan3925]

The description of knowing your wife is incredibly moving. What a blessing to have you give this speech for all of us to ponder. It is such a difficult time we live in - a horrible disconnect from one another. Thank you for bringing me to tears and giving me a bit of hope.

[@ornelashtembari18]

I’ve followed David Brooks for a few years now and I have come to appreciate his insights and deep thinking. We need more journalists like him that can communicate with so much eloquence and clarity.

[@davehanson199]

You’re crazy

[@emmanuelnwangwa1950]

Or 😊pl😊 O😊pppl😊

[@emmanuelnwangwa1950]

@@davehanson199 no😊or ooo

[@patricia7434]

For that matter, we need more PEOPLE like him!

[@gliberty42]

I've got to say, although I always found him likeable, I used to see him as a bit surface level, often superficially correct or having a mainstream reading of policy, but nothing special. But this is really profound and clearly he has really grown as a person and is sharing those insights and his personal journey and personal story, with details. It makes him relatable, and gives his insights context, makes it all more interesting and memorable. I am truly impressed and like him a lot more now. .... I too have grown and changed my views - on policy and personally - and it is always inspiring to see others share their growth in whatever form it comes. We must all be open and willing to rethink and to change as we learn - though first we must be willing to listen and learn.

[@bettycarolan6663]

Absolutely loved this talk so much I’ve been busy all morning sharing it to friends and family. What a wise beautiful man. We all basically want to be seen and respected. Sending love and warmth to everyone who listens to this amazing man. ❤

[@user-sx9lb1uv5m]

The book is good too! But having the book and talk…🎉❤

[@-Madelief-]

Hi Betty, David's talk did also raise the urge of sharing within me. So nice to read you did too. Thank you for you contribution! Bless you.

[@josephgoldenberg9149]

I’m 28 years old, I’ve been watching you on PBS every Friday night for multiple years now! I miss Mark Shields (may he rest in peace), I learned a lot of interpersonal skills watching the interactions you guys had, even when you disagreed.

[@pamgessler5923]

What he is describing here is ministry, compassion and love.

[@TheOGJLaw]

The universe is always able to smack me (a well-meaning smack) across the face like Cher does to Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck -- "snap out of it!" -- with such obvious synchronicity as to be a clear sign of our interconnectedness and some unseen force guiding our stories. I have been in a depression for several years now that has made little sense to those around me, has challenged my ability to hope, has challenged the patience of friends, family and coworkers, and that literally caused many of the pillars of the life i had constructed to collapse. I am finally beginning to emerge out of the muck and stumbled upon this, which is beautiful and profound and something I needed to hear right now. David made me feel seen. Seeing that it was recorded on my birthday is the smack in the face that I referred to --- a great cosmic pat on the back for making it through, Thank you.

[@-Madelief-]

Likewise, here. Thank you for your sharing your personal story. With deep gratitude, Marguerite

[@babaktaghavi497]

Listening to this made me breakdown and cry so many times, because it touched me at the core. Truth is always liberating. Thank you David Brooks

[@margueritendi7033]

The trio David Brooks, Marc Shield ( ✝️ 🕊) and Judy Woodruff have revolutionized tv news for me. As an immigrant who doesn't have English as her 1st language, and who tries to understand and learn about US history, politics and culture, they've never failed to enrich me in a subtle, polite and polished, human, yet extremely informative way. I was always looking forward to PBS Friday eve news. I'm a millennial, by the way

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

PBS has Definitely been captured by the liberals.. it used to be unbiased. It's not anymore. I'm someone who watched PBS for decades and I've seen it shift to a liberal platform.

[@pedro97w]

They are giving you a biased perspective from the Left. Trust me. Listen to some Conservatives too, these guys are just purebred DC hacks

[@kooale]

What a great statement. Cool. Thanks!

[@-Madelief-]

Hi Marguerite! Nice to see my name online! Hahaha. Eventhough on KZbin it says Madelief, my birthname is Marguerite. It's a rare name in my environments. It love my name and therefore I love you too. You made me curious. I never heard of Marc Shield and Judy Woordruff, but will definitely check them out. Thank you.

[@judim.9046]

Same here, I have loved their shows and presentations from the first moment I got to know them❤

[@roxanneb6208]

I live in a very small, rural town and have experienced so much of what he spoke about, regarding how bad people treat others. It felt comforting to hear his reasons why they do it. Another part of his talk brought me comfort because my mother just recently passed away and I don’t have much of a support system. Thank you David.

[@Elizabeth-arb22]

May you find peace and comfort at this challenging time. I hope that even the words of a stranger will provide you with a measure of solace.

[@roxanneb6208]

@@Elizabeth-arb22 Thank you Elizabeth, they do.

[@umibrahimibrahim4966]

Choose the best either printed words or humans.

[@patriciamharris5664]

Roxanne.. My condolences ❤

[@Joanne-wx1pj]

Roxanne, I am pleased to hear you found comfort from David's talk. As for your own personal sad loss - I am sending you heartfelt condolences

[@anneheffernan2351]

You could easily pass as a stand up comedian. Love the honesty

[@mtlicq]

Bob Newhart style

[@jaseayathorai3762]

A naturalist in humour.

[@michiganlighthouse]

Shared with my 24-year old granddaughter. I am discovering, via her, that Gen Z & Baby Boomers have many philosophies in common. We're not that far apart in core beliefs. We've simply grown up with different influences. We talked generations for a bit. I described mine, my parents' and my grandparents' as - I - experienced them. Just quick, personal impressions. Her immediate conclusion was this (paraphrased): each generation had their own unique rebellion against social restraints, wrongs, injustices. Each was attempting to make a better life for themselves. This nugget from a 24-year old. Non-judgmental. Not critical. Humanity could be encouraging these young folks, being better examples ourselves. What it takes is getting back to the basics of living a fair, BALANCED existence.

[@livinginresonance]

“These skills, from the first gaze to the conversation to hard conversations amid conflict, these to me are the essence of moral life.” ~ David Brooks

[@cf8595]

Problem is, I'm one of the ones who is curious, asks questions, wants to deeply understand because I want that so badly from others (completely emotionally unavailable and non-validating family). I gave and gave in the hopes I'd 'be the change' and be seen too. I am now burned out, exhausted, and I had to shut out everyone for whom I had become their container. I literally ran away from that life (work, family, town) and currently live on my own and rarely go out while I recover. I do have three very close people who can have balanced conversations, and are curious about my life and my thoughts. On towards more friendships and environments that are mutually respectful.

[@toddreasor544]

I respect you and your beautiful path.

[@shamparice007]

I love you and send you hugs of Hope....a mum from India 🥰

[@cherylkeller5181]

I came from the same type of family. My parents never talked to me until I talked to them. 😢 They were overwhelmed with 6 kids and moving every couple years

[@patriciamharris5664]

​@@cherylkeller5181❤

[@chilloften]

I so understand.

[@grahamsampson769]

Teaching through storytelling. Powerful.

[@CherylBerryl]

It really engages peoples hearts & minds.

[@yelizaveta1278]

​@@CherylBerryl..and bridging those is "where it's at"

[@bookwoman7803]

As Jesus did!

[@Rebajn]

Such great thoughts & instruction & I’m reminded the Bible teaches all of this. The greatest commandment is to love one another, esteem others better than yourself.

[@steffanykrisniski145]

This is exactly what I needed to hear, THANK YOU. I am in a politically "mixed marriage," I'm a liberal cosmopolitan who speaks 3 languages married 17 years to a conservative-leaning man who has spent his entire life (3 generations back) in the same small rural community and never left the US. Listening genuinely, openly, and with great respect has not only kept us together but also opened us up to a deep and rich understanding of the political "other." This experience has profoundly changed us and we strive to being this openness and humanizing approach into our wider interactions, but we feel so alone in doing so. It's VERY heartening to see this message proclaimed by David Brooks. I hope that more people are inspired and feel the urgency to courageously join the force for humanization!

[@shamparice007]

yes my sister...I am with you 🙏 Let us continue to be Human .....loving all 💕

[@michelebreensimmons5713]

We are in the same situation - but honor and love ( most of the time😂) come before opinions and politics..

[@volvobeliever2427]

Too bad he didn't inspire his own marriage before the divorce. Maybe his new marriage will inspire him until a new hottie comes along.

[@mariasoderberg1366]

Thank you. Profoundly human and humble.

[@Dana9437]

Compelling and compassionate.

[@Dana9437]

but the volume is messed up...I have my volume all the way turned up and still not loud enough

[@madelineasmr926]

This is one of the most refreshing and insightful videos I’ve ever seen and this is coming from someone who has watched thousands of psychology videos and struggled with intense depression. Thank you so much!

[@Green_Godess]

Having just finished watching this I am still processing all of the wonderful gems I heard and felt. As I'm not yet able to articulate a concise statement of gratitude, I'll just say thank you. Thank you 🙏🏾💚

[@allisonkalloo2293]

Transcendent. I was drawn to the video by the compelling title of his book alone, only to be completely enraptured by his masterclass on becoming more authentic versions of ourselves by inviting others to do the same. His examples and inspiration are exquisite. I was also gobsmacked to find out how many of the practices he described I naturally employ in my daily interactions. I feel seen.

[@SUZSMITH]

What a gift!

[@Bellathebear777]

​@@SUZSMITH🙏💖💪✌️

[@amelittaberretta9109]

I strive to be better every day, not easy. I have met endless numbers of diminishes, especially now that I am a much older woman, life having left it’s mark on my face and body. My. Brooks, i so much enjoy your articles and speeches.😅

[@BevLockhart-zo8lh]

Dude, you're awesome. I'm blessed to have stumbled across you today! I am blessed. I suffer from depression often. I've learned to give it to God and pray for deliverance. It's the only thing that works. 😮

[@ruthlanore7364]

I wish I could give this several more thumbs up. Moving and terribly important. Thank you.

[@tacosnachosburritos]

I have grown to really love David Brooks. He is so right about bridging to other people with different opinions or personal outlooks. I tend to be one of those weirdos who loves talking to my seat mate on a plane. It has always given me joy to meet new people and I never had anyone get upset with me for starting a discussion. As a matter of fact people will tell me it made the ride fun. Keep preaching David!

[@-Madelief-]

Hahaha. I can completely relate to that. What a joy meeting strangers can be! Thank you for sharing.

[@broussma]

Thank you! Throughout my career, I have observed a concerning trend of increasing anger in social interactions. People seem more inclined to become easily agitated and quick to express their frustrations. What used to be civil debates and discussions have now turned into heated arguments and personal attacks. This slide toward anger is detrimental to effective communication and cooperation. It is crucial that we recognize this shift and strive to bring back civility and respect in our interactions to foster a more harmonious and productive society.

[@TKCTSTN]

The concept of the "common good" is disappearing.

[@julesfairfax5623]

People rush to be insulted.

[@Guddilove801]

​Interesting huh!

[@Guddilove801]

​At onetime we all globally knew what that meant . But now it's got a manipulated twist to its definition..

[@gordo6908]

​@@TKCTSTN tends to happen with bills of goods

[@edbudzynski729]

David, your intelligence and compassion would make you a great President. In any case God bless you

[@pilargonzalez8442]

Wonderful presentation indeed. Dignity and respect, all humans, all living beings on this planet matter. We still have so much to learn!!! Thank you.

[@-Madelief-]

That is a beautiful word, dignity. More people should be aware of knowing what dignity means and means to be. Thank you for sharing!

[@s.d.crockett486]

One of the best speech I have heard in a long time. ❤

[@bwoodward9564]

Yet, he denies Trump.

[@amorascottREDC8]

Me too… ❤

[@s.d.crockett486]

@@bwoodward9564 Ha. I think the point was besides politics :) I love that people have different opinions, evolving opinions, and it's up to us debate them all. :)

[@Bellathebear777]

I deny the buy dung​@@bwoodward9564

[@bridpentony]

If only…there were more humans like Brooks…what a better world we would live in

[@faridahalihassan8005]

I like what this man says. You have my respect, Sir. I will read your books, I feel I need to. ❤ Like you said, we really don't give each other the compassion we feel we need and that is one of our major setbacks. Thank you, Sir.

[@saraswatkin9226]

Unconditional Love and contentment is all one needs for happy peaceful life. With those two virtues you have enrichment. Discontentment means anger, jealousy, poor self esteem and self destructive by meeting or trusting wrong people. Depression is symptomatic of deeper physical illness produced by stress, bereavement or hormonal imbalance.

[@cathy3951]

This is one of my favorite speeches of all time! Thank you Brooks! For years I've gone through life not feeling connected then one day had an "ah ha" awakening about connective tissue and autoimmune disorders. Rampant in our USA culture. It can start with us. We can be the change for healing/listening.

[@nancyblumel2712]

What is that connection there between auto immune and connective tissue?😊

[@cathy3951]

It seems possible that our emotions could get translated from the emotional body into the physical body. If our thoughts whether conscious or not are saying we're not connected to others or our purpose or even ourselves, our cells could literally react to those statements/commands and respond accordingly (not work in harmony). I realize it's not that simple, but it might be playing a huge role in the malfunction of the body. @@nancyblumel2712

[@kathyduer7108]

What a chrismatic speaker. Thats a gift ! ❤ I really enjoyed him.

[@dameanvil]

00:29 📚 David Brooks, known for insightful commentary, discusses his latest book "How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others and Being Seen," aiming to foster meaningful connections in our lives. 02:23 📝 Brooks shares his upbringing in an emotionally reserved Jewish family, early aspirations to be a writer, and his deeply analytical, observational nature, shaping his career in journalism. 07:42 😢 The country's societal shift towards increased loneliness, rising depression rates, and decreased human connection, leading to heightened meanness and sadness in communities. 09:44 🤝 Lack of essential social skills contributes to societal disconnect; being a good friend, parent, teacher, or colleague requires specific abilities like active listening, offering constructive criticism, and empathetic disagreement. 10:50 🧐 Studies show people's limited ability to accurately understand what's going on in others' minds; becoming better conversationalists involves asking more questions, active listening, and embracing uncertainty. 13:53 👁 The importance of the initial gaze in understanding and respecting others; treating each encounter with reverence and recognizing the intrinsic value in each individual is crucial for genuine connection. 16:10 🎭 Accompaniment involves an other-centered approach to daily interactions, where casual hanging out, playfulness, and simply being present form strong connections. 19:00 💬 Becoming a good conversationalist requires active attention, loud listening, eliciting detailed stories, embracing pauses, avoiding topping others' experiences, finding common ground, and exploring underlying disagreements. 21:45 🤔 Quality conversations stem from asking great questions, a skill often displayed naturally by children, fostering deeper understanding and connection in interactions. 22:11 🤔 Asking questions, even simple ones, can unveil deeper insights into someone's life and personality. 23:23 🛒 Open-ended storytelling questions can reveal unexpected facets of people's experiences and perspectives. 24:33 🤔 Deep questions about commitments, talents, and ancestry can lead to profound conversations. 26:37 🤝 Sitting with someone going through mental health issues requires empathy and acknowledgment rather than suggestions. 29:10 🌍 Engaging in conversations across differences demands standing in the other person's standpoint and asking open-ended questions. 31:27 🌱 Moral life involves understanding others deeply, paying attention to emotional conversations, and respecting differing viewpoints. 32:22 🌟 Moments of feeling seen often stem from small, impactful comments or actions that acknowledge someone's essence. 34:29 🧐 Truly seeing someone can change trajectories and reveal unacknowledged potential. 38:41 🤗 The act of "beholding" someone goes beyond surface traits, embracing their essence and viewpoint. 40:45 🤝 In a dehumanizing era, actively trying to understand and respect others becomes a powerful way to counteract this trend. 43:52 🤝 Acknowledging cultural differences in eye contact or social norms can foster greater understanding and connection. 45:26 🌍 Zara's communal perspective on goals after graduation highlights the importance of community support in decision-making. 46:22 💬 Speaking up for someone's dignity, as Zara did in class, can significantly impact the environment positively. 47:24 🗣 Breaking social barriers by engaging in conversations brings unexpected joy and fulfillment. 49:34 💭 People find immense value in sharing their life stories when asked respectfully, often feeling deeply understood and appreciated. 50:42 🎭 Evolving political views can bring liberation, allowing independent thinking beyond team mentalities. 53:26 😌 Embracing mixed emotions is a profound experience, recognizing the depth and richness they bring to life's understanding. 54:09 🤝 Sharing secrets fosters authenticity, paving the way for genuine connections and a truer self-expression. 55:05 📚 Writing a book often involves cycles of information gathering and self-permission to write imperfectly, taking years to complete.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

Does he address the role of pornography at all? It's a sickness of society and dehumanizing.

[@masudpeach3017]

Thank you so much!

[@kooale]

Wow, what a talent you have! Love it!

[@Goodnews99457]

🙏🙏🙏 Mr. Brooks, the nation desperately needs to hear this lecture, especially now.

[@SG1Olympia]

This is a fantastic talk. Thank you David for your contributions to the discussion of what it means to be truly human.

[@xkdavid1451]

"I will not declare war" what an statement with so many ramifications personal and universal. Thank you, Mr. Brooks, I have followed your political commentaries for many years and I appreciate enormously your timing insight and your witty use of language. Reading the book now ;)

[@-Madelief-]

David is witty, isn't he? Besides the deep hidden truths he shares and makes us be aware of/makes us see, ourselves aswell as others. Thank you for your contribution.

[@siraj4015]

This is the best video i have seen on KZbin. Thanks david brooks, I ain't forgetting you.

[@maramclaine830]

I love it that he's so proud of his inner Teen Girl ! That is EXACTLY how to learn how to be Emotional!! Much ❤️ to All Hang in There. There are Soo many of us who live in a place of Love. I was a Death Duola and have seen humans at their worst and I SEE the Love humans carry inside for Each Other. It's Always those they Lived and Lost who speak to them as they journey home to Source. Don't give up Faith. Walk with Grace Rise in Gratitude. Like our Poet Laurette Joy Harjos says ,We are born with Eyes that can Never Close. We can SEE other's. Also Remember to ALLOW others to LOVE you Back.

[@sunnysweden4691]

David’s laugh is heartwarming.

[@catherinevaughan7522]

Thank you, Mr Brooks, for describing kindness, mindful kindness.

[@laurensanders1677]

The first conservative who has captivated and held my attention with his humanity and insights.

[@zenwarrior3603]

He doesn't sound like a conservative. He actually has empathy and compassion. Wonderful presentation!

[@oldcrow6990]

My soul needed to hear this. Thank you!

[@EdgardoTLopez]

Never heard so much clarity and deep insight i such brief and simple ways on so vital a topic. A lawyer here.

[@bookwoman7803]

Bet it positively changes your interactions!

[@ceeceeh]

You made me realize why I get so much satisfaction responding to posts I read on Twitter, even though I suspect no one is reading them.There is so much ugliness and misinformation on the site that I always do it with the hope that if I change one mind with my non-confrontational informative post, I have done my part to make society a better place. You gave me a lot to think about especially with regards to understanding the people I disagree with.

[@fisher7ofmen]

What an incredible gift you are to the world. ❤

[@TheJourneyofMeditation]

This made me cry, it touched my heart so deeply. I'm buying this beautiful man's book.

[@-Madelief-]

David made me cry too. As you write, he touched my heart deeply. Thank you for sharing! 🙏

[@wooddoc5956]

You hit the nail on the head when you described depression.. It is not like sadness. The switches for fun and motivation just turn off. After 3 episodes in my life I know that feeling doesn't last forever, but I understand why some people can't go on. A good conversation question: What makes you want to get up on Monday morning and do what you do?

[@WinterFlowerchild]

That would not be a good question for anyone who doesn't want to get up on Monday morning.

[@ivegotthis8301]

@@WinterFlowerchild true but as someone who has had depression I think they meant it as “when you’re feeling good”

[@bahaar2825]

The reason why we are depressed is we don't want to connect with others on a spiritual level. We don't want to introspect on a spiritual level.

[@lindascott2008]

@@bahaar2825 I very much want to connect with people on a spiritual level and I place a lot of importance on my spiritual life and focus in on that a lot. Unfortunately, where I live in the countryside in the mts. of Calif., where I moved 20 years ago from a more populated and progressive area, I do not meet other people who are interested in spirituality, or their idea of spirituality is of a set religious bend and they would see me as being someone outside of what their religion considers to be proper in the approach to spirituality. But, I will challenge myself to open my heart more and connect from that place of Universal Love. I do find it hard to get inspired as I am completely alone and isolated by myself, so it is hard to feel inspired to open up to others. There are not really many avenues of interaction with people, except at the grocery store, library and hardware store. I am on a tight budget living on social security retirement and can't afford to spend much on gas to drive elsewhere or eating out at the few restaurants here. I went to a local church, but it was not my "cup of tea".

[@aprileliana]

@@bahaar2825actually the reason people are depressed is because other people are not able to be present with them. Humans are just so removed from being real, being present and being kind.

[@adrianoroyorkshire]

As a teacher and an illuminator, I do feel drawn to people. I am an extrovert and feel good about myself. Some people feel uncomfortable with my interest. I assume they might think I want to take something away from them, something like their trust, fence, or safety. But instead, I just enjoy getting to know them.

[@allbionics]

I love the speech and its so deeply humane messages. As a former refugee, I have seen diminishers and illuminators in all instantiations one might imagine, from jail to high society. And the message is that, if illuminators are roughly 30%, they really have to carry "on their backs" the rest of the 70% of the society :)

[@isabt4]

So powerful and profound, thank you! We all have a need to be seen, so I will work harder at seeing others ❤

[@brenschilling3529]

David Brooks !!! David Brooks !!! David Brooks !!! I love you! You are the best teacher. (Yes I listened and learned). Sharing IS Caring! Thank you for sharing your knowledge, wisdom, caring, great seeing in love and empathy on how to make this world a better place.

[@coachnatalistrydom]

That's what I did, listened and written almost all speech down :) Permit yourself to be a bad writer, that's are the words I needed today, since I am trying storytelling in my life. Deeply appreciated Professor Brooks.

[@user-ec4em5ne2k]

David Brooks---You illuminate us all. Thank you for your scholarship, gift of communication, and humanity.

[@ewalichorowicz4614]

Phenomenal speech! Great use of humor, too. There is so much Truth in your words, David! The way I view it, one look into a person's eyes can reveal so much information, a careful observer can notice many details, even the emotional states, no words necessary. In my 50 years of experience, some people, even perfect strangers can "read" each other. True connection is about an exchange of loving attention, acknowledging each other, our dignity and seeing the world through the eyes of the person we interact with. Thank you so much!

[@TammyMason-uu2of]

That’s how some narcissists are so successful!

[@mtlicq]

@@TammyMason-uu2of I concur. Strangely that is exactly what came to mind when I read ewalichorowiczs comment contents. What is it about that comment brought that red flag?

[@-Madelief-]

To me, that is so true. Thank you for your contribution!

[@dervlamellerick9396]

His book is wonderful with a profound sincere message that needs to be spread- how to communicate! Wow!

[@Theowlhawk]

Beautifully presented ❤ I smile at people, i acknowledge others, i noticed many are cold, more so now than ever. Ireland 🇮🇪 My dog and i have daily eye contact, dogs LOVE eye contact, they thrive, i feel her love, she feels mine. She reminds me to be present. Unfortunately family never allowed me to show up as me. Narcissistic parents, hense sadly no contact for self wellbeing ❤

[@Wise4HarvestTime]

Dude's intro is funnier than most stand up comedy I've heard