Dealing with the INFJs' and ISFJs' Fi Critic - Ep.5: "The Critic's Perspective"

John Bodine discusses how to deal socially with the Fi Critic in INFJs and ISFJs.
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[@nicolasdanek4225]

Yes it is the worst. Makes you believe you are better off dead than alive most days.

[@chazizphat]

honestly, love john, its great having 100% educational content as opposed to Chase and his god forsaken Rants™ (I'm calling you out chase you damned dirty dog you!!!)

[@Floowetic]

I like Chase for his rants. He's a NT, they always jump from topic to topic. Some may not be able to keep up, but doing this, teaches much more than he intended to teach for that video. His explanation are elaborate, and non linear. I love it.

[@honor9lite1337]

​@@dasein9980correct, but I would add an intp too, at least to some degree.

[@tennotsukai87]

Awesome video by John. I hope he does more of these videos for C.S. Joseph

[@Sam-by3kk]

Don't get me wrong I love chase but he's gone off into the deep end at times of recent. This is a breath of fresh air with the clarity and calm approach.

[@typetraft7566]

God, we need more from john bodine!

[@TheSnugglery]

Really looking forward to the introverted perceiving critics

[@re_flow]

20:08 holy fuck, I always had this thought back in my head 24/7, but never had I managed to intentionally put this into words. Thank you for that statement.

[@Sweet_Steve]

Give the INFJ, ISFJ space to share it's critic, and then help reroute the critic. What are the INFJ, ISFJ standards? What are others expectations on the INFJ, ISFJ? Awesome pointers and ways to break the Ni, Ti loop of the INFJ especially. Verifying the beliefs and correcting them if they are too harsh. Also, giving paths and possibilities forward to take action on certain beliefs to feel more worth.

[@davidnotte4424]

I love the statement at 10:30, Te Trickster can conjure up the rational from anywhere. Facts!

[@lauriesimonds9229]

Thanks John - just the video I needed today!!! My Fi critic is a yappy little chihuahua that nags at me all day long. Fortunately my Ti child is a Great Dane that is getting really good at asking, "Who are you to judge yourself by such a ridiculously high, unattainable standard."

[@tomatoe3]

John can you come back with more of this series? I miss you. I can wait a long time if you promise to return. My heart burns for you, xx.

[@mehdihassankhanloo5297]

Thanks a lot man, this is very useful. I'm glad you step forward to give a lecture in front of the camera. (which inspires me to get over my fear someday…)

[@Brickwilliams]

Good way of explaining how it can be too high of a moral standard, “people don’t do as well from your judgment as you do.” Makes sense

[@malakashraf2801]

I thought the solution to worthlessness is to actually look at what people do and actually learn to compare. You might not find you are worthy, but you are probably not worthless. And from there you can move with hope rather than hate. Everyone is like don't compare yourself to people but to yourself. Ehh, not always. And the "i get the right ro make mistakes, too" is 💯

[@broadbandtogod]

I needed this, badly, thx!! ❤

[@brotherlyelk7296]

Beautiful video! Thank you🙏🙏

[@vikascc4824]

You're amazing man!

[@pthfnder450]

Thanks John. Deep, I'm intrigued.❤

[@isabelledinneweth]

Thank you John 🙏. This helps alot

[@cadayx]

Thanks John!

[@typetraft7566]

Infj... This is gonna hit hard

[@NoNamedNobody692]

It shouldn’t be any wonder whatsoever why INJs ❤ ENPs so much. They are what we strive to be internally. Ultimately.

[@Brickwilliams]

The critic is striving to be like the parent? Since when?

[@cynthiajuma9006]

You mean what they need to be complete?

[@Kurucnik]

Thank you. In the past, it helped me to realize that if I don't think about myself in the pursuit of morality then the effort to satisfy Fi critics subsequently let others abuse my boundaries - then I thereby allow them to commit greater evil (And therefore I allow evil in general) than if I had healthy boundaries . So, I've come to the conclusion that Fi is generally not something that can only be criticized.

[@4321lovebug]

I learned so much from these videos i'm happy to be watching again.

[@lessaraebiger]

Awesome, John. A ton helpful. Thank you for this. (the high horse is real)

[@RachelL421]

Great video. Very well presented, Johns informative and peaceful approach makes it easy to accept and learn.

[@Brickwilliams]

Man this whole video is heat

[@annethepaladin3235]

John! This video was so helpful for me! 😮❤ I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to learn from wise people like you I have camaraderie with

[@johnbodine8043]

Thanks Anne -- I feel the same.

[@dr.munkiifukugz9713]

i really enjoy ywr wisdom john........ and i do believe I've seen a progression of yer confidence from the first episode til now like you seemed to almost be worried or on the verge of having a panic attack on the first couple but with this episode complete lack of that said worriness lol 🤟 thank you for everything you and Chase do! ❤

[@johnbodine8043]

Appreciate it.

[@MelikaNasser]

So useful

[@couragecoachsam]

Just thinking as I hear this: it’s sounds to me like this loops occurs where I have gotten stuck in judgment/perfectionism but perhaps that’s my natural attempt to gain clarity. If I can judge every granule then I’ll know what to do and how to do it, right? 😅 I like what you’re saying though about seeking more input as the antidote

[@rahimamohamed6667]

"Expectations" , "standards" this all hit home.

[@Rounder2205]

I like this guy. He is pretty good.

[@greatsouthmarketing8897]

I like this teacher

[@Brickwilliams]

it’s absolutely a maschistic “turn on.” that’s a really accurate way of putting it, until it isn’t though ya know. Can be kind of fun, exciting, and rewarding to be so hard on self, but can also spiral and be not so fun.

[@gaelle5040]

Thank you! I am and INFP with an INFJ boyfriend. He lied to me and I am willing to forgive him but he is not willing to forgive himself! I’ll try to speak Te to get to his Fi!

[@aladdout9454]

what did he lie about

[@Floowetic]

Love this pair!

[@gaelle5040]

@@aladdout9454 He said he was divorced but he is only separated from his wife. He feels bad for lying to me. He also feels bad for abandoning his mariage. I understand given the circumstances (she got into a cult)! I did a bit of research on her Facebook page to make sure it was true. Now that I am aware of the situation, if he wants us to be together he needs to divorce her. In the meantime, we have downgraded to friends. I just want him to make the right choice for himself. The choice he could live with and not just survive with.

[@Sweet_Steve]

He won't ever forget, but he can learn to forgive himself and accept it as a lesson, rather than punish himself. I can relate to this guy very much. Ask him this... Is believing you cannot forgive yourself really a good idea? Won't that hold you back in your life more than actually learning and moving on? Is it really fair to put such a standard on yourself, one you know others might not be able to meet either? Ask him questions like these, get him to re route his thinking and then he can begin to move on. Continue to do this so he doesn't hold on to his beliefs so hard.

[@louisejoel]

INFPs can be so sneaky. I find it energy draining as an INTP to be at the receiving end of their misinformed Fi. Previously thought to be INFP myself and hopefully not. They must be the most self destructive types. Suppose the INFJ had an affair as lust is apparently their deadly sin. I am terrible at MBTI so don't take my random thoughts personally or seriously.

[@phillyjam2018]

When my critic is activated and if i get to the point of wanting to cry it does help sometimes when my husband challenges my feelings lol. Cuz they actually have no basis at times. Or sometimes im just so blinded that im not even able to articulate why my feelings are valid. It will piss me off in the moment when he challenges me but i think later on it makes sense. Or when its something lighter and he reassures me with actual solid evidence that i simply cannot argue against, then i wont being up that issue again unless there is another incident that contradicts it. Thank you for this video i will watch this again the next time i have a major meltdown about my self worth lol. Fi critic really sucks it sometimes makes us feel suicidal.

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

isfjs are worse with Fi critic. they use Fi critic to make value judgement of others. my infp friend said straight after he met me when i was 15, his isfj father said to whole family ‘i don’t like him’. is a shame that lot of managers are isfjs. they use Fi critic to decide if they want you in company or not

[@Brickwilliams]

Oh my “te tricksters can canjur rationale from anywhere, might not make any sense but they can conjure it.” Literally from anywhere, and it usually makes sense to be fair, well sometimes

[@lauriesimonds9229]

True - my trickster is currently trying to conjure up enough rationale to blame me for the war in Israel. It gets ridiculous sometimes 😅

[@lau3003]

You’re content is absolutely dope! Can you just bring more concrete exemples ? My TI critic would like to be sure to understand you CORRECTLY

[@johnbodine8043]

Thank you. I'm always experimenting with better ways to communicate. I'm happy to try to utilize more concrete examples to drive the points home.

[@LonerWolf1224]

Yep, this critic often makes me paralyzed by making me reminding of my faliures and bitter moments in the past.. Sometimes it's really hard to get rid of it.. and also gives me a really.. really.. hard time to have a second attempt for failing first time on something.. Like "Give up already.. You can't get a damn thing right.. You're such a faliure".. At that point only my willpower stood by my side.. as weird as it sounds.. others are like static af.. no support to defend me from my own critic lol.. it sucks btw.. alot..

[@user-gi2gu8vi6z]

John can u make a video talk about differences between infj and isfj

[@mollyeva9460]

I think the critic function and the trickster work on the same axes

[@genkah6458]

This is amazing! aiming for a more balanced Ti approach than Chase's, as sometimes his hypercritical nature can lean towards the negative side haha

[@k.c.sunshine1934]

Great timing for me (INFJ). I have an open prayer that I will be helped to identify the vulnerability that underlies the remaining arrogance that I have been guilty of. Is is correct to conclude that my vulnerability is "childlike need for clarity?" Maybe the vulnerability is due to my unrealistically poor self-esteem?

[@re_flow]

Replying here as notification in case your question is answered

[@yeshmur6401]

Your question is an insightful one to me

[@dennisg.9887]

ESFP here, who studies Mathematics in a masters degree. It’s hard for me, because I lack Ne, Ti and Si (the most useful functions for math and or logic), but my INTJ subconscious helps me to get through it. How can I strengthen my INTJ side, because it puts a lot of stress onto my mind and I feel very depressed over the time? But for non-ESFPs: As a ESFP, i am not lacking intelligence in general. I want to be more into philosophy, math, physics, psychology etc. But I don’t have the power to be consistent, because it puts so much pressure onto my soul, that I have to quit for a while to recharge. I criticise myself for lacking Ti, because the trickster does not allow me to see logic on a deeper level, it’s hard for me.

[@pinklasagna8328]

I am an infp and i kinda understand how struggling subjects like maths and physics can be without Ti. but i'm guessing its even harder for you without Ne. Thats something outside our control. However i suggest that you lay down your chain of thoughts in a piece of paper and take the Te path of doing things. Eating things in big chunks. For low ti users like is, we think better with a paper and a pen rather than with just our mind like high ti users.

[@nodawomh484]

Please do NI critic for infp

[@wilrose4473]

Can we have a video on the Ni critic?

[@Holmefjord93]

Todays Drinking Game: Lets take one shot everytime John says "right" at the end of his thoughts. I thought that was kind of funny, so Just a small note/joke from one Se inferior to another. But much respect man, I know exactly how it is to feel so incredibly insecure and nervous all the time. And you are definitely someone on the right path. Can I ask how old you are John btw? I am just curious. 🙂 Anyways really good Lecture man ! I love the way you explain things, and I am definitely looking forward to more. Great Series !! Keep it up.

[@qavah4031]

I agree Fi critic can have underlying pride. I have seen this pride in myself, its fake humility. Attacking my self worth and value is not humility. It is fear and lack of love. Even though I am partially aware of it at least, it is still very difficult to overcome. This video was helpful. So Fi critic humility is observed in it being childlike and playful? The wise grandparent that has not abandoned hope and joy?

[@hxxzxtf]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:20 🎯 *The episode focuses on dealing with the Fi critic in INFJs and ISFJs.* 01:41 💡 *Fi critics can unintentionally criticize others due to their high self-criticism standards.* 04:40 🔍 *Asking "Who gave you the authority to judge?" can challenge Fi critics' assumptions and reduce self-hatred tendencies.* 05:49 🔄 *Encouraging Fi critics to expand their standards can help them become less self-critical.* 07:12 🤔 *Encouraging introspection about universal standards can help ISFJs and INFJs overcome excessive self-criticism.* 09:54 🚪 *Asking "What is the standard?" is crucial for understanding and addressing Fi critics' self-criticism.* 11:19 📌 *Asking about whose standards or expectations are being enforced can provide clarity on self-criticism origins.* 16:47 💭 *Checking if ISFJs and INFJs are still willing to contribute despite self-doubt can indicate their character development.* 20:54 🌟 *Fi critics emphasize the importance of integrity and quality, urging others to invest more in worthwhile pursuits.* 21:38 💬 *Giving Fi critics the opportunity to share their insights is valuable, akin to respecting wisdom from elders.* 22:21 🛠️ *Providing input and challenging Fi critics can shake them out of apathy and self-assured assumptions.* 23:17 🤔 *Inviting INFJs and ISFJs to share their critical views fosters understanding and can reveal valid reasons behind their negativity.* 23:46 🌱 *The integration of the critic is marked by a more innocent and playful demeanor, indicating growth and maturity.* 24:13 💡 *Fi critics face the choice of accepting the good over perfection, fostering growth and investment in worthwhile pursuits.* Made with HARPA AI

[@RonFlux]

You mentioned that Te Trickster needs clarity, but it is actually Ti Child that needs it (Ti = consistency of thought + understanding). I think you confused them because after you mention to ask "What is the standard", "Whose standard" or "Whose expectation" which nicely reflects extraverted judging functions, a focus on the object (extraversion). So in that case, to get them unstuck from their Ti to indirectly influence their Fi Critic(according to the video), you need to provide Te to them. You mentioned Input here, but Te I also see as a listening function. ISFJs usually need to get their problems out, talk them out with someone else which engages their Fe and Ti. I regularly listened to the troubles of a female ISFJ and she usually told me that she was a lot better after she got it out. It was usually hard to put in my own Ti, as her Ti Child was more important. So to get them unstuck you likely need to listen to them first (Te) and then slowly give them some suggestions. As they are responsible, their Fe Parent is more likely to check on "standards" as you mentioned, but these are Fe standards, not Te. Conclusion: 1. Let the Child do what it wants so soothe it with the help of the Trickster (here Ti Child needs outside help from a Te function to get listened to) 2. Engage the Parent to take responsibility, the parent is open for taking on responsibility (here Fe Parent gets engaged with asking about their (social) standards, to be responsible for them) 3. If the parent found something fitting and is able to engage, then the Critic is resolved automatically. Great! Now I know what I was missing to engage the ISFJ more, their Fe Parent. The issue is just that it couldn't be engaged as it would have meant for her to leave her daughter behind. (She had cancer due to the stress caused by having a baby with an unreliable narcissist which stressed her Si immensely over multiple years, she also had some court stuff based on that dynamic). Fe Parent was actually blocking her in combination with Si not open to try something new. It sounds quite sad that Si users seem to have to hold on and on over years until they finally outgrow something (daughter of the ISFJ will be an adult soon). Se users would just try something new or leave the situation after some time...One protects, one brings change. PS: My 3 step conclusion nicely fits an ISTP. To get them unstuck you need to provide them options first (Ne), then you can ask them to perform, be responsible for the physical comfort of others (Se Parent). If they do, they will feel good as their Si Critic will not act up.

[@user-rx6hy8zi6m]

Hi Chase! I have a question, by your examples that you told for every behaviour that we see in typegrid, can we find the type of somebody? As an example by the example of milk we can find who is informative and who is not?

[@pinkbug8u]

I think my niece is isfj. She's only 8 and recently she's been going through emotional melt downs about hating her tummy. Cause a girl in her dance class has a tinier tummy than hers even though she doesn't really have a tummy herself - she's already skinny. Breaks my heart. I tried various things like introducing logical arguments like everyone is different and has their own time to develop (the other girl is taller) etc..etc..Any other suggestions on how to deal with this?

[@sandradibiaso7316]

I can see why Adam Sandler and Bradley Cooper can be a mess.

[@aq6536]

Could Chase by any chance type these famous people in his next live? Noam Chomsky Benyamin Netanyahu Ben Shapiro Richard Feynman Keanu Reeves Lana Blakely (youtuber)

[@aladdout9454]

im very curious as to how this plays out in ISFJs...does anyone have specific examples?

[@johnbodine8043]

Plays out as an ISFJ or toward other ISFJs, helping with their Critic?

[@sonnyboylng]

Hey, Chase, please also do one for INTP trickster

[@brennerandthefam]

My standard for myself is to follow and live for Christ, others...for a Fe parent Fi critic this lifestyle can be internal suicide at times.

[@DoriterEater]

Working on deeply understanding that everything exists for a reason, has instrinsic value to someone, and in the end everything ends up being as good as it is bad has made me realize that judging things (well, people) is kind of pointless. I do let myself Fi critic that crap out of objects like I am looking for the BEST shoulder massager, "not good enough" "not good enough" "not good enough" "turns out they're all equally shitty just pick one of the top rated ones after ensuring the reviews aren't all bots or sponsored."

[@DoriterEater]

Boy howdy do I struggle to show gratitude and apologize. I am very much a w.i.p.

[@ThisEvilBunny]

Does John have a channel/site too?

[@johnbodine8043]

Not yet :)

[@nerdhub3460]

24:20 min, you mean "the perfect the enemy of the good"?

[@johnbodine8043]

That's the one.

[@chrishillswrites6442]

you have such a pleasing voice. But it makes it hard for some reason to pay attention. I don't know why, but Chase's offensive nature gets me to listen to him more

[@saraalmajed8877]

Do infjs ( depressed one especially)daydream a lot ? Or it’s an infp thing?

[@saraalmajed8877]

Also being unsure sometimes

[@simransingh-lr7qb]

I have Fi critic, I still don’t understand how do what you said.

[@LonerWolf1224]

When you feel down by your own critic and no one's there to help you, ask yourself what's the reason for it.. After you find the reason.. Then look at other people and try to "rationalize" yourself with using some fair references.. to attack against that reason.. Then ask yourself whether that standard that you having is really necessary or not.. Try to open your eyes through your own brain fog by using your logic and looking how other people deal when they deal with something that happened similar to you.. it's like comparing yourself with other people.. But in a fair and square way..

[@simransingh-lr7qb]

@@LonerWolf1224 thank you

[@theboysclubofficial]

Please make a VIDEO on Toxic people of every type.

[@CSJoseph]

Then watch all my videos, it’s in there

[@theboysclubofficial]

@@CSJoseph yes I am a binge watcher now. But on reddit I feel there is so much misconception about the toxic versions. For eg. They say ENFJs are Manipulators when i my experience it's the ESTPs who are the worst Manipulators. Like I want you to specifically talk about Toxic versions of each type. Now its mostly clubbed together with something else. And it is also very Contextual. Which is good. But i wish i had something on broader level. Like how do they behave when they are depressed, disgruntled, angry, desperate etx

[@pinkbug8u]

😂 what are you talking about? that's all CS Joseph talks about in every one of his videos. The toxic version of each type. Lol

[@louisejoel]

Can someone with borderline personality caused by PTSD have more than one type? Also, how can you know what type you are when in a persistent shadow or other unhealthy mode?

[@CSJoseph]

No, learn Octagram

[@starbubo26]

Can you do a series on the 16 types in relation to Vanilla , kink, fetish and BDSM? Please

[@ageofanomaly3874]

Thank you this one hit home. 😒 stupid Fi critic

[@chriskozak7356]

Fi critic is the worst critic

[@simransingh-lr7qb]

I swear to god it is

[@DizzyLuv0]

And I would guess Ti critic must be hard too tbh... idk how it is to have Ti critic but seems hard as well to have to overthink things lol :P

[@GetYossedLol]

Introducing ni critic

[@DizzyLuv0]

@@GetYossedLol I think Ni critic is cool but idk, how is it to have Ni critic for you?

[@Carmellalovespink]

Absolutely. So glad I don’t have it LOL.

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

this is why i tend to stay away from ifjs

[@brennerandthefam]

My standard is Christ... For a Fe parent Fi critic.. it's miserable.

[@feelsrestricted8322]

Watching this since my dumb INTP ass went and developed a crush on an ISFJ 😃

[@aparnadas359]

Fi critic is the worst ~ Fi critic

[@cynthiajuma9006]

Couldn't agree more -Fi child

[@user-gi2gu8vi6z]

Question for chase , is Angelina Jolie estp? Or infj ?

[@CSJoseph]

ESTP

[@sarahm8884]

This made zero sense to me. Im an infj all Fi critic is doing is having a value system and standard and looking for itself and others to abide by and model that standard Isfjs fi critic is usually about equality, being a “good girl”, feminism, being strong and independent, body positivity, “diversity”, ambitious, no obscenity, not being weird, so they will want to “cancel”/shame/ignore/ban/shadow-ban/punish/bully/alienate/correct/maim/jail/drug and yes even k*ll anyone who doesn’t meet the standard of their value system with Te trickster. The value system and standard is usually based on whatever the dominant ideology of the current time is. whether it’s Christianity/Muslim/right wing/ left wing/ lgbtq/ etc. As an infj I feel punished bc my te trickster bears the most punishment of not meeting the current standard of the dominant ideology. I endure the worst alienation and bullying, constantly looked down on told I’m stupid and worthless and I’m homeless in survival mode. I’ve been completely “cancelled” since like middle school.

[@lauriesimonds9229]

Yikes, I'm an ISFJ woman and not like any of those characteristics you mentioned. My Fi critic is completely turned inward towards 'canceling' myself over the smallest infraction. Maybe the deciding factor is whether the Fi critic was raised in a supportive vs. abusive home, or the UD/UF vs. SD/SF component. Either way, here's hoping our Ti child can rationally move us forward!!!

[@aladdout9454]

uhmmmm, he's super cute😍😮‍💨