Depressed Husband vs Codependent Wife

[@danielleblackburn4095]

I appreciate the conversation, even vague, about your own relationship. I think its easy to think your, or a therapist’s, relationship is close to perfect so its nice to hear about your own arguments, frustrations with your spouse, or experiences, to better gauge our own.

[@charitydixon7828]

Someone telling you to just "get over it" or just "push through and do it" when you have depression is like being locked in prison and someone telling you to just "walk out the door".

[@lisatitirangi]

What a wonderful conversation. Tysm to the Patreon who sent in this question

[@s.melonita4454]

Bob always stops me in my tracks with his wisdom and vulnerability! I hope he regularly reads the comments. I cried. What an incredible person you are, Mr Goettle! No wonder the Doc and you found one another ❤

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, he reads the comments! I've been getting him to read them more often. He really enjoys reading your thoughts and reactions.

[@bobgoettle9521]

Wow, thank you!

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

40:00 "Side note, so the first time I saw raccoons...." 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Never change Dr. Honda, never change

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Ha! Tangent Time!

[@Sharon-fc6lz]

I loved that, it made me smile!

[@xxBreakxxAwayxx3]

Makes me think of Terry Real, who talks about how the burden of emotional labor & relational frustration is often left to the wife while the husband has (essentially) male normative alexithymia and doesnt know self care/self regulation (willful incompetence due to uneven social conditioning/standards).

[@mariyamak]

It's really hard to reconcile the logical understanding of how debilitating depression is (even while having had bouts of depression) vs the responsibility a partner in a partnership has to get help and put energy towards a functional relationship. Not commenting regarding the questioner in the podcast, whose partner is in treatment, more asking for a "friend."

[@RaymondJiang444]

​@mariyamak That's why having friends, close trusted family members, or being part of a wider community of people outside of one's relationship is important.

[@ElfInTheFlowers]

The title of this video has been my life for the last 15 years. I absolutely love my husband, it has been so hard. I kind of want to write a lot here but will take notes for my next therapy session. DKH’s videos have already helped me so much, especially with deescalating arguments, apologizing and taking accountability on the daily. This video is touching on something I live everyday but haven’t heard much on, maybe because it is so subtle and mundane.

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yes. You're not alone. I have many clients and many friends in this situation. That's why I know how hard it is -- for both involved. It's rough and unrelenting. I'm sorry you're going through that.

[@haileyoslund]

40:15 I work at a raccoon rehab in Colorado and I love them deeply. It made me so happy to hear you both discuss how fun and interesting you find raccoons. They are so smart, curious, adaptable, and brave; all characteristics I work to embody. Thanks guys. 💜

[@jesamienoodles8918]

CIMBS Therapy was awesome for me. I'm glad you guys mention it.

[@Lurgotpa]

I'm sorry to spring this question over here but I can't remember which video Dr. Honda referenced it! Does anyone recall the name of the author that had written two books that he recommended (I believe they were more of technical heavy books). I believe he said one volume was named "Hope", the one volume was "Loss". I can't remember if there was a third volume, making it 3 parts, or if it was just these two. If anyone can help answer my question I deeply appreciate it 🙏🏻

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

I'm so glad you're asking this question. John Bowlby wrote three seminal books that are foundational to the field of attachment theory: Attachment, Separation, and Loss. Much of my worldview is based on those books.

[@Lurgotpa]

@@PsychologyInSeattle thank you so much for your reply Dr. Honda, I really appreciate it! I hope you have a good day 🙂

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

8:20 I don't think it's under the radar after Taylor Swift's the TTPD album, she has so many songs with powerful lyrics about living with her partner's depression. I think the album can be moving and healing for those who can relate. This is from 'So Long London': When you're not sure if he wants to be there So how much sad did you think I had, Did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I'd go? Before I'd self-implode Before I'd have to go be free

[@TheHermitTeller]

Which partner of hers had depression?

[@andiralosh2173]

Opossums also have the little hands 🥺

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah? Fun!

[@ChavdoMnml]

I was such a relationship for 3 years. It was rough.

[@PossiblyKayla]

Oh my gosh 57:50 the accuracy of all the things I have standards for that get in the way of my physical and mental health goals 😫

[@ChantalOfTheNorth]

Oof. The husband sounds like me of the last couple of years. I feel like I drag everyone around me down. I wish I could go back and be the me from 5 years ago.

[@misse7095]

Your advice helped me think differently about my good friend who is Borderline. Thank you.

[@kellystinson6786]

Folks with borderline are exhausting.

[@misse7095]

@@kellystinson6786 They sure are. Her case is pretty bad too.

[@Myself_Yadro]

11:03 bless you Bob

[@maylagesse]

11:32 bless you.