Depression, the secret we share | Andrew Solomon | TEDxMet

Andrew Solomon is a writer and lecturer on politics, culture, and psychology. His latest book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity (2012), won the National Book Critics Circle Award for Nonfiction and eleven other national awards. Far From the Tree tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children, but also find profound meaning in doing so. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression (2001), won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction and was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize.
Solomon is a lecturer in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. An activist and philanthropist in LGBT rights, mental health, education, and the arts, he lives with his husband and son in New York and London.
TEDx Met: Icons -- Andrew Solomon
October 19, 2013

[@ilanapoznanski8638]

I've been trying to explain why I am always in bed to my parents for 3 years. I showed them this video and for the first time ever, nobody needed to talk. My dad cried and my mom thanked me, and then I went back to bed.

[@gabrielromeroguerrero9354]

Have u got out of bed?

[@ilanapoznanski8638]

@@gabrielromeroguerrero9354 thanks for asking! I have recently managed to find a medication that works and soon I will even be able to move out for college!

[@heapsmadgirl]

@@ilanapoznanski8638 that is wonderful! Sounds like you are making strides. Self-advocacy in mental health is so important. I am very happy for you, and I wish you the best in your college adventure :)

[@josiahnm6216]

@@ilanapoznanski8638 hope all is well with you! What medication are you on?

[@KakiztoX]

@@ilanapoznanski8638 I'm so happy to read that you are moving out for college!

[@manuel_cojocaru]

This is the best talk on depression.

[@jiwonkim5315]

I’m pretty sure this is the fifth time i’m watching this but it’s honestly one of the best talks about depression.

[@elizabethharvester6111]

Me too, I have watched this multiple times! He's such a mesmerizing speaker

[@laurawang7156]

I never thought one could love depression like the way he mentioned. Only those who have suffered through it understands the pain and agony that depression brings.

[@ksjxhxbs3926]

i didn’t like the end of talk. I can’t imagine people who love depression

[@dannamadura2035]

Watch Melancholia by Lars von Trier. It makes depression so beautiful.

[@KeiaraEats]

As I watch this in my room, hiding away from the kids, depressed, with the covers over my head...

[@abagailjasper461]

I pray you get through this!! I’m so proud of you for being this far mama💗

[@Silver-Sliver]

Watch this again when you feel overwhelmed. You are not alone, you are human, and your children love you. Best wishes to you.

[@jakeyflakes00]

I hope it got better for you, and if not, know that it can. I’m here for you even if just in this comment thread.

[@SaavyAstro]

Andrew is my cousin and he is a great guy to talk to in person and his husband is really nice.

[@leiahsky4052]

I cannot express how important I feel this talk is, and more of the world needs to see it.

[@sipos0]

The idea of valuing depression is hard to come to terms with. It is so awful and so intolerable that it is hard to imagine anything being worth it - anything.

[@jasminejones9058]

What a beautiful soul so refreshing to hear people like this great man

[@Martina-zn9po]

This is the best talk about depression I’ve ever heard and it honestly helped me understand myself so much more

[@CherieDeDieu]

As a person struggling with depression, it is very refreshing to hear someone explain exactly how it feels. It is indeed a secret we share. Thankfully, exercise (especially weightlifting) and mindfulness are my "friends" and healers at the moment.

[@woahthere7895]

I personally found that picking up an instrument a great “keep going for a little longer”

[@sayantanmukherjee8074]

Life, too bleak to live but too unresolved to die.

[@sabrinetbini8391]

This talk is really important, he touched me with every word. As I suffer from depression myself I feel every word, but what can a person do when they have no support system who understands..

[@counselor_cassy]

It's incumbent upon us to find those supports and build these relationships while we are feeling well so that we have them in place for when we are feeling poorly.

[@normageisbert3947]

,

[@juliapilgrim6074]

Sabrine, I don't know but showing this video to any of the people who don't understand but are around you might help. If only one understand even part of what he days it could be enough to start a change. Two years now since you left your comment so I hope you see this and any other replies and that something or many things come to help you.

[@sabrinetbini8391]

@@juliapilgrim6074 It's true julia, thank u for ur kind words. When I wrote that comment I was in a dark place, but now with help I am better. But about support it was my situation at least, it's hard to pull yourself together when everyone around u tells u it's nothing, u are delusional and making things up. It might sound unbelievable to u but I found more compassion with strangers than family. So yea! As cassy said it is incumbent upon us! But it can take a while. Believe me two years ago I was a different person. I thank u again for ur kind words.

[@chelyhappy7991]

Most people don't understand unless you are going through it yourself or have suffered it before. I have been off and on but it was much worse after COVID-19 hit. Being isolated got me to a dark place. People just think you are lazy or making up things. During this time period I realized I was having an anxiety attack. I thought I was going to die and no one cared. I am so glad you are feeling and doing well now. God Bless you and your support group.

[@feefingirl]

Andrew always helps me feel better when I'm having my darkest days.

[@Nowhy]

feefingirl yeah, he is hilarious :) let's all be happy for him!

[@genegray7131]

This guy is really good. He described depression on point, so detailed.

[@bargil9808]

OMG This man is amazing. This is the first time I've heard someone REALLY describe living with depression in a truly honest understandable all encompassing way. I've struggled to explain to family and friends what it's like at it's worst. Andrew nails it!

[@kenwahchez2479]

My daughter is suffering from depression and is a teen girl. Listening to this made me cry. I know the journey ahead won't be easy, and it's hard to be a parent and watch your child in pain and despair. This is a video I want her to watch so that she knows she's not alone and to destigmatize depression. I want her to have the tools to understand this disease and to be compassionate to herself. It is with gratitude for this video and enlightening us all to the pain and resilience you have exhibited. Thank you!

[@sarbjeetkhosaUcan]

I just want to say your daughter is not alone. If u need any help, I am here to help because I was in depression and now I am out and live my purpose to help people because everyone deserves life

[@joybarker7906]

​@sarbjeetkhosaUcan How kind of you to offer to reach out ! Sending prayers that you continue to be blessed, and to bless others with the knowledge you've acquired on your journey! Always remember " You are braver than you believe, smarter than you seem, stronger than you think, and loved more than you know" ♡ - Winnie the Pooh

[@taranpreetkaur8303]

To anyone who has been watching these talks to feel supported :), I would recommend you some other raw and beautifully articulated talks on depression. They are:- 1. By Sam Moukaddem 2. Gill Hayes 3. John Nieuwenburg Helped me alot :)

[@lorriesardinia5302]

Thank you!

[@lorriesardinia5302]

I just watched, Gill Hayes video. Thanks again for taking the time to post the others. xoxo

[@janelwilliams9144]

I will, thanks!!

[@robynblackwell8035]

Thank you

[@elizabethharvester6111]

Thanks for posting these speakers' names. I searched for TED talks by them. Sadly, Gill Hayes passed away from successful suicide. All very powerful presentations

[@Silver-Sliver]

This is...such an excellent expression of what depression is. This gentleman is eloquent.

[@Heuristiks]

I cried through this whole video

[@Jess-zm5xt]

I’m so so SO glad I watched this. I’ve had some of the thoughts such as “life is pointless because we’re all going to die” as well as “we’re all just trapped in our bodies” thinking I was having some sort of spiritual epiphany while others lived blissfully unaware. I forgot that just as much as anxiety can lie to us, so can depression. I’ve been so scared but to hear people who’ve had verbatim what’s been inside my head makes me want to cry in relief and sadness. Our greatest gift in this world is each another and I wish so badly we lived in a better society that cared more about helping each other through connection and proper care rather than individual gain and material fulfillment with money. I feel we’re disconnected from everything, our food, our planet and one another. This could very well be me having depressed delusions but I feel trapped by these thoughts and have no where else to put them.

[@zackk695]

It has finally hit me at 50 and I am glad to hear someone that understands.I WILL get healthy.I would do anything to meet this great man.Maybe one day

[@leiahsky4052]

Write him a letter. He mentioned many times that he appreciates receiving them.

[@jasminejones9058]

You don't have to meet him you already got it ! Move forward and Listen to Eckharte Tolle and all the great ones Also listen to great MUSIC and great stand up comedians ( EG the late great George Carlin and the late great Bill Hicks would be a good starting point ) Trust me you will feel inspired IF you're still on the planet HOPEFULLY you are ...PEACE

[@skontheroad2666]

@@jasminejones9058 Luckily, you don't understand depression.

[@skontheroad2666]

Do you feel better? It is hard now with Covid...

[@JocelynAliceVideo]

@@skontheroad2666 I'm just seeing this talk now. Just wanted to check in you and send you some loving energy. What an incredibly poignant comment. Are you a writer? Sounds like it. Love u.

[@debblackmore7460]

Mental health stinks speak out dont suffer in silence nothing to be ashamed off its mental health I have bipolar manic depression I also have hypoxia brain injury I died 26minutes spent weeks months in coma rehab hospital learning talk walk again been a recovery massive discovery never ever give up on yourself many will never yourselves keep going doing amazing things stay strong stay positive stay safe everyone takecare becareful out there dont let guards down sending luck hugs prayers most of all love from headway Nottingham UK you got this you got it great speech well done x

[@gtavtheavengergunnerlegend3340]

This is shockingly accurate.

[@JR-hr8pk]

"Each of us is trapped in our own bodies". That is such a strange concept to contemplate. Even after seeing this talk 10's of times over the last few years it is still soothing and informative to know someone else gets it. "Like the stations of the cross" when making a sandwich. So true!

[@joybarker7906]

Each time I watch this I find myself wanting to stand up, alone in my room, to give this man a standing ovation. His brilliant mind, combined with such heartfelt experiences, makes this my favourite presentation of what living with clinical depression is truly like. I consider myself honoured to have found it, and will no doubt replay it many more times to come. ♡

[@sinxso]

What a wonderful talk! Thank you! After loosing my mom and three cousins to COVID-19 in 2020, and three months ago my beloved sister that was like my other mother, I’m in the process of learning the difference between grief, sadness and depression. This has helped me a lot!

[@gailnewcomb8256]

Oh! wow! ❤ I lost my husband a few months ago. My best friend, my confidant, the love of my life. A gift that God had given for too short of a time, in my humble opinion. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I can’t imagine how I would get through something so devastating, when this one loss of mine is almost unbearable. ❤

[@elizabethharvester6111]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Mom and Sister. I wish you continued comfort and healing

[@daphnieD]

Thank you, Mr. Andrew Solomon! I usually do not comment on KZbin videos. But your talk about depression is the best I have come upon so far: insightful, compelling, with a dash of humor to lighten the talk. Very much needed at a time like this. Thanks again!

[@ryanwallace4204]

This guy perfectly describes and captures the horror of depression. Excellent talk.

[@theusersam]

Love this guy! Reminds me a little of Sheldon Cooper :)

[@danielcaplan2641]

FINALLY SOMEONE WHO THINKS THIS TOO

[@777sweett777]

THAT'S IT!!! Sheldon!! LOL!!! spot on!! 👍🏾

[@leslierodriguez9914]

Exactly what I was thinking lol

[@AriCohenMusic]

i was thinking the same thing!!!!

[@hibomohamed7710]

I am grateful for this talk: I was suffering from depression a long time ( I also suffer from bipolar disorder) and due to change in my medication I am feeling much better. I have come to understand that having a daily structure and plan for my day really helps me a lot. Talking a walk also makes me feel so much better. I am also taking control of my life again; I gave away my power by not believing in myself more and listening to the voices of a celebrity obsessed world. Having said that there are still some people I admire in the public but I also honor my own journey in life more. God Bless!

[@sarbjeetkhosaUcan]

I am happy to hear that u are living your life 😊

[@anro1924]

A “MUST listen to” for anyone wanting to better understand depression. Thank you for sharing! I love the part about (Americans) taking people into dark dingy rooms alone to talk about all of the bad things that have happened to them. SO true!

[@paulraymond890]

Hi Ann How are you today?🌺🌺

[@renehenriksen1735]

The problem with todays society is that it´s hard to connect, getting a feeling of truly belonging and creating an identity. Society simply has become too corrupt, complex and irrelevant to the individual.

[@JennySieck]

Yes this. And it causes addiction as well.

[@misteryA555]

24:13 is so important. I can’t stop thinking about it

[@shaistacramer7702]

That is a tough pill to swallow

[@KrisTenK10]

❤❤️❤❤️❤❤️❤ "the fact you never heard of it means that it's - news ... and you are a news magazine"

[@odrieortega2658]

11:22 is me everytime. no hope. no future. just an ending.

[@RashmiSharma-oh9vp]

what a beautiful speech.

[@TheBelzebubba]

Thank you for sharing. Very well spoken. I can relate to most of it. I agree today’s treatments are still in the dark ages and it is a tragedy. My concern when it comes to society as a whole is a lack of empathy, without it educating people about mental illness falls on def ears. But all we can do is try and you have certainly done that. May joy find its way to you.

[@JennySieck]

Metaphysical people or so called spiritual people are the worst. They force people to feel things they don't.

[@ShaniceN]

This man clearly and simply described the experience of depression and he's amazing. 9 years later!

[@jakeyflakes00]

So why is it that Andrew was reading my mind from the last 18 months within the first 6 minutes of the video. Please do your friends and family a favor and share this with them.

[@elizabethharvester6111]

I LOVE this speaker! He's speaks like a poet. His words and stories ring with truth. So glad I got to find this video and listen to him!

[@ainawaheedamohamadcrchkl1658]

hi...i am a survivor of Depression...your talk is awesome...and spot-on...thanks for sharing your amazing journey

[@markfoster1520]

He is & my problem with meds is they change you.... I felt I couldn't take them & keep my creativity!

[@zipiwolsner4985]

The way Andrew talks reminds me somewhat of the way Churchil did...What a great talk of a man with depth and sensitivity.

[@thomasegbah4328]

Thank you very much for this video. I am currently suffering from Major Depression

[@XVCeruleanSin]

So damn spot on! Thank you for sharing your perspective on a common enemy we suffer.

[@oesterle6]

Worth every minute!! Can't believe there are only 73K views. He has another TEDx talk I can recall hearing in the past, if you want more of his wonderful story telling. I agree best talk on explaining what it is like to have depression to someone who is trying to understand it from a "normal" person's perspective. Can't wait to listen to it again and share it.

[@TheWenniejjj]

Very intelligent man, what a speach!

[@muhammedjaffer7114]

One of the best speeches on mental health

[@herbboucher816]

We live in a society where people don't even matter.

[@Elizabeth-jm2pk]

you have no idea how hard this is to explain to others, thank you for your kindness in this dark world.

[@selinawoldebruk39]

i felt every word and im going through it all rn

[@Gainerone]

You are one hot depressee!

[@fit_spoonie6760]

@selina, I hope you are feeling better. Xx

[@yeshalloween]

@@Gainerone you are a tool

[@hilarykoppen2776]

❤

[@laurenmooney1520]

Priceless! Thank you sir, you know exactly what this will do for me.

[@maalavikacs9507]

He explained depression in the most accurate way. "Why would I be depressed when my life is going all good?" "Others are going through so much more and handling it pretty well, but why can't I?" These self-doubts and voices in our own head that trivialise our feelings are the worst problems of depression, I feel

[@De23Rosa]

Depression is the ghost within. Life is pain and pain is sorrow. An unexplainable sorrow. There are highs and they are very low lows.

[@Kernowcornwall]

This is best TED about depression. So much in here to think about, you need to listen carefully at least twice.

[@sandrabates6919]

You are a genius Andrew Solomon, just love this Tedx Talks, one of my top 10 for sure!!! The poem is amazing, I recall the Emily Dickinson piece, she also, a genius.

[@markmattingly2929]

NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH! ESPECIALLY YOU OWN!!

[@oliveharrinanan102]

two weeks ago I told my therapist and asked her in my session, I feel like I don’t feel, I feel like I don’t have reactions when I know I should have one, I know I am supposed to feel something but I can’t, why is that?? Is that my depression??? Now I know!!! Thank you

[@TonGolem]

Great talk!! Just want to add: He describes very severe cases (incl. his own). Don't be scared. It doesn't have to be that extreme. But do go and get help as early as possible so it doesn't get this severe.

[@tawnteens]

It's so refreshing to hear you speak so honestly and openly about your experience with depression. I've enjoyed all your talks over the years. You seem like someone with a beautiful bright childlike soul that is determined to be at home with or without depression, in a world that hates "pure-hearts." Don't give up the faith! The world and all its pure-hearts need someone like you to encourage them to persist and keep looking for ways to find vitality again after depression pays a visit.

[@rubyslippers6716]

I rarely hear such an accurate description

[@sameerpatidar3404]

Thanks for the term 'vitality', it clears a lot of things.

[@strangetribe]

Andrew Solomon is truly a master in every way. I love this video so dearly

[@jessaa.rivera2664]

This would be my favorite talk period

[@lmoa69]

Every time I get in this way, I come back and listen to Andrew's talk. The last time, I was in a terrible job, overly stressed, falling apart, and seeing no hope. I decided to hold on and fight. Things went up and things went down, and then things fell off a cliff. I decided to go back to school and change my circumstances. Perhaps changing the job and improving my financial situation would help. I put all my effort toward achieving that goal. I graduated and changed my circumstances. I found a great job with a great boss and work that I enjoy. I started my master's program. A few negative emotional events and a semester of classes in which I have little interest has brought me back, despite things going so well. At least from the outside. I don't know what the future holds, but I will try to hold on again. I'm thankful that Andrew gave this talk because it helps me think about things in a way that nothing else really can.

[@bbiedny]

Going through a depressive episode right now, this is unbearable.

[@atreyuprincipalh4043]

Barry I hope that You are feeling better ,dear friend.I pray for that. This road of depression is a long hard road we walk thru.. you’re not alone

[@Patrick-ryan-collins]

"The treatments we have for Depression are appalling they're not very effective they're extremely costly they come with innumerable side effects. they're a disaster but I am so grateful that I live now and not 50 years ago but it would have been almost nothing to be done I hope that 50 years hence people will hear that my treatments and be appalled that anyone endured such primitive science. "Andrew Soloman Really quite beautiful and elegant I could listen to the talk all day long

[@deliagallegos5658]

What a wonderful speech.

[@TinaSotis]

Andrew Solomon is the best.

[@hot_salsa_dipping_sauce]

I've been watching vids about depression and self harm bc I want to help out a friend, but instead I just realized how many of those things also apply to me... The food part was so on point. When I'm hungry and I start thinking about all the steps that are requred just for me to make some food and eat it I get kinda overwhelmed and it takes me a good half an hr to motivate myself to do it.

[@ivonneespinosa4306]

The truth lies... great quote

[@atreyuprincipalh4043]

I hope this great GentleMan is doing well God bless Him.I know about the term Dead but Still living..

[@ffkffk8367]

Wish my family would watch and understand this, they usually tell me to walk depression off,

[@ramonab2029]

I definitely adore how he puts across his feelings and ideas and his language skills! Perfect

[@JR-hr8pk]

"That spectre of despair can be the engine of intimacy"

[@justinhoskins5740]

Andrew gives the best descriptions of what I’ve suffered from since my childhood. I’m so thankful for his talks and his writing.

[@josebarberena9564]

So much of it is something that just about everyone can identify. I sometimes have the same existential questions in which you see no meaning to any of the feelings that move within us when death is the only outcome. And not knowing what is or is not after ones death. And the mortality of your loved ones. I can see how some people plunge deep into those overwhelming feelings of doom. I'm sorry for the people that their sorrows just plummet into dark dark places.

[@sonyatrivino9854]

Thank you! It touched my life entirely.

[@GroggyFive59180]

I hope that everyone ehre is okay. Please be safe and remember that people care about you, even if it may not feel like it at times. If you are feeling troubled, maybe professional help is the answer, or talking to a trusted friend about what you are going through. wish you all the best.

[@jmacmillan4558]

An excellent description of the 4 categories of depression. Thank you.

[@blessedlonewolf5518]

Thank you so much Andrew for this perfect description of what your depression looks and feels like. It is a unique experience, yet you captured much of the thoughts through your own experiences and those for whom you interviewed. Thank you from my soul!

[@ritawatson1478]

Thank you for saying things that I can't. ❤️🙏❤️

[@rudrakshpathak5834]

Thank you. Thank you. Just, thank you.

[@MichaelCarr-eq5wm]

thank you for the touches of humor to break up the darkness

[@leannegreen7830]

What a wonderful speech. I’m very happy and proud of this man - that he has worked his way thru depression and gets up in front of large audiences and speaks honestly about his experience and what he’s learnt. Public speaking isn’t easy. Bravo

[@PatrickSane]

Excellent honesty. This is a clinic in experience and understanding

[@martinlaceyphoto]

Superb presentation. Andrew’s eloquence is outstanding.

[@georgeelliott207]

Wonderful talk, lovely guy. Read his book many years ago although I wasnt depressed, I wanted to learn more...

[@michellegriffith113]

This is the best video on the subject in all of existence

[@jorgep.2033]

I revisit this every once in a while.

[@romaineknepp6620]

Thank you.

[@VanessaSimon26]

This talk is very important!

[@paulraymond890]

Hi Vanessa How are you today?🌺🌺

[@hassenmh2850]

Finally the talk I've been longing to hear, thank you

[@ssanyuleonce4047]

Wonderful talk about depression, it has created hope picture in my mind . That I can rise again, I only felt life has ended , but I feel am living again 😭, thank you

[@namaste8374]

Amazing presentation of the suffering and experience many of us live with each year. This gave me knowledge and hope. Thank you.

[@willmpet]

My father probably had Clinical Depression, but somehow he managed to live his life. He was of course, difficult to live with. My brother still hasn’t forgiven him-he was harmed so much. I had a minor version of depression (Dysthymia) and it was truly horrid! I can’t believe how much my father must have suffered because it was not considered a problem in his lifetime.

[@genegray7131]

The Best talk about depression 💛

[@555Trout]

Wonderful talk

[@soulucineidecorreia2023]

Ualll!! Incrível como uma dor pode depois virar seu amor ! Eu passei por muita ansiedade , aprendi que preciso abraçar essa dor . Depois disso a ansiedade vêm diminuindo 🎉

[@mikedavis1050]

Thank you