How to recognize perfectly hidden depression | Margaret Rutherford | TEDxBocaRaton

When we deny the existence of deep despair and loneliness created by the painful secrets of our past, we can create a camouflage of “perfect” normalcy - or what’s been termed perfectly hidden depression. What if we could create a culture where revealing these feelings, even darker thoughts of suicide, wasn’t deemed shameful or labeled as pathological, but instead was understood as a sign of trust and a step toward healing? Dr. Margaret Rutherford, a therapist for over thirty years, shares how fostering and modeling deeper transparency can both improve and save lives. Margaret Robinson Rutherford Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with thirty years of experience, is also an author and podcaster. Her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression, has reached thousands here in the US, as well as having an international impact, with translations reaching from Korea to Italy, Turkey to Germany. Her highly popular podcast, The SelfWork Podcast, has been continuously rated as one of the best podcasts for mental health and depression. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@brodyalexandra]

Is it bad of me to say that it's a little comforting to know so many other people are feeling this way?

[@johnrowan9033]

Mental health is complex. It's not just about hiding feelings; sometimes, people genuinely don't understand what they're going through.

[@POMOnkey1]

Sometimes hiding the feelings isn’t intentional. Some of us betray themselves too, because we never learn to express ourselves while growing up.

[@maryannwatkins7166]

We hide these feelings because we are told we are “too dramatic”, or “you have nothing to be depressed about”, etc. After a while, we shut down.

[@ccharles848]

People at work would be shocked how I constantly think about suicide. I’m successful and respected. Always have a smile on my face and help others. When I’m not at work, I almost never leave my bed and sleep ALL THE TIME. I really think they’d be surprised.

[@sheryldabose1988]

I don't think the world is ready to acknowledge just how large of a pain scale we are all on

[@gracesanity6314]

I did that. Hide it well. Functional depression. Untill l surrendered and got honest. I got help. Mentioned the dreaded word...l have depression and have had all my life. I was the smiler. Then the trauma healing began. In gratitude.

[@Snowfoxie1]

For what it’s worth, you DID listen to your gut. You DID take action. You DID save Natalie’s life.

[@katienlister]

Treating suicidal feelings as normal feelings is a game-changer. It's about destigmatizing these emotions and creating a space for open dialogue, I am all for this.

[@Sincebrassnorstone]

I don't share difficult feelings because most people jump into

[@isabelleboulay2651]

Someone suicidal will not let it show if they're planning to end their life because they don't want to alarm anyone who could try to stop them. If someone shows they need help, that's exactly what it is: they're not yet at that point of putting a plan into action to die; they are asking for help. It's not complicated. People who erase themselves from the social environment are slowly trying to not be missed, eventually. It's gradual sometimes. If psych professionals understand this, they'll be more likely to help.

[@andrehuestan]

The part about perfectionism alongside depression is just... so accurate.

[@DrMargaretRutherford]

Thank you to so many who've left comments and ideas and thoughts. I'm very grateful for the feedback and the community of thought.

[@shakunsharma09]

One thing I learned : one who understands depression is the one who have faced it and feel it by own personally. Most difficult phase is when one want to express about the same but don't have anybody to talk, to discuss and to understand.

[@liamnneely]

The part about depression looking different when its coupled with perfectionism really blew me away... even though depression is so common it makes sense that experiencing it would still be unique to the person, based on who they already are and how they deal with things. Makes sense that for some people you'd never be able to tell.

[@user-cs2jk5pp6p]

I first had depression about 3 yrs after death of our son. My husband was very ill. My mother was having 2nd surgery for cancer that returned. My father was having sm heart attacks. My sleep got down to 2 hrs a day. My worst nightmare was all 3 going into hospital at same time and all dying. They did all go to hosp from Sun night to Tues. Mom died. Father went home. Husband came home. I saw doctor. I had depression! My parents thought depressed people were weak and did not discuss subject at all. Like it was leprosy or VD. Since then I have had recurrences. I kept going to see a kind, quiet psychiatrist. Some did not think much of that. I now talk

[@regina-reda]

Margaret's concept of "perfectly hidden depression" shines a light on the importance of understanding the complexity of mental health. It's a nuanced perspective.

[@hoosier-daddy-Iam]

My sister has been saying for a long time that we could see a shift in the way mental health was treated if we were just a bit more transparent about how it actually FEELS instead of trying shift those feels into something considered more "positive". This is a fantastic talk Dr Rutherford!!

[@liamperry1476]

In my opinion, Margaret's story about Natalie really hits home. It's a reminder that we often hide our struggles behind a facade of success, and that can have serious consequences.

[@kakakakanananana]

I've literally never thought that perfectionism might be masking something deeper. It's a pretty interesting thought.