Advice for Guys On Dating

[@OssianHowley]

As a christian guy whos been married for less than 2 years, advice for christians in this area needs to be carefully given. Dating is our cultures answer on how to find a marriage partner. Hanging out with a group of friends is generally not. Our culture also is individualist and not pro marriage any more. We need to give clear easy to follow guidelines about how to advise young christians to develop relationships. Not vague statements about hanging out in groups. If u like a girl, take a risk, ask her on a date. If she says yes, take her out for a coffee or something else low key. Treat her with respect but your goal of a marriage partner is a noble and godly goal. If it works, is easy and is fun, ask her out again. Make sure you dont push average relationships up a hill. Steer clear of too much physical stuff. It will muddy your thinking. Stay close to God. Understand that relationships are a risk that are worth taking. Grow. Take risks. Love God & love people.

[@Drewan27]

I think your advice is a bit better. As a college man myself, most girls I know don't take it that you like them very much if you just want to hang out in group settings with them lol. You need that one on one time it can be at a coffee shop or a restaurant at a football or basketball game or at the park or any place like that, you just need one on one time as friends with dashes of romance.

[@pedrocristobal8631]

I love his idea that’s I want to hear as a true Christian

[@simisolaoludare4511]

What if you took the risk, she said no but she is still a great friend? The world would say 'move on' but this is my friend.

[@adaliavasquez6552]

I think it is important when we are in friendships with the opposite gender to guard our hearts. I was recently friends with someone who indicated that he liked me and I was really praying about it, but suddenly he just got into a relationship with another girl. He really hurt me. I pray and ask that all brothers in Christ would be careful with how they treat their sisters--caring for their hearts and not leading them into false hope (if they aren't interested in a relationship). I know sisters in Christ should do the same but men are the pursuers in this area.

[@noahgarrett5195]

Same for the girls

[@flap7024]

If it wasnt clear that you felt the same, then naturally the dude went for someome else. Probably thought you would just want to be friends, then found someone else. But yeah sorry that happened. But its important to make things clear instead of some sort of world taught thing where you shun them as they pointlessly chase you.

[@StEvUgnIn]

We all deserve clarity. It means that it was never clear how you felt about him or perhaps he wasn’t aware you were dating in the first place.

[@Pilgrim182]

The last part is gold. Most of the time you will hang out with your partner, so dating it’s a good time to evaluate if that will be possible. Thanks

[@sthiel126]

As a girl, I love this. I wish guys would implement this.

[@emmacherry2093]

Yes this is beautiful

[@HaLo_Zz]

I’m passed college years, but I really love this. I still treat guys I meet like this, a brother! Sadly, most of their mindset is wordly. I’m still waiting for my God’s best. I’m content where God is placing me right now. 💕

[@bothan_janitor6495]

This was really helpful! While I do wish I had my father to teach me this, my heavenly Father has given me good fathers in the church to share this video and mentor me! By God's grace I'll be able to pass this knowledge along to my kids in the future if they turn to the Lord!

[@drowe3782]

Amen! Praise God for such sound advice. His Word is a lamp unto our feet.

[@nossasenhoradoo871]

"Praise God for such sound advice." Sound advice? The bloke in the video is a complete jerk!

[@natebrock5989]

“Would I want to hang out with her for 30 years” Good stuff👍

[@colourfulchaos]

I love this. Really useful, even as a girl!

[@David-gq9ey]

NO GIRLS ALLOWED

[@David-gq9ey]

I am joking

[@JWu-jt7fz]

Pastor: "You don't fool around with your sister. That's nasty." Alabama: Hold my beer

[@Broken-Flesh]

🤣🤣🤣

[@fnln1913]

An original Alabama joke, lol

[@CamtronianDaBarbaric]

These insights are pretty orthodox but I don't know that they're all that helpful to the spiritually mature, Christian, single guy. If I could rewind and speak to my single self a few years ago I would much rather impart that dating unto God will take real risk and can take a long time, yet it's worth it both in the end and in the midst of dating. Growing tired, settling and dating whimsically will cost you immensely. Make your pursuit of a wife about knowing and honoring Jesus, only this perspective will get you through the hardships that lie ahead.

[@andrewbellasperanza5794]

This video was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you Lord!

[@JohnCook-bx4gv]

I first thought this was a crock of shit, then I immediately thought I possess the wisdom of the world and am not seeing this as it’s meant to be. Totally convicted now.

[@EddieBsTakeout]

Wow! I so appreciated this commentary. Thank you for such sound wisdom and Godly advice.

[@kpballa1009]

Amen brother. Very solid biblical teaching.

[@tonymattei5866]

My question Is if you never spend alone time how can you develop a relationship with a woman and decide to marry her? I totally agree That sex should be saved for marriage and remaining pure is key I’m just honestly wondering how you develop a love for someone to the point of asking them to marry if you always just hanging out as friends?

[@chengetaimachaka]

"In a coffee shop or a restaurant" like he said. Be private in public.

[@JoannaBorne]

I had this same question. It’s a difficult concept

[@holly3071]

I completely agree, there’s a complete difference between being pure and being entirely public. Even when I have deeper conversations with my mom or my dad I would not want to be in public having them.

[@holly3071]

Also as an introvert, I am not usually able to be fully comfortable and myself in public. I don’t believe there is any reason whatsoever two adults who are mature in Christ and disciplined would need to constantly be in public in order to fully honor God.

[@varaidzocarolinemutwira6447]

I love it..thank you for this message....lm a young lady but it really helped me.. thank you

[@justinkemper8209]

I especially appreciated the “treat her as a SISTER”…that is a good mindset

[@elleonallera08]

This is such a blessing, praise God ♥️

[@alejandrinamunoz3366]

Thank you for these encouraging words . Wow! It is soooo true.

[@samsonkiflom5954]

100% Amen! This is the Counsel of the Lord!

[@nossasenhoradoo871]

"100% Amen! This is the Counsel of the Lord!" No, it's complete bullshit!

[@emmacherry2093]

Amen this is beautiful I love this 💛 Perfect and refreshing.

[@sergiojimvi1]

It always sounds easy, but believe it or not, it requires a LOT of guts!! Actually, its more about what you want for as a wife, you look at a girl with short skirts and you say: "well I wouldn't like to see my future daughter with those clothes" seems like we grow up anyways and we choose the right path, so I guess this advise he gave is for that specific people with guts!

[@jadude119]

This is great, very timely needed in our day and age.

[@derekchildress5]

This man is on point! You have to definitely prayerful! Seek God!

[@zinhlenonhlakaniphomtolo2646]

Ah man! Ben Stuart! Amazing insight.

[@jennamicheleable]

This is advice is really encouraging. As a woman, I do not want a guy to ask me out on a date right away to get to know me. there should be some time of getting to know each other in group settings as brother and sister in Christ. I would want him to get to know me personally in group settings so that there isn't too much pressure like, oh my gosh this guy likes me, now I need to think about if i like him. thats too rushed. getting to know guys personally and intentionally in group settings is awesome. then after a while of that and the guy is still interested, he should ask her out. double dates are great too!

[@quintonmorris11]

Good advice! Been thinking about asking a girl on a date because boy is she dropping hints! But you're totally right, I'm uncertain because I'm still trying to figure out if I like her enough for a date. Too rushed!

[@jennamicheleable]

@@quintonmorris11 yeah that is a good idea to slow down. No need to rush into a romantic realtionship, especially if you're not sure if you like her. I wouldnt want a guy to ask me on a date just because i like him. If i found out that he wasnt really into him, i would feel so sad and embarressed and maybe other things. Not only get to know her in group settings, but also ask your guy friends and leaders in the church for wisdom on if yoy should pursue her and if so, how to pursue her. I've noticed that second thing - asking for advice, is something that some of the guys I have known, don't seem to do. And it ends up hurting me, other girls and them. (Not saying that you're not doing that. But also for anyone else reading this.) Best to you!!

[@quintonmorris11]

@@jennamicheleable Here's what I'm worried about. Say I decide, "You know what, I"ll take her on a date. Why not?" but then I don't want to follow up with any more dates, I just wanted to get to know her a bit more. Is that a problem? If I take her on one date, am I then inclined to take her on more dates? I don't want to hurt her feelings but I would love to go on a date because it'd be fun! But I reckon things wouldn't pan out so smoothly in regards to emotions on her end. It may be best I don't bother unless I have more intentions of commitment as opposed to a date for fun. The advice I've been given is incredibly mixed, personally I don't think a single date should cause much harm if it's left at that, but other seems to think differently, as if one date means it's serious. =/

[@jennamicheleable]

@@quintonmorris11 Hey Quinton, I'm glad you're seeking advice. I would continue seeking advice from your pastors, elders and other godly people men. And of course pray. Pray first. I would still encourage you to get to know her in a group setting. Only take her on a date if you've sought out advice from godly men and women, and have spent a lot of time getting to know her in a group setting and encouraging her in Christ, and after all of that you start to seriously like her. Otherwise, I don't believe you'd be guarding her heart if you took her on a date just for fun. Also, if she has been dropping clues that she likes you, that's spiritually immature. That's how girls pursue. I've done it many times and I regret it. When girls do that, it shows they aren't trusting God to bring them a godly husband. Men are created to be the pursuers. Best thing to do, love her as a sister in Christ, encourage her in her walk with God and to pursue deep meaningful relationships with otherr women in the church, and encourage her by pointing her to Christ - that is spiritually attractive. Only date if you are seriously interested. I don't go on dates if a guy just wants to get to know me for the first time, especially if he hasnt spent the time to really get to know me as a friend and sister in Christ. That should give guys a better idea if that girl would be a potentially good fit as a wife. I hope that helps.

[@quintonmorris11]

@@jennamicheleable Such fantastic advice, especially "I don't believe you'd be guarding her heart if you took her on a date just for fun." Quite convicting of my desire to take her on a date so frivolously. I'm glad I've been sticking with my gut feeling of not taking her on a date. Would be too soon and too emotionally and spiritually irresponsible if I did! How silly of me to think otherwise! Thank you much, you've certainly helped clear my thinking and justify a reason to take time and reconsider rushing anything.

[@RealReaper-Fox]

I’ve been alone most of my life and I have mild Aspergers which makes relating to people difficult. Most people don’t understand me and tend to shy away so I shut myself off to keep the “monster” in check. My question is how can I find a relationship when no one really understands me? The best answer I can come up with is that I’m too brain damaged for any one to understand me fully.

[@quintonmorris11]

That's challenging to answer, something I've often wondered myself. However, I don't think the answer is different for someone without Aspergers compared to someone with. You're looking for an individual who is like you, just like most anyone is looking for someone like themselves. Someone who enjoys doing what you enjoy, going where you enjoy, watching what you enjoy. You don't want a woman who hates your favorite band, cannot stand how you are shy in public, and is appalled you didn't eagerly introduce yourself to her parents the first time you met them. That's silly, why would you want someone drastically different from you? Someone who can't understand you? Minor differences, yes, but within reason. I suppose that means you have to find out what you love about yourself and what type of girl is going to have those qualities. If she needs to understand you, she may need to have Aspergers or have an understanding of developmental disorders. She may need to enjoy sitting quietly in public. She may need to be completely fine with you nervously saying hello to her parents, because she knows she's going to be just as nervous when she says hello to your parents! Haha, too good. Aren't we all nervous at that point? =p If God has put the desire on your heart for marriage, he will provide. Amen to that.

[@midi8628]

​@@quintonmorris11p😅😅

[@NateAllenOG]

You lost me at 2:38. That’s not the biblical vision of marriage and that’s not how anyone should view it.

[@gieziperezantonio9829]

"trust her with God" I like that

[@Mrjjeffrey3375]

Im pretty sure Paul talks about fiancees and if you cant control yourself its better to marry her then burn with passion 1corthians or 2. So its not just Sister and Marriage theres a Fiancee stage too. Right?

[@cherryliang5117]

I'm glad it's on desiring God

[@godsbabeborn-again5945]

#golden! God bless you, pastor Ben!

[@withthejones]

This man is talking about 30 years 😂 Bro, where you going after you 55? 2nd wife?? Haha, what a fabulous ad-lib He meant 50-60 years ♥️

[@Victoriousandbrave]

This was really good advice.

[@ironscalp2241]

Hm... Not practical advice, even from a Christian perspective... I was married for twenty years and know that to know a person, you need to see them in a variety of settings and situations. Of course the bed isn't one of them, but conversations about sex and finances is crucial. Otherwise, you risk marrying someone who is immature... This can harm the relationship down the road. I recommend that courting couples look up 'The Marriage Course'. By Nicky and Sylla Lee.

[@Whatashek]

Amen, thank you for sharing this wisdom!

[@Jon_Gore]

Question. What does all this mean in regards to certain physical contact. Things like holding hands or hugging?

[@levibarros149]

What would you say to young men who want to first FIND that girl? The biggest problem I've encountered (especially having been homeschooled) is just finding and meeting girls. Never mind all the difficulty that comes from a relationship once it's begun; myself and many dozens of my male Christian friends in their late 20's have the hardest time just finding a place where we can meet girls. And believe me, meeting girls in a public and fast-paced environment, no matter how Christian, is utterly futile because you never connect on a deeper level than "Hi, my name is ____ and this is what I like."

[@brumbybailey6599]

College/Uni does seem the likeliest possibility that we homeschooled are missing out on, so dare I suggest using that to your advantage and joining former homeschooler friendly groups? Hard in the present circumstances, I must admit, but you never know! Here's hoping you've already found your lovely lady! 👍

[@NitrousXProductions]

Recommend using a Christian dating app with everything going on in the pandemic it's a lot safer than trying to make a approach in real life.

[@toughbiblepassages9082]

You know where the best place to meet women are? Here’s the secret: everywhere. Literally, everywhere. Whenever you see a beautiful woman you find attractive, you walk up to her and tell her she looks good and she’s peaked your interest. Then just talk to her about what kind of energy you think she gives off. If she stone colds you or is rude, you tell her that she’s less interesting than you hoped and walk away. That’s it. If it feels awkward or uncomfortable just know nowadays women just don’t know how to have conversations with people who are direct and forward, it’s your job to lead her through that.. men are to push through discomfort in order to accomplish progress.. that’s literally what every job men do is anyway. If she’s atheist or something forget about it, but if she’s some kind of Christian you go ahead BUT realize YOU are the one who leads the relationship and sets the boundary lines, NOT HER! You make the rules and she complies, not the other way around.

[@life-is-here]

I think young couples should strive to maintain purity and treat each other as brother and sister in the Lord. They should use their resources to help each other grow closer to God.

[@justinkemper8209]

Such great advice. Thank you

[@AP.i3]

Very helpful as an 18 year old thank you, God bless

[@johnmoore1074]

Great message

[@jiffy973]

Yes!!

[@audreyperez29]

"far less likely" should be said as "won't" The flesh is wicked, and measures should be taken to eliminate risk of groping. Yet, we are not tempted beyond what we can bear. Thus, the strong and convicted word is "won't." Please represent this conviction better in your speech. I found the language timid and unsure. Great advice overall. Thank you ❤️

[@fnln1913]

Never thought about it this way

[@mikekaram8589]

indeed. God bless you

[@karinadamaris123]

Praise be to God!!!

[@mattarrera9778]

This is really good. Such a timely word

[@DrewAujus]

This was so helpful thank u 🙏🏽

[@lubasilubasi8041]

I wish I Heard this earlier.

[@lysch46]

Perfect...... Said so beautifully. Best advice ever.

[@imamtuheen6257]

It is so nice speech on Dating. I am very happy to hear it.

[@stollerreinhard]

This was fantastic

[@lukegetvulnerable696]

Powerful, thank you so much.

[@cherryliang5117]

I have a friend that love God and respects women, but I have no feeling for him. It's we are too much alike and agree on so many things. Never disagree never fight and there is no tension no chemistry. Is there something wrong with me?

[@gerbenvandewerken2378]

Hi Cherry I understand your question, it's mine as well. Also about the no tension no chemistry thing. It's difficult for me but I don't have a good answer either..

[@mscottster444]

Wish this could be played at every church everywhere.

[@Erix7810]

Treat her as a sister? So how does an initial attraction even begin?

[@dan52620]

i belive it comes as you get to know the person. you can treat her as a sister, and stil spark/ feel attraction :)

[@williamholloway9417]

Uh attraction is usually right away haha. He isn't saying don't feel attraction for them! You shouldn't date someone you aren't attracted to, duh. "Treat her as a sister", that's about treating them as a sister in Christ, as opposed to your wife since you are not married while you are dating.

[@elijahrose7913]

Beautifully said

[@primitivaroots]

yep, that's the way it is!

[@CaptainKarma8]

This is brilliant advice

[@airruiz]

Great advise God is love

[@poinbruckner2599]

AMEN! Thank you!

[@averyjackson2699]

True in the truest form of true.

[@3BALL4]

trying to start dating is a friggin impossibility

[@alessandrocarneiro3349]

Amazing advice... It´ll be helpful :)

[@PrttypleasePriscilla]

This is so good!

[@heavenlyjoymalangkaemba5912]

thank God for this video

[@yousraadly7341]

Mirrage or dont come near me that my life model its me alot in terms of i dont suffer these dating troubles isee people gets to mental clinic due basically it . Thanks for lecture .

[@johnsguideserviceandwildou5235]

Gahhh so tough. Thank you for posting. I want to do what i want, and i know it is wrong. Jesus help me remember you

[@EquippedForHim]

You know for the sake of helping a future stronghold to be broken or not even touched. Don't look at the person in a sense of "this is my sister" in some incest type of way. The way he said that should be changed for sure. Treat everyone with the same guidelines that are in the Bible for everyone. Be wise. Don't be alone if you can. Wait on God to help you in sexual temptation. Move towards wise counsel. Learn. Read. Write. DON'T think about a person being your sister that you are dating lol thats wild yo!

[@suryakencanaartha3732]

Аrе уоu mааааking thеsе mistаkеs with уоur man? twitter.com/a9c60516d47d92b7a/status/804693412402241537 Аdviсcе for Guуs Оn Dаting

[@crdbrdbox]

Thank you!!!!!

[@nicoleann0703]

Excellent!

[@ultrakatherine14]

Great video...thank you!

[@TheCreepypro]

purify our minds Lord help us to be faithful to you

[@stefeno372]

Omg I think for years I have given and total believe and not getting

[@fromthethrone]

I don't like my man treats me like a sister! 😟

[@emmanuelcasado]

Excellent

[@Mr2drummer2]

Cool stuff.

[@anushdsouza9632]

So you marry your sister

[@stefeno372]

I really like to date someone who is worth my time .. Someone real

[@kaimaxfield6484]

That is so sad.

[@quintonmorris11]

F

[@NICEDOPPY]

Great!!

[@julietwaruguru428]

GOOD STUFF

[@juliojones8402]

Every teen over 14 now. Blast Tren, eat dbol and winny, blast 4 g test weekly. Weight 150 fuckin shredded, deadlift 1300, squat 980 and bench 645. Literally everyone now deadlift 850+ 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Onalenna_Thobega]

☺☺☺ love this

[@alanaterrel9914]

amen brother

[@EdmilsonFilimone]

Amen

[@elkellenhabla]

Amen!

[@sylence0075]

So what if it is a long distance relationship?

[@joswinnoronha1739]

Don't talk about sex in the WhatsApp

[@IsaiahCR7]

Awesome!

[@JohnnySmoove]

OHHH.. This is why I keep getting friendzoned. Makes sense now

[@DanMburu]

Hehehe... It all makes sense now!!

[@Horizonlotus]

....What.

[@donn07]

AMEN ❤️🙏

[@missNCW]

So college boys can date but people who are older and worried they won’t even get married are told they risk ‘missing’ a chapter. Like it’s so easy to be alone and poor as a single person. Married people have more freedom to be happy. They’re spouse make them happy. Single people have to work and who is looking out for their happiness. No one. Not like a spouse.

[@misioyoggi]

perfect

[@naturallygigi3294]

I love it 😊 All for the glory of God!👆❤

[@frederikchopin20]

Before you ever dare to go out with a girl, you need to ask her father first. Imagine you are father and then you go out of your home door and see that a random guy comes in front of you with your car, says "you have a nice car mister" and give you your keys and goes away. Same thing with dating. The father has the responsibilty to guard and decide for the girl. Listen to Paul Washer about this topic Bros!

[@isaacmartin7538]

So some1 ur dating is your sister?

[@renaldobenjamin4973]

Wow

[@alicepallos9750]

So you are saying a man can never marry a woman older than him ?

[@samuelderae]

He didn't say that, or did he?