diary of a queer black autistic

[@ThoseNerdsOverThere]

OMG ITS LIKE SEEING AN OLD FRIEND

[@renaywaterman815]

Facts I was just thinking about her the other day 😭

[@stormyXwrld]

Literally…I’ve missed her so much

[@PourLaMourDeLargent]

i too have recently discovered that i am on the spectrum, as a fellow Black queer person, I am wishing you the best along your journey ❤

[@aaron_osborne]

As a physically disabled college student in 2023 there was an instance where my self esteem plummeted. Like yourself Kai I am an aspiring filmmaker but when a professor said I wasn’t taking lessons seriously I went livid. Sure learning is slow but I still understood what was asked of me. Being away from that specific production course and rediscovering my love for screenwriting has been a huge blessing. My dream of filmmaking is present still but it was an experience of finding the wrong mentor last year.

[@jeremiahmandrade]

I don’t have the social capacity

[@starlenekayci]

I still wear the sweater 🥲

[@basielu]

literally found this vid as a Black, queer, self-diagnosed autistic person while detangling for the first time in months because of executive dysfunction.. and you're like my new youtube best friend.

[@issiahharris6134]

Honestly such a inspiration as a person who’s going back to school at 22 and black and queer, so thanks for this

[@zkkitty2436]

I’m a brown queer person going back to school at 22 and it’s.. so rough. Like who cares about homework in these conditions??? Sending you love and hope that you’re relatively okay rn ❤️❤️

[@issiahharris6134]

@@zkkitty2436 thank you so much honestly I hope all is well for you to, I’m glad that I’m not alone in this situation because I’m looked at as lazy but it’s just ✨Trauma✨

[@devantulloch8015]

I’ve been watching you since I was a senior in high school. You’ve grown tremendously

[@AmalBarre-h6c]

Hello Kai, I have been following you since beginning of uni and starting to believe that I unconsciously was geared to your content as I went through similar struggles. To keep things short, I went through university, but I ended up failing. I started to notice patterns ( struggling to fit in, masking, shutdowns) that was related to my adhd and now suspected autism. I find everything an demand and have put myself flight mode. Since it has now catch up with me, I’m also having to live life in a slow pace, lower demand level now. It’s definitely a shock wondering how did we go through life before. However, I’m starting to give myself grace especially in this current world. It’s a scary world where my ethics and morals do not apply, but I truly agree that community is the best options for those of us that are neurodivergent and/or disabled. Anyways, it was nice seeing you again, stay safe!

[@hhhsp951]

some people are full-time artists. i myself, am a full-time autist.

[@diananavarrete00]

I never leave comments on yt but I just wanted to say thank you Kai for always sharing your wisdom and being authentic with us. I've been following you since 2019 and to see your journey has been truly inspiring and motivating bc I relate to you so much and I'm 23 so we're close in age too. I myself have struggled (and sometimes still do) with my sexuality and also feel late to the game sometimes so it was refreshing to hear that someone my age is in the same boat. the way I see it sexuality and gender are fluid, and like you said, we don't have to prove anything to anyone. I didn't feel confident enough to consider myself queer until I turned 22 and around that time you had published a blog post where you came out as queer and I took it as a sign that it's okay to come out, that I'm not late nor early bc this kind of thing doesn't have a age limit, it just feels that way due to our cisheterosexist society. didn't mean for my first yt comment to be an essay but again thank you.

[@marsredwoodtarot]

this the first video i’ve seen of yours. i could listen to you talk for hours. thank you for talking about disability justice!

[@jude3656]

Hey Kai, I hope you’re doing well enough in these circumstances! I feel your story and voice have been so relatable and comforting (and ofc important) these past few years. Would love to see you around here more often if you’re ever up for it, for sure! ❤

[@Wellyafoundme]

I have been lost emotionally, you and many others inspire me. I am writing letting you know that while Im listening to you I am writing and using my voice for change. I want to make this world a better place, for all of us.

[@bluumondayy]

this video was the first time i untensed my shoulders today. i finally feel like i'm not the only one suffering and holding all of this in my brain.

[@jjordansuccess1015]

Hiii KAI, I was here to be nosy at first but you educated me, I am also happy to hear your life update, whether we realize it or not we're all overwhelmed but distract ourselves to put up with it...I like your approach! Cause life really a nightmare out here

[@renaywaterman815]

So refreshing to see you post! I missed your videos! ❤

[@_ayannaxo]

Hey Kai! I have been watching your videos since 2019. I resonate so much with your content. (I'm a 23 year old black queer autistic woman from the DMV who has just been diagnosed less than a month ago. I dropped out of college back in 2020, but I finally decided to resume my schooling at a community college too this past fall where I can only take a certain amount of classes at a time. I deal with overstimulation also and find socializing and performing daily tasks quite challenging and time consuming.) As you mentioned in this video, representation is really important and I am truly grateful for your insightful videos that help me feel less alone, understood, and validated. I admire how intelligent, articulate, and honest you are. Thank you for sharing such vulnerable thoughts and experiences. ❤

[@kid-ava]

I'm black, queer, have complex trauma and potentially ND. I love and appreciate the content you put out

[@abbieamavi]

Kai I'm so proud of you. I've been subscribed for awhile and you always keep it genuine. One of the only "influencers" I follow and actually enjoy seeing. Also beautiful to see you thriving in your Black queer and autistic life, when I last watched your videos a lot, I think you still lived in Atlanta, and maybe you had just realized you had ADHD. So incredibly proud of you, I'm so happy for you that you found your people, and are prioritizing mental health and safety. Sending you all the love and joy, and welcome back 💞

[@akaimarje]

i relate to alot of this and its so hard

[@MeintheMiddle1]

I think you should look into PMDD, if you are having 2 good weeks and 2 bad weeks. The mood swings may be it related to your menstrual cycle specifically the luteal phase. That estrogen drop after ovulation is the worst and can be super debilitating. I was just prescribed estrogen during that 10 day period and its a miracle in a bottle.

[@BeHisMasterpiece]

I remember stumbling across your channel when you were posting college content. And yesterday I randomly remembered your channel and came back. I pray that God will give you His peace that surpasses all understanding and some of the things you’re going through (even those you silently battle) He will begin to heal 🙏🏾 ❤

[@Naa_amanua]

you being visible validates my experience a lot, thank you

[@MuvaEarf]

whenever you do pop out, it's always a word 🙏🏾

[@thehodgepodge6]

Thank you Kai! I am black, queer, and autistic. I loved what you share about gender and I feel similarly! I noticed growing up, I had a lot of obstacles that prevented me from questioning but now since I do not have those pressures, it’s a lot easier for me to be my true self. Not sure if you have read “The Future is Disabled” by Leah Lakshmi Piepsna-Samarasinha, but it’s a good book talking about the what the future of disability will look like. Good stuff though! 🖤

[@sappho_yoongz039]

At 13:32, i felt this so hard. Doing online classes i have my pronouns as (He/Him) next to my name during our zoom classes and we even had introductions for what we'd prefer to be called. It's been weeks but they settle for they to refer to me. Even my queer teachers!! like I get it, I don't look like a guy but cmon man

[@bisoulune5879]

It’s a breath of fresh air to see other people who hold the same values and I’m also autistic with OCD + ADHD. Thank you for making your content❤

[@shatasiaj]

Kaiiii omg 😭😭 loved sitting down with you at least that’s what it felt like I miss your content so much I also wanted to say thank you for using your platform to speak about the multiple genocides happening rn AND the importance of recognizing how little we all know loved this take thank you for being here!

[@ThePaperbackFairy]

Thank you for sharing Kai, I appreciate this discussion and your vulnerability. I’m part of the queer autistic community and I relate a lot you experience. Thank you again, you’ve made my day a little bit better!

[@LibraLife47]

So glad to see and hear you. 💜

[@OGseoulite]

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH KAI😭😭 I don’t follow you on socials cause I did a social media cleansing & removed a lot my filling but I’m glad to see you’re still alive & well❤❤❤❤

[@rosiiie3840]

I missed you sm! been watching you since your high school vids

[@Sage-26819]

Kai you are so inspiring. Thank you for being you

[@ShalemAhava]

I feel seen here 🥹, thanks for expressing your thoughts sis

[@madisonshipp8991]

hi Kai, I appreciate your vulnerability and representation so much as someone who is also black, queer and autistic/ ADHD. I am excited for more of your videos :) (if you end up continuing to post on youtube!). I resonated with a lot of the points you shared

[@katelyngraham4260]

I so feel the "i feel like my dreams are not enough" like in the grand scheme of things it justs seems so unimportant like my dreams have to go further than just me. Its seems almost selfish idk idk

[@ijomi]

like the desire to do nothing because the future feels so bleak yet living in a capitalistic society is such a funnnnn dichotomy 😻

[@jadabrown2569]

I love your videos, kai! It’s really cool that you are authentically yourself. I think that’s what it’s all about!

[@mariacampos5049]

Hi Kai, its so nice to have u back, I’ve been watching your content for years. I appreciate your thoughts and dedication so much. Hope everything goes well 🫶🏼

[@Seia894]

Not to also mention hospitals across states are closing!!! It’s crazy out here.

[@serinat2181]

Hi Kai, thank you for sharing your experiences. I am a WOC and can relate to the above title. Sending you lots of love and thank you for being a safe space for me when the real world isn't so kind 😥😭❣

[@sivgreyson]

can’t believe the amounts of overlaps i share with this creator, in terms of our shared politics or how we understand our autism. i really hope he’s somewhere being held in safety and joy 🥺 here’s to relationships and understandings of self that feel more liberatory than prescriptive 🙂‍↕️

[@emidragon2017]

Hey! I just saw your video and i really relate to you sm holy crap!!! I was considered gifted growing up and pushed to do so much so i burntout. But yes literally being slower paced in what i do helps so much! Glad you showed up on my feed, hope to see more c:

[@elle.roiproductions]

WELCOME BACK KAI! I have PDA Autism and gender queer as well. Everything about this video was spot on. Including being a gay man in a past life. I always tell ppl, yea I'm straight but I love men the like a man. It's nice to see others like me exist. It's been a very lonely 39 years.

[@lovelifesing123]

i resonate so deeply with everything that you've spoke about

[@nunua8294]

Kai is BACK!

[@rebirthofaspiritualbeing]

I'm so sorry about you suffering from the shortage - when I moved back to CT from NC I couldn't get my Adderall filled for about a month, and every month after that for about the first 4 I would regularly go about 3 weeks without my medication and it was driving me crazy. I hope that you can find a pharmacy which keeps a regular supply soon

[@C6LD]

Kai’s back 🙌🏾

[@posd6893]

Kai is back!!!!!!!!

[@sleepypapas]

so freaking relatable!🫶🏼love everything you have to say👂🏼i missed your videos!!🤩

[@BlakaveliX]

Omg is great to see you!

[@sophiahillman4219]

I literally love Kai. I've always felt like he's one of the only creators who is sooooo legit about the Black and queer experience. I guess some people feel it seems niche but it's literally so liberating hearing a creator that can actually empathize with my experience and they've always been so inclusive. Also I fully agree with the claim that Love on the Spectrum infantilizes people with autism... I just feel like there are no or maybe not enough neurodivergent and/or autistic people behind the camera.

[@christine3477]

The surprise i didnt know i needed!

[@Starr_lit]

Love your dreads ❤, hair tutorials on hair plz

[@disorientedbutterfly]

I have access to the medication and I feel so guilty bc I constantly forget to take it.

[@sadefan536]

You’ve been missed dearly. ❤

[@esperanzaduran-stawiski8590]

They just read so many parts of my life I felt isolated in in the first 10 mins

[@MartinAndGina]

Omg Kai, I swear it was about 4 days ago that you randomly popped up in my head and I meant to look you up. Then this video popped up on my timeline! My mind is blown. But imma go ahead and watch the video

[@CHARIS7531]

Missed you ❤

[@ericahertzberg9390]

You popped into my recommended and I'm not done watching yet BUTI really felt the pause after the PDA definition where you were like,,,, I'm 24. Me too, sibling. I am also a 24 year old kid

[@ShadowsingerAzi]

Kaiiiiii!!! We've really missed you

[@fionagallagherapologist5968]

i missed you sm !! i resonate with this video deeply

[@thefemaleuzi]

I been watching your channel since I was a freshman, now I’m a senior and I move out this summer omgggg 🙂💗💗💗

[@morgipi]

missed you ily

[@Kymbrlei]

Yes your backkkkk! 🫶🏽

[@handle1O0O0O]

7:17 this!!!! I’m literally in the same position rn, been wondering/thinking the same thing

[@victoriajoy2357]

your vulnerability is very warming, thank you :)

[@silly-goose-123]

....what. I'm not only also queer, black, and autistic but we have almost the same name too. My name is Ky.💀 Hi twin lmfao

[@marzemarcel9529]

I feel, and have felt like you were my better spoken other part. I feel like you're what I could have done if I were more clear and concise with my words. I know I shouldn't put a damper on myself because of autism and other perceptions, but people make it clear what they're are and aren't willing to watch, and I couldn't put out videos that I know people wouldn't be able to stand getting through. I'm so grateful you exist and you've gone through this journey. I am asexual as well, and I think it has a lot to do with my germphobia, I don't have OCD, I just have sensory issues and I don't like touching a lot of people. Thank you and once I'm better financially, I'll be able to sub to your patreon and catch up over there

[@prettypri1740]

Hope you’re doing Alr Kai

[@Deliverancepoet]

Im queer and have the same diagnoses 😢 life feels impossible. I'm trying to get a book completed now. ❤❤ good luck to you and everyone reading this struggling

[@Joshdifferent]

It’s wild out here

[@Jstmaree_]

I got excited like this was a ft call😂😂😂

[@Livingscandalbih]

Keep your head up ❤️

[@kennypham3856]

Jesus, I'm Asian, gay (a dude), and Autistic! I need to listen to this!

[@knottycurl]

No one has to accept you and you won’t feel negatively about that once you fully accept yourself.

[@kaifoster]

you can feel negatively about things and fully accept yourself.

[@senhor_errante]

I am a bi autistic dude from brazil. I'm 20 and feeling very lonely. It's kinda hard for me to make friends, I usually end up going to places I don't wanna go just to feel like I am part of a group, and I always end up feeling worse. Anyway sorry for oversharing a bit, but your video made me feel like I could still find others who are a bit more like me, and that was kinda nice.

[@aw16922]

I remember when you moved to ATL while I was in college there and I wanted to meet you and be your friend so bad lol

[@100Stratusfiedx]

14:02 omg. This was me. In fact even in high school people thought I was asexual. This was a great conversation I can relate to a lot of things you said. Also that vyvanse/adderral shortage was hell.

[@msjuier]

bro that one hit close to home 🫶🏼T^T

[@j3llyfru1t]

thank you

[@alexandriajade]

Your hair looks great darling.

[@auriannewithane]

I totally relate as a black boy on the spectrum to many of the points about romance.. but then again its like none of that sounds weird or out of the ordinary to me? like that should be the norm to j chill out at 17, 18 to find a decent person. Most of us haven't figured out sexuality or what we like sexually. The bigger conversation should be why heterosexual hypersexualization is still the norm in teens not why are you a virgin at ...? and don't get me started on the stupid patriarchal invention of virginity 🥲

[@lovelifesing123]

you are amazing. thank you for your video it's awesome

[@sebastianf6499]

Hey beloved, here's a ❤! I love your video. Signed, a Black queen like me ✊🏿🏳‍🌈

[@mjames8025]

👑Kai 🥰

[@bevs9995]

I read this title as "Diary of quiet black music."

[@roberttravers7587]

Great video!😁

[@lov3ufari]

the vyvanse shortage is the worst

[@divinelikewine]

This was excellent ❤❤

[@queencece8666]

Truth it’s really just honesty and none of that fake positive bulls hit

[@strvmpet]

Thank you

[@sivgreyson]

felt.

[@ayishaluke649]

at 13:09 talks about how some people are not even ethically queer, i’m kinda new to the community and i’m trying to find out what you mean by that can someone help i feel like i heard the statement before.

[@ThatAutisticBlackMan]

Being ethically queer is about embodying values of justice, integrity, and compassion in both personal and collective actions, within the framework of queer identity and experience. Being ethically queer can involve actively advocating for social justice, equity, and inclusivity for all marginalized groups, not just within the LGBTQ+ community. This may include supporting intersectional movements and challenging systems of oppression.

[@j8cqu3lin3]

always enjoy watching your videos, Kai. the peace you are searching for is found only in the arms of Jesus.

[@kaifoster]

i disagree

[@cryptid479]

Hey there! I know I’m a few months late to this, but I’ve just now gotten to watching this and I personally am kinda confused on what you meant when you said most queer ppl aren’t queer ethically, would you be willing to explain? I don’t mean to be rude in any way, I’m just curious /gen. Love the vid btw!!

[@myonesome]

I MISSED YOU MAMA

[@khanyi_oktober]

*non-invasive comment/opinion* Would you consider leaving your country and doing an exchange program somewhere? I imagine you spending a year somewhere totally different , doing creative stuff however you wanna

[@sanayajames6936]

2 years ago, you were posting videos about healing and spiritual journey. Are you still on that journey (if you don’t mind me asking)? I’ve always been very spiritual, and now I’m questioning if I have autism or not. But idk if I’m convincing myself I do or if I actually have it. Sorry if this is outta pocket lmao

[@diminarchy]

Hey sorry if this is unwanted advice, but in lue of stimulants bupropion has helped me a lot with executive functio I have Autism, ADHD, and cPTSD so its something i really struggle with. It did take like 2 weeks before I felt the effect though

[@diminarchy]

Its also a med they give out (relatively)easily. I've never had a shortage. I double my dose in the winter