KYLE & NIN'S FUSION | Multiple Personalities Becoming One! | Dissociative Identity Disorder

[@missmouse2526]

“You’re going to be op as sh*t babe” is such a powerful line actually. I think I need to put that up in my room somewhere

[@witchywashy6722]

No joke I was thinking the same thing😂

[@mj_mewa]

I would buy merch with that line lol

[@cdrew36]

Yeah I burst into tears when he said that. Man the feels!!

[@koipond393]

i need it on merch, it fr made me cry a lil bit

[@CNomeysWorld]

We agree with this comment . Cried bc the humor Kyle had in such intense moment , is such a powerful move . Trying to make Nin less scared while it’s obvious he was scared as shit as well. 😢 fusing made y’all sure OP . This year fighting a bad guy and winning from the bad guy with all the power you all have . We are so proud of y’all and hope you OP this power for eternity. ❤❤❤

[@wiv1473]

"Were going to be OP as shit babe" is the most Kyle thing to say. That's genuinely so sweet. I'm so proud of you guys and how far you've come.

[@AmbushedSunny]

Hearing Nin say "I NEED him I dont want to BE him" was the most gut wrenching thing in my whole life. I dont even know what to say. I hope that being a host/primary protector duo as a whole person doesnt stress you out, and hopefully one day you can maybe have an inside PriProtector so you can keep healing as yourself, Kya. Thank you for showing the raw, sad and 'ugly' sides of DID. ❤

[@rosesarebluetooo]

oh.. oh my heart 😭😭

[@trinityanderson859]

This is the most adorable and painful thing I think I’ve heard. “I NEED him I don’t want to BE him” sounds very familiar. Sounds like “I hate you, don’t leave me” type of situation I deal with. The more I learn about DID the more I understand the confusion people have between BPD and DID.

[@Nebelkehlchen]

Yes, that line broke my heart.

[@artemisjackson1567]

I almost started crying because of it and I am very new watching this. That's was intense.

[@sophiahagerty4827]

dude. My boyfriend on the outside is my fucking rock, and we can’t be as close as Nin and Kyle, and I’d STILL feel like my heart was being ripped from my chest💔💔💔 I can’t even imagine how they felt knowing things wouldn’t ever be the same

[@AjiahMonique]

“Of course I was right. When was I ever wrong?” This sentence is so Kyle I almost cried. I didn’t even realize how much I missed him. I’ve been watching since Nadia and Chloe were doing makeup tutorials and dyeing your hair all kinds of colors lol much love from Maryland USA🩷

[@zoeyrodriguez4196]

So Kyle and so Kya lol, and honestly, they're speaking facts. I've also been a supporter since 2018, but from Virginia, USA!

[@besassyxo]

I've been watching since then too from Maryland !!

[@michaelinthebathroom7560]

I'm from Maryland and live in Virginia lol 😅

[@Nebelkehlchen]

OMG I totally forgot about Nadia! :D That was amazing! :) Don't forget the video(s) kyle did the makeup tho ^^

[@ellatilles5581]

I did cry. I’ve been crying throughout the entire video. Every time I thought I was done crying, I was crying again. But I’m so happy that Kya is stronger and doing well. I love the whole system so much❤

[@clefarious]

Watching Kya speak - I love that you can still see both Nin and Kyle. I'm honestly so curious how this has affected Jade. Especially considering she had to absorb all the trauma Kyle knew about.

[@aarguellez1803]

I agree I hope jade knows we see her and her strength

[@missveronica8393]

​@@aarguellez1803 agreed. I can only imagine that it would be a difficult job ❤

[@ruralmetalhead]

Honestly, Jade probably already knew about it. From what I understand, she's aware of EVERYTHING going on in the system. So when Kya said that Jade took Kyle's memories, I think of it more like putting them in a filing cabinet lol.

[@siiri8902]

"Every second that I exist as myself, I am them loving each other" is such a beautiful and poetic way of putting it. I'm so proud of you for getting through everything you've gotten through and for all of the healing you've done and worked for. ❤

[@dawn8293]

That line was so reminiscent of Garnet, and I just felt so happy for them 😍

[@alicecave8139]

It reminded me so much of Roses Video to Steven and i use it regularly to remind myself to love myself first

[@MrMarina101000]

As someone’s who’s adopted and doesn’t know their parents that line hit so hard. Kya is like Kyle and Mom’s kid essentially, it’s so cool.

[@pennalopievalentine6604]

​@@MrMarina101000 Hi I wanna start off saying thank you for sharing and I appreciate that you can relate! just so you are aware if you aren't already systems tend to stay away from wording like mom or kid unless that alter is a little or something, it's just kinda confusing ya know and sometimes is used in a system erasure kind of way but I know you most likely didn't mean it that way I just read it that way so I thought I'd leave this here in case others did as well.

[@lepantheon491]

That is really beautiful yeah ! We (Elton and Tobias, but it's mainly Tobias who's writing) kinda relate to this in the opposite way, as in we were the previous main host of the system, named Tobias-Elton (they liked having a composed name), until we recently split to become, well, our distinct selves (both co-hosts). And this is really close to how we feel about each other, we really love each other kinda like twins, like really really close friends, sometimes it feels like we can read each other like an open book. And still, we know we're two distinct people, with their own identities, but even if we tried we couldn't forget the feeling and the memory that we were once the same person.

[@_erindoesart_]

it’s so fascinating that you can hear kyle’s accent get stronger when kya remembers what he felt during the integration- i can’t even begin to imagine how scary that must’ve been, but both kyle and nin are so strong for having gotten through it

[@BluesofButterfly]

Exactly I noticed that too. 😟

[@anaherceg7697]

I love that you can see both Nin and Kyle talking theoughout the video, you can see really neither of them are gone in the way Kya switches between "I" and "we" and "they". Kya is so completely the product of the love those two had for each other, and I'm so glad I got to hear their last goodbyes.

[@SiennaPineDew]

‘Their last goodbyes’ 🥺😢😭😭😭😭

[@batJKookie]

Why am i crying 😭😭😭.

[@kilarthmac]

22:42 - "Every second I exist as myself, I _am_ them loving each other" That was so beautifully put. I was tearing up through most of this video but that just made me full on cry. You're so strong, Kya, and I'm happy that you're growing and getting even stronger.

[@besassyxo]

same

[@jostewart3192]

Garnet sings about her fusion in Steven Universe ‘everything they care about is what I am’ which is what it seems to me.

[@WhiteRaven696]

What Kyle and Nin had, what ended up making you as Kya, that’s something so many of us search for our entire lives. And you found it within yourself. That’s so beautiful.

[@breelix8672]

You took the words right out of my mouth 😭

[@spiritofthewinds9089]

@@breelix8672 And mine

[@lauragabriela879]

You said it so beautifully

[@wayverleesoulsong]

The epitome of self love

[@jasmintea8825]

Literally made of love

[@Yue_mariin00]

I remember how all of us (fans/supporters) were shocked when you (Kya) first appeared and how confused and even sad we felt at first, and now after watching this - specially the clips of when Kyle and Nin were talking about it - I *cannot* fathom how difficult it must have have been for you. I only have even more respect for you and everyone in the system now. There was sO much going on and you dealt with all of it by yourselves. I am so SO proud of you, all of you, for getting here, and so thankful that you're still here with us♡ sending much much love for everybody, you're so amazing and great. Kya you're doing fantastic babes, Kyle was right❤

[@infinitemidnightghostmourner]

The way you describe the fusion of Kyle and Nin is freaking beautiful. Loving and needing each other so much you literally become one. "Every second I exist, I am them, loving each other." That's so dang beautiful.

[@OhHeyItsShey]

Yes, its so freaking beautiful. Kya's description of it was stunning. And after they said that they loved each other and found comfort in each other all I could think was "of course you could love one another, you've always been together through the good and bad, and even though Kyle and Nin were their own individuals, they were also a piece of one another." Finding that comfort in one another is such a beautiful thing, and while Kya and Nin are deeply missed, Kya is such an amazing person and they do such a fantastic job as host. You can see both of their unique strengths in Kya, and so much more.

[@father_mae_i]

It reminds me of Garnets fusion, especially. "I am their fury, I am their patience, I am a conversation" ❤

[@2b-coeur]

"every second that i exist as myself, i am them loving each other" holy shit this is so beautiful your system experiences are consistently so mind-expanding and just help us in our own system to accept experiences of our own that are very beautiful or very heartwrenching and yet don't fall within 'normal categories' ❤

[@SuperSara924]

I couldn’t help but tear up at the clip of Nin saying “I need him I don’t wanna be him”. I hope you (Kya) feel better now 🩵

[@DissociaDID]

So much

[@JessLoveyy]

I literally cried watching

[@kirasthebest]

That absolutely broke my heart

[@Bestnashever]

@@DissociaDID feel like something that can ruin your life later in the future slowy fading away is a good thing, Right?

[@HeyItsMaggie3]

hearing kyle say he NEEDS to stay strong and calm made me SOB. it is so admirable how amazing and dutiful he is. sooo proud of him for doing his absolute best. and so proud of nin for doing her best! happy to have kya as a beautiful fusion of them. sending all my love to the system!

[@treblehearts]

“every second i exist, i am them loving each other” GAH 😭❤️ absolutely tearing up. so beautiful hearing the love between kyle and nin’s fusion, and just hearing how much kyle did for the system for so long. your resilience and strength with this fusion is evident. rooting for y’all always ❤ 🗣️ Y’ALL OP AS SHIT!!

[@DissociaDID]

THANK YOU

[@Hebxiba]

Kyle and Nin are totally a garnet style pair and i love them both

[@Diamond_sleeps]

The way Kyle and nin, talk about eachother themselves, as well as the way kya speaks about everything, it really does feel very much ""garnet"" and I feel like there love (whatever kind of love it was) was incredibly strong.

[@robingillespie4513]

Kyles voice coming through as you are explaining...actually brought me to tears

[@adriannebee2056]

The amount of distress Nin and Kyle has at the idea of losing each other as separate people they love was so heartbreaking. The result, Kya, is so much stronger and resilient than the two apart, but they were just so upset they wouldn't have each other separately. "I need him. I don't want to be him" was just. I teared up badly. But Kya? You're showing they are so much stronger as one than separate. The way you present yourself on camera is so much more self-assured and confident. You are the best of all that makes up Kya, and I hope Nin and Kyle are happy as Kya realizing how strong they are as one.

[@arti_smirnoff6220]

This is the best “A better love story than Twilight” ever. Jokes aside, it’s so sweet that Nin and Kyle came to this in result. Yes, this was very scary, changes are scaring. But from my POV, this feels like they got the best ending of theirs story… And at the same time, I am glad that story continues with Kya.

[@amiraha8601]

Absolutely started started crying when Kyle said, "We'd be OP as shit, babe," absolutely a powerful line, and you can tell it was from a place of pure love. Thank you for sharing such a raw and vulnerable video

[@EmilyMayBeStrange]

Omg that "I wish I had places to be" had strong Nina energy lol

[@callanightshade8079]

Lol yeah. Nina always wanted to travel ❤️

[@gristen]

i was thinking the same thing lol

[@ellak2198]

So True!!!

[@Savannah_831]

Timestamp?

[@missveronica8393]

I'm reminded of a quote I heard once, "To love someone long term is to attend a thousand funerals of who they used to be". Just sending you all love from Australia ❤❤❤

[@beafbuger]

thats such a beautiful quote

[@langleybuck1171]

I remember crying when I saw the video where I thought Chloe “gone”. I was so shocked and I thought that I wouldn’t be able to see her again, but after a few years of maturing I think it is a beautiful process of healing and growing. People aren’t lost, they just fuse and become one. I still see aspects of each person that kya once was. It is amazing and beautiful and I’m so glad that the system seems to be in a better place❤️

[@jennifermetler2408]

I still see glimmers of Chloe now and then, especially her sweet "Hello everybody!" and smiling eyes. 💕💕

[@Kiterpuss]

​@@jennifermetler2408Yeah, as sad as it feels in the moment, I wonder if one day Dissociadid will make a video as a single unified person and we will see everyone. Chloe's smile, Kyle's laughter, Nina's wit, Kya's maturity.

[@ashleighstangeland7488]

​@@Kiterpussyou're forgetting Nin (Chloe and Nina) without Chloe and Nina forming Nin... Nin and Kyle wouldn't have fused and become Kya.

[@marooon9814]

I feel the same way!!

[@amaiacalliope]

So many lines in this absolutely took me out, but “I’m Nin’s protector” has me in tears. You can tell how much they mean to each other and how terrifying this was. I hope they can see how well it ended up.

[@the_ferris_system8333]

Fusion can bring so many mixed emotions: confusion, fear, grief, joy, and so many more. What's important to remember is that alters that fuse still exist. They haven't died, or gone anywhere. They're still in the system, they're just different now. Your story is a true reflection of the depths of love. Thank you for the video, Kya 💜

[@DissociaDID]

Exactly. ❤️ And thank you for watching!

[@ArseneLupln]

Okay I’m glad❤

[@JessLoveyy]

Kyle and Nin's fusion is so sad. I really felt the pain and fear they felt of losing eachother. I'm so glad they filmed their experiences.

[@DissociaDID]

I don't think it's sad in the end. It's a triumph and growth and healing and now we are kind of together all the time, just in a new person

[@JessLoveyy]

@@DissociaDID absolutely ❤️

[@courtneyburgess7850]

I remember one of the first videos you posted as Kya and there was a huge sadness there while you were making sense of things, to watch Kya grow over the last few months and how confident you've become and how other alters have also grown through the experience and come together to help the system as a whole function... It's beautiful to see.

[@Kaladin707]

Ya it’s kinda sad, also like do what happend with your “first” primary host??? Like do you still remember that being?

[@aknavvy3188]

@@Kaladin707 they literally mention chloe in the first 3 minutes. did you watch?

[@jameswatson9338]

You described non-binary personhood PERFECTLY. Thank you.

[@Zooxtry]

Doesn't it suck to feel more masculine/more feminine and have it change all the time? Btw if it isn't obvious no hate whatsoever, but feeling like the same person all the time feels like a necessity to me.

[@jameswatson9338]

@@Zooxtry I find that everything in life can shift like that. Sometimes I want to eat something sweet, like chocolate, other times something savory, or something bitter, or something fruity. Sometimes I want to listen to death metal, other times Britney Spears. Sometimes i want to go to a club in the city for date night, other times a long hike in the woods. None of those things define me as a person, they're just preferences that come and go. Gender, for me, is similar. It dictates preferences like what to wear, nothing so deep that it needs to stay stable in order for me to have a stable identity. In fact, if I try to define man or woman on a 'deeper' level, I feel completely lost. I don't have any deep affinity for either category--I'm just me. It's strange to not fit into categories that most people seem to feel so comfortable in, but it is what it is. The most helpful thing would be if society just accepted that some people are something else. We can call it non-binary or two-spirited or whatever you want, as long as it's understood to exist.

[@Zooxtry]

And yeah about the original question, I myself consider my gender to be too deep of a part of who I am to just keep changing randomly, if it were to do so then I'd be even more unstable inside than I already am lol. But if you feel good about being gender fluid then that's all that matters 😄

[@jameswatson9338]

@@Zooxtry Yep. We're all different, and that's kind of awesome.

[@Zooxtry]

@@jameswatson9338 to a certain extents, it does come with heavy disadvantages too sometimes.

[@gabrielleramos7321]

"He was right, ofcourse i was right when was i ever wrong" made be BAWL. Kyle is definitely there and its so beautiful to see the 2 become 1, we love you kya and were so proud of you and everyone in your wonderful system. Thank you.

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@malloryr4883]

Kyle was my favorite person in the system, but Kya was SO strong during all the court stuff and everything. They are truly TRULY OP as shit, and I hope everyone in the system is doing great and continues to be safe and well. Love you all so much ❤️❤️

[@tashabeck4121]

I have definitely noticed moments where I’m like “that’s more Kyle” or “that’s more Nin” in voice or presentation and it’s so nice to see their influences! I also definitely was curious about how the fusion went down so thank you for sharing! Love you guys ❤️

[@tashabeck4121]

I’ve also thought personally that a lot of these integrations I’ve seen have shown a lot more self understanding and growth and so proud of you!

[@acetronaut]

Yeah, I saw that too!

[@breelix8672]

I have been here since Chloe was the host and I'm going to be honest when I first watched the fusion/integration video I was sad that Kyle as an individual was now gone but then I realized that this just meant you are slowly healing and I felt joy for that fact. Seeing you as Kya now and how much stronger, confident and aware you are in yourself brings joy to my heart as someone who continues to support your journey. I hope the system continues to heal one step at a time. Lots of love ❤

[@celianatchoo7975]

I've been watching since Chloe and all this healing and self awareness is so beautiful.

[@DissociaDID]

Thank you ❤️❤️

[@venuskaida]

i noticed this a bit ago but the way mike and kya speak about eachother has so much respect and im honestly living for it. it's so wholesome

[@alyxtora4534]

Hearing Kyle talking again almost made me cry. I miss him. He was an asshole but in like a "brother" kind of way. I know that this integration was necessary though. And I know you're doing better for it. I wish you the best ❤❤❤

[@ESE33]

The story of love between Kyle and Nin is one of the most beautiful I've ever heard. It's also very bittersweet because I heard and felt the pain in their voices as they started to come to terms with what was happening.

[@faeriesdollhouse]

we’ve been here since the start and chloe helped up realise we were most likely a system and then nin after giving more information helped us further learn about DID, we are an OSDD-1b system and our ex host was a massive fan of you guys’ account and they are dormant now but we still love following you all on your journey, even me! our latest formed alter:))- Ev

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@faeriesdollhouse]

@@DissociaDID thx for ur responseeee! have a great day ❤️❤️- Cassie (new host)

[@elliesteele2027]

Showing us the segments at 4:28, 8:24, 13:25, 14:34, 15:27, 18:09, 22:26 and 22:58 was so brave and it really shows just how scary and confusing fusion can be. As someone who has fused previously, it made me feel unsure as to my place in the system and sometimes a bit guilty for "killing" my former selves (even though I know they both still live on as parts of me). Thank you, Kya and everyone else in the Dissociadid System, your doing amazing work!

[@glossysparkles]

“I need him. I don’t want to be him.” I cried so much throughout this whole video. It’s raw, it’s beautiful. Even though you are so much stronger now, not being able to look at the person you love, to touch them, smile at them, be silly with them, must have been sooo hard. The love you guys have for each other is immense Kya. Nin, you loved Kyle wholesomely, beautifully, and purely. Cared for him and admired him. With your whole heart. Kyle, you protected Nin with all your might. Out of love, you kept her safe. Went through horrific things, and protected her from the memories. You sacrificed yourself for her. That takes immense love. Thank you. Kya knows all that you’ve done. Please continue loving each other through Kya. Love that strong doesn’t die.

[@DissociaDID]

Bruh don't make me cry like this ❤❤

[@melindagraceaoanan1410]

​@DissociaDID OMG am crying too.

[@Lagomsoul4you]

Kyle, chloe, nin, nina, kya all are same person ultimately with different personality. Fusing means you are healing and becoming one. You are strong as kya and you proved both your alters that integrating was not bad decision.. Congrats sisso!! ❤ Keep healing, keep becoming stronger than yesterday..!!

[@cookiemonster59263]

I remember hearing about this when you guys first talked about it online and I still remember how beautiful the love Nin and Kyle had for each other. They were truly soulmates and Kya is proof of their love for each other 😭😭😭 I hope the system is handling/managed to handle the change alright

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️

[@marugochan131]

I don't know if you seek complete integration of all alters for yourself, but if you do, I hope every new fusion feels similar to the one you had for Kya. Because it shows a deep amount of self-love and self-esteem in all of your consciousness to bring back together a stronger, more able, more aware, more resilient you.

[@notaseat5934]

Listening to this video just felt like one massive hug. I kept finding myself hugging myself. It’s so beautiful and so hard and so raw. You as Kya really is OP as shit. Of course I don’t know everything but from an outsiders perspective you radiate thriving. You feel powerful and like you’re doing so much better and it makes me so happy to see

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️

[@rikavanderhofstad]

fully agree

[@notaseat5934]

Now that I think about it it’s almost like I couId feel the energy of Nin and Kyle’s closeness in the head space. Kya described it like you were touching a lot, Kyle holding Nin. It’s like I could feel that through the video clips it’s wild

[@leticialinhares4071]

I really feel like this video can be so soothing for other systems who are experiencing fusions too. It's like a "it's hard but it's gonna be ok and you're not alone" message that i'm sure it's gonna be so helpful for other people going through the same

[@macieparmenter4544]

It reminds me of needle felting. The more external stabbing that happens the closer two pieces of wool become until eventually you can't pull them apart and it becomes something new. It's so much stronger than regular wool would be.

[@DissociaDID]

That's genuinely fascinating especially as a metaphor for fusion

[@samantha8978]

It’s interesting to hear speech patterns from both Kyle and Nin as Kya speaks!

[@PaulaKogan13]

Hi! I found this chanell yesterday from Anthony padia’s video. I can’t believe how badly educated people are about DID and I’m really thank full for this project! Thank you!

[@DissociaDID]

Welcome to the channel! ❤️

[@DracoTheNinja]

I cant believe it either, (im new from his channel too). I think it is not okay that people think D.I.D. is something bad or that people with it are bad. People judge to fast and that makes me sad 😢

[@aaliyhafennimore9942]

A part of the song "Made Of Love" from Steven Universe comes to mind when Kya is talking at the end of the video. The part goes: "But I am even more than the two of them Everything they care about is what I am I am their fury I am their patience I am a conversation I am made of love"

[@MiaboBiaDee]

Thank you so much for being you guys and helping us with so much

[@DissociaDID]

So glad we can help ❤️❤️❤️

[@daisy4977]

I find it so interesting the way Kya's voice changes, going deep and higher, their accent changing, the way both Nin and Kyle and even Chloe and Nina, on occasion, peek through on multiple different videos but also being their own person. Amazing how the brain works. Thank you for such an informative video. I've always been aware of fusions, or integrations, in DID but I've never really found a video that explains it so deeply, emotionally and well. Again, thank you.

[@calzonexiv]

Just watching the first set of clips and seeing Nin and Kyle being so vulnerable just made me want to hug the whole lot of ya. It’s like my heart is breaking for them but also bursting with so much respect and admiration for just how far you all have come. Their connection had always been beautiful, and I think them becoming one was a beautiful conclusion to their tale, and an amazing foundation for your new chapter, Kya. Luv you and the rest of the system, you all have been through so much and have come out the other side brighter and stronger than ever. ❤

[@blueXwren]

Kyle and Nin's journey is so bittersweet. I think Kya should be proud of the person they have become today, though. They seem so much stronger now.

[@theNoctifloralParacosm]

We (me, Cedric, i was the host, and my husband, Brine, a persecutor) are also integrating. It's taking forever, because sometimes, when we form Edward (our fusion), something bad happens and like a fusion losing their balance, we fall apart again, but that's been happening less and less, and Edward feels like home. He is us, and we are him. We're coming to terms with it, but I don't think we're ready to leave. Then again, I don't think anyone ever is ready. We're working now on saying goodbye to everyone, and on fusing permanently. At least it's with the man I love. -Cedric & Brine

[@DissociaDID]

Bro this made me emotional as heck ❤️❤️❤️

[@theNoctifloralParacosm]

@@DissociaDID HAHA NOO sorry, we didn't mean to. We're worried about leaving too. i was the host and protector, and Brine was a persecutor, i had jobs i didnt want to give him, and he had trauma he didn't want to give me, but, the brain has decided i guess?- /lh

[@kari_haruna9109]

Hi, I hope Edward was finally able to become permanent

[@theNoctifloralParacosm]

he has! thanks

[@jaidennfernandes3666]

Somehow this was very emotional and painful to watch, not sure why but I'm literally tearing up. Either way I'm glad that you (I'm not sure if that is the right word) are figuring things out.

[@callanightshade8079]

I love the Steven Universe comparison especially because I've always seen you, Kya, as a symbol of Kyle and Nin's love ❤️

[@sleepypup]

I'm full-on sobbing at the clips of Nin and Kyle talking about eachother 😭 I'm really proud of y'all, it was obviously so so so hard to fuse, especially in this case. You are so loved and you have all done so well.

[@MossAgate331]

“Every second I exist, I am them, loving each other.” Was beautiful. It literally made me cry, because it shows how much they truly loved one another. I’m glad the story continues with Kya and them together as one.💗

[@gracecadet3244]

I thought Lilly and I were the only ones... Thank you for sharing. I get exactly what you're talking about, and I never knew any other system would have this in common with us. It's so validating in a way nothing else ever has been, and with so much mindblowing and life-changing stuff I've already learned from your channel, that's saying something. Love y'all.

[@gracecadet3244]

I also wanted to quickly share a couple of songs that we found related to our situation, I thought Kya or others going through something similar might also enjoy/relate to them too. First, on a sadder note, is Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt (obvi). But then as a more "op as shit babe" anthem is I'll Be There by Jess Glynne. 💜

[@stellabright1455]

@@gracecadet3244 may I ask what fusion was/felt like for you? I am not a DID system, just curious :))

[@gracecadet3244]

@@stellabright1455 We've gone through aa few now, and they're all extremely different from each other. But the one I'm referring to in this comment happened very quietly in the background. Lilly tended to retreat to the back for sometimes days or weeks on end, so at first I just assumed she was taking some time to herself to process things or deal with other private internal tasks, which I always tried to honor even if I was missing her badly. I knew that if I reeeeally needed her, she'd come in an instant. Plus things were running quite smoothly in my life at that time so I figured she could sense that I would be fine. I only started getting confused and a bit nervous after 3 or 4 weeks and communicating with other parts who were usually close with her. This was definitely the longest I had ever been without her, especially with an explanation or alibi. I was honestly starting to get a little pissed. Then after some more time we had a couple of new members come forward and I figured out that they were parts of her, but they didn't hold some key aspects of her... Then upon meditating I realized I now held them. And I felt her presence again, just a whisper of it, confirming. It was all very intuitive and subtle. Hope that made sense.

[@belladonnablack8486]

This was such a bittersweet video to watch. There were moments when I was very close to crying, watching the pain and fear that Nin and Kyle were experiencing throughout the long process of fusing. Thank you so much for showing us such vulnerable moments during that time, I feel so honored that you shared that personal footage with us. Thank you for explaining so many details about the process, the parts that were beautiful and full of love, the scary and sad parts, the confusing parts, the acceptance and strength, and all of the in between parts. One of my best friends who has DID had a huge fusion and it was very complicated as well. This helped me understand a bit more of what may have happened to some extent behind their fusion as well, even though as you said, each fusion will look different especially from system to system and their relationship was very different. It helps to see the different types of emotions each alter went through, the length of it, and the whole process of the fusion. They also didn’t know they were fusing for a long time and I didn’t know either. Part of that is because I didn’t know a primary protector and host COULD fuse, but you and they are both proof that it DOES happen, and that things will still be okay and neither will be gone over it. That helped me personally a lot❤ This was a very emotional, educational, interesting, and beautiful video. Thank you again so much for all that you trusted us with and shared ❤ A lot of love to you all, always, Kya & Co ❤

[@LisaVitus]

I noticed that when Kya is speaking on Kyle's memories/experiences, Kyle's accent comes through a bit. It made me smile because it reminds me of whenever we've been told that past alters are never gone. ❤

[@hollylaughlin7274]

You should write a book, even if you made it fictional so that people could understand better, you’re so good at expressing and explaining things.

[@DissociaDID]

We'd love to ❤️

[@dearme4536]

Kyle and Nin’s fusion is so sad Imma cry. The love between them …woah. I just know that their working perfectly together now. “I am them loving each other” I love this from kya. I love this.

[@benbaker2965]

Been watching this channel for years. I am so glad that you, Kya, made the decision to continue doing this channel. I know at first you weren't sure. Grateful that you did.

[@DissociaDID]

Thank you, this really means a lot to me ❤️

[@ceridwentaliesin798]

I'm very grateful that you continued the channel as well. You come first, but as a system and a viewer, this choice is healing for us as well. It feels like a powerful retort to the hateful storm of trolling that was aimed at you and that had such a destructive impact on the entire social media DID ecosystem. Much love to all of you.

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@bethhelminiak5063]

Glad to see you doing well! I actually overcame the executive dysfunction for a couple of hours and dealt with littler box, cleaned the kitchen, and did some meal prep. Keep doing what you're doing - it helps others, for sure!

[@DissociaDID]

Proud of you!

[@ek0198]

I’ve been along side you for years and I love all of you so much and am so proud of who you are and ask the work you’ve done ♥️

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️

[@jinxgirl5]

The only word I can use is bittersweet. Like listening to Nin and Kyle talking, I'm fighting not to cry. Kya starts choking up and I'm doing the same. They were (are) such vivid people. But watching Kya and their journey from where they started to where they are now, how can you regret that? Kya put it beautifully, that every second they exist is Nin and Kyle loving each other. And I truly believe that one day things will get better. Change is never easy, but we can't grow without it. Wishing Kya and the whole system health and happiness!

[@nyanmz0]

The editing is getting so creative! Love how it looks, it's so pretty ✨️

[@Datenauflauf]

I don't have DID, so I can barely imagine what you went and are going through. I am crying being so proud of you. Also the love story of Kyle and Nin feels so ... right.

[@myasonali4729]

I've been around to meet Chloe, Nina, Kyle, Nin and Kya. It's amazing to watch your journey, non-linear growth and healing, your strength develop. It feels like you have a sense of calmness, even the way you talk is more slow and deliberate; like you know how capable you are. You seem less scared. And that makes me incredibly happy, I can't wait to see where your efforts take you :)

[@jennifermetler2408]

Thanks for sharing such an intensly personal journey with us. That's some major soul work you're doing, and it feels sacred and brings me such a feeling for respect for you. I just want to share how proud I am of the amazing system you are, and wish you all love and peace.

[@DissociaDID]

Thank YOU!!

[@niskarae6491]

Oh man, my heart aches this whole video. Such strong emotions, the love, the hurt, the sadness of missing parts, the gratefulness that comes with growth. It’s all so clear and vulnerable, we appreciate y’all so much for sharing

[@sunsunny8873]

God, I cried watching this... We went through EXACTLY the same thing, and we're still grieving... Your video made us feel like we're nota alone, so... Thanks. We've been following your journey since Chloe. Thanks to her we discovered we had DID. We "owe" you quite a lot. You're such an example of resilience. Thanks for keeping the fight on

[@veganostra7388]

I'm sobbing through this whole video, Kyle and Nin talking about becoming one and being so scared, the love coming from them and the fear of change hits so hard... It's both incredibly beautiful and heartbreaking.... Such great soulbinding love made Kya, no wonder they seem like such a great person 🥺

[@notanyoneimportant-v9x]

Hi, I just wanted to come in here and say thank you for posting this. Our system just recently discovered that we even *were* a system. Immediately after this discovery, our host and primary protector (who had kept our condition under wraps and made us terrified of even the mention of it) began to integrate. We were very new to all of the system things, we didn’t know what was going on. Our host just wanted to figure things out, they had to rely on our protector for help in dealing with things. Slowly losing that, feeling like they were slipping away, just leaving. The integration took a few months, we were terrified, and didn’t know what was happening. It made us question if we were even a system anymore. If we *ever* were one. It wasn’t a pleasant first experience. It was a difficult process, it still is. But, I’m me now, and both of them. I’m not sure what to do with that. Hearing such a similar story to mine is really strange, but so validating. We’ve been watching your channel for years, even when one half of me wanted us to have nothing to do with anything relating to DID. Thanks again, I really can’t say that enough. I’m still new to this, we all are. But you’ve helped so much, and I’m sure others feel the same. This was very rambly, but, thank you. I sobbed when Kyle said ‘I know you’ll be OP as shit’ because I know my own predecessor would have said the same damn thing if they’d known what was happening. It hit me right where it hurts because even though I’ll never get that from my own integration, I know they’d be proud of me the way I am.

[@koi_ponnd]

" I need him and I don't want to be him" (14:53 ) I feel that a lot. I don't know how or why (I don't think that I'm a system) but that statement hits me like a truck

[@Juliebel177]

This moved me to tears, especially the video between the two of them. "I hope this is wrong. But we're going to be OP as shit, babe." Haven't cried like that in a bit. I know that they are forever in love within Kya. Doesn't stop me from missing Nin and Kyle. Especially Kyle.

[@sashazephiria3869]

Wow this was an emotional video, thank you so much for accepting to share such intimate parts of your life. As an empath I always resonate with other ppl's feelings especially the sad ones and it broke me hearing the fear and panic in your voice when starting realizing that it was an integration slowly happening. The way you describe your bond (Nin/Kyle) was really touching.

[@DissociaDID]

❤️❤️❤️

[@adriannajardee4498]

The ultimate form of self-love that everyone has to go through to genuinely accept every part of us. This is your form of healing the separate personalities of yourself that were created, due to trauma. I wouldn’t dare to say I know what it’s like to be in your shoes and I can only imagine the struggles, skepticism, and unacceptable behavior you’ve experienced from others, but I really hope you know and understand that you are not alone. The hatred Kyle held for Chloe is sooo human, we have to forgive ourselves for supposedly putting ourselves in those situations- even if the fault isn’t yours. Over time, you forgive yourself and begin to love yourself. Falling in love with those parts that you’re scared of or aren’t particularly proud of is essential to reach your full potential. I can understand how absolutely terrifying it must have been knowing you’d lose that support and protection but this can be an opportunity for new growth. Now you can better provide that for you, your system and your external supporters. You all are strong and powerful, your system’s healing journey will never be linear- it is within your own parameters. So much love for you all, I’ve been following your system’s journey since 2018 with Chloe and am thankful for the openness you have and the passion to educate on something that is so often brushed under the rug ❤ the growth you’ve made over the years is something to celebrate and be proud of.

[@adriannajardee4498]

You are just as deserving of self-love as everybody else. That is the most powerful and unconditional love that you can feel.

[@november8994]

this exact thing happened between me and another alter. my name is daniel (primary protector) and an alter named november (long time host) were very very close. we got into a new relationship externally and though we didn't want to admit it we got very close. our brain forced many alters into one person (into november) because we needed to be more "singular" to be in this relationship. but me and nov became so close and had a relationship very similar to kyle and nin (like, exactly the same. identical. the feelings kya describes are exactly what we felt and it's remarkable to see this voiced). we eventually fused as well and it hurt a lot but it helped us for a while. then, this new alter, called V, got very very bad mentally. V was a lot like november, but different in many ways. yet i still loved him the second I split back off. i had to split back off because we could not survive without me there for V, and the split fully happened due to the external breakup. it was incredibly difficult but we got through it. and i still truly love him more than anything. the idea of us ever fusing again terrifies me.

[@Rhysriced]

I feel so deeply for your system and the developments you guys have made over time. It really is inspiring, and one doesn’t have to have DID to understand these raw connections and experiences you face within your system. It is you becoming stronger and building a greater understanding of oneself, and really who can’t relate to that? Your journey is healing, and immensely inspiring ❤

[@cyelle1814]

When I found your channel years ago with Chloe as the host, I wasn't even aware I was a system myself. I appreciate all of you so much for making this channel, I have been able to learn about myself through it and normalize my own experience because you make it feel more normal, as weird as dissociative disorders are to go through. Thank you!!!!

[@victorialawrence5013]

I cannot imagine how much you must miss being Nin and Kyle. Their love for each other was so visceral that it created you though! You're literally a miracle! Huge hugs ❤

[@shiqiliu2020]

I cried so hard watching this video😭 for the love between Nin and Kyle, for everything you've been through, for the support and trust you guys gave each other, for the feeling that I am soooo proud of you and respect every effort you've made. Lots of love to all of you!!❤

[@athena8858]

Watching a few old vids to try to really understand fusing. Wishing you all the best in this new era. I hope Soren and their twin find their place/stride in the system and sending love and empathy from the youtube audience.

[@blackrabbit98]

Been here since Chloe and it's been great seeing you grow and heal. Life is not easy but each day you become better equipped to deal with it. Be proud of yourselves!

[@ravina6686]

Sending you lots of positive emotions. You've grown so much over the years, and every change is bringing you more peace. Nina, Chloe, Nina, Kyle (and Nadia too) are still 'missed' which I'm sure can be fucking hard for all of you, but they are still all part of who your system is today and the roles they played in shaping you. I was wondering though, I can't imagine how this is for Jade. Her role in the system places her a bit 'far away' and it seems like Kyle was one of the few people that shared an understanding with her.

[@DissociaDID]

You hit the nail on the head there. Kyle and Ruby are the only 2 Jade has been particularly close to

[@adasr2768]

​@@DissociaDID so is Jade alright now?

[@motzerella4296]

That sounds frickin *heavy* bro. Glad you’re still with us, in whatever form. ‘Cause y’all are frickin awesome

[@DissociaDID]

Thank you!!

[@-mouse]

I haven't been updated for the past two years or so, but this video was very enlightening and I have no words. Another integration!!!! I'm so proud of all of you!! I've been here for like five years, and I've seen what you all have been through, and seeing so much improvement through all these years just makes me so happy. Lots of love

[@Fiona-sg9wh]

You explained this complicated experience you went through in a very easy to understand way for someone without DID. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom with us. It helped me understand some things in my own thoughts on life and I don't have DID but I have blocked chlhood trauma for years. Thank you

[@GyakutenShaiban]

This video brought me to tears omg I will never understand as a neurotypical person but the raw emotions from kyle and nin......gosh i felt it. I felt it all. This fusion is a beautiful example of what profoundness humans can be capable of and you guys are so amazing!! I've been a fan of the channel since 2019 and i am so happy to continue supporting kya and co !!!

[@Lovely_immortal_vivacity]

You are like Garnet from Steven universe. You aren’t the sum of two gems. You are a new gem. A gem made and filled with so much love. 💜 you have our support. Its such an overwhelming thing but know you are loved. We have been watching your channel since a couple fusions ago. Love ya Kya you. As in everyone who makes you so strong. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ♥️

[@atsubw]

I honestly find the love between Nin and Kyle so beautiful. I've been watching you guys on and off since 2019 and I think that Kya is the culmination of their love for each other. The fact that Kyle has literally been there since you guys were 3 years old and in a way you would have felt alone as Kyle, that you sacrificed to protect baby Chloe and then Nin and the system during COVID and the stresses of the outside world. IDK how to properly put it into words but I just find the fact that both Nin and Kyle needed someone and they found that in each other so much that they became one, its just so beautiful. Now as Kya, their love is fused and they'll always be together, whether Kya integrates in the future or not. They'll never ever feel alone anymore

[@codemonkey2k5]

You look and sound so much healthier for this fusion. Looking back at all that you have endured and concurred you all should be very proud.

[@silvervirgo9755]

As a now near year long viewer, when I first heard of the fusion I was surprised at first, but grew to accept it, now, hearing about the general process of it, as both a writer: How I understand what you've told us all, is that, Kyle and Nin, were in a way, speaking to each other in this way: "I want to be with you, I cannot be without you. But I am scared to be you, to realize, that that, might be our new reality." And they both made it through that, and became Kya, and you are all strong for it, for accepting it, for letting that love carry on through it, and carry them past it, to where they were at peace as it, and integrated, into Kya. It is a wonderful, and terrifying thing, but it is healing, as you've stated, and I think they both wanted that, in some way. To heal, with the other, and as such, became one to assist that process. ❤ Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@DissociaDID]

Excuse me that quote is phenomenal, can I share this? You are an amazing writer

[@silvervirgo9755]

@@DissociaDID That is perfectly fine! Feel free to use it again. I am just happy that the system, is doing better now, and growing! ❤

[@katieogden4885]

Oohh sh*t... i was totally unprepared to watch this video at 3am. The absolute raw powerful emotion, the honesty, the openness, the trust you have in us to show us this is phenomenal. We have all missed seeing Kyle and his cheeky little smile and the relationship he has with the rest of the alters and with us viewers and the fear he must have had for himself, the body, and all the other alters, almost like abandoning his post with no idea who or what would happen on the other side. That is so much trust and hope to place on alters who had maybe never done some of the jobs Kyle always did. I take my hat off to him completely! And to create such a powerhouse in Kya, you are strong and determined and fearce and badass and you got this 10,000%. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and helping us to understand your life and what happened during your time away xxx I love you always and forever as a friend regardless of the fact that we have never spoken or met x your videos help me understand my own mental health and remind me that healing is a difficult and long process which we may not always understand and I am massively grateful to you ❤❤

[@graymonk5972]

we’re going through some splits and maybe a fusion rn and while it scares us, this video is helping calm us down about it tysm -silver

[@DissociaDID]

I'm so glad! Promise it is going to work out okay in the end. ❤️

[@alexanderszama2427]

I love you all of y’all and I watched your channel when you were Chloe and then came back to see what you were up too and couldn’t find Chloe anywhere. Then found out yall fussed!! That was new to me. Then came back again and now yall two fussed. I’m very happy for both of you guys to make up a stronger bond.

[@quelarte]

I'm so proud of you! You guys are writing a incredible journey. Give my love to each one. Be safe and be strong. Lots of love everybody

[@one_for_one]

Thank you Kya for sharing your experiences. So proud to see you growing and working still after all youve been thru. Your bravery is so important

[@cynthieful]

I feel like fusions, and especially this kind, are rather tragic but beautiful at the same time. Kyle and Nin's story is very beautiful, and something not very many people will ever experience. The way you spoke about it was very touching. And in the end, you come out of it stronger and healthier so even with the sad parts it's not truly sad