Why It Would Help The World If Everyone Broke From Their Parents

[@michaelw3326]

I agree. Every child is traumatised by their family of origin. Parents seem to have children in order to heal themselves. That is child abuse. It seems more loving to heal yourself first, then invite consciousness to incarnate into a space of love that you have prepared.

[@pennyc7064]

Parents can only heal themselves if the are aware of the fact that they are causing harm to the child. However with a narcissistic parent/parents they consider themselves to be always right and others are always wrong.

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@pennyc7064 it appears that the hardest thing in the world for people to say is , 'i was wrong , i will change'

[@EyeLean5280]

Ugh, that's * not * why I had a kid. Your assertion here is either extremely presumptuous or extremely sad (or both). I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your parents but please don't pretend you know everyone else's life. there are other types of parents out there besides yours.

[@fabebn]

@@EyeLean5280 that's what every parent tells themselves..

[@AG-ej7wm]

I beg to differ. I, for one, don't feel traumatised by my parents nor do I feel abused, despite them not being perfect.

[@debgilbert7615]

You are awesome. I’m a therapist & have been going on 25 years. I’ve referred many clients to your channel & books. You offer & bring such a unique perspective.

[@Tarotainment]

A good parent should encourage the child breaking out

[@allthe1]

Realizing we have no allies, this is the single most difficult part of the process. Having to bear the responsibility of the "breaking away" while parents are truly the ones who have broken away from being concerned with our best interest.

[@dadapotok]

we're social animals though. don't you find isolation drives one mad even if in a different flavour than abuse does? healthy socialisation may be hard but it's possible. it's hard to trust and connect, but it's a delightful thing to do, and to be honest, even with me being wrong and or being wronged, i'm grateful for life i live when i manage to open up. looking for 100% healing, perfection and finding perfect tribe or perfect isolation does feel kinda delusional. all that is to say "no allies" attitude sounds kinda harsh and i hope it's just a step, or words felt right to say in the moment, not a long-term motto. part you said about "truly the ones who have broken away" is very insightful and made me reach a conclusion of the semi-lifetime-long thought about resposibility, gift and debt and consequences.

[@allthe1]

@@dadapotok Yes, I agree with all you said here. Being able to find people around who to live my life is my ultimate goal, and what I know from my experience is that this takes time and practice and a lot of failures... I'm presently starting to rebuild trust with people who repeatedly broke it, and it has been a painful process of letting go, taking time off, making contact again, talking, having fun, arguing, rince and repeat. There's been some highs and (mostly) lows, but I always knew it was worth it. What I didn't know way back when, was how to protect myself from damage, from putting to much trust, letting my healthy defenses down for the sake of attention. In the end, there's always been a kind of instinct to know right away if people are being disingenuous or unconscious. The trick is to trust this instinct for my own sake. This helps a lot in relationships, even in bad ones! Hope and self-love to you, friend

[@monicacej383]

Psychology has taken the focus off of where the problems originate: THE PARENTS. Every single time.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

How else would the parents put their kids on meds? If a psychiatric doctor said the truth about the bad parenting. they wouldn't have a job.

[@salokief5951]

Ouch ​@@psychedlicsouljam1995

[@leighsanders8825]

I broke from my parents and siblings in my teens. I am now in my 60s. I keep loose and remote contact with my siblings' families. This reminds me of a video you did on growing out of friendship relationships. I think now I look at my interactions with people through the perspective of whether they are willing to grow psychologically or not. If I see that a person is willing to grow, I am willing to support that growth as an ally. If not, there is nothing there for me. This is my measure of how much I am willing to interact with them.

[@SarahDale111]

I went no contact with my parents just over a year ago. It's been the best, most healing year of my life. I was scared to put up such a hefty boundary...scared that I would get in trouble...at 45 years old!! And they did get heckin' mad about it. My god...the enmeshment with those people kept me stuck in a perpetual state of wondering, "When do I get to grow up??" They depended on me to give their lives meaning and purpose. I was their means of emotional regulation. They didn't want me to find my voice, my confidence, my independence, my sense of self. All my life, I thought I was broken or mentally ill or something. Finally, after years of psychiatric trauma, I discovered that I am autistic. I also see that my mother is autistic, but she developed some serious narcissistic means of coping with her existence. She always said having babies saved her life, and she had no intention of ever letting me go or letting me grow. Complex trauma is a bitch, but I can reparent myself. I can stand on my own two feet, and I can trust myself to have my back. Thanks for speaking about these difficult things. Honestly, I've been through so much hell in my life, but walking away from the dysfunctional family system was just about the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I had to. Nothing else worked, so I had to take the leap into the unknown. Wish I'd done it 30 years ago!

[@alexadellastella5247]

"complex trauma is a bitch" well said!!!

[@agent_exodus]

So strange how prevalent this stuff is, isn’t it? It doesn’t make much sense to me from somewhat of a Darwinian POV. Meaning, why would we have evolved to have developed interpersonal systems which are anathema to our underlying psychobiology? It seems to me that… it’s almost like we’ve all been reeling from some kind of collectivized ptsd/cptsd. As if… some calamity happened long ago which has been long forgotten… 🤷🏻‍♂️ Which, maybe, threw us off our prior trajectory and everything else under the sun. “A species with amnesia”, as Graham Hancock would put it. Idk. Who’s to say? It’s a useful fiction, at the very least. But anyway, I can relate very much with what you’ve said here. It’s unfortunate, and no they don’t make it any easier… lol but… my god. So much better.

[@leahflower9924]

My parents grew up in the 50s and 60s both in the new York area not exactly same childhood but they have blind obedience to institutions and authority and will make you feel like you're horrible if you're late to work or school and I just feel like an alien I don't understand not questioning or examining life but they thrive on rigid robotic ways

[@leahflower9924]

​@@agent_exodus probably it's like epigenetics or whatever

[@SarahDale111]

@@leahflower9924 Ohh...the pressure to be perfect is too much. My mom was all about keeping up appearances. It's been really hard for me to learn to relax. I think for some people it's just too scary to look at themselves, their thoughts, beliefs, etc. Especially when they're heading towards the end of their life, 'cause it feels like it's too late to change anything. That's my mom's excuse. "It's too late for me." But it only takes an instant to see things differently! Very frustrating.

[@pennyc7064]

Daniel, keep spreading your words of wisdom. If I had access to the information like the many videos you have on your YT channel, there would have been no need for countless therapy sessions where I just rehashed the storys about what happened in my life but in the end there was no understanding of the real reason why I was feeling the way I do and that it's due to narcissism/ emotional neglect.

[@dmackler58]

I wish I'd had this knowledge a lot earlier myself -- would have saved me a world of trouble and time and pain and mistakes...

[@jonashjerpe7421]

@@dmackler58 Great reply. I can relate to that myself.

[@AsleepFiveDecades]

Returning to My Hometown after 40 years away, I had no idea what was wrong with my family, but I knew they were completely off. I Never noticed these behaviors (NARCISSISTIC) when I was visiting them, but when I moved there, I was suddenly always in a state of cognitive dissonance, and doubting my own reality. I did Not want to Think and Behave as they do, so I was put through A Smear Campaign by my entire family to run me out of The Town "before I exposed them all"??? But, the smear campaign only started after they put me thru HELL. Now that I'm in the process of Healing, I'm so Grateful for You, Daniel Mackler, because I can totally relate to every single word You speak, and not only do You give me validation, YOU are the only person that I actually trust, ( Even Though We've Never Met), and that is something I thought I'd Never be able to do...TRUST ANYONE!! Thank You Daniel for that, and for always stepping out of Your comfort zone to Help people just like Myself. Peace, Love, and Light from My Heart, To Yours, And Whoever reads this!!! Xo

[@mateuszw383]

Wow. What you are saying hits home hard! I escaped my messed-up narcissistic family about 8 years ago. It wasn't easy to start a life in an overpriced reality as a single person in a new country. But I made it to a comfortable level with a lot of self-appreciation. But sometimes I am thinking "maybe it's time to come back home, maybe living around my family wouldn't be as bad as it used to be". But what you are saying tells me that my longing to move back can be just a fallacy. I objectively see that my family members are still mentally and emotionally broken. So probably after a month or two of their good behavior, I would get them all over me again driving me crazy...Thank for sharing.

[@AsleepFiveDecades]

Sadly, some people You just have to Love from a distance, and whenever You think of them, send them Peace, Love, and Light, And LET THEM GO!! 🦋 Even using the Observe Don’t Absorb technique is extremely challenging with these types of people, so it's best to keep Your distance. All the best on Your Life’s Journey!! ☮️💟💫

[@yvonneshanson1525]

I feel for you absolutely.. not being able to trust is only logical when we are born and raised in a narcissistic chaotic family environment!.. I was forced to live w them due to circumstances these last 2 years and my health has paid the toll.. Don't take it personal though, what they did, they are not conscious at all. In the long run they will have forgotten everything but if you go back gradually the abuse will start again. Instead use your time and effort to pamper yourself, celebrate your life and thrive. Life's too short, you can love them from afar, or meet w them in a limited manner. Do you 🙂❤

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@mateuszw383 dont do it , i thought that i would move home, esp as mum is older im 57 and surely we are all grown up now ...no way! my sis tried to take over mums role of gestapo officer , they are 10x worse . dont go back

[@mateuszw383]

@@NOT_SURE.. and ​ @yvonne shanson Thank you for sharing and adding an extra brick of wisdom and experience to this. I definitely decided to not go back. I chose the path and I should keep it. As Yvonne said. It's hard to trust humans when you grew up in a narcissistic family. You just see those signs in other people, you smell it. It's up to you if you allow similar types to enter your life or you cut them short when see them coming. I finished recently one relationship when I saw in the person too many similarities to behaviors in my family house. It's sad but this time I cut it quick for mine and the other person's good. I just knew where it goes next. Writing down your rules and deal breakers helps. Having a well-thought list of things that you will not tolerate and accept gives you extra strength to execute them. As someone said, "Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching them how to treat you".

[@shehzadamurthy1983]

Even though I don't always agree with you, I absolutely love you for being so honest and vulnerable. KZbin is full of people who try to seem like the "the most amazing person ever". Yet you come off as simply honest, you don't seem to hide any faults you have, and watching you feels like I am a real person. And I learn so much from your videos. Good going Daniel!

[@paingoingcrazy6997]

I broke away from my parents in an extremely traumatizing way. I hopped around to 2 different Canadian cities while living in homeless shelters, several thousand kilometers from home!! There were a few nights when I had to sleep on the streets, in these unfamiliar cities. Yep, that's how I spent the first two years of my 20's. I was just so eager to get away from not only my parents, but everything in our society that I despised so much - our disconnectedness from nature, how we force kids to attend school and mold them to be good little subjects, how our workplaces expect us to be these one-dimensional drones. I was not going to be that, no matter how hard society tried. I was so eager to get away from all that junk that I was completely unaware of how badly I was going to traumatize myself by making this tremendous move. And previously, I was so attached to my parents, I was so sheltered from the horrors of this world. But my parents wrought this unto themselves and unto me. They only cared that I went to school and got good grades. They wanted a normal life in the suburbs, just like all the other normal, depressing people. Life could be so beautiful, so vibrant and colorful and immersive - but instead we in our society are stuck with power hungry jerks who become cops, we are stuck with ugly Walmarts and parking lots. My emotional needs were completely neglected by not only my parents, but also Canadian society (and I understand this is not unique to my country, but that's how it is everywhere). Nobody in this country talks about the things Daniel talks about. Back then, I felt so utterly alone in how I felt about this world. I had no choice but to stick to my instincts, whereas everyone else just went about business as usual. Everyone just stays hush hush and goes about their 9-5 jobs, don't they? That was back before I discovered Daniel's channel. Your worldview has been so incredibly validating to me, to say the least - I've already expressed this in a lengthy comment on your website lol, so I'm repeating myself there.

[@user-qe8wt2sl6i]

WOW I would love to connect with you!

[@paingoingcrazy6997]

@@user-qe8wt2sl6i Hi, I'd be up for connecting somehow :)

[@danielleelkhoueiry1630]

@@paingoingcrazy6997 hi, can we connect? you can look me up on Facebook

[@akaianamere8774]

I’m so proud of you.

[@DivineLogos]

Brave of you to jump into the wilderness to live more authentically.

[@geminisoul777]

This is so powerful & I relate to this as someone who broke away & have gone non contact. I grew up in a religious cult, & I realized it & tried to show them. It changed our relationship forever. But I’m grateful I left home & became my own person.

[@RevolutionaryThinking]

I’m glad you’re paying it forward instead of traveling Daniel because it’s really resonating with me!

[@katehampstead6024]

Daniel, I remember when I read that line in your book. I thought to myself, well at least those who have been traumatized by their parents should break away. But then I realized, yeah, lots of people, maybe most people, have been traumatized by their parents. I am one of those who broke away from my parents/family with no allies or safety net. It was very hard and slow going. Even now I have few allies (well really one only, my partner) and not much of a safety net. It seems though that what I've gained is that I'm not as brainwashed as most people I see around me. I guess you could say I am poor but I am free. Cheers to you and anyone else who is on this path.

[@MaBoJo1]

much peace to you KAte, i am on a similar path also - its hard but the right one

[@xrc7445]

Same here. I started slowly breaking away by going NC with a sibling when I was 29. "Family" pressured me for years to resume contact but instead I cut out my dad in response and went LC with the rest 😆 The abuse halted me fron building outside of the family connections and I didn't have friends or a partner to rely on. If I had, I would have started way earlier. Fortunately my dad has Alzheimer's and cannot remove me from the will so I will still get my inheritance, but I still lack the emotional support. Money is good to get out and stay out, but not the only resource needed. :/

[@yvonneshanson1525]

@@xrc7445 so true .. 😢 wishing the best for you! You're not alone, we're allin this together ❤

[@xrc7445]

@@yvonneshanson1525 Thank you!

[@dsrtsnw]

your perspective is so incredibly valuable. thank you again daniel

[@MsWing-ij9nb]

Daniel, thanks so much for being a brave truth teller. It will be almost three years of no contact with my toxic family of origin. As you say, it’s a really painful process but also one that can be incredibly liberating and essential to one’s ability to recover from deep traumas/soul repression that our dysregulated/abuse parents enacted upon us. Since going no contact, I felt the heavy dark clouds of depression lift and the light from within me shine. I was able to learn how to love, trust and just be myself again- without fear or anxiety. The harsh inner critic voice I had developed from childhood has lost its grip- to a point where I can deal with it if it ever re-surfaces. I am no longer feeling that life is a death sentence; but life is living. It’s through talks like yours and reading the works of revolutionary poets, artists, thinkers - allies to pushing back against the tyranny of conformity and anti-humanism. For me, embracing the interconnected ness of the spiritual and natural realms has helped guide me through life challenges. I’ve also been better at maintaining healthy relationships with myself and others. It could not have happened if I still remained in contact with my toxic family.

[@hiya1399]

I always know I can open one of your videos and can be validated for what I've been thinking and feeling for years. It's really the only place for me to do so.

[@hbhealthandsuch6179]

Keep up the good fight. Truth is on your side. Thank you for all the work you share, it makes a huge difference and needs to be out there. Your work has been essential to and continues to very much effect my path in life for the better. Very rare to find such a low amount of BS anywhere period. Thank you

[@sarahquinn6989]

This is not all families Daniel. Your suggestion makes me sad and perplexed. Central to my life always has been my parents, maternal grandparents and my 7 siblings. They still are. My family and my best friends. We are individuals but we are also one. Belonging, love, support, foundation. I can't imagine how breaking with them would serve any purpose. We're not perfect but we are whole.

[@faith4390]

I love this and well said. This is how I feel about my Mom, Dad, brother and sister. My siblings love to harass me though with my past. Which I was very mean growing up but I felt like a victim of bullying from my siblings. Now that I'm an adult, I'm different, I've grown up emotionally and forgiven myself. It's up to them to forgive me of the past. I don't live there anymore "in the past." We are all very close. I am an open book about everything and they accept me for the blunt and passionate person I am. Life wasn't perfect as a child but darn it, parenting doesn't come with instructions. My parents did the very best that they knew to do with the tools they had to do it with. Growing up emotionally is about letting go of a fairytale life and loving the life you have and being grateful for the people in it. Forgive quickly and remember that everyone has something they're dealing with. Pray for them and carry on.

[@MelanCholy2001]

Oh, thank you! I'd watched this guy's video about why he'd quit being a therapist, and wanted to hear something more recent.. and I landed here. I don't think I have any trauma? (Mostly I feel 'traumatized' from YT videos, or an ongoing situation with someone else close to the family, and I'm in that because, well, I'm "family" and wanted to better educate myself.) -I see the next video rec is Daniel critiquing "family-oriented cultures" 😬😂

[@MelanCholy2001]

​@Patient Growth I don't know what you mean by "family orientation". I have a family. We were taught to reach out to others who DO NOT have a family (are my grandparents and parents wrong for that?). I'm guessing you mean orphans, but opting in to treating non-blood relations LIKE family is not about looking good; it's about BEING good. (Widows, too! They get left out of many equations, and that should not be, especially if their family is spread across the country and they need local "family" to count on.)

[@fairplayer7435]

I chose not to break away and discard my family. I have cut contact with some members but I keep the possibility open for reunions, especially for funerals. My family is real messed up, but they provide ample entertainment and laughs with their stories and dramas. I just don't take them too seriously, unless there's reason to.

[@coolcat23]

It seems to me that Daniel might be forgetting about selection bias. In his former role, he probably saw a 100% rate of parent-induced trauma. I'm convinced that there are families whose members do not seek psychological help and where children do not need to break away from their parents.

[@nopolitics2812]

Thank you Daniel, this video was what I needed today. It feels like you speak to my soul.

[@dmackler58]

You're welcome!! Greetings :)

[@morganafrontera2495]

Thankyou Daniel. I have managed and my children don't talk to me. And I realized that your parents should be proud of you and be your own individual. If I had done this myself,I would have made me a better parent.

[@RegardPearleGirl]

this is truly the way that I think too. people around me think it's a very extremist view, but being on this path has pushed me deeper and deeper into truly knowing myself and having a more expanded view of life. the pain has been immense and there is still much to continue to heal from, but God am I better off now even if I feel really alone at times.

[@Leosaysays]

It's a very lonely path to break from parents\family of origin. But also the rewards are great for the self, as you say. I've learnt so much about myself, my pain, grief and integration that it's made my work with clients as a psychotherapist so much deeper and richer. I wish you well!

[@yvonneshanson1525]

❤❤💛

[@RegardPearleGirl]

@@Leosaysays i'm sure it has made your work with clients deeper! that's really amazing. wishing you well too

[@sunnywaterfalls5950]

Thank you for being so authentic and so willing to heal, despite the less than desirable consequences. Your videos are incredibly validating and so helpful. Thank you!

[@joseph765]

I absolutely agree with this. I think once people start breaking from their parents, the family-related trauma will begin to dissipate. People undergoing the healing process will find others on the same journey, and will then create safer emotional spaces for themselves. This process will act as a beacon to those disaffected by the family system, and more and more people will come together to create healthy emotional environments. That can't happen, however, if we continue to enable dysfuctional family dynamics. I think we all deep down wish we could change our parents, but I'm willing to bet that's not going to happen for the overwhelming majority of us. Coming to a process of inner acceptance of this fact is essential in the journey to healing from trauma. Most people have huge resistance to this idea, but the people who see the family dysfunction, and the reality that accompanies it, will walk away one by one. Then, new communities will be born where people can truly be themselves. It's quite a terrifying idea if I think about it, mostly because of my own resistance to being emotionally vulnerable, but I think it's the way of the future.

[@bastian6173]

It's a very fine line and I am not sure I can agree with your comment. To change ourselves we have to look at our parents, understand the root of their behavior and be able to develop compassion for that. Otherwise our intention (as good as it may be) may just end in what we try to get away from... destructive, traumatizing behavior caused by selfishness and an inability or an unwilligness to be humble and self transcend. Compassion, humility and self transcendence are the only ways go heal our sick society.

[@EyeLean5280]

Breaking with one's family should be a last resort. Reconciliation, when possible, is far more healing.

[@harrynac6017]

"They shouldn't have had children in the first place". Yeah, that's what I thought. I don't have children. My mother was very traumatised, got married and had her first kid when she was 19. It's just what happened pre pill. She got a second child (planned, the pill was introduced) because she was an only child herself, and didn't like it. She did everything to give us the childhood she didn't have, and was good at that. I hate life since puberty.

[@BOSSDONMAN]

How old are you now?

[@harrynac6017]

@@BOSSDONMAN 56

[@BOSSDONMAN]

@@harrynac6017 Do you feel like you're on an upward trajectory now?

[@harrynac6017]

@@BOSSDONMAN I'm less restless lately, had no problems with the lockdowns. I think it's an age thing, and I reached my goal in life which was surviving my parents.

[@shawnd4120]

Man, I’ve said similar things in regards to your other videos, but I’ve never heard another human being describe what I have lived personally and witnessed professionally (also a therapist of 20 years) so exactly, including my own voice that says, ‘say it even though you know the reactive hate is coming.’ So, two things: 1) I’ve been pretty courageous in speaking out thus far, and I refuse to lie, but I have left some stuff unsaid. You’ve inspired me to begin working on a similar channel myself (coming soon!) and 2) I truly never thought I’d hear another human being have the courage and capacity for this level of truth! Again, deepest thanks, Daniel! I’m glad I’m not entirely alone; there is at least two of us, and hopefully, eventually more. Much love, brother! ❤

[@yacovsimons393]

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” [Gen. 2:24]

[@saramichelcorona1352]

Thank so much Daniel. Thanks for being on your side and showing me how being an allie to myself would look like. I needed this message so much. Thanks for being your best allie and wayshowing and inspiring, i love as a brother in this path of freeing from trauma, freing from parents and family.

[@liamazael]

Thank you so much for being you. I couldn't agree more. I broke from my family system under harsh circumstances 5 years ago. I started realizing how much I needed it after about a month after breaking from them. My entire life has improved in every aspect imaginable. I stumble upon your KZbin channel by chance and have been binge watching your episodes since last week. Thank you for putting your personal thoughts for everyone to watch/listen to. Your videos have been putting my mind at ease because I did, in fact, have doubt about how I was going about things. Thanks again for being you.

[@RKTGX95]

Thank you Daniel, like every video, it's always enlightening to hear your horn of truth. As someone who is probably only at the beginning of this highly confusing and mysteriously rewarding healing journey, i'd like to share some of my thoughts: First, probably also from my "acquired" survival skills from childhood, i started to actually see on people's faces what went over them. i'm far from able to say specifically what ordeals people suffered in life, but it is clear that trauma leaves an imprint on the face. for example: someone can be cheerful or content at a certain moment, yet it can be seen in his face, sometimes as if peering under a mask and sometimes screaming like neon makeup, that there is a deep sorrow or fear around the eyes. Second, regarding to spirituality, i think that you daniel is one of the more authentically deep people i know. one of my interest is what is considered "conventual" (eastern) spirituality, and time and time again i realize and convinced that dealing with historical trauma is not only a virtue but the basis. The shallow "spiritual" people are simply dissociated and if they go deeper they'll simply get lost, stuck, lose their minds or become a shell of a person (even if in a state of "bliss"). Like in everything in life, you have to be with a strong core of your true self to grow. Third, as you've mentioned in the video about the desire for more allies, i think this is slowly happening. More and more people, from my observation, are opening up to talk about childhood trauma. Heck, even the psychology field as a whole might be going somewhere with their cPTSD. Though you are right, these people of internal might and honesty are still few and far between. And last, in the utopia of a mostly healed world, one of the things i envision is real connection with nature. Actually living in harmony with what is around us without the desire to abuse and extract (like what is done to us children). Imagining the new family system and society in such a new and fascinating world can be almost impossible just from the distance we are from it. And yet, i do believe we, as the whole humanity, are on the path to this utopia but it will take many many dozens of years and unbearable growth through pain.

[@kirklee66]

wow thank you Daniel for showing us that pure child/self that you are so able to let shine through!! it is so cute sometimes when i pause the video well actually most times when i pause your video because i am doing other things and want to make sure that i do not miss a single word that you say, when i come back and sit down when i look at the screen with your face paused in these different very emotional expressions i can truly see that little boy shining through like a diamond!!! but for the first time today when i was watching this video i was over whelmed by the pureness of your demeaner and it brought lots of tears to my eyes just how amazing it is to witness something so beautiful and that i never dreamed this was possible or even existed, and tears also because how happy i am for that little boy who fought to be himself and won!! CONGRADULATIONS Daniel !! and also this is a way far better accomplishment for yourself and to display/model and share with the whole world than any you mentioned at the beginning of the video

[@3nrika]

Thank you for your service, Daniel. I deeply appreciate the sacrifice you've made. I'm making it too, in my own way, and noticing many of the same penalties. There is still so, so much denial out there, so much enabling, so much convenience and expediency chosen over the much more gruelling task of correcting the core malfunction - our collective loss of self and its functions: self-reflection, independent thought, emotional awareness and attunement with nature to name a few. Advocating the message you do is an invaluable contribution to humanity and I think it helps to recognise how people come to refuse to hear it due to all the powerful incentives to ignore it. Maybe this is a discussion worth having at some point. Like you have said many times, a powerful incentive to ignore the truth is all the oftentimes invisible strings attached in the family system dynamic, the tacit threat of disownment and disinheritance, the withdrawal of what little nurturance there ever was from the by then emotionally starved child, the ostracism and getting shut out in the cold contemporary world alone with a metaphorical mark on one's back that attracts predators from all around, sometimes even predators in the profession of psychiatry and psychotherapy. I think for people who are not suited to be advocates for the message, could still play a role to bring about its fruition, it's all in the incentives and disincentives. We can use our limited influence in the world to remove what disincentives to healing we might find ourselves able to, and conversely use what influence we have to incentivise healing; I've found that people are woefully ignorant of the amazing benefits of healing and living a cleaner life. My observation is that many people appear to believe narcissistic behaviour is profitable, but who tells them about the significantly shortened life-expectancy of individuals with NPD, and their much higher incidence of suicide? Who tells people that manipulating your way all the way to the top in society leaves the individual with zero trusted friends and complete emotional disconnection and distrust of everyone? "Winning" in today's world sucks and it only looks good from the outside. Just thought I'd share some of my recent thoughts. Thanks again.

[@Drifter.Dreams]

5:12 Your ability to talk about this stuff opens the door for others to find the strength to talk about it as well. A lot of us feel and see this as the truth of our reality, but not all of us will be brave enough to stand up and shed light on it. Thank you.

[@neon75105]

I hear you and I agree with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts: is good to know that one isn't alone in this world. It also gives me hope to find other people who are conscious about their trauma and whom are healthier individuals. Have a great day, Daniel!

[@Siss2012]

Your videos have saved my sanity. Thank you!

[@yryalam7874]

Love the truthfulness, courage and authenticity of this man.

[@rosaspagnola222]

I get it, thank you for sharing, Daniel. ❤

[@noodly237]

Thanks for making me feel less alone in my thoughts Daniel! Truly priceless

[@noodly237]

I think you're ahead of the curve, I hope in a few years/decades your views will be more mainstream

[@artxmvt]

❤Thank you for giving your gift to the people, Daniel. It's a gift that keeps on giving...

[@elliel9042]

Dangerous message. Often family are the only people who truly care, and want to provide suppor to each other throughout life - why cut off such a valuable resource? We all hurt each other. Even the speaker. Good enough families will also repair each other, apologise etc. By all means leave dangerous families - you might find more peace that way, but you will still be wounded and weakened until you strengthen yourself somehow through learning to relate more healthily.

[@la6136]

It is so annoying when people who come from healthy families write comments like this. Obviously you do not know what it is like to come from a toxic family so this video is not meant for you

[@SantaFeSuperChief1]

I've broken from my parents physically. I haven't spoken to them in over a year, and my life is all the better for it. Though, I'm really struggling to accept the reality of breaking from them on an emotional level. The wounded inner child, if you will, inside of me is still attached to them and doesn't really accept the idea that they never really loved me for who I was. I'm gonna keep working on it, though. The real healing won't begin until I can get that message to penetrate through my mental blocks and I can accept reality for what it is. Thank you for all you do, Daniel.

[@wordivore]

Don't be too hard on yourself while working on accepting this. It's one of the hardest things to understand and accept I feel. At least it has been for me. I broke away from my mother and siblings pretty much right after my father died about 9 years ago and I still struggle with the fact that my parents never actually loved me.

[@NOT_SURE..]

i once did a visualisation where i went looking for my inner child , (he doesnt go away when you turn 19) i found him sitting on a log looking at insects (im 57 now and still facinated by insects) hurt and dejected ...so the 'adult' me sat down , and conversed and i said 'i am here now , i love you and im not leaving like they did' suddenly i felt a 'joining' of the little me and the adult me , ...

[@terrytrees61]

I believe it's not about that they didn't love you in b&w terms.. it's more they loved you on some unique for them level and they failed in being good parents.. and moving forward in your healing what matters is not if they loved you but your responsibility to love yourself unconditionally! I think society gaslits us that family is important. The important thing in life is that we actualize our gifts, live our passions, find meaning in our suffering and use adverse childhood experiences as a contrast to which we can move away from.. easier said than done, I know. But we must not lose faith that it can be done.!💖

[@fairplayer7435]

@@terrytrees61 Family is important. That's the truth, not a gaslight. Some families are badly damaged, some are healthy. Those who know the truth about why some families get damaged will act better. They will not look back with endless anger and resentment but will find a little pity and compassion for their past as they move forward independently.

[@Nilj24]

You're very brave, Daniel. Thank you... for speaking your mind and making that effort to be authentic.

[@markm7558]

important point you make about emphasising with children. I think children will always go through 'trauma' (my quotes) but if they have a sense of safety from their family it won't become a 'trauma' that has ongoing unhealthy effects. Something to be careful about breaking from your parents is that you may look for parental rescue from authority figures or even fall out with your boss because you transfer your own family relation challenges onto your boss because you don't feel you can challenge your parents directly. Your videos are good because they bring these subjects into conversation.

[@markm7558]

i think what I am hinting up is that unhelathy if you are blind to your trauma, as you can go and cause havoc to yourself and the people around you.

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

Yes and if the mother is the abuser they will go out into the world seeking women that remind them of her. Having been barred from choosing the degree they wanted, Psychology, they will not understand what is happening inside them and the potential danger of cluster B personality disorders like Psychopathy, Sociopathy, Narcissism, Borderline and others and potentially have their life destroyed by watching a Borderline overdose and convince them it's their fault or a Histrionic Narcissist attempt to get them 15 years in prison for a false allegation. But hey at least dad got to tell people around the water cooler "my son does what I do". Having been conditioned to devalue their sibling by the father who was trained by a Sociopathic father to devalue his sibling, the brother will not have a clue how much damage he has done to his sibling. Ignorance is bliss.

[@adityakapoor2658]

Thank you for your courage and honesty. Please keep going and sharing more of your knowledge with us!

[@mateuszkoczko9538]

I kind of agree that distancing yourself from your parents can help you. Can help you grow, and teach you how to deal with what is inside you. Breaking off... I don't know. For some time - definitely. If you feel ready to talk to your parents knowing that they still might invalidate you and yet not get (re)traumatized - I guess you can still keep some form of contact, probably limited, but... I don't know. Even if there was toxicity, there might still be some kind of love. If the toxicity is too big to deal with, break away I guess. They might be traumatized people themselves who deserve better in life. You're not responsible for them, but... I don't know. I just cannot 100% phantom going cold turkey on them. Being distanced - yes. Anyway I also think that even if you're not 100% healed and want to have children, well... Yes, you should prepare to be the best parent you can be - be able to deal with life problems and not transferring them to kids. But I guess even healthy parents can get PTSD in their life and their empathy could stop working at critical times of child's development - and viola, trauma for the kid. Maybe we are destined to bring up more or less messed up people. Maybe at some point we get messed up by things outside of our parents control. But I guess that's part of life, and what is important is to try to heal and be able to deal with this mess, or at least give it a honest try. And perhaps give the same chance to our children. (Kind of thinking about Evangelion anime right now).

[@stankmcqueef]

Daniel i think what you mean to say is that we would all benefit from looking at the world in an objective way (the best we can) without the judgement of our parent's lingering in our minds. To suggest we should all break from our parents would not make sense for many people who did have good upbringings. Nobody's upbringing is perfect but we all must learn from our parent's mistakes to ensure the next generation is healthier and better off.

[@veganphilosopher1975]

Powerful words. One of your best vids in a while

[@michaelzell5905]

I love this. Reminds me of the Pat Benetar song "Hell Is For Children".

[@lughlamhfada2523]

One of my favorite wise men once talked about shamans this way. He said that they were considered crazy, and that they lived outside of the village. He said that they weren't in quarantine, but the village was. The doctor doesn't get in bed with the patient.

[@paulahansen4102]

I really agree with you regarding having a child!!

[@kalletuovinen2934]

Thank you Daniel, these ideas and videos are helping me a lot

[@MakeDemocracyMagnificientAgain]

A real free thinker! Cheers!

[@Official.Leonardo]

Daniel, I too had this realization in the past two years since I too broke from my parents and entire family. I know very well that feeling you felt about leaving that concept in the book.

[@davidballenger8917]

I appreciate your commitment to the truth, to your truth. It is a necessity and a scarce resource. I don't want to tell you to do anything so that you conform to any ideas of doing it for my expectations.

[@claressarichardson1374]

I think that people who are taught that it’s better to be numb and alone want others to be that way too. That way when people reject them or die, it’s easier to forget them.

[@dominic6055]

glad I discovered ur channel, I have the same exact views...imo the way a kid should grow up is not to be limited to "blood" relations but by having many connections and figures in a diversely enriched community...the issue with family is that since the industrial revolutions the family structure started to decrease in size(prior to that more senior figures tookcare of children) and kids now have less ways to interact with the rest of society(apart from school and sports)... so now with the current family setup the child picks up all the bad traits and traumas of their parents

[@dominic6055]

internet is the gamebreaker for new channels for kids to expose themselves to other realities and ways of thinking, I know the internet has a bad rep these days cuz of videogames and socialmedia, but longterm it's a tool of empowerment of the individual to learn and become who he really wants,not what his family or society tells him...I expect this new trend to be mostly palpable from the late part of this decade, I expect a total disruption on the education system and it will be triggered by a massive economic meltdown that will put into question all the education system and reliance from institutions

[@dominic6055]

and yes, family is an institution :)

[@msnbmnt]

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts, Daniel. I am in the process of breaking from the family system and this has been tremendously helpful.

[@PsiologaLilyValentina]

I did it and I feel great. Why stick to toxicity. Yes, my parents were not ready to have children.

[@juliehumphreys173]

Daniel you must have been an amazing therapist! I have done the rounds of therapy and there was no one who was not also deeply unconscious! They were all totally useless! So thank you for your radical thoughts! You are not alone ❤

[@BlueskyDenver]

People have children for all kinds of reasons , majority have children because they think it’s the thing to do .., it’s something they feel it’s important in their lives without knowing what they’re really getting themselves into.., and never considered if they were remotely capable of being a parent.

[@ColinSkateFilms]

Children "have to" go through trauma, because society is a trauma structure and their parents know the children will have to operate in it. And that's wrong. The reason why society is a trauma structure is because society disregards the social and emotional aspects of human relationships for collaborational purposes. They force collaboration through debt-based currency.

[@SandhillCrane42]

Sticks the landing! 👏 👏 👏

[@ColinSkateFilms]

@@SandhillCrane42 Back then, I was in denial. It only seems like I went through childhood trauma and that the cause was the dysfunctional romantic relationship of my parents.

[@SantaFeSuperChief1]

Had me in the first half, not gonna lie

[@craigventresco734]

Thank you so much for these great talks!

[@veronicacervantes1082]

I think that’s a little extreme. I don’t think in every situation thats the best idea. What happened to forgiveness and growth. Maybe in some situations it’s nessary but not always.

[@clvkforessaycollege190]

Breaking away from parents is definitely painful. I don’t think any normal ppl will willingly do that. I broke away years ago only bc if I don’t I’ll die. There was no choice. People always do what’s most convenient and comfortable for them

[@SteveJones379]

Love your messages Daniel… keep spreading your healing message! Thank you ☮️

[@katarinabaksiova4550]

Thank you Daniel :)

[@Food4CriticalThought]

I totally agree with this. Everyone should take this time for themselves. There are a few Dr. That are praised for talking about trauma. But I praise and thank you.

[@janedoe3648]

People have a strong natural biological/physiological attachment to their families that remains largely throughout their life...this is underestimated/undervalued by much of psychology though I think there's some research on it. Certainly neuroscience has shown this attachment between mothers and their infants and small children. It seems obvious that bond does not break. Everyine has a dark side and good side. We are social creatures, we NEED people to have basic psychological and also physical health. There is no stronger community than family. No one will understand you like them, relate to you like them, or support you like them at least in certain ways. Your friends can be great but if the going gets tough they may ditch you. Despite all their problems and the issues inherent to humanity, most families wouldn't do that. You can heal from childhood trauma and help your parents get on the track with therapy to heal from theirs. Why not. Relatives are often the most important people in someone's life even from when they were babies. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins..again it's built-in close community that's irreplaceable

[@la6136]

You have never had a narcissistic parent lol you don’t know what you are talking about. There is not therapy with these people they don’t change. Friends are your chosen family and can understand you better than your blood family ever will

[@threethrushes]

Broke away from FOO on Christmas Day 2015. Emigrated to Central Europe with one bag and a hockey stick. Best decision ever.

[@antor2471]

You are awesome

[@annmarie6870]

I agree I was high this weekend and my mom wouldn’t leave me alone. I’d like to be traumatized high every weekend thank you very much

[@spectraamunari9059]

We are sovereign beings. If we all understood this in the truest sense, the world would know freedom.

[@bethetruth6428]

YES If they wanta' Water you down or are not adult enough to deal with you truly and as your really are intense and not fickle if not be gone and yes break free (or die trying) that is a double entendre' as this is the simulation realm we also must navigate and transmute and Soulfully advance through and Out !.

[@wonderingheights]

I should have broken from my ‘parents’ when I was 18. I didn’t know that I was in an abusive co-dependent relationship with them. I didn’t have the knowledge about boundaries or self until my mid-30s. If I had a re-do I would have left and said ‘not my problem’.

[@NOT_SURE..]

ive recently (in my late 40s ) Ok mid 50s.....ok 57 dagnabit, spilt from my toxic mother and sister , i bumbled along for years being the one everyone pokes and talks about when i am not there...then i got cancer and had a few months to live and they literally coulndt change their behaviour so they stopped being overtly dismissive and went covert but this made it more noticable , the cancer was all my fault (because i eat macdonalds and my family only eat proper food ), they are horribly judgemental .......(.at 5 years old i used to try and go home with other families coz i always knew mine were dysfunctional ). anyway i digress , i wote to my mum and told her what i think of her in the most honest and direct way i could imagine, it was so brutal i was hoping it would induce a heart attack , i told her i knew she was abused as a kid but she wasnt taking her repressed anger out on me anymore .....havent heard from them for 4-5 months now and its great . you dont need assholes around you even family , they are the worst especiall if you are the black sheep

[@lesliegann2737]

Looking at why there is such a blind spot about how to raise children... 1) since the parents were trained to restrict their emotions, they feel overwhelmed by and dislike their own children for having raw emotions so they must nip it in the bud early... 2) In nature, the fittest survive and animal mothers will abandon their young if anything is perceived to be weak about them. It is cruel but serves a purpose if the animal is physically weak. Unevolved humans do this same behavior but it is distorted to include any characteristic or personality type they don't like. Hence the emotional rejection of children who, say aren't good at sports or other aspects society deems favourable... 3) I don't know when it started but there is this weird idea that it is better to give a child less attention because giving more love will spoil the child. There have been books written on how it is desirable to let a baby cry itself to sleep to teach it to manage its emotions... 4) Related to this is this concept that you mustn't let a child become 'feral'. It must be taught to be 'civilized' as early as possible. A side effect to that, along with punishing emotions, is the child loses intuitive ability and more easily fits into society... 5) Abused children tend to become adults who in turn abuse their own children as a sort of rite of passage.

[@idan4989]

ronald laing said family is the root of all evil and wars as well

[@colleendensmore7731]

Thank you. You are just lovely.

[@MichaelWVagg]

Thanks, man - now I know who my ally is and who must take care of that little, crying baby.

[@nfvjgrofgjvoldlkgvlo]

it sadly wouldnt help due to the significant advantage/ disadvantage of generational wealth in this economy. u will literally NEVER (in 99.999% of cases) get out of the cycle of poverty without using your families wealth.

[@JS-lm3lq]

It is not about blaming them but taking responsibility, and society does not teach that or parenting or childhood trauma

[@personalaccount7534]

Once you do the trauma work, the next step is spiritual awakening. It will find you. I’m not a Buddhist but when the Buddha says enlightenment is the end of suffering, he’s right. I’m not totally there but a good deal of the way and I have forgiven my family and others. This sets us free

[@matilda4406]

stay strong, it will happen

[@Viyan48]

Love from India ❤

[@tribalkoala]

Blissful thank you!! 🙏🏻

[@EstherNajma]

You may be marginalised for saying the truth, but you are also helping so much people to understand a different reality and find hope. Thank you for your honesty and bravery. You should be proud of yourself as professional and human being.

[@MagikarpPower]

I've found that the most valuable people with the most valuable insights are found outside the norm, bc they threaten the norm. the norm can't yet grasp truth.

[@EyeLean5280]

Are you sure you're not projecting your own issues out onto the population at large and prescribing something that would actually be toxic to others instead of helpful? What about families that get along? Families that have come to terms with whatever may have gone amiss in earlier times? Families that support one another in good times and bad? They do exist, you know. I just buried my mom this summer and while she didn't give us a perfect childhood (reality check: nobody can do that for you, by the way), I always respected her and loved her and the feeling was also always mutual. She enriched my life intellectually and artistically almost up to the end, when she was suddenly very sick and needed her kids to take care of her the way she had once taken care of us. If I could redo the last couple of decades, I'd spend even more time with her.

[@dmackler58]

You make good points, though I want to make clear that I’m definitely not prescribing this for anyone! I presented this hopefully more as a theoretical idea. If anyone actually wants to break from their family that must be their choice and their choice alone.

[@bartjohnston]

yup, truth, thanks always Daniel

[@dmackler58]

You're welcome!! Hello!

[@227RM]

Your approach is what I look for. Reminds me of Vernon Howard's lectures, they stand out definitely!!!!

[@Rebelionisduty]

Thank you so much for your work, the biggest innovators and prophets were the most rejected by society

[@elizaveta2407]

wow, the sound of your inner voice is so different from your your own voice:))) it's so deep, I'd even say brutal!

[@island661]

Personally I don't think you need family as an adult. If you have a great/healthy family that's one thing, but if you don't, you should be able to break up with them.

[@coolcat23]

It is a bad convention/tradition that one ought to be on good terms with one's parents and therefore must work on improving the relationship, if it is not great. It was liberating for me to give up on the idea that I need to have a good relationship with my father. He left little opportunity to let me know how inadequate I was as small child (in his eyes) and never kept his word on any promises he made later. It was a waste of time to communicate with him and once I decided to stop, it was for the better. If one's parents aren't ones friends or even just decent people for starters, why keep the relationship alive?

[@christinebadostain6887]

Although I do believe that perfection resides on a continuum, I also feel that "they did the best they could with what they had" is a copout. "The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease" --Hawthorne

[@Sketch_Sesh]

Exactly, “Did the best they could” doesn’t mean they’re not extremely toxic today. Mine still project, gaslight, smear campaign, scapegoat, lie, cheat, manipulate, pill junkies, bi polar… there’s no way I can allow that kind of chaos in and have a healthy life. They never changed, never took accountability, never genuinely apologized

[@rememberingme983]

At least since puberty, I can't remember a time when I actually sympathised with my parents. I was beaten more than anyone I knew, by father, by teachers, though I don't feel I was ever traumitised. As a teenager all I could seem to manage is to hate all authority, and that at least protected me. It was my parents that left me, they went to live overseas when I was 17, and I never lived with them again. In my early 20s, after a period of letting go of all that had been conditioned into me that I no longer wished to harbour, I eventually remembered my whole self, that which existed when I was born. A part of that remembering was unconditional love, because simply all that is whole only knows love for the whole, and thus I discovered love of my parents. From then I was able to hug and kiss them, spend time with them, but learned quickly to avoid all conversations regarding their worldly perspectives. That's fine.

[@geddon436]

My mother has the emotional maturity of child, her father always did everything for her, she was never taught or learned to be independent and emotionaly mature, to make it even worse, she has high number of chronic health problems, between my part time father and mothers wanting to give me items, instead of nuturing, I became a spoiled person, with my own chronic health issues and emotional problems myself, didn't finish school. I wish I could have moved and enrolled at a university that is far away......... I believe you are correct, ideally, people should be away from their parents, to form their own identity, but, I also believe in helping those who can't help themselves, in many asian cultures, the family is the center of everything. If my mother had been remarried, or didn't have high number of health issues, I would have left...........

[@xandyr427]

Appreciate you so much

[@Thesisinxumaloblog]

I agree with you

[@zoranmusic608]

Thanks man ❤