DnD Players DEMAND DM's D**k Pic | r/rpghorrorstories

[@andrwblood9162]

My man literally hit the OP with, "No ha ha ha... unless...👀" 😂😂😂😂

[@sandpiperr]

What got me was the "this might be a little forward" A little??? I don't want to know what that guy would consider very forward!

[@HydrasStage]

Never clicked a video so hesitantly 😭

[@schwarzerritter5724]

I have a similar story to "Monster Int." Some bandits where extorting people on the street. Rogue and Cleric don't want to cause a scene, but Monk and Barbarian intervene. Barbarian wins initiative, activates Rage, attacks one of the bandits only to find out she is out of range, so she just throws a handaxe. The bandits, all go next, shoot at the cleric, who has not done anything yet and, as far as the bandits know, could just be a bystander; completely ignoring the deranged fairy throwing axes at them. Cleric goes down, takes a lingering injury that gives permanent disadvantage on charisma checks and quits the campaign.

[@WhirlyBeepBoops]

Geez, that's even worse - they didn't even see the Cleric cast any spells!

[@DunantheDefender]

I hate stuff like this. Part of the fun of DMing an encounter is figuring out the tactics and motivations for various enemies and monsters. You know... roleplaying. In a role playing game.

[@kevinsullivan3448]

Bad DM, no cookie.

[@ArcCaravan]

Ouch. That could be one of the worst metagaming DM stories I've heard.

[@Yojimbo16]

@@DunantheDefender I DMed once to try it out while our regular DM was out of town, and in the first encounter was against giant spiders and I used the dice to determine their targets. When the next encounter happened in a Kobold Camp, they asked me if I targeted a certain player because all the Kobolds attacked him and only him and I pointed out that player made his presence known to the entire camp while everyone else remained hidden in the woods so as far as the Kobolds knew, he was the only one there. In hindsight, I should have asked the player "Are you sure you want to do that?" when he told me he was going to walk out in the open to say something to the entire Kobold camp. Doge covered this story, it was the one where I kept rolling Nat 20s.

[@davidmallernee3868]

Rofl "no hard feelings" after beeing asked for D picks

[@evangedeon2194]

The party in "Send A Pic" must've had a different expectation from words like roleplay and dungeon master.

[@marybdrake1472]

Yeah, the DM in the second story took the idea way too literally. Phase spiders aren't capable of recognizing a cleric, a fighter, or a rogue. They're just not bright, or aware enough.

[@aquaticcatfey]

An Int score of 6 is high enough to qualify as sapient. Not smart, mind you; still sapient. I'd say that they can figure out anything an eight-year-old kid could.

[@SofaKingDead]

​@@aquaticcatfey I agree.

[@DisposableTeen876]

4:31 I’ll take things I’d never thought I’d ever hear Doge say for 400, Bob

[@FateWeaverGM]

These horror stories are always so polarizing, "My players traumatized me for life, I'll never play again" Or "I got attacked one too many times, so unfair!"

[@vortega472]

It's been too long since we've seen our little Tabby Terror Alice Doge - don't be hiding that little girl away.

[@alphons1456o]

Yeah, you don't just ask for a pic like that right out of the gate. You gotta build rapport first. In all seriousness, it's still very weird how it went, and with them being drunk, it makes sense that's probably their innermost thoughts. Who knows who else they asked that

[@RiveroftheWither]

Honestly I have actually met people like that woman before. Just like male sex pests are often drawn to "alpha/sigma" nonsense, female sex pests are often drawn to Wicca. They never bother actually learning about the beliefs past surface level "Crystals, horoscopes, and female liberation" and tend to just warp that into being "Kinky goth witch is my religion". Which would be fine if they actually respected the rules of kink.

[@cmhsky]

​@@RiveroftheWithernever trust anyone that uses religion to make themselves feel special. They've already taken the sacred and made it profane.

[@alchemicalvapour8950]

they could have at least bought him dinner first

[@funandyvideos]

My favorite recent trend in these is the "one abjectly horrifying scenario/one benign inconvenience" opening video description, amusing.

[@AlinNightwing]

monsters that run on instinct/survival always go for targets of opportunity, not strategic thought, so monsters are fairly easy to get around by keeping weaker characters out of reach. There are some monsters that break this by having more cognitive understanding but they aren't as many, but can be terrifying when played. I love using intelligent NPC's and playing them as they should be. A 10 INT score is the common stat for the general populous, so 10 still has solid understanding of what's going on at all times and would easily identify a cleric or a wizard and be like "y'all that's an issue" But making the NPC's have like a closer to above average like the party does really tilts the battlefield to a more difficult play style. A couple of fighters and a cleric blocking for a couple of archers dialed in on your ranger and wizard really puts the need to not just "I swing, roll dice, next, roll dice, next" no... no no... not on my table, if you just stand there, the enemies will do what they should and hone in

[@MyAramil]

Phase spiders have a wisdom of 10 with an int of 6. That would be good enough to have simple plans as well as recognize basic threats. Things that are large and carrying heavy looking weapons would be tough on a phase spider, things with no armor tend to be powerful in magic. So things in armor would be good targets in this case.

[@gazblackheart4596]

The dm of the rogue was obviously his friend and was letting him be the main character.

[@Kurtpoopants]

DND Doge is the cutest. Just calm, cool and collected!

[@Theokal3]

...... Too OP? *PRESTIDIGITATION* ?! I mean it's practical and versatile cantrip, but it's practically useless in a fight!

[@MyAramil]

Just pull a scene from the movie Click. make their upper lip smell like literal crap. You try to fight when you have literal crap smell to deal with. Or chill their crotch(or heat it) sure it wont do any damage. but still distracting. Furthermore if its a bard, Make a sound to throw off their groove. Sure these would have bottom of the barrel DC's but its still option

[@GoldenNoKami]

12:26 That actually makes sense although it really depending if they are Wolves or Dire Wolves. Normal Wolfs only have 11 HP and with sneak attack and auto Crit, you can easily take down 3 wolves with those two free turns along with being at the top of the turn order. Then you add their actual damage bounses (+4 for my case Lv3 Halfing) he COULD AT MOST kill 4 almost 5 3 Kills with a Raiper (easily) 1 Kill with a Off hand Dagger (Kills with either second or Last hit) 1 Remaining that is either (Heavily Wounded or UnHarmed) I don't know HOW he is even killing 5 Wolves all in that short of a time, since even if he was max damage on his daggers he wouldn't get all five. (I only know you get advantage from the Assasin archetype when going first) UNLESS HE PUTS HIS SNEAK ATTACK ON HIS DAGGER in which case he would have to roll ATLEAST 7 get a +4 from his raiper to get 11 HP which does kill, and then he could apply sneak attack with his dagger and kill two in one turn. but that requires him to always get more than a 7/16 (min require/max possible) on damage DIRE WOLVES ARE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY While unlikely (Dire Wolves would have same HP than the Tank at that level on average) if it were Dire wolfs, with MAX damage on all attacks, at BEST he is taking down 2. RAHHHHHH DON'T UNDERESTAMINATE ROUGES!!!!! (I am a Rouge main)🔥🔥🔥🔥 But for all srs, that DM kinda what was doing a bunch of shit that was fairly unfair to the OP and other players

[@dr0g_Oakblood]

I think it was more a question of mechanics, as unless the DM was running Cleave Rules, even with two full turns and thus two attacks and two bonus action attacks, all with (additionally granted good grief lol) sneak attack, that’s only 4 dead wolves, unless this is using nick shenanigans from the 2024 rules…..

[@samuelsalvatore4511]

on the third story i also thought that DM was giving rougue special treatment, but then they forced them to give away the bag of holding they just bought, which leads me to believe something else. my best guess is that the dm always wanted to take away the bag from the very beginning. first: dm tells the players that the harpies aren't evil, making them seem like reasonable creatures and giving the players a false sense of security. second: the harpies actually refuse to listen to reason and threaten to insta-kill a player, whom the dm never allows to escape even if it would be RAW, and third: the rogue is forced to give away the bag without even a persuasion roll, they just accept it as a fair trade and leave. i'd also like to pint out that OP seems to skip a lot of details in the story, everything sounds too vague to be reliable.

[@keithulhu]

If that's what The Monsters Know What They're Doing advises and advocates for, no one should pay it any heed.

[@MyAramil]

Its not. The DM got it wrong in that case. The book/blog advocates looking at a creatures stats, their abilities and then forming ideas of how they would act. Look at goblins. They have low strength, but high dex, and average con. Meaning they can take some punishment but are not in your face in most cases unless they have superior numbers. With an average INT and blow average WIS and Cha they would be smart enough to lay traps, but not wise enough to be able to pick out which target is the best target, only that the ones with armor on and wielding weapons tend to be physically dangerous, and the ones with little armor on tend to be magically dangerous. With their darkvision and no daylight sensitivity (unlike what kobolds have) they are fine doing combat underground or out in the light of day. with their nimble escape, they would use it to save their hides. IF they loose to much of their HP they will attempt to flee and hide. Or if they loose to many of their raiding party they will use it as well. So what you get from goblins based upon this information is, they would be more like Guerilla fighters. Using hit and run tactics, traps and subterfuge to take down foes.

[@megatronjenkins2473]

(rolls a nat 20, feeds Nipsey's enemies to the almighty Algorithmo of DOOOOOM!!!!!)

[@aquaticcatfey]

Author of the second story is off-base. Phase spiders are non-verbal and driven by hunger; and an Int score of 6 isn't particularly smart; but it's high enough to qualify as sapient. I'd say that if an eight-year-old kid could figure it out, a phase spider could; and while that wouldn't necessarily mean recognizing a precise class, recognizing healing magic doesn't seem unreasonable.

[@RedRidgeMaximumOverdrive]

Congrats OOP. The term "Significant Other" no longer means anything to me.

[@hazelox7971]

Prestidigitation is OP now, apparently 💀

[@dr0g_Oakblood]

I’ve dealt with a DM that is convinced that all the effects are purely illusions, long story short I do not play arcane casters at his table to save myself rules lawyering as while he’s a chill dude, he is very stubborn about a few house rules that I have no interest in working with lmao.

[@absolutfx]

Story 1 Ted only felt bad because OP didn't say yes

[@clericofchaos1]

As far as monster int goes, 6 is not that bad. In general, 3 is considered the threshold where an enemy is no longer considered capable of basic strategy because that's where they lose the ability to speak. So, i could see an argument in favor of the phase spiders knowing to target the healer. Then in the next story, i can understand not rolling for the lockpick. Nat 1's in skill checks don't matter and a rogue with an expertise in sleight of hand or the thieves' tools, even at level 3, means they'd only need like a 6 on the die to beat basic locks (which i think have a dc of 10), so i can see just handwaving that.

[@Ontomancer]

Gotta agree, sounds like the guy in that story was just being a whiner.

[@ss3nm0dn4r8]

with the 6 int the counter argument is how often do those enemies see healers vs the pc sees healers also the pc has higher int people around recommending tactics the monsters do not

[@clericofchaos1]

@@ss3nm0dn4r8 with pc's int doesn't matter. You can be an orc barbarian (who using the og 5e rules also has an int of 6) making all the plans and strategies for the party. For players it really only works for rp or as a spellcasting stat. I'd also make the argument that if the monsters survived to adulthood they've probably encountered at least one adventuring party and have a decent idea of how to beat it. Otherwise, they would have been killed by some level 1 scrubs ages ago. Of course, that really depends on your world. I run high magic settings with established adventurer guilds.

[@Plight_]

That doesn't really matter. The game is supposed to be fun not a death gauntlet. Having every single enemy in the game with an int score above 3 target the healer is not fun. Just because something is logical doesn't mean you should do it

[@clericofchaos1]

@@Plight_ I agree, i'm just saying there's logic to it.

[@kevinsullivan3448]

6 Int is dog level Int. "The monsters know what they are doing" means intelligent monster races, but animal Intelligence creatures react on instinct. In my 40 years of GMing I have never dog-piled a player that didn't exhibit extreme competence; like a Wizard opening up with Fireball on a loose formation of enemies to demonstrate that he or she is the most dangerous opponent. Again, Bad DM, no cookie. Also, shitty players. The last story is the epitome of a GM running his own evil PC as the bad guy to 'win' against the players; this has been in other Horror Stories. I guess the other players have not learned the telltale signs of a bad DM. Hopefully they will now recognize the red flags for what they are. I have to say... D&D is a magnet for the worst DMs and players.

[@aquaticcatfey]

A dog canonically has an Int score of 2. A score of 6 is more like a grade-school kid.

[@nerdzplay]

BD(&D)SM was not on my bingo card for today but here we are

[@sailorsloth8183]

Special Treatment story: No, a Rogue could not kill off five enemies in two turns with just attacks. Without multiclassing for Extra Attack or having Haste cast on them, Rogues can only get one or two attacks in on their turn, depending if they use their Bonus Action to attack with a light weapon, and can only get off Sneak Attack once per turn.

[@SageTigerStar]

yeah, but if you have what's basically god on your side (the DM), as long as he says it's okay, that Rogue could do anything he wants. They didn't seem to be keeping things RAW, if skipping checks and whatnot is anything to go by.

[@l0stndamned]

1st story: As someone who is in both the rpg and bdsm communities, that was rather weird, a serious disrespect of boundaries. All the alcohol clearly wasn't helping either. Last: Getting the impression this was the over lap of edgelord and "should write a book" DMing.

[@Dragongamz1]

Thats the first time I see the blog The Monsters Know What They Are Doing in a horror story. I will say that a Phase Spider does not have the intelligence to discern what a character is class wise.

[@AvatAR42420]

For the second story, animals will behave like animals. They will probably focus on the closest/easiest prey and attempt to flee or go submissive if at low health. 6 is higher than most animal intelligence, but they are still significantly less smart than the average human and they might have never seen magic before. Sentient enemies....ya, they will probably attempt strategy and maybe even negotiate or surrender if things are going badly.

[@MyAramil]

Phase spiders have a Wis of 10, so they can form simple strategies and can kinda differentiate between types of targets

[@phobiawitch835]

Onlynpartly into thr Special Treatment story. Unless I am remembering wrong, a Phantom Rogue can get 3 kills on Low HP enemies with Action Attack, their Subclass to do Sneak Attack to a second foe, and then a Bonus Action attack too. You’d need another round or an action surge from Fighter (or Haste Action) to take out a 4th enemy. And that’s the most you can get in one round. Unless you’re an Arcane Trickster with an AoE spell. But the movement is reasonable. My Fighter Rogue Orc can go 90ft if he uses all his movement, Actuon, and Bonus Action. More with soells like Haste, Longstrider, or the Mobile Feat.

[@Cyborg_J]

The curse of having high rizz

[@Asgaardiangatekeeper]

I remember D&D used to be a relatively normal passtime with relatively sane people. Wtf happened to that? Invaded by the alphabet klan? Sabotaged by WoTC? Seriously though, all these reddit stories did, was prove that hobbies 100% need to be gate kept.

[@ArcCaravan]

I actually mistook that dogpiling spider story for another one. Rather common tabletop horror story of a player being targeted by enemies for meta reasons like prioritizing healers or regardless of logic.

[@RdWarrior-x8y]

Oh hell yeah I title I can get behind 100% 😂

[@vampire9545]

I must be naive too

[@davidtherwhanger6795]

Monster Int Story. I would say that the monsters do know what they are doing in as much as they have developed tactics to get their prey. They will pick a target. And it will probably be an unarmored target (they should be able to see what looks like a hard shell or scales denoting to them more difficult prey from the past). So will most likely go for the party member that looks the easiest to kill and least threatening. So if that Cleric is wearing some kind of armor and one of the other party members is not, they ain't going after the Cleric.

[@alanbear6505]

The last couple of days have been hectic so I'm behind on my KZbin. What's the first video I click on to start catching up? DnD Doge obviously. :)

[@dracone4370]

Once again, I think Doge might like Magical Kitties Save the Day!, I also could be fun to see Magical Kitties character sheets for each of his kitties show up when the kitties appear on screen, he might have fun building them all for Magical Kitties.

[@megatronjenkins2473]

What is Magical Kitties? Being the dedicated servant to a Feline Overlord, I'm intrigued.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Bless the Doge

[@monikasernek1177]

Basically the rogue in the 3rd story: I'm fast as f*ck boy!

[@CooperAATE]

Woah! 😂😂😂

[@LucyBean42]

Say, you are a good role player. Pepito Pic plz.

[@Ontomancer]

The OP of the Phase Shoulder story sounds like kind of a sore loser, tbh. I've had characters with 6 intelligence that are smart enough to kill the healer first. Sounds like he just threw a tantrum because his character might die. By his own admission he got heated and berated the DM.

[@ss3nm0dn4r8]

with the 6 int the counter argument is how often do those enemies see healers vs the pc sees healers also the pc has higher int people around recommending tactics the monsters do not