Do Men Have Meaningful Friendships?

Host: Ursula Mariani │IG: shortest.link/...
Co-host: Sibonganjalo Botha │ FB: shortest.link/...
Guest: Luxolo Kentane | IG: / lux_kent
Technical Director & Videographer: Given Masilela │ IG: shortest.link/...
Producer: Sibonganjalo Bonga Botha │ FB: shortest.link/...
TCC Social Media
TikTok: shorturl.at/OhZFQ
Instagram: shorturl.at/2BIkl
Facebook: shorturl.at/CK16B

[@senzelokuhlenkabini6004]

As a male, I'd like to say thank you to your guest for being honest. Most male friendships aren't rooted/built on substance. You can literally hang around a grown man for MONTHS, and not even know his government name...like🤷🤣.

[@ray-mond9215]

True in varsity there's a guy who use to call me advocate because I was doing law and I use to call him advocate too 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@nozimalindi2178]

As a mother of boys, I am grateful for this episode. With conversations like this, there is hope for our children. Continue to make sure that people speak. ❤

[@clydendlovu6981]

Eyy that's our former headboy ... shout out 🎉 ..interesting conversation

[@LuxKent]

Clyde !

[@lehlohonolomogadime6161]

What a lovely conversation. Thank you guys. 🖤

[@gaoneclintonmmapadi7826]

This podcast always improves the way I view the world cause is so educational ❤ big up to that

[@lwaziphiwinkosi8578]

Thank you for adequately representing us there Mr Luxolo! I don't think there's anything that you've left out.🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾

[@KHOSA_E]

I feel like there’s alot more that he left out. But mostly speaking from his experience which is cool but for the majority of men, mmhh there’s alot

[@kanzo_king5192]

I connected with the performative part that Luxolo mentioned. My Dad passed in 2021 before ii graduated from college. So the past three years were very difficult to manage Life. There were alot of dynamics at play when ii mourned Dad for the first time last year. And I'd often hear from everyone around me that "ii had big shoes to fill", but another man who was closely working with my Dad @church mentioned that ii needed to be the best version of me. It was a very isolating year for me last year but very rewarding because ii got to figure out what Life means to me now and how ii intend on building my friendships, particularly male friendships..

[@khutjodiphofe2245]

I’m sorry for your loss. Just curious about why you use “ii”?

[@dumsanisimon771]

32:38 32:43

[@dumsanisimon771]

33:28

[@dumsanisimon771]

33:28

[@dumsanisimon771]

33:28

[@langelihlenyuswa5920]

This is so sad because watching my dad I can confirm that without my mom, the few men from church (who he only connects with on Sunday) or his colleagues, he really is a lonely man. He wears a tough skin and is VERY hard to connect to even as his daughter and it’s visible in how he spends his weekends that his extremely lonely

[@nombulelothambekeni6812]

Oh man, my heart just sank as I read this because I just realised that my dad is so lonely as well. So lonely that he has turned to Tik Tok to entertain himself. It breaks my heart 😢

[@langelihlenyuswa5920]

@@nombulelothambekeni6812 this 💔 … my dad has also buried himself in social media as a distraction so much so that even in times where he could be connecting with us during dinner or after prayer, he chooses to turn to his phone. It’s created an awkward wall between us as his kids and himself. Then the question that I have is: is it our responsibility as the kids to bridge this wall?

[@khulamashaba903]

The uncomfortable truth is that a man's worth is rooted in his usefulness which oftentimes is based on what he has to offer. The world we live in does not see, recognise or just make space for a man to be vulnerable in any way. Being a man means having means or a plan for means, until then, you're invisible as a man

[@KHOSA_E]

Facts

[@hamiltonblankson]

I love hearing Ghanaian names in international spaces. And I liked how you've memorised amd correctly pronounced her name. Go you!!!!!

[@omolemomokwatsi8659]

man, i loved this so much. these episodes should be longer. (18)

[@t_squared24]

Ohhhh Given, that was beautiful. The part about keeping away from toxic people and behaviors because we are not better than, but it would only take so much for us to conform. Absolutely beautiful. I identify with it so much. And it's unfortunate that ekasi when you keep away from certain people they think that you think that you're better than them, but really it's that I know if placed in that environment I would soon conform to the very behaviors I have principled myself out of.

[@AM-yk1vt]

I think we must not confuse woman gossip with having true or meaningful friendships. Womans friendships can be based on pure gossip at church, work and social setting. Just because they are on the phone for several hours doesnt mean there is substance. Men do not gossip in the same way woman do. They dont enjoy talking about other people or themselves. Men look lonely because they can have the most fun doing simple things like watching rugby or soccer. Any man who says he wants friends that will tell him when he is doing wrong is not bieng honest. If you decide to cheat on your wife not only must you now hide it from your whole family now you must lie to your friends and pretend you are something that you are not. Male friendships get a bad rep because they allow you to be your true self. What ever that is. With very little judgement. Now its up to you if you are a man of God or the father of the nation.

[@anathizaza9068]

firstly i love you Bonga for defending us 😀 great conversation TCCs, i dont really have male friendships in my life and sometimes it bothers me a lil bit but all my romantic relationships lasts for 4-5 years, i talk about my emotions with strangers or bras i chill with sometime

[@mmabathomekwa3718]

Very enlightening conversation. I appreciate the vulnerability. Thank You TCC and to your guest ❤

[@nontobekomthabela1239]

shuu this was such an insightful conversation, i will definitely reflect later but thank you for having it

[@shanattogiyani9549]

Wow, this has to be my best episode. We need a part 2 please with all four of you. I enjoyed this episode so much❤

[@Mrtdogg101]

Men are super lonely even within friendships because ours lack depth. Women have a many avenues for companionships starting with the family, unfortunately many of us guys are raised in women led homes so its starts from there and then we grow up as homies who will eventually drift apart, ironically the saving grace for most men is actually marriage. For some divorce happens and the cycle of loneliness continues (even with money and an orbit of women) if they are not the one you will continue to be bored.

[@dumsanisimon771]

18:06 18:11 18:27

[@Mank_Mindset]

Yeses! 🔥_my stomach is boiling up with so much resonance I'm receiving on the other end. I thought friendship with my gents are just friendship nje, now I'm telling you my view will never be the same again❤particularly pertaining internationality* of it Thanks Guys! What a Guy✨👌🏿

[@Mrtdogg101]

I don't think we do, I have three sets of friends all solid gents but our friendship is not rooted in anything concrete beyond occasional meet-ups and just unwinding from the mundane of life. As lowballing as it is we still take it because even that goes a long way in maintaining balance and sanity in this crazy world. At the end of the day its every man for himself and this is why as a collective we can never really win as a group. Guys are quick to switch up, when one gets married they hang around other married folks and exist mostly around the wife's orbit, they get promoted, they hang around guys in that space and so forth and so forth, the downside of this is that without a proper foundation when shit hits the fan you have no soft landing, i know im rambling but most guys are just in a whirlwind of life with no direction and bearings.

[@langelihlenyuswa5920]

Damn💔

[@kennymokalane3015]

Yoh Ursula 😢, so I have a best childhood friend who's in the army and I understand the whole deployment thing because he tend to go away for a very long time and I see him like after every 2yrs. I made a promise to him that I will take care for his parents while he's away and I have been doing that religiously to a point where his dad and I have become really close. My issue with my best friend is that he doesn't reciprocate my efforts, no email, no calls nothing. Even if it's not to check up on me but to check how his parents are doing. I feel like I'm carrying this friendship on my shoulders alone, and the sad part is that I struggle to allow myself to find new friends. This episode really hit home, especially where you guys speak about being lonely cos yooh... I'm lonely. I don't I even want to start any new friendships, I'm getting used to being by myself, my house is full of plants😅 and I talk to myself a lot, sometimes to my plants as well. I'm planning on getting a dog. It's really tough hey..

[@hawed19]

Sometimes you do not friends bro, just find some hobbies and you will find your tribe and yes a dog really helps. Regarding your buddy not reciprocating...just know that we are not the same and the good thing you are doing the universe will reward. Maybe his Dad should be your new friend! good luck

[@moonrock72]

It sucks when your efforts are not reciprocated. I talk to myself a lot and I relate (I am not lonely). I think it won't hurt to put yourself out there and not limit yourself to the emotionally unavailable friend who doesn't fill your cup. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to cut ties with the parents since you've bonded with them but you need to look after your emotional well-being

[@refilwegivenmotshwane7370]

Given is a very calculative communicator✨ha bue bue fela nje.

[@lukhanyisobrukwe5980]

When I say Lux beeen like this🤞🏾😅 . He started a mentorship with the black boys at out high school qha it ended when I said 'nah I'm good fam' and rest followed me out😅. We weren't ready for him - we just wanted to play soccer during breaktime😅

[@LuxKent]

What a memory fam😂😂!!!

[@londiwentuli8651]

Given for President mara,it's beautiful to see nen who are so aware .great show as always, guys.

[@n_thandii]

Loved this conversation so much. I've always felt like men aren't being completely honest about how shallow their friendships are. I remember my brother once saying to me that he doesn't have a single friend who he can be completely honest with. And he's been friends for +/- 10 years with some of them. How will they ever be able to hold him accountable if he can't be honest with them? It's the strangest thing

[@lukhanyisobrukwe5980]

Crossover I wasn't ready for🙆🏾‍♂️😅😆😆😆.

[@NMrwetyana]

Bless this guy

[@t_squared24]

This Friday has just gotten sooo much better😊

[@yolisalisanqari]

❤❤Bhuti Lux I see you

[@s.s.nxumalo]

Given 🎯

[@ladylelep.1946]

Thanks for this convo. Much neeeded😊

[@amandasibiya2090]

We need more soft men❤

[@Nhundaz]

This was a really good episode.

[@viriniboutique4301]

For me the acid test for real friendship is should I be arrested now, and I am given an opportunity to make one phone call in order for me to raise money for bail, not a lot of money lets say R3000, when I look at my circle of friends, I don't think there is anyone who an do that for me, but should the tables turn I will go all out for them. That begs the question, why are they in my life, so ad rather be alone with my wife and children. Don't get me started with friends from church, the minute your X5 breaks, and you cannot take them to a Madodana Church conference in Eastern Cape, they are gone, bao bona ke di satane tsa bofelo.

[@mallinmokwebo2497]

Last part of your comment 😂. But yeah the realization hits hard and it's always good to reflect on the quality of friendships you have.

[@rosiempembe]

Informative👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👌🏿👌🏿👌🏿

[@KgotsoGongota]

I think the Giver/Taker Aspect of this hasn't been touched on.. Because again you find that if you're a Giver, you're most likely gonna attract Takers in the sense that you as the Giver are never given the space or the time to actually receive what you Give Out to your circle, hence you will find a man's Need for Affection will always be exposed when they're with a Woman because they never get it from their circle of friends. A Man Who's a Natural Giver will always be starved of Affection even from Women .. To a Woman, A man who's a Giver is not allowed to be vulnerable or there's a time limit to that.. Also He knows subconsciously that he will never find that Affection in friends, I believe that's the disconnect you are looking for.. I wonder if women can relate to that

[@ChineduLazarus]

The lady with the camera. Try to show us your face

[@LieselFoster]

❤❤

[@forgetmenot254]

First❤️❤️

[@Teeman812]

Do women really, really want sensitive men? Can women answer this for me please.

[@asantetsh692]

Yes. However,I do think the emphasis shouldn’t be whether women want that or not but rather on the value that it holds for men. How will that foster the sense of community and brotherhood? We should really do things that serve us because then it makes it easier to not associate with people who can’t accept those aspects about ourselves. Reason being, the same messages about how men are supposed to act are communicated to women. So, in some cases, you find women who uphold those sentiments and view vulnerability as a sign of weakness. It’s really up to the individual to do the work and let go of that frame of mind. Personally, I would appreciate a man who is emotionally in tune because that means you are able to hold a safe space emotionally and mentally for other people as well. Being a provider is not restricted to finances. Does that necessarily mean I will automatically know how to react when a man is being vulnerable? No, because the men around me have not shown such vulnerability, and it is not something that I am used to . However, am I willing to learn how to provide a safe space for that vulnerability? Definitely

[@lincolnlubisi6454]

What???? If you are a MJITA and you struggle to make friends aiy no its a YOU problem

[@hawed19]

How old are you, if you do not mind sharing.

[@zodwaphindile4601]

🥺🥺Ooohhh!!!! I really really Enjoyed this Episode, you know... having men also communicate about their Experiences too! Loved it!❤️🫶🏽🔥.