Don't Let Insecurities Ruin Your Relationships, Career, & Self-Worth

Host: Ursula Mariani │IG: shortest.link/...
Co-host: Sibonganjalo Botha │ FB: shortest.link/...
Guest: Asbo Ofori-Amanfo | IG: / bo.ofori
Technical Director & Videographer: Given Masilela │ IG: shortest.link/...
Producer: Sibonganjalo Bonga Botha │ FB: shortest.link/...
TCC Social Media
TikTok: shorturl.at/OhZFQ
Instagram: shorturl.at/2BIkl
Facebook: shorturl.at/CK16B

[@sallyndalama4127]

I've been quite insecure in public places about myself. Then recently, I realised that I've created an imaginary judgmental audience against me all in my head.

[@pumzamlondi8538]

When Ursula said that she realized that her inability to feel confident has taken away from many experiences, I felt that so strongly. Its crazy that we shy away from things that we will never able to do again, because we are trying to distract from imagined judgements. This has awakened my sense of pride and I will be more aware to keep my insecurities at bay.

[@mrspngonair4621]

“I lack nothing, I need to live fully” what a profound conversation. I’m definitely going to listen to this episode regularly… I need all this to sink in

[@kamphinga]

Been watching this podcast for over a year and highly doubt if l ever misses an episode. l have learnt alot about humans (male and female). Such conversation helps me to know how to treat people around me. Thank you, Ladies, and Given too

[@judiiyethu9728]

I’m so happy you discussed the intellectual insecurity. It’s such a serious issue and holds you back from achieving the things you know you can achieve

[@babymothibedi4388]

I love this, waitsi all your episodes are 💯💯… One thing I've noticed is that people project a lot. They hate it when you're not insecure about the same things they are. Recently, people have asked me to do squats, and I told them I love how I look. Looking back, I realize these people are clearly struggling with their physical appearance. Someone even asked about two scars I've had since I was three. He was so invested, he went on and told me he thought I was abused! I laughed in disbelief. People can be incredibly insensitive. One day, I paid closer attention to this person and noticed they had many scars. It confirmed my suspicion: it's all about projection.

[@malebogomoshashane6315]

Baby Mothibedi

[@babymothibedi4388]

@@malebogomoshashane6315 my love

[@LM-he7eb]

Yep, I'm guilty of this

[@babymothibedi4388]

@@malebogomoshashane6315 my love

[@goabaonecathrinekeganegile4252]

Im in love with these topics. For the first time in a while, I can confidently say that I'm healing and growing. Thank you TCC, really ❤

[@viriniboutique4301]

My mother used to say to me, o ka apara short pants, haa o bone o nale di kiss kiss, " Knock knee is a condition in which the knees bend inward and touch or “knock” against one another" that affected me so much, now that I am adult and I found my voice, ke a para shorty ka nkane, even in winter, I just want to show off my legs, kiss kiss or not. The second issues was the teachers at school, they use to say hei, wena le bontso, wa rasa, come winter holidays because they are a bit longer three weeks or so, I used to stay indoors just so that when the schools reopen, they will say "Hei, o mosweu maannyana byang" . Little did we know that tall black and handsome, will be in fashion, jwale ke ya ba tabola goed, bo ausi!

[@disemellow]

🤣🤣🤣oreng nah..ke wena ke wena nou..ha ra le bona 😅

[@MaziKgope-gk7mm]

Waitsi keng, I am proud of you

[@motsabisejake7954]

“Aspire,relate,teach”. A big mistake I made with a mentor I found was that I only aspired and didn’t explore the relations which is what I needed the most from him. But because he was years ahead of me I felt so professionally insecure that I used to second guess the questions I wanted to ask him😢

[@bonenhlesishi690]

Such an interesting conversation on insecurities. I met Asbo at church a couple of weeks ago and the first thing I admired about her was how beautifully she rocked her haircut, how stylish she was, how sweet she was. I didn't look at her and wonder "what's wrong with her, why does she have no hair?" - so interesting hearing her speaking about having alopecia, the example with saying this is something she made her identity. However, hearing this conversation proves how usually the things we're insecure about people don't even look at or think of in the way we think they do. I also have struggles with hair growth but I'm very insecure about wearing my short hair so when I saw her I remember just being WOWED. Thank you for this insightful conversation!

[@kagisomoatlhodi8888]

I feel so seen in this conversation. Like Ursula, I grew up being chubby. But was constantly reminded of this growing up. From 15 to 25 years old all I did was obsess over exercise and what I eat. But to the world it looked like I picked up "healthy habits" because, well... wellness culture akere. When I had my first daughter at 25, the weight naturally picked up as I was juggling varsity and being a full time mom. But now being in therapy and realising that I spent a bulk of my teenage years missing events with peers because I had to go run 5k's on a whole Friday evening is wild. So people need to also tread very carefully on this wellness culture. Because wellness encompasses more that your weight. Personally, at this stage in my life, my mental health carries more than my weight (excuse the pun lol). Also, I simply love how all three of you ladies are so self-aware.

[@mathapelomorgan4876]

#GRWM Insightful episode. We need another episode on professional insecurities which somewhat opens the door to some imposter syndrome vibes in the professional space. It’s really a lot! Thanks for this!

[@Nomsa-fk8pf]

This episode is Such an eye opener

[@motsabisejake7954]

Professional insecurity will always make you go into spaces as a student,you think everyone knows better than you. Ladies you really touched a nerve I could go on and on about this!

[@WisdomQuest_SA]

Thank you for speaking about proffesional insecurity; I had contacted a coach; then I realized I needed to be present a bit because I was vulnerable to the environmental that elevated my sense of insecurity in my work. Sometimes it that insecurity requires you to be present to get the answer that will take you in the next level lf your life. Yeah I still want a coach and a mentor but I for now I need to deal with myself internally.

[@tswalomarivate4082]

I love how when Ursula mentioned that you showing people the insecurity that somehow becomes your identity and what people focus on going forward is such an eye opener. It does go back to how we speak to ourselves that truly shape how we carry ourselves in public

[@noluvonojoko9067]

😢insecurities takes alot of work on. And it takes one person to really recognise the more issues they creat for them to really be intentional about working on them… Im learning to work on them and being a happy soul for myself and from within

[@malepekolatsabeng4192]

Wow! This is so good, I have my eyes opened for the first time. We are most of the time, if not always, loosing our confidence over things that other people are not even aware of. Funny enough, I loved you the first time I came along your show and I never thought you had any insecurities. You are so beautiful, your smile is perfect.

[@babyboyry9541]

loved every bit of this episode. more than anything it helped think about being more self aware about the things I’m telling my myself and more importantly saying or unconsciously doing to others that may be both good or bad. I also really like how this is an actual conversation, the laughs and everything in between is really what makes this special. last one, bonga must drink more wine.🤣

[@MLM424]

Hectic. I relate so much to the professional insecurities and it shows in interviews. I feel like I've butchered good opportunities because my insecurities lead to me not putting my best foot forward in interviews

[@MTKLZ]

This woman's beauty is persistent 😊💯🤞🏿

[@mirembehellen5387]

You are right she's really beautiful without hair and Mariani, who wouldn't like to hear your voice, I could listen to you for the whole day. People who don't overcome their insecurities end up being jealous of others who have what they don't have.

[@itumelengkomana4390]

I had no idea she had alopecia, always thought it was a choice to go bold and I absolutely love it because she rocks it! The way my head is shaped hle, I've always admired ladies that look so good with short hair or no hair at all. Lovely show, as always😁😁

[@LM-he7eb]

Riiiight. Her head is beautifully shaped. So, I assumed she just went bald because it suits her

[@janetetiese2389]

Watched this last night. What strikes about the topics discussed on TCC is it relatability. As humans we tend to always want to appear perfect and look our best,we do this not necessarily for others but ourself sometimes and just for someone to point out how the dress would have being more fitting if you were slimmer or they even go ahead and compare your body with someone else telling you your clothes will look better on someone else. Omg, people project things you were never mindful of and due to that you became so is what make insecurity gain momentum and i think the extreme is when it cause identity crises for the individual. Thank you for this episode TCC ❤🎉

[@leratomoroke6226]

We thank the guy in the show, his is really doing justice for us Magita

[@mabiyela429]

Yhoooo loved this session. I have albinism. So I grew up super insecure, I have always been told me kahle but not umuhle. So I knew I had a beautiful body structure but not beautiful as a woman. As I grew up I have become comfortable in me and who I am. I am now a mom of 3 babies and my body has changed my tummy has become my source of insecurity. I just have to remind myself that I am made in the perfect image of God.

[@Honey_the_star]

#GRWM I think the conversation on insecurities is naturally moving towards forgiveness. For self and others. On surface level we could understand that a friend doesn’t have ill intentions. Over time, that builds bitterness, resentment, and numbness.

[@palesamokholo2834]

My biggest insecurity is lack of self confidence and that's been a hindrance in my career path.

[@nonkosingcobo1373]

So insightful as always ❤

[@mahlohonololebuso741]

Ugh, I love you ladies❤❤

[@pinkyshereensizane5174]

Wow this was such an insightful conversation I enjoy TCC so much, Im a woman of a particular age and growing up I was beautiful but a bit chunky, I also had some insecurities about certain things eg I would walk in a room full of people or meetings at work and will feel the energy shifting when I enter I will even sometimes catch people stealing glimpses or just staring at me and will immediately feel uncomfortable and nasty pulling my face and will always complain to my friend about it and one day this good friend of mine looked at me and said "friend do you have an idea of how beautiful you are, your hair, your skin and your smile dont you think that these people are just admiring you maybe wanting to get to know you" ever since I chaged my attitude now Im using that as my natural flare/strength when I walk into a room I command it...❤😅

[@fortunatemotloung6725]

The friend of the TCC show, Asbo ❤ is Perfection...please do a give away-spend a day with Asbo, truly love her !!!

[@lekwadiprecious]

1 Ursula that guy was weird cause you have so much profound things to say. Everyone one in there actually, how y’all reflect on life and the analysis of it I love so much. I had insecurities about my walk and I had no idea my walk was weird until someone mentioned it and I struggled with it for the longest time which is crazy given I won a beauty pageant in primary, it even affected the type of clothes I would wear which I feel they stole from my experience as a high school kid🥺 lol left high school and it’s almost out of my mind and wear whatever I wanna wear. I wear shots and I look good so yeah people can be very poisonous. We must have filters

[@mmakoenarammutla7314]

You guys are educating me so much😀

[@abulelegxala8691]

I really enjoyed the conversation ❤️

[@pink_sugar_]

I have so much fun listening to these episodes. I literally find myself laughing along with you guys. They always give "we are all just chilling". Thanks, julle!

[@preciousntsandeni2007]

I’m sorry about the man who didn’t see you Ursula. We want to hear what you have to say. ❤

[@londiwentuli8651]

What a great show 🎉🎉🎉

[@ngubanezukiswa4557]

Yhooo I relate so much to the alipecia 😢😢 I used to cry so much, the was a time I avoided mirrors because I felt horrible I felt I’m not women enough. I don’t like wigs never have, but I miss having braids, now oohwww I love my Chiskop I look amazingly beautiful/ exquisite. Umhle nawe sisi.

[@DigsWigs2022]

Rock it proudly

[@Lebohang_Shaun]

Financial insecurities for me are the reason I'd leave a relationship as a gent. Because if I can't provide and always have a plan who am I? What am I?

[@segametsipitse2264]

Yoh. Hektik. But valid...

[@mmatebogomoitswadi]

A much needed conversation❤ We need a part 2 of this conversation

[@PrudenceMoh]

I am just here for the gorgeous earings ❤❤❤❤

[@mosnakhaile4308]

Please invite me for a wine session, you guys are so wholesome😅

[@nomvulangozo4277]

Infact they should host TCC wine session....would be dope

[@phozisamdloyi9063]

Not this showing up after I’ve closed a door on myself… intentionally so. But professional insecurity usually shows up as imposter syndrome.

[@mphomalete4701]

The host is super gorgeous... ❤❤

[@RefiloeMay]

TCC❤ you guys give my deepest thoughts and feelings a voice.

[@indirandevu7116]

oooh LOVED the topic i will definately keep this in mind going forward Thank You

[@keitumetsemangole5168]

Love yall so much

[@zammyzee8073]

ASPIRE-REALATE-TEACH what a fire concept! Thank you Asbo

[@user-un2dk1ui4b]

Thank you so much for this conversation ❤️🙏🏾

[@ririkhiba6853]

My fav team❤

[@Unfoldedwoman]

I like how you greet Bonga 😊.I love this topic and the wisdom from your guest. .

[@sindiswaqungani5015]

Me too❤

[@cebokazisibiya5808]

I pulled out my front tooth in 2019 because of medical negligence really nokuphapha kwam. I’ve been wearing dentures since I have been very insecure about my smile, I had a beautiful smile before pulling out my tooth different but beautiful non the less and I feel like my natural smile was being masked by the dentures. I recently took out the dentures as I have braces on now and I have never been happier people don’t seem to have a problem with my gap as much as I did. The dentures did serve their purpose but I am done hiding now. I met someone and they complimented my smile I guess it’s still there even with the missing tooth. 😅

[@segomosh]

It puzzles me how the most beautiful people have insecurities 😢

[@ririkhiba6853]

😂broh i also don't understand them aibo

[@nomvulangozo4277]

Thoroughly looooooved this episode ❤❤

[@jeansophia2092]

Thank you so much ❤..

[@Honey_the_star]

Beautiful episode ❤I like that you differentiate between beauty and femininity.

[@Mahleamantungwa0212]

For the mentorship episode, please get Dr Mzamo Masito. I think he articulated very well. The importance of self-mastery

[@lethabolaka358]

Part 2 pleassssee🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@RitaH-z3b]

Hi TCC team ❤ #GRWM :I love your channel and the conversations you share. Have you considered publishing your podcast on other platforms such as Apple Podcasts, Spotify? It would be more convenient, especially when we driving, sitting on a bus, or on a flight. It would be lovely if you could consider this. Also, i know some sayings or jokes sound better in our native languages, but it would also be lovely to add subtitles when you guys speak in your native languages. So we dont feel left out :( Thank you! Have a blessed weekend ahead.

[@Zpotelwa]

Interested conversation ❤❤❤, learnt a lot

[@bulelwamboyi2206]

I agree with you Ursula, women are measured on being able to have kids thats why even in old age when they are diagnosed with cervical cancer way past child bearing stage, it's so difficult for them to have that operation to remove their cervix or even breast cancer.

[@tumi2610]

Ursula you are such an effortlessly beautiful woman. Your smile is also just so contagious🫶

[@GKubheka]

I grew up feeling insecure about my looks, particularly my beauty and my noise. And it actually started at home where I took my father's noise while my siblings have my mom's "sharp English nose" and I was light in complexion while everyone was dark so I was told that it's my complexion that helps me hide my ugliness. Any compliment about me being beautiful aside from me being dressed nicely or hair has been from outside. I remember it even shocked me when someone would just talk about my physical beauty. I even developed a defense to this where I just decided that I can be beautiful but I can atleast be clean and most importantly smart. I just started loving and liking myself on those terms and that has been how I define my beauty. But it has affected me so when my intellectual capacity where I failed once more than 10 years ago and that has cast a lot doubt on everything that I engage with intellectually, career and finances. It's a lot. I am on a flight mode nje everytime I have to deal with it.

[@mathapelomokadi8885]

I can relate hey, I am sorry that you had to go through that growing up. I am still quite insecure about my nose and my kiss madolo. My weight is also an insecurity for me because I gain quite a lot of weight whenever I gain weight. I am still working on myself really. My point is that with all the insecurities we may have, let's first love ourselves because these insecurities are mostly external and they mostly have nothing to do with us.

[@GKubheka]

@mathapelomokadi8885 Kare we are twins. I also have kiss but I tend to forget about it especially when I look good, outfit wise. Love you to you sisi ❤️ ♥️ 💗

[@samkeD]

Ooh! I have lot of insecurities to extent of enjoying being in inhouse than in public. I don't even appreciate complements.

[@keitumetsetlhabye637]

over the weekend i asked a baby girl (arnd 8/9 yrs old) how beautiful she thinks she is coz i thinks she smashes all the scales in all the universes....i hope she carries it n doesnt think she spoke she spoke to a crazy woman at the shops.

[@LM-he7eb]

Women I not loved unconditionally. A women's beauty, the family she comes from, whether she has kids, her past, femininity & fertility (as you said)

[@jeansophia2092]

Bo di body count and staff

[@MLM424]

I feel like no one is loved unconditionally. And also the conditions are different from different people. So I could love my child unconditionally, but not everyone will. Even dogs are chosen according to breed etc. There are always conditions. The men's conditions are just louder on social media

[@Tshifaro_WarriorPrincess]

I enjoyed this conversation ❤

[@karabomamogale1286]

Loved this. Quite helpful

[@anelemdange4834]

I think with women their insecurities also has to do with their bodies,if you are petite you are seen differently compared to having a thick body and bigger boobs.

[@Incognito-s3l]

❤❤

[@MLecogo]

The part were you say you spent your early 20s so insecure and missed out on a few experiences because of it, thats so me. And funny enough , looking back at those pics of mine, damn I was hot.

[@nosicelobungane]

I think the line between compassion and being completely permissive is really thin and I wonder if you guys didn’t cross it with that point of men probably trying to practice rejection withstanding skills on women. Men need to create safe spaces and have these conversations on their own and take their healing from there. Women shouldn’t suggest, feel or accept they are practicing grounds for any social survival skill for men. Let’s be honest, first of all it’s them men who created these expectations for themselves. They are very much capable of unlearning. Women experience brutal violations and many kinds of abuse from men. I feel this is not something we need to be so compassionate about.

[@AyandaIris]

This topic is so Relevant to me I have Dental problem (Crucad) everytime when I speak or smile,laugh ppl would look surprise and talk behind my. Back and say I didn't know she got ugly teeth like this while Myself i forgot about it But immediately they say it I feel very small and insecure

[@pfanolusunzi4331]

Beautiful 🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹I needed this

[@ontlametsemogorosi]

My biggest insecurity… my appearance. My “kiss-kiss” legs. I avoid tight pants because what are people saying looking at me?🥲 also like you guys say, money. Can I provide. Thank God I got over the “earning the same as my friends”. Now I don’t care. As long as I can afford my lifestyle.

[@mashoto__m]

This topic hit hard 🥹 I’ve always been insecure about my smile and the crazy thing is that no one ever bullied me about it at all. Now when I go for auditions I constantly have to remind myself of how talented I am and I always do my affirmations 10 times before walking into the audition room. Insecurities are such a weird concept sana 🥹

[@michellemasehla1545]

Mashoto you are beautiful ❤

[@mashoto__m]

@@michellemasehla1545 thanks my love 🥹🙏🏾