Do you intellectualize your feelings instead of feel them?

[@siennaprice1351]

I’m completely blind, on the autism spectrum and have CPTSD. Because of both autism and CPTSD, I feel emotions intensely. Both good and bad emotions. If I had a meltdown, or expressed intense disappointment or worry and anxiety, I was taught to suppress it because “I’m just being rediculous. I’m just being a baby. I’m being too sensitive and I need to just stop it.” So overtime, I have learned to mask my emotions because “no one acts silly and has these behaviors.” So I just bottle it up, don’t allow myself to feel my emotions, and they do happen in times where I don’t want them to come out. This even happens to me with CPTSD flashbacks, they come at a time I don’t want them to come.

[@benguensche]

How did you type this if you’re completely blind? Genuinely asking

[@siennaprice1351]

@@benguensche I use an accessible feature on my IPhone called Voiceover. Whatever I touch on the screen, it basically reads it loud to me. Other times, I use a bluetooth QWERTY keyboard, or I use voice dictation. It depends on my mood.

[@CourageCoaching]

@@siennaprice1351 Thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably! I am sorry you have had to hide your true self and your emotions. It's tough when your emotions are considered 'too much'.

[@siennaprice1351]

@@CourageCoaching I was also withheld from using my accommodations that help me cope in stressfull situations. Because to them, “they were rediculous. And I just need to simply stop having reactions to stressful situations.” Or I just needed to be like everyone else who doesn’t do these things because “it’s not normal.”

[@CourageCoaching]

@@siennaprice1351 You deserved compassion and understanding!

[@Volcane-m8c]

I dunno if I should share it here. My bestfriend broke-up with me after a fight because she wants us to focus on our careers. She went no contact on me. Since then I've been feeling the loss, I've been crying a lot, got sick of it and tried to distract myself. Avoiding my feelings. I even restricted her because she might reach out and hurt me more. I got scared. I understand that I should get out. Face my fears ... I should face my feelings. This is going to be painful. Thank you

[@CourageCoaching]

Just continue to allow the tears to flow and the pain to be present. You will get through this!