Do you only have chemistry in "toxic" relationships? Watch this!

DOWNLOAD AN EXERCISE TO HELP YOU BUILD SELF-COMPASSION AFTER A HURTFUL OR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:
www.ruthannharpur.co.uk/opt-in
Do you feel drawn "narcissists" and or to hurtful and abusive relationships. Are you a "narcissist" and drawn to people with borderline or emotionally unstable traits?
This video dives into attachment insecurity helping you to understand why you feel such a strong draw to people and relationships that are not good for you and suggests some ways to break away from this pattern and nurture more secure, peaceful relationships.

[@nina1664]

Hi Ruth, basically all my relationships have been with guys more or less on the narcissistic spectrum. I have met guys who were respectful and sweet and that I truly liked throughout my dating life, but I never saw them as potential partners for some reason. For me it always was impossible to go from genuinely liking someone and from feeling true warmth for someone to sexually desiring that same someone. And I always was so afraid of hurting those sweet guys by ultimately not desiring them. It's messed up and unhealthy, I know 😔. Great video, thank you so much for your kindness! ❤

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

❤Sharing❤ I’m excited to go in depth with this subject today in our Live! 🎉

[@drruthannharpur]

Me too

[@NunYa-db7jy]

Me Three Thank you ladies.

[@drruthannharpur]

@@NunYa-db7jy Can't wait to see you!

[@Studentoftheiniverse]

I was left at grandmas from 1-13 years old, because nobody needed me, then from 13 was living with my psychopathic father, very bright, very successful with enormous expectations for me, lots of demands, no attention only when there are some achievements ...with a lot of devaluation, comments about my body, my intellectual abilities ...verbal abuse (it was that loud that neighbours were concerned), very manipulative (I feel like I inherited all his dark traits😂) and voiceless mother who would never step up. So in my 30s I don't want to know neither of them and happy about my choice. But some of the traits really helps me to go further then others.

[@hankgoresich6836]

Absolutely brilliant video. You are so insightful.

[@JerneyMarisha]

I also realised that to me, being raised by two narcissistic parents, this behaviour felt “normal”. Or rather an inevitable consequence of human relationships. That belief really kept me stuck for far too long!

[@drruthannharpur]

Yes … ordinariness just feels wrong if you aren’t familiar with it 🙏 Also 👋 Jerney - feel like I haven’t seen you in the comments for a little while!

[@JerneyMarisha]

@@drruthannharpur No that’s not even it. It felt unattainable. I thought everyone was bat shit crazy when you just got close enough! I’ve been longing for an ordinary relationship for my whole life.

[@doloinc]

Great vid, Doc. One of the main things I struggled with was if the love I had my person was ever real; especially considering that I still feel a very deep love for them even though they left over half a year ago.

[@drruthannharpur]

I can understand that @dolonic. If we were doing therapy I'd ask you to unpack what is "real" for you... but I will just say that people can hurt and abandon people they have strong feelings for and it isn't a refection on you. I always say that most people, including people with NPD, do not intend to cause harm to those close to them, but a lack of intention doesn't equate to a lack of effect. Take good care of yourself 🙏

[@MrNoopNoop]

Oh… that makes a LOT of sense, thank you Ruth-Ann!

[@drruthannharpur]

🙌 I'm curious - which bit resonated?

[@MrNoopNoop]

@@drruthannharpur all of it. You described most of what caused issues in my previous attempt at relationships: The idealisation of the other, The feeling betrayed by the shattering of the fantasy when negative events start to scratch the illusion. The attempts at installing back the fantasy. The too-fast evolving pace (schema activation hello!). The likelihood of pursuing someone that first really connects and deeply bonds, then withdraws. The mess of it all, the amazing highs and crushing lows. And also, the feeling that “more regulated” people are less attractive, is something quite significant in my past relationships. Well, until now bascially the life of an npd boy who's been lied to about life, and has been relentlessly searching for, and clinging to: beautiful, fragile, passionate, high in trait openness, highly sexual, thirsty for love, affection, fun, and positive experiences… borderline women :)

[@sonja7halcyon]

Perfect advice thank you for this!

[@drruthannharpur]

You're welcome and thank you for commenting 🙏

[@superespiritual1553]

Very clear. Wonderful ❤

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you Superespiritual ❤

[@yifatcarmi3380]

Very very…. Resonated with me

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you for commenting - I hope the video was helpful to you 🙏

[@markonahleyes2701]

Thank you ;)

[@drruthannharpur]

You're welcome

[@amac2573]

Thanks for covering this. I suffer from two autoimmune conditions that affect my concentration and focus. I hope you don't find me saying, however I find the editing flicks in your videos take away natural pauses in the flow of you speaking. These pauses allow people such as myself, a moment or so to grasp and process what you have just said.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you - not offended at all. I am still new to making videos and always keen to make them better so I will bear this in mind.

[@amac2573]

@@drruthannharpur Thanks. I appreciate you replying. The information and explanation are good. I was diagnosed with mixed personality disorders mainly BPD. However this was before there was more knowledge and understanding about trauma and the longer term effects available. I am in the UK.

[@justwalkmf]

Thank you, your videos are really clear and helpful.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you 🙏

[@raewynurwin4256]

Have you watched Dr Sam Vadkin its well worth it.

[@winniefreshahatamba5476]

As for me I Don knw wat is to be loved,I was in a hurtled marriage 😢😢😢.

[@ZFabia2010]

This news is disapointing And i dont want to have sex with someone that is regular I Rather be alone, or have platonic relationships moving forward I had enough idealized love in my my past.

[@Tatiana-cp1fc]

The volume on your voice is far too low. Can you please speak a little louder. Much appreciated